Maybe Just Maybe

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: May 22, 2017

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Submitted: May 22, 2017

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As I was making plans that completely revolved around you and me, you were making plans of your own, I guess you had little faith in me. I do not know if those plans involved someone else who is not me but I do know now there is someone else who is not me and your plans does not involve me. I fight the urge to be destructive because the person I was 6 years ago would have ripped this person's face off and destroyed you and everyone in the process of my fitted rage but no I love you too much for that oh how I wish I didn't. I fell in love with a girl,yes I said a girl, yes I am a girl, no you cannot watch. This girl, this horribly magnificent woman showed me things that I could not believe, feel emotions and feelings that I simply did not know was there and on my own could not conceive, gave me a life I've never imagined,she changed me into a completely different person. I loved it, I loved her and I can not hate myself much more for being so reckless. Then I changed again after the breaking of my own heart. Now that we have ended I'm left Dazed and Confused I don't know if any of it was real, maybe it was too good to be true, if it ever existed. I mean did you ever really feel anything for me I do not know because the only love I've known came from you and you told me that you would never leave me but you did, like everything and everyone I've loved, you did. So how am I to know if what I experienced was real if it was the love people speak of, the love people sing about in our favorite songs. I do not know but what I do know is that no one could ever love me for too long, I knew better than to get too wrapped up because by me being too happy disaster was sure to follow, I should've been more cautious. I don't know where I went wrong, I was trying to be good to you. Maybe I should not have left maybe I should have gave that ticket to my brother and told him to go when you asked me to stay that day, but I had to try; for you and for us I had to show you that I can do this that I can take care of us. Maybe I'm not your average thinker and what you saw as great betrayal I saw as protecting you, I'm sorry my brain doesn't work like others or maybe just maybe I did not miss the idiotic gene pool past down from my father filled with deceit, manipulations and death to all hearts we touch like I thought I did. Maybe just maybe when my soul took that leap before entering inside my body across that deadly pool my foot skimmed the top my big toe taking a dip. Maybe I am like my father,my brothers, my sister for we do not stay and any heart that dare to love us will surely break. For we do not seem to see when we have a good thing until it's too late. Refusal to submit my heart fully because I'm waiting for the break, for the punch that says "haha muthafuxker gotcha sucker you thought you had it good, you thought that you could love and be loved back". I feel so foolish for thinking I had it right, for feeling bubbly at every love song that played thinking that this is it, this is my forever, that everything will be ok just as soon as I get home to her. Maybe I was not made to love, maybe I'm just unlovable,maybe I was designed to be alone or maybe just maybe when the time is right we'll cross paths again and that irresponsible Cupid will take Aim and fire another shot connecting us once more maybe just maybe I'll be ready this time around and God will grace us with another chance.


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