The Silenced

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
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A Young life was stripped away due to undeniable circumstances. Kristi tells her tales of horrors through a sequence of journal entries she started writing at the age of 7, and what it was like living in the "Foster System."

Submitted: June 01, 2017

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Submitted: June 01, 2017

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Dear Diary, the memory of my mother was so vague...I could not quite describe the detached emotions one should feel. After all, how could a little person, like myself comprehend the difference between concrete and tangible things? Nevertheless, here I was alone searching for the truth that I so desperately needed. Where was I going? Why was I being forced to sit next to a stranger? The plane was about to depart and soon my mother would be completely nonexistent.

They say "pictures are worth a thousand words" such pictures were only embedded into my memories, perhaps even in my dreams. My father was my only connection to the world and how it was perceived. As far as I was concerned...there was nothing to fear because my dad would protect me. Well, at least this was the false impression of him; I clanged onto for several years.

The turbulent's were intense now as I quietly sat in my designated area on the plane. I remember  how content and uncertain I felt, not knowing what awaited me in this strange new place. Tears fell from my face, and I felt a queasy feeling inside the pit of my stomach. My father was nowhere in sight. I waited anxiously for his return, but several hours went by, and still nobody answered my cries.

(Thinking) I feel "nostalgic" (laughs) the early stages of life are so easy you would think... People don't seem so scary, because they are supposed to be portrayed as the characters in books and movies right? Well, of course at a young age nothing is questionable until you have your innocence stripped out from in front of you. I soon had to discover my own survival mechanisms and my life was just beginning. Let's just mention that darkness had found me by the time I reached 5 years old.

Awhile later; we had finally landed and the winds were bitterly harsh. I was shivering uncontrollably and quickly escorted into a vehicle. I don't recall much that had happened that day...all I knew is that everything I once loved was taken. My father was an awkwardly humorous type. He easily adapted to his surroundings unlike me. I suppose he was used to running from the law, as it was an ongoing occurrence. Unfortunately, my life would forever change once I realized my own father had abducted me.

Indeed in my mind, life was grand...nothing could tear me and my father apart. We took strolls together, fished, visited the zoo, and he bribed me with toys in order to keep me happy. I even got to spend a whole summer with my Aunt's in Disney Land. Again, very faint memories, but they were the few good memories I held onto. I never even thought twice about the reason's why my father had abducted me...Perhaps another time I would find the answers.

The summer of 1994 was almost over, and I was having a blast being a normal kid. Disney land was magical and I got to embrace the excitement of meeting Mickey Mouse in person. I guess I considered myself lucky...the fact I even got to experience such a place. (Laughs) "It's a small world after all" All time favorite song at the time. I was fascinated by the iridescent lights, the harmonic melody and the figures dancing so delicately in alignment. It was soothing to a small person like me at the time. What kid, wouldn't be intrigued?

My Aunt's were very generous people...I felt like they pitied me in a sense; due to the fact my father was a nut case and was banned from every city he lived in... at least in the state of California. Of course, I tended to be a smart Alec most of the time, and pretended not to ease drop on their nightly conversations. Most kids are usually sly especially when it comes to the term M-A-N-I-P-U-L-A-T-I-O-N (Laughs). Then again, I was the complete opposite. I was considered the "Angel Child". Always polite, even-tempered, and easily ashamed over simple accidents.

Before my father had taken me away the winter of 1993; he had been smitten with a lady named Susan. She was kind, outspoken, and had a son a little over a year younger than me. He was a trouble maker to say the least...always pulling on my ears, throwing his toy trucks at me, blaming me for incidences that were not my fault. Yes, Michael was a spoiled brat that always got his way regardless. My father assumed Susan was abusing me...so he had once again packed our things and we left without saying goodbye.

So, that is how I ended up spending a summer in Disneyland with my so-called "wealthy" relatives. I realized if I feared something, it had to be anything that was fast and went upside down. Yup, rollercoaster's were not my friend...I flinched at the sight of them. My aunt's encouraged me to try at least once...ugh nope it wasn't gonna happen. I had made up my mind, and if the contraption was gonna cause me nausea...no thanks. After several attempts of trying to convince me, my aunt's surrendered the argument. It was my last night before a long trip back to South Dakota to see my father once again. We had eaten a hearty dinner and then it was off to bed.

The trip this time around, was surprisingly quick. I was so exhausted, that as I recall...I literally had slept the entire 8 hours on the plane. I felt at ease, knowing me and my father would be reunited. Meanwhile, as the plane landed; something seemed odd and very different about my father. He had a slight grin on his face, his hair was jet black as usual, curled in tight ringlets, but he appeared rather giddy. His mood seemed calm but I felt a bit timid at the same time. We got into his van and drove off back to the dump we called home. He sang obnoxiously "So many nights, I sit by my window...waiting for someone to sing me their song..." He sang often with determination. I still sometimes hear him sing in my dreams.

He asked me how my summer went, and all the things that I did. We discussed Disney Land and he smiled lightly at me. As we approached the trailer park, there was another car parked near by. I was confused and snarled at my dad... as I knew he was keeping something from me. He began to explain to me that he met a "Nice" women while I was away. He then caught me off guard...when he mentioned... NEW MOM! I just gave him the cold shoulder...and walked swiftly to my room and slammed the door. "Why me? I cried, this would be my 3rd "mother figure". I barely just turned 5 years old what was a kid to do? How was I supposed to process my own feelings?

My dad planned to marry this stranger...I never got a chance to get to know her. I was expected to call her MOM? (Sighs). My father yelled at me to come out of my room and be a big girl. Well, I certainly didn't want the belt treatment so I cooperated accordingly. The women sourly smiled at me and pinched my cheeks. "She is small" The women replied. My father did not mention my age apparently (Laughs).  She didn't seem happy to meet me, and little did I know ...that my young life would begin to welt up like a flower bud. This women had no other intentions but to make my life a living hell.

Well, good night for now Diary.

 

 


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