tragic bittersweet final

I was told by my parents to study hard

They are proud

I am also proud

I am their princess

"You are our only hope" They say

I smiled for I know I am

Years past I was able to maintain the highest grades

They are proud

They are always bragging me to our relatives

Planning my future

And how good life is

But one night 

After the Preliminary examination wrapped

A friend invited me to her party

I didn't like it

but I cannot refuse it either

So I went to the party

Mom, Dad I saw a lot of unwilling souls

I saw young people taking their life inch by inch

Mom, Dad I want to go

I don't like it here

Day comes it was morning 

I woke up, And eveything changes

After that party

I became hooligan

Useless, doomed and unhappy

I became the person I hate

My grades dropped 

I dressed like a crooked

I smoke

I drink

I even tried marijuana

Mom and Dad was talking to me 

And I was just spaced out while they are talking

My Dad is shaking me and saying "Why're you like this?"

But all I did is none

My tears falls down

My Mom was crying

Dad was cyring also

I feel ashamed

While they ordered  me to go to my room

I went to my room and still hearing them cry

I kneeled for I don't know what to do

I'm crying, cyring like crazy

Just what I did??

I was hurting them

I went to my study table 

I took a clean paper and a ballpen

I wrote something for my parents

I wanted and planning to run away home

But instead I did this

I changed my clothes in a clothes I used to dress up

While crying a decision pop out of nowhere

I finished writing

I took a rope and put it in the ceiling

I also took a stall

I stand on the stall

And put the rope around my neck

I touched my heart for it was too painful

While holding the pictures of my parents I love so much

I was praying

"Please forgive me" is the only word I can say

I cried for the last time and looked at the picture

Mom, Dad I did it

I finally put my life in hanging

I can't breath

I can feel my heartbeat slowly vanish

I suddenly calm myself while I was hanging

I'm already at regrets please forgive me 

The last thing I can think of

How I wish they can read the letter I did for them

I smiled, even it was hard

And  a last of tears falls

My heart stopped

In the letter I told them ... 

"Mom, Dad I'm sorry I let you down and couldn't keep my promise to be your princess and your hope. I know I have changed, but I changed not because I wanted to, I don't want you to get hurt more than you are hurting right now because of my condition that's why I became a bum and a person with no hope.

Mom and Dad do you still remember what happened to my older sister? Mom, Dad she went to a party and got killed, You got frustrated and even went to a psychiatrist every other day because you got depressed, I even remember how you go to store just to buy a bottle of tequila and drown yourself in alcohol. But Mom, Dad I wasn't killed when I went to a party instead I KILLED SOMEONE..

Mom, Dad it was an accident, I was drunk and don't know what to do, I can't even remember doing something horrible, but they got proof, they have a video of me stabbing someone.

I didn't tell you because I don't want to be your old self again, I just can't, I'm sorry I went to that partyeven though I didn't want it. Be HAPPY always Mom and Dad. 

I want you to hug me first things first when you put me down and untie my neck on this rope,  Even though my body will be cold by that time, can you please kiss me on my cheek and forehead for me to know that you have forgiven me.

Tomorrow morning when you see me lying on my coffin please I don't want you to cry instead entertain our relatives, Sorry for I know that you won't be able to brag me anymore. Mom and Dad I will be able to meet my older sister and brag to her how I became number #1 at school and how much you've sacrificed for me and all the things you have doneto make me happy and satisfied. I'm sorry, thank you and I love you both...