my autobiography

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my autobiography is basically about how i got bullied and just wanted to let people know that you don't have to do this to yourself.

Submitted: May 27, 2017

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Submitted: May 27, 2017



My autobiography


Life is so unexpected. We have our child years and then our old years. You can narrow this down more but I’m just doing this hypothetically. It all passes so fast. Personally, there are only segments of what I remember when I was really young. Now I’m at the age of being a young adult, I’m 16 still at school and I have no job. I don’t really want a job but I know I’m going to have to get one to be able to look after myself financially. How has life been for you? Do you remember anything about your childhood? Do you have many good and/or bad memories that you remember about any part of your life? That’s okay if you don’t or even if you do. We all have a life. A great life for that matter! You may think life isn’t treating you fairly, or that you don’t want to live anymore because someone has bullied you either physically or over the internet. (what keyboard warriors! Do you feel proud of yourself? Making others feel bad. For what? To ease your hurt and sorrow on to someone else?) I was like you once! I thought that if I took my own life I could stop the pain and hurt that was forced onto me by others because they couldn’t handle it themselves. I thought by taking my own life everything would stop. I wouldn’t feel pain. Well yes, you’re right. You won’t feel pain. Well for that matter you won’t feel anything because your dead. But instead of you feeling the pain and hurt, you transfer it to others. To your friends, to your loved ones. Even to those bullies that thought they finally got rid of the hurt. No, you gave it back to them and everyone else that you may have encountered with. People you may have walked passed on the street, the cash register lady who tries to look happy even though she doesn’t like her job. Maybe even that teacher that you absolutely don’t like because they don’t know what you’re going through, so they give you extra homework because you didn’t finish it in class. You may think no one cares for you but believe me, when I say that they do! They absolutely do! So, when you’re thinking negative thoughts over a stupid yet hurtful comment some lowlife loser has said towards you, to get that off your mind think about the positive things in life. The good things you have done with friends or relatives. The memories from when you were a child. Maybe even that really attractive stranger you see walk past your house every morning so he/she can catch their bus in time to not be late for work. All I say is that, never agree with what the bullies say to you. Because even if they are right. They are wrong in so many more ways. Just remember that you only live once, so make the best of it while you can. You will regret it if you think negatively instead of positively. Your life is worth the hateful comments that are thrown towards you every day while walking through the corridors at school. So, don’t think you are worthless. Don’t think that no one cares for you. Don’t think that you and everyone else would be better off if you weren’t there. Just think about the good times and experiences you can prepare yourself for in the future. We all love you!!!


Now for my story!


When I was in primary school. Year 5 to be exact. I had my group of friends and you had yours. My group of friends were pointed out as the weird kids. We weren’t weird we were just different. We liked the same things that you liked. But we were pointed out as the weird kids. Why you may ask? Well I’m going to explain that with a bit about my life story.

Is there just sometimes in class that you want to speak out and say the answer to a question that has been asked by the teacher? But you think that you may be wrong and everyone will laugh at you. So you will be humiliated. Well this feeling is what I felt for the whole time I was in primary school, and up until now. But it wasn’t just for thinking I would be humiliated. It was the feeling I would get with just being around people that weren’t in my group, or just anything in life. I’m in year 11 at the moment. I still have this feeling. The feeling where it feels like everyone is staring at me. The feeling where I don’t know if I belong, even in my own group. It doesn’t go away. This feeling. It stays there to haunt me. This is how I think it all started. With the bullies. The horrible comments. The way people looked and thought about me. This is why I’m self-conscious. This is why I am shy. This is why I’m not very social.

And it all started in year 5. This new girl arrived. A girl that I’m not going to expose. I thought that she looked nice and that maybe I could get her into my group before the bitch/popular group took her in and filled her head with crap. But little did I know what was in store for me. This new girl who I’m going to call Jessica. She knew a couple of the girls and boys in the popular group. So I was screwed. One more bitch to hate me. She didn’t know me but she still hated me. why? I don’t know. I never had any idea on to why she didn’t like me. I had a feeling that she just wanted to fit in and feel liked she belonged in that group. So she joined in on what her group thought was fun. Being a complete bitch towards me. There was one thing I remember with what Jessica and a boy, let’s just call him Dan. It was like 1 month before we graduated year 6 and had our formal. In class one day, I volunteered to hand out the work sheets to each table. Silly me, what was I thinking? I got to their table and the first thing I recall hearing was Dan calling my name.  I looked at him and he said, ‘Cari do you want to go to the formal with me?’. Stupid me. I forgot to mention that I sort of had a kid crush on him so I had a huge smile on my face. I answered ‘umm’. Dan and Jessica were laughing hysterically at me, I can’t forget to say that so did that whole table. Dan said, ‘it was a joke, why would I want to go with you?’. After handing the sheets to his desk, I went on to the other desk and then the other desk until I finished handing them out. I sat back down, every time I heard a snicker I looked up and Dan, Jessica and one other friend were laughing quietly. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to act. So I just sat there doing my work. This went on since I went into year 7.

Good riddance I thought. I’m free of them. Not one of those people went to my high school. I was happy. I was really happy. I was overjoyed with excitement, until there was a new group of Dan’s and Jessica’s. What do I do? I thought. It’s going to start all over again. There was a whole group of boys, but there were only 3 main boys. (I don’t care about exposing these boys because they were cruel, cruel enough that they all ganged up on me calling me horrid names) These four boys were Harrison, Jayden, Blake L. Honestly, I have no recollection on how this started. But I do remember what the boys said, did and acted towards me. I will start with the boys. In year 7 I was 12, I think. I was only young but I was tall. Taller than others. Harrison was very short, as well as some of his friends. I don’t remember every single thing that they did towards me but I will let you in on what I do recall. Maths class. Yay. Who doesn’t love maths class where you get tiny pieces of rubber thrown at you? Well that’s what happened to me. I don’t know why they only chose me to peg rubbers at but they did. I was doing my work because I have always completed all, well most of my work. The next thing I know is that I have a miniature rubber thrown at me. it landed on my desk. I looked up and no one looked suss. I went back to doing my work when another one came flying towards me, I’m surprised it didn’t catch fire. I looked up and I saw Harrison looking really suss, so I kept my eye on him. He did it again so I complained to the teacher and all he did was go over to Harry and tell him to stop. Obviously, boys being boys, he didn’t stop. Harrison obviously wanted to be rebellious and stupid so he kept doing it. It got to the point where I just got really fed up and annoyed. When I looked up to tell Sir again, the rubber that was chucked by a stupid boy, hit me on the forehead. So I stood up mad as, well anyone would be if they got annoyed at something, and I walked to the door nearly in tears. Sir was standing at the door talking to someone outside, when he popped his head back in the classroom. I asked him to move, when he didn’t I demanded that he moved. He asked why and the only thing that came out of my mouth was ‘I need some air’. Harrison and his clan of stupid immature little boys were laughing, even when I came back in they were snickering. This happened nearly every single maths class. Then the day came were Harrison wasn’t at school and I heard the chatter that he was moving schools and house. This is when I was happy. When I was extremely happy that I wouldn’t have to put up with him ever again. That I thought the bulling would stop. But did it? No. It was continued by his mates. I couldn’t wait! Now its Jayden’s turn. Now this is what hurt me the most. This is the time where I was crushed. Where I actually did something that I thought would stop the pain. This is when I started to physically hurt myself.

I kept to myself. I minded my own business. Never said anything back to the boys until I got into year 9 but that’s a different story. The only thing I did was told the deputy principal. Only because I was ensured that it would stop. The name calling would stop. The hurtful comments about my physical appearance would stop. But it didn’t. The deputy lied. He lied to my face saying it would be over. Saying he would talk to the boy’s parents. But did he? Maybe I don’t know. But even if he did, it didn’t stop them from continuing. Walking to classes and even in recess/lunch brakes, I would get teased about my weight. About how ugly I am. About how my eyebrows were really bushy. About anything that they thought their friends would laugh at. But did I laugh? Did you see me laughing? Did you see mature people laughing? No because it wasn’t funny! It never is funny to criticize someone about their physical appearance! I hope you know that now. Every time I walk past you and your mates, I always get a crushing feeling inside me, ready to crush anything that was stupid enough to think you would not call me names. To think you wouldn’t think of me as a whale. But like always, it got crushed. Little bits of newly growing humanity would be crushed the second it sprouts. But you wouldn’t know that. Would you? Because you saw nothing wrong with it. You thought it was fun. You thought it was a game. You thought it was the only way to make you look more superior than your friends. I walked past him once. On my way to the library. You know what he said? He walked past and called out ‘you’re a fat, ugly bitch’. Yes that hurt. It hurt a lot. You know why? Have you ever been called fat or worthless or ugly? Well if you haven’t then I will explain to you what it felt like for me every time he called me that. My heart would always beat really fast when I was caught walking the same direction as you. My heart was lame. It was weak. It couldn’t take any hurt or it would stop beating and I would die. It would let me die. And do you know what happened every time I was near you? It beated faster and faster until you said a horrid name, and then it would stop. It would just stop. It did exactly what it felt like if it just stopped beating. It felt like I was dying. It hurt so much. Every day that I got called a name, I couldn’t wait until I got home. I would get my razor out and I would pull up my shorts, so it was bearing my upper thigh. And do you know what I did with the razor? I put it against my skin, and dragged it from one end to the other. It felt so good because it felt like every slice I made, it was letting out an inch of hurt. Instead of it hurting like it should, it felt amazing. I was finally being able to let the pain out by harming myself. But I never cut to deep. I was always waiting for one specific time when everything fell apart. When all hope inside me gave up. When I didn’t feel like I need to stay on earth anymore. This was the day that never arrived. When I go into year 9, I was still getting teased by the same boys. With the same hurtful words that started in year 7. You would probably think that I would get used to it. Being called the same names every day for 2 and a bit years. Well your right. I got used to it. It just came to the day where I was just completely fed up with those three words. UGLY, FAT BITCH. So in one period when I heard those words, I lost it. I yelled at the top of my lungs saying, ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP’. Everyone stopped and looked at me like I was psycho. Like I was mental or something. I guess you can say I was a bit crazy. I got taken down to the deputies. We had a talk. This is when I told them everything. About how for the past 2 years, I have been getting called ugly, fat bitch nearly every single day. About how since being called that from day one, I told you and you did nothing. About absolutely everything that was said about my physical appearance. I said everything. Everything until I had nothing left to say. The boys got into trouble, but for me. I still harmed myself. I had a scar on my thigh saying, ‘fat bitch’. I have faded scars on my forearm and on my thigh. I’m in year 11 now, I haven’t been bullied since year 9. My life is going all right. A lot better now than it was then. 


That’s my bullied life. I got through it and I hope you get through yours. We all love you.

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