Sharp Reality

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Blurb of how my mind constantly turns.

Submitted: May 21, 2017

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Content

Submitted: May 21, 2017

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"I have to be real for a second." 

 

"Please do so."

 

"I'm terrified. Freaking scared. My, my." 

(*gulp of air*)

"My mind replays. Replays the last year of high school. I wonder about the girl I almost turned into. Or could've been. I wonder about the boy I could have dated, the girl I could've morphed into."

 

"Mm , why does this bother you?"

 

"Well I change a bit when I'm loving another. In retrospect it's still unclear if we would have made it. Even if I ever made the effort to actually be his and stopped pretending I wasn't. I'm too smart for that."

 

"Do you want him back now?"

 

"I don't want him back now. He's happy. I'm glad for him, kind of. In a way I want to say hello, but that'd always awkward."

 

"Why don't you break the silence?"

 

"Mm. Well. Occasionally, we would reach out to each other. Indirectly, of course. I'm sure his current girlfriend knows nothing of our out there hellos. She seems nice. His girl. She'll be the best thing for him." 

 

"Can you explain yourself on that?"

 

"They want the same things from life. I want a different direction then them.

But.

My mind asks me what could WE have been, what could WE have become? Would we have hated each other? We couldn't have stayed together, that seems almost impossible."

 

"Seems like you have created a conclusion on that."

 

"But why does my mind return always to him?"

 

"Perhaps you should explain further."

 

"I was angry with him for so long. I loved him longer. Cried over our situation longer. I don't care for my first love, as he came much later. There's so much emotion I've given him."

 

"I see, those ties you need to let go."

 

"How do I let go? I'm a spirialer. I spirial out of control with my thoughts. How can I bring myself back? I don't want him, I just want my peace of mind."

 

"Would actually having a conversation be helpful?"

 

"We know better than to talk to each other. It's dangerous. We know our patterns and we'd suffer greatly."

 

"I see.  I see. "

 

"I think I'm left with a ghost of him haunting me. Lingering far into the night, pouncing when my anxieties have worn me down."

 

"You do seem a little overwhelmed and tired."

 

"I'm so tired of myself. I'm happy and I love another. But why am I still plagued? Do I not love my boyfriend enough? I want to be rid of these unwanted thoughts and memories."

 

(*Pause*)

 

"I hate that they hit me. I'm afraid that my mind betrays me into an emotional infidelity with an old ghost of a boy I no longer want."

 

"Time will iron this out."

 

"Please help me. I've been through three years of this. I'm done giving it time."

 

"We will figure out a way, but our session is up."

 

"I think I might be the real problem after all."  


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