A Letter to the guy i loved the most

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A LETTER TO THE GUY I LOVED THE MOST

what i did to you?why you lied to me?like everything !
you dint just broke my trust that day but made me realize how useless i am,like a wasted paper i was thrown away.
thanks to you,i am done with life today.
why you cheated?maybe you found some hot long legs or maybe she has a good face ,better than me ofcourse!
you know i still miss you.

sometimes i stop thinking at all about what is actually going on in my life.but people makes me realize how many bad decisions i made.you are one of them.having you,loving you was the biggest mistake among them.

i know it might be weird for you that i still love you. i still want you to touch me,to hold me,to wipe off my tears and kiss me.
no you are mistaken,i havent forgiven you.its just that i am keeping my promises.my promise to never leave you.my promise to never dream of another guy.

i cant let yougo! i seriously cant.even if you hooked up with someone else,even if you dont miss anything about me,even if you calls your exgirlfrnd everyday.
nothing bothers you right!ya i get it completely.thanks for everything you did.yes i am left with nothing in my life. yes i cant trust people anymore,i can just see there evil side everytime.i am done with life.
but i loved you!!
i am waiting.i am waiting for you to come back.i am waiting for the things to get worse.come back i'll never say anything believe me.i will agree to whatever you say,whatever you do.i'll wait as long as i have to.

i have got nothing left!nothing!no one!
you have no idea how disgusting everyday has become for me.maybe because i never thought this could happen to me.AGAIN!
yea again,and you know.
i thought you understands me,i thought you know how difficult it is to stop thinking about someone you loved the most and to believe that yes you are alone and being fooled.i thought whatever you told me about your past was the fucking truth but you cheated there as well.yes you played it well.
You used me and conveniently dropped me after you found someone else.Why me?

its terrible how i feel this night.believe me you can never imagine how difficult it is for me now.
you can never understand anything.and maybe its too late to understand things now! I thank you arjun for changing everything in my life,for making my life easier.yes obviously it is easy for me.nobody can fool me now beacause i talk to no one.i dont trust anyone and even people have accepted the fact that i am weird.they are not at all fucking interested in me either.yes i am alive.i am living a terrible life moron.you should be happy beacause you know i am not happy without you.this makes you feel better right?feel good,beacuse you can never change this truth that i always loved you and i never imagined a life without you.even if you messed it all.beacuse yea i have the habit of keeping promises.
i check my notifications everyday just to feel relieved at least once after losing you for doing nothing at all.
i lost everything for doing what?for loving you madly.i did tried to make efforts for you and to make you feel that i actually do love you but i couldnt make you feel that way.you are special,you will always remain special.
i have regrets for believing that you would be the right person for me,but i was wrong.you not only lied about things but changed my whole life.you knew i was hurt.when no one was there you stood by my side and made those fake promises of never leaving me like otherd did.i was afraid to trust someone again.but i could see that innocense in your eyes.i felt i can share with you whatever happened to me and just let things go.i was feeling secure with you arjun.i trusted you!
i started falling for you,i thought you are good.

I Fell in love,Things changed!

so it all started with that eye contact,yea that fucking eye contact.you were staring at me.i wasnt looking at you but i noticed you.i wanted to stay there but i had to leave,but that wasnt forever.
Another day,i was standing there on the balcony and was again looking at you secretly.
i never looked at you but somewhere inside i wanted you to talk.And then i got the text from you.The conversation started with a "hie".we were talking were formally.and suddenly in an hour you went offline.i waited for you to come online.i was getting very curious to know what went wrong?
Next day you texted and apologised for leaving the conversation in the middle.i was so mad at you and replied to all your messages very rudely.you asked me to come outside,but i denied.you have no idea arjun i was dying to see you.i wanted to come out,but i couldnt.i dont want to get hurt again.i dont want anyone to take me for granted.i want to give my partner the respect he deserves and expect the same.i want my guy to pamper me all my life.
then on the next day you asked for my number.from then everything went good.we talked almost everyday.we had soo much to talk about.i was soo happy, finally there was someone who is not judging me,who is not believing the rumours,and who just admires me and loves talking to me.we respect each other soo much.and i love the fact that you trust whatever i say.
so now i have a reason to smile,i have someone with which i can share everything.you are a good frnd,a best frnd.
In my bad days i found someone who loves me for who i am.now i have someone,a someone who understands me,who listens to me and trust me.
And then one day you just said something and proved me wrong,you asked me about the rumours you heard about me.you never realised how difficult it was to hear you questioning me.That day i couldnt say anything,i blocked you and just stopped everything. i never wanted you to leave me someday like others did.so this time i left.
nobody stayed forever.but you!you came back arjun.you tried to contact me again and again.why?
And this time i got trapped.
i gave you the chance this time to hurt me.
sometimes we dont make promises about few things likes repecting each other.This is something we expect from the one we love.
Now i ask myself why?why i could never question you when you started abusing me?
every girl loves it when their guy touches them,and tell them how special they are.
but i cant explain that feeling when you kissed me,focefully took my pants off and asked me to give you a blowjob with your eyes full of lust.I wasnt enjoying when you you forcefully pulled up my hair and touched my private parts.i asked you to stop!but you just ignored whatever i said,you placed your hands on my face and killed my soul.

i am your girlfriend.i admit that.but does it allows you to forcefully insert your fingers inside my vagina?

he slammed my body against the wall,squeezed my arms,and kissed me all over.you hurting me both physically and mentally.you promised me you wouldn't do anything against my wish.but arjun what all you did was against my wish.i wanted to scream,but i couldnt gather the courage.i was in a physical discomfort that day.
it wasnt romantic or respectful.
He apologized to me today,but i dont want your apology now!
that day just changed my life.i was left with bruises all over my body.
why i loved you arjun i ask myself everyday.i want everyone to know who you actually are,what you did.
i am not going anywhere.i am alive.you used me,raped me,cheated on me and dropped me when you found someone else.i wish you get it all back.
No girl deserves this!

sometimes in your life you know what you are doing to yourself.you get those vibes when you are making those mistakes but still you do it,you do it with no regrets and then later lose everything in your life and again with no regrets.

i loved you Arjun but you ruined me.

Submitted: May 15, 2017

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Submitted: May 15, 2017

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