Suicide

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 01, 2017

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Submitted: June 01, 2017

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Suicide note

 
I remember when I was only a child I would dream of a life with my love my children my cars and my house all big and wild 
I used to dream about a small red house with the white fence in front 
Those were some days days that I didn't have to confront 
and nothing that didn't tell me I was a fucked up runt. I see a vision and a mission but with no provision only a legion of problems 
I'm crying in my room but I keep it top secret and I joke about it but inside I'm begging for someone to believe me 
I didn't want things to be this way 
but nothing makes sense and the world seems so astray 
You got society doing shit that doesn't make sense but tell me one thing and help me comprehend 
I don't want to be a part of this being tormented by problems day after day and  forgetting about my problems as soon as I find the pathway and another person that tells me everything will be ok
Or at least make you believe that but finding out you'll be a dad and never getting the right to feel that just because they get stuck in the rewind and don't want to walk forward because they don't want to leave what was behind 
call me old fashion but I'm trying to get some traction but is it even worth it if they just keep getting away faster 
Tell me something I don't know do you call it weakness because I want to go below 
it isn't weakness because weakness are lies and what I'm saying is the truth of how i feel inside and yes I know I'll be missed but will forget about me tomorrow and the day they walk out 
I feel like my soul has already left my body and wonder when my body drops if they will feel sorry 
sorry? I have herd that word being said but never meant only being said to get away from the debt that they always regret 
Oh god....dear father I wonder if you can hear me or do I seem farther father? Dad? Were are you when I needed you the most  now that you're  gone I'm feeling at my worst because I'm going to be a dad but feel like I'm in my hearse 
fuck you for leaving me I swore I would never be the same way that you are to me but faith has a way to feel pity for me 
Tell hello I said goodbye and tell goodbye I said hello 
it is my love I miss the most whenever I'm in the hurt I can't stand the pain no more so I'll just take these pills only a couple more to go 
As I watch this cigarette burn 
I watch my life turn to ashes and ashes and I tell myself is it now my turn?
It looks like I got myself quite a dilema so what is the proper thing to do 
Should I call it quits and end this misery or keep going and see what shit hole I will be?  
I know I'm hurting myself by thinking this way but what else is a guy supposed to do if he can't find a way 
Softer than a cats meow but harder than the worst foul 
trapped in a world of what it was to how it is now
I learned to use my poem like an uzi 
Instead of loading it with bullets I'll use words and that's how I'll be pulling it 
It's quite a conundrum were I come from  but nobody nows my problems or my world because once they take a peek or get to hear people start talking and be like damn that's dumb 
So I'll keep everything to myself not even my shadow nows me well to say I know him he ascended from hell
It's arduous to live in a world that isn't yours
And quite quarrelsome to get anybody else to believe but it's my world and I'll do whatever I want on my own


© Copyright 2017 Y05h1. All rights reserved.

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