fifteen

fifteen

Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

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Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

Houses:

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ldr

Summary

about how my long distance relationship came to be and where we stand now. The first three chapters are under one major section titled, "Destiny's Section". The other three chapter right after that are a part of section two which is titled, "Ethan's Section". And finally, the last chapter is in itself a major section titled, "Our Section".
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Tags

ldr

Summary

about how my long distance relationship came to be and where we stand now. The first three chapters are under one major section titled, "Destiny's Section". The other three chapter right after that are a part of section two which is titled, "Ethan's Section". And finally, the last chapter is in itself a major section titled, "Our Section".

Chapter1 (v.1) - Him

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 19, 2017

Reads: 24

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 19, 2017

A A A

A A A

May was rapidly coming to the end of its days.  The heat was on, and the summer wait began no longer and overbearing thing.  The sound of a car coming to a halt was heard throughout the quiet neighborhood.  I had always noticed how everyday when I looked at the sky, it wais two drastic types of color.  When I go to turn the car on for it to start it's warming up process sooner, the morning sky would be painted a haunting blue.  Then as the day goes by, and I finally encounter the sky again after eight hours of being sealed up in a building for my own learning experiences, it is a welcoming baby blue. The car drives into the driveway, then into the garage of the second house from the corner.  I step out of the navy blue Nissan, my two feet landing on our stony pavement that led towards the back door of my house.  Only my father and brother are here with me.  If there was “no traffic”, my father would pick me up from school everyday at around 3:30pm.  My brother is picked up before I am because my school is too far from my house.  My brother’s is closer, and it’s somehow an easier drive for my dad.  My brother shuts the car door behind him and stands alongside me.  We idly stood by as we waited for our father to open the back door.  I use to have a key to this door, but my mother claimed it a while back after misplacing hers.  We never go through the front door anymore, though we still have at least two copies of that key just in case.  There’s a funny story that explains why we enter our house through the back door.  Still, to put it in the simplest of terms: my father dislikes our next door neighbors.  Going through the back door allows for him to avoid them at all cost, for they normally like to enjoy their time outdoors in the front of their house.

 

“That’s rude,” I told my father.

 

“It isn’t,” he said.  “They do nothing but stop me when I don’t want to be interrupted.”

 

Still, my father isn’t much of a planner.  Once he’s at the house,he usually would spend the majority of his day sleeping.  When he is not home, he is gone someplace until the next day.

 

“That doesn’t matter, Destiny.  I don’t want to be bothered by them.  They talk too much and won’t stop.  And it’s not even interesting.  Just crap I don’t care to hear.”

 

My father goes around the car, and to the back door and unlocks it.  The sound of Smudge barking was heard from within the house.  The barking wasn’t one that Smudge has when encountering a stranger he’s skeptical of, but a happy bark.

 

“Smudge!”, Eli shouts, walking inside the house through the laundry section.  

 

Smudge barks back in excitement in short, fast intervals.  The aroma of lavender detergent invades my nostrils the minute I step into the laundry room.  There are piles of clothes separated in terms of color on the ground.  There are the light clothes, dark clothes, white clothes, and various blankets.  Shirts, blouses, jeans, sweats, underwears, and socks are in their appropriate piles on the ground in front of the washer and drier.  I opened our wooden door that separated the basement and the laundry area, and walked into the dark, smelly basement.  Every time I have walked into the basement, I would feel somewhat ashamed of it.  My house is nowhere near done in terms of looking like an actual home.  It doesn’t have that home look to it.  If I’m being honest here, it’s not a beautiful house but it gets by.  The basement is moslty Smudge’s domain when no one is in the house to keep a close eye on him.  When no one is looking, he would pee on multiple pieces of furniture.  So, we made this alternative for him to use as his personal bathroom since it is already disgusting.  I scanned the room I noticed he wasn’t here, but in the kitchen at the top of the steps.  I knew this because as we arrived to the steps, he opened the door my forcefully scratching the door until it slid open.  

 

That’s not good.  He probably peed on stuff.

 

Eli, being the natural born racer to anything, sped up the stairs first.

 

“Smudge!”, Eli happily shouted.  

 

Smudge then begins to excitedly spring up and down, spastically licking Eli.  He stumbles by Smudge, who is jumping up and down, at times lightly pushes Eli aside with his itty-bitty paws on Eli’s puny thighs, through the kitchen into the dining room.  

 

Eli halted in the middle of the kitchen in between the stove and sink.  “Aw, come on, Smudge! Why’d you pee?” Eli scolded.

 

Immediately after Smudge looks back at Eli for a split second and growls.  He skirts away from Eli in order to avoid being reprimanded any further, and refocuses his attention and my father and I.  We headed upstairs into the kitchen.  Smudge’s fluffy, black and white tail was frantically wagging with his head resting on his two white paws.  

 

He’s so cute!  

 

I kneel down and open my arms to him.  Routinely, he hops into my arms and licks my cheeks and lips and hands.  

 

I gave him a kiss on his nose and forehead.  “Hey, cutie!  I missed you!”

 

I walk a little farther into the kitchen.  I took off my shoes before I set foot on the hardwood floor, picked them up and attempted to find place for them on our unused treadmill.  Dust has been accumulating on the sides where the platform rests overtime due to lack of use.  There are several cardboard boxes laying on the mat, along with other shoes that are frequently used.  It’s more convenient for us to place of favorite shoes here so that we can just grab and go.My mother placed strict rules on shoes not being worn at any time on the new hardwood we just got put in a few weeks ago.  Smudge continues to follow me in happy hops, cheerfully barking and spinning occasionally.  I carefully watch my feet to make sure I don’t step on him.  

 

“Ok, ok,” I said, attempting to calm him down.

 

I opened the living room closet and placed my bookbag on the right hook like I always did.  Hanging on it too was my black purse that I mainly used for work.  Its light brown satchel swung side to side on the hook after I carelessly placed my bookbag. There are many hangers in the closet.  The majority of them are occupied by coats and jackets of many kinds, of which are owned by different people in the family, but most are dark colors.  Some are mine, others are Eli’s and the rest a mix of my father’s and mother’s.  As I closed the closet door, I headed towards the nearest couch.  It sits in front of two windows, with its unique brown swirled and crossed pillows.  I plopped down on the couch and motioned for my dog to stand on his back feet and put his two front paws on my lap.  

 

“Smudge!” I called out to him, patting my lap.

 

He ran over and hopped on my lap.  I played with him for a little, the same routine I do everyday with him when I came home from school.  I gave him more kisses on his black nose, but this time he was more resistant.  He only allows for me to give him kisses on his nose when I haven’t seen him in a while.  There are days when I am off from school and even work, and I attempt to kiss his nose and he growls.  

 

“What a weirdo,” my mother would say.  

 

She believes Smudge secretly hates us, or is bipolar or something.  She thinks it’s disgusting to kiss his nose in the first place, but I don’t care.  Suddenly, I heard this growling noise.  The source wasn’t coming from Smudge.  His growls did not sound like the one I just heard.  It broke my thought process.  I then heard it again, and this time felt it.  

 

I looked down.  Wow, I am hungry.  

 

I walked back towards the kitchen and curiously opened the fridge to see what was inside for me to eat.  I usually skip dinner, mostly because I have to close at my job.  Yesterday was one of my night shifts, so I never got a chance to actually eat before I went to bed.  I opened it and found nothing for me to eat.  There are meat products and milk products: deli meat, left over chicken tenders, milk, rice milk, cheese, and chips that are too bland without a sort of dip.  Then on the second row, there were eggs and bread.  On the very bottom row, there were just more bland chips, a variety of vegetables, of which 85% of them look to have gone bad, my grandmother’s cup and more bread but a different kind from the first one.  It seems like there is some kind of fruit smoothie in my grandmother’s cup.  She left it practically full.  I can’t even tell if she even actually drank any.  

 

Well, a good smoothie gone to waste yet again.  

 

I closed the fridge and opened the freezer.

 

Again, nothing.  I sighed.  

 

I submitted to defeat and just decided to pour myself an off-brand of fruit loops with rice milk in a small bowl.  When we were first introduced to rice milk, I did not like its taste.  I am not one of those people who gulp down a whole glass of milk.  I only use milk when I eat cereal, which is not as often as it use to be.  My diet has changed pretty dramatically.  First off, I am a vegetarian.  I decided to become a vegetarian because I could not digest meat well at all, and I am lactose-intolerant.  I eventually began to have digestion issues that granted me with several trips to the hospital.  Still, my mother loves to eat meat.  It is a big part of our culture anyway, being Puerto Ricans and all.  My mother proudly expresses our roots when it comes to meals.  I am too, it’s just that I am incapable of digesting it.  My father is also a vegetarian.  Everytime he makes a trip to the market, which is not often, he purchases only vegetables and fruits.  Everything he purchases is solely for himself.  Ironically, the majority of them go bad and he does not make any effort to eat them before they go bad.  Eli is lactose-intolerant as well.  Him and I use to drink lactaid milk, but it wasn’t until very recent that we realized it was not good for us, especially for him, still.  He began to occasionally get sick to his stomach and eventually puke up whatever it was that he had last eaten.  Though I am fully aware of my condition, I love cheese so much that I find it difficult to keep away from it.  I have been trying but it’s pretty difficult.  I snatched a black, plastic spoon from the jar of silverware we have resting on the sink counter.  On the handle is a simple design, which gives it a nice touch.  I walked over to the living room and sat on the couch.  Smudge stops playing with his bone, and jumps on top of the couch I am on and stares at the bowl.  

 

I chuckled and messily pet his hairy head.  “You want some?” I asked.  

 

He knows exactly what I mean, because he begins to happily wag his tail.  He makes the panting sound, not because he’s hungry, but because he is about to let out a happy bark.  I grabbed a few pieces from my bowl and hold them out on my palm.  He reached over with his mouth, and quickly collected the pieces using his pink tongue.  The fruit loops crunch in his mouth.  As he finished up, he wagged his tail again, a sign that he wanted more.

 

“No more.”

 

I turned to my phone and realized I had a few notifications.  Not to my surprise, they are all from Ethan.  Ethan is a boy I met on xbox a few months ago.  I was introduced in a clan on Gears of War 3, one of my favorite games.  He was already a member of it.  I was the newest member, but the clan fell off after only a few weeks of me being there.  Ever since though, I have gotten to know him.  We played hours and hours together, and talked to each other every day.  He’s a very great friend.  I really enjoyed spending time with him.  He was really the only person that texted me.  I rarely ever received text messages from any other person besides my parents and Ethan.  Smiling, I opened the conversation and replied to him.  I let him know I was home and asked him if he wanted to play on xbox and talk.  I got out of the conversation and went straight to youtube.  My thumb hovered over a new video of my favorite youtuber: Dashiegames.  He uploaded a video of him playing Mario Kart 8.  

 

Yes!  

 

I opened up the video and readied myself.  His videos always started off with highlights of that video.  This particular video began with him screaming at a character named Donkey Kong because he passed by Dashie right as the race was about to be over.  Then the highlight stopped and skipped straight to the intro of his video.

 

“What up!!  It’s Dash-ie.  And welcome BACK to Mario Kart 8-ta.  Shit-ta!”

 

Dashie curses in every video he has made.  A notification popped up only twenty-eight seconds into the video.  It was a text message from Ethan.  I tap on the notification bar to check the entire message, because for some reason it only showed half of the message.  The text read:

 

“Yeah.  I’ll get online right now?  Wanna play Gears of War 3?”

 

“Of course lol,” I replied.

 

I finished up the video, and rushed upstairs into my room.  Smudge made sure to travel right behind me.  The door made a loud creak when I opened it.  The aroma of perfumes and a little mix of dog come crashing into my air way.  The walls are a medium grey, with the ceiling a worn out white color.  I turned on my light.  The switch allows for me to dim my light if I wanted to, but I put it all the way up so that it was bright.  Smudge pranced in the room and into the darkness under my bed.  He always stayed down there when I entered my room.  Sometimes he would be playing with his toy, or just lounging around somewhere.  I walked to my bed but then realized it was too bright for my liking.  I walked back to the door to adjust the lighting.  Smudge frantically gets out.

 

“It’s ok.  I’m staying here.  Just fixing the light.”

 

I bend down to give him a reassuring pat on the head.  He stands there looking at me only to make sure that I do not leave him alone in my room.  I shut the door and walk to my tv.  My flat screen rests on top of my black drawer, which is located to right of my door as soon as I walk in.  There are three empty water bottles settled on the drawer-one is regularly placed on it, while the others at laying down, supported by an extra xbox controller that I don’t use unless I am playing recreationally.  I grabbed my worn out, black xbox controller and hover my finger over the xbox button.  I remember when you had to press the button to turn the console on.  But now, with technology advancing more and more each day, you don’t have to break a sweat for even the smallest tasks.  The button detects my fingers the second I come close to the button.  I sometimes play with Smudge and grab his paw and make him turn the console on.  He usually growls at me because it makes him uncomfortable when I do it, but I don’t care.  I make sure to grab my glasses before I settle on my bed.  There is a very small gap in between my bed and the dresser that carries my bed.  I hate sitting too far from the screen, even if it doesn’t seem that far.  I just feel very disconnected to the game, and I can’t focus that well.  I need to stop doing this.  But I know I won’t for a long time from now.  My vision gets more and more blurry each day because of things such as this that I do to myself.  Next to my dresser sits my shoe rack, and on my shoe rack is my headset I use for my xbox to talk to Ethan online.  It is mostly all black, with a picture of a lime green palm tree on each outer side of the earpieces.  The letters XL are underneath the green palm trees in the same color as them.  A mic is attached on the left earpiece, curving inward towards where my mouth would be.  A cracking-like sound is heard from me stretching them to place them on my head.  I have to put the side adjustments all the way down because of my small head.  Then, after I have gotten comfortable, I realized I forgot the most crucial part of this entire process: turning on the tv screen.  I roll my eyes to myself, wondering how I could have forgotten, even with after doing this same routine millions of times.  I sluggishly get up, and press the button on the bottom right corner of my tv.  Reversing my steps, I find myself on my bed right in front of my dresser once more ready to play the game, and most importantly speak to Ethan.  I text him.

 

“I’m online now.”

 

An image of the upper case letter r pops up with a check mark next to it, indicating that he read my message.  Seconds later, a notification sound from my headset catches my attention.  I look up, and notice that xlMeteorlx invited me to a party to chat.  I never understood why Ethan stuck with that name.  I asked him before what the significance of the word meteor was, but he never gave me a clear answer.  And if he did, I surely forgot what it was all together.  I hold down on the big xbox symbol on the remote so that I can join the party.  A visual of the chat room pops up on the screen, showing his account name in the chat room with the icon of a mic next to it.  And next to his gamertag is a profile picture of a unicorn.  Of course.  And underneath his gamertag is mine: Sure Weirdo.  I recently joined a clan named Sure Gang, and so I had to change my name.  The word Sure had to be the start of the gamertag, followed by any other word(s) you wanted.  Sure Pharaoh, the clan leader, asked me what I would put for the last part, and I told him I could not think of a good one that would go well with the word Sure in the beginning.  

 

“Weirdo,” he said.

 

“But I’m serious, Pharaoh.  I don’t know what to put for the last part.”

 

“No, I mean ‘weirdo’.  Put the word ‘weirdo’ for the last part of it.  I think it would sound nice.”

 

So I took his suggestion and ran with it.  And ever since then, people online call me “Weirdo”.  That is pretty much my nickname to people who don’t know me and others who do.  Suddenly, I see Ethan’s mic icon move.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey,” I slyly replied back.

 

He chuckled.  “Hey, you want to play Gears now?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I loaded the disc.  It began to go through its introduction by acknowledging the groups who made the game possible, like every Gears of War.  

 

“So, how was school and stuff?”

 

“It was fine.  Nothing crazy or interesting, really,” I said.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah,” I thought.  “What about you?  How are you and Sounaly?”

 

I could already taste the vulgarness of her name before it formed on my tongue.  She was his girlfriend that he met on a dating app or whatever.  I recall him telling me the story of how he even got around to “meeting” her and all.  They have never met in person.  In fact, they were a long-distance relationship.  I always thought those kinds of relationships were the most off-putting.  Many would say that the two companions would secretly cheat on one another until one of them was caught.  Other tales would be of extreme depression and loneliness.  I could understand that.  

 

Still, why be in a relationship where you couldn’t  see your significant other?  

 

Personally, I would need them to be with me in person.  I couldn’t bear the thought of having to wait a very long period of time only to see them.  

What if they completely dislike you in person?  What if separated, it works fine, but in person it doesn’t work out?  Or worse, what if you have to stay in that kind of relationship forever?  

 

I have only been in two relationships, and my previous one was a long-distance one.  I know I think nastily of these relationships, and ironically have been in one, but I was experimenting.  And besides, they lived a state from me.  Plus, we made arrangements to see each other very soon.  Fortunately though, that relationship ended.  That was an unhealthy relationship I endured for a few months.  Being ridiculed for being myself, being threatened with abandonment, having rumors being spread about me, and even being cheated on.  I endured many hardships when going through that battle with my ex.  Ethan most definitely noticed it.  He was my ex’s best friend at the time (or so my ex thought of him as one).  It was not until the final straw, where Jahaad (yes, that was his name) messaged me on xbox saying he did not want to speak with me.  At first, I was hurt.  The only thoughts that were racing through my head were “What did I do wrong this time?” and “Why am I never good enough?”  I sobbed quietly, in my room, as to not to disturb anyone, pondering on the choices I have made thus far.  Then, I randomly received a message from his other “best friend”.  I opened the message and it read:

 

“Yo, u kno that Jahaad dont like u right?  He going out wit some other gurl.”

 

I could not believe what I had just read.  Not only was the grammar and spelling awful, the message they were attempting to give to me was hurtful.  The thought of boyfriend telling people other than myself that he did not like me was nerve-wrecking.  And for him to like another girl… I had eventually went and told Ethan all about the misunderstanding I had with Jahaad, as well as the message.  He gave only one short response:

 

“Wow.”

 

“Wow” was indeed correct.

 

“We’re fine, I guess,” he says.

 

His response threw me off the train of racing thoughts.  The last added part to that response threw me off the most.  I guess?  

 

“I guess?”

 

“I mean,” he takes a second to finish, “I mean, we’re fine.  Really.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“I don’t believe it,” I challenged.

 

What’s he keeping from me?  Did something happen?  Did she do something to him?

 

Now there’s one thing you need to know about Ethan: he is one of the most kind hearted guys I have ever met.  Yeah, that sounds so generic and all, but it actually is the truth.  Ethan always approached me kindly, asking how I felt and giving some insight.  He would always assure to me that he understood me, and that he was there if I was in need of him.  With him being the good guy comes bad things.  People walk all over him.  They accept his kindness, but don’t ever think of returning it to him.  And this is what Sounaly has done on several occasions.  Ethan has told me about the times that they have skyped, and what she would do or ask him about.  Several times, she has had cousins or sisters around during their skype call.  They would tell Ethan about how she was speaking to other guys, and hugging them.  She wouldn’t even explain herself, or even go against the things they mentioned.  Mainly because what they said was the truth.  Ethan would question her, and she would agree, but tell him it’s nothing to worry about.  That they are only “friends” to her.  But one day, she confessed to Ethan that she was going to prom with another guy.  Ethan was understandably upset about it.  And this was not an ordinary “friend” like she always claimed.

 

“He’s like all over her in this picture she sent me.  Like they’re embracing.”

 

“Are you serious?”  I was so shocked.  Why would anyone ever treat you this way?

 

“Yeah, sadly.  And get this- she told me they kissed.  Like what the fuck, why the hell would you think that’s okay?  Why even tell me this?  Just fucking leave me.  I don’t want to deal with this anymore.  I don’t know what to do.  This stresses me out.”

 

Then why don’t you leave her?  Why do you allow for this circus show to continue?  You should be with- Oh shit.  I couldn’t believe what he was telling me.  But what I really couldn’t believe was the thought I wanted to finish but knew I shouldn’t.  

 

I can’t like him, remember!?  He’s still with her!  You need to respect that!

 

Oh, but I do!  It’s just so painful to see him being treated this way.  And he’s literally everything you’ve ever wanted!  You have realized that by now, right?  It’s so obvious he’s over her, why wouldn’t he be?  She isn’t good for him.  He’s worth so much more than that!

 

But what am I supposed to do?  I’m not telling him my feelings!  That’s absurd.  I’ll just wait until they break up.  Ugh, it’s so awful to think that way-

 

But you know it’s true!  It’s bound to happen with the way their relationship is heading.

 

I guess you’re right.

 

It was all in my head.  I shouldn’t have thought of her negatively.  Ethan was there for me during my hard times with my boyfriend.  He gave his opinions, but never his overall thought of us, or that we should break up.  It was always about what I think is best.  And that’s how I need to be with him now.  I can’t show my distaste in her.  I shouldn’t even have one in the first place because at the end of the day, they’re dating and I must respect that.

 

He finally replied.  “She just annoys me sometimes.”

 

“Yeah, I understand.”

 

“I feel bad saying that. I feel bad that when I say that, you say you know it like it’s a routine thing.  I don’t want it to be but she just drives me crazy with the stuff she’s done.”

 

I didn’t know how to reply to that.  That’s honestly how it feels though between them.  I know that cycle all too well.

 

“Things will get better.  I know they will,” I assured him.

 

“I doubt it.  But if that’s true, they need to get better very soon.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I hate replying with simply, “yeah”.  When I do that, it’s most likely because I don’t know how to respond to something.  That was one of those times.  I thought of how I could change the subject, but Ethan was already a step ahead of me.

 

“Well, I’m leaving to Florida tomorrow.”

 

“Oh.”  He could tell the sadness that hid behind my voice.

 

“Yeah.  I don’t want to go either.  But we do this every year so.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”  I paused.  “You guys must have a lot of money.”

 

“I mean, not really.  It’s just something we do.  Trust me, my mom finds deals every year.”

 

“I know you guys do it every year.  But you’re gone for too long and you’re literally the only other person I speak to.  So, I’m going to be lonely.”

 

“I know. I’ll miss you.”

 

My heart suddenly fluttered.  He’ll miss me?  

 

He added.  “I’ll miss talking to you all the time on here.”  He laughed a little.

 

Oh.  My cheeks felt hot.  I shook the feeling away.

 

I laughed a little with him.  “Yeah, same.”

 

He asked.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

I wasn’t really, though.  Too many things were on my mind.  The central thing that caused my mind to race inside my noggin until it used up all of its stamina was Ethan.  But of course, I couldn’t let him know that.  

 

But you know you want to.

 

“Well I’ll invite you to my game.”

 

“Ok.















 


© Copyright 2017 Destiny Vazquez. All rights reserved.

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