Print Shop - Only in America

Print Shop - Only in America

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Houses:

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Houses:

Summary

A comedy about a 20-year-old college student named Jim who gets a new summer job at the local print shop.
He has no clue what's in "store" for him.

If people like it I'll post a continuation.
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Summary

A comedy about a 20-year-old college student named Jim who gets a new summer job at the local print shop.
He has no clue what's in "store" for him.

If people like it I'll post a continuation.

Content

Submitted: May 30, 2017

A A A | A A A

Content

Submitted: May 30, 2017

A A A

A A A


Cast-

Jim: Extremely naïve twenty year old college student, the baby of the shop. Very contrarian

Gary: Short, bald, middle-aged manager of the shop who nearly everyone loves to hate due to being a lazy ass.

Samuel: Tall, larger, bearded man in his late 30s with an intimidating presence. Second in command after Gary. Definitely the no-nonsense type

Ethan: Also young, just a few years older than Jim but far wiser.

Lorne: Druggie on probation with major anger issues. Early thirties

Thomas: Short, chubby middle-aged Filipino who happens to be gay. Similar to Gary in that he’s also lazy and disliked. 

Roger: Semi-retired owner of the shop, values loyalty above all else and is generally respected by employees

 

(Opening Scene: Manager Gary interviewing candidate Jim)

 

Gary: (sitting alone at computer in his office, scrolling through Facebook, watching cat videos and laughing maniacally. Knock at door. Yells, startled) Yeah?? Could you come at a worse time?!

Jim: (opens door) The interview is set to start now, sir.

G: (starts to get up) Of course. Here, I’ll give you a tour.

J: (sits down) Aren’t you going to interview me first?

G: Ah yes. (Sits down again. Looks Jim in the eye for a moment, then holds up 2 fingers and presses them close to Jim’s face) How many fingers?

J: (pushes fingers away uncomfortably) Two.

G: What’s worse, Battlefield Earth II or Trump Hair?

J: There was no Battlefield Earth II.

G: Bzzzing!! (stomps on ground, bangs on desk with hands) WRONG!! The answer is always Trump hair. You’re a college boy - you should know that. (pauses) Ok, get 2 out of 3 right and you’re in. One second…(presses some buttons on computer, sound of a drumroll comes up)

J: Sir-

G: Gary.

J: Gary, how much will I get paid on this job?

G: You haven’t even finished the interview and you’re already asking about pay. Boy, I like your style. (mutters to himself) Though I’d hire ya’ regardless, you’re the first applicant in ages who isn’t out on parole for killing his own-

J: What?

G: Oh, nothing. Let’s start the tour, shall we? Shop’s empty now but you’ll get the idea.

(The pair leave the office. G shows him the machines, paper, etc.)

G: This here is a printing shop. We’re far removed from our glory days thanks to digitimization but…(curses under his breath) All right, see what we do here?

J: Yeah, you guys make machines out of paper.

(Long Pause)

G: (cringing) All right, see you first thing Monday morning.

 

(Monday morning: Jim walks into shop, sees big, burly guy with beard)

 

Sam: (eyes him up and down) Name’s Samuel. I’ll be your supervisor. The other guys’ll be coming in here shortly.(motions to whirring machines) Here, we copy, scan and print. Got it?

J: So where do I fit in?

S: You bring the paper rolls to the machine. It has to go in just right. Do it wrong and the machine jams or explodes or something to that effect.

J: You mean you don’t know what exactly happens?

S: It hasn’t happened before.

J: What if it happens with me?

S: Use your imagination. 

J: Ok. What else should I be doing around here?

S: Listen, we both know you’re only getting this job because the manager’s a lazy bum who recruits people to do his own dirty work. We don’t really need another person. But hey! How fast are you?

J: Pretty darn fast.

S: Good. You drive, right?

J: I do!

G: No, no! (Manager Gary hurries from his office, holding a box of some sort and looking chipper)

I have much more pressing work for Jim today.

(hands Jim the box, which upon closer inspection is full of hundreds of pens)

J: What are these for?

S: Gary, we need him delivering! Got three high priority pickups this morning too –

G: Sam, listen. This is urgent. (looks at Jim, nods and smiles)You know what to do. (returns to his office)

J: (looks at Sam) What do I do?

S: Isn’t it obvious? Here. (grabs pen, writes furiously. Nothing comes out. Throws pen in garbage.) You get the idea.

J: You want me to check all 300 something of these pens?

S: What’d you think you were signing up for, ballet lessons? Get to work. If you finish before lunch break we can send you on the road.

(Three men walk in.)

S: Why if it isn’t Lorne, Thomas and Ethan. Say hello to Jim. Gary’s really getting better at picking ‘em for us, huh? First recruit in years without one of those teardrop tattoos.

Lorne: Oh, I was just thinking of getting that.

(silence)

L: (uncomfortable) It’s just a thought that’s all!

Ethan: We didn’t really need another person, but welcome aboard regardless.

Thomas: Hi there Jim.

J: Hello, folks.

S: All right, break it up! You can all kiss at lunch, or when business is slow.

 

(Lunch. S, J, E, L, and T sit down at the table and munch.)

E: Jim, I take it you’ve seen Gary’s picture with the president?

L: Former.

J: What? I was in his office once and didn’t notice.

S: (snorts) Gary’s got a picture of himself with Obama. Of course, it’s not real. Just copied and pasted an image of the then-prez’s face onto an actual image of himself, Gary.

E: Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

(All except J laugh.)

J: I don’t think it’s pathetic. He looked up to him, that’s all.

L: I look up to my pa, yet you don’t see me editing images to show him slaying cops or some shit.

T: Or me with delicious food from my country the Philippines! Onto your unconscious naked body, college boy! Heehee.

J: Look, we should be easier on Gary. I’m sure he’s working hard in there. (All look toward Gary’s closed office)

S: (mutters) Roger, the owner of this place, only keeps ‘im out of loyalty as far as I know. Gary’s been here for years but does nothing now. He just sits on his computer all day, browses social media and makes pointless phone calls.

J: There’s nothing wrong with that! Look, someone has to branch out here. I see him as the social media bridge builder.

S: (eyes Jim suspiciously) You just got here and you’re already defending the guy we all love to hate. You know what that means kid?

J: (ignores him) You know, the pen thing-

E: Massive waste of employee resources right there-

J: You yourself said I’m not needed here anyway. Besides, after a while it became clear to me how important pen checking is. We need someone with that kind of innovation. You can even call him-

L: (getting enraged) I call you Jim McBull! Gary’s a lousy manager, he never helps around the shop, just sits on his ass and plays Words With Friends!

J: Pen Quality Control Manager/Engineer. Speaking of Words With Friends, that could be a technique he utilizes to improve his vocabulary and wordsmithing. How else is he supposed to wow customers over the phone?

T: You teach me Jim McBull how to say bullshit as good as you, I teach all sorts of things. (Licks lips)

S: Break’s over! Jim, like it or not you’re delivering now. Lorne’ll have a heart attack if this keeps up. Sheesh!

 

 

 


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