My Story

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I would say I have changed in the past two years, two years ago I was innocent but now I do not know how it feels to be innocent. I have gone through a lot of shit in the past two years, I am a depression survivor, I was great at keeping that a secret. I overdosed myself countless times, luckily nothing major happened to me because I realised I have a purpose. I have a best friend who doesn’t know shit about my personal life and I also had friends who were not friends. Let me rewind two years’ worth of change for you. I was in secondary school which I kind of liked, I did not swear or anything. I won a political position in 2016, which I was obliviously proud of, I did my GCSE and I was not happy with the result. My results lead me to a shit college, I did Business, English and Maths. I made fake friends, fell in love with a fuck boy, made enemies with 5 or more people, started to slack and maybe found true love again. Now you see the shit I am talking about. In the beginning of college, I loved it everything was cool. I made friends that are not my friends anymore, this is why. My best friend does not like them at all, she said her soul did not accept them. Being blind I did not really listen to her, which I do not actually regret. Some guy really fell in love with me but I did not really love him back, I told him I did not love him but he insisted and he kept pushing. We had a misunderstanding and we did not talk for a month, he felt bad and bought me a gift. One thing to another happened and now we are enemies, a fuck boy played me I would say but I fell in love with him. The relationship lasted for one month 3 weeks, I really hit rock bottom. I obviously cried my eyes out, I cut and overdosed myself once again. Well, I finally moved on, I think I found someone who is deeply in love with me but I will not lie to you I am scared. Yes, I think I love him he is my boyfriend but sometimes he says something that makes me scared. The other day he told me he is going to get me pregnant and go to settle in his country but he will call me every day. I do not know if he was joking, if he goes he is going back to his ex, they will probably get married and have kids. What about me? The reason I used the word think is, I sometimes check my man phone and I see things I should not see. He is still in touch with his ex and some other chick, it hurts. He is hiding something from me, can you believe he changed his password more than 3 times. He says he loves me all the time but sometimes I doubt it, I really do. Anytime I touch his phone he quickly takes it away from me. I found out his ex and him had a long-term relationship until he moved to another country, he still says “I love you forever” “I love you for real”. If he leaves me it only God that can save me, I am the type of person that will love someone hard and I am also the type of person that get the most heartbreaks. The most stupid thing I have done in my life is to post things on Snap Chat and now people who you thought are your friends are talking behind you. The least regret was giving my boyfriend the gift my enemy bought for me, my best friend boyfriend took a screen shot and it only God that know what he did with the screen shot. All this nonsense that as happened made me change, I developed a hard skin, I became short tempered. Two weeks ago, someone I call my best friend insulted me, called me a “Slut” Can you believe that? Well she was saying it as a joke but I did not take it as a joke but she did not know, it alright, right? No, it not it hurt me. What I noticed is anytime we are around boys she behaves differently to me, she tells me to “Shut up”, “Shut the fuck up” “Say no more” “Bitch”. The same best friend said, “You will quit in the first week you start to work”. Hey, it all good I am alright, well I guess life is not fair and no one can be trusted. I wish my parent was not so strict, my mum would have been my best friend. Best friend is supposed to tell you what is happening that you do not know but with mine she does not tell me because of my reaction. The same Best friend do not know that I run my own small business, what annoys me the most is anytime I get something good like Nike or something, people start asking me “where did I get the money from?” why does people poke nose into someone else business? I am growing with wisdom, I do not trust anyone at all this days. I am keeping everything low key, I do not want anyone to know anything about me, well the saying “the older you get the wiser you become” that is bullshit. “The more experience and exposed you are the wiser you” that is the right saying, if you are reading my story please learn from it. Wising up fast, if you don’t you will get hurt badly. I have developed a thick skin and I am very observant. I have now changed to be a better person. God forgive me for what I have done in the past, this shit I am going through is a lesson to prepare me to be a better person tomorrow. By Pem

Submitted: May 22, 2017

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Content

Submitted: May 22, 2017

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I would say I have changed in the past two years, two years ago I was innocent but now I do not know how it feels to be innocent. I have gone through a lot of shit in the past two years, I am a depression survivor, I was great at keeping that a secret. I overdosed myself countless times, luckily nothing major happened to me because I realised I have a purpose.

I have a best friend who doesn’t know shit about my personal life and I also had friends who were not friends. Let me rewind two years’ worth of change for you. I was in secondary school which I kind of liked, I did not swear or anything. I won a political position in 2016, which I was obliviously proud of, I did my GCSE and I was not happy with the result.

My results lead me to a shit college, I did Business, English and Maths. I made fake friends, fell in love with a fuck boy, made enemies with 5 or more people, started to slack and maybe found true love again. Now you see the shit I am talking about.

In the beginning of college, I loved it everything was cool. I made friends that are not my friends anymore, this is why. My best friend does not like them at all, she said her soul did not accept them. Being blind I did not really listen to her, which I do not actually regret. Some guy really fell in love with me but I did not really love him back, I told him I did not love him but he insisted and he kept pushing. We had a misunderstanding and we did not talk for a month, he felt bad and bought me a gift.

One thing to another happened and now we are enemies, a fuck boy played me I would say but I fell in love with him. The relationship lasted for one month 3 weeks, I really hit rock bottom. I obviously cried my eyes out, I cut and overdosed myself once again. Well, I finally moved on, I think I found someone who is deeply in love with me but I will not lie to you I am scared. Yes, I think I love him he is my boyfriend but sometimes he says something that makes me scared. The other day he told me he is going to get me pregnant and go to settle in his country but he will call me every day. I do not know if he was joking, if he goes he is going back to his ex, they will probably get married and have kids. What about me?

The reason I used the word think is, I sometimes check my man phone and I see things I should not see. He is still in touch with his ex and some other chick, it hurts. He is hiding something from me, can you believe he changed his password more than 3 times. He says he loves me all the time but sometimes I doubt it, I really do. Anytime I touch his phone he quickly takes it away from me. I found out his ex and him had a long-term relationship until he moved to another country, he still says “I love you forever” “I love you for real”.

If he leaves me it only God that can save me, I am the type of person that will love someone hard and I am also the type of person that get the most heartbreaks. The most stupid thing I have done in my life is to post things on Snap Chat and now people who you thought are your friends are talking behind you. The least regret was giving my boyfriend the gift my enemy bought for me, my best friend boyfriend took a screen shot and it only God that know what he did with the screen shot.

 All this nonsense that as happened made me change, I developed a hard skin, I became short tempered. Two weeks ago, someone I call my best friend insulted me, called me a “Slut” Can you believe that? Well she was saying it as a joke but I did not take it as a joke but she did not know, it alright, right? No, it not it hurt me. What I noticed is anytime we are around boys she behaves differently to me, she tells me to “Shut up”, “Shut the fuck up” “Say no more” “Bitch”. The same best friend said, “You will quit in the first week you start to work”. Hey, it all good I am alright, well I guess life is not fair and no one can be trusted. I wish my parent was not so strict, my mum would have been my best friend.

Best friend is supposed to tell you what is happening that you do not know but with mine she does not tell me because of my reaction. The same Best friend do not know that I run my own small business, what annoys me the most is anytime I get something good like Nike or something, people start asking me “where did I get the money from?” why does people poke nose into someone else business?

I am growing with wisdom, I do not trust anyone at all this days. I am keeping everything low key, I do not want anyone to know anything about me, well the saying “the older you get the wiser you become” that is bullshit. “The more experience and exposed you are the wiser you” that is the right saying, if you are reading my story please learn from it. Wising up fast, if you don’t you will get hurt badly.

I have developed a thick skin and I am very observant. I have now changed to be a better person. God forgive me for what I have done in the past, this shit I am going through is a lesson to prepare me to be a better person tomorrow. 

By Pem


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