The Masochist

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is truly the most painful poem I have written. I wrote this back in December of 2008, after my first boyfriend and I of 4 years broke up. I was merely 17 years of age. This is what I consider rock bottom, and I have not allowed myself to feel this way over someone else since.

Submitted: May 25, 2017

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Submitted: May 25, 2017



Ever since he left, my life has been a total mess,

I've cried and grieved for him but he could just care less.

Ever since I've been alone, I've been with other men,

but it's not the same; I'm missing him, I'll never love again.

I cannot say aloud his name nor that him I miss,

people just don't understand  and so I'm called the masochist.

Because despite of all the pain I still wish to fly back to his arms,

as pathetic as it sounds I am willing to forget every single harm.

I am conscious of how unhappy I used to be by his side,

but I cannot move on I feel worse without him and that I realized.

Perhaps I am a masochist for wishing to return,

eternal love I swore to him, he left his love immersed.

And now I feel so hollow, pleading to forget,

Why is he so shallow?

Why can't he regret?

I do not like pain or ignorance nor do I like tears,

it's very controversial because yet I'm wishing he was here.

This love is too delirious and complex to understand,

but I guess I am a masochist because I want that man.

"Time will heal your wounds"; I hear people say to me,

it doesn't change the fact that today with him I wish to be.

My obsession, my addiction are too intense and so I claim him as my "meth",

therefore I know that running back to him will trigger my bitter and sweet death.

So many years with him and too many promises on hold,

so much love and aggravation penetrated this poor soul.

Sad and pitiful I know I am for sure,

and he is tender but yet ruthless and also immature.

But I'm care-free and truly blind because I rather take the risk,

of being with him, though very hurt and be the masochist.


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