The Poems of Tim.

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A supplement to The Artist by Bobby Grafe. This is a collection of poems written by Tim King, the main character of the novel. These poems were written by Tim as he spent time in a drug rehabilitation facility in Texas.

Submitted: May 18, 2017

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Submitted: May 18, 2017

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THE

POEMS

OF

TIM.

 

 

A SUPPLEMENT TO

 

THE ARTIST

 

BY

BOBBY GRAFE

 

 

 

 

 

The Following poems are the work of Tim King, The Artist.

 

He wrote them while recovering from drug addiction at a rehab facility in Houston, Texas.  The topics of the poems cover the deeply personal topics that would later be reflected in his artwork.  Some of the poems were inspired by the men in Tim’s treatment groups as they shared their own personal stories.

 

You may find some of the material disturbing, and some of the topics include drug addiction and rape.  You might smile once or twice, as well.

 

I hope that you enjoy the poems of Tim as much as I enjoyed writing them.

 

Bobby

 

 

 

 

BROKEN

 

 

My broken heart is weary

Tears, they fall in vain

Hope somewhere far from me

Faith a faded memory

 

Moments so bitter

 

I speak of death with bated breath

My freedoms stripped away

A loss that churns my memories

I feel there's no escape

 

So here is my jail

 

And in my mind each tricky trick

My thoughts the bars, my words the bricks

A prison made of soul and skin

Just one convict lives within

a custom hell that I have built

I'm beating at the walls

My bloody fists exhausted

I fell the fall of falls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE TWEAKER

 

Middle of a binge

Man, it feels nice

I'm sucking that pipe

I'm smoking that ice

and I can feel it coming,

some sex is on the list

Sitting in the bathhouse

Studs in the mist

It's gonna be a rager

Some very bad behaviour

Dance music pumping

All the men humping

I see you checking me

You wanna ride my rocket?

Baby, I'm the plug

You, you're the socket

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cowboy’s Kiss

 

My rusty, scarred heart today recovers

loneliness cast away

A cowboy's kiss

passion and bliss

Maybe a lover someday?

Now hours have passed

My lips are still burning

Deep brown eyes etched in my mind

Thoughts of your gaze into me still linger

stirring me deep from inside

Caught up in warm memory

My cowboy like a sweet dream

and there too am I

surrendering to your tides

currents flowing through me

spirit, body, and mind

Alive in my senses

Handsome man, so sublime

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DESIRE IN ORBIT

 

Spiral on a string forever swings

Orbiting the goal, but no prize to hold

See the thing you want

Center in a swirl

Forever to taunt you

Moon around the world

 

 

 

 

 

 

HATE

 

Wicked, vile emotion

best left floating on distant oceans

With love opposed

I let you in, and all doors closed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE SPACE BETWEEN

 

Dumb dummy dumb dumb

believes the things he's heard

Even though we've proven that

it's really quite absurd

Science telling just the facts

Bible tells the rest

Man caught in the space between

It's just an awful mess

Scared to say there is no God?

I'm with you, I agree

but God is spirit, God is love

not the King of Tyranny

We follow our nature

We follow our dreams

We listen for the voice

It tells us who we are inside

There never was a choice

So, fight and claw each other to death

It's the story of our past

But blood and gore will evermore

fill that void, so vast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

 

 

I'm like a dog in the street

with your boot at my throat

but you can't change my thoughts

the answer still is "no"

I'm free inside my mind

my body and soul

I'm free to see things my way

so just leave me alone

you wonder what I do

when I come home at night

you're peeping through my window

you know it isn't right

I really don't care what you do

so why do care about me?

you're sucking all my life away

like a thousand little fleas

I'm itching from the wounds

your gnawing little teeth

claiming it’s for Jesus

but your nothing like He

manipulate the masses

pull the puppet strings

you're kicking all our asses

and we can't feel a thing

I'm numb to the madness

it's all I've ever known

and now you send the messages

directly to my phone

I'm choking on the messages

you cram them down my throat

and man, I know what stress is

so just leave me alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Night Scars

 

I remember the night that up became down

smiles became frowns

My ripped apart heart left for dead

If you've never been to the depths of Hell

Don't worry, Oh well

I'll show you, it's here in my head

In the darkest corner of the deepest abyss

where light dares never to go

It happens every night to me

a vicious, repetitious flow

All goodness eclipsed until morn

darkness to darkness

dreams woven in scorn

Jolted and tortured each night do I scream

invaded within my memories

Look in my eyes, I know they seem kind

but when they close the tape rewinds

The same man again and again

He's probably forgotten

I was nothing to him

His knife at my throat

His fury inside me

Riding, delighting in my screams!

A devil incarnate was he

leaving a spell upon his prey

Safety only found during the day

My destiny never to win this fight

Scars upon scars

He rapes me every night

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE PIRATE

As we fall farther and further below the high classes

Every day landing flat on our asses

One day we'll hold out our hands in need

like peons begging for crumbs

 

Our only escape mental masturbation

Dreaming of life on a higher station

They've kicked our butts so long now

that we've finally gotten numb

 

But I close my eyes, now I'm on an island

you take the low road, I'll take the high one

but the closest I'll get to that dream

is a cheap bottle of rum

 

And if I was a pirate, I'd hire the brasses

and woodwinds to play while we raise our glasses

Death to the rich who kept us down!

Fee!  Fi!  Fum!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PASSENGER

 

Looking back on all the bad

No words take back the horrible, sad

the trips, the falls

fangs and claws

demons inside

a man with no balls

Never able to do what's right

A Hell bound plane

A stormy night

Falling deep to the abyss

My sins checked off on Satan's list

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aura Universal

 

Between the fibres of anything you can name

there are things unseen

mysterious and inane

the magical place where all things become one

between neutrons and protons

between Earth and sun

energy, spirits

Life never bled

Who knows what's really out there?

Or inside our heads?

That's right, the spaces are inside of us, too

The spiritual essence, the magical glue

We are bound to each other

To Earth, Sun, and Moon

To all living the creatures

The great unseen teacher

All fear, love, and desire

the burning emotions

the raging bonfires

Hate and love just a yin-yang inside

Today you're the Jekyll, tomorrow the Hyde

a struggle to balance our darkest of sides

Respect mother Earth, you are pulled by her tides

Close your eyes, recognise the beauty inside

Feel the connection to all you are near

For empty spaces are so much more than they appear

 

 

 

 

 

 

FISHBOWL

 

Like water to fish is air to man

Our world a fishbowl

The human sanctuary

And now that we've tore it to bits

prepare to die mankind

an oxymoron I find

For what kindness can be found

in a world where love is upside down?

A place where water costs a buck

Beautiful Earth, truly fucked

There is no place for us to go

So, clean your father's mess

or stand in toxic winds and death

The fires have been burning

The world now just a smoky room

The winds blow like currents flow

but it's just the circular force of motion

There is no taking back the trash, the smoke

the sick fucking joke

so go ahead and try

you might even survive

But change must occur if we are to thrive

Oh keepers of the Earth, you raped her instead

and now you ignore the deed

But death comes fast

and surely man has never learned

a damn thing from the past

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VERSITILE

 

 

 

Flip, flop

bottom, top

What's it gonna be?

Am I getting inside you?

Or you inside of me?

Maybe we could wrestle?

see who ends up on top

And once we get it going bud

We aren't gonna stop

Cruising at the bathhouse

primed for action now

a tube of lube

a damn hot dude

soon a sweaty, wow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PETROFIX

 

Oil as blood

Hear her cry

We stick in the needle

We bleed the Earth dry

Calling all heroes

Now is the time

Make haste cavalier

soon she will die

Smog in the sky

Cars spewing death

Arctic meltdown

Failing life's tests

Mankind like sheep

 follow all the wrong leaders

Earth dies before us

yet we wish gas was cheaper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRUTH

 

 

I'm tired of the bullshit

You think that you know God

but I can see right through you

such a grand façade

You’re giving Him no credit

He has a mind you know

you keep Him tucked into a book

and then you start the show

You’re jumping up and down

you're screaming all the words

but He’d be disappointed

if He hears what I heard

and you with all your arrogance

“I’d love you as you are

but God told me that you are wrong”

well, man you go to far

for God told me that I am fine

open up your ears

but you refuse to hear the truth

an answer so clear

We are meant to stand as one

brothers in the name of love

and that hateful attitude you have

did NOT come from above

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT

 

 

 

 

The morphine seemed as effective as some water

Terrible day

The veins were sticking out on her forehead

Blood red face

I do not understand what is really going on

So much pain

A woman so sweet and precious in my eyes

What happened?

Her persistent pain shared with those who care

Breaking hearts

Do I wish that she would just pass away?

Maybe so

But I would have to willing to let her go

Can I?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I WONDER

 

 

I wonder what happened to that guy that day

I wouldn't buy his crack, and I tried to drive away

My tires spinning on Valentine street

No cops around and a quick retreat

I should have popped his hand

in hopes that some would land

Instead he started punching me

my face beaten while I desperately flee

Tires screaming

Wishing I was dreaming

I can't believe I fell for this

Now I'm in a world of shit

Selling all my stock

a slave to the rock

Using at work

I'm such a fucking jerk

What the hell happened?

 

I wonder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?

 

Funny it seems

Nature has a way

of making new creations

life born every day

Some of us are different

but we still get in line

And, if you live in 'Frisco bud

you'll probably be fine

But, I live in the deep south

full of hate and big mouths

 

You call me 'fag'

 

it's a drag

Well, I hate to tell you baby

Timmy's got his own bag

And if you look around you

you will surely see

lots of different people

some similar to me

You can't change my nature

I do what's natural for me

But since I'm not made just like you

my nature you refuse to see

Now, I'm not trying to make you bi

and you damn sure can't make me straight

and I still don't fucking understand

how we're different anyway

 

What's your deal?

 

 

 

 

 

PATRIOTIC

 

 

My secrets are mine

my plans not divulged

You meddle with me

but I'll play not your fool

How long till the effects wear off?

The sickness of society

My stomach wrenched

completely drenched

What happened to the land of the free?

I was born into darkness

a tragic fall from grace

The battle for power was waged

long before I was raised

The hate machine is running

Free means “Free to be like me”

My country truly divided

The land of hypocrisy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PETRIFIED

 

 

Tangled up funk

My emotions unwind

A shaky soul drifting

through tides and time

Scared of my shadow

I unleash the past

memories so painful

they leave me aghast

A lost, yearning feeling

with no sign of peace

longing for love

I pray for release

Somebody help me

so silent a scream

laying here frozen

another bad dream

Locked in a moment

this is who I am

stony and fearful

a petrified man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DUALITY

 

 

Damn, I don't belong here

The whole world just feels wrong

A wounded life

a tragic defeat

one click from living in the street

But in my darkest hour

I can still close my eyes

feeling the dream of you and I

A heart that melds with mine

hope is born inside

I would fight the biggest battles

just to lay with you each night

My eyes lost in you

a euphoric blast to the moon

to the high places inside us

Our lips together

breathing

air in me

air in you

passing the breath between us

passion heat is rising

a hot molten place inside us

and we feed the fire gladly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MUMBLER

 

 

Talking to myself again

mumbling every word

all the things I've spoken

that no one ever heard

Like how I lost myself in fear

at such a tender age

or how I lived with a man

always filled with rage

And there's that time

that I fucked up

took something

wasn't mine

Or how I used to do those drugs

chasing a good time

All those little secrets

pouring from my lips

daisy chains, deepest pains

funky acid trips

Nobody to hear my words

just me behind the wheel

trying to avoid myself

and all the things I feel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

REGRET

 

 

It happened one day that my soul caved in

Spiritual death, was right on the rim

crying the tears of a broken man

caught in addiction

far from the plan

Unable to look anyone in the face

One kind glance and my pulse would race

and the condescending snide remarks

from those who never chased the spark

not understanding what it's like

to live to tell the tale

So close to death that I still can smell

the musty walls of my spiritual jail

a rattled cage full of secrets and sludge

every day tasting the rust in my blood

corrosion inside the smiling fool

who walked a dangerous path

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RINGING

 

 

Waam Waam Waam

Ringing sounds in his head

numb, and almost dead

A bitter bottom finally reached

barely with the will to speak

on the phone with his brother

 

Waam Waam Waam

Pulsing in the mind of he

who fell so far beneath the sea

to the core of nothingness

but here comes a friend

reaching out to save a soul

a boy who obviously lost control

a sigh of relief to know

he lives to try again

 

Waam Waam Waam

Coming down is a bitch

dealers took your car last night

then left it in a ditch

addiction making logic flee

and his eyes finally able to see

but the picture isn't pretty

and the pain sets in

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PEON

 

My senses are tingling

danger is everywhere

and if you can't quite make it man

nobody seems to care

A helping hand once offered

now buried in the past

as we all claw at the corporate wall

a wasteland so vast

people working to the bone

most barely able to keep a home

while kings of the corporate world

look down from thrones of power

with magnifying glass in place

burning up the ants they chase

sending nasty-grams to those who can't keep up

Government caught in a catch-22

the outcome grim, a moody blue

and even though I'm nothing to you

I know our species could use a re-do

So obvious that we missed the mark

industrious fools with brains stuck in park

we care about all the wrong things

I guess we deserve what's coming this way

We serve it up, a grand parfait

layered with hate, and greed, and fear

We did it to ourselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BREAKING UP

 

 

Tatter, tear

I'm in your snare

it's ripping up my heart

tearing soul away from me

a person in two parts

One still hopeful life could be

so joyful, full of peace

One that hides the darker side

praying for release

I can't hurt you

but I still can't stay

I'm chained to you

a slave

Wondering where we went wrong

my days are filled with haze

Addiction, did it make things worse?

The chicken or the egg

My next car, it might be a hearse

so on my knees I beg

Let me go, and don't be mean

we've fought so very long

And why are you so fucking weak?

You looked so very strong

You scare me now

I'm cowering

My life now servitude

You need some time to know yourself

quit pretending we are true

Your illusion, now my hell

and no, I'm not doing very well

but until I get the guts to scream

I'll sit here in your little dream

 

 

 

 

GIVER

 

 

Sometimes it's better to jack around

than wake up one day with your heart on the ground

Giving yourself to someone else

as if you had a choice

Falling in love at the drop of a hat

never predicting the cardiac splat

and you know it's wrong to wish that things

had turned out differently

a gentle kiss, physical bliss

a prelude to the pain and fits

when needing him is something that

you cannot wish away

And each new scar, once just a scab

makes it harder for him to stab

but the funny thing is that you show him

all your weakest entry points

Guiding the blade while you hold his hand

spilling your blood for another man

Never asking if he'd do the same thing for you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INSTINCT

 

 

As we upset the balance of our only home

sucking out oil, making Styrofoam

Hoarding things from one another

and trying to stay on top

Nobody able to stop the machine

industrial fools in a very bad dream

choking on the smoke we spew

 

Burn!  Baby burn!

 

The sad part is that we already know

that there is way to slow our roll

But the hands of time can't be pulled back

unless some blood is spilled

Fighting instead of lending a hand

a basic trait of the thing called man

making mistakes again and again

 

Please learn, baby

Learn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RED PUDDLES

 

With bible thumpers left behind

I'm on to the land of open minds

where logic finds a home

Science accepted

no longer alone

I'm coming out

I'm confessing

that the bible can be quite distressing

Words bent into wrongful acts

Jesus never said “attack”

yet fighting fills the world

Every god that hasn't died

motivates crazed men inside

They call their churches to arms

Judging, then they sound alarms

It's time to go to war!

And I will never understand what all this fighting is for

Due only to a different view?

One that isn't quite like you?

You must be insecure

lashing out for evermore

and now red puddles on the floor

 

 

 

 

 

 


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