Past midnight thoughts: Sanity

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
when you think you are loosing grip of reality, of who you are, and why you are here

Submitted: May 30, 2017

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Submitted: May 30, 2017



Day 1: 

It’s getting heavier and heavier … I wake up every day, knowing what I’m about to do, know where I will take myself, knowing that it’s not my destination but yet I keep going and I get out of bed. I’m postponing a dream in order to live the reality but I’m not even living reality, I’m stuck with in it, locked in a system, aware of its wrong doings yet I keep going and I keep quiet.

Day 2:

Sometimes I fail to understand my thinking and instincts,

How come my soul is so cold when it should be boiling and spitting fire?

Why would I cry when I have already gotten used to it and I have taken the decision?

I find my nature extremely contradicting that’s its driving me crazy

I tend to doubt my sanity but I’m wide awake and aware

Make your dreams realistic

Don’t set your dreams too high

Don’t cross the line

Then how am I supposed to dream?

Dream are just wishes, they are not meant to come true

Then why do we strive and try

But then again, I’m missing, time isn’t waiting on me

The thin threads of my sunshine are slipping through my fingers…

Day 10: 

I wish it was night time… I wish it was a full moon. I wish it was cloudy, dark, calm, cold… I wish it was one of those nights…those which their darkens can swallow me up , envelope me and shelter my soul, I wish it was one of those hat could hide my deception and sadness, I wish it was midnight , I wish it was so dark it could keep my demons away , they won’t find me when I disappear into the darkness I wish it was one of those where everyone was trying to chase their demons away

Day xx :

I think I have developed a new disease called eternally-inter-sad syndrome in which you are permanently sad and unsatisfied. You fail to connect to the reality and seem distant of it. You create scenarios and lives within your imagination and watching them collapse when they reach reality is quiet painful. You laugh, you smile, you seem to enjoy life but deep down, the wound is there. You just pretend it’s not. It reaches the point where you forget what you actually like, enjoy and dream of. It’s all locked way back in your memory. Maybe a picture or a word would release the tiniest memory of it but it will remain far.
You have turned minimal even in your dreams or are they even still there? You have turned in that black hole dreamers and motivators tell others to stay away from. You are an aimless soul. Those words have a way heavier impact when you are actually one. When you are the disease. You are the real zombie. Pain. How come they only found cure to physical one? What about the one that feeds on your sanity?

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