A letter to my Savior

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I have a God that listens.

Submitted: May 21, 2017

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Submitted: May 21, 2017



Dear God,

I have a problem. I grow angry too quickly and allow things to rub me the wrong way even if the act was unintentional. Every person has a button you can push and they are instantly blinded, my own is paranoia. "Everyone" is talking about me, and "Everyone" thinks this or that about me. This is going to cause huge issues in other areas of my life if all I can do is process peoples actions and words negativly. 

I should know better by the people that care about me that sometimes, I'll hear things that I do not like or agree with (and thats okay!) it does not mean they have turned on me or dislike me nor does it mean I have suddenly grew distasteful of them. 

Everyone has bad days, they may let something slip, you may do or say something that rubs THEM the wrong way, but it's okay. It is not the fact that I am slow to lash out physically, it is that I have already become a lit furnace internally and I harbour a flame until I think it'll burn out and the consequences of that have been sickness, stress, weight loss, anxiety, depression episodes, over indulgence of money and sweets and yes I admit, even sexual drive. 

I do not consider myself an angry person nor do I want to be seen as someone who flys off the handle at the tick of a tock. I need to learn that there are moments in life (it is not going to be easy) that I can not afford to feel a certain way about things.

Some people will say or do anything to add fuel to the fire they have NO idea burns right in front of them, then again sometimes they are perfectly aware, they want a combustion, a reaction, a finale of foolishness if you will, but not every action NEEDS a reaction. A quote I take proudly from my father.

There will be people who push my buttons on purpose for the sake of saying they accomplished something that day.

My problem also lyes not only in not being able to distinguish who's hurting me and whos providing tough love, it all becomes a blurred line, as nicki put it "Me against enemies, me against friends, somehow they both seem to become one, a sea full of sharks and they all smell blood." 

My vision is easily blurred and therin lyes other issues. I should not be so easily stirred, if i am just SO secure in my faith,

My abilities given to me and my place in the world. peace within brings peace about. 

I had a spiritual revelation last night, I even had a little praise and worship before I went to bed and it must be confessed I have not slept so peacefully in such a long time. 

Every now and then I have to be reminded of where I came from and that there is not a pedestal too high that I can not be knocked down from. 

I deprive myself an ego not becuase I am incapable of having one but because I know that any and everything given can be taken away. my job, my home, finances, respect, I could lose all of it, but  it is said: what does a man profit in gaining the whole world and lose his soul. 

I have mentors in my life thay only want what is best, a God (you) that only wants my salvation, those who have my best interests at heart and I should not distance myself when I disagree (I have)

I have my father as a spiritual guide, strong praying women who want me to prosper. I can not find a jewel on earth or in the heavens above worthy of the repayment of my debt to you. I have been given more than I deserve. The apartment I've wanted since I was a teenager, a job above minimum wage with a boss that actually loves and respects me, parents who keep in contact, children and parents who look up to me, abilities of self expression that grows with me with the love of a forgiving and  understanding creator. 

I deserve none of it and would gladly give it all back if it would be enough to glorify your wonderful name. I praise you on high for all you have done, as a child, a teen and now a young adult. 

I can not say "I had it rough" because honestly I can not recall a day I went without, when I thought I was "poor" I had m0re than most, was I rich? not in materials, but an abundance of wealth in love. 

There will be moments in my own life I may give for I have been given to all my life. I'll do so cheerfully and with a full heart and concious mind. 

I have people I love so I will show that love in any way I can. Every day I live. I won't just use a poetic tongue but beautiful actions to accomodate because it is owed of my soul to pay back what is due to the God that has never stopped giving to me. 

I will work hard and show gratitude always and Lord I will be less quick to anger and be more haste to listen,

In Jesus's name I pray 


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