Reason you should visit P.Q.P

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Daytime Critiques
Article written about Pendleton Queen Park.

Submitted: May 21, 2017

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Submitted: May 21, 2017



Reasons why you should


Pendleton Queen park


As we all know, there are a lot of parks for you to visit, right? And you don’t want to waste your or your family’s time going to a park that won’t offer you or your family the excitement of the outdoors, right? If that’s the case then please come to Pendleton Queen park where you and your family will get the excitement of the park and the protection of our security team (if they ever decide to show-up, for they get paid regardless of if they show up or not)


Pendleton Queen park (P.Q.P) has numerous filthy, vile and unpleasant wild animals for you and your children to try to get along with, good luck with that faggots! The park has many filthy animals for you to spend your time with like the filthy squirrels, the filthy ducks, filthy blood sucking insects and of course, every one’s favorite, the filthy fairies (they are the filthiest of all). However, you had better get here soon because since we keep their home in such terrible shape they are surely to die from it sooner or later. Yah, if were luck they will be gone even before you show up and cause even more damage to their environment.

Celebrations, yah!

Pendleton Queen Park hosts many celebrations. One of our most famous events is the inappropriate butt slapping event where people go around slapping each other’s butt. If you’re lucky (which we always are here at P.Q.P) some guy caring a huge spoon, fork or knife will show up and sexual harass you. The event is great fun and a whole lot of people show up. However, if you’re looking for food you’re going to have to bring your own for the Byzantine restaurant is closed on the day of the event. When asked why she closed on the day of the event the manager, Airi, replied:

“it’s for religious reasons.”

“What religion would stop you from going around and slapping strangers on the butt?” We asked Airi.

“I’m pretty sure all sane religions forbid it.”

“I’m sure the old Roman gods wouldn’t have a problem with the event.”

“I said sane, didn’t I? Have you ever read their stories? Of course, they have their own problems, of which incest is one of them.”

The interviewer was shocked (in a good way) at what Airi had said and felt the interview should come to an end.

Later on, we held an interview with one of the Greek gods asking him to respond to what Airi had said. This is what the majority had to say about it:

“She’s right you know.”

However, the king of the gods Zeus thought what Airi said was a gross exaggeration of his family. “We are the sanest family that ever existed!”

“How about Hera aren’t y’all brother and sister?” Our interviewer asked.

“That’s different.” He responded.

“Also, don’t you cheat on her regularly?”

“I would never.” He said.

“Are you about to visit Leda or something?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because right now you’re disguised as a swan right now.”

Without warning Zeus flew into the sky and out of sight. His wife Hera, who was standing right next to him, yelled, “Get back here you cheating bastard,” Into the sky.

Our main attraction: Byzantine!

If you don’t want to spend time with the filthy animals (fairies included) or swim in the filthy lake (I forgot to talk about that. Whatever, we have a filthy lake that your filthy children can swim in) then please spend your waste of a life at the ‘Byzantine’ restaurant. There you will find food that’s actually not disgusting and people who aren’t filthy, filthy, filthy creatures like yourselves. Are they aliens? We sure think they are but before the government takes them away we think you should visit their restaurant for the food, beautiful ladies (before it’s too late) and their mascot Byzantine. Their mascot Byzantine is a giant bee creatures that I’m sure your kids would have fun hanging around, for she has many tricks she can perform like sprouting stinger all over her hands, fly high up in the air and buzz so loud that you’re probably going to go deaf. You want be able to miss her for she looks as strange as she sounds: pointy ears, black sclera with deep blue iris’s and a large brown afro that hides her antennas.

Where is Pendleton Queen Park?

I’m tired of writing this silly little article for you silly little, ignorant, disgusting people so I’m not telling you. Bye!

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