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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Was I ever enough?

Submitted: May 19, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 19, 2017



Sometimes I stare out the window with a blank look on my face left behind from the dirt I have on my heart. I'm looking through the window imagining this as a fantasy of what I know you've done. However, the rain drops sliding down the glass gives me a clear reflection of the tears rolling down my face. You lock yourself in the bedroom trying to secretly get a quick sedimental conversation in before I come knocking on the door in what I thought was supposed to be our happy home. You've been so unsettling these past couple weeks, but the lies you told me out your mouth played back repeatedly minutes after you say goodnight to me. I know you had another lover and I still tried to pretend like I was cool about it. In hopes you would be completely mine. See my mind played tricks on me like it does on cross word puzzles with words sharing the same letters because one isn't enough. I can't deny each tear that fell came from different reasons beyond the questions I asked about them. I brought a flower for each time I looked out that window thinking the pictures I saw were reality giving me doubts about our love.

I loved you for so many years, but I can see I'm not good enough. Calling your name in the middle of the night, but you're out helping yourself to the dogs around the corner. They know you're mine and the truth hurts me more when you still try to hide the obvious from me. Sneaking in a few more hours after work to enjoy the time with co workers treating you to restaurants while the meals I cooked go cold and old. The leftovers have been seeing more of my emotions than you have in the past few months. I walk past those that blush from my smiles and pleasant hellos. I just want you to be here to hold my hand, but deep down I feel the pain growing from the thoughts raging on surrounding the timing of your leaving. When you leave to go to work, I can't help but watch you leave into the world where I know you have found another love life. We all need love to live on stronger than those filled with hate for each other constantly sticking sharp objects in each other's backs just trying to get away to themselves. Closing my eyes only proved to be a reminder of how broken I am as I see myself staring into my own eyes repeating the same words you tell me whenever I gaze at you blankly. I just wish this would be over as to go away, but only dandelions blow away with grace leaving behind the true image. To me this is the pure beauty of the souls we share. For you I used to pick Sunflowers every month to remind you of the beauty I see in you rather the Sun is up or sleeping. Just call me to tell me good night before my feelings fade, and my heart drowns in the tears it swims in at night. 

When your looks fade from the magazine covers, and tears fill the buckets underneath your pillow from the constant heart breaks you face from those only wanting you for your outter shell. The love letters I wrote before we grew together will pass you by in your dreams when the time on your clock continues to tick without a pause. The voicemails I left you that lasted 5 minutes will only leave clues as to where the love started fade from the connection we once thought was perfect. The pettles of the flowers that rotted with every lie you told will cross fade with late night out pours of my feelings just wanting you to stay with me. I still need love because Im just a lover. It's seems someone else is giving me all the things I wished I had not seen through that window. She'll stay with me even when forever doesn't seem long enough. She wears the flowers I pick in her hair showing me the appreciation of my admiration for her beauty. The tears I once dropped alone have been dried up by her warming love that pulled my heart out of the waterfalls of tears. I can see I wasn't the only one that had a heart made for true love as she her wish for me to come into her life was similar to mine. She doesn't need to call me to tell me goodnight because she's here to assure me face to face that we'll always be here for each other, so there's no need for closings. I know this is for the better, not for worse. The proof of your actions hurt me no more as she has made me forget those things are even possible for a person truely in love to commit. Those lies that tore us up made me a wiser man, and gave me a clearer view of life on the other side where the grass is indeed lush green surrounding our newly found happy home in the same place you once left me.

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