I Cry Alone!

I Cry Alone!

Status: In Progress

Genre: Horror

Houses:

Details

Status: In Progress

Genre: Horror

Houses:

Summary


Chapter One
*Dueling banjos?! Listening from inside my window Deliverance famous for the Dueling banjos otherwise known as "The Feudin Banjos" in the movie "Deliverance" is playing on television. It's loud echoing throughout the cells. Everything echoes in prisons and jails. I hate that movie it's gross, but true. I love banjo playing always have. Wish they didn't put it in such a sick movie.
"The Feudin Banjos" was composed the year I was born, 1955. Arthur Smith first recorded it playing a four string banjo accompanied by Don Reno on a five string banjo. In 1963 it was first aired on the Andy Griffith show it was called; "Briscoe Declares for Aunt Bee." I remember them as the "Darling Family." Which was played by a Bluegrass group, "The Dillards."
City Folk coming into the mountains making fun of us Hillbillies. Genetic deficiencies, incest is true. Fucking animals is true too, but your not going to make out of the mountains. If you do your never the same. Hillbillies can clean their stupid asses like they do all animals. Skin them, quarter them out and barbeque them after they fuck the hell out of them.
It's also true Hillbillies are partial to pig squealing. Yes we are born of incest, but that is not for anyone, but God to judge. Most Hillbillies can play any instrument you put in their hands by nature without any lessons. Most Hillbillies carry a guitar or banjos everywhere.
I'll admit Hillbillies do fuck anything with a hole men, women, children or animals, but so do city men, preachers, men in suits or regular clothes. I know this to be a fact because I grew up with this sick shit. Not all Hillbillies are overall wearing banjo pickers. Many have city jeans, white shirts and claim to be preachers.
We lived in the mountains think about it we don't have much of what city people would call clothes. We wrapped or tied anything we could find around our naked asses. Potato sacks work good. That movie triggers sick disturbing sad thoughts memories from the back woods hills mountains of Kentucky.
Hillbillies have huge families all blood kin in hollers, backwoods mountain people. The music and song was used in "Deliverance" without Smith's permission which resulted in a successful lawsuit. Billy Reddin who was depicting the mentally challenged inbred could not actually play the banjo.
Most real Hillbillies can. Mike Addis was actually the hands on the neck of the banjo. Those city folk got what they deserved coming into the mountains making fun of Hillbillies. These scenes were depicted to be the mountains of the Appalachians, but it's the same in all backwoods mountains. Especially Kentucky.
But, we can't fight the system the CO's rule the TVs and the majority rules. So we can't say what we can and can't watch I'll have to listen to the Feudin banjos for awhile. Not so bad where I'm at. I've been in a ton of jails trust me I know I've got it good in here.
In the Appalachia mountains incest was reality common as clear mountain water moonshine, mountain brewed beer and whiskey, double barrels, chicken fights and good ole' homegrown green. It was many years before I saw modern conveniences such as out houses. Later they started putting doors on them. No one could watch our naked asses taking a shit anymore!
Then we got doors on our houses, but we still slept with our dogs. I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana in the heart of it all. Original Indy 500 was only a few miles. Off and on we lived in the city, but dad wanted us out in the sticks. I spent most my years in Kentucky growing up in the mountains with sick ass perverted Hillbilly kin folk.
I never knew at that age being pawned off on Uncles Aunts grandma and cousins was because mom and dad never wanted girls they were getting rid of us basically giving all our cousins and uncles little girl's pussy. I don't candy coat nothing! Guess I never really wander why none of the boys got to stay at kin folks houses in the mountains.
If I told on brothers, cousins and uncles for putting their hands in my panties playing with my pussy or pushing me against cabin walls and trees. Chasing me trying to constantly rape me or threatening me I would take the blame. Even at that age it felt wrong what sick puppies.
I was always horrified, but somehow someone always caught us then I have to take the blame because dad says, "Mom, my sisters and me entice men we are whores." Explain to a nine year old what a whore is. Any child would be terrified and traumatized. How do you fight against men taking sex from us when everyone always took their word over mine?
Dad would say, "She's a whore entices men." It was devastating when they backed me into trees or corner me in cabins or on long trips and try whatever they wanted. When I came forth and told I was no longer wanted by my aunts, cousins or uncles.
No longer could I escape the fury and abuse of my dad with their horrible screaming and fighting over nonsense by getting away to relatives which wasn't any better of a situation. Dad always thought mom was cheating on him. She was. I've some stories thoughts and input on that myself. Mom sent notes by me to neighbor men.
I don't blame her dad was a piece of shit. Throughout childhood relatives and neighbors came to try to rape us while dad was away. Mom was always trying to get away from dad, but he was obsessed with mom. My dad was a Pentecost oneness preacher. I'm branded as a preacher's daughter for life. Dad was also a volunteer medic with the fire department.
He worked three days on and three days off. Dad also ran a business which was an excellent business called Dependable Fire Extinguisher & Equipment Company. I was tiny, but could hold my own working with dad on his business or whatever he was working on or building. This was all later when we moved into civilization.
Uncles, cousins and older brothers were raping us. If we told the situation would be worse. Dad would blame us for being females natural born whores. Stories you hear about incest abuse and the like in childhood or even adulthood are different scars in all aspects emotionally physically financially and psychologically for life. Our pussies AND minds were screwed.
I looked forward to times when I get dumped on my aunts uncles grandma and grandpa even it was a chance of getting raped because I always ran away into the mountains and wrote in the dirt. I loved sitting in the mountains for hours looking at wildlife enjoying peace and quiet except for the awesome noisy animals.
I wrote about everything that was happening to me. If I wrote about it I felt I would never forget it, but it would just all go away if I just stayed right there in that mountain and wrote about what uncles cousins even my brothers had done to my mom, my baby sister Darlene and me. Everyone back then had huge families.
Women were always pregnant around the same time it was common. Big families many sisters brothers aunts uncles and cousins. Women had 11-18 children. Our grandmothers, grandfathers, moms, dads, cousins, uncles and aunts were relatives, blood kin before they were marrying, fucking and sucking within family with their gross incest.
The women were always pregnant at the same time or near. Told you incest was alive in the mountains. Men hillbillies fucked everybody like animals they fucked animals too. Mom and dad's screaming and arguing are common ground in abusive backgrounds I want it to be different better for any kids I have.
Most arguments according to dad were mom's fault they had three whore daughters never to amount to anything except drugs alcohol and men. Turns out he was pretty much right so be it. Dad always had that fear of mom leaving him for another man and she would.
How could dad, a Pentecost oneness preacher who was once the well known Winchester local drunk and drug addict on the streets have the right to condemn and judge little girls who had no idea what was happening? Horrible nightmares of our entire lives. As far back as could I remember all that I went through were my first proverbial straws of life.
My proverbial camel's back will be loaded down with proverbial straws for many years I hope proverbial straw prices don't go too high like all else. Incest and abuse was not the hardest for me most times I was rescued escaped interrupted or got away before something worse happened.
Hardest for me was my baby sister, Darlene whispering in my ears telling me she's sick. I was the only person she could trust even if I did make her sleep in the closet because she snored really loud, but God got even with me for that a few years later. She would fall to the floor shake tremble violently. Her body jumping twitching swallowing her tongue.
Dad always beat her till her bowels and bladder gave way all over her and the floor. I was hiding around corners watching trembling scared crying not able to help for fear I would be beat too. Wish someone had whipped dad's ass back then. Harder for her than me when I was hiding on the stairs of our basement hardly breathing for fear they would hear me.
I was watching my older brothers rape Darlene taking turns not understanding fully what they were doing to her till later in life. The thing I did understood was afterwards she would need me to hold her lie to her tell her everything would get better it would someday be over while cleaning up blood and semen covering her.
They tried many times to trade me school supplies and many other tactics over the years to have sex with them. There should be a law all male hillbillies should have their dick and balls cut off. Perverted city men too what the hell. Men you should not let all this offend you if your not a rapist pervert and don't do incest your excused.
Dad always bought everyone else school supplies clothes and shoes, but told me I had to work and earn whatever I get in life. Okay I will ass hole. I never saw Darlene again I thought maybe when we're older we could hunt for each other. Dad accused her of being a whore tramp saying, "We entice the boys."
Darlene was always pretending to be sick dad said. She was epileptic and diabetic this was what the seizures were. Dad committed her to some kind of place for people not in their right minds. How could she ever be in her right mind? I missed her and didn't know where she disappeared to. My oldest sister had gone through all this and gone on to prison many times.
Been married a number of times and went with other women's husbands. She escaped four times from prison climbing into my bedroom window scaring me to death hiding in my closet long as she could. I don't remember her ever living at mom and dad's house which should have been our home. I never considered anyplace mine.
I remember she was kind of crazy overly jealous of her husbands or boyfriends. She always thought I was looking at one of them. She came at me with a knife one time thinking I was looking at her man. I threw the mop bucket at her full of dirty water kicked her in the stomach then ran out the back door. I got on my old bike rode to a preacher friend of dad's.
I was dating his son though I didn't know what dating was. His son protected me if he could. His sister was my best friend Eva she later married one of my older brothers John. John after dad's death overdosed. He was raping my little sister my little girl-friends and tried me many times. I didn't EVER give a damn what happened to him nor my dad.
I was pregnant for the first time hitchhiking through Indian this same preacher man became a cab driver tried to rape me. I was sick on the streets homeless starving dirty a hurting tired. Giving out pussy to an old bald fat wannabe preacher was the last thing on my mind. His son wasn't like that.
Neither was his daughter, Eva who was gorgeous with long straight brown hair. She was a faithful friend. She married my brother, Johnny Rae. My sister Carolyn was like mom she could sing play the accordion any instrument without lessons. She was beautiful to me what I can remember of her. Her body was always covered with cigarette burns and prison tattoos.
I never knew or realized till it happened for many years I would later follow in dad's footsteps for many years be the new well known street bound Winchester drug addict and alcoholic with an added street whore reputation. Mom tried to escape dad many times only putting eleven kids in danger.
An example is when dad was driving towards a cliff trying to scare mom to get her in the car to go home with us with ALL us kids in the car. I don't remember who won that one. Years ahead uncles brothers cousins and neighbor men raped mom my sisters and me. Never understanding till later in life. Mom never helped us nor prevent them from doing sexual things to us.
Nor did she care how she or dad treated us. She encouraged them to give us money. My mom was a piece of shit! I was the only girl uh female whore left in the house for dad to continue trying to get rid of. Take this never ending revenge against women out on mom and me. Pentecost preacher my ass. Why would mom let all this happen to us?
It's no excuse that she had not had it so good either. Grandpa Martin raped her as a child many times. Maybe this was why I've never known Grandpa Martin to say one word to anyone EVER. I've never heard him speak never heard that man talk. He sat around with a fly swat in his hands. Us kids ignored him he wasn't shit to us only memories you bury forever.
Mom married an abusive man, Dwayne to get away from grandpa. Mom married another abusive man my dad to escape that abusive man. It's a no brainer why I can't tell the difference between love and abuse their was no difference. Is it hereditary choices or is life dealing us bad cards?
All my life I've had a saying which may be true I've said; "I got left behind in the old year." Born 11:59 December 31 New Year's Eve on minute till midnight. My twin brother was born a few minutes in the new year. I've become the best at everything I've done in my opinion a perfectionist to a point anal some friends now days say. Everything still goes rotten.
One minute I would have been a New Year's Baby. My twin brother David made New Year's baby. Maybe life would have been entirely different if I had not been left behind in the old year cheated out of one minute. I say, "Mom put me behind one minute in life always missing opportunities of anything good in life."
Is there something so out of the ordinary about me that every minute of my life has been continuous chaos traumas violence abuse incest pain sad chain of events? No wander I'm an insomniac too much drama, rapes, incest, violence, trauma, abusive marriages or relationships.
Courts, jails, prisons, probations, wrecks, fines, court cost, DUI traffic schools, counselors, purges and bonds. Children taken violently. Losses of homes, properties and vehicles. Drugs, deaths, alcoholics, cheating, lying, scams, robberies all with malicious intent, assaults, hurricanes, tragedies and anger. WOW I give up there is a really long list of turbulence.
I've written my story many times just for it to end up in trash cans or shredded for shipping. Then floppy disks which go bad unreadable or the computer crashes having to rebuild, rewrite and deal with repeated stories transferred in with wrong programs not compatible with older programs, notepad or wordpad always crashing, always starting over just like life.
Once I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Winchester, KY. When I was young that jail was just a hang out for me. Jail was small and old so was the jailer. Ole' Jim Boyd, the jailer took good care of me. I wrote on Kotex boxes.
Once again I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Fl. Written on whatever scraps of cardboard, toilette paper or Kotex boxes. Another two year stay in jail in Sarasota, Florida I wrote it. Another two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Florida. They need to stop putting trash cans on the outside of jails. Another two year stretch in Orlando, Florida.
I wrote my story again. First I had nothing to write on except court papers they kept giving us. Nothing good comes of anything I do in life no matter how good I am at it. Between some of those stays in the crossbar hotels in the outside world I typed it manually literally on a manual typewriter over and over losing it many times.
Never staying long in one place it's hard to keep anything. I started on the outside free world writing in pencil on tablets I collected up compliments of the county during my two year stay. Later graduated to another manual typewriter then to an electric one and much later computers. All these years I've been writing trying to tell my story.
These days my problem is my books won't keep their format during cut and copy. I've written it many times, but don't keep it published long because it always loses it's formatting. I have to keep starting over. Going by Faith it's someone more powerful spiritual that keeps driving me to keep writing.
And to tell what happened to my two nine year old card playing Hillbilly girl friends, me, mom, my sisters and sisters in Faith. Dueling banjos seemed endlessly echoing throughout the jail. I watched Deliverance it's gross. Hillbillies in the mountains raping fucking city dudes in the ass who wandered into their neck of the mountains forcing them to squeal like pigs.
Exaggerations? Not hardly it's true Hillbillies are nasty violent animals. Makes me have cringing nightmares, horrors of my past knowing that I've lived through that before, but it seems in another life now. None the less I'm proud to be a Hillbilly. Many women in jails/prisons the entire world have horrible heart wrenching nightmare stories of abuse most can't imagine.
What happens to us in life plays a big role on our state of mind then now and later. Abuse and violence play on our minds and hearts making us think this is all life is ever going to bring for us. We sit behind glass while the mayor, government, state, county and city officials walk by us everyday staring at us through glass.
Looking at us with contempt like we're caught animals, criminals, drug addicts, dealers, prostitutes, alcoholics, violent crime offenders. We are creatures society wants to get rid of lock up forever or study and pick our brains to see where the criminal element started, what the fuck ever. Did they find a cure for the criminal element? Which is what they think we are.
They want to pick our brains attempt to rehabilitate those who are rehabilitative. They learn from studying us to find where the criminal minds birth. They make speeches of how they love us and the Lord and oh yeah by the way keep those votes coming. They love money, prestige, pool parties, lies and votes this brings.
We are societies cast outs making them richer more liked more votes for doing society a favor by catching us try to rehabilitate us. Many women die or commit suicide in jails or prisons. Some I had gotten to know over the many years of staying in different county jails/prisons. Many had been to prison many times and are going back to prison.
Or they are taking breaks to take care of older charges then going back to prison. These are prison or jail war stories hid from society. Many of these women are talented artist singers construction workers chefs and cooks. Some owned businesses only for the death drugs to take it all leaving them with no other recourse, but to prefer this life.
They give up after the drugs society men street life family aides alcohol sex abuse and violence have stripped them left them numb not caring what happens. Most is of their own doing yes, but it don't help them become any better of citizen when the system family and men beat them/us down rob and rape them/us along with the system.
I tried escaping dad's fury his disappointment of me being a female whore abandoning the incest of brothers relatives the beatings on all us kids from dad by running away time and again. Going as far as I could start a new life. California sounded good.
We were not aloud to watch TV go to ball games watch movies or go to carnivals. Never hold a deck of cards play with a toy hold a doll read a comic show our necks wrist legs or ankles or do things other children do and crave. The only toy I owned was a doll with no head I kept hid a man in the fire department gave me for Christmas.
My dad made me believe our hands would swell if you held a deck of cards. I had a deck hidden under my mattress for a long time. I wouldn't go near it for the longest. I really believed my hands would swell up. Now days it's habitual to play cards or games on the computer or Internet with people across the world.
If dad knew my oldest sister played Michael Jackson and let us listen we would all have taken a beating! We had a little record player the only 45 record we owned was Michael Jackson. We loved Michael Jackson before he got himself into all the latest trouble he's in these days. I still love you Michael Jackson and ABC I have Faith in you!
Archie's in my eyes and heart were real with their "Aww Sugar Sugar Aww Honey Honey You are My Candy Girl." Later in life I drove everyone in sane in the bars with this song. It was just such a good dancing tune. Monkeys stole my heart then broke my heart splitting up. I had a fan club for each of the Monkeys for all Monkey lovers.
Unpopular girls hung around together. We picked names of the Monkeys we loved the best. I was Davy Jones. Davy was gorgeous, but all of the Monkeys have my heart always. I've been to a lot of the concerts everywhere anytime I hear one of the Monkeys is going to be there.
King of the Road and Hang on Sloopy, Jerry Reed, Jerry Lee Lewis, "Great Balls of Fire," Shirley Temple, Hank Williams Sr., Bobby Bare, Charlie Pride, Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Soggy Bottom Boys, Waylon and Willie, Boxcar Willie, Grand Ole' Opry. All these have been here and are here to stay legends. Oh and Three Stooges.
Comic books, Sunday comics, theaters, drive in movies, ball games, dances, gym classes, music, movies, cards, television, radio or whatever dad considered entertainment or material was taking our minds away from God. These things are of the devil, dad believed. We were severely beaten for doing anything or saying anything concerning any of these subjects.
God forbid me show my ankles wrist or neck a small kid a preacher's daughter marked for life! Ripping the hems from my dresses wasn't cool dad. I wanted to go far away. California sounded good to me. I didn't know on foot it would take so long to get to California. I also didn't know hopping in box cars don't work they don't go anywhere.
I never got to California by the way. The only thing always running away accomplished was a life on the streets or highways getting raped with guns, knives, violence, drugs, alcohol, sex and men. Men were always pulling knives or guns to my head or neck.
If I had known what was out there in the world it would not have mattered. Home was NOT where any heart was. Highways and streets were better than a life of beatings, rapes, incest, being thrown against walls for being female whores. Wait what? Where was the difference? A child should I stay home or run? I always chose running.
It's not like the kids today we spoil with expensive clothing these days are into HOT TOPICS, expensive games, VCRs, DVDs, computers, drugs, alcohol, sex, tons of food, personal items etc...even if we do without they still complain wanting more. Bored no matter how much you buy to entertain them with.
Highways streets the concrete itself loved me when no one else would. Alone even on rainy, stormy, snowing or scorching sun I was happier there than anywhere because it was freedom. I was most happiest when I could climb the Appalachia mountains in Kentucky and sit there alone with animals and mother nature long as I wanted. Write in the dirt what was happening.
I can't find my way back to those mountains. I was supposed to be left some of that mountain, but when I told on everyone for being perverts I lost that. I was no longer considered family to be left anything. Kiss My Ass! Fuck their perverted asses.
Still a child I was always found by the law at their mercy bound by laws returned to dad each time who beat me for running away time and again. I felt loved wanted by the streets and highways I thought concrete was the best friend I've ever found. Snow rain or heat I would always return there.
Hitchhiking or walking far as I could from state to state amazed at how far I'd get turn around and go back the other way or any way not caring where it would lead or take me to. I loved my freedom. I never thought about proverbial straws my proverbial camel was collecting till a perverted killer rapist monster outside my family added horror in my life.
I don't know where I got this camel with the strong back carrying straws for me that would multiply over the years. Hope that Camel plans for a long haul and lots of straws. I have a feeling he's going all the way with me till the end when that last straw will be the last straw that breaks my faithful camel's back. Good thing proverbial camels are free.
Dad bought acreage in the back woods of Spencer, Indiana wanting to get mom and me away from neighbors city and men. We were whores remember? Miles away from anyone or anything. He didn't care if we had water food clothes or made it to school. He was then a fireman working in Indianapolis, Indiana still preaching too.
I rarely saw humans aside from mom and my brothers unless we went to school which was rare. Two nine year old hillbilly girls my age on the bus actually likes me and plays cards with me and gets into trouble with me everyday over it with the bus driver. I wish I knew their families so I could tell them the story that I was the one who survived this tragedy.
I loved those two girls. Sleep with the angels I'll be there with you soon. Me nor my brothers and sisters go to school often because dad drags us to different counties and states to preach and do his famous Indian dance. Me and Daniel a younger brother daily took jugs walking miles to get mountain water.
I talked Daniel into running away with me going to grandma's in Kentucky. Grandma called them and snitched us out. They assumed Daniel talked me into running away and blamed it on Daniel so I let him take the blame and the beating that came with it. I have no good excuse okay?
Dad and my older brothers were running a big machine called a bush hog trying to mow down the endless fields of brush. That machine looked huge to a tiny girl not much older than nine or ten. Many years while growing up I loved working with and for dad. I helped him build that three story house us kids grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, Spencer Ave.
I worked with him on his company "Dependable Fire Extinguisher and Equipment Company. I don't know why he hated me cept he thinks I'm a whore. Before sunrise this day I wanted to make dad be proud of me maybe like me. I got on that big bush hog taking down as much of that field as I could to impress dad thinking this should get dad to like me.
I stopped taking a break watching the pigs/hogs and horses breed thinking humans wasn't much better than cruel animals taking whatever they want from the opposite sex whether they want it or not. My thoughts were interrupted by a strange man stopping to ask me where the McIntosh's lived. I thought it was very strange where did a human come from way out here?
Where are these people he says live out here? How and why would a man get lost all the way in the mountains back woods of Indiana? I told him we had not lived here long people were far away we don't know anyone yet. He asked where my mom dad or family was.
Not knowing what he was leading up to I told him dad was in Indianapolis working, mom and my brothers were still asleep. I watched him walk back to his car and get in. I turned for a moment continuing my break watching the animals thinking of the endless fields of bushes and brush not knowing this man had other plans.
Seemed only a minute his hands covered my mouth he was hurting me he had a gun to my head forcing me into his car making me lie down so no one would see me. It was all happening so quick! How had he returned so fast? I was allowed to get up he grabbed me violently forcing me with the gun to my head with hands full of my hair in his other hand.
He drove for awhile with the gun and steering wheel in one hand a handful of my hair in his other hand. I was scared out of my brains! We stopped climbed over barbed wire fences to a path going back into the woods going further into the privacy of the woods there was a large area had been mowed. Like this was planned or happened before.
How many other little girls had he taken here? How many more was he going to take here? We got where he wanted to stop a large area also mowed down I was scared couldn't stop screaming and crying which only made him mad. He pulled out his penis. With the gun in one hand a handful of my hair in the other he kept forcing my mouth to his penis.
I clamped my mouth shut I thought my teeth were breaking. I was cutting my lips hurting my mouth trying to keep this thing from going into my mouth. The more I screamed and cried the harder he hit me with the gun. By the time his semen squirted all over my face my clothes had been torn to shreds.
I was naked and badly beaten my body had cuts and bruises, but somehow I was lose. I don't know how, but I was lose. Shaking falling crying screaming in hysterics. I ran barefoot naked in creeks and fields cutting my feet and body as I fell. Running screaming crying not knowing how far I had gone or where I was at. I saw a big house on a hill I ran to the house.
A nice lady with a horrified look on her face answered the door and wrapped me in a blanket. The sheriff told her not to feed me or give me anything to drink and not to clean me up till after they got there. They took pictures and scraped stuff off my body. Then took samples from my vagina, my mouth and took blood.
Exactly who was going to be on trial? Me or the man who did this? Was I being tortured and raped then or now? I was more scared of what them and dad would do to me. I returned home the law left dad beat me accusing me of being a whore enticing the man. I was eight or nine I didn't know what enticing nor whore even meant.
I was wearing a huge dirty T-shirt which belonged to one of my brothers and a huge ugly purple skirt that belonged to my mom. I was bush hogging down a field how was this enticing him? Someone should explain to a nine year old what enticing and whore means. This day I was riding the bus with my girlfriends. We get off to walk a long ways to our houses.
That man was waiting! He took me and my two girlfriends to that same wooded place over the torn down barbed wire fence through the first mowed area further into the woods to that same mowed wooded area he took me to. I watched him violently beat, rape and shoot my first friend. While he was beating and raping her sister I got away.
I knew which direction to go this time to get to that house on the hill. Next day I went to identify the man they believe done this. I walked in I saw him fear ran through me. They knew when I ran this was the man. This man took three little girls when we stepped off of the school bus he violently beat, raped and killed them.
THIS WILL HURT AND EFFECT ME ALL MY LIFE! We played cards on the bus everyday and our hands didn't swell up. I looked at their hands before I touched the cards. They said; "They have been playing cards for a long time" they were good at it too. We played poker spades and hearts you name the game these two girls knew how to play it.
They said; "Their hands never swelled up." I started playing with them everyday. We had no other way out here in no where land to entertain ourselves. Those trips to school with my two girlfriends was the only excitement any of us had. It was against the rules to play cards on the bus or on school grounds this was our way of rebelling.
These girls would tell them to kiss their ass. They wasn't preacher's daughters huh? I didn't care they were a lot of fun to be around. I thought their card playing cursing asses was no reflection on me. I scraped my initials on his gun for evidence identifying the gun.
Mom and dad said; "That man only got two years ran out of the state he was free again." This was the story I was told. Dad said; "This was all my fault because I was inticing the man." I guess According to my ass hole dad I should name my story; "I was a nine year old Hillbilly whore."
There is no justice in life I learned it early in life. Not even the system is what it should be or was meant to be once upon a time. The system then and now SUCKS! What is this life I've been given? I never went to school much what with dad being a preacher drug from state to state town to town preaching the word of GOD. How could he believe all he preached?
He's a lying ass child abusing hypocrite. It wasn't the work of God he was lying about, it was we knew that he knew what went on in our home. He did not live what he preached. I was the only one out of eleven children who listened not to him to the word of GOD mesmerized by what he was saying. I HEARD! God's seed was planted.
It was hard not to listen. Dad danced around like an Indian holding his hands on one ear or the other. Jumping through and around the audience or congregation like he was doing an Indian dance. For awhile on one foot then the other, one ear then the other. And in between each sentence was some kind of sound that sounded like a loud HUH.
Then on with the story he would go screaming the entire sermon. That amazed me in itself by how long dad could dance around like that. Other kids, my brothers, sisters and were scared to death of the dancing and screaming involved in these gatherings.
My brothers, sisters and me were forced to embarrass ourselves in front of congregations to show everyone how we had no talents and we were totally useless in this area, we were the worse, but we would wing it and stick a kazoo in our mouth.
We pretended to be keeping up with this little stupid thing dad made us blow in. It made stupid sounds that wasn't even music it was similar to a party favor noise maker. We should have been holding signs saying; "We hate our parents." Dad played an electric guitar mom played an electric accordion and sang.
Silliest thing my mom had a harmonica strapped around her neck she played it at the same time while playing the accordion and singing it was amazing. Mom, dad, Carolyn my oldest sister and my oldest brother Herbert Jr. could sing and play any instrument you put in their hands without any lessons. Carolyn could sing and play any instrument like my mom and dad.
Herbert Jr. could sing like Johnny Cash. From Johnny on down 6 kids had zilch talent. We ALL hated going to church including mom. Add Johnny Cash to the list of singers we liked as children. He was my hero of singers! Your always first in my heart Hank Williams Jr.
Your my idea of a heart throb, your every woman's dream man and my ideal of what our child hood love should be. Hank Williams Jr. you make my hands shake and my heart beat too fast! Your my ideal of a perfect man! I know of your scars in life, hurts and heartbreaks. I've followed your life since your daddy was young when Waylon and Willie was young.
Many years later I did get to see Hank Williams I was pushed down by huge women while I pushing my way to the stage to throw a western shirt I bought for Hank Williams. My entire family sang and played instruments country or gospel music. By entire family I mean uncles cousins aunts etc...I play a pretty good kazoo.
Country singers we all go way back all you country stars and singers. I know your daddies and mommas. Dolly you always make me smile when I think of you and your music. We grew up together Dolly. And Loretta Lynn I loved you song; "If ya don't wanna go to fist city." Stevie Nicks I'm not gay and would never, but you I would seriously have to think about.
I still listen to Hank and Johnny's songs to this day I'm 60 now revising my story. Hillbillies by nature don't know grammar or punctuation. I didn't know at the time through the horror dad put us through screaming and dancing like an Indian that the seed had been planted.
No matter what kind of person was preaching what he did not live by what in his mind was living by I believed what he was saying about this man called Jesus the seed was planted." I watched my brothers for many years take my little girlfriends to abandoned cars in fields raping them taking what they wanted. I was desperately wanting to get away.
I wanted to escape and find a better way to live. I wore clothes of my mothers which had safety pins holding everything together around me. I was embarrassed to change in gym classes my panties were being held together with safety pins. We wasn't in school much and we were poor. I was always bruised from beatings.
Not going to anything with other children because we were never allowed to go to anything at school made other kids hate me, hit me, throw things at me, make fun of me, call me names, draw ugly pictures of me with ugly names below it wad them up throw them at me, push me up against walls once breaking a watch a teacher gave me.
Kids yelled at me from the bus so many so loud I rarely had the heart to get on the bus I usually hung my head and walked all the way it was a long way. The girls in the gym classes made fun of me for having a bra with so many safety pins and panties with safety pins to hold them up. I swore if I ever had children they would always have new underwear and clothes.
Girls especially are mean. They were spying on me taking a shit. Laughing make fun of the way I was taking a shit and wiping my ass. One of them had their finger in the space where the hinges are when I opened the door I broke her fingers, oops.
These days the more safety pins on your clothing the cooler you are so why was I made fun of back then if it was going to become fashionable one day? These days safety pins little hands cuffs and chains are the thing it's called Hot Topics or Frederick's of Hollywood or Victoria Secret.
I would never say no to my kids in stores nor I would never buy myself something to drink if they didn't have one I never eat anything buy myself food or snacks unless my children had them first. I would not let the kids on the bus see me cry they didn't deserve to see this emotion giving them the feeling of victory I walked to school every day.
I didn't have the heart to get on the bus. All the kids screamed at me called me nasty stupid names no way I was getting on that bus. The driver sometimes wouldn't let me on and kids are truly mean. Many times the janitor's wife gave me pretty dresses and clothes I knew dad would tear them saying, "I can't show my ankles legs arms and neck."
I could never wear anything pretty like other kids. I saw my mom doing ironing for neighbors, cleaning homes, repairing TVs and radios in our home and doing laundry for people to buy clothes pretty dresses from the neighbors. They had more money than us and bought their daughters new dresses and only let them wear them once.
I saw them ahead of time before while hanging in the neighbor's house thinking they were for me. I guess that's what I get for thinking only of me being greedy they were for my sister Darlene. Never for me. Dad was buying shoes for everyone I asked him to buy me a pair they were only $1.00. He told me I could go work for them get them myself.
I swore from that day I would never ask no one if life for a hand out. I would never do what a lot of people do today called panhandling. I would never ask no one for nothing the rest of my life I vowed to work earn whatever I get in life. I would never ask dad or mom I wanted nothing from them anymore.
Mom used to send me to McDonalds when it first came out everyday to get her a soda and burgers. She wanted the soda to arrive fresh a certain amount of ice in it the burgers had special orders too. If we needed bread or anything I had to go the store to get it. She would send me to the store everyday to get her Pay-Day candy bars and boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Or bags of assorted different candy and we never got to have any of that. One day I was pissed about always going to the store for her never getting nothing for doing it. I bought myself with the change a bag of paraffin and went across the street to share it with the little boy across the street and got in big trouble by his mom for it.
It got blew up that I stole my moms change and tried to hurt that little boy with paraffin. I didn't know curse words yet I do now and that was fucked up! That nasty neighbor girl Sherry always wore pretty dresses everyday brought her huge collection of Barbie dolls over. I had to watch her set them all up houses furniture and all.
I was to watch her dress and undress them and play with them. I was never allowed to touch or play with them just watch. I always had a stupid crooked grin on my face thinking how much of a selfish dork she was. Wishing she would take her stupid dolls and go home.
I told her one day; "I don't want to play with you anymore this isn't sharing nor is it playing with you take your Barbie shit house and all go home." I swore then when I grow up no kid will do without a toy that I know about and they haven't. No wander there is that saying, "Preacher's children are the worse especially a preacher's daughter."
My twin brother, David and I were the middle children. I gave the bus and kids another chance, but kids and adults are cruel cold hearted I wanted to get the fuck out of home and school. Fourth grade I was fed up with life mom dad people relatives kids and school. The bus stopped in front of the school.
I walked to the other side of the bus and walked right off and returned to the highways. Where I felt love, security, freedom and happiness more than any place on earth. When I got to the highways I drew a deep breath while crying to myself I said; "I'm home." I went to my oldest brother Herbert Jr. in Ohio this was a huge mistake.
Both older brothers Herbert Jr. and John were there. They took me to the bedroom I remember screaming kicking crying while John held me down. Herbert Jr. on top of me with his penis out my clothes ripped off. I kicked screamed so hard thank God they got mad gave up took me to grandma Martin's house in Kentucky.
Grandma Martin was my only safe haven in life. Above all people I loved grandma Martin, but she always made me go home. I'll always run away. I became a great thief hanging with pros no one could ever see my slick hands take anything slicker than everyone else. Later in life there were larger scams made the front pages our gangs were responsible for.
Headlines were; "Barnett Boogies," "Bud Heighst," "Waterford Crystal to go," "Nurseries emptied" and "$9,000.00 fireworks gone disappeared!" There are slicker thieves out here today most of them are called crack or rock heads.
Our entire family was gathered for my other grandmother's funeral. Three of my aunts and grandma told me to go steal them all an outfit so I did. They loved their outfits. Everyone was trying them on then I over heard them talking of how bad I turned out. They told me to steal they were trying it all on loving how it all looked. In the same breath how bad I was.
I walked out the back door swore I would never see any of them again. I didn't and haven't. I hitched back to mom and dad. What a mistake again. I ran away many times the law found me and my soon to be sister in law and best friend, Eva in Chicago. Two men followed her and I as we walked down the street. We thought they would hurt us, but it was the law.
We were too young to wander streets late and alone. They took us to the police station. Mom and dad said; "We want our daughter in law, but you can keep Mary. She's ungovernable always running away let her go or keep her. I went home again.
I thought I was in love with Bobby, the son of people who owned a country church in Spencer, Indiana where my dad was preaching. I owned a huge double cymbal tambourine. I loved this nice tambourine. It had a key to keep all the hardware tightened or tuned with and tight, pretty new skin.
Dad bought it for me, but never let me play it the way I wanted I was good at playing it. I could make that thing sing. Most of the churches dad preached in were black I was raised in black churches. This is maybe why I have high opinions of black people. Good people!
For many years I jammed out with the churches bands drummers singers when the entire church sang together or when dad, mom, Carolyn Herbert Jr., Johnny or David was singing. Dad hated the way I played it. I was a perfectionist it sounded good to everyone else. I loved playing that thing.
I donated it to this church it was too boring the way he wanted me to play he refused to let me play it better so it was of no use to me. He was mad I put him on the spot in front of them by donating it to them. These people killed their own hogs and cattle. They had a breakfast lunch and dinner every Sunday. Bobby their son was having sex with his cousin.
He had a hook on one arm. He was shot in a war. His arm saved the bullet from going to his heart. I was determined to get him away from his cousin have him for myself. Not knowing this would add more straws on my camel's back. I was dating his best friend Rick. If that was what you would call dating.
I was going to marry him when he returned from the service, but I wanted Bobby. Mom and dad agreed on me staying home if I dated Rick. They liked Rick. They wouldn't if they knew what I learned later. Rick went to the army. He wrote quite often, but I never answered him. I wasn't interested in him.
I spent the night with Bobby in a funeral home where him and Rick lives. There was a huge party happening downstairs. Johnny, my next older brother, the one involved in raping my baby sister and trying to rape me many times, married my best friend Eva.
They were there along with a lot of big men who were huffing paint from bags, taking drugs, drinking alcohol and beer. Bobby was in the kitchen drinking beer with his cousin. I was told by Bobby do not participate yet he could and everyone else could.
Johnny and Eva snuck out to call the law and snitched on everyone wanting the law to interfere before I got caught up in all this. The law hauled them all out. Bobby and I were upstairs on the fourth floor in an old funeral home he lived in. We did not have sex nor even kiss.
We read Superman comic books all night. Still a kid comic books was an amazing new and awesome thing. Don't you wish kids these days were so easily amused and made happy? Those huge alcoholic paint huffing guys got out of jail the next day. I watched them break every rib maybe a few other bones in my brother's body.
I watched them beat the holy shit out of Johnny. I was crying, but my thoughts were; "It was wrong he snitched and wrong what he did to my baby sister, me and my little friends so I felt he deserved it." Rick was back from service now and fucking a friend of Bobby's.
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and those big guys tied me up, beat me then poured beer, alcohol, mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, eggs and everything in the refrigerator or cabinet all over me then took me down town and tied me to a light post and left me. Some time later the law untied me took and me back to Bobby. He let his friends beat me all the time.
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and their friends were all partying he told everyone to throw watermelons and rinds at me. That caused a lot of bruises all over me. He hit me a lot with that hook on his arm. We had not had sex yet dad accused us of having sex. He said; "I was a tramp a whore worth nothing used damaged." Being a preacher he could legally marry us.
Dad got out his double barrel shot gun and we had a real double barrel shot gun wedding. I lived with Bobby and his friends beating me, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, huffing paint and him having sex with his cousin. They all treated me bad. He would get mad if I asked for something to eat. We went to a store he bought some food.
He was eating those little precooked sausages. When I asked for one he said; "Hell no I gotta feed you too what the fuck?" I didn't understand nor was educated or experienced at what Bobby wanted. If I did maybe he would stop mistreating me, maybe he would love me. I couldn't figure this sex thing out.
Rick's girlie friend tried to explain it to me so Bobby could have sex with me. I didn't know nor understand none of this nor did I want any part of it all. She kept saying, "I needed to lay underneath of Bobby and let him do what he needs to do to me and wiggle like crazy."
Well hell for the life of me I couldn't picture this! Why would I let a heavy man lay on top of me? Why would I want to wiggle under him? Hmm just couldn't picture it happening. Tired of this I went to my old love the highways. Bobby saw me on the highway he pulled next to me then followed me for awhile trying to talk me into getting into his car.
I was crying and pissed off. He had just let a bunch of his friends throw watermelon rinds at me again then tried to drown me. Strangers pulled over I jumped in to get a ride out of there back to mom and dad. They said; "I could not stay I was used and damaged." I hitchhiked to my oldest sister Carolyn in Ohio where she now lived and owned a small restaurant.
I had periods now no one ever taught me how to take care of this new problem. By the time I got to my sister's house the crotch of my cut off jean shorts were rotten. I didn't know what was wrong. I freaked out thought I was hurt inside. I didn't know what to do about this new horrible problem. She would not loan me anything to wear.
She said; "I had to earn it working in their restaurant still wearing those shorts." I asked if I could cook myself a hamburger. She said; "After a couple more hours of work I had not earned anything yet." She finally told me I could. I was starving didn't know when I had ate last. Must have been at least a couple of months or so.
Bobby would get irate sometimes hit me with the hook if I asked for something to eat or mentioned I was hungry. He said; "He was not going to support me." While cooking my hamburger I over heard Carolyn talking to her husband saying, "She has a lot nerve coming here asking for food and clothes."
I left the burger on the grill my oldest friend was waiting out the back door. I was happy to be with my love again the highways, concrete, air, open space, freedom, no humans and loved. Never caring all those years whether it stormed or knee deep in snow.
I was free, loved, wanted, welcomed secured by the fact the highway's pavement would not take from me, won't hurt me, won't lie to me, won't yell at me, don't beat on me it truly loves me AND let's ME walk on it! The pavement never complained about the snow or rain why should I?
The only times I was happy were walking down highways never caring where or how far they took me. Most times I would never accept rides. Every time I did it would turn into violence some way or another. Couldn't seem to ever get back to my mountains paths this concrete path was all I had. I cried more tears than the storms. My mountains turned into concrete!
Felt good mixing rain or snow with tears. Still in the same cut off shorts an Italian man offered me a ride. All I had been through in life could anything happen to me that had not already been done? I thought this man had fallen in love with me. I was still young, still pretty and still a virgin.
He bought me a back pack, three pair of jeans, three panties, three shirts, shoes, socks, a kitten and a hotel room for three days. Still young and dumb I thought I would get some sleep. Cheap price to pay for what he got! He took me to a meeting he was bragging showing me off. I thought he would be my new husband, lover would be ok.
In that cheap hotel room a few miles from my older sister Carolyn's place with a complete stranger for the price of clean clothing, something to eat and a little attention I lost what later in life I learned you could never get back. What everyone knows is truly something worth more than money could have paid for, my virginity and dignity!
I thought I was going to finally get to sleep though I was feeling totally violated and was loosing all self respect and esteem if there was any left and hiding, holding tears while in severe pain. Being tossed around like a rag violated over and over. What the fuck just happened?! I held my own through it all.
I should have been thankful there was a shower, towels, clean clothes to put on instead of dwelling on what he took from me he did give me clothing, something to eat and my life. Which was no longer worth anything after that first guy who killed my nine year old card playing hillbilly girlfriends I played cards with now this.
I didn't know I was trading my virginity for food, clothes and a place to clean up after it's all over. I guess in his mind I was a whore he paid in advance. This is the story I have to tell for the rest of my life? When women are talking about sexual things the subject comes up of who took your virginity. I'm just going to say, "He was an Italian man."
It last for three days then after the pain and blood, three days later he left promising to return. Oh don't be calling me dumb naive or blonde I was still just a kid. I was raised in a Pentecostal environment and knew nothing. I didn't know nor would I have thought and still think that people don't lie or steal.
I still to this day get taken advantage of, scammed and robbed. Yeah and this book will be finished and have a happy ending before I'm too old right? I never would have thought this man would've treated me so violent, rough, cold and uncaring. I was kicked out of the hotel.
I sat outside with my kitten, new clothes and back pack for three days waiting for his promise of returning I believed him. The owners of the hotel had to keep running me off from the front lawn. I had no where to go. No money and no survival instincts outside of my mountain upbringing mostly highways was all I knew.
In the mountains back woods I could hunt fish get weeds berries nuts water squeeze water drops from moss pot. I went back to my only love again the highways. Hitching down the road a few miles some gorgeous long blonde haired guy yelled from across the road. I saw him from a distance a little while ago he was gorgeous. He said; "Hey cutie want to party?"
He was yelling across the road to me! Wow the cutest guy in that group called me cutie! I didn't know what a party was yet, but what other plans did I have? Maybe he would give me a place to sleep and something to eat. WRONG! He introduced me to my first joint and first beer. A wide mouth Sterling. Drunk and stoned he took me to his car.
I thought oh well it's a place to sleep. A couple of days after having sex drinking beer and smoking pot he said; "I could not stay." He lived with his mother. He got what he wanted and was through with me. My only love the faithful concrete highways wasn't far. I went back to mom and dad which was always a mistake. They were living in Indianapolis, Indiana again.
Dad said; "I was nothing more than a whore and drug addict." He put me in a juvenile center. When I got out stupid me went back to mom and dad. They let me stay, but set me up for a fall. Dad introduced me to a man who asked if a friend and him could come over that night.
The gorgeous blonde from before gave me a joint a roach no bigger than the end of my little fingernail. When they got there the guy I was supposed to date asked me if I had any pot. I said; "Yes is this pot?" I handed him the roach.
He asked me if he gave me $50.00 would I give him a blow job. I didn't know what a blow job was so I said; "Yes show me what it is." He pulled out his penis then put it back in his pants handcuffed me they arrested me for drugs and prostitution.
I was not of age in an adult jail. Dad told me earlier I would get into trouble that night if I didn't go to church with them. Six months later I wasn't going home again. I headed to the highways. It was always a lost cause trying to get them to love me. I couldn't even ask them for food.
When all of us kids were at home sitting down to eat mom and or dad would hit me in the back of my head continuously the entire time I was trying to eat. Making me cry gag sometimes throw up. David took food from my plate when they were not looking that I couldn't eat. Meals were a nightmare. Not knowing Bobby had our marriage annulled.
I was going back to see if he wanted me. He never wanted me to begin with. I went to a bus station to rest and get a ticket to Spencer, Ind. A man came up to me said; "He had been following me watching out for me for awhile." He told me he knew everything about me, my older sister, Carolyn and her adventures in prison.
He knew about my husband and some of what happened to me, my brothers and sisters and about my parents. He got my trust and told me he would drive me to my husband I believed him. I cashed in my ticket to take a ride with a stranger. On the way he kept talking about my family all the while giving me a pill saying, "It would calm me down." I wasn't not calm.
I kept putting them to the side in my mouth and spitting them out. He kept forcing me to keep taking them. They dissolved enough to effect me. I remember a field, barbed wire fence, a gun and a lot of pain, but I couldn't move. When was I going to learn not to trust people? Not till I'm way older? I'm still learning this now by gosh!
I remember being thrown out of the car my clothes were torn and bloody. I remember my mother in law and a sheriff. She said; "I was a tramp used merchandise her son did not deserve to have me in his life." She told Bobby to get me out of her house and off her property.
This preacher lady isn't going to be in MY Heaven. Bobby came to get me. Him and his friends again tied me up, beat me, poured everything in the kitchen on me, took me back down town and again tied me up to a light pole. When I was let loose I found my way back to Bobby's house. I was sitting on Bobby's porch talking with an old neighbor man.
He kept trying to get me to have sex with him telling me Bobby didn't deserve me. Looking in the window from the porch I waited till Bobby was through having sex with his cousin. I interrupted quite a party. Rick, Bobby and their girlfriends were having sex and doing cocaine.
I didn't know what cocaine, drugs or alcohol was yet, but I do now and that is what they were doing. I left couldn't take all this again and tolerate this old man that just wouldn't take back off for an answer. If your wandering about cleanliness through all this there are hotels, truck stops, restaurants, gas stations and many uses for soap.
I tried going home to see if mom and dad would except me of course they didn't. My twin brother, David is a minute or two into the New Year's older than me. He said; "I could stay with his girlfriend." We went there she said; "No." I was alone I could get peaceful sleep in the snow under a park table. David found me. He was worried I wasn't eating.
Mom must have had some kind of pity or compassion for me or David took it all. He said; "Mom sent some chicken and soup beans so I could eat." I was freezing, but the food was so good. Not knowing what to do I went to Kentucky to see if grandma would let me stay. I got to her house where I remember growing up off and on and was happy to see this house again.
Neighbors told me my aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa and cousins moved to Florida. They did know where one of my aunts was living that stayed so I went there. My uncle, Roy said; "If I had sex with him he was going to Florida and would take me to grandma." I didn't have any choice and didn't know what he was asking was wrong nor what he was asking for.
I was giving him what was more important than a place to sleep or something eat. He took me to his car my aunt his wife knowing nothing of this he raped me then drove me down town and told me to get out. Disgusted with myself and the shame and not knowing what to do I hitchhiked back to mom and dads. A heart break always.
I knew I could never get my dad to like me, but I still kept trying. Neighbors told me they also moved to Florida. What am I going to do now? It had always been days since I ate or slept. My kitten and clothes ditched long ago. I thought I know the alleys and streets of Winchester, Kentucky. I could hitchhike there sleep there. Thus, Dad's footsteps.
Jeanie her sister, Cindy and Barbara had homes with Christian parents and children. They preferred living in streets partying drinking doing drugs fucking and sucking men. We went to a hotel with a lot of men who had hard core drugs.
I thought they were making fun of me by giving me a flat brown pill called Chocolate Mescaline along with four little white pills with white crosses on them called White Crosses. What a trip that night! Everyone was paired off. I was with a gorgeous blonde. Built like a football player quarterback. I sat on his lap felt his huge dick thinking to myself no way!
I've got to find a way out of this. Four officers pounded on the door. We jumped out the back window and escaped then went to one of the guy's house. The guys were messing with me after learning it was my first trip. They were standing in front of a large black wall hanging with what I know now to be the Grim Reaper.
They were pretending to be so thirsty pretending they were drinking imaginary drinks. It took a few minutes to realize I wasn't dehydrated. Took me most of the night to find my way out of their house. I opened one door Jeanie was having sex with one of the guys opening another door Cindy was having sex with another one opening another door Barbara was having sex.
Another door was their bathroom. In the mirror my face was melting! Took hours trying to put my face back together get it to quit melting. Flowers designs has to quit swirling before I try to get out again. I tried to get out again, but made it outside this time. I was walking around the same city block for hours finding myself back at the same house.
I finally went the right direction after the hallucinations eased up. I knew all the houses even the one I just came out of was looking very familiar. I was walking in circles around a city block. I didn't really know city blocks end up in the same spot if you walk around and around all night. I had never knew there was a difference in a country block and city block.
I found Lexington Avenue and I decided it was best if I go straight except each step I took felt as though I was breaking the concrete my feet were slamming down so hard. Everything was so weird and intense. I was trying to get to my new job as a waitress in a restaurant. I made it there, but they told me I wasn't scheduled for 10 more hours.
Incoherent I walked back down the road in hopes to find the new apartment I just rented. Jeanie Brenda Cindy and those men had been there partying and knocked holes in my walls tore the apartment up. The landlord kicked me out without getting to see my new apartment. She kept all my belongings which wasn't much mostly clothes for the damage.
I made it back to work, but my new friends kept showing up wanting my tip money. I kept giving it to them. A few days of this I was fired. They kept hanging out wanting my money. Well now what the fuck do I do? Many years I hung on the streets with these girls. They introduced me to every kind of alcohol and drugs.
Speed, White Crosses, Black Beauties, the real thing folks not mag scripts, Yellow Jackets, 357 Magnums, Meth, Cocaine, Pot, Chocolate Mescaline, Orange Barrel, Purple Haze, LSD, Yellow Sunshine, Elephant Tranquilizers, Horse Tranquilizers, MDA, Microdots, Percacets, Percadans, Darvons, Darvecets, Lemon 14'
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Summary


Chapter One
*Dueling banjos?! Listening from inside my window Deliverance famous for the Dueling banjos otherwise known as "The Feudin Banjos" in the movie "Deliverance" is playing on television. It's loud echoing throughout the cells. Everything echoes in prisons and jails. I hate that movie it's gross, but true. I love banjo playing always have. Wish they didn't put it in such a sick movie.
"The Feudin Banjos" was composed the year I was born, 1955. Arthur Smith first recorded it playing a four string banjo accompanied by Don Reno on a five string banjo. In 1963 it was first aired on the Andy Griffith show it was called; "Briscoe Declares for Aunt Bee." I remember them as the "Darling Family." Which was played by a Bluegrass group, "The Dillards."
City Folk coming into the mountains making fun of us Hillbillies. Genetic deficiencies, incest is true. Fucking animals is true too, but your not going to make out of the mountains. If you do your never the same. Hillbillies can clean their stupid asses like they do all animals. Skin them, quarter them out and barbeque them after they fuck the hell out of them.
It's also true Hillbillies are partial to pig squealing. Yes we are born of incest, but that is not for anyone, but God to judge. Most Hillbillies can play any instrument you put in their hands by nature without any lessons. Most Hillbillies carry a guitar or banjos everywhere.
I'll admit Hillbillies do fuck anything with a hole men, women, children or animals, but so do city men, preachers, men in suits or regular clothes. I know this to be a fact because I grew up with this sick shit. Not all Hillbillies are overall wearing banjo pickers. Many have city jeans, white shirts and claim to be preachers.
We lived in the mountains think about it we don't have much of what city people would call clothes. We wrapped or tied anything we could find around our naked asses. Potato sacks work good. That movie triggers sick disturbing sad thoughts memories from the back woods hills mountains of Kentucky.
Hillbillies have huge families all blood kin in hollers, backwoods mountain people. The music and song was used in "Deliverance" without Smith's permission which resulted in a successful lawsuit. Billy Reddin who was depicting the mentally challenged inbred could not actually play the banjo.
Most real Hillbillies can. Mike Addis was actually the hands on the neck of the banjo. Those city folk got what they deserved coming into the mountains making fun of Hillbillies. These scenes were depicted to be the mountains of the Appalachians, but it's the same in all backwoods mountains. Especially Kentucky.
But, we can't fight the system the CO's rule the TVs and the majority rules. So we can't say what we can and can't watch I'll have to listen to the Feudin banjos for awhile. Not so bad where I'm at. I've been in a ton of jails trust me I know I've got it good in here.
In the Appalachia mountains incest was reality common as clear mountain water moonshine, mountain brewed beer and whiskey, double barrels, chicken fights and good ole' homegrown green. It was many years before I saw modern conveniences such as out houses. Later they started putting doors on them. No one could watch our naked asses taking a shit anymore!
Then we got doors on our houses, but we still slept with our dogs. I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana in the heart of it all. Original Indy 500 was only a few miles. Off and on we lived in the city, but dad wanted us out in the sticks. I spent most my years in Kentucky growing up in the mountains with sick ass perverted Hillbilly kin folk.
I never knew at that age being pawned off on Uncles Aunts grandma and cousins was because mom and dad never wanted girls they were getting rid of us basically giving all our cousins and uncles little girl's pussy. I don't candy coat nothing! Guess I never really wander why none of the boys got to stay at kin folks houses in the mountains.
If I told on brothers, cousins and uncles for putting their hands in my panties playing with my pussy or pushing me against cabin walls and trees. Chasing me trying to constantly rape me or threatening me I would take the blame. Even at that age it felt wrong what sick puppies.
I was always horrified, but somehow someone always caught us then I have to take the blame because dad says, "Mom, my sisters and me entice men we are whores." Explain to a nine year old what a whore is. Any child would be terrified and traumatized. How do you fight against men taking sex from us when everyone always took their word over mine?
Dad would say, "She's a whore entices men." It was devastating when they backed me into trees or corner me in cabins or on long trips and try whatever they wanted. When I came forth and told I was no longer wanted by my aunts, cousins or uncles.
No longer could I escape the fury and abuse of my dad with their horrible screaming and fighting over nonsense by getting away to relatives which wasn't any better of a situation. Dad always thought mom was cheating on him. She was. I've some stories thoughts and input on that myself. Mom sent notes by me to neighbor men.
I don't blame her dad was a piece of shit. Throughout childhood relatives and neighbors came to try to rape us while dad was away. Mom was always trying to get away from dad, but he was obsessed with mom. My dad was a Pentecost oneness preacher. I'm branded as a preacher's daughter for life. Dad was also a volunteer medic with the fire department.
He worked three days on and three days off. Dad also ran a business which was an excellent business called Dependable Fire Extinguisher & Equipment Company. I was tiny, but could hold my own working with dad on his business or whatever he was working on or building. This was all later when we moved into civilization.
Uncles, cousins and older brothers were raping us. If we told the situation would be worse. Dad would blame us for being females natural born whores. Stories you hear about incest abuse and the like in childhood or even adulthood are different scars in all aspects emotionally physically financially and psychologically for life. Our pussies AND minds were screwed.
I looked forward to times when I get dumped on my aunts uncles grandma and grandpa even it was a chance of getting raped because I always ran away into the mountains and wrote in the dirt. I loved sitting in the mountains for hours looking at wildlife enjoying peace and quiet except for the awesome noisy animals.
I wrote about everything that was happening to me. If I wrote about it I felt I would never forget it, but it would just all go away if I just stayed right there in that mountain and wrote about what uncles cousins even my brothers had done to my mom, my baby sister Darlene and me. Everyone back then had huge families.
Women were always pregnant around the same time it was common. Big families many sisters brothers aunts uncles and cousins. Women had 11-18 children. Our grandmothers, grandfathers, moms, dads, cousins, uncles and aunts were relatives, blood kin before they were marrying, fucking and sucking within family with their gross incest.
The women were always pregnant at the same time or near. Told you incest was alive in the mountains. Men hillbillies fucked everybody like animals they fucked animals too. Mom and dad's screaming and arguing are common ground in abusive backgrounds I want it to be different better for any kids I have.
Most arguments according to dad were mom's fault they had three whore daughters never to amount to anything except drugs alcohol and men. Turns out he was pretty much right so be it. Dad always had that fear of mom leaving him for another man and she would.
How could dad, a Pentecost oneness preacher who was once the well known Winchester local drunk and drug addict on the streets have the right to condemn and judge little girls who had no idea what was happening? Horrible nightmares of our entire lives. As far back as could I remember all that I went through were my first proverbial straws of life.
My proverbial camel's back will be loaded down with proverbial straws for many years I hope proverbial straw prices don't go too high like all else. Incest and abuse was not the hardest for me most times I was rescued escaped interrupted or got away before something worse happened.
Hardest for me was my baby sister, Darlene whispering in my ears telling me she's sick. I was the only person she could trust even if I did make her sleep in the closet because she snored really loud, but God got even with me for that a few years later. She would fall to the floor shake tremble violently. Her body jumping twitching swallowing her tongue.
Dad always beat her till her bowels and bladder gave way all over her and the floor. I was hiding around corners watching trembling scared crying not able to help for fear I would be beat too. Wish someone had whipped dad's ass back then. Harder for her than me when I was hiding on the stairs of our basement hardly breathing for fear they would hear me.
I was watching my older brothers rape Darlene taking turns not understanding fully what they were doing to her till later in life. The thing I did understood was afterwards she would need me to hold her lie to her tell her everything would get better it would someday be over while cleaning up blood and semen covering her.
They tried many times to trade me school supplies and many other tactics over the years to have sex with them. There should be a law all male hillbillies should have their dick and balls cut off. Perverted city men too what the hell. Men you should not let all this offend you if your not a rapist pervert and don't do incest your excused.
Dad always bought everyone else school supplies clothes and shoes, but told me I had to work and earn whatever I get in life. Okay I will ass hole. I never saw Darlene again I thought maybe when we're older we could hunt for each other. Dad accused her of being a whore tramp saying, "We entice the boys."
Darlene was always pretending to be sick dad said. She was epileptic and diabetic this was what the seizures were. Dad committed her to some kind of place for people not in their right minds. How could she ever be in her right mind? I missed her and didn't know where she disappeared to. My oldest sister had gone through all this and gone on to prison many times.
Been married a number of times and went with other women's husbands. She escaped four times from prison climbing into my bedroom window scaring me to death hiding in my closet long as she could. I don't remember her ever living at mom and dad's house which should have been our home. I never considered anyplace mine.
I remember she was kind of crazy overly jealous of her husbands or boyfriends. She always thought I was looking at one of them. She came at me with a knife one time thinking I was looking at her man. I threw the mop bucket at her full of dirty water kicked her in the stomach then ran out the back door. I got on my old bike rode to a preacher friend of dad's.
I was dating his son though I didn't know what dating was. His son protected me if he could. His sister was my best friend Eva she later married one of my older brothers John. John after dad's death overdosed. He was raping my little sister my little girl-friends and tried me many times. I didn't EVER give a damn what happened to him nor my dad.
I was pregnant for the first time hitchhiking through Indian this same preacher man became a cab driver tried to rape me. I was sick on the streets homeless starving dirty a hurting tired. Giving out pussy to an old bald fat wannabe preacher was the last thing on my mind. His son wasn't like that.
Neither was his daughter, Eva who was gorgeous with long straight brown hair. She was a faithful friend. She married my brother, Johnny Rae. My sister Carolyn was like mom she could sing play the accordion any instrument without lessons. She was beautiful to me what I can remember of her. Her body was always covered with cigarette burns and prison tattoos.
I never knew or realized till it happened for many years I would later follow in dad's footsteps for many years be the new well known street bound Winchester drug addict and alcoholic with an added street whore reputation. Mom tried to escape dad many times only putting eleven kids in danger.
An example is when dad was driving towards a cliff trying to scare mom to get her in the car to go home with us with ALL us kids in the car. I don't remember who won that one. Years ahead uncles brothers cousins and neighbor men raped mom my sisters and me. Never understanding till later in life. Mom never helped us nor prevent them from doing sexual things to us.
Nor did she care how she or dad treated us. She encouraged them to give us money. My mom was a piece of shit! I was the only girl uh female whore left in the house for dad to continue trying to get rid of. Take this never ending revenge against women out on mom and me. Pentecost preacher my ass. Why would mom let all this happen to us?
It's no excuse that she had not had it so good either. Grandpa Martin raped her as a child many times. Maybe this was why I've never known Grandpa Martin to say one word to anyone EVER. I've never heard him speak never heard that man talk. He sat around with a fly swat in his hands. Us kids ignored him he wasn't shit to us only memories you bury forever.
Mom married an abusive man, Dwayne to get away from grandpa. Mom married another abusive man my dad to escape that abusive man. It's a no brainer why I can't tell the difference between love and abuse their was no difference. Is it hereditary choices or is life dealing us bad cards?
All my life I've had a saying which may be true I've said; "I got left behind in the old year." Born 11:59 December 31 New Year's Eve on minute till midnight. My twin brother was born a few minutes in the new year. I've become the best at everything I've done in my opinion a perfectionist to a point anal some friends now days say. Everything still goes rotten.
One minute I would have been a New Year's Baby. My twin brother David made New Year's baby. Maybe life would have been entirely different if I had not been left behind in the old year cheated out of one minute. I say, "Mom put me behind one minute in life always missing opportunities of anything good in life."
Is there something so out of the ordinary about me that every minute of my life has been continuous chaos traumas violence abuse incest pain sad chain of events? No wander I'm an insomniac too much drama, rapes, incest, violence, trauma, abusive marriages or relationships.
Courts, jails, prisons, probations, wrecks, fines, court cost, DUI traffic schools, counselors, purges and bonds. Children taken violently. Losses of homes, properties and vehicles. Drugs, deaths, alcoholics, cheating, lying, scams, robberies all with malicious intent, assaults, hurricanes, tragedies and anger. WOW I give up there is a really long list of turbulence.
I've written my story many times just for it to end up in trash cans or shredded for shipping. Then floppy disks which go bad unreadable or the computer crashes having to rebuild, rewrite and deal with repeated stories transferred in with wrong programs not compatible with older programs, notepad or wordpad always crashing, always starting over just like life.
Once I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Winchester, KY. When I was young that jail was just a hang out for me. Jail was small and old so was the jailer. Ole' Jim Boyd, the jailer took good care of me. I wrote on Kotex boxes.
Once again I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Fl. Written on whatever scraps of cardboard, toilette paper or Kotex boxes. Another two year stay in jail in Sarasota, Florida I wrote it. Another two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Florida. They need to stop putting trash cans on the outside of jails. Another two year stretch in Orlando, Florida.
I wrote my story again. First I had nothing to write on except court papers they kept giving us. Nothing good comes of anything I do in life no matter how good I am at it. Between some of those stays in the crossbar hotels in the outside world I typed it manually literally on a manual typewriter over and over losing it many times.
Never staying long in one place it's hard to keep anything. I started on the outside free world writing in pencil on tablets I collected up compliments of the county during my two year stay. Later graduated to another manual typewriter then to an electric one and much later computers. All these years I've been writing trying to tell my story.
These days my problem is my books won't keep their format during cut and copy. I've written it many times, but don't keep it published long because it always loses it's formatting. I have to keep starting over. Going by Faith it's someone more powerful spiritual that keeps driving me to keep writing.
And to tell what happened to my two nine year old card playing Hillbilly girl friends, me, mom, my sisters and sisters in Faith. Dueling banjos seemed endlessly echoing throughout the jail. I watched Deliverance it's gross. Hillbillies in the mountains raping fucking city dudes in the ass who wandered into their neck of the mountains forcing them to squeal like pigs.
Exaggerations? Not hardly it's true Hillbillies are nasty violent animals. Makes me have cringing nightmares, horrors of my past knowing that I've lived through that before, but it seems in another life now. None the less I'm proud to be a Hillbilly. Many women in jails/prisons the entire world have horrible heart wrenching nightmare stories of abuse most can't imagine.
What happens to us in life plays a big role on our state of mind then now and later. Abuse and violence play on our minds and hearts making us think this is all life is ever going to bring for us. We sit behind glass while the mayor, government, state, county and city officials walk by us everyday staring at us through glass.
Looking at us with contempt like we're caught animals, criminals, drug addicts, dealers, prostitutes, alcoholics, violent crime offenders. We are creatures society wants to get rid of lock up forever or study and pick our brains to see where the criminal element started, what the fuck ever. Did they find a cure for the criminal element? Which is what they think we are.
They want to pick our brains attempt to rehabilitate those who are rehabilitative. They learn from studying us to find where the criminal minds birth. They make speeches of how they love us and the Lord and oh yeah by the way keep those votes coming. They love money, prestige, pool parties, lies and votes this brings.
We are societies cast outs making them richer more liked more votes for doing society a favor by catching us try to rehabilitate us. Many women die or commit suicide in jails or prisons. Some I had gotten to know over the many years of staying in different county jails/prisons. Many had been to prison many times and are going back to prison.
Or they are taking breaks to take care of older charges then going back to prison. These are prison or jail war stories hid from society. Many of these women are talented artist singers construction workers chefs and cooks. Some owned businesses only for the death drugs to take it all leaving them with no other recourse, but to prefer this life.
They give up after the drugs society men street life family aides alcohol sex abuse and violence have stripped them left them numb not caring what happens. Most is of their own doing yes, but it don't help them become any better of citizen when the system family and men beat them/us down rob and rape them/us along with the system.
I tried escaping dad's fury his disappointment of me being a female whore abandoning the incest of brothers relatives the beatings on all us kids from dad by running away time and again. Going as far as I could start a new life. California sounded good.
We were not aloud to watch TV go to ball games watch movies or go to carnivals. Never hold a deck of cards play with a toy hold a doll read a comic show our necks wrist legs or ankles or do things other children do and crave. The only toy I owned was a doll with no head I kept hid a man in the fire department gave me for Christmas.
My dad made me believe our hands would swell if you held a deck of cards. I had a deck hidden under my mattress for a long time. I wouldn't go near it for the longest. I really believed my hands would swell up. Now days it's habitual to play cards or games on the computer or Internet with people across the world.
If dad knew my oldest sister played Michael Jackson and let us listen we would all have taken a beating! We had a little record player the only 45 record we owned was Michael Jackson. We loved Michael Jackson before he got himself into all the latest trouble he's in these days. I still love you Michael Jackson and ABC I have Faith in you!
Archie's in my eyes and heart were real with their "Aww Sugar Sugar Aww Honey Honey You are My Candy Girl." Later in life I drove everyone in sane in the bars with this song. It was just such a good dancing tune. Monkeys stole my heart then broke my heart splitting up. I had a fan club for each of the Monkeys for all Monkey lovers.
Unpopular girls hung around together. We picked names of the Monkeys we loved the best. I was Davy Jones. Davy was gorgeous, but all of the Monkeys have my heart always. I've been to a lot of the concerts everywhere anytime I hear one of the Monkeys is going to be there.
King of the Road and Hang on Sloopy, Jerry Reed, Jerry Lee Lewis, "Great Balls of Fire," Shirley Temple, Hank Williams Sr., Bobby Bare, Charlie Pride, Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Soggy Bottom Boys, Waylon and Willie, Boxcar Willie, Grand Ole' Opry. All these have been here and are here to stay legends. Oh and Three Stooges.
Comic books, Sunday comics, theaters, drive in movies, ball games, dances, gym classes, music, movies, cards, television, radio or whatever dad considered entertainment or material was taking our minds away from God. These things are of the devil, dad believed. We were severely beaten for doing anything or saying anything concerning any of these subjects.
God forbid me show my ankles wrist or neck a small kid a preacher's daughter marked for life! Ripping the hems from my dresses wasn't cool dad. I wanted to go far away. California sounded good to me. I didn't know on foot it would take so long to get to California. I also didn't know hopping in box cars don't work they don't go anywhere.
I never got to California by the way. The only thing always running away accomplished was a life on the streets or highways getting raped with guns, knives, violence, drugs, alcohol, sex and men. Men were always pulling knives or guns to my head or neck.
If I had known what was out there in the world it would not have mattered. Home was NOT where any heart was. Highways and streets were better than a life of beatings, rapes, incest, being thrown against walls for being female whores. Wait what? Where was the difference? A child should I stay home or run? I always chose running.
It's not like the kids today we spoil with expensive clothing these days are into HOT TOPICS, expensive games, VCRs, DVDs, computers, drugs, alcohol, sex, tons of food, personal items etc...even if we do without they still complain wanting more. Bored no matter how much you buy to entertain them with.
Highways streets the concrete itself loved me when no one else would. Alone even on rainy, stormy, snowing or scorching sun I was happier there than anywhere because it was freedom. I was most happiest when I could climb the Appalachia mountains in Kentucky and sit there alone with animals and mother nature long as I wanted. Write in the dirt what was happening.
I can't find my way back to those mountains. I was supposed to be left some of that mountain, but when I told on everyone for being perverts I lost that. I was no longer considered family to be left anything. Kiss My Ass! Fuck their perverted asses.
Still a child I was always found by the law at their mercy bound by laws returned to dad each time who beat me for running away time and again. I felt loved wanted by the streets and highways I thought concrete was the best friend I've ever found. Snow rain or heat I would always return there.
Hitchhiking or walking far as I could from state to state amazed at how far I'd get turn around and go back the other way or any way not caring where it would lead or take me to. I loved my freedom. I never thought about proverbial straws my proverbial camel was collecting till a perverted killer rapist monster outside my family added horror in my life.
I don't know where I got this camel with the strong back carrying straws for me that would multiply over the years. Hope that Camel plans for a long haul and lots of straws. I have a feeling he's going all the way with me till the end when that last straw will be the last straw that breaks my faithful camel's back. Good thing proverbial camels are free.
Dad bought acreage in the back woods of Spencer, Indiana wanting to get mom and me away from neighbors city and men. We were whores remember? Miles away from anyone or anything. He didn't care if we had water food clothes or made it to school. He was then a fireman working in Indianapolis, Indiana still preaching too.
I rarely saw humans aside from mom and my brothers unless we went to school which was rare. Two nine year old hillbilly girls my age on the bus actually likes me and plays cards with me and gets into trouble with me everyday over it with the bus driver. I wish I knew their families so I could tell them the story that I was the one who survived this tragedy.
I loved those two girls. Sleep with the angels I'll be there with you soon. Me nor my brothers and sisters go to school often because dad drags us to different counties and states to preach and do his famous Indian dance. Me and Daniel a younger brother daily took jugs walking miles to get mountain water.
I talked Daniel into running away with me going to grandma's in Kentucky. Grandma called them and snitched us out. They assumed Daniel talked me into running away and blamed it on Daniel so I let him take the blame and the beating that came with it. I have no good excuse okay?
Dad and my older brothers were running a big machine called a bush hog trying to mow down the endless fields of brush. That machine looked huge to a tiny girl not much older than nine or ten. Many years while growing up I loved working with and for dad. I helped him build that three story house us kids grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, Spencer Ave.
I worked with him on his company "Dependable Fire Extinguisher and Equipment Company. I don't know why he hated me cept he thinks I'm a whore. Before sunrise this day I wanted to make dad be proud of me maybe like me. I got on that big bush hog taking down as much of that field as I could to impress dad thinking this should get dad to like me.
I stopped taking a break watching the pigs/hogs and horses breed thinking humans wasn't much better than cruel animals taking whatever they want from the opposite sex whether they want it or not. My thoughts were interrupted by a strange man stopping to ask me where the McIntosh's lived. I thought it was very strange where did a human come from way out here?
Where are these people he says live out here? How and why would a man get lost all the way in the mountains back woods of Indiana? I told him we had not lived here long people were far away we don't know anyone yet. He asked where my mom dad or family was.
Not knowing what he was leading up to I told him dad was in Indianapolis working, mom and my brothers were still asleep. I watched him walk back to his car and get in. I turned for a moment continuing my break watching the animals thinking of the endless fields of bushes and brush not knowing this man had other plans.
Seemed only a minute his hands covered my mouth he was hurting me he had a gun to my head forcing me into his car making me lie down so no one would see me. It was all happening so quick! How had he returned so fast? I was allowed to get up he grabbed me violently forcing me with the gun to my head with hands full of my hair in his other hand.
He drove for awhile with the gun and steering wheel in one hand a handful of my hair in his other hand. I was scared out of my brains! We stopped climbed over barbed wire fences to a path going back into the woods going further into the privacy of the woods there was a large area had been mowed. Like this was planned or happened before.
How many other little girls had he taken here? How many more was he going to take here? We got where he wanted to stop a large area also mowed down I was scared couldn't stop screaming and crying which only made him mad. He pulled out his penis. With the gun in one hand a handful of my hair in the other he kept forcing my mouth to his penis.
I clamped my mouth shut I thought my teeth were breaking. I was cutting my lips hurting my mouth trying to keep this thing from going into my mouth. The more I screamed and cried the harder he hit me with the gun. By the time his semen squirted all over my face my clothes had been torn to shreds.
I was naked and badly beaten my body had cuts and bruises, but somehow I was lose. I don't know how, but I was lose. Shaking falling crying screaming in hysterics. I ran barefoot naked in creeks and fields cutting my feet and body as I fell. Running screaming crying not knowing how far I had gone or where I was at. I saw a big house on a hill I ran to the house.
A nice lady with a horrified look on her face answered the door and wrapped me in a blanket. The sheriff told her not to feed me or give me anything to drink and not to clean me up till after they got there. They took pictures and scraped stuff off my body. Then took samples from my vagina, my mouth and took blood.
Exactly who was going to be on trial? Me or the man who did this? Was I being tortured and raped then or now? I was more scared of what them and dad would do to me. I returned home the law left dad beat me accusing me of being a whore enticing the man. I was eight or nine I didn't know what enticing nor whore even meant.
I was wearing a huge dirty T-shirt which belonged to one of my brothers and a huge ugly purple skirt that belonged to my mom. I was bush hogging down a field how was this enticing him? Someone should explain to a nine year old what enticing and whore means. This day I was riding the bus with my girlfriends. We get off to walk a long ways to our houses.
That man was waiting! He took me and my two girlfriends to that same wooded place over the torn down barbed wire fence through the first mowed area further into the woods to that same mowed wooded area he took me to. I watched him violently beat, rape and shoot my first friend. While he was beating and raping her sister I got away.
I knew which direction to go this time to get to that house on the hill. Next day I went to identify the man they believe done this. I walked in I saw him fear ran through me. They knew when I ran this was the man. This man took three little girls when we stepped off of the school bus he violently beat, raped and killed them.
THIS WILL HURT AND EFFECT ME ALL MY LIFE! We played cards on the bus everyday and our hands didn't swell up. I looked at their hands before I touched the cards. They said; "They have been playing cards for a long time" they were good at it too. We played poker spades and hearts you name the game these two girls knew how to play it.
They said; "Their hands never swelled up." I started playing with them everyday. We had no other way out here in no where land to entertain ourselves. Those trips to school with my two girlfriends was the only excitement any of us had. It was against the rules to play cards on the bus or on school grounds this was our way of rebelling.
These girls would tell them to kiss their ass. They wasn't preacher's daughters huh? I didn't care they were a lot of fun to be around. I thought their card playing cursing asses was no reflection on me. I scraped my initials on his gun for evidence identifying the gun.
Mom and dad said; "That man only got two years ran out of the state he was free again." This was the story I was told. Dad said; "This was all my fault because I was inticing the man." I guess According to my ass hole dad I should name my story; "I was a nine year old Hillbilly whore."
There is no justice in life I learned it early in life. Not even the system is what it should be or was meant to be once upon a time. The system then and now SUCKS! What is this life I've been given? I never went to school much what with dad being a preacher drug from state to state town to town preaching the word of GOD. How could he believe all he preached?
He's a lying ass child abusing hypocrite. It wasn't the work of God he was lying about, it was we knew that he knew what went on in our home. He did not live what he preached. I was the only one out of eleven children who listened not to him to the word of GOD mesmerized by what he was saying. I HEARD! God's seed was planted.
It was hard not to listen. Dad danced around like an Indian holding his hands on one ear or the other. Jumping through and around the audience or congregation like he was doing an Indian dance. For awhile on one foot then the other, one ear then the other. And in between each sentence was some kind of sound that sounded like a loud HUH.
Then on with the story he would go screaming the entire sermon. That amazed me in itself by how long dad could dance around like that. Other kids, my brothers, sisters and were scared to death of the dancing and screaming involved in these gatherings.
My brothers, sisters and me were forced to embarrass ourselves in front of congregations to show everyone how we had no talents and we were totally useless in this area, we were the worse, but we would wing it and stick a kazoo in our mouth.
We pretended to be keeping up with this little stupid thing dad made us blow in. It made stupid sounds that wasn't even music it was similar to a party favor noise maker. We should have been holding signs saying; "We hate our parents." Dad played an electric guitar mom played an electric accordion and sang.
Silliest thing my mom had a harmonica strapped around her neck she played it at the same time while playing the accordion and singing it was amazing. Mom, dad, Carolyn my oldest sister and my oldest brother Herbert Jr. could sing and play any instrument you put in their hands without any lessons. Carolyn could sing and play any instrument like my mom and dad.
Herbert Jr. could sing like Johnny Cash. From Johnny on down 6 kids had zilch talent. We ALL hated going to church including mom. Add Johnny Cash to the list of singers we liked as children. He was my hero of singers! Your always first in my heart Hank Williams Jr.
Your my idea of a heart throb, your every woman's dream man and my ideal of what our child hood love should be. Hank Williams Jr. you make my hands shake and my heart beat too fast! Your my ideal of a perfect man! I know of your scars in life, hurts and heartbreaks. I've followed your life since your daddy was young when Waylon and Willie was young.
Many years later I did get to see Hank Williams I was pushed down by huge women while I pushing my way to the stage to throw a western shirt I bought for Hank Williams. My entire family sang and played instruments country or gospel music. By entire family I mean uncles cousins aunts etc...I play a pretty good kazoo.
Country singers we all go way back all you country stars and singers. I know your daddies and mommas. Dolly you always make me smile when I think of you and your music. We grew up together Dolly. And Loretta Lynn I loved you song; "If ya don't wanna go to fist city." Stevie Nicks I'm not gay and would never, but you I would seriously have to think about.
I still listen to Hank and Johnny's songs to this day I'm 60 now revising my story. Hillbillies by nature don't know grammar or punctuation. I didn't know at the time through the horror dad put us through screaming and dancing like an Indian that the seed had been planted.
No matter what kind of person was preaching what he did not live by what in his mind was living by I believed what he was saying about this man called Jesus the seed was planted." I watched my brothers for many years take my little girlfriends to abandoned cars in fields raping them taking what they wanted. I was desperately wanting to get away.
I wanted to escape and find a better way to live. I wore clothes of my mothers which had safety pins holding everything together around me. I was embarrassed to change in gym classes my panties were being held together with safety pins. We wasn't in school much and we were poor. I was always bruised from beatings.
Not going to anything with other children because we were never allowed to go to anything at school made other kids hate me, hit me, throw things at me, make fun of me, call me names, draw ugly pictures of me with ugly names below it wad them up throw them at me, push me up against walls once breaking a watch a teacher gave me.
Kids yelled at me from the bus so many so loud I rarely had the heart to get on the bus I usually hung my head and walked all the way it was a long way. The girls in the gym classes made fun of me for having a bra with so many safety pins and panties with safety pins to hold them up. I swore if I ever had children they would always have new underwear and clothes.
Girls especially are mean. They were spying on me taking a shit. Laughing make fun of the way I was taking a shit and wiping my ass. One of them had their finger in the space where the hinges are when I opened the door I broke her fingers, oops.
These days the more safety pins on your clothing the cooler you are so why was I made fun of back then if it was going to become fashionable one day? These days safety pins little hands cuffs and chains are the thing it's called Hot Topics or Frederick's of Hollywood or Victoria Secret.
I would never say no to my kids in stores nor I would never buy myself something to drink if they didn't have one I never eat anything buy myself food or snacks unless my children had them first. I would not let the kids on the bus see me cry they didn't deserve to see this emotion giving them the feeling of victory I walked to school every day.
I didn't have the heart to get on the bus. All the kids screamed at me called me nasty stupid names no way I was getting on that bus. The driver sometimes wouldn't let me on and kids are truly mean. Many times the janitor's wife gave me pretty dresses and clothes I knew dad would tear them saying, "I can't show my ankles legs arms and neck."
I could never wear anything pretty like other kids. I saw my mom doing ironing for neighbors, cleaning homes, repairing TVs and radios in our home and doing laundry for people to buy clothes pretty dresses from the neighbors. They had more money than us and bought their daughters new dresses and only let them wear them once.
I saw them ahead of time before while hanging in the neighbor's house thinking they were for me. I guess that's what I get for thinking only of me being greedy they were for my sister Darlene. Never for me. Dad was buying shoes for everyone I asked him to buy me a pair they were only $1.00. He told me I could go work for them get them myself.
I swore from that day I would never ask no one if life for a hand out. I would never do what a lot of people do today called panhandling. I would never ask no one for nothing the rest of my life I vowed to work earn whatever I get in life. I would never ask dad or mom I wanted nothing from them anymore.
Mom used to send me to McDonalds when it first came out everyday to get her a soda and burgers. She wanted the soda to arrive fresh a certain amount of ice in it the burgers had special orders too. If we needed bread or anything I had to go the store to get it. She would send me to the store everyday to get her Pay-Day candy bars and boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Or bags of assorted different candy and we never got to have any of that. One day I was pissed about always going to the store for her never getting nothing for doing it. I bought myself with the change a bag of paraffin and went across the street to share it with the little boy across the street and got in big trouble by his mom for it.
It got blew up that I stole my moms change and tried to hurt that little boy with paraffin. I didn't know curse words yet I do now and that was fucked up! That nasty neighbor girl Sherry always wore pretty dresses everyday brought her huge collection of Barbie dolls over. I had to watch her set them all up houses furniture and all.
I was to watch her dress and undress them and play with them. I was never allowed to touch or play with them just watch. I always had a stupid crooked grin on my face thinking how much of a selfish dork she was. Wishing she would take her stupid dolls and go home.
I told her one day; "I don't want to play with you anymore this isn't sharing nor is it playing with you take your Barbie shit house and all go home." I swore then when I grow up no kid will do without a toy that I know about and they haven't. No wander there is that saying, "Preacher's children are the worse especially a preacher's daughter."
My twin brother, David and I were the middle children. I gave the bus and kids another chance, but kids and adults are cruel cold hearted I wanted to get the fuck out of home and school. Fourth grade I was fed up with life mom dad people relatives kids and school. The bus stopped in front of the school.
I walked to the other side of the bus and walked right off and returned to the highways. Where I felt love, security, freedom and happiness more than any place on earth. When I got to the highways I drew a deep breath while crying to myself I said; "I'm home." I went to my oldest brother Herbert Jr. in Ohio this was a huge mistake.
Both older brothers Herbert Jr. and John were there. They took me to the bedroom I remember screaming kicking crying while John held me down. Herbert Jr. on top of me with his penis out my clothes ripped off. I kicked screamed so hard thank God they got mad gave up took me to grandma Martin's house in Kentucky.
Grandma Martin was my only safe haven in life. Above all people I loved grandma Martin, but she always made me go home. I'll always run away. I became a great thief hanging with pros no one could ever see my slick hands take anything slicker than everyone else. Later in life there were larger scams made the front pages our gangs were responsible for.
Headlines were; "Barnett Boogies," "Bud Heighst," "Waterford Crystal to go," "Nurseries emptied" and "$9,000.00 fireworks gone disappeared!" There are slicker thieves out here today most of them are called crack or rock heads.
Our entire family was gathered for my other grandmother's funeral. Three of my aunts and grandma told me to go steal them all an outfit so I did. They loved their outfits. Everyone was trying them on then I over heard them talking of how bad I turned out. They told me to steal they were trying it all on loving how it all looked. In the same breath how bad I was.
I walked out the back door swore I would never see any of them again. I didn't and haven't. I hitched back to mom and dad. What a mistake again. I ran away many times the law found me and my soon to be sister in law and best friend, Eva in Chicago. Two men followed her and I as we walked down the street. We thought they would hurt us, but it was the law.
We were too young to wander streets late and alone. They took us to the police station. Mom and dad said; "We want our daughter in law, but you can keep Mary. She's ungovernable always running away let her go or keep her. I went home again.
I thought I was in love with Bobby, the son of people who owned a country church in Spencer, Indiana where my dad was preaching. I owned a huge double cymbal tambourine. I loved this nice tambourine. It had a key to keep all the hardware tightened or tuned with and tight, pretty new skin.
Dad bought it for me, but never let me play it the way I wanted I was good at playing it. I could make that thing sing. Most of the churches dad preached in were black I was raised in black churches. This is maybe why I have high opinions of black people. Good people!
For many years I jammed out with the churches bands drummers singers when the entire church sang together or when dad, mom, Carolyn Herbert Jr., Johnny or David was singing. Dad hated the way I played it. I was a perfectionist it sounded good to everyone else. I loved playing that thing.
I donated it to this church it was too boring the way he wanted me to play he refused to let me play it better so it was of no use to me. He was mad I put him on the spot in front of them by donating it to them. These people killed their own hogs and cattle. They had a breakfast lunch and dinner every Sunday. Bobby their son was having sex with his cousin.
He had a hook on one arm. He was shot in a war. His arm saved the bullet from going to his heart. I was determined to get him away from his cousin have him for myself. Not knowing this would add more straws on my camel's back. I was dating his best friend Rick. If that was what you would call dating.
I was going to marry him when he returned from the service, but I wanted Bobby. Mom and dad agreed on me staying home if I dated Rick. They liked Rick. They wouldn't if they knew what I learned later. Rick went to the army. He wrote quite often, but I never answered him. I wasn't interested in him.
I spent the night with Bobby in a funeral home where him and Rick lives. There was a huge party happening downstairs. Johnny, my next older brother, the one involved in raping my baby sister and trying to rape me many times, married my best friend Eva.
They were there along with a lot of big men who were huffing paint from bags, taking drugs, drinking alcohol and beer. Bobby was in the kitchen drinking beer with his cousin. I was told by Bobby do not participate yet he could and everyone else could.
Johnny and Eva snuck out to call the law and snitched on everyone wanting the law to interfere before I got caught up in all this. The law hauled them all out. Bobby and I were upstairs on the fourth floor in an old funeral home he lived in. We did not have sex nor even kiss.
We read Superman comic books all night. Still a kid comic books was an amazing new and awesome thing. Don't you wish kids these days were so easily amused and made happy? Those huge alcoholic paint huffing guys got out of jail the next day. I watched them break every rib maybe a few other bones in my brother's body.
I watched them beat the holy shit out of Johnny. I was crying, but my thoughts were; "It was wrong he snitched and wrong what he did to my baby sister, me and my little friends so I felt he deserved it." Rick was back from service now and fucking a friend of Bobby's.
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and those big guys tied me up, beat me then poured beer, alcohol, mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, eggs and everything in the refrigerator or cabinet all over me then took me down town and tied me to a light post and left me. Some time later the law untied me took and me back to Bobby. He let his friends beat me all the time.
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and their friends were all partying he told everyone to throw watermelons and rinds at me. That caused a lot of bruises all over me. He hit me a lot with that hook on his arm. We had not had sex yet dad accused us of having sex. He said; "I was a tramp a whore worth nothing used damaged." Being a preacher he could legally marry us.
Dad got out his double barrel shot gun and we had a real double barrel shot gun wedding. I lived with Bobby and his friends beating me, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, huffing paint and him having sex with his cousin. They all treated me bad. He would get mad if I asked for something to eat. We went to a store he bought some food.
He was eating those little precooked sausages. When I asked for one he said; "Hell no I gotta feed you too what the fuck?" I didn't understand nor was educated or experienced at what Bobby wanted. If I did maybe he would stop mistreating me, maybe he would love me. I couldn't figure this sex thing out.
Rick's girlie friend tried to explain it to me so Bobby could have sex with me. I didn't know nor understand none of this nor did I want any part of it all. She kept saying, "I needed to lay underneath of Bobby and let him do what he needs to do to me and wiggle like crazy."
Well hell for the life of me I couldn't picture this! Why would I let a heavy man lay on top of me? Why would I want to wiggle under him? Hmm just couldn't picture it happening. Tired of this I went to my old love the highways. Bobby saw me on the highway he pulled next to me then followed me for awhile trying to talk me into getting into his car.
I was crying and pissed off. He had just let a bunch of his friends throw watermelon rinds at me again then tried to drown me. Strangers pulled over I jumped in to get a ride out of there back to mom and dad. They said; "I could not stay I was used and damaged." I hitchhiked to my oldest sister Carolyn in Ohio where she now lived and owned a small restaurant.
I had periods now no one ever taught me how to take care of this new problem. By the time I got to my sister's house the crotch of my cut off jean shorts were rotten. I didn't know what was wrong. I freaked out thought I was hurt inside. I didn't know what to do about this new horrible problem. She would not loan me anything to wear.
She said; "I had to earn it working in their restaurant still wearing those shorts." I asked if I could cook myself a hamburger. She said; "After a couple more hours of work I had not earned anything yet." She finally told me I could. I was starving didn't know when I had ate last. Must have been at least a couple of months or so.
Bobby would get irate sometimes hit me with the hook if I asked for something to eat or mentioned I was hungry. He said; "He was not going to support me." While cooking my hamburger I over heard Carolyn talking to her husband saying, "She has a lot nerve coming here asking for food and clothes."
I left the burger on the grill my oldest friend was waiting out the back door. I was happy to be with my love again the highways, concrete, air, open space, freedom, no humans and loved. Never caring all those years whether it stormed or knee deep in snow.
I was free, loved, wanted, welcomed secured by the fact the highway's pavement would not take from me, won't hurt me, won't lie to me, won't yell at me, don't beat on me it truly loves me AND let's ME walk on it! The pavement never complained about the snow or rain why should I?
The only times I was happy were walking down highways never caring where or how far they took me. Most times I would never accept rides. Every time I did it would turn into violence some way or another. Couldn't seem to ever get back to my mountains paths this concrete path was all I had. I cried more tears than the storms. My mountains turned into concrete!
Felt good mixing rain or snow with tears. Still in the same cut off shorts an Italian man offered me a ride. All I had been through in life could anything happen to me that had not already been done? I thought this man had fallen in love with me. I was still young, still pretty and still a virgin.
He bought me a back pack, three pair of jeans, three panties, three shirts, shoes, socks, a kitten and a hotel room for three days. Still young and dumb I thought I would get some sleep. Cheap price to pay for what he got! He took me to a meeting he was bragging showing me off. I thought he would be my new husband, lover would be ok.
In that cheap hotel room a few miles from my older sister Carolyn's place with a complete stranger for the price of clean clothing, something to eat and a little attention I lost what later in life I learned you could never get back. What everyone knows is truly something worth more than money could have paid for, my virginity and dignity!
I thought I was going to finally get to sleep though I was feeling totally violated and was loosing all self respect and esteem if there was any left and hiding, holding tears while in severe pain. Being tossed around like a rag violated over and over. What the fuck just happened?! I held my own through it all.
I should have been thankful there was a shower, towels, clean clothes to put on instead of dwelling on what he took from me he did give me clothing, something to eat and my life. Which was no longer worth anything after that first guy who killed my nine year old card playing hillbilly girlfriends I played cards with now this.
I didn't know I was trading my virginity for food, clothes and a place to clean up after it's all over. I guess in his mind I was a whore he paid in advance. This is the story I have to tell for the rest of my life? When women are talking about sexual things the subject comes up of who took your virginity. I'm just going to say, "He was an Italian man."
It last for three days then after the pain and blood, three days later he left promising to return. Oh don't be calling me dumb naive or blonde I was still just a kid. I was raised in a Pentecostal environment and knew nothing. I didn't know nor would I have thought and still think that people don't lie or steal.
I still to this day get taken advantage of, scammed and robbed. Yeah and this book will be finished and have a happy ending before I'm too old right? I never would have thought this man would've treated me so violent, rough, cold and uncaring. I was kicked out of the hotel.
I sat outside with my kitten, new clothes and back pack for three days waiting for his promise of returning I believed him. The owners of the hotel had to keep running me off from the front lawn. I had no where to go. No money and no survival instincts outside of my mountain upbringing mostly highways was all I knew.
In the mountains back woods I could hunt fish get weeds berries nuts water squeeze water drops from moss pot. I went back to my only love again the highways. Hitching down the road a few miles some gorgeous long blonde haired guy yelled from across the road. I saw him from a distance a little while ago he was gorgeous. He said; "Hey cutie want to party?"
He was yelling across the road to me! Wow the cutest guy in that group called me cutie! I didn't know what a party was yet, but what other plans did I have? Maybe he would give me a place to sleep and something to eat. WRONG! He introduced me to my first joint and first beer. A wide mouth Sterling. Drunk and stoned he took me to his car.
I thought oh well it's a place to sleep. A couple of days after having sex drinking beer and smoking pot he said; "I could not stay." He lived with his mother. He got what he wanted and was through with me. My only love the faithful concrete highways wasn't far. I went back to mom and dad which was always a mistake. They were living in Indianapolis, Indiana again.
Dad said; "I was nothing more than a whore and drug addict." He put me in a juvenile center. When I got out stupid me went back to mom and dad. They let me stay, but set me up for a fall. Dad introduced me to a man who asked if a friend and him could come over that night.
The gorgeous blonde from before gave me a joint a roach no bigger than the end of my little fingernail. When they got there the guy I was supposed to date asked me if I had any pot. I said; "Yes is this pot?" I handed him the roach.
He asked me if he gave me $50.00 would I give him a blow job. I didn't know what a blow job was so I said; "Yes show me what it is." He pulled out his penis then put it back in his pants handcuffed me they arrested me for drugs and prostitution.
I was not of age in an adult jail. Dad told me earlier I would get into trouble that night if I didn't go to church with them. Six months later I wasn't going home again. I headed to the highways. It was always a lost cause trying to get them to love me. I couldn't even ask them for food.
When all of us kids were at home sitting down to eat mom and or dad would hit me in the back of my head continuously the entire time I was trying to eat. Making me cry gag sometimes throw up. David took food from my plate when they were not looking that I couldn't eat. Meals were a nightmare. Not knowing Bobby had our marriage annulled.
I was going back to see if he wanted me. He never wanted me to begin with. I went to a bus station to rest and get a ticket to Spencer, Ind. A man came up to me said; "He had been following me watching out for me for awhile." He told me he knew everything about me, my older sister, Carolyn and her adventures in prison.
He knew about my husband and some of what happened to me, my brothers and sisters and about my parents. He got my trust and told me he would drive me to my husband I believed him. I cashed in my ticket to take a ride with a stranger. On the way he kept talking about my family all the while giving me a pill saying, "It would calm me down." I wasn't not calm.
I kept putting them to the side in my mouth and spitting them out. He kept forcing me to keep taking them. They dissolved enough to effect me. I remember a field, barbed wire fence, a gun and a lot of pain, but I couldn't move. When was I going to learn not to trust people? Not till I'm way older? I'm still learning this now by gosh!
I remember being thrown out of the car my clothes were torn and bloody. I remember my mother in law and a sheriff. She said; "I was a tramp used merchandise her son did not deserve to have me in his life." She told Bobby to get me out of her house and off her property.
This preacher lady isn't going to be in MY Heaven. Bobby came to get me. Him and his friends again tied me up, beat me, poured everything in the kitchen on me, took me back down town and again tied me up to a light pole. When I was let loose I found my way back to Bobby's house. I was sitting on Bobby's porch talking with an old neighbor man.
He kept trying to get me to have sex with him telling me Bobby didn't deserve me. Looking in the window from the porch I waited till Bobby was through having sex with his cousin. I interrupted quite a party. Rick, Bobby and their girlfriends were having sex and doing cocaine.
I didn't know what cocaine, drugs or alcohol was yet, but I do now and that is what they were doing. I left couldn't take all this again and tolerate this old man that just wouldn't take back off for an answer. If your wandering about cleanliness through all this there are hotels, truck stops, restaurants, gas stations and many uses for soap.
I tried going home to see if mom and dad would except me of course they didn't. My twin brother, David is a minute or two into the New Year's older than me. He said; "I could stay with his girlfriend." We went there she said; "No." I was alone I could get peaceful sleep in the snow under a park table. David found me. He was worried I wasn't eating.
Mom must have had some kind of pity or compassion for me or David took it all. He said; "Mom sent some chicken and soup beans so I could eat." I was freezing, but the food was so good. Not knowing what to do I went to Kentucky to see if grandma would let me stay. I got to her house where I remember growing up off and on and was happy to see this house again.
Neighbors told me my aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa and cousins moved to Florida. They did know where one of my aunts was living that stayed so I went there. My uncle, Roy said; "If I had sex with him he was going to Florida and would take me to grandma." I didn't have any choice and didn't know what he was asking was wrong nor what he was asking for.
I was giving him what was more important than a place to sleep or something eat. He took me to his car my aunt his wife knowing nothing of this he raped me then drove me down town and told me to get out. Disgusted with myself and the shame and not knowing what to do I hitchhiked back to mom and dads. A heart break always.
I knew I could never get my dad to like me, but I still kept trying. Neighbors told me they also moved to Florida. What am I going to do now? It had always been days since I ate or slept. My kitten and clothes ditched long ago. I thought I know the alleys and streets of Winchester, Kentucky. I could hitchhike there sleep there. Thus, Dad's footsteps.
Jeanie her sister, Cindy and Barbara had homes with Christian parents and children. They preferred living in streets partying drinking doing drugs fucking and sucking men. We went to a hotel with a lot of men who had hard core drugs.
I thought they were making fun of me by giving me a flat brown pill called Chocolate Mescaline along with four little white pills with white crosses on them called White Crosses. What a trip that night! Everyone was paired off. I was with a gorgeous blonde. Built like a football player quarterback. I sat on his lap felt his huge dick thinking to myself no way!
I've got to find a way out of this. Four officers pounded on the door. We jumped out the back window and escaped then went to one of the guy's house. The guys were messing with me after learning it was my first trip. They were standing in front of a large black wall hanging with what I know now to be the Grim Reaper.
They were pretending to be so thirsty pretending they were drinking imaginary drinks. It took a few minutes to realize I wasn't dehydrated. Took me most of the night to find my way out of their house. I opened one door Jeanie was having sex with one of the guys opening another door Cindy was having sex with another one opening another door Barbara was having sex.
Another door was their bathroom. In the mirror my face was melting! Took hours trying to put my face back together get it to quit melting. Flowers designs has to quit swirling before I try to get out again. I tried to get out again, but made it outside this time. I was walking around the same city block for hours finding myself back at the same house.
I finally went the right direction after the hallucinations eased up. I knew all the houses even the one I just came out of was looking very familiar. I was walking in circles around a city block. I didn't really know city blocks end up in the same spot if you walk around and around all night. I had never knew there was a difference in a country block and city block.
I found Lexington Avenue and I decided it was best if I go straight except each step I took felt as though I was breaking the concrete my feet were slamming down so hard. Everything was so weird and intense. I was trying to get to my new job as a waitress in a restaurant. I made it there, but they told me I wasn't scheduled for 10 more hours.
Incoherent I walked back down the road in hopes to find the new apartment I just rented. Jeanie Brenda Cindy and those men had been there partying and knocked holes in my walls tore the apartment up. The landlord kicked me out without getting to see my new apartment. She kept all my belongings which wasn't much mostly clothes for the damage.
I made it back to work, but my new friends kept showing up wanting my tip money. I kept giving it to them. A few days of this I was fired. They kept hanging out wanting my money. Well now what the fuck do I do? Many years I hung on the streets with these girls. They introduced me to every kind of alcohol and drugs.
Speed, White Crosses, Black Beauties, the real thing folks not mag scripts, Yellow Jackets, 357 Magnums, Meth, Cocaine, Pot, Chocolate Mescaline, Orange Barrel, Purple Haze, LSD, Yellow Sunshine, Elephant Tranquilizers, Horse Tranquilizers, MDA, Microdots, Percacets, Percadans, Darvons, Darvecets, Lemon 14'

Chapter1 (v.1) - Three Nine Year Old Card Playing Hillbilly Girls Were Beat and Raped, Two Were Shot!

Author Chapter Note

Three nine year old card playing hillbilly girls were beat and raped, two were shot. They are two reasons I continue writing. Incest was reality in the Appalachia's mountain families. Four children were stolen. One by my parents. My uncle raped me he is possible father. One baby was stolen by a biker gang. Two stolen while in a coma for nine months. I left home in fourth grade and never saw my brothers or sisters. Most my life was spent on highways getting raped with knives and guns. My dad, a Pentecost Preacher went into the New Mexico court house and blew his head off. My oldest sister was dismembered in a semi wreck, a little boy in her arms. I hitchhiked across the states and rode with biker gangs. Several pregnancies I lived in snow under picnic tables. I married a war hero with a prosthetic arm he beat me with and tied me to a light post and left me. I bought houses and property I abandoned to run from violence. I married a gun toting wannabe Clint Eastwood who splattered my blood over walls of our home and hunted me like an animal. I left Appalachia's mountains in Kentucky, my friends and childhood love without telling anyone. I married three violent men. The abuse lasted 14 years each. I spent many years hitchhiking in snow searching for my kids. Drug dealing was a means to survive. I had hundreds of felonies from arson to terrorist acts and hundreds of DUIs. It's the ole' saying, "Wrong people, wrong places." I was blessed with a Governor's pardon. Between jobs as manager/cook trainer I was a strip dancer at clubs in different states to survive after being destroyed by husbands. Stage name was "Vegas." I have two dice tattooed on my butt cheeks. I had many breaks downs and heart attacks, a 16,000 pound building crushed my body, MRSA seven inches long, two inches wide, five inches deep. My daughter became an armed bank robber with Jesse James. I paid my debt to society, lived a productive life. I trained managers/cooks for 38 years and maintained second jobs as a cook/construction or landscaping. I have 4 years college. Majored in Secretarial Science, but was pregnant two times and didn't get a degree. I maintained jobs and kept writing through homelessness and violence. My obedience to God to write and work for Him prayerfully will help others. Parents be aware of where your children are at all times. Women recognize a scammer before destruction. AND children run from strangers immediately. Women stay alone, it's cheaper, safer, disease, stress and hurt free. My story helps hard core Bible thumpers understand they can not promise God gives material riches. The riches He gives are Eternal Bass fishing, speaking in tongues, slaying spirits, praying, prophets and delivering a good sermon. Not handing out homes, vehicles or money and He don't stop rapes or murders. These are Lucifer's times. Put that in your sermons, Billy Graham, Joel Olsteen and TV preachers who promise God gives material riches. My dad was paralyzed. We wrote to Billy Graham to ask for prayer. He wrote back saying, "$500.00 he will pray." In Facebook Fox news was interviewing Billy Graham. Our hearts are God's eyes. I told this story his peeps denied it. My dad delivered a good sermon. Sleep with the Angles, John W. Cross was a God fearing awesome preacher. He was black. I lived with and loved his family. Roads not to go down. Easy St. exist I saw it in Dade City and Orlando, Florida. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you were the past brought you to today. Is this supposed to be an essay on bragging rights on life accomplishments? Well, I won six turkeys, nine trophies fighting cocks, ten cakes and caught nine Bass over ten pounds. These days all I own are bragging rights to fish stories and jaded memories. My dream is to fish forever and have a home, but I'll settle for a cake. I'm not a professional writer, but I've been writing every day since nine. "APPALACHIAN INBRED HILLBILLY!"

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: June 02, 2017

Reads: 8

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Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: June 02, 2017

A A A

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 Chapter One
*Dueling banjos?! Listening from inside my window Deliverance famous for the Dueling banjos otherwise known as "The Feudin Banjos" in the movie "Deliverance" is playing on television. It's loud echoing throughout the cells. Everything echoes in prisons and jails. I hate that movie it's gross, but true. I love banjo playing always have. Wish they didn't put it in such a sick movie.
"The Feudin Banjos" was composed the year I was born, 1955. Arthur Smith first recorded it playing a four string banjo accompanied by Don Reno on a five string banjo. In 1963 it was first aired on the Andy Griffith show it was called; "Briscoe Declares for Aunt Bee." I remember them as the "Darling Family." Which was played by a Bluegrass group, "The Dillards."
City Folk coming into the mountains making fun of us Hillbillies. Genetic deficiencies, incest is true. Fucking animals is true too, but your not going to make out of the mountains. If you do your never the same. Hillbillies can clean their stupid asses like they do all animals. Skin them, quarter them out and barbeque them after they fuck the hell out of them. 
It's also true Hillbillies are partial to pig squealing. Yes we are born of incest, but that is not for anyone, but God to judge. Most Hillbillies can play any instrument you put in their hands by nature without any lessons. Most Hillbillies carry a guitar or banjos everywhere. 
I'll admit Hillbillies do fuck anything with a hole men, women, children or animals, but so do city men, preachers, men in suits or regular clothes. I know this to be a fact because I grew up with this sick shit. Not all Hillbillies are overall wearing banjo pickers. Many have city jeans, white shirts and claim to be preachers. 
We lived in the mountains think about it we don't have much of what city people would call clothes. We wrapped or tied anything we could find around our naked asses. Potato sacks work good. That movie triggers sick disturbing sad thoughts memories from the back woods hills mountains of Kentucky. 
Hillbillies have huge families all blood kin in hollers, backwoods mountain people. The music and song was used in "Deliverance" without Smith's permission which resulted in a successful lawsuit. Billy Reddin who was depicting the mentally challenged inbred could not actually play the banjo.
Most real Hillbillies can. Mike Addis was actually the hands on the neck of the banjo. Those city folk got what they deserved coming into the mountains making fun of Hillbillies. These scenes were depicted to be the mountains of the Appalachians, but it's the same in all backwoods mountains. Especially Kentucky. 
But, we can't fight the system the CO's rule the TVs and the majority rules. So we can't say what we can and can't watch I'll have to listen to the Feudin banjos for awhile. Not so bad where I'm at. I've been in a ton of jails trust me I know I've got it good in here. 
In the Appalachia mountains incest was reality common as clear mountain water moonshine, mountain brewed beer and whiskey, double barrels, chicken fights and good ole' homegrown green. It was many years before I saw modern conveniences such as out houses. Later they started putting doors on them. No one could watch our naked asses taking a shit anymore! 
Then we got doors on our houses, but we still slept with our dogs. I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana in the heart of it all. Original Indy 500 was only a few miles. Off and on we lived in the city, but dad wanted us out in the sticks. I spent most my years in Kentucky growing up in the mountains with sick ass perverted Hillbilly kin folk. 
I never knew at that age being pawned off on Uncles Aunts grandma and cousins was because mom and dad never wanted girls they were getting rid of us basically giving all our cousins and uncles little girl's pussy. I don't candy coat nothing! Guess I never really wander why none of the boys got to stay at kin folks houses in the mountains. 
If I told on brothers, cousins and uncles for putting their hands in my panties playing with my pussy or pushing me against cabin walls and trees. Chasing me trying to constantly rape me or threatening me I would take the blame. Even at that age it felt wrong what sick puppies. 
I was always horrified, but somehow someone always caught us then I have to take the blame because dad says, "Mom, my sisters and me entice men we are whores." Explain to a nine year old what a whore is. Any child would be terrified and traumatized. How do you fight against men taking sex from us when everyone always took their word over mine? 
Dad would say, "She's a whore entices men." It was devastating when they backed me into trees or corner me in cabins or on long trips and try whatever they wanted. When I came forth and told I was no longer wanted by my aunts, cousins or uncles. 
No longer could I escape the fury and abuse of my dad with their horrible screaming and fighting over nonsense by getting away to relatives which wasn't any better of a situation. Dad always thought mom was cheating on him. She was. I've some stories thoughts and input on that myself. Mom sent notes by me to neighbor men. 
I don't blame her dad was a piece of shit. Throughout childhood relatives and neighbors came to try to rape us while dad was away. Mom was always trying to get away from dad, but he was obsessed with mom. My dad was a Pentecost oneness preacher. I'm branded as a preacher's daughter for life. Dad was also a volunteer medic with the fire department. 
He worked three days on and three days off. Dad also ran a business which was an excellent business called Dependable Fire Extinguisher & Equipment Company. I was tiny, but could hold my own working with dad on his business or whatever he was working on or building. This was all later when we moved into civilization. 
Uncles, cousins and older brothers were raping us. If we told the situation would be worse. Dad would blame us for being females natural born whores. Stories you hear about incest abuse and the like in childhood or even adulthood are different scars in all aspects emotionally physically financially and psychologically for life. Our pussies AND minds were screwed. 
I looked forward to times when I get dumped on my aunts uncles grandma and grandpa even it was a chance of getting raped because I always ran away into the mountains and wrote in the dirt. I loved sitting in the mountains for hours looking at wildlife enjoying peace and quiet except for the awesome noisy animals. 
I wrote about everything that was happening to me. If I wrote about it I felt I would never forget it, but it would just all go away if I just stayed right there in that mountain and wrote about what uncles cousins even my brothers had done to my mom, my baby sister Darlene and me. Everyone back then had huge families. 
Women were always pregnant around the same time it was common. Big families many sisters brothers aunts uncles and cousins. Women had 11-18 children. Our grandmothers, grandfathers, moms, dads, cousins, uncles and aunts were relatives, blood kin before they were marrying, fucking and sucking within family with their gross incest. 
The women were always pregnant at the same time or near. Told you incest was alive in the mountains. Men hillbillies fucked everybody like animals they fucked animals too. Mom and dad's screaming and arguing are common ground in abusive backgrounds I want it to be different better for any kids I have. 
Most arguments according to dad were mom's fault they had three whore daughters never to amount to anything except drugs alcohol and men. Turns out he was pretty much right so be it. Dad always had that fear of mom leaving him for another man and she would. 
How could dad, a Pentecost oneness preacher who was once the well known Winchester local drunk and drug addict on the streets have the right to condemn and judge little girls who had no idea what was happening? Horrible nightmares of our entire lives. As far back as could I remember all that I went through were my first proverbial straws of life. 
My proverbial camel's back will be loaded down with proverbial straws for many years I hope proverbial straw prices don't go too high like all else. Incest and abuse was not the hardest for me most times I was rescued escaped interrupted or got away before something worse happened. 
Hardest for me was my baby sister, Darlene whispering in my ears telling me she's sick. I was the only person she could trust even if I did make her sleep in the closet because she snored really loud, but God got even with me for that a few years later. She would fall to the floor shake tremble violently. Her body jumping twitching swallowing her tongue. 
Dad always beat her till her bowels and bladder gave way all over her and the floor. I was hiding around corners watching trembling scared crying not able to help for fear I would be beat too. Wish someone had whipped dad's ass back then. Harder for her than me when I was hiding on the stairs of our basement hardly breathing for fear they would hear me. 
I was watching my older brothers rape Darlene taking turns not understanding fully what they were doing to her till later in life. The thing I did understood was afterwards she would need me to hold her lie to her tell her everything would get better it would someday be over while cleaning up blood and semen covering her.
They tried many times to trade me school supplies and many other tactics over the years to have sex with them. There should be a law all male hillbillies should have their dick and balls cut off. Perverted city men too what the hell. Men you should not let all this offend you if your not a rapist pervert and don't do incest your excused. 
Dad always bought everyone else school supplies clothes and shoes, but told me I had to work and earn whatever I get in life. Okay I will ass hole. I never saw Darlene again I thought maybe when we're older we could hunt for each other. Dad accused her of being a whore tramp saying, "We entice the boys."
Darlene was always pretending to be sick dad said. She was epileptic and diabetic this was what the seizures were. Dad committed her to some kind of place for people not in their right minds. How could she ever be in her right mind? I missed her and didn't know where she disappeared to. My oldest sister had gone through all this and gone on to prison many times. 
Been married a number of times and went with other women's husbands. She escaped four times from prison climbing into my bedroom window scaring me to death hiding in my closet long as she could. I don't remember her ever living at mom and dad's house which should have been our home. I never considered anyplace mine.
I remember she was kind of crazy overly jealous of her husbands or boyfriends. She always thought I was looking at one of them. She came at me with a knife one time thinking I was looking at her man. I threw the mop bucket at her full of dirty water kicked her in the stomach then ran out the back door. I got on my old bike rode to a preacher friend of dad's.
I was dating his son though I didn't know what dating was. His son protected me if he could. His sister was my best friend Eva she later married one of my older brothers John. John after dad's death overdosed. He was raping my little sister my little girl-friends and tried me many times. I didn't EVER give a damn what happened to him nor my dad.
I was pregnant for the first time hitchhiking through Indian this same preacher man became a cab driver tried to rape me. I was sick on the streets homeless starving dirty a hurting tired. Giving out pussy to an old bald fat wannabe preacher was the last thing on my mind. His son wasn't like that. 
Neither was his daughter, Eva who was gorgeous with long straight brown hair. She was a faithful friend. She married my brother, Johnny Rae. My sister Carolyn was like mom she could sing play the accordion any instrument without lessons. She was beautiful to me what I can remember of her. Her body was always covered with cigarette burns and prison tattoos. 
I never knew or realized till it happened for many years I would later follow in dad's footsteps for many years be the new well known street bound Winchester drug addict and alcoholic with an added street whore reputation. Mom tried to escape dad many times only putting eleven kids in danger. 
An example is when dad was driving towards a cliff trying to scare mom to get her in the car to go home with us with ALL us kids in the car. I don't remember who won that one. Years ahead uncles brothers cousins and neighbor men raped mom my sisters and me. Never understanding till later in life. Mom never helped us nor prevent them from doing sexual things to us. 
Nor did she care how she or dad treated us. She encouraged them to give us money. My mom was a piece of shit! I was the only girl uh female whore left in the house for dad to continue trying to get rid of. Take this never ending revenge against women out on mom and me. Pentecost preacher my ass. Why would mom let all this happen to us? 
It's no excuse that she had not had it so good either. Grandpa Martin raped her as a child many times. Maybe this was why I've never known Grandpa Martin to say one word to anyone EVER. I've never heard him speak never heard that man talk. He sat around with a fly swat in his hands. Us kids ignored him he wasn't shit to us only memories you bury forever.
Mom married an abusive man, Dwayne to get away from grandpa. Mom married another abusive man my dad to escape that abusive man. It's a no brainer why I can't tell the difference between love and abuse their was no difference. Is it hereditary choices or is life dealing us bad cards? 
All my life I've had a saying which may be true I've said; "I got left behind in the old year." Born 11:59 December 31 New Year's Eve on minute till midnight. My twin brother was born a few minutes in the new year. I've become the best at everything I've done in my opinion a perfectionist to a point anal some friends now days say. Everything still goes rotten. 
One minute I would have been a New Year's Baby. My twin brother David made New Year's baby. Maybe life would have been entirely different if I had not been left behind in the old year cheated out of one minute. I say, "Mom put me behind one minute in life always missing opportunities of anything good in life."
Is there something so out of the ordinary about me that every minute of my life has been continuous chaos traumas violence abuse incest pain sad chain of events? No wander I'm an insomniac too much drama, rapes, incest, violence, trauma, abusive marriages or relationships. 
Courts, jails, prisons, probations, wrecks, fines, court cost, DUI traffic schools, counselors, purges and bonds. Children taken violently. Losses of homes, properties and vehicles. Drugs, deaths, alcoholics, cheating, lying, scams, robberies all with malicious intent, assaults, hurricanes, tragedies and anger. WOW I give up there is a really long list of turbulence.
I've written my story many times just for it to end up in trash cans or shredded for shipping. Then floppy disks which go bad unreadable or the computer crashes having to rebuild, rewrite and deal with repeated stories transferred in with wrong programs not compatible with older programs, notepad or wordpad always crashing, always starting over just like life.
Once I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Winchester, KY. When I was young that jail was just a hang out for me. Jail was small and old so was the jailer. Ole' Jim Boyd, the jailer took good care of me. I wrote on Kotex boxes. 
Once again I wrote it during a two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Fl. Written on whatever scraps of cardboard, toilette paper or Kotex boxes. Another two year stay in jail in Sarasota, Florida I wrote it. Another two year stay in jail in Bradenton, Florida. They need to stop putting trash cans on the outside of jails. Another two year stretch in Orlando, Florida. 
I wrote my story again. First I had nothing to write on except court papers they kept giving us. Nothing good comes of anything I do in life no matter how good I am at it. Between some of those stays in the crossbar hotels in the outside world I typed it manually literally on a manual typewriter over and over losing it many times. 
Never staying long in one place it's hard to keep anything. I started on the outside free world writing in pencil on tablets I collected up compliments of the county during my two year stay. Later graduated to another manual typewriter then to an electric one and much later computers. All these years I've been writing trying to tell my story. 
These days my problem is my books won't keep their format during cut and copy. I've written it many times, but don't keep it published long because it always loses it's formatting. I have to keep starting over. Going by Faith it's someone more powerful spiritual that keeps driving me to keep writing. 
And to tell what happened to my two nine year old card playing Hillbilly girl friends, me, mom, my sisters and sisters in Faith. Dueling banjos seemed endlessly echoing throughout the jail. I watched Deliverance it's gross. Hillbillies in the mountains raping fucking city dudes in the ass who wandered into their neck of the mountains forcing them to squeal like pigs.
Exaggerations? Not hardly it's true Hillbillies are nasty violent animals. Makes me have cringing nightmares, horrors of my past knowing that I've lived through that before, but it seems in another life now. None the less I'm proud to be a Hillbilly. Many women in jails/prisons the entire world have horrible heart wrenching nightmare stories of abuse most can't imagine.
What happens to us in life plays a big role on our state of mind then now and later. Abuse and violence play on our minds and hearts making us think this is all life is ever going to bring for us. We sit behind glass while the mayor, government, state, county and city officials walk by us everyday staring at us through glass.
Looking at us with contempt like we're caught animals, criminals, drug addicts, dealers, prostitutes, alcoholics, violent crime offenders. We are creatures society wants to get rid of lock up forever or study and pick our brains to see where the criminal element started, what the fuck ever. Did they find a cure for the criminal element? Which is what they think we are.
They want to pick our brains attempt to rehabilitate those who are rehabilitative. They learn from studying us to find where the criminal minds birth. They make speeches of how they love us and the Lord and oh yeah by the way keep those votes coming. They love money, prestige, pool parties, lies and votes this brings. 
We are societies cast outs making them richer more liked more votes for doing society a favor by catching us try to rehabilitate us. Many women die or commit suicide in jails or prisons. Some I had gotten to know over the many years of staying in different county jails/prisons. Many had been to prison many times and are going back to prison. 
Or they are taking breaks to take care of older charges then going back to prison. These are prison or jail war stories hid from society. Many of these women are talented artist singers construction workers chefs and cooks. Some owned businesses only for the death drugs to take it all leaving them with no other recourse, but to prefer this life. 
They give up after the drugs society men street life family aides alcohol sex abuse and violence have stripped them left them numb not caring what happens. Most is of their own doing yes, but it don't help them become any better of citizen when the system family and men beat them/us down rob and rape them/us along with the system.
I tried escaping dad's fury his disappointment of me being a female whore abandoning the incest of brothers relatives the beatings on all us kids from dad by running away time and again. Going as far as I could start a new life. California sounded good.
We were not aloud to watch TV go to ball games watch movies or go to carnivals. Never hold a deck of cards play with a toy hold a doll read a comic show our necks wrist legs or ankles or do things other children do and crave. The only toy I owned was a doll with no head I kept hid a man in the fire department gave me for Christmas.
My dad made me believe our hands would swell if you held a deck of cards. I had a deck hidden under my mattress for a long time. I wouldn't go near it for the longest. I really believed my hands would swell up. Now days it's habitual to play cards or games on the computer or Internet with people across the world.
If dad knew my oldest sister played Michael Jackson and let us listen we would all have taken a beating! We had a little record player the only 45 record we owned was Michael Jackson. We loved Michael Jackson before he got himself into all the latest trouble he's in these days. I still love you Michael Jackson and ABC I have Faith in you!
Archie's in my eyes and heart were real with their "Aww Sugar Sugar Aww Honey Honey You are My Candy Girl." Later in life I drove everyone in sane in the bars with this song. It was just such a good dancing tune. Monkeys stole my heart then broke my heart splitting up. I had a fan club for each of the Monkeys for all Monkey lovers. 
Unpopular girls hung around together. We picked names of the Monkeys we loved the best. I was Davy Jones. Davy was gorgeous, but all of the Monkeys have my heart always. I've been to a lot of the concerts everywhere anytime I hear one of the Monkeys is going to be there.
King of the Road and Hang on Sloopy, Jerry Reed, Jerry Lee Lewis, "Great Balls of Fire," Shirley Temple, Hank Williams Sr., Bobby Bare, Charlie Pride, Conway Twitty, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Soggy Bottom Boys, Waylon and Willie, Boxcar Willie, Grand Ole' Opry. All these have been here and are here to stay legends. Oh and Three Stooges. 
Comic books, Sunday comics, theaters, drive in movies, ball games, dances, gym classes, music, movies, cards, television, radio or whatever dad considered entertainment or material was taking our minds away from God. These things are of the devil, dad believed. We were severely beaten for doing anything or saying anything concerning any of these subjects. 
God forbid me show my ankles wrist or neck a small kid a preacher's daughter marked for life! Ripping the hems from my dresses wasn't cool dad. I wanted to go far away. California sounded good to me. I didn't know on foot it would take so long to get to California. I also didn't know hopping in box cars don't work they don't go anywhere. 
I never got to California by the way. The only thing always running away accomplished was a life on the streets or highways getting raped with guns, knives, violence, drugs, alcohol, sex and men. Men were always pulling knives or guns to my head or neck. 
If I had known what was out there in the world it would not have mattered. Home was NOT where any heart was. Highways and streets were better than a life of beatings, rapes, incest, being thrown against walls for being female whores. Wait what? Where was the difference? A child should I stay home or run? I always chose running.
It's not like the kids today we spoil with expensive clothing these days are into HOT TOPICS, expensive games, VCRs, DVDs, computers, drugs, alcohol, sex, tons of food, personal items etc...even if we do without they still complain wanting more. Bored no matter how much you buy to entertain them with.
Highways streets the concrete itself loved me when no one else would. Alone even on rainy, stormy, snowing or scorching sun I was happier there than anywhere because it was freedom. I was most happiest when I could climb the Appalachia mountains in Kentucky and sit there alone with animals and mother nature long as I wanted. Write in the dirt what was happening. 
I can't find my way back to those mountains. I was supposed to be left some of that mountain, but when I told on everyone for being perverts I lost that. I was no longer considered family to be left anything. Kiss My Ass! Fuck their perverted asses. 
Still a child I was always found by the law at their mercy bound by laws returned to dad each time who beat me for running away time and again. I felt loved wanted by the streets and highways I thought concrete was the best friend I've ever found. Snow rain or heat I would always return there.
Hitchhiking or walking far as I could from state to state amazed at how far I'd get turn around and go back the other way or any way not caring where it would lead or take me to. I loved my freedom. I never thought about proverbial straws my proverbial camel was collecting till a perverted killer rapist monster outside my family added horror in my life. 
I don't know where I got this camel with the strong back carrying straws for me that would multiply over the years. Hope that Camel plans for a long haul and lots of straws. I have a feeling he's going all the way with me till the end when that last straw will be the last straw that breaks my faithful camel's back. Good thing proverbial camels are free.
Dad bought acreage in the back woods of Spencer, Indiana wanting to get mom and me away from neighbors city and men. We were whores remember? Miles away from anyone or anything. He didn't care if we had water food clothes or made it to school. He was then a fireman working in Indianapolis, Indiana still preaching too.
I rarely saw humans aside from mom and my brothers unless we went to school which was rare. Two nine year old hillbilly girls my age on the bus actually likes me and plays cards with me and gets into trouble with me everyday over it with the bus driver. I wish I knew their families so I could tell them the story that I was the one who survived this tragedy. 
I loved those two girls. Sleep with the angels I'll be there with you soon. Me nor my brothers and sisters go to school often because dad drags us to different counties and states to preach and do his famous Indian dance. Me and Daniel a younger brother daily took jugs walking miles to get mountain water. 
I talked Daniel into running away with me going to grandma's in Kentucky. Grandma called them and snitched us out. They assumed Daniel talked me into running away and blamed it on Daniel so I let him take the blame and the beating that came with it. I have no good excuse okay? 
Dad and my older brothers were running a big machine called a bush hog trying to mow down the endless fields of brush. That machine looked huge to a tiny girl not much older than nine or ten. Many years while growing up I loved working with and for dad. I helped him build that three story house us kids grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, Spencer Ave. 
I worked with him on his company "Dependable Fire Extinguisher and Equipment Company. I don't know why he hated me cept he thinks I'm a whore. Before sunrise this day I wanted to make dad be proud of me maybe like me. I got on that big bush hog taking down as much of that field as I could to impress dad thinking this should get dad to like me. 
I stopped taking a break watching the pigs/hogs and horses breed thinking humans wasn't much better than cruel animals taking whatever they want from the opposite sex whether they want it or not. My thoughts were interrupted by a strange man stopping to ask me where the McIntosh's lived. I thought it was very strange where did a human come from way out here? 
Where are these people he says live out here? How and why would a man get lost all the way in the mountains back woods of Indiana? I told him we had not lived here long people were far away we don't know anyone yet. He asked where my mom dad or family was. 
Not knowing what he was leading up to I told him dad was in Indianapolis working, mom and my brothers were still asleep. I watched him walk back to his car and get in. I turned for a moment continuing my break watching the animals thinking of the endless fields of bushes and brush not knowing this man had other plans. 
Seemed only a minute his hands covered my mouth he was hurting me he had a gun to my head forcing me into his car making me lie down so no one would see me. It was all happening so quick! How had he returned so fast? I was allowed to get up he grabbed me violently forcing me with the gun to my head with hands full of my hair in his other hand. 
He drove for awhile with the gun and steering wheel in one hand a handful of my hair in his other hand. I was scared out of my brains! We stopped climbed over barbed wire fences to a path going back into the woods going further into the privacy of the woods there was a large area had been mowed. Like this was planned or happened before.
How many other little girls had he taken here? How many more was he going to take here? We got where he wanted to stop a large area also mowed down I was scared couldn't stop screaming and crying which only made him mad. He pulled out his penis. With the gun in one hand a handful of my hair in the other he kept forcing my mouth to his penis. 
I clamped my mouth shut I thought my teeth were breaking. I was cutting my lips hurting my mouth trying to keep this thing from going into my mouth. The more I screamed and cried the harder he hit me with the gun. By the time his semen squirted all over my face my clothes had been torn to shreds. 
I was naked and badly beaten my body had cuts and bruises, but somehow I was lose. I don't know how, but I was lose. Shaking falling crying screaming in hysterics. I ran barefoot naked in creeks and fields cutting my feet and body as I fell. Running screaming crying not knowing how far I had gone or where I was at. I saw a big house on a hill I ran to the house. 
A nice lady with a horrified look on her face answered the door and wrapped me in a blanket. The sheriff told her not to feed me or give me anything to drink and not to clean me up till after they got there. They took pictures and scraped stuff off my body. Then took samples from my vagina, my mouth and took blood. 
Exactly who was going to be on trial? Me or the man who did this? Was I being tortured and raped then or now? I was more scared of what them and dad would do to me. I returned home the law left dad beat me accusing me of being a whore enticing the man. I was eight or nine I didn't know what enticing nor whore even meant. 
I was wearing a huge dirty T-shirt which belonged to one of my brothers and a huge ugly purple skirt that belonged to my mom. I was bush hogging down a field how was this enticing him? Someone should explain to a nine year old what enticing and whore means. This day I was riding the bus with my girlfriends. We get off to walk a long ways to our houses. 
That man was waiting! He took me and my two girlfriends to that same wooded place over the torn down barbed wire fence through the first mowed area further into the woods to that same mowed wooded area he took me to. I watched him violently beat, rape and shoot my first friend. While he was beating and raping her sister I got away. 
I knew which direction to go this time to get to that house on the hill. Next day I went to identify the man they believe done this. I walked in I saw him fear ran through me. They knew when I ran this was the man. This man took three little girls when we stepped off of the school bus he violently beat, raped and killed them. 
THIS WILL HURT AND EFFECT ME ALL MY LIFE! We played cards on the bus everyday and our hands didn't swell up. I looked at their hands before I touched the cards. They said; "They have been playing cards for a long time" they were good at it too. We played poker spades and hearts you name the game these two girls knew how to play it. 
They said; "Their hands never swelled up." I started playing with them everyday. We had no other way out here in no where land to entertain ourselves. Those trips to school with my two girlfriends was the only excitement any of us had. It was against the rules to play cards on the bus or on school grounds this was our way of rebelling. 
These girls would tell them to kiss their ass. They wasn't preacher's daughters huh? I didn't care they were a lot of fun to be around. I thought their card playing cursing asses was no reflection on me. I scraped my initials on his gun for evidence identifying the gun. 
Mom and dad said; "That man only got two years ran out of the state he was free again." This was the story I was told. Dad said; "This was all my fault because I was inticing the man." I guess According to my ass hole dad I should name my story; "I was a nine year old Hillbilly whore."
There is no justice in life I learned it early in life. Not even the system is what it should be or was meant to be once upon a time. The system then and now SUCKS! What is this life I've been given? I never went to school much what with dad being a preacher drug from state to state town to town preaching the word of GOD. How could he believe all he preached? 
He's a lying ass child abusing hypocrite. It wasn't the work of God he was lying about, it was we knew that he knew what went on in our home. He did not live what he preached. I was the only one out of eleven children who listened not to him to the word of GOD mesmerized by what he was saying. I HEARD! God's seed was planted. 
It was hard not to listen. Dad danced around like an Indian holding his hands on one ear or the other. Jumping through and around the audience or congregation like he was doing an Indian dance. For awhile on one foot then the other, one ear then the other. And in between each sentence was some kind of sound that sounded like a loud HUH. 
Then on with the story he would go screaming the entire sermon. That amazed me in itself by how long dad could dance around like that. Other kids, my brothers, sisters and were scared to death of the dancing and screaming involved in these gatherings. 
My brothers, sisters and me were forced to embarrass ourselves in front of congregations to show everyone how we had no talents and we were totally useless in this area, we were the worse, but we would wing it and stick a kazoo in our mouth. 
We pretended to be keeping up with this little stupid thing dad made us blow in. It made stupid sounds that wasn't even music it was similar to a party favor noise maker. We should have been holding signs saying; "We hate our parents." Dad played an electric guitar mom played an electric accordion and sang. 
Silliest thing my mom had a harmonica strapped around her neck she played it at the same time while playing the accordion and singing it was amazing. Mom, dad, Carolyn my oldest sister and my oldest brother Herbert Jr. could sing and play any instrument you put in their hands without any lessons. Carolyn could sing and play any instrument like my mom and dad. 
Herbert Jr. could sing like Johnny Cash. From Johnny on down 6 kids had zilch talent. We ALL hated going to church including mom. Add Johnny Cash to the list of singers we liked as children. He was my hero of singers! Your always first in my heart Hank Williams Jr. 
Your my idea of a heart throb, your every woman's dream man and my ideal of what our child hood love should be. Hank Williams Jr. you make my hands shake and my heart beat too fast! Your my ideal of a perfect man! I know of your scars in life, hurts and heartbreaks. I've followed your life since your daddy was young when Waylon and Willie was young. 
Many years later I did get to see Hank Williams I was pushed down by huge women while I pushing my way to the stage to throw a western shirt I bought for Hank Williams. My entire family sang and played instruments country or gospel music. By entire family I mean uncles cousins aunts etc...I play a pretty good kazoo.
Country singers we all go way back all you country stars and singers. I know your daddies and mommas. Dolly you always make me smile when I think of you and your music. We grew up together Dolly. And Loretta Lynn I loved you song; "If ya don't wanna go to fist city." Stevie Nicks I'm not gay and would never, but you I would seriously have to think about.
I still listen to Hank and Johnny's songs to this day I'm 60 now revising my story. Hillbillies by nature don't know grammar or punctuation. I didn't know at the time through the horror dad put us through screaming and dancing like an Indian that the seed had been planted. 
No matter what kind of person was preaching what he did not live by what in his mind was living by I believed what he was saying about this man called Jesus the seed was planted." I watched my brothers for many years take my little girlfriends to abandoned cars in fields raping them taking what they wanted. I was desperately wanting to get away. 
I wanted to escape and find a better way to live. I wore clothes of my mothers which had safety pins holding everything together around me. I was embarrassed to change in gym classes my panties were being held together with safety pins. We wasn't in school much and we were poor. I was always bruised from beatings. 
Not going to anything with other children because we were never allowed to go to anything at school made other kids hate me, hit me, throw things at me, make fun of me, call me names, draw ugly pictures of me with ugly names below it wad them up throw them at me, push me up against walls once breaking a watch a teacher gave me.
Kids yelled at me from the bus so many so loud I rarely had the heart to get on the bus I usually hung my head and walked all the way it was a long way. The girls in the gym classes made fun of me for having a bra with so many safety pins and panties with safety pins to hold them up. I swore if I ever had children they would always have new underwear and clothes.
Girls especially are mean. They were spying on me taking a shit. Laughing make fun of the way I was taking a shit and wiping my ass. One of them had their finger in the space where the hinges are when I opened the door I broke her fingers, oops. 
These days the more safety pins on your clothing the cooler you are so why was I made fun of back then if it was going to become fashionable one day? These days safety pins little hands cuffs and chains are the thing it's called Hot Topics or Frederick's of Hollywood or Victoria Secret.
I would never say no to my kids in stores nor I would never buy myself something to drink if they didn't have one I never eat anything buy myself food or snacks unless my children had them first. I would not let the kids on the bus see me cry they didn't deserve to see this emotion giving them the feeling of victory I walked to school every day. 
I didn't have the heart to get on the bus. All the kids screamed at me called me nasty stupid names no way I was getting on that bus. The driver sometimes wouldn't let me on and kids are truly mean. Many times the janitor's wife gave me pretty dresses and clothes I knew dad would tear them saying, "I can't show my ankles legs arms and neck." 
I could never wear anything pretty like other kids. I saw my mom doing ironing for neighbors, cleaning homes, repairing TVs and radios in our home and doing laundry for people to buy clothes pretty dresses from the neighbors. They had more money than us and bought their daughters new dresses and only let them wear them once. 
I saw them ahead of time before while hanging in the neighbor's house thinking they were for me. I guess that's what I get for thinking only of me being greedy they were for my sister Darlene. Never for me. Dad was buying shoes for everyone I asked him to buy me a pair they were only $1.00. He told me I could go work for them get them myself. 
I swore from that day I would never ask no one if life for a hand out. I would never do what a lot of people do today called panhandling. I would never ask no one for nothing the rest of my life I vowed to work earn whatever I get in life. I would never ask dad or mom I wanted nothing from them anymore. 
Mom used to send me to McDonalds when it first came out everyday to get her a soda and burgers. She wanted the soda to arrive fresh a certain amount of ice in it the burgers had special orders too. If we needed bread or anything I had to go the store to get it. She would send me to the store everyday to get her Pay-Day candy bars and boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Or bags of assorted different candy and we never got to have any of that. One day I was pissed about always going to the store for her never getting nothing for doing it. I bought myself with the change a bag of paraffin and went across the street to share it with the little boy across the street and got in big trouble by his mom for it. 
It got blew up that I stole my moms change and tried to hurt that little boy with paraffin. I didn't know curse words yet I do now and that was fucked up! That nasty neighbor girl Sherry always wore pretty dresses everyday brought her huge collection of Barbie dolls over. I had to watch her set them all up houses furniture and all. 
I was to watch her dress and undress them and play with them. I was never allowed to touch or play with them just watch. I always had a stupid crooked grin on my face thinking how much of a selfish dork she was. Wishing she would take her stupid dolls and go home. 
I told her one day; "I don't want to play with you anymore this isn't sharing nor is it playing with you take your Barbie shit house and all go home." I swore then when I grow up no kid will do without a toy that I know about and they haven't. No wander there is that saying, "Preacher's children are the worse especially a preacher's daughter." 
My twin brother, David and I were the middle children. I gave the bus and kids another chance, but kids and adults are cruel cold hearted I wanted to get the fuck out of home and school. Fourth grade I was fed up with life mom dad people relatives kids and school. The bus stopped in front of the school. 
I walked to the other side of the bus and walked right off and returned to the highways. Where I felt love, security, freedom and happiness more than any place on earth. When I got to the highways I drew a deep breath while crying to myself I said; "I'm home." I went to my oldest brother Herbert Jr. in Ohio this was a huge mistake. 
Both older brothers Herbert Jr. and John were there. They took me to the bedroom I remember screaming kicking crying while John held me down. Herbert Jr. on top of me with his penis out my clothes ripped off. I kicked screamed so hard thank God they got mad gave up took me to grandma Martin's house in Kentucky. 
Grandma Martin was my only safe haven in life. Above all people I loved grandma Martin, but she always made me go home. I'll always run away. I became a great thief hanging with pros no one could ever see my slick hands take anything slicker than everyone else. Later in life there were larger scams made the front pages our gangs were responsible for. 
Headlines were; "Barnett Boogies," "Bud Heighst," "Waterford Crystal to go," "Nurseries emptied" and "$9,000.00 fireworks gone disappeared!" There are slicker thieves out here today most of them are called crack or rock heads. 
Our entire family was gathered for my other grandmother's funeral. Three of my aunts and grandma told me to go steal them all an outfit so I did. They loved their outfits. Everyone was trying them on then I over heard them talking of how bad I turned out. They told me to steal they were trying it all on loving how it all looked. In the same breath how bad I was. 
I walked out the back door swore I would never see any of them again. I didn't and haven't. I hitched back to mom and dad. What a mistake again. I ran away many times the law found me and my soon to be sister in law and best friend, Eva in Chicago. Two men followed her and I as we walked down the street. We thought they would hurt us, but it was the law.
We were too young to wander streets late and alone. They took us to the police station. Mom and dad said; "We want our daughter in law, but you can keep Mary. She's ungovernable always running away let her go or keep her. I went home again. 
I thought I was in love with Bobby, the son of people who owned a country church in Spencer, Indiana where my dad was preaching. I owned a huge double cymbal tambourine. I loved this nice tambourine. It had a key to keep all the hardware tightened or tuned with and tight, pretty new skin. 
Dad bought it for me, but never let me play it the way I wanted I was good at playing it. I could make that thing sing. Most of the churches dad preached in were black I was raised in black churches. This is maybe why I have high opinions of black people. Good people! 
For many years I jammed out with the churches bands drummers singers when the entire church sang together or when dad, mom, Carolyn Herbert Jr., Johnny or David was singing. Dad hated the way I played it. I was a perfectionist it sounded good to everyone else. I loved playing that thing. 
I donated it to this church it was too boring the way he wanted me to play he refused to let me play it better so it was of no use to me. He was mad I put him on the spot in front of them by donating it to them. These people killed their own hogs and cattle. They had a breakfast lunch and dinner every Sunday. Bobby their son was having sex with his cousin. 
He had a hook on one arm. He was shot in a war. His arm saved the bullet from going to his heart. I was determined to get him away from his cousin have him for myself. Not knowing this would add more straws on my camel's back. I was dating his best friend Rick. If that was what you would call dating. 
I was going to marry him when he returned from the service, but I wanted Bobby. Mom and dad agreed on me staying home if I dated Rick. They liked Rick. They wouldn't if they knew what I learned later. Rick went to the army. He wrote quite often, but I never answered him. I wasn't interested in him. 
I spent the night with Bobby in a funeral home where him and Rick lives. There was a huge party happening downstairs. Johnny, my next older brother, the one involved in raping my baby sister and trying to rape me many times, married my best friend Eva. 
They were there along with a lot of big men who were huffing paint from bags, taking drugs, drinking alcohol and beer. Bobby was in the kitchen drinking beer with his cousin. I was told by Bobby do not participate yet he could and everyone else could. 
Johnny and Eva snuck out to call the law and snitched on everyone wanting the law to interfere before I got caught up in all this. The law hauled them all out. Bobby and I were upstairs on the fourth floor in an old funeral home he lived in. We did not have sex nor even kiss. 
We read Superman comic books all night. Still a kid comic books was an amazing new and awesome thing. Don't you wish kids these days were so easily amused and made happy? Those huge alcoholic paint huffing guys got out of jail the next day. I watched them break every rib maybe a few other bones in my brother's body. 
I watched them beat the holy shit out of Johnny. I was crying, but my thoughts were; "It was wrong he snitched and wrong what he did to my baby sister, me and my little friends so I felt he deserved it." Rick was back from service now and fucking a friend of Bobby's. 
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and those big guys tied me up, beat me then poured beer, alcohol, mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, eggs and everything in the refrigerator or cabinet all over me then took me down town and tied me to a light post and left me. Some time later the law untied me took and me back to Bobby. He let his friends beat me all the time.
Bobby, Rick, their girlfriends and their friends were all partying he told everyone to throw watermelons and rinds at me. That caused a lot of bruises all over me. He hit me a lot with that hook on his arm. We had not had sex yet dad accused us of having sex. He said; "I was a tramp a whore worth nothing used damaged." Being a preacher he could legally marry us. 
Dad got out his double barrel shot gun and we had a real double barrel shot gun wedding. I lived with Bobby and his friends beating me, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, huffing paint and him having sex with his cousin. They all treated me bad. He would get mad if I asked for something to eat. We went to a store he bought some food. 
He was eating those little precooked sausages. When I asked for one he said; "Hell no I gotta feed you too what the fuck?" I didn't understand nor was educated or experienced at what Bobby wanted. If I did maybe he would stop mistreating me, maybe he would love me. I couldn't figure this sex thing out. 
Rick's girlie friend tried to explain it to me so Bobby could have sex with me. I didn't know nor understand none of this nor did I want any part of it all. She kept saying, "I needed to lay underneath of Bobby and let him do what he needs to do to me and wiggle like crazy." 
Well hell for the life of me I couldn't picture this! Why would I let a heavy man lay on top of me? Why would I want to wiggle under him? Hmm just couldn't picture it happening. Tired of this I went to my old love the highways. Bobby saw me on the highway he pulled next to me then followed me for awhile trying to talk me into getting into his car. 
I was crying and pissed off. He had just let a bunch of his friends throw watermelon rinds at me again then tried to drown me. Strangers pulled over I jumped in to get a ride out of there back to mom and dad. They said; "I could not stay I was used and damaged." I hitchhiked to my oldest sister Carolyn in Ohio where she now lived and owned a small restaurant. 
I had periods now no one ever taught me how to take care of this new problem. By the time I got to my sister's house the crotch of my cut off jean shorts were rotten. I didn't know what was wrong. I freaked out thought I was hurt inside. I didn't know what to do about this new horrible problem. She would not loan me anything to wear. 
She said; "I had to earn it working in their restaurant still wearing those shorts." I asked if I could cook myself a hamburger. She said; "After a couple more hours of work I had not earned anything yet." She finally told me I could. I was starving didn't know when I had ate last. Must have been at least a couple of months or so. 
Bobby would get irate sometimes hit me with the hook if I asked for something to eat or mentioned I was hungry. He said; "He was not going to support me." While cooking my hamburger I over heard Carolyn talking to her husband saying, "She has a lot nerve coming here asking for food and clothes." 
I left the burger on the grill my oldest friend was waiting out the back door. I was happy to be with my love again the highways, concrete, air, open space, freedom, no humans and loved. Never caring all those years whether it stormed or knee deep in snow. 
I was free, loved, wanted, welcomed secured by the fact the highway's pavement would not take from me, won't hurt me, won't lie to me, won't yell at me, don't beat on me it truly loves me AND let's ME walk on it! The pavement never complained about the snow or rain why should I? 
The only times I was happy were walking down highways never caring where or how far they took me. Most times I would never accept rides. Every time I did it would turn into violence some way or another. Couldn't seem to ever get back to my mountains paths this concrete path was all I had. I cried more tears than the storms. My mountains turned into concrete! 
Felt good mixing rain or snow with tears. Still in the same cut off shorts an Italian man offered me a ride. All I had been through in life could anything happen to me that had not already been done? I thought this man had fallen in love with me. I was still young, still pretty and still a virgin. 
He bought me a back pack, three pair of jeans, three panties, three shirts, shoes, socks, a kitten and a hotel room for three days. Still young and dumb I thought I would get some sleep. Cheap price to pay for what he got! He took me to a meeting he was bragging showing me off. I thought he would be my new husband, lover would be ok. 
In that cheap hotel room a few miles from my older sister Carolyn's place with a complete stranger for the price of clean clothing, something to eat and a little attention I lost what later in life I learned you could never get back. What everyone knows is truly something worth more than money could have paid for, my virginity and dignity!
I thought I was going to finally get to sleep though I was feeling totally violated and was loosing all self respect and esteem if there was any left  and hiding, holding tears while in severe pain. Being tossed around like a rag violated over and over. What the fuck just happened?! I held my own through it all. 
I should have been thankful there was a shower, towels, clean clothes to put on instead of dwelling on what he took from me he did give me clothing, something to eat and my life. Which was no longer worth anything after that first guy who killed my nine year old card playing hillbilly girlfriends I played cards with now this.
I didn't know I was trading my virginity for food, clothes and a place to clean up after it's all over. I guess in his mind I was a whore he paid in advance. This is the story I have to tell for the rest of my life? When women are talking about sexual things the subject comes up of who took your virginity. I'm just going to say, "He was an Italian man." 
It last for three days then after the pain and blood, three days later he left promising to return. Oh don't be calling me dumb naive or blonde I was still just a kid. I was raised in a Pentecostal environment and knew nothing. I didn't know nor would I have thought and still think that people don't lie or steal. 
I still to this day get taken advantage of, scammed and robbed. Yeah and this book will be finished and have a happy ending before I'm too old right? I never would have thought this man would've treated me so violent, rough, cold and uncaring. I was kicked out of the hotel. 
I sat outside with my kitten, new clothes and back pack for three days waiting for his promise of returning I believed him. The owners of the hotel had to keep running me off from the front lawn. I had no where to go. No money and no survival instincts outside of my mountain upbringing mostly highways was all I knew. 
In the mountains back woods I could hunt fish get weeds berries nuts water squeeze water drops from moss pot. I went back to my only love again the highways. Hitching down the road a few miles some gorgeous long blonde haired guy yelled from across the road. I saw him from a distance a little while ago he was gorgeous. He said; "Hey cutie want to party?" 
He was yelling across the road to me! Wow the cutest guy in that group called me cutie! I didn't know what a party was yet, but what other plans did I have? Maybe he would give me a place to sleep and something to eat. WRONG! He introduced me to my first joint and first beer. A wide mouth Sterling. Drunk and stoned he took me to his car. 
I thought oh well it's a place to sleep. A couple of days after having sex drinking beer and smoking pot he said; "I could not stay." He lived with his mother. He got what he wanted and was through with me. My only love the faithful concrete highways wasn't far. I went back to mom and dad which was always a mistake. They were living in Indianapolis, Indiana again.
Dad said; "I was nothing more than a whore and drug addict." He put me in a juvenile center. When I got out stupid me went back to mom and dad. They let me stay, but set me up for a fall. Dad introduced me to a man who asked if a friend and him could come over that night. 
The gorgeous blonde from before gave me a joint a roach no bigger than the end of my little fingernail. When they got there the guy I was supposed to date asked me if I had any pot. I said; "Yes is this pot?" I handed him the roach. 
He asked me if he gave me $50.00 would I give him a blow job. I didn't know what a blow job was so I said; "Yes show me what it is." He pulled out his penis then put it back in his pants handcuffed me they arrested me for drugs and prostitution. 
I was not of age in an adult jail. Dad told me earlier I would get into trouble that night if I didn't go to church with them. Six months later I wasn't going home again. I headed to the highways. It was always a lost cause trying to get them to love me. I couldn't even ask them for food.
When all of us kids were at home sitting down to eat mom and or dad would hit me in the back of my head continuously the entire time I was trying to eat. Making me cry gag sometimes throw up. David took food from my plate when they were not looking that I couldn't eat. Meals were a nightmare. Not knowing Bobby had our marriage annulled. 
I was going back to see if he wanted me. He never wanted me to begin with. I went to a bus station to rest and get a ticket to Spencer, Ind. A man came up to me said; "He had been following me watching out for me for awhile." He told me he knew everything about me, my older sister, Carolyn and her adventures in prison. 
He knew about my husband and some of what happened to me, my brothers and sisters and about my parents. He got my trust and told me he would drive me to my husband I believed him. I cashed in my ticket to take a ride with a stranger. On the way he kept talking about my family all the while giving me a pill saying, "It would calm me down." I wasn't not calm. 
I kept putting them to the side in my mouth and spitting them out. He kept forcing me to keep taking them. They dissolved enough to effect me. I remember a field, barbed wire fence, a gun and a lot of pain, but I couldn't move. When was I going to learn not to trust people? Not till I'm way older? I'm still learning this now by gosh! 
I remember being thrown out of the car my clothes were torn and bloody. I remember my mother in law and a sheriff. She said; "I was a tramp used merchandise her son did not deserve to have me in his life." She told Bobby to get me out of her house and off her property.
This preacher lady isn't going to be in MY Heaven. Bobby came to get me. Him and his friends again tied me up, beat me, poured everything in the kitchen on me, took me back down town and again tied me up to a light pole. When I was let loose I found my way back to Bobby's house. I was sitting on Bobby's porch talking with an old neighbor man. 
He kept trying to get me to have sex with him telling me Bobby didn't deserve me. Looking in the window from the porch I waited till Bobby was through having sex with his cousin. I interrupted quite a party. Rick, Bobby and their girlfriends were having sex and doing cocaine. 
I didn't know what cocaine, drugs or alcohol was yet, but I do now and that is what they were doing. I left couldn't take all this again and tolerate this old man that just wouldn't take back off for an answer. If your wandering about cleanliness through all this there are hotels, truck stops, restaurants, gas stations and many uses for soap. 
I tried going home to see if mom and dad would except me of course they didn't. My twin brother, David is a minute or two into the New Year's older than me. He said; "I could stay with his girlfriend." We went there she said; "No." I was alone I could get peaceful sleep in the snow under a park table. David found me. He was worried I wasn't eating. 
Mom must have had some kind of pity or compassion for me or David took it all. He said; "Mom sent some chicken and soup beans so I could eat." I was freezing, but the food was so good. Not knowing what to do I went to Kentucky to see if grandma would let me stay. I got to her house where I remember growing up off and on and was happy to see this house again.
Neighbors told me my aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa and cousins moved to Florida. They did know where one of my aunts was living that stayed so I went there. My uncle, Roy said; "If I had sex with him he was going to Florida and would take me to grandma." I didn't have any choice and didn't know what he was asking was wrong nor what he was asking for. 
I was giving him what was more important than a place to sleep or something eat. He took me to his car my aunt his wife knowing nothing of this he raped me then drove me down town and told me to get out. Disgusted with myself and the shame and not knowing what to do I hitchhiked back to mom and dads. A heart break always. 
I knew I could never get my dad to like me, but I still kept trying. Neighbors told me they also moved to Florida. What am I going to do now? It had always been days since I ate or slept. My kitten and clothes ditched long ago. I thought I know the alleys and streets of Winchester, Kentucky. I could hitchhike there sleep there. Thus, Dad's footsteps.
Jeanie her sister, Cindy and Barbara had homes with Christian parents and children. They preferred living in streets partying drinking doing drugs fucking and sucking men. We went to a hotel with a lot of men who had hard core drugs. 
I thought they were making fun of me by giving me a flat brown pill called Chocolate Mescaline along with four little white pills with white crosses on them called White Crosses. What a trip that night! Everyone was paired off. I was with a gorgeous blonde. Built like a football player quarterback. I sat on his lap felt his huge dick thinking to myself no way! 
I've got to find a way out of this. Four officers pounded on the door. We jumped out the back window and escaped then went to one of the guy's house. The guys were messing with me after learning it was my first trip. They were standing in front of a large black wall hanging with what I know now to be the Grim Reaper. 
They were pretending to be so thirsty pretending they were drinking imaginary drinks. It took a few minutes to realize I wasn't dehydrated. Took me most of the night to find my way out of their house. I opened one door Jeanie was having sex with one of the guys opening another door Cindy was having sex with another one opening another door Barbara was having sex.
Another door was their bathroom. In the mirror my face was melting! Took hours trying to put my face back together get it to quit melting. Flowers designs has to quit swirling before I try to get out again. I tried to get out again, but made it outside this time. I was walking around the same city block for hours finding myself back at the same house. 
I finally went the right direction after the hallucinations eased up. I knew all the houses even the one I just came out of was looking very familiar. I was walking in circles around a city block. I didn't really know city blocks end up in the same spot if you walk around and around all night. I had never knew there was a difference in a country block and city block. 
I found Lexington Avenue and I decided it was best if I go straight except each step I took felt as though I was breaking the concrete my feet were slamming down so hard. Everything was so weird and intense. I was trying to get to my new job as a waitress in a restaurant. I made it there, but they told me I wasn't scheduled for 10 more hours.
Incoherent I walked back down the road in hopes to find the new apartment I just rented. Jeanie Brenda Cindy and those men had been there partying and knocked holes in my walls tore the apartment up. The landlord kicked me out without getting to see my new apartment. She kept all my belongings which wasn't much mostly clothes for the damage.
I made it back to work, but my new friends kept showing up wanting my tip money. I kept giving it to them. A few days of this I was fired. They kept hanging out wanting my money. Well now what the fuck do I do? Many years I hung on the streets with these girls. They introduced me to every kind of alcohol and drugs. 
Speed, White Crosses, Black Beauties, the real thing folks not mag scripts, Yellow Jackets, 357 Magnums, Meth, Cocaine, Pot, Chocolate Mescaline, Orange Barrel, Purple Haze, LSD, Yellow Sunshine, Elephant Tranquilizers, Horse Tranquilizers, MDA, Microdots, Percacets, Percadans, Darvons, Darvecets, Lemon 14's or Qualudes or Ludes us old folks call them.
Is this the acid my dad spoke of? I thought back then when he mentioned drugs he said; "Acid" I thought he meant battery acid. I couldn't imagine why anyone would do battery acid. Some may be spelled wrong I don't remember everything. Any drug or alcohol we wanted in them days was not only plentiful, but potent. Even Kitchen or Basement Crank. 
Maybe someday this will be over there would be something better in life for me. On drugs Cinderella's slipper is one size fits all huh? Strict rule I stayed clear of rock cocaine, heroine, free basing and needles what I call the death drugs. 
Remember the seed planted long ago in the back of my mind something pushes me to never touch the death drugs major drugs would be harder on me to quit. I knew someday I would quit, but didn't know when this time would be. It was a way of life now. All I had ever known. Around the world it's an alcohol and drug related society.
I ran with these girls for many years getting more into alcohol drugs and men with money. Men that owned liquor stores rich men more than willing to give money drugs or alcohol even officers of the law for sex. These girls knew all the rich men and men that owned liquor stores. They kept a stash of sugar daddies. I met a man called Coleman. 
He was the most gorgeous man on earth to me. A close second to Hank Williams. Both of us were deeply in love with each other, but both too wild too into drugs, alcohol, sex and partying to ever be serious with each other. We looked for each other at parties bars or pool halls. Our local meeting spot was the Green Lantern Pool room on Main St. in Winchester, Kentucky. 
Or the City Restaurant on Main St. When lucky enough to run into each other we held tight and would have sex for days non stop and do drugs till the next drug and alcohol run party or people came around wanting one or the other to party then we would again be separated. All those years during and after Tommy, my second husband Coleman was still in my life and heart. 
He was handsome and just so damn gorgeous. He took my heart and breath. Even these days I have yet to hear anyone who could sing and pick a guitar, banjo or lap harp better than him. To this day I love a man called Coleman. I don't know if my feelings were returned he seemed sincere when we were together. 
Even with what I know now I still love Coleman, but know that his type are called players. Remember I learned early most humans are cold hearted and will always hurt you in one way or another. Coleman used to put my ass on the streets in Lexington. He thought I would sell my ass for him and bring the money home to daddy. 
When I got out of the car I kept on walking and didn't stop. He tried to take my money and be my pimp when I was dancing, but I always hauled ass out of the bars with other dancers and their boyfriends or husbands to get away from Coleman, but I still loved him. He even tried to trick me into staying at his apartment and letting him and his friends rape me one time. 
I told them I had some cocaine out in my truck if the wait I'll share with them. Of course I hauled ass, but I still loved and chased a worthless piece of shit called Coleman. He was a good fuck and he played guitar and sang. Seemed every human I've met in my life has hurt me somehow. Why do I have such a hard life?!
During these years of living on the streets men drugs and alcohol at some point I realized I had stepped right into my dads shoes! Everyone knew me as a street whore, a Winchester alcoholic and drug addict. It wasn't like that, I wasn't like that. I know my dad thought that about me. Every mother I've met said that. Everyone throughout life said that.
I'm writing my story telling it here that I was not a whore. Just what does a whore look like? How do you tell who is a whore and who is not? Jesus said; "Whoever is without sin cast the first stone" when they were going to stone to death someone who was said to be a whore. He also said; "It is best to spill your seed in a whore rather than waste it on the ground." 
As far as I know no one was left in charge of judging. Later in life I learned what whores are. They are women who let your man put their dick in them. So that makes the man a whore dog. On a cold snowy night Jeanie, Brenda, Diane and I went to a party with a lot of men. They had Purple Haze Acid hallucinogenics actually mescaline. 
One of the men was a real cutie long blonde hair with the adorable hazel eyes I wanted to be with him. He had asked Carolyn to take the mescaline with him, but she was pregnant and didn't want to be with anyone. She wanted the drugs and alcohol though. He asked me and I accepted so Bobby and I went into a room to be alone. 
I didn't have any experience in consensual sex. We both ate the hit of purple haze. We were both extremely attracted to each other clicked right away. We tore up that bed and room. It was so awesome he was so awesome. Strangest yet most wonderful experience having sex while tripping when two people consent. The orgasms are way more intense! 
I wanted more of Bobby acid drugs and alcohol. I didn't know anything about him. Where he lived or even the county what his entire name was no phone number or anything. He is a likely candidate to be Little Mary's daddy. I wanted to find Bobby. I wanted to be with him so bad. 
A couple big men that were at the party with Bobby said; "We will give you a ride to where Bobby lives." They took me under a bridge bent me over and took turns raping me then took turns beating the crap out of me then took turns having sex with me again. There wasn't any part on my body that didn't hurt by the time they drove off leaving me under that bridge. 
I never found Bobby by the way. All of that hurt so bad physically emotionally and mentally. I loved Coleman for many years even to this day. White people stayed clear of what was called Buck Town. White men up town even Coleman went there to get a black woman drugs and booze. 
God forbid a white woman go there for that same purpose you would be disowned by Colemand and everyone up town. There were places there I could go to the back doors and get whatever anyone uptown wanted. I remember the many years of street fights, bar fights, drinking, thieving, getting fucked up on alcohol and drugs and gun fights. 
Even us women had many street fights among ourselves. We were great thieves none as good as me. I found out the stereos, jewelry, crystal, clothing etc...that I stole, Jeanie and her sisters were stealing from me then selling them and giving them to their sister. 
One day we went shop lifting I waited till they got their bags pockets and everything full let them get all the way to the door of the vehicle. I was driving with no license or proper tags ins. etc...I hauled ass leaving them there looking straight in their faces when they went for the door handle to get in. Kiss My Ass! 
I learned the old saying is true back someone really scared into a corner the only way out is to come out like a Tasmanian devil. She cornered me in a parking lot after several months of dodging hiding even hitching back and forth to Indiana scared to death of them all. She started whipping up on me. It ended up I beat the crap out of her. 
I grow hard nails that even grill bricks don't chip them. I dug into her eye sockets with my nails and scratched my nails deep into her neck she was dealing with a Wild Banshee from Kentucky. I learned that men, drug's, alcohol and parties sometimes guarantee a place to sleep even if I had to have sex with someone. There wasn't much thought of food only survival.
Most times I managed to get out of having sex. There was always someone else with me more than willing to do it. Back then clap and crabs ran rapid a lot of the girls on the streets had diseases and infections. I didn't want to go down that road. I tried to keep myself clean although I was still homeless. 
Anyone could always find dependable me on the streets good for fun partying getting money alcohol and drugs. Stepping up in dad's shoes. I was a strip dancer for many years making good money so messed up all the time everyone would steal my money and drugs. That's a rough world no doubt.
While on a trip on LSD I found myself with no clothes on some women's couch. Kathy who had seven gorgeous pretty little black boys. So wild she let her boys drink and take small doses of drugs. It was sad so pitiful to watch them walk into walls while the adults laughed. I was so sick I could not move even a finger for weeks. Kathy got mad and said; "You have to go." 
Finding a little strength and an old dress I went to a clinic. The doctor said; "I was pregnant." I asked what that meant. He told me, but I still didn't quite understand. I was bringing a child into my messed up life and world? I asked him what caused this. I was never taught educated nor told about periods child birth sex and those stupid eggs! 
He said; "It was caused by having sex with men." What would I do now? This was how I got a place to sleep, got money, drugs, alcohol, but food wasn't an important issue. Sex? Sex caused this? I think my mom forgot to tell me something. What men don't get pregnant? How fuckered up is that? "That's my words "fuckered up" I made those two words up. 
I started living with Leonard, a man who was obsessed with me and was dealing in Orange Barrel Mescaline. That was all I was hanging around for. He had bright blonde hair huge blue eyes a real cutie Leonard. I wasn't in love or anything of the sort. I wouldn't let him or anyone hug me touch me play around with me. 
I don't know why I just couldn't let people men in particular touch me except to have sex. Otherwise I would not show any emotion nor promise anyone love, sex or even care. I couldn't stand anyone getting close in any way. Not physically emotionally nor mentally. 
Not bad nor good feelings. I have ran from everything in life and I guess I will continue to run. Leonard and a friend of his was really stoned, tripping. We were all tripping. They went to rob a filling station was caught and sent to prison. Also a candidate to be my first daughter's father along with Bobby and my uncle that raped me. 
I had no choice at this point except try to make it back to Indiana. I heard my parents moved back. See if they would help I was scared sick depressed and desperate. Many yards and sides of highways I stopped to lay down or throw up. I was so sick it took longer than ever before to get there.
When I got there they told me of course I couldn't stay I knew that would happen. Every time I tried to get mom and dad to like me all through life it was such a hurt. I really never thought about it all too much I was too busy trying to survive stay alive. I lived under a park table in snow again for awhile and picked up two jobs cleaning rooms at motels and hotels.
A women and her husband rented me a room. Her husband kept wanting sex when she was gone. She wanted the baby inside me to the point she was afraid she would take the baby from me when I had her so she kicked me out. I sat in their front yard for days in the snow crying hoping when they passed by me they would feel sorry for me and let me back in. 
They did pass by many times, but said nothing. She was now pregnant and no longer wanted my baby or me. I went back to the park to sleep under the table in the snow again. I paid them in advance for rent I didn't have enough to rent anything. This situation reminded me of another that happened years ago when Dad wanted to get rid of me an opportunity came. 
A man and woman needed someone to take care of their kids clean for room and board. Dad was glad once again to get rid of me. Her husband back tracked from work tore my blouse off chased me all over their house trying to rape me. Their son screaming and yelling brought attention to a neighbor lady who called the law. 
When his wife got home she kicked me out blamed it on me saying, "Dad was right he warned her I was a tramp and whore." She was pregnant I had her son in the tub with her eighteen month old baby taking a bath. She had kicked me out I had to leave her house and children were no longer my responsibility. She heard her three year old son screaming. 
When she got there her eighteen month old drown with the three year old trying to pull him out of the tub. She ran down the stairs tripped fell down the stairs lost the baby she was carrying. This story was later published in a True Story magazine I picked up. I recognized the names and knew this story was true I was there.
Under that picnic table it was hard to cry. So cold if I continued to cry it made it even colder in a pile of snow. Across the street was a red hand in a window that meant they would help anyone. I knocked on their door and asked if they had an old coat or blanket they could spare. The lady gave me an old mildewed curtain. 
I appreciated it and said; "Thank you" and used it anyway. I had a doctors appointment the next day. Getting out of the snow, crawling out from under the table I found the highway and started hitchhiking to find where the doctor was located. A Christian man picked me up took me to the doctor's appointment and even waited for me. 
He took me to his house to introduce me to his family said; "I could stay." He had an awesome family. Two teenage girls one teenage boy. We all helped each other keep the house cleaned. He called my parents asking them what kind of parents were they to let their pregnant daughter sleep in the streets and snow? 
This family was pissed really freaked out when they found out dad was a Pentecost Preacher. I stayed with the Christian family and helped them till I went into labor. Mom came to the hospital. She told me dad said; "She can home if she signs the baby over to us." I didn't understand that signing my name on a piece of paper was giving away my baby so I did. 
After the papers were signed they wouldn't let me hold her bath her nor feed her. They kept yelling screaming at each other all the time keeping the baby upset and crying all the time. They were constantly yelling at me about the baby crying all the time. That's when mom jerked her out my hands and said; "You will never be a good mother." 
I kept stealing her and leaving. The law kept finding me taking her and I back to my parents. They now owned my baby?! Mom took me to the highway told me to get out. I kept coming back they had my baby I didn't care nor understand the legality behind all this. She was a pretty baby with blue eyes and blonde hair like her father/s and mother. 
Every man I had ever been with at that point was blonde with blue eyes. After being ran off time and again depressed, crying hurt as hell I gave up. I finally left. Went back to the streets of Winchester, Kentucky where I knew I could survive. I hooked back up with those women so I could get hooked back up with the men who would pay me for sex. 
By then it wasn't just a matter of needing a place to sleep, I also needed drugs and alcohol my body craved alcohol and drugs. Okay so it wasn't my body craving I wanted drugs and alcohol like that better? Still running into Coleman once in awhile and was always sad every time we had to separate. I love that man and always will. 
Coleman if your out there I will always love you even if you never loved me. Anyone I hooked up with would never be faithful, never love me, never get to know me, never tell the truth about anything. They only wanted to abuse me mentally or physically. No one would ever give me what I wanted which was honesty, care and affection. 
Someone to return the care and love I had to give. Since all I had ever seen so far was abuse, violence, incest, lies, alcohol, drugs and cheating it was hard to believe in anyone. These days I don't give a shit! The only way I could cope with everything from the past, present and God help me the future would be to never let anyone touch me emotionally or physically. 
No hugs no emotions nothing. I'll never tell anyone I love them or care about them. I lived many years on the streets and highways with violent beatings, knives or guns at my throat and head, rapes and getting deeper into drugs and alcohol JUST trying to survive. Hindsight I should have been a little smarter about things in life. 
Even in old age I'm still being stupid believing what people and men tell me. I'm still falling for men's lies. I won't give them my love they can't have that. There has got to be something left for me. You know the story "Footprints In The Sand?" I was regularly fucking a glue huffer. Him and his friend huffed glue, a nasty horrible addiction and smell. 
When doing it for long periods of time you can't get rid of the smell from your mouth or body. He kept having sex with a girl that was gross nasty all kinds of infections she huffed glue with him. Lord only knows what kind of diseases. I always kept myself clean though living on the streets there are service stations with soap in some form or another. 
You won't deteriorate if you use it for both body, teeth and hair. He would not stop having sex with her. Kept professing his love for me begging me not to leave him yet he wouldn't leave this gross woman alone. We all went one night to the town white people called Buck Town to party in P.J. Washington's bar. 
P.J. always let me in the back door after hours to sell me anything anyone wanted long as they stayed parked uptown. The nasty glue sniffin tramp went with us. I'm not prejudice people who are to me are close minded and irritate me. Remember my dad was a Pentecost preacher mostly preached in black churches. 
Black people to me have more love care morals and life about them than most all colors of people I've ever met. Prejudice close minded or abusive men will give my story a bad review. They won't like me bashing abusive men nor loving black people. I do know that JeffKnowsStuff and many reviewers will take offense to a white woman loving black men/people. 
Let's put it this way yes I would love for any of my children to bring home a black man. I would approve 100%. As long as they treated each other right. Did that answered most of your questions? Don't like it refer to my first book; "# Kiss My Ass. To get even with and get rid of him I picked out the best looking black man in the place gorgeous. 
Jesse had a huge afro and fell in love with me. We moved into a cheap trailer P.J. owned no water or electric. Off and on over the last few years I was having sex with a member of a biker gang called the Iron Horseman. He was an albino. He really liked me a lot. Carried me out many parties on his shoulder to be with me. He was like a protective shadow. 
The deal with bikers was you had to share your wife woman or each other even during initiations. I was pregnant by Scotty, but didn't know for sure it was his. We had no idea whether the baby was Scotty's or Jesse's. Jesse was praying it was his. It would be obvious either way Scotty was Albino, Jesse was a black man. 
Jesse kept sneaking off to hotels with Kathy. The lady with all the gorgeous little black boys who kicked me out when I was pregnant with my first daughter. Jesse's mother father sisters and brothers loved me. They kept running him down dragging him out of hotels with her.
We fought over her such a fight he almost killed me and the baby! He beat me so badly I went into labor with no way of getting to the hospital. He was still beating me when his sister showed up interrupted I was free enough to run. I had long since been disowned by everyone up town. None of my old running buddies would help me.
Jesse was running after me trying to catch up with me I hid waited till he passed then ran to Scotty's apartment told him the baby is his please take me to the hospital. Drugged out drunk he said; "No" he passed out. Panicking I hid behind the entrance door. Jesse passing by couldn't see me. It didn't dawn on him to look behind the door. 
I was tripping on acid through all this. Hours later he was gone gave up went somewhere else to look. I called an uncle who owned a Harley Davidson. He came and took me to the hospital. It was time to release me I had no where to go with the baby. Jeanie moved to Lexington, KY. I hitchhiked there in a snow storm with the baby. 
I was fucking another man who had been going with a women who had what we call on the streets Clap or Gonorrhea. I tried to give the baby a bottle and couldn't move any part of my body. He came to see me. I accused him of giving me some kind of disease. He started slapping me around. 
He beat me so bad not only was I almost paralyzed from the disease now I was bloody and beat up. I took the baby back out into the snow storms hitchhiked to the hospital they gave me shots for pain to help me be able to move shots for Gonorrhea they said; "We have to keep the baby." 
The baby had double pneumonia and a broken collar bone he was hooked to a bunch of machine's under a tent. Emotionally physically financially destroyed I went to Scotty told him the baby was obviously his solid white hair white eyebrows pink eyes all the gorgeous features of an Albino. 
Scotty could no longer deny it was his and went to the hospital with me to see the baby. I went to Scotty's apartment that night I was running from Jesse. Sometime during the running and fighting with Jesse I asked Scotty to take me to the hospital. He said; "I'm too drunk and high leave me alone." 
Now he was crying saying, "There is no denying this baby how pretty beautiful he was." The baby was released we went to stay with Scotty thinking he would marry me. I finally named the baby giving him everyone's name that had been in my life "Shawn Lee Scott Rose Arnold." I was still carrying the Arnold name, Bobby's name the man with the hook on his arm.
One day I came to where I thought was home or going to be at Scotty's. The entire biker gang was there. They told me to get out if I ever came around again they would kill me. I went back to living in the streets for almost two years I sat across the street inside a laundry mat which had a huge glass window out front where I could see my son. 
No one ever knew I was there feeling like I was only put on this earth to have children to give them to other people to raise and love. Then ALWAYS getting kicked to the streets. I wanted to see once again if mom and dad would let me see my baby girl which by the way before the adoption dad fought over her name. I named her after Bobby "Bobby Lynn". 
Dad hated this he said; "That's a boy's name you have to name her Mary Etta." Then I named her Love Etta "Lovetta" they didn't like this name either. They named her what they wanted "Mary Etta." They again moved back to Florida I hitchhiked there somehow went right to the house all the way from Kentucky. 
The house I went to was 22 Street in Dade City, Florida. This was where my mom and dad went to hide with my daughter. Remember this for future references. They would not let me hold her talk to her nothing. She kept reaching out for me to pick her up calling me mommy they told her she's not your mommy. They told me I had to leave. 
I couldn't see very well because of the tears and what I saw brought more tears. A girl passed by me in the door way she looked just like me even the same shag hair cut. It dawned on me on the highway hitchhiking back to Kentucky this was my baby sister I had just seen it was like looking into a mirror. She had come to visit I guess and was turned away also. 
That was the first time I had seen her since dad sent her away. I hooked back up with Jeanie and her sisters. Jeanie was driving someone's Cadillac. She said; "I'm staying in a hotel with an old man he has a lot of money he is willing to spend it on us." I did not know she told the man I would have sex with him. 
Still young still had a great body with long blonde hair. My body had not been fucked by life yet nor by all I had done and been through so far. When the old man met me he wanted me. He already told Jeanie he didn't want her. She had red hair. He told her to go look for him a blonde. He gave me $100.00 and told me to go buy some clothes and food. 
I didn't know yet that I was supposed to have sex with him. Jeanie went with me. We ran into three men friend's of her's and went back to the hotel. The men got out with big chains and tire irons. I asked what they were going to do. They came back with blood all over them the tire iron and chains. I was scared to question them any further. 
Jeanie had set all of us up in the same day. Later during the night we loaded up a riding mower I thought was their's. Hours later we were pulled over they were arrested for murder and stealing the riding lawn mower. They brutally beat that nice old man killed and robbed him. Jeanie and I were told not to leave town we were material witnesses in this murder trial. 
Jeanie lied about everything in court saying, "I was prostituting the old man was one of my customers." The men who did this paid my way to leave the state. Not realizing the seriousness of this I welcomed the money then hitchhiked back to Florida to try to see my daughter once again turned away. 
When I got back I was arrested for leaving the county and state after turning around and hitchhiking back. That really truly sucked! That house on 22nd St. in Dade City is where my mother died of uterine cancer many years down the road. Dad blew his head off.
There were a lot of bad things these girls were doing I should have left them alone many times. We went to a party with a bunch of men well known for hurting women. Rumors are these men gang banged one of the girl's in town well known for carrying disease's. She gave it to ALL of them. They turned her upside down poured High Karate into her vagina.
We went to their house to party. I didn't know what the girls wanted to do. I sat in the living room playing solitaire waiting for them to get through having sex with them. This was what I thought they were doing. After hours I was tired of waiting was going to leave when Jeanie came into the room. 
I had a pair of neat trucker looking glasses I left sitting on their table. Jeanie said; "We are trying to roll the men." That meant steal their money. I knew they would not leave till they got all the men's money. I bravely walked into each one of their bedrooms got their billfolds out took their money handed it to the girls and said; "Now can we leave?" 
We had only taken a total of $13.00 enough to buy us all a hot dog and fries. While eating at the restaurant the men came in. I was paralyzed with fright! The girls told them I planned and did it all. They smashed my glasses up in front of me. I knew I left them sitting on the table where I was playing solitaire in their house. 
We couldn't very well go back to get them after robbing them. They told me when I left that restaurant what they did to my glasses they were going to do to me. I was so scared. I watched them get into their car and sit there waiting for me. I told the girls I was going to the restroom and left out the back door. 
I went to the highway not caring where I was going just in a hurry to get as far away as I could. I hitchhiked around from state to state for months not knowing what to do or where to go. Upon returning to Kentucky I was again arrested for leaving the state. While going into court hand cuffed and shackled a man named Tommy saw me and fell in love with me. 
He begged friends who were friends of both of us to introduce us. Tommy was in court also for being a material witness. Jeanie made me look like a prostitute in front of him God and everyone in Winchester during the entire trial. Scotty paid helped me get out of jail I was released to the streets at the least I had my freedom back. 
There was a huge barn jam out in the country lots of well known local bands were going to be there. Tons of drugs alcohol good company jamming out. It was a party of all parties in this little hick town. I was dating, fucking and going to the barn jam with a gorgeous Chinese looking guy called Angel. 
An Angel he was and looked! Everyone wanted to be with him fuck him, but he wanted only me. Coleman was going to be there this means it's all up for grabs. I don't care who goes with who if there is a chance of being with Coleman. Sherry a good friend of mine went with us. She had the hots for Angel. 
Angel had the hots for her too, but they were both good friends so they would not do anything without Angel and me breaking up or a threesome or something being worked out. She knew Coleman was going to be at this barn jam. Sherry asked me if I was through with Angel and could she have him. He didn't mind neither did I real sweethearts. 
I knew with my life and his there was no way we could survive. I agreed to marry Tommy Johnston. An easy way off the streets into automatic good standing in the community. It broke my heart to walk out that back door of that abandoned building where Angel and I were staying. He was homeless too. He was adorable. We had a lot of fun together. 
We climbed into trees above the Kentucky river and threw fire works and jumped off into the river. We had sex on a hay ride going through town. Tommy was on the side of the street while Angel and me rode by in the back of a truck on a hay ride fucking, but didn't recognize me. I wanted a home. A regular place to sleep at night. 
I could not get my life together with Angel. Not with both of us homeless and neither of us had any training or much education. I didn't love Tommy, but I thought I could tolerate him to get a regular place to sleep and a regular life. It was a long violent nightmare! Coleman and Angel went to the barn jam with Sherry and me. 
I had a hard decision between Coleman the man I loved and Angel who I adored and surely didn't want to give him up to no one. There was no promise or commitment nor future to be made with either of them. Neither one of them wanted no more than sex and parties. They was not willing to do anything for themselves or me. 
Coleman went with other women all the time and parties. Was I supposed to wait for him to be ready to settle down or to ever want just me? Or wait my turn over and over for life? Or stay with Angel who was so irresponsible he thought living in abandoned buildings and alleys was fun. Drugs and alcohol were plentiful especially for a woman. 
Th music was loud and excellent. Everyone was fucked up out of their brains. Looking above the band in the rafters in the barn behind the band was a man was sitting in the top of the barn. This was the first time I actually saw Tommy. Tommy had a bird's eye view of the concert. I decided the heck with Coleman and Angel. 
I was passing up the opportunity to be with Coleman or Angel. I climbed up into the barn and made it to where Tommy was. It was the man who passed me while I was hand cuffed on the way to court. We left early together knowing the law was going to be surrounding all areas and wanted to avoid this. 
Before I met him there had been many times the law waded through creeks raiding parties arresting the majority of friends. Being from the mountains I could run faster hide easier and be quiet. I always escaped being arrested during big bust.
Most times I went to Ohio bringing back balloons and bottles full of Cocaine Meth Heroine and bottles of Black Beauties I was getting from a black biker gang called Mad Dogs. I could always get Coleman's attention with drugs he was called Coleman he used to huff Coleman fuel. 
Being from the mountains knowing how to survive hunting fishing frog gigging looking for Poke or Shawnee for greens looking for water from moss hunting down and storing berries of all sorts for jams or jellies. Later we learned more about technology and how to make better jams, jellies and jarring techniques.
The mountains teaches you patience to be still and quiet to blend in with nature. This is useful in escaping many beatings, rapes and drug bust knowing the mountains well and wasn't scared of much. I would run for the hills far fast as I could hide still quiet in woods while they passed on by. 
I didn't want anything like this happening on most of these nights I would get to be with Coleman if I had a ton of drugs. What a thing to have in common drugs and alcohol. I think now that most couples without alcohol their relationship would fall apart. 
Tommy had a good job knew rich people had a good family well liked or loved by a lot of rich people in good standing in the community I thought. This was my opportunity to finally get off the streets. He wasn't bad looking tolerable and totally in love with me. 
I could not let my love for Coleman nor lust for Angel stop my chance to have a good life get off the streets maybe even have a family and go back to school. I wanted to have children no one could take from me. I didn't love Tommy after all I had been through in life 
I could set aside petty things like I was not in the least interested nor attracted to Tommy. I was willing to give him all and be faithful to get off the streets. His mother, Katy and sister, Karen and brother, Glenn hated me. His father, Billy thought the world of me. We never separated after that night, but it was still a hard road. 
Katy locked us out of the house fought this relationship with every power she had in her. She did a lot of bad things to us even using people of the community to get us separated. She said; "Your a tramp whore from the streets not worthy of her son." We lived, ate slept and fucked in a barn in the top loft for almost a year till we got an apartment. 
He let me drive his nice cars with no license, incorrect tags, no insurance, drunk and drugged up. He gave me money to eat on every day which I spent on drugs. He never got mad he did drugs with me. First two years I was not secure in this after all what ever went my way in life? 
What man has ever shown any love, affection, commitment, concern or just the common courtesy of not having sex with anyone else till we were through? I was still seeing Coleman off and on for the first part of the marriage. Wasn't taking this marriage that serious nor didn't want to give up Coleman nor money. I planned on stopping just didn't know when. 
I was also still seeing one of the men who paid me for sex. Bert was always sitting on main street somewhere waiting to see me everyday. He was a painter and made good money. Over many years he took care of me while I was living on the streets in abandoned buildings on the court house steps in jails in and out of abusive relationships. 
If I ever told him I was through with other men he would have married me no matter what I had done in life or where I had been in life or how many men I had been with. He was a really good man and good friend. He would know somehow when I had enough of the streets and show up to rescue me take me somewhere to get something to eat get some sleep. 
Of course I always had to have sex with him, but he was gentle quick polite had a huge dick. If I say no he abided by that helped me anyway. He's probably dead now. I never got a chance to thank him for being there for me for so many years tolerating me through Coleman, Angel, Scotty, Jessie and Tommy. 
He cared deeply for me. He knew Coleman was wrong and bad for me along with all the others, but he never pushed. He did warn me he felt Tommy was going to end up abusive I would be in a lot of danger. I didn't listen to anyone.
Three years into the marriage we were developing a relationship. I felt Tommy and I were secure I felt this might work. I stopped seeing everyone for the chance of having a normal life. Finally willing to settle down and be faithful though I didn't love him couldn't stand him had no bearing on having a home security food shelter and maybe children. 
Someone who would love me really care for me. Next couple of years it was hard getting a life started together. To start we had a huge wedding lots of rich people there who supported this marriage blessed it gave us rich gifts. I'd never seen so much crystal brass silver and stainless steel. Tommy's mother picked out the dress I was to wear. 
I was offended to wear what she told me I had to wear at her son's wedding. The dress was ugly. I cut half the bottom off. I made it really short just to make her mad. I made a pair of matching panties and a bikini out of the rest of the material AND wore it to the wedding. She WAS mad! 
Glenn, her other son, Tommy's younger brother and all those rich men were going out of their way to look. Two years into the marriage Tommy introduced me to his pet bird called BAD ASS. A a rooster!? Why would someone carry around pet on to talk to a rooster? It was a fighting game cock.
After months of begging I took hold of this bird and started learning all there was to know about cock fighting. I was introduced to older men from the mountains experienced game cock fighters. Ole' man Earnest Roe kept Tommy's birds on his farm. A few years down the road I found myself with a back yard full of the best breeds of game birds. 
I was breeding, conditioning, handling and was backed up and being trained, taught and sponsored by the best in the business. For many years I put metal tags under their wings with numbers to be able to claim your bird if anyone stole it. Keeping records of all the birds and their ancestors. This was a rough world I was getting into loved every minute of it.
Many of us fighters carried bottles of whiskey into the fights in our back pockets. It was perfectly fine in all the arena's to have drugs, alcohol whatever you wanted to bring. It was considered good sportsmanship to share everything with everyone. The only rule was to be discrete stay in your stalls with your birds when participating.
I carried a 38 pistol on my side at all times. I exercised conditioned the birds all day and most nights since this was mostly a night time sport. I was shooting vitamins speed and the like into the birds mouth during the fights making them faster healthier and feeding them oyster shells to make them horny to fight better. 
I was conditioning hundreds of birds every day and night taking unsuspecting country boys money. We were going to arenas barns many scratch fights in the mountains hills of Kentucky and Tennessee winning many trophies.
Tommy shot speed into me in turn I spit it into the birds mouth sending him directly into the fight always to claim my bird and take the gaffs out and off unharmed and a winner. I had Niger Round Heads and Reds to cross over with, White Hackles and Greys. We had long since moved out of the apartment and bought a trailer. 
I sold our trailer making enough profit to get a house. It had holes with rats I rebuilt the entire house making it a nice home for us. Tommy taught me to be one of the best Game Cock fighters or handlers in two states in our opinion. We were running a Kennel breeding, selling and training champion hunting Beagles and Pit Bulls trophy winners. 
My main breeding Beagle, Cindy had a room full of trophies. My pit bull was named Sarah after Stevie Nick's song. Her dad's name was Satan. Sarah's dad and mom won hundreds of fights before the law finally found them and put them to sleep. They knew Satan had a daughter, but didn't know who owned her. 
Only thing wrong with everything was I still didn't love Tommy nor even attracted to him, but I did say, "I do" so I was willing to be a wife faithful forever puke after I have to fuck him. I would never tell him I loved him because I didn't. Hell I didn't even tell Coleman that so why would I tell him something that wasn't true?
I wouldn't let him touch me romance wise wouldn't let him hug me or anything of the sort. I always felt anytime a human hugged or touched you it would only mean pain for me one way or another. I know there will only be hurt in the end so why let a human touch you in any way? I knew I was going to get hurt somehow. 
It drove Tommy insane I wouldn't tell him I loved him or be affectionate with him. I did my wifely duties and it was just that. We did have a lot in common and wanted a life together so I thought. We both loved fighting chickens hunting fishing raising training and selling dogs. 
I caught 9 Bass all over 9-10 pounds each I mounted them all on my walls of our home. I had the man that mounted them save the meat for us. Funny thing. I woke up Tommy was fishing with a large broken back minnow. I went out stood next to him threw out a smaller broken back minnow BOOM the fight with a large mouth Bass was on. 
It was hilarious it landed right next to his. I was making Tommy so jealous catching huge Bass all the time. There is no bigger reward or thrill to me in life compares to fighting with a large mouth Bass. Tommy never wanted a family. Tommy's dad, Billy Sr. held his first grandson, Billy Jr. the day he died. 
I took little Billy to the gas station where Tommy's dad, Billy Sr. worked. Billy Sr. said; "I dream of this day I live only to see and hold my first grandson." His dream I made come true. His heart exploded during the night. Hated as I was by Katy I was Tommy and Katy's only comfort during this hard time. 
How could Katy after all the things she's done to me want me to comfort her? Tommy's brother and sister were of no comfort they were dumb asses. I sat at Katy's family's dinner table through many holidays feeling so sad inside wanting to cry. I had to sit there pretending to enjoy everything knowing I wasn't wanted in this house or by this family. 
Katy poisoned me a total of three times it took three or four weeks to get over the food poisoning each time. I was so out of place at family dinners, holiday dinners or any family functions. I didn't know Tommy had been going with other women all this time. Two were my friends a few others were a gypsy some no name tramp and a well known cut throat. 
I finally had somewhat of a life although sex or any affection had dwindled to nothing long ago. I didn't care nor talk of anything. Our house was being eaten up by termites, roaches, rats with nasty varmint humans living next door. These varmints next door wanted to threaten us fight day and night. 
They take me to court I take them to court went on for a lot of years. I tried to be nice to these people, but they were so ignorant being nice made them worse enemies. Ina threatened to whip my ass the entire nine months I was pregnant with Chastity. Kiss my ass Ina! Her kid was my kid's best friend. 
I tried to be their best friend I gave her an entire wardrobe of nice clothes which were used for their animals to shit on. We all got drunk together smoked pot together partied together yet they are still going to be total ass holes? 
They poisoned an entire litter of pure champion blood Beagles. Okay so they wanted to continue playing rough? It's on bitches. Want to play with my ass? I got Billy Graham to take their mutt dog which was always spreading Parvo to my pure breeds to the mountains to let Sarah's parents play tug of war with it. Hey this one didn't involve me. 
This was all Tommy and Billy Graham's idea. These rats next door always had mutts that were killing many pure bred litters of champion running Beagles and an entire litter of 18 pit-bull pups. Mutts carry parvo. Anyone who hunts or raises and sells pure bloods understand this. The dumb asses wanted to fight birds with us oh how funny is this going to be? 
We sold them a useless rooster that would not fight. These ignorant asses let me gaff up their bird. I gaffed it up wrong and loose laughing my ass off. I killed their bird took their money never laughed so hard in my life. Chastity fell against a dresser in Ina and Ward's house. 
She got 12 stitches across her head so I took Ina to court claiming she hurt my baby girl. I won. I yelled at her after so many courts saying, "Ya'll still want to play my fucking ass?" I stomped her ass several times into the ground and didn't stop stomping for a long time. She was always threatening to whip my ass. Especially when I'm pregnant. 
I jumped out of my van one day when she was walking down the street to let her whip my ass. You understand now don't ya? I shot guns at them all the time just to show them they are NOT going to whip our asses. These varmints were scared shitless to come out of their own house. 
The ultimate get back was when they tried to tell me the tree I fish under all the time was on their property I had to quit fishing there. I paid to have a land survey of my land done I wanted to put up chain link between us and these idiots. As irony would have it the tree was on our property. 
I had a chain link fence put all around my back yard enclosing that tree in my property. To add insult to injury I had chain link put all around the front yard too right up through the middle of their front yard that is where my property lines ran. 
They were so pissed with arms crossed walking up and down looking at the fence that was now one step outside their front door I said; "Like that?" I was standing there with the 357 daring them to start a fight. Maybe it wasn't too wise of Tommy always having an arson on hand. 
Katy talked to us every day telling us how to burn our house down saying, "She would stand by us let us stay with her for some of the money planning everything out for us." We were both in a lot of trouble with the law at the time so it was sounding good. 
Cept we were criminals. We lived like criminals, thought like criminals so she didn't need to coax nor tell us how to do it. The people next door, Ina and Wart were crazy. I was now pregnant with Chastity. Her brother, little Billy was named after his grandfather and he was everything to me. My buddy and my partner.
Ina, our neighbor kept threatening to whip my ass if I didn't stop feeding her kid taking him into my house to feed him. Her son, Kenny and Billy were best friends to this day I believe those two boys stayed friends. Tommy had an arson of guns some illegal a 357 Magnum, a 44 Magnum both Smith and Wesson, a couple 30 ott 6s. 
And a Browning Sweet 16 with high powered scopes, many 16 gauge shotguns and rifles, many 12 gauges, an Aussie and Mouser's the list could go on. I hope I listed the guns correctly as to not look like I don't know what I'm talking about.
I took the 357 shot at Irma she jerked her head in missing her face by less than 1/4 an inch. I singed her door. Had she not moved so quickly it would have gotten her dead square in the face. They put three different terrorist charges on me. Heavy felonies. We trained and hunted so I'm an excellent aim. I don't pull one just to scare nor play any games! 
If I pull one I'll use it. Dead still silent dark of night Tommy and I parked the Harley on the property behind our house. Climbed over our own fence with a gallon of gas Tommy and I burned down our house then robbed that neighbor who robbed us for years then stole away in the still quiet dark of night. 
Well it wasn't silent our dogs were barking hundreds of roosters were crowing making quite a scene. Roosters are like guard dogs they constantly crow loud. Franky used to come to our house everyday to smoke pot drink beer or moonshine with us talking with us for hours. Everyday we had guns expensive knives missing and our gas tank was drained. 
I had a feeling it was Franky who was stealing from us all along. One day a few days before we were going to burn our house down Franky came to ask a favor of us. He asked if we would mind keeping an eye on his house for a couple of weeks while him and his wife went to Florida. Smiling my ass off of course we were glad to do this. 
The night he left before we were going to set fire to our home I went to Franky's house put socks on my hands climbed in his tiny bathroom window. I went right for the fake wall in his bedroom closet found all our guns he had stolen over the years from Tommy and me. 
How I knew it had to be him doing all the thieving the day he asked us to watch his house I found his toboggan cap under our gas tank after someone just siphoned the full tank out we had. The camper shell had been cut with a pocket knife to get the guns from the back of Ole' Blue. I asked him if I could borrow his pocket knife to open a package I had in my hand. 
He reached it to me jerked it back I seen the plastic resin on the knife knew with the hat and the knife I was right. I took all our guns back. I left the house open then told some professional thief friends of our's that the front door was open have fun and by the way that Harley out back with all the huge chains on it that shouldn't be a problem. 
They even took his Harley Davidson which was tied up with three huge log chains. We found ourselves in jail with 9 felonies each on us. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you. I bet you can guess we did have two other things in common besides drugs and alcohol. We both had serious attitudes. We could get anything we wanted. Moonshine wasn't a problem to keep on hand. 
I was going further into being an alcoholic and drug addict the only world I knew. This was the way everyone lived there was NO other life. Tommy had arson grand theft burglary rape that the gypsy put on him when her and her husband found they were getting no money out of this well 9 felonies each. 
I had arson 3 criminal mischief 3 terrorist threats lots of DUI's no license breaking and entering grand theft burglary. I paid a lawyer Charles Coy from Coy Coy and Gilbert $9,000.00 to get all the charges dropped. These days their office is Coy and Gilbert or just Coy not sure. Afterwards we stayed with his mother to share some of the money. 
I bought her wine everyday and rubbed her back every day after I worked every day paid rent paid Karen to watch the kids while I worked. Katy kicked us out! I took our van the kid's and went to live beside a gorgeous running creek at the foot of a mountain broke and the money had still not come yet. 
It was illegal to camp out on the property where we had once lived with the burned down house being there. My kids had no food. My dog's and chickens burned up in the fire. The ones that survived eventually died from being in tiny cages at a friend's houses it got too hard traveling everywhere to feed and train them.
We loaded the center of the house with dynamite to be sure it would go down. It gutted it! The firemen even backed out. Every closet was loaded down with ammunition. Tommy was still seeing other women never coming to the creek where his kids and I lived for over a year. His kids were starving. 
He had an account at a bar and store combination and one at a friend's bar down the road on the Kentucky River. Eating and drinking good while we were starving had nothing. I went to store and bar got the kids food something hot to eat on Tommy's account.
The money finally came I bought a double wide, but we had to live in a long single wide for awhile till we/I could get the burned down house out of there. Using a come along,, hammers, crowbars and sledge hammers. I tore down and hauled the old burned down house out all by myself. Took a long time, but I did it! Nothing left, but ground with a huge hole.
With heavy chains on my back I hauled railroad ties out of that mountain where we had lived below to build a foundation for our new home. It was hard work. I wrapped chains around the railroad ties then let them slide down the mountain. I got enough to build a foundation for our new home. I Bought a new truck, but still had no license. 
Enough drugs, alcohol and moonshine to last a long time. I went to Ohio where Karen had taken my kids. I put the 44 Magnum in her face and forced her to give back my babies. They were all scuffed and scratched up from running the streets and fighting on the pavement all the time with her three kids. They were under nourished and dehydrated. 
It was so sad to see my babies in this shape living with a real tramp. Karen's thing was going with a lot of men which was why she joined the army. Her babies all have different fathers. On this note I've no room to talk, but they said; "I was a street whore and tramp." I personally think she fits that bill or shoes better.
It all was coming to a halt after being faithful all those years staying home raising my kids canning jamming taking care of a lot of tier gardens conditioning breeding fighting hundreds of game cocks never going anywhere. This was all I wanted or needed from life.
Tommy gave my house keys my truck keys and truck to some bimbo he was having sex with. I didn't know a lot about what he had done or was doing. He came home and asked where I had been I had been no where I was changing the babies diapers. Tommy was a huge big man! Clint Eastwood he thought he was. Cowboy type dude Mr. bad ass himself! 
What happened next no excuse on earth for! He hit me dead in my face knocked me down our hallway I was out. I laid out for hours waking to find little Billy over me crying. I couldn't make sense of this violence. Tommy left when he came back he brought some bimbo to the house. I asked what he planned on doing with her. He said; "Fuck her in our bed." 
He locked me and the kids in Chastity's bedroom. We climbed out the window went in the front door. I opened the bedroom door Chastity Little Billy and me went in sat down to watch the show his own children saw them having sex. I thought maybe this was something he would want his kids to see you understand? This turns it into child abuse you understand? 
We ran while he was taking his dick out of the bimbo. He strapped on his guns and went looking for me and the kids. Me and the kids were hiding in bushes for hours till way after dark while he drove around the neighborhood with his guns looking for us. I hitchhiked with the kids to a shelter in Lexington. Leaving my home walking with two children once again. 
This we had done many times during this marriage. He always begged me to come home. I didn't want to give up my home nor my life. I most certainly was not giving up my children to no ONE! I lost two children so over my dead body will anyone get Billy and Chastity. Years later it was almost over my dead body.
The beatings were so bad he destroyed me everyday. My face stayed mauled up. My lips torn twisted and busted. Eyes always black purple blood shot and swollen. I hung my head all the time. I was a mess to look at. It wasn't bad enough all the things men had done to me so far in life. I should have a little more common sense and not trust humans by this time. 
It will probably be near death before I realize this and stop being stupid about men relationships believing that stupid Cinderella crap. Sometimes I thought he would kill me I hated him! This man took me to such a high level of fear. I no longer had any feelings or respect for this man except hate. He forced me to continue having sex with him. 
It had already been very rare and emotionally draining for me when it did happen. When I met Tommy he had been in on a gang bang with the same girl that gave them men clap Tommy was in on that gang bang and he gave it to me. All those years I never said anything about knowing about it. We both had quietly taken care of it.
Every time we had sex it made me so sad sick and disgusted. I would go in the bathroom into the walk in closet cry throw up and go back out like nothing was wrong. I was to show no emotions no crying no happiness none of the pleasurable noises that are supposed to accompany good sex and feelings. 
Sex has not presented itself very pleasurable except for a few of the good encounters. One with Leonard who went to prison, Bobby the married twin, Bobby a stranger I never saw again, Angel who didn't want a life and Coleman. These were pleasurable moments?! A one night stand with an acid freak thief who went to prison that night for robbing a gas station. 
A one night stand with a married man who's wife is cut throat, a one night stand with a stranger from an acid party and his friends beat and raped me, Angel who wanted to party forever and Coleman, a man I chased in vein for many years. 
That one night stand was the one whose two friends raped, beat and left me under a bridge and chasing down more or less stalking a man called Coleman who instigated the situation by making it look like true love every time we were together though I knew the truth he was going with a lot of women most were so called friends of mine.
These were the only three pleasurable ones? Kind of messed up don't ya think? The rest I've already told about wasn't worth mentioning and I don't want to relive some of it right now. All the rest were incest violent and abusive. Not that any situations were different they just had my consent. I'm considered what men call damaged merchandise. 
Someone who has been badly abused all through life and will never be able to handle normal relationships. Well what the hell do you men consider a normal relationship anyway? I think I've done my part at trying all you men want to do is play stupid games rape abuse get violent when you don't get your way or get pussy or blow jobs. Kiss My Ass!
Men tell me all the time don't put them in the same category as my past men. This is just another line used to get the pussy or blow job. I'm not putting anyone in any category I just plain outright don't want to fuck don't need a reason it's MY pussy. Kiss My Ass!
Tommy shot at me I heard the bullet pass by my ears. You never forget the sound of a bullet when it passes by you that close. Especially from a 357 or 44 Magnum. I was running from him when a man on a Harley came by and picked me up not knowing he picked up a woman with a crazy man with guns chasing and shooting at her.
That biker must have thought I was a crazy biker bitch cuz I kept telling him go faster faster faster. Especially after hearing that 357 Magnum bullet zing past my ear or was it the 44 Magnum?! That man on the Harley never knew what danger he was in. 
I was sick of the beatings guns violence other women fucking and sucking him our truck our house and our money. What is it with you men you want to try as many women as possible before you die? Are all our pussies that different? Is not any ONE pussy special enough for men to stick with only one? Stand still be real with someone?
Is this all there is for me in life getting my heart jerked out daily since the times from when I can remember? I've seen a lot of death in life. I know nothing more than anyone else has gone through. Deaths something strange about them. I have visions of things that happen later. I don't mind looking at dead people. 
Usually I have some kind of traumatic strange unexplainable experience's when a spirit goes. I see death their spiritual destination. I can believe in anything I want can't I? I see death as something that is not a threat. Of course I'm scared of it just like anyone else. 
I look on a dead shell of a human in a casket or body bag or whatever I see a peaceful place I want to be. A peacefulness no human can imagine. A shell that no longer has to be maintained. That will no longer feel pain on any level. Nothing else can hurt them now. There was that strange incident before my great grandmother who was full Cherokee Indian died. 
She knew I was listening to her although I showed no emotions. At times maybe she couldn't tell if I was listening or off in my own world. I was listening I think she knew I was. My older sister is the only one I remember sitting at her feet with me listening to her tell her stories. She was an awesome woman.
Mom and her mom my grandma were talking about my great grandma dying. Judy, mom's sister my aunt and I were chasing each other going in between mom and grandma. We stopped dead in between them froze like in a freezer. I was coherent, but couldn't move. It was like standing in a block of ice. 
I saw mom and grandma's hair go straight up in the air and come back down. They continued talking about the same subject they had left off at paused and said; "What just happened?" Mom said; "The hand of death just past by grandma's spirit just passed." I think everyone cried a lot except me. It wasn't that I didn't care I just didn't see anything sad about death.
I didn't want to be left here in this cold hearted world to survive on my own. Mom said; "It was the hand of death passed through." I knew even if there was a man in my life or not I would still always be alone in life. Alone void of physical presence of a human's real love care sincerity honesty you know your basic Cinderella princess type story. 
There would never be anyone in my life to care or love me not one human soul! So why do I still do stupid stuff like believing in people continue to have Faith in people? Why fall for men's bull time and again? Most are not worth what any woman has to offer. Judy Martin my aunt mom's sister is two years older than me. 
She didn't know exactly what happened when grandma's spirit passed. I was frozen paralyzed, but could see and feel what happened. When standing in front of her coffin I was jealous and sad that I had to stay happy she went, but hurt that it wasn't me or I couldn't go with her. 
The hard slap of my older sister's hand across my face woke me from my little dazed thoughts of how peaceful she looked. She slapped me and said; "Don't you have any feelings? What the hell is wrong with you that you can't cry?" She said; "Your so disrespectful." I just gave her a cold stare and walked off. 
Three days later my older sister and I were sleeping in grandma's bed since she wasn't here anymore. Carolyn started freaking out in the middle of the night running outside yelling grandma was here grandma is after her. I could see a white figure, but it looked like an upright dog to me.
She ran out the back door snagged her shorts on a nail or something tore them off. She claims grandma tore them off her. Grandma always told her if she wore shorts in her house she would tear them off her. When she calmed down we went back inside. Not sure what really happened, but it gave me a good laugh over the years.
I got Judy to go to the outhouse with me. We're in the mountains ok it's scary at night. We opened the outhouse door there sat on the outhouse toilette that same upright white dog looking figure I saw earlier. Judy saw it too. We both ran back into the house. She won't admit to seeing it today, but she did at that moment! Grandma said; "We saw a Hanky."
Maybe Devil our dog or Grandma? Some of my aunts, uncles and cousins on my mom's side of the family were not perverted pieces of shit. We all grew up together had fun together sang on the radio with Uncle Andrew Martin Uncle Andy together. Judy Martin is a famous singer these days and won't admit to seeing a Hanky.
I was working two jobs helping support Tommy's drinking and girl friends/fuck. Most times I couldn't get him to watch the kids while I worked. I found where he was partying at dropped the kids off so I could get to work. He didn't like that at all! I told the kids go visit with your daddy in the bar with his fuck. I'm sorry did I say, "His fuck out loud?"
He tried taking my kids after he beat me it was getting to the point I could survive the beatings. I got my kids put him in jail for the first time in many years I went to play pool just Chastity, Billy and me. I was so scared I kept looking out windows as always hung my head low. Vicki came to the pool room. 
It was a family pool room our friends Gary and Patty owned on the Kentucky River called the "Daniel Boone Inn." Vicki told me he was out of jail. I was not allowed to have friends or go anywhere. Vicki was my best and only close friend I ever had she wasn't scared of him. 
There were many times she heard the sounds of furniture hitting against the walls screech her truck to a halt and stand up to Tommy. She had some balls that girl. She wasn't scared of him told him she carries guns too. If she caught him out on foot she would run over his fuck ass. Vicki was gorgeous with thick curly long blonde hair. 
She kept it in a shag haircut, but it naturally did it's thing and was so thick. Gorgeous blue eyes. Perfect little body perfect teeth everything a man could dream of in a woman. Her and I were close. I believed in her. I believe she really cared about me. I know I cared about her I miss her badly. I left Kentucky without telling her anything. 
I couldn't it was always a run when I can situation. We used to steal each other away every night to party with each other or every morning go to work in the tobacco fields that older cock fighters owned. Most times she was so gorgeous she always got a man. 
Even if I were to get man I was always scared Tommy would somehow know or find out I didn't want to imagine the beating for that. Most times I sat on the edge of the man's bed till Vicki and him were through. Many times I was invited to join in, but I was too scared didn't like the sharing scene. 
Her and I loved playing pool and going to bars drinking together and working in tobacco together. I hauled ass to the house to get clothes for me and the kids and get out. Many beatings many times the kids and I hid in bushes waiting for him to quit looking for us so we could get out of the neighborhood. He was usually packing a gun.
He showed up at the house right after me and the kids. I kept the lights out I was so scared. He asked me to turn on the lights. I told him no you don't want to see the damage you have done. He seemed to have felt bad when he seen what he had done this never stopped him.
He left I thought he was going to a party or a bar I went back to the pool room. He was there with that girlfriend of his. Gary and Patty yelled at me; Mary he's got Chastity! He ran to the truck with her. I grabbed little Billy and ran to get my baby girl. I got there before he could get in the truck. I reached in to get her he kept slamming the door on me. 
I had hold of Chastity I turned to get her out and away from the truck he started pounding on my face with his fist. Gary and Patty called the law. When he knew the law was coming he took his girlfriend and left on his motorcycle. I was beaten severely, but got my kids! It wasn't for many years to come I learned to hold my head up.
I was court ordered when I lived on the streets to go to a psychiatrist. Larry, Leslie his wife and two children Allison and Jason became good friends of mine. Larry had a son Billy's age and an adopted daughter around 9 or 10. I started babysitting for them. Billy and their son Jason loved to be together.
I loved his daughter too so babysitting getting away from Tommy was very comfortable for us. It gave us somewhere to go where Tommy could not find us. A place that was safe. Larry being what he was had a very nice home with security alarms cameras. Larry his wife Leslie his children me and my children became dependant on our friendship or I was. 
I was welcomed in their home and many other homes of wealthy people in the community of Winchester, KY. Later Larry introduced me to the Rector of an Episcopalian Church. Harry, his wife Brenda and their two daughters. Brenda was director of financing at the Southeastern Christian College which I attended for four years. 
I only did typing courses I received 4 years credit no degree. Which is hurting me now not being able to finance any type of computer technician courses pursue being a secretary or any profession other than being a cook. I started going to the church they attended. I became friends with a lot of very wealthy people in the community who attended. 
They were not at all what they seemed to be at first. They wanted me to dress in a particular way. Jeans cut offs and overalls were unacceptable. I was now their children's Sunday school teacher have to dress it up. Tommy dressed me he liked the western look I had huge walk in closets with below knee length classy skirts with matching boots cowboy or cowgirl hats. 
Western shirts were awesome. I had no problem dressing a little better to teach these children. Why I don't know except maybe not only do I love children, but to plant any unplanted seeds or nurture any seeds already planted. After teaching Sunday school for their children for five years I started wearing my cover alls jeans and cut offs. 
I was still welcomed and loved in the church. And still taught Sunday School. George Gawthrop taught the adult Sunday school class. I was scared of many of these rich people. We got down on our knees to take communion poor and rich kneeling together. Episcopalian services are the most spiritual peaceful serene and beautiful services you will ever attend. 
Anyone who has ever attended an Episcopalian or Catholic church will tell you how gorgeous the churches and services are. George knelt next to me George was almost 7 feet tall white hair extremely handsome very nice to look at. I was always more scared of him than anyone else. He was the richest tallest one of everyone in this church. 
God wasn't measuring the amount of money these people had it was how they used it. George did something I will never forget sometimes when depression from what someone or society has done to me hurt my self image and esteem. I think of that gentle moment when that rich gentle giant white haired man leaned over kissed me and told me he loved me. I believed him.
Not in a sexual manor either! I found over the years after the first encounter at the alter with him that he was nothing more than a big soft hearted teddy bear. George his wife and I became very good friends. As did Harry the Rector of the church his wife Brenda and their children everyone in that church at one time or another fell in love with me and my kids.
Even Carla Vandmeter belonged to my church. She is an awesome lady. We were good people so were they. She had streets name after her and owned the Bwamazon Horse Farm. George Gawthrop, the richest of the rich leaned over to me he said; "I love you." I couldn't get over that I was awed shocked a little confused scared touched by a feeling I rarely felt. 
George I hope you get to read my book before you pass away know that blew my mind touched me deeply is something I will never forget. These rich people owned streets, complexes, shopping centers, malls, horse farms and oil companies were not so scary after all. 
George over many years gave me many good job opportunities which the street crowds I used to hang with was still always lurking about to destroy anything. They destroyed all the great jobs George gave me. One of the jobs was working in the court house filing criminal records. 
Every morning I would go into the very jail that held me many times and ask Jim Boyd the jailer which had taken care of me many years in this jail for the keys to an office I ran all alone all day. I started teaching the children's Sunday school class with two older girls who were volunteers. 
They taught this class together for many years now wanting to get on with their lives and give this chore to someone else which was what it had become to these two young girls. The church soon adapted to my ways of teaching the children in the only way them and me could understand. They gave me books paper curriculums which were borrring! 
I started taking the children to physical places to learn hands on what God has put on this earth for all to enjoy not be afraid of. For instance I took them to a grave yard that was built just for children. For the exact thing I was trying to teach convey to these children death does not have to scare you to death. 
This grave yard had a playground, swimming and fishing holes. There are running creeks and statues all over the place that were actually tombstones built in a way as to let the children enjoy their time here not to be scared and taunted by death. This was one of many places I took the children to. I paid for their big parties on all of the holidays. 
One Christmas Harry, the Rector announced to the entire church saying, "Since Mary took it upon herself to fill the underneath of our tree with presents and took it upon herself to once again decorate our hallways for the children she will be playing the part of St. Nicholas this year. I was so embarrassed.
No one told me that for some reason I couldn't understand there would be no Christmas no St. Nicholas this year. They still got to have one that year so the embarrassment was worth it. I conditioned twelve Game Cocks ready for battle Lucifer was taking his place in my life once again. I had to decide whether to teach Sunday school or go fight. I chose go fight. 
Many times Lucifer has taken preference in my life making me miss a lot of spiritual opportunities over a lot of years of my life. 14 years of these beatings I decided a piece of mind was worth more than the home and money. I had to start planning a permanent escape. I've ran many times with my kids but never have anywhere to go except shelters. 
There were many times I had to hitchhike to another town to get to safety and get far away. I went to my aunt Eva's once, but we were not welcome to stay. She didn't want to be involved. She had a new husband who excepted her children from uncle Buddy who died. 
He drove a garbage truck and thought the world of me and helped me when no one wanted to be involved. He's the uncle who took me on his Harley to hospital to give birth to Shawn. Many of the church members let us stay, but they have such strict rules. Rules on top of more rules. 
I stayed with a couple of the church families I just couldn't hack it didn't feel right involving anyone with what would become violent if he located us. Vicki gave me my first cigarette telling me this would help get me through this. I wasn't allowed to have friends. She said; "Years down the road you will hate me curse me for this, but for now I think they will help."
They did immensely. My first pack of smokes a brand new box it was all mine. He couldn't take it away from me. Something all mine not his not the kids mine all mine! I hid them in the chicken pens or in my pit-bull Sarah's house. Mostly only smoked outside when he wasn't there. He found out I started smoking although he did and I never knew he did. 
He started counting the butts in the ashtrays to see how many I was smoking. I had to have his motorcycle shined every day have the house immaculate sit with my legs straight back straight quietly at a table till he was through inspecting the house. I sit straight and still scared shitless till he got enough alcohol in him he would usually leave I could move. 
He sat at the bar drinking Jack Daniel's staring a mean stare at me after he inspected the house. An evil hateful stare like he wanted me dead. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. Kiss My Ass! Since Chastity was born there was no more sex except for the times when he invited me to the bedroom which was always a disgusting nightmare. 
I was never to come into his room which used to be our room unless I was invited and did what he tells me to do. I don't understand if all that I went through in life was meant to be if there is to be a purpose for it all why can't God tell me which ones are going to hurt the most so I could at least prepare myself a little better? 
When in the bed with him I was not to make any noises not even sex noises be quiet at all times. My presence should not be known unless he is sticking his dick somewhere in me. I was to lay straight on my back not move not to disturb the man unless invited brutally. I had to lay there many nights scared to death any sudden move would end my life. 
Always thinking I like the sheet idea where I tie him with a sheet shoot him the face with his own gun. My babies would have no one to protect them. Thousands of straws had piled on my camel's back. I should have known I would need another camel or two. I couldn't live like this anymore I started running from him shelter after shelter. 
He would find us threaten to kill me if I didn't come home. I had nothing in life without him the only sensible thing to always do is return for the sake of the kids for fear of supporting them on my own. Or living in the streets with two kids and no way to support them. I went to my lawyer Charles Coy. I had given him $9,000.00 to get all our felonies dropped.
He's one of the best criminal lawyers in the state. He was walking down main street walked up next to and said; "I heard you need a divorce why didn't you come to me?" I said; "I thought you were a criminal lawyer." He said; "I am, but I'll do your divorce." 
Court gave me the kids I couldn't afford to feed or cloth, the house, but I couldn't make the electric, mortgage, water, phone, insurance and taxes on. And child support which I never saw any of and I still carried his name. I would forever be at this man's Mercy. I would never get to keep this gorgeous home him and I worked so hard to get. 
Again my maiden name was forgotten in the deal. I carried the last name Arnold for many years. I found out the marriage had been annulled we did not sleep together. My maiden name had never been used yet. No one not even the law had my maiden name registered anywhere. I started life as Arnold. I went through my entire life hiding my maiden name. 
To this day Tommy nor even Coleman, NO one from the past except a few surviving relatives knows my maiden name. All the names I've used were listed as aliases. Many years I carried Tommy's last name, Johnston. I could not stay in that house with the kid's and my life in danger every minute of the day or night. Never knowing when to expect it. 
Many times we would fight over him going out to party. I would ask if the kids and me could come. He always got violent about it so I never brought it up anymore. I wasn't welcome by his family nor friends he was always with some other woman. The only part of him I ever got was the brutal sex encounters. 
I tried asking if the kids and me could go out with Vicki somewhere anywhere he would get violent over that too telling me I was not to leave the house. I never had a trade or occupation. The beatings were violent brutal senseless and undeserved. He never gave me any money I stayed broke all the time yet he could go to bars and spend money on other women everyday.
Shelter after shelter running hiding fighting I must have been sound asleep during all this couldn't wake up to get out of it. Or too blonde, drunk, drugged up, stupid, young and naive. I was scared to be alone forever, scared no one would hire me, scared no man would have me, scared there were no jobs I could do. 
I was scared there was no money out there to support two kids without a man's help, scared to try to do it all by myself with two kids? I was thinking one day I'm going to run with my kids and never quit running. Would this happen before or after he kills me?
I now needed to buy my own cigarettes and gas for my car. An older man owned one of the local stores started showing me a lot of attention. He kept telling me things I had not heard yet. How pretty I was. How could any man scar up such a sexy body. He said; "If I slept next to something like you he would never sleep." I ignored him for the longest time.
I was watching listening to everyone who came into the store. He never came on to anyone else, but me. He was such a sweetheart. He made sure my tank was full of gas, I had food for the kids, food for my dogs, cigarettes and cash. Tommy started noticing the little extras, but couldn't put two and two together. We were very careful and discrete. 
He was married too and knew what a dangerous man Tommy was. He didn't want me in any danger. He really liked me. Even though I did him wrong a couple of times, but made it up to him. He dropped his billfold full of money in the back room one day while having sex. I took it thinking I should get way more than he was giving me for what he was getting. 
I didn't enjoy the sex, but the attention compliments and extras was good. I no longer had self respect morals self esteem or even liking myself I had long since lost all site of. We went to a lot of rich parties during our marriage. I remember everyone sent me of all people Miss dyslexic to show some other people the way to get to the party. 
I made it back to find Katy, Tommy's mother and Tommy on top of each other hunching or humping. I never mentioned it after that night to either of them. To this day neither of them know I saw that. This marriage was truly a horrible nightmare of a mistake. Billy Graham not the preacher man on TV this one lived at the end of the cross. 
He was one of Tommy's best friends. He was one of two cock fighters who was teaching me how to condition, handle, gaff and fight game cocks. I got a lot of birds from him and ole Earnest. A lot of us fighters got together to go to Tony's arena in the mountains in Tennessee. I had ten birds ready to match. This was to be my first fighting in a real arena. 
I was so excited and nervous, but had to keep my cool or the birds would lose their cool. I was their handler neither of us could get hurt. They called my name! I gaffed up my first bird stepped into the arena standing across from me was Billy Graham my trainer and Tommy's best friend. This was awkward and scary what could I do?
This all took place after Billy and I had sex to get even with Tommy for going with all those whores over the years now you know why we were so uncomfortable and why it was such a scary thing. Billy had the hots for Vicki too, but wouldn't do her without some kind of friendly closure with me. Before I came to Florida I gave them my Blessings. 
Vicki only wanted to do Billy a few times because she was in love with another friend of mine and Tommy's, Johnny and had no intentions of leaving him for Billy. We were both smiling looking straight into each other's face as we walked up to flirt our birds. Billy whispered; I'll be gentle and take it easy on you. 
I thought yeah right let's see what you've got baby let's see who's the better handler, conditioner and fighter and who's got the best birds. We backed up I spit some speed into my birds mouth pet him a little went back into the center to flirt a little more to get the birds pissed off. We backed up set the birds down facing each other and let loose. 
My bird put both gaffs in his bird right off. His bird was rattled that means it's over I won this one. Billy wanted to take the birds another round, but not after picking his bird up limp with no life. It was sportsman like to hold both birds for the other man and let him take your gaffs from his bird or I have to take his gaffs out of my bird. 
This insures there would be no mistaking if there had been any fowl play on the part of the other fighter such as twisting the blades as you take them out of the bird. I winked told him to give me my money I said; "Thanks for taking it easy on me eehaw that was fun!" He said; "No you have to fight to death." His bird was rattled dead, but I let him try. 
I blew up my bird's ass to cool him off, wipe sweat away from his eyes and did all the tricks we do to cool them down get them ready to go again while the other man does the same. Maybe not as good as me though. While the birds are taking a break I don't let his bird out of my bird's eyes sight. We put the birds down again my bird rattled his, finished his off. 
He gave me my money everyone in the arena paid up on their bets shook hands walked off still friends. Later in the night my name was called again. Again I was shocked! I was facing Billy Graham. This time I whispered to him I said; "I'll take it easy on you I'll be gentle." We went two rounds I won. I rattled his birds first flight. 
I also won the next fight which made three wins for a trophy. Towards the end of the night I was called again. Again I was fighting Billy. This time we fought all the way to the fifth box. It was a long and hard fight a bloody night that lasted the rest of the night. Proving Tommy, Earnest Roe and Billy Graham had done an excellent job training me.
His bird won because I called the fight, but didn't go home alive. He picked up my bird and said; "I'm going to show you something you know, but didn't think of it's going to piss you off when I show you." He pinched under my bird's neck really hard pissing him off one more time he flew with gaffs in the air. He had one more hit left in him I forgot about that trick.
I had sex with Billy a couple times we didn't know if Tommy knew about anything or not. By the last fight I was sure Tommy didn't know yet. Billy came home with us as did many other fighters even old man Earnest Roe. Another older man who was teaching me to fight and handle. We all had moonshine, booze, pills, pot, beer and acid. 
We were all blind drunk later into the night I could usually handle more than anyone else. We all did things together like working in tobacco fields. Fishing. Bombing the KY. river for fish fries. Going through the dams when it was dam day. Day for opening the dams. We fought trained traded chickens got drunk stoned and did acid together a lot.
I finally woke up something about the entire marriage made me cringe my teeth! I planned something I thought Tommy would never forget. After everyone passed out I hid all the guns. I put a trap on both sides of our bedroom when Tommy comes out in a rage looking for his guns he will trip over everything before he gets the door open.
After he gets the door open I would know first. I set up quite a few booby traps around the house to insure the kids and I could get out safely. I took Billy Graham to the center of our living room. He always wanted me not Vicki. Well he wanted her too. Not right now though. He wanted Vicki too, but wanted me more permanently. 
Billy knew how Tommy treated me and hated him for me. He only wanted to fuck her once twice or whatever. Why the hell would I get mad I'm married? He wanted to be with me forever. Billy and I had sex all night till he passed out I stayed upright on top of him all night although he was passed out. I know for a fact he didn't want to confront Tommy. 
He knew he couldn't take Tommy on. He was small built actually a wimp can't fight at all. This is why at Tony's arena fighting cocks with Billy Graham was so scary uncomfortable! Tough shit it's that time everything was out in the open. I get the last laugh before I have to leave my home my life and start running trying to survive with two kids. 
If I have to leave my home knowing Tommy will put his girlie friend and her kids in my home when I'm gone. That is what did happen she's been living in my house for all these years then I wanted it to be remembered he may have had sex with all my friends, babysitters, tramps and whores, BUT I fucked his best friend the day before I left the Kentucky. 
I wanted Tommy to come out to catch me on top of his best friend, Billy Graham. Which was what did happen. It was so funny he started running around looking for his guns. Billy was freaking out. I was saying, "Oh honey he didn't stick his dick in me it didn't go in." Laughing my ass off quietly to myself while Tommy was running around looking for a gun.
One of the girls that were babysitting introduced me to her brother, Mark and his wife Laura. Mark fell in love with me so did Laura. They started helping protect us from Tommy so that little at a time we may be able to totally get away from Tommy. Tommy showed up wanting me to fuck him. Billy showed up at the same time wanting me to fuck him. 
I was taking a shower they were standing at the door of the bathroom staring at me. I ran them both off told them this was not a fucking freak show. I lived with Mark and Laura for a few years after this. Mark and Laura had two boy's the same age as my children. Mark and I were having awesome sex with his wife's permission. 
Laura would even make us all a cup of coffee every morning accompanied with a lit cigarette though she didn't smoke. They watched my babies while I went to find work. I attended college to be a secretary that never happened. I went into dancing to feed my kids and survive this too was a nightmare of a life. The first few times on the stage was scary. 
Men kept yelling if you don't take off something let someone on the stage who will. The owner of that club after finally taking off my clothes sent me and Franny an old party buddy who ran with Coleman, Tommy and the old gang to another club of his which was much bigger. He wanted the best to be in this club. 
The club we were in was evidently for try out purposes only. There were a lot of bad times dancing even if your not going with anyone even if your not into drugs even if your not a drinker it's a rough world to be in. I thought chicken fighting was a tough rough sports game in life to be in. This was an entirely different rough world. 
I stayed off and on in hotels with other dancers and their boyfriends. They all eventually would kick me and the kids out most times taking our belongings and money saying, "I owed them this much for rent." I paid them rent bills food and the like. The rest of my money and belongings did not belong to them. Broke all the time, but made good money.
I always went back to Mark and Laura who always welcomed me and my kids into their life and their home. We stayed at my house off and on during the first part of our relationship(s) till we felt it was too dangerous to keep putting his kids and my kids at the Mercy of Tommy breaking and entering all the time. He always has guns on him.
We left Mark's brother in charge while we went out to a bar to party. Tommy jumped over the back fence tried to break into the large double sliding glass doors. I left a double barrel shotgun in the hands of Mark's younger brother. He let off both rounds exploding the sliding glass doors shattered glass was everywhere. Scaring the hell out of Tommy. 
For the first time in his life that man ran like he never had to run so bad and fast in his life! I loved every minute of it! We all went through a ton of shit together. Mark and me had a business washing semi trucks Laura was a secretary we all got along great their family approved all was hunky dory. 
This wonderful threesome had to end when we went to the bar that night. Laura was gorgeous with long, soft, natural solid black hair which went below her knees. She had pyorrhea, a gum disease which totally turned me off. That night Laura was so trashed she started a fight with Mark. 
It was over the fact that Mark could pinch my ass kiss me play around with me and her in public and she couldn't. I found out that night Laura was more in love with me than Mark. She was very upset she couldn't have the same access to my body Mark had. They eventually divorced fighting over who was to blame for me leaving. 
I was not gay she did not interest me I couldn't live with a woman pawing all over me. She was beautiful, but the smell could not be tolerated. I ran into an old friend Franny the one who introduced Tommy to me and ran with Coleman. We went to a bar in hopes to run into Coleman. Franny was dancing in stripper clubs with me. 
We were so blind drunk we ended up in some guy's house a friend of her's. We didn't have sex he wanted to and kept trying I wasn't interested. He said; "If I was that scared of Tommy I could stay at his house." Franny and I went to get my kids. On the way back she would not give me my keys to my car. She had been drinking whiskey for days. 
She drove hundreds of miles past where I had to go to work turned in the middle of a highway. There was no medium no room no way she was supposed to make a sudden U turn right there. We were hit head on T-Boned totaled my car bent it in half. Everyone was alright except Franny was supposed to be hurt. Ambulances were everywhere. 
I ran across the street with the kids no license no ins. Tommy canceled everything on me without my knowledge. I wanted to act like I had nothing to do with this blend in with the crowd. Standing there covered with blood one of the ladies pointed me out. Now get this funny shit. A lady from the crowd walked over to the car. 
She looked in and saw Franny right after this bad accident giving a blow job to her boy friend in the front seat! Turns out the lady was Franny's mother in law hundreds of miles away from anywhere we lived worked or were going. Scary ironic or what? Franny's husband another old party buddy was in prison. 
I could not get to work several towns away from this guy's house and my job. Our home was now several counties away. We hitchhiked to his house. I couldn't feed the kids. For weeks I made flat biscuits with flour and water syrup with sugar and water. 
The man got mad and drunk I wouldn't have sex with him. I learned later when we first went to his house we were so drunk out of our minds. Blind drunk they set me up to have sex with his son who was only fourteen. Franny her boyfriend and this guy held me down while his son had sex with me. I was the boy's first woman. He said; "He wanted to break his son in."
I never remembered anything happening. They raped me I never knew till it was told. He pulled a huge chef knife out held it to my throat for hours. Seemed like an entire day. He was blind drunk again. He said; "He wanted me, but I only wanted and stayed there in hopes to be with his son." What a sick individual.
A neighbor knocked on the door he looked off the knife was barely away from my neck enough to run. My babies were waiting for that opportunity when mom could run they were used to this kind of thing because of their dad. We bolted out the door the kids clinging to mom for their life. He couldn't very well chase us in front of his neighbor. 
We were hiding behind and under some of the neighbor's trailer even inside some of their homes till I made it out of the park safely and could hitchhike to the only shelter which had an opening. My babies were used to hitchhiking for many miles and had done this many times getting away from their dad. 
I carried Billy on my back for awhile then give Chastity a rest and carry her taking turns the entire way half a state away. Ashland, Kentucky was the only place that had an opening in a shelter so that's where we went. We stayed at the shelter for a few weeks till I could find an apartment or something. 
The Bible belt and it's a dry county what an ironic torture for an alcoholic how would I survive? It took several months to get an apartment. AFDC helped me get an apartment. A tiny nasty one room. When we left the shelter we were on our own at getting food. This apartment had a bed that folded out of a wall. There was no where I could get a job. 
I walked for miles to put the kids in a daycare so I could walk miles every day looking for a job in a jobless one horse Bible belt town. After a while I was getting desperate ready to sell my body or whatever it would take to feed my kids. At that time food stamps were mailed to people. 
I looked in someone's mailbox thought to myself I know those are for someone's children, but my kids are starving. I recognized the envelope and was able to finally get my kids something to eat. They were so happy to get food. We took sandwiches and celebrated by hitchhiking to go fishing. 
There were a lot of bad things happened in that one room apartment almost three months I had to stay in the bathtub bleeding. Little Billy went to the bar downstairs to call an ambulance for me. I had to finally get a biopsy. I met a black man who wanted to have sex with me wouldn't leave me alone. He kept going on the roof climbing in the window.
A girl I met kept meeting guys having sex with them all. She spent the night in our one room apartment. My kids were wide awake watching her have sex I kicked them both out naked. Nothing to do in that one room apartment no TV no radio nothing on top of the only bar in town you can bet I frequented that bar. 
I couldn't tell anyone where I lived it would be dangerous for my kids if they knew I lived in a small room above the bar alone. Parks were at least ten to twenty miles so was our fishing spot. Most of my family had long since died or didn't know how or where to begin looking for me nor would probably not bother looking nor help us anyway.
My oldest sister, Carolyn was with some woman's husband and their son they were hit head on by a semi. I always told her she would die by her own hand in another woman's man's arms. She was always going out on whoever she was going with or married to. She didn't care if the other person was married or not. 
She wrapped her body around the little boy's body the man's son to save his life. The little boy lives in a wheelchair every bone in his body was crushed he remembers my sister yelling; "Oh God!" Everyone died except the little boy. They cut everyone out of both vehicles even the semi. 
Carolyn's entire body including the top of her head and skull had to be sewn back together to be able to have an open casket funeral. I went to Carolyn's funeral passed out when I saw her laying with her gorgeous hair gone. Her entire body sewn back together even her skull. 
I pulled her hair up wanting to see the stitches on her head they sewed the top of her head back on. Her hair came off in my hands. A man was standing next to me with a big cowboy hat and he put his arms around me. Not bad looking, but I didn't think he should be touching me. I said; "I don't know you get your hands off me!" He said; "I'm your brother Daniel." 
Talk about a shocker. He handed me a handkerchief and Bible to put Carolyn's hair in. Back in my house two days later aunt Eva came to my door told me mom died of uterine cancer. My twin brother David and I walked to the casket looking at her. Family was pushing us like an assembly line. We told them this is our mother we'll stand here as long we want!
While staring at her the first thing I noticed was the diamond ring I gave her was missing. What sleaze ball relative or person would take a ring off a dead woman's finger? Then I was thinking why did you treat me that way why did you let all our relatives treat us that way? Why did you let dad treat us that way? 
Why wasn't you stronger take up for us we were only kids? I was also thinking you took my first born child my baby you took our life together away kicked me out to the highways. All I can say, "I pray you got your shit together with Jesus before you took that last breath." 
I wasn't sure if mom deserved to die by her own hand or was she just always doing what women think we are supposed to do which is whatever a man tells us to do? By her own hands I mean she gave birth to eleven kids that means she at least got fucked eleven times plus my grandfather which was her father and that man she was married before dad. 
Let's be real and truthful that pussy was tortured. I couldn't have cared less about this. What I think about everyone in my life who does bad stuff to me or hurts me I ask God to take it into His hands then God will get ya for that! Mom visited me in my home six months before she died. She said; "She had around a year to live." 
I told her she only had six months I was right. I believe she died in that house where she took Little Mary to hide from me on 22nd. St. in Dade City, Florida. David and I went to an aunt's house after mom's funeral where our oldest brothers Herbert Jr. and Johnny were staying. They were the ones who used to rape Darlene, my little sister when she was a baby.
Let's not forget my little girlfriends they raped. I would never forget or forgive them for this. My aunt who by the way has always been a snotty bitch said; "We were being disrespectful by drinking beer after mom's funeral." None of us had seen each other since childhood. She said; "We were drinking beer the beer had to go or we did." 
What the fuck they were alcoholics sang and partied at bars every night and had no room to say anything. It was our mother! Kiss My Ass! Fuck her our beer and us left. My first daughter, little Mary was at mom's funeral and she was supposed to go home with me, but I watched her walk off with uncle Roy who raped me when I was young. 
He said; "He was her father." I had only been with two maybe three other men at that point. I did not know at the time what he was asking for in return for a ride to Florida to be with grandma till he was on top of me then I realized what I was trading. This was rape he was lucky I had kept quiet all these years to protect my aunt Betty's feelings! 
What has Little Mary gone through over the years with this man? Little Mary's true father was either Bobby, Leonard or Robby I hate to say, but maybe even my uncle, Roy Dunn. Bobby was married to a well known cut throat in town he was young gorgeous long blonde hair had a twin named James. 
My aunt Eva I was raised with had the hots for many years for these two twins. She wanted them so bad she would scheme to get me to be with one of them since because of her husband and kids she could not get either of those men. Her next best consolation was for me to be with at least one of these gorgeous twins. 
Eva set it up for me to be with Bobby not the single twin James the one married to the cut throat Bobby! A friend of her's and mine went with us to a hotel with another heavy set man I thought our friend was going to get to be with Bobby I was supposed to be with the heavier ugly man which I had NO plans of doing. 
When we got to the hotel Mary laid next to us in this guy's arms while Bobby got on top of me. I thought at the time this was the most awesome thing that had happened to me yet. All I had been through in life I got to be with the hottest man in town! He was sooo fucking adorable, cute, awesome gorgeous, hottest twins EVER! He went about everything so gentle.
He wasn't forceful or mean in any way. I knew he was married there could be no more than this. Why would I even agree to something like this only to know in my mind for the rest of my life I had sex with the most gorgeous man in town besides his twin? Blew my mind! No one else would ever know except Eva me him that fat ugly guy and our friend and God. 
He will never know Little Mary may be his daughter. Still I knew there would never be anyone special like him that would be just for me. I would still spend my entire life alone or picking up sleaze balls alcoholics drug addicts bald ugly or old farts bums and thieves. 
Something happened I did not expect didn't know at the time would not happen again till later in life maybe not ever again. I had a wonderful, unexpected, explosive, long orgasm which seemed to last soooo long with Bobby. OMFGosh I could eat this man up. It's rare any man turns me on, but the chance to be with one of the HOT twins in town.
I was in another world for awhile it was awesome. I did not fall in love nor get my emotions tangled up or confused to this day I get to smile about that AND I got away with it. I knew if this ever got out his wife would kill me. I was so scared I hitchhiked back to Indiana. 
I wanted to believe Bobby is little Mary's father not my ugly ass nasty uncle who raped me nor Leonard who went to prison for breaking and entering! Nor Bobby who's two friends raped me under that bridge. Aunt Eva thinks Bobby is Little Mary's father. It's hard for me to have an orgasm while having sex with a man not even Coleman as awesome as he was. 
Now remember though that's at that point in my life when Coleman only drove me insane still does he'll never know. When a guy learns you have feelings for him he starts thinking of ways to get rid of you even if they have to be cold hearted brutal even violent about things to make you hate them and break it off on your own. 
I've tolerated violent, fat, bald, ugly, old, drunk, drugged up men who can't get nor keep an erection who make me either suck their soft dicks off forever play with it forever persistent that soft dick is going in that tight pussy or whatever hole if they have to poke or force it in there. A lot of men are not going to like my stories who know this is true about them can. 
Kiss My Ass! Get over yourself and the fact your dick don't get hard it's frustrating, aggravating and embarrassing for women. If you have read up to this point you know I've had nice hard dicks so yeah. Those of you that have nice hard dicks who fuck with passion know who you are too so don't let this offend you.
There are more perverts, pedophiles and psychos out there than heterosexual men what the hell good are any of them? Most drink smoke rock snort coke or some kind of drug they can't get their dick up or keep their dick up if they do get their dick up or pass out. 
Sometimes men break things off before you find out they aren't ass holes they just can't do the job won't for the world admit it. I was disillusioned by what men were supposed to do and be for women and what they are really like. I thought from this time no man would be worthy of seeing or feeling me express any emotions. 
I don't show emotions to humans anyway. No crying, pain, laughing not even the gentle purring like a kitten men love so much of a woman being fulfilled by a man. When I was married to Tommy for fourteen years when we did have sex it was violent also. I was not allowed to make any noises or extra movements. If I did I was met with a fist in my face. 
I was not to show any emotions. Out of fear I show no emotions. I was becoming more depressed, a loner even suicidal and bitter about men, life, people, society and their fucked up rules. Words spoken never meant fake emotions. I never told any man I love them never will! Two days later another knock on my door. 
Aunt Eva said; "Dad went into the New Mexico court house and blew his head off." I said; "What the hell do you want me to do glue it back on? Go on about your life leave me the HELL alone!" Two children were taken the first by both my parents ya think I'm pissed or what? 
I'm living in a war zone and I've asked Eva for help before, but she didn't want to be involved so she can go away. Two abusive marriages with men who should be making sure I'm NOT living on the streets and highways all those years! Instead I get violence and rapes!? My heart was NUMB for humans. 
When we were all children dad locked himself in the room in the basement almost every day and he would regularly fire a few rounds off to make us believe he was blowing his brains out. Mom had to call the fire department, dad's co-workers to break in to get him out. 
I always said; "One of these days dad your going to cry wolf one too many times the guns going to take your head off for real you'll die by your own hands lose your salvation." He went all the way to the New Mexico court house to publicly blow his head off!? Did he want Mexicans to acknowledge or witness him blow his head off? 
Few days later John one of my older brothers that used to rape Darlene, my baby sister and a lot of my girlfriends overdosed. The one that got the hell beat out of him for snitching on everyone who was partying. Oh well shit happens. I've seen little Mary and Shawn only for brief moments over the years. I have been told what Shawn and Mary look like. 
They say Shawn looks like me, but has his father's albino characteristics pink eyes and all. They say, "Little Mary looks like me too blonde hair with blue eyes." I was hurt and sick of men taking sex if I don't want it. Forced sex and violence was what the marriage with Tommy was all about. 
I locked the front door, bedroom door, all other doors, bathroom door and walk in closet door where the guns were stored. I triggered up one of the rifles I think it was the sweet 16 to my toe. I don't know how my best friend Vicki knew, but before I was going to blow my head off she busted down all the doors found me and talked me out of it. 
Damn I almost died in dad's footsteps Holy shit! I had enough of the rape type sex. I always went into the bathroom afterwards threw up cried and came back out like nothing was wrong. After the shelter I had a few really bad apartments, bad experiences, bad people, women and men. 
One woman I befriended I woke up to see both my children wide eyed watching her having sex with a man I was supposed to have been with earlier. I did NOT want my babies watching this! I would NEVER do anything wrong or have sex in front of my babies I'll be damned if anyone else will. I kicked her and him out naked once again my kids knew that was coming! 
I heard them saying, "Uh oh wait till mom sees this!" This was one example of some of the situations we encountered during this stay in this little one room apartment with a bed built into a wall above the only bar in town. One tiny room in the Bible belt of Kentucky, Ashland. A dry town living above the only bar in the town. 
That was handy and fun, but not a life for my babies. I tried to do better for them, but there were no jobs to be found in this one horse Bible belt town. The next new apartment didn't last long Tommy found us! That really sucked this apartment was sweet. HUD got us a nice freshly painted three bedroom wonderful apartment. 
We had bad rough times and good times in this apartment even the good times were rough for us. Our good times consisted of hitchhiking downtown everyday to the day care center to drop the kids off while I walk all over town every day looking for a job in a jobless Bible belt town. Bible belt isn't a bad thing it means that town has fewer jobs no bars nor drinking aloud. 
If we wanted to go fishing or the park we had to hitchhike to get there too. An old man helped us off and on, but kept insisting on sex for his help. Eventually I had to get rid of him. I had one affair turned out he had a girlfriend just using me after he got all he could he went back to her. 
I gave his apartment an I'm a whore dog paint job. He brought the law to my apartment concerning his new paint job. I looked him in the eyes and said; "Must have been your pissed off present girlie friend while you were out fucking around." While hitchhiking to go fishing I met David England. He gave us a ride and offered us a place to stay and hide from Tommy. 
He was gorgeous, but gone all the time working for the railroad. He liked me a lot I never knew till just before I was leaving he broke down and started crying saying, "He thought I was going to be around forever for him and his son." They were both awesome him and his son who was the same age as Little Billy. 
I left him all my mounted Bass and asked that he didn't remove the name plates and claim he caught them. Remember did I mention I caught 9 Bass all over 9 pounds in Kentucky Tommy found us somehow once again so I decided to go away far as I could Florida was the farthest. My younger twin brother David my twin lived in Florida. 
Me and two kids got on a Greyhound to Florida. I got a job dancing paying David's wife $45.00 a day to watch my kids. This didn't include food nor drinks? What the fuck? She was baby sitting for a living anyway. Everyday she made me get up take my kids down the road to get them something to eat. 
She was feeding a house full of kids my kids can't eat with them? What a piece of shit human. She complained my kids was drinking up all the milk. David told her it was him. My kids would not get into anyone's refrigerator. She kept saying, "She was not going to tolerate me sleeping during the day and coming home sleeping in dancer's outfits." 
I worked at night when did she expect me to sleep? I had to stay up most times and watch my kids. This got old quick. I told her she was a Bitch. I got to know a chef and manager at a restaurant called "The Stone Crab" on Snead's Island. Woody said; "You can work here full time move in with me I have a gorgeous Golden Retriever." 
We got drunk talked most of the night continued the party at his house had sex right off the rest of the night to seal the deal. I knew before I went to meet this man what I would have to do to get my kids out of my brother's house. I read an add in the paper that said; "Accommodations to share." It stated he was the manager of the Stone Crab Restaurant. 
I was taking my chances this was a single man. Woody was also a chef. That was where I first started cooking. Before I came to Florida I was having sex with David England. My kids and me hitch-hiked everyday to fish in the river. We fished where the Kentucky and Ohio river met it was safe for kids to swim there. 
There were no gators, amebas, jelly fish, trash, people nor sharks. An old man picked us up one day while walking to our fishing hole. He hung around with the kids and me for awhile hoping to get laid. I wouldn't kiss him or give him anything that led him to believe I wanted to have sex with him. 
He helped me as far as giving me rides to our fishing hole when he saw us out and about walking to get there. He took me to Richmond to get my mounted bass and a few of my things I had not given away, a wide screen TV. I set the man up with a friend of mine who I knew would have sex with him for the price of beer smokes and food. 
My kids and me were walking to go fishing. Dave offered me a ride one day. He had a son the same age as Billy they got along great. I started hiding out at Dave's instead of taking the chance of Tommy walking in on us at our apartment. Dave invited me to stay as long as needed. He worked for the railroad was never home. 
He said; "This way for as long as it last his son would have someone to hang out with and an adult to watch him." After he went to work one morning a woman showed up. I didn't know who she was and I never brought it up or asked it was none of my business. I'm assuming it was his son's mother. We hid in the basement till she left. 
Having sex with Dave was by the way awesome, awesome, awesome. I will always remember David England. I feel men don't take it as serious as we do. The ones that say, "They do" are the ones that end up using us. Some men think they have to keep all their options for pussy open. I took the kids to his basement and hid quietly till she left. 
I never mentioned it to him I didn't want to ruin or invade his life. If Tommy found me and got too close I would have to run again so what was the use in getting involved? I didn't want to take the chance of telling Dave how I felt about him. When we were together he was a total gentleman. 
If his friends came over he introduced me to them we all partied together had a great time. We tripped on mescaline acid did a little cocaine here and there. We watched movies together went places together went to the dog tracks all the time. I was good at picking the dogs I always left with at least $300.00 - $400.00 ahead. 
I placed a bet for Dave's boss which came into $21,000.00. I had to be the one to cash it in for them not only did I place the bet they couldn't claim this on their income taxes I could. Dave and me went fishing  and took showers together he was awesome gorgeous. I couldn't believe a man that gorgeous would be hung up on me. 
This man spent every minute with me when he wasn't working. He loved showing me off loved partying with me always talked to me with respect never talked down to me never bossed me around was just a sweetheart all the way. Everything was awesome, but nothing good would last for me. 
This isn't a let's tell about all the good things that happened to me in my life type of story right? I gotta stay the victim. He protected me. He had a huge waterbed time in bed with him was so awesome. He took his time spent time cuddling touching groping. He was spontaneous could go forever. Dave was gorgeous. 
He had long blonde hair blue eyes kept his pony tail pulled back. I would never express my emotions or feelings for fear he didn't feel the same way. I could not stand another heart jerker. Day before we were leaving to go to Florida Dave and I took a hit of acid. We were going to watch a movie together. Dave left to go do something business related. 
Breaking news came on TV. The news was reporting an A bomb. Remember I'm tripping thinking all this is really happening. OMG an A bomb. It started showing what happens before an A bomb during an A bomb and after an A bomb. While they were showing the during an A bomb it was so graphic real I had to keep checking on the kids. Totally freaking out Dave no where in site while this A bomb is happening. 
I was tripping hard imagining all this was happening outside our doors. The world is ending an A bomb has hit. Dave came in I couldn't hold it in I had to tell him about the A bomb. He kept hugging me trying to calm me down telling me there is no A bomb what the hell? Just then the movie popped out of the DVD player. Dave had popped in the movie "Threads" before he left.
Tommy did find us or at least the apartment we were staying in. How I knew was the mail box had been bashed in my check was gone. Time to go. Gotta get out of there. Did I mention Tommy was the Iron Horseman motorcycle gang's mechanic a tool and die mechanic/machinist Schnook (?) helicopter mechanic welder mechanic motorcycle mechanic. 
One entire room in our house was dedicated to tool and die tools. My kids and me were going to take the Greyhound to Winchester to find my oldest brother to get David's address and phone number to let him know we were on our way down to Florida. David my twin had always been protective of me, but could never keep up with me. 
I was always showing up in different counties different states. The life I had to live was not a stable one. We were all separated as children I didn't care about the two oldest boys. Not only did they rape Darlene time and again and rape my girl friends, they offered me school supplies for sex. Kiss My Ass! Yeah me too what the Fuck? 
Dave took the kids and me to the bus station. Just before the bus was going to haul us away Dave took me out to the parking lot to talk to me alone. He wrapped his arms around me crying. I didn't think he even cared I never knew. I was sad I had to leave a man like this. Why should I have to go through having my heart jerked out again? 
He said; "Please stay don't leave us." My heart was breaking. I couldn't involve a sweetheart like him in this violent man's temper and quest to destroy me. I left my mounted Bass with him told him the only stipulation was don't take the lures out of their mouths and don't take my name off the bottoms of each one. Yeah right. 
We stayed with David my twin brother and his wife for a few weeks till she was just an unbearable bitch. I found Woody's advertisement in a paper for a room-mate to share accommodations. He was a manager of the Stone Crab Restaurant on Snead Island. The one Hurricane Elaine tore up. I went to meet him at the Restaurant. 
I went to his house and fucked him to secure the deal before I dropped the bombshell that I had two kids. He loved the idea wanted to go get them meet them right away. I didn't love Woody. Probably would never love anyone, but we were at least attracted to each other. 
He taught me to cook on the line at The Stone Crab Restaurant to learn some kind of trade to get a job in any restaurant. I did a lot of jobs during this time usually always worked at the Stone Crab full time. I worked Circle-K for a couple years, Frishe's Big Boy, Olive Garden's, Stone Crab, Friendly's, Yacht Club for one year, Cruise in for two years. 
Then Grasantis for 2 years, Casa Lapita for 2 years, Galley for 2 years and Mario's for over seven years which these jobs lapped over into the next relationship. My kids loved Jasmine, his dog and him classic story he loved my kids. He had a neat home and neat dog. Jasmine was a huge gorgeous Golden Retriever. He shared both open heartedly his home and Jasmine.
Jasmine and Woody loved my kids classic story they loved them. I worked at Stone Crab for quite a few years. Both of us were seriously into alcohol and drugs. We could get anything we wanted mostly free from the Restaurant. The bartender, a waitress and I became friends. We started the day out with a shot of Jack Daniel's together. 
Rest of the entire day we drank Margaritas, wine, Jack Daniel's and beer. When I was dancing which I did for a about another year after I met Woody then quit. All dancers had shots of Jack Daniel's and a beer every morning. Too many girls getting hurt killed and ripped off. Too many girls doing the hurting killing and ripping off. 
I was going to miss all the cocaine from this world. There is plenty out there just not as much as dancers have access to. Things seemed to be going well at first. I didn't know Woody was seeing two old girlfriends. When I found out I ignored it for me and my kids. I needed the job money home and security he brought. 
I thought we get along and the kids don't have to know not necessary in my opinion enough to raise a stink about it. He was seeing more than just two old girlfriends even this I ignored. Shit hit the fan far as I'm concerned when he started getting possessive jealous accusing me of going out on him. 
I wasn't going with anyone, but him we started fighting all the time. I couldn't understand he was the one seeing others not me the fights were nonsense. He started taking ALL my money to pay the bills with was he told me. Now come on he didn't need it ALL! I didn't mind, but he wouldn't give me enough to buy cigarettes on my own. He said; "I owed it ALL to him."
He bought everything, our food and personal items. I could not be caught with any cash on me. I'm about to kill this man he started getting abusive he beat me, sat on me and cracked two of my ribs. This man was huge too huge to be doing this. He felt bad afterwards buying me Deladads for the pain so I could keep working. 
He wouldn't work stayed out front talking with customers and waitresses while the young boys and I did all the back of house work. I had to find a way out of this situation now. This SHIT gets old! One night while fighting he insisted I was going with someone getting madder as the night went on I wouldn't tell him who I was seeing. 
Kiss my ass I wasn't seeing anyone how could I come up with information for him? I was drunk on my ass so was everyone else. To get out of arguing and fighting knowing if I went home with him it would get worse so I went to the back of the house found a small corner where no one would find me crawled inside the hole and stayed. 
Everyone was looking for me everywhere they thought I left out the back door. After awhile they gave up looking went on down the road to look for me. I fell asleep in that little hole hoping he would not return at least for that night. I knew he wouldn't believe I was right there the entire time. The owner of the Restaurant and his girl was doing rock cocaine all the time.
She almost burned the Restaurant down once while on rock. The restaurant eventually closed down. They were using the restaurant's money for rock. The restaurant had damage on the gas pumps and dock from Hurricane Elaine on Snead Island still famous for it's food the first to serve blackened grouper blackened everything. 
Sometime during the night I heard laughing pool balls hitting each other juke box music and pinball machines running. I was assuming everyone returned to continue partying. Drunk and drugged out of my mind I thought it was safe to come out join them. I swung open the two swinging doors that separate the dining area from the kitchen yelling let's party! 
I thought they'd be glad to see me and know I was alright. My eyes got really big! I was in trouble, but played it off like so what you all know me it's ok. It was the owner with a bunch of friends doing rock cocaine. I thought it would still be alright there were times they gave me powder cocaine let me go outside to do my thing while they did their rock. 
They didn't want me around when they did rock. A couple died that owned another Restaurant out in the cut one night while everyone was doing rock. I won't mention the owner's names nor the people who died nor the famous lawyer and his wife who died in the restroom one night doing rock. 
I thought I was here for all this they won't mind me barging in on their private party. I don't remember anything that happened next I was knocked out in an alley. I didn't know where I was couldn't get on my feet blood was pouring over my head and face. My glasses were broken smashed into my face. I was picking glass out of my face trying to see where I was. 
I was trying to get up, but evidently my legs had been severely beaten. I couldn't get on my feet and couldn't get my legs to work I couldn't get up. I crawled to a fence then to some kind of wall I found. I tried using these to lift myself up. I couldn't use my arms or legs. Seems they did get mad that I barged in on them. 
The officer who found me kept asking who did this to me. I couldn't tell on the owner of the Restaurant he was my boss I would be beat again and fired if I told so I told them I don't know I don't remember. I told them who I lived with and where I lived. They had dumped me in the alley near the house. 
The officer took me there and was going to arrest Woody for doing this. I told them it wasn't him. Woody knew who had done this, but wasn't going to say anything either. When I was able to walk again I took my kids and went to stay with the bartender and waitress I was friends with. He kept calling coming by all the time, but they were protecting me. 
One night I was fighting with him before I left he was getting out of hand. I kept threatening to call the law picking up the phone calling my brother David. He kept taking the phone out of my hand telling me he would kill me if I called anyone. I took the phone with all the strength I had knocked him in the head. Then proceeded to call David. 
David came to my rescue and was telling Woody he'd kill him if he touched his sister again. My twin brother David the one who while sleeping under the park table in the snow brought me chicken and soup beans. We did love each other. David told his wife to never talk to his sister the way she did again. 
For the sake of David's family I dropped everything and stayed away. David and I did and still do love each other. I had seen David a few times since child hood. That day he brought me food while I was sleeping in the snow under a park bench and at our mother's and sister's funerals, when I came to stay with him and this day when he came to my rescue. 
He is the only brother who I have ever considered normal not sick with incest or slow. The waitresses Donna and Mary were addicts and alcoholics so we got along really well. Woody put a no rehire on me knowing a lot of people in this small town. I couldn't get hired anywhere. Two young boys that cooked at Stone Crab with us were partying with us. 
Donna had been having sex with one Mary with another and I started fucking Kevin. Gorgeous long black hair down to his waist truly lust at first sight. The cutest most adorable innocent face. Excellent smile conversationalist loved to have fun. Both knowing it would never work out, but for the time being would let nothing come between us. 
He was only seventeen a couple weeks from being eighteen. Mature for his age and wanted to do nothing, but to be with me forever. One morning I sat up and felt a sharp pain so bad I blacked out. Nine months later waking from a coma I came to with wires all over me, tubes down my nose and throat, IVs every where, life monitors all over my body.
And a huge cut down my belly, huge macaroni looking things going down my stomach with stitches in behind them. The surgeon said; "I had eight minutes to live the young man that brought me there did a good job of getting me there on time." I knew it had to be Kevin. He came and stayed with me the entire time. Mary and Donna came with another friend Vince.
We all had sex with Vince many times. He was a good friend to us would do anything for any of us. Many times he came to get me at parties when lost even came to get me later in life no matter how many counties away he would be there for me or them. He eventually married Mary. The surgeon said; "I had a perforated cystic peptic ulcer." 
I had an ulcer that exploded. If I didn't stop drinking and doing drugs they would have to eventually go back in. Maybe next time never come out of the coma. That was the good news. They said; "We have really bad news" how much worse could life get? More straws for my camel? They said; "My ex mother in law, Katy found me they went to Woody's. 
He gave her my kids." Katy outright stole my kids while I was dying. I pulled the wires and tubes out and was found blacked out in the parking lot trying to go get my babies. After they released me Kevin and I stayed in his car for weeks. He couldn't get hired anywhere either. Woody put no rehires everywhere on him too. 
Neither of us could eat, but scrounged up enough change to buy one McDonald's cheeseburger and shared it. Kevin said; "You and I have no choice you have to go back to Woody." I couldn't walk nor hold up my own head up yet. Kevin dropped me off at a bar where I knew the owner Buddy. I knew owner's of a lot of bars they would always help me. 
Buddy gave me a beer, but kept asking me to go home with him. I took a drink it felt like my guts were coming out. Antibuse was in me and the prescription the doctor gave me. Holding the scar together with my hands because it was still open I could see layers of my skin while throwing up. I kept drinking dry heaving throwing up drinking throwing up. 
I drank all night fighting the Antibuse. I had no where to go what else could I do? Buddy was married I couldn't go anywhere with him. I could barely stand up or keep my head up. Drunk finally by morning Buddy dropped me off one block from Woody's house so no one would see who brought me there. 
I managed to walk up to his front door holding my stomach together knocked then finally collapsed on the front steps. Woody found me and felt so bad about everything he'd done looked at how pitiful I looked. He said; "That stupid boy is starving my baby." He carried me in put me on his couch then tried to get a little food in my stomach. 
Then he bought us tequila and beer. Like this was what I needed huh? I was happy to have somewhere to finally lay down something to eat drink and be thankful for this much. We drank all night trying to work out in our minds how to justify everything that happened so we could be together. 
The next day I was so drunk and stoned I was not feeling the pain we went dancing at Mario's. That night I was paying for drinking so sick the pain was worse than that of having been in labor with childbirth. I couldn't get up anymore finally started giving in to the surgery and injury. I could not get up nor attempt to hold my head up for a long time. 
Still kept drinking and doing drugs. Didn't have anything to live for without my kids what did it matter? It took over a year to hold my head up stand without support get around on my own, but where am I going with no job no money no vehicle and no home? No way of getting my children back nor taking care of them. 
Something else I've had to face many times before. When I was well again I hitchhiked to Kentucky to get my babies. I found Katy's brother who told me where they were. Karen, my ex sister in law answered the door. Knee deep in snow freezing I didn't care I wanted my children or at least to see them. 
Karen said; "Normally I wouldn't let trash inside our home under the circumstances I might let you look at them." She said; "They are asleep in the basement don't wake them up." I told her if she didn't let me see my kids not only would I knock her head off her shoulders I would call the law they were on the missing children's list I am their mother. 
The law told me to get them back I had to find them fight for them in the state and county they are in. Katy worked for Bell South as an operator this was how she found me. Living in Orlando she was able to get Bell South to help her relocate each time she was looking for me and her grandchildren. Now she relocated back to Kentucky. With my kids. 
Katy came home from work that afternoon to find me there and was mad so was I! I said; "I think we need to talk or you both will be in a lot of trouble for stealing my children! How could you steal my children while I'm on my death bed?" She said; "You had no way of taking care of them Woody and I thought this was best." 
I said; "How could you decide what's best for MY kids and me?" What I needed most in my life at that time would have been my babies! I took care of them all that time while I was being abused by your son. I took care of them after the house burned down. I took care of them when we were living in a van in the mountains after you kicked us out. 
I took care of them on the highways with nothing. I took care of them while running from your son. I took care of them before and after Florida, so how can you say, "I can't take care of them?" Where were you when your son was beating me to death on a daily basis? Where were you after the fire? 
Where were you when I had no food, no home, no where to go because of you and your son? Where were you when I had to run to Florida on foot with them? Where were you during all the stays at shelters? Where were you when they were growing up watching their father almost kill me time and again? 
Where were you when I took care of them all those years after I got to Florida? WHERE WERE YOU!? She didn't know her son was abusive and refused to believe it so why do I have to fight for my children? In my mind I knew I had no way of taking care of them nor getting them back to Florida. 
I would have under better circumstances just jerked them out of there no matter what happened. I was in the right they are my children I had full custody. Watching them sleep in warmth with food I could only think of them for the moment. I went downstairs to look at my babies for the first time in over two years. 
Their little feet were so big compared to when I saw them last. Their little faces hair little heads little hands little feet had all grown since I last saw them. I had many times looked into their rooms in Florida where their belongings were still and cried. I pulled the blankets back to look at the rest of their body. 
My babies I thought no one could take from me were now in the woman's hands who hated me with all her might. They were both so beautiful. I was remembering looking into their rooms in Florida with their clothes, full toys of their's that had been left behind. Crying that empty feeling of having lost my babies a part of me!
Missing them badly I could barely stand looking into their rooms with left behind belongings. The hurt of having someone snatch them from my life. They were everything to me. All I had on this miserable earth! Katy said; "I could only have them back if I went back to Tommy and stay with him for three months otherwise I had to leave." OMG Kiss My Ass! 
The ball was actually in her court. To get my kids back I agreed knowing in the back of my mind this was not the answer or solution this is only going to be bad for me. I knew they wasn't going to give them back, but for their sake I had to take that chance try to trick them anyway I could. They took me to see Tommy. 
While riding to Winchester all the memories of first meeting Tommy came to mind which were not pleasant thoughts either then the abusive years. I put it all aside buried it in the back of my head for the sake of getting my kids back and buried my face in his chest as we hugged. He was huge. Tommy was at the Veteran's bar drinking.
When he saw me tears flowed down as fast as a leaking water facet while I was thinking how fake you lying son of a bitch. We embraced he acted happy to see me saying, "I can't believe your still alive your ok." I left with him and went to his apartment. I was Begging every day Tommy still would not take me to see our home where our children grew up. 
The home we purchased and built together. An alcoholic woman is living in it with her two children he married when I left. It was my friend who I spent time with during the days and time with him during the nights. Tommy was chasing me and the kids shooting at us with his 357 and beating my car at the truck stop with a bat. 
It was a nightmare for a couple of days running, hiding and dodging bullets. I pulled into her driveway went behind her house to hide my car she went out front and was flagging him down showing and pointing to where we were hiding behind her house. I saw her I managed to get into the car and storm out he almost trapped me, but didn't. 
Vicki was still not far away she squealed in blocked him with her truck while the kids and me got away. She had taken Tommy to court many times after I left telling the court he was abusive to her children tried to catch her pyromaniac son on fire. The kid was setting these fires himself blaming it on Tommy. 
We talked, drank and smoked pot all night while I kept saying, "It's my house I want to see it" he still wouldn't let me see my house. He went to some Kangaroo court and had the house put in his name which was not legal nor binding. That house and property legally belongs to me, but I have no means of getting it back. 
I would still want it and be brave enough to get it back have it for my home again! Over the years I've contacted Charles Coy the lawyer I gave $9,000.00 to get the charges dropped on Tommy and me and did my divorce. I can't remember the name of the street nor the neighborhood. 
Charles Coy always tells me if you can get that name of the street exact address I would have something to go by to go to the court house and get the paperwork to put it back into your name whatever Tommy did could never be legal. Maybe it's things I blocked out that was a very violent marriage. 
We went dancing staying in bars every night I wanted to break Tommy destroy him make him pay for all those years of abuse! Make him spend every dime he has on me! I wanted my kids back! I didn't care what I put up with nor care what I go through I wanted my babies! That's not how it actually went down. I never saw them again. 
After a few months she still had not given my children back nor did I get to see them. Tommy was drooling over me everyday and night getting possessive all over again I knew this would lead to violence. He still kept an arsenal of guns. I searched through everything while he was gone I wanted to know what I was up against. I need to find his stash place for his guns. 
Not that I could do much about it if something happened like it did in the past with him getting violent when he's drunk shooting at me and beating the shit out of me. I couldn't find his hiding place. It wasn't worth going through the violence again if I'm not getting my children back. I had not seen them since they dumped me on Tommy. 
He wouldn't take me to see them and they wouldn't bring them to see me and he never mentioned or talked about them. Fucking someone I can't stand I think that drooling bullshit were warning signs of danger. He wouldn't take me to see our house either I knew why, but didn't say anything more. 
I knew my friend who was fucking him is living in there with her two kids. He didn't know I knew. I got shit faced drunk trying to get up the nerve to get out of this situation before it becomes a matter of my life. In the middle of the night scared to death he would feel me getting out of bed scared he would see me quietly sneaking out the door. 
Also scared to death he would follow me. Once out of sight I ran down a big hill rolling and falling all the way down as fast as I could go. Once away from him I ran to the highway to hitch back to Florida. I knew getting my kids was hopeless. I would someday find another way of getting them back. 
A trucker thank GOD pulled over I got in quick still thinking maybe he was behind me. What if he saw me? Once the trucker's truck was going down the road I kept looking back in the rear view window. When I knew I was safe gone out of his life I knew now to keep going no matter what! 
The trucker took me part of the way at first then he was going the total opposite direction from Florida I didn't care I needed to get far fast. I did however take his bag of pot I felt this was the least the man owed me since his mother gets to keep the kids his girlie friend and her kids get to keep the house AND he did get pussy while I was there. 
That trucker was such a sweetheart and gentleman he never touched me nor asked for sex though I was drunk out of my mind and stoned. He let me sleep for awhile after pulling over several times to let me throw up. I smoked a joint to mellow me out from the alcohol poisoning. The trucker was waiting patiently all this time inside the Restaurant. 
When I walked in he handed me a towel and shower supplies. He paid for me to get a shower. When I got out of the shower he had a full breakfast sitting there waiting for me. I was an alcoholic some alcoholics can't or won't eat very often or very much when we do eat. This was how I was anyway. 
I ate enough to barely get something in my stomach to ease the pain in my ulcer. I had still not paid any attention that I now had a serious ulcer I didn't know much about that for the rest of my life I will have to watch, baby and care for this ulcer. All I wanted was out of this world out of this life so it didn't matter to me what kind of shape this ulcer was in. 
I prayed for it to explode take the easy way out. When we got back into Ole' Blue I invited him to the bed in the back of the cab where he let me sleep this all off and get over it all. I rarely have an orgasm or get off while having sex except for the three occasions I mentioned earlier. 
There was this one time I remember Rocky getting into my bed and finger fucked me. He was so gentle perfect quiet didn't try to kiss or have sex. He got out of my bed when he was through. I don't remember ever seeing Rocky again or even hearing anything about him after that day or was it night? 
I was so mellow, relaxed and I felt safe very appreciative of all that trucker had done for me. Vulnerable buzzed and severely hung over I let him have sex with me. Unconditional we both had a great time! He was gorgeous and built with a six pack OH MY GOSH! 
I was surprised and of course smiling I got off with this man a total stranger who I know is dropping me off in a day or so. He got me going in the right direction in more ways than one and let me off. A man picked me up to give me a ride. He pulled to the side of the road and put a knife to my throat he was a black man. 
Another trucker saw this happen and almost jack knifed in front of us got out and was coming to my rescue. It got the man's guard off enough for me to jump out. That trucker saved my life and gave me a ride back to Florida. Hitchhiking is not a safe life, but it got me around for many years the concrete was safer less abusive then people. 
Many women know the life of the highways and streets and it's dangers. I have a good saying, "Everyday is Lift Your Shirt For a Trucker Day!" I made that up years ago and now days there are bumper stickers saying this. Many years ago a man picked me up while hitchhiking on the highways. While giving me a ride he asked me if I was hungry. 
After talking and riding for awhile I felt pretty much safe. He lived in the country and took me to his house. Through the long ride in the country he kept reassuring me not to worry please feel safe he's not a rapist murderer etc...we talked for a long while. He was a cutie so he didn't need to use force or violence to get anything. He made me breakfast. 
Let me take a shower and put on some of his wife's clothes. She was almost my size. I was thinking what a sweetheart. I already knew I wasn't going to get out of this without having sex. After eating and talking some more he let me sleep for awhile. When I woke up he reached into a drawer pulled out a gun held it to my head. I had to think fast. 
Hoping he would listen to reason I said; "You don't need that gun it's not necessary to go through this. I'll give you whatever you want you knew that from the beginning." He put the gun away. I was surprised it had been that easy. 
I was then obligated to have sex with him in any manor he asked to save my life. We had sex he took me back to the highway and let me off. I felt relieved and lucky to be getting out of this with my life and body in one piece. While hitchhiking during winter still young on the highways two men picked me up and took me to their house saying, "I could stay." 
We all had sex for months on end. This was working out really good. We took turns cooking. We had many private parties with plenty alcohol and drugs. I thought this was really wonderful. Both men seemed to care about each other and me both of them were lookers awesome in bed. They both loved to cuddle and rub all over me. This was so awesome! 
New Year's Eve it was my birthday. While outside building a snowman two women pulled up. Their girlfriends! They never told me about any girlfriends! I was so sad. They were inside playing it off I was just a kid their cousin they had been put in charge of watching. They were making a birthday cake for me which made all they were telling them look good. 
I had not expected girlfriends to come into our perfect lives. I didn't want any trouble nor cause them any. They had been good to me. I snuck off crying in the knee deep snow and went back to my love the highways. Many stories while on the highways and streets of knives guns and violence while hitchhiking. 
I made it back to Florida in one piece safely once again was now working two jobs. Mario's full time as a lead cook and full time at Cruise Inn cooking. It didn't take long to become head cook at both places. I was renting a small room from one of the servers at Cruise Inn. 
I always tried to find a location where plenty of bars were near me either where I lived or worked. I was hanging out at La Vista a lot. I loved playing pool darts and was really good at hustling, but it always seemed I'm the only one with any money. Being a woman this came easy for Franny and I. We used to hustle pool for beer and money. 
Every Restaurant I worked for as a cook I'd stay for 5-7 year's some a couple of year's usually always became the lead cook usually working two job's full time. Since the marriage with Tommy I was determined I would work and have my own money. 
When I was younger nothing concerning my body, men and childbirth were never explained to me and it was never explained how people got food, clothes, shelter or a home. I had to learn and figure out everything on my own. Other than using men for all this I learned you have to work to get a paycheck. 
Tommy always disabled my vehicle's or use violence to keep me from working. A pay check in my hand in my name was the greatest thing to me. I was always determined to be the best most trusted most dependable cook any Restaurant could want. I wanted to always have the manager's complete trust wherever I went. 
I was determined never again would anyone or anything prevent me from working boss me around or tell me what to do. I was proud of becoming the head or lead cook everywhere I went. Usually I always beat out a man for the position. A few restaurants closed down on me without any notice no pay or even severance pay. 
I would go there to work only to find they evacuated everything no way of contacting them to get my pay. It would not only put me out of a job many times the two restaurants would bid on me to work for them. Whoever would pay the highest this was the one I would pick to have them close down on me. 
It's got to be that one minute thing till midnight New Year's Eve in one minute I would have been a New Year's baby one minute behind my mom put me in life one minute missing every opportunity that comes my way one minute of being the best at everything I have ever done missing out by one minute always.
I was playing darts in La Vista as usual paying for everyone's beer that was playing darts with me thinking do men ever have money? Can't anyone ever buy for me? This night I wanted to get out of paying for everything early. I went to the bar to get everyone another beer. Two men were sitting there a younger man, Billy and his uncle, Bert. Billy was kind of cute. 
I overheard Bert make a bet with Billy $20.00 he could not get me. They didn't know I over heard. I was going to make Bert pay the bet. Alcohol and drugs bring many people together and helps them make many mistakes in life. I bought them both a beer go figure huh? I went to their house that night, but it was aggravating we could not get rid of Bert. 
Billy would not tell him to leave we had sex with Bert sitting a few feet from us watching television no scruples some men! This apartment was like a small barn with nasty dishes piled seemed for months, gnats flying around, maggots everywhere, roaches ran the place, rats were frequent visitors and the place was flea ridden. No way I could stay here I hate bugs!
I felt lucky to have a small room of my own. It wasn't much, but it was clean and I didn't have to stay there what time I wasn't working I'm in bars. I spent much of my time with Billy, but he had to get out of that place get rid of Bert who insisted on not leaving didn't care if we had sex near him, but I did! I wanted to be alone with Billy.
A year so many parties later we were married. In his best friend's house in the country in their living room with an O-ring from a motor of a vehicle for a wedding band we found on their floor a dress so big I had to hold it up drunk stoned out of my mind not knowing what I was doing or getting into they held me up to say, "I do." 
Other than fishing alcohol and drugs we had nothing in common. I enjoyed his company although he liked and didn't seem to mind living like a rat I couldn't clean this man up. Bert and his other uncles I met fell into this category, RATS, ROACHES, maggots, FLEAS & ANTS! Fourteen years I was married to Billy.
I'd get clean nice apartments Billy his family and friends always trashed them. He wouldn't help with dishes, never pick up his clothes nor wash them. He never did anything considered housework. Is this all there will be in life for me? 
All that is out there as choices are drunks, drug addicts, doing and caring for another human who is like a child who can't help himself and what's worse drinks alcohol, gets loud mouthed and belligerent. Can life be lived without other people listening watching us have sex paying for everyone's keep and booze room-mates uncles always up our ass? 
No one would pay for anything nor help with anything! If I fought which there were a lot of fights over buying alcohol and drugs for every uncle friend bum girlie friends and ex-girlie friends he drug in it would become huge fights. I felt if I continue buying for everyone I will continue drinking and drugging myself. Why buy for everyone and not get anything myself? 
It mostly kept me broke. No one all those years would pitch in. Billy refused to kick any of them out. It cost a fortune to supply for him his friends and girlie friends or what he called friends many of them were abusive to me. If I mentioned anything to Billy about how they were treating me he would tell me then you leave. 
Many times I asked why can't we live alone? I usually ended up kicked out in the streets. For many years of this marriage I lived on the streets more than in any shelter I had ever lived in before in the past years. I pay rent bills alcohol and drugs then I have to go find a place to rent. 
Most times when he wanted to be with his ex-girlie friend Sherry or friends or my money ran low he would kick me out. It's hard to pay for everything to get a place to stay or sleep when you have to wait on your next pay check each time you get kicked out. I thought for the first few years I loved this man. 
Today I don't know if love isn't just another word society made up. When he ran out of girlie friends. friends and money he'd take me back time to kick me back in. Just as I was getting on my feet had a place to stay of my own money in my pocket. Billy his girlie friends and friends would drain me drag me down. 
One fight I told Billy I had enough of all this bullshit paying all the bills paying for all the beer and drugs AND putting up with his nasty ass uncles and his room-mate's nasty asses. We fought all day. I was running out of money because I paid for twelve pack after twelve pack for everyone. I finally refused to pay anymore.
I walked down the road he talked me into getting into the car with him. He told me to pull over we'll fight like men. Fight like what? Men? What a stupid thing to say or do! Your mad I finally refused to continue buying for everyone and you want to fight me like a man? I pulled over so we could get out of the car to fight like a man. 
I looked him straight in the eyes held my fist up in the air. He thought I was going to hit him dead in the face he would have deserved that too, but instead I kicked him dead in his balls hard as I could brought him to his knee's puking. Got in the car and drove off. Later he stole the car went to Orlando with Sherry. I was torn up emotionally, physically and financially. 
My ulcer exploded, four children were stolen, three abusive marriages with Bobby, Billy and Tommy, years of all the highways, violent men from the past, my parents and family and all the child hood abuse, the incest and inbreeding of many relatives, my baby sister being raped by our brothers, The tragic deaths and now this. 
I wanted to die that's all I ever wanted out of life to get out of life! I never cared what happened to me anymore. Most times I called Billy trying to convince him I have not been with anyone that I love him let's please work this out. I didn't know at first, but his friends and Sherry were sitting there telling him I'm no good I'll drag him down. 
His mother even told him this. I rarely slept or ate and beer for many years was a chaser for Jack Daniel's, Tequila, whiskey and wine. You can only imagine the incidents over my life I'm not remembering or writing down only highlights. Going ahead of myself this my life must come out to the Glory of God! 
I overdosed two times over the past, present, my kids, my life, past men and this piece of shit man. The first time I baker acted myself into Glenn Oaks. A rehabilitation center. I always talked a doctor into prescribing me Elevils. Soon as I got the prescription I would leave. If I drank enough alcohol do enough drugs to get my nerve up to do it. 
Taking them one at a time walking down the road back pack loaded with alcohol beer and drugs. I had to keep my nerve up you understand. I got to our apartment was looked in the window Billy was having sex with his ex Sherry. He was doing other friends of our's old girlfriends off and on during the entire marriage. He heard noises outside. 
Normally being a Hillbilly from the Appalachian mountain's back woods I would have been quiet, but not with enough alcohol, drugs and Elevils to kill a horse in me. Billy called the law. So no one would find or rescue me I hid behind the washing machines in the laundry area. 
Eventually they found me with enough alcohol drugs and the entire prescription in me to have ended a bear's life. He told them to take me to jail. The story the officers told me was they didn't find the bottle of empty Elevils clenched in my fist till they booked me put me in a detox tank then rushed me to the hospital. 
On the way there my clothes were torn off once again. Four days later I came to finding once again tubes wires and charcoal everywhere. They baker acted me back into Glenn Oaks. Smart thing to do on their part huh? This was how I kept the prescription going. Before I left I was in possession of another fresh prescription of Elevils. 
After going through this a couple times being angry coming to in hospitals thinking why Lord do you keep letting people find me? I don't want to be in this shell you put me in. I can't take life I'm a big failure a loser. I can't even overdose right. Should I have taken more precautions to not be found? Just what do I have to do to get you to let me out of life? 
The fourth time they baker acted me I was no longer allowed to be released to the streets. They kept me on the Elevils though. I was smiling happy that doctors and shrinks would keep you supplied like this and prescribe them to someone who always comes in there from an overdose from the very thing they are prescribing to me over and over. 
How clever of them huh? I finally had to choose a program to go into I could no longer grab a prescription to go. Only one of the options could freedom be obtained. I chose to invest what I had left of my money to go into a Christian program in the mountain's of Tuscawilla, Alabama. 
While in this program I witnessed a few things I only heard about in the past over the years I know what I saw was real. These were people who had gotten there through similar circumstances even the people who ran the place. A minister was flown in from up North. I witnessed and watched slaying of spirits. It's an experience I will never forget AND this was real!
These people on that mountain had been through a lot in life had no reason nor nothing to gain from putting on a show or act. I know many atheist, scientist, rationalist and smart ass know it alls can all explain very well how talking in tongues is only a matter of well practiced backwards sentences sometimes a learned practiced thing. This is not true. 
They are spontaneous from God and will have someone usually a stranger to all around interpret it. Explain rational reasons for the spiritual happenings or events that has happened to me all through life. The things I've witnessed and experienced in my life none of you can explain it to me no better than the Bible does! 
I tend to believe HIS words over any humans any day! Cigarettes were a luxury to them and coffee and cigarettes were a luxury to me. I brought many cartons I was sharing with everyone. They truly cared these people, but I didn't. I found myself a private place in the back woods dug out a hole so I could be warm stayed there all the time. 
They were always looking for me. It was a requirement to show up for morning prayer they could never find me. Whatever I needed desperately to see my kids. Desperate also for some kind of alcohol and drugs. During a rain and snow storm on a mountain in Tuscawilla, Alabama where I had no clue where I was at I decided to run away. 
I watched them from the woods I ducked into riding back and forth looking for me. When I thought it was safe and they had given up I hitch-hiked out of that mountain. Three men picked me up and thank goodness they had beer and pot! 
After drinking and talking with them and their wives for quite some time I started the long journey of hitchhiking to find my kids again. I located them through many operators and Katy's brothers snitching her out again. Knee deep in snow and ice rain I was ran off when I got there. I didn't get to see my kids.
I hitchhiked back to Florida changed my hair style looks and clothes. I kept walking past the apartment where Billy and I had lived. He saw me, but didn't recognize me. He yelled one of his old sayings; "Hellooo nurse!" This was my invitation back into his life and hopefully somewhere to get some sleep. 
One of his friends, Brian bummed from us for years said; "Billy you'll never guess who it is. It's Mary!" He was in the kitchen making a date with one of my friends to go to one of our favorite bars together. Talking her into having sex with him and it was evidently not a problem. They were going to have sex when I walked in. He knew an opportunity.
I had money for alcohol and drugs so he blew her off for me. She was not one to help pay for everything for a length of time. She was more on the high maintenance charts, but I was. This was how Billy looked at things. We started selling acid and pot again mostly free to his friends ex-girlie friends and Sherry of all people!
A friend was getting busted by the D.E.A. We went to the field across the way to watch. They tore down everything ceilings walls doors vents stereos refrigerator. When it was over our room-mate had our friend's children hiding in the same woods with them. We found cold long neck Budweisers everywhere. The D.E.A. threw them everywhere. 
There was not a home left intact for her and her kids to come back to. We got as many long neck Budweiser's as we could carry and were going back later to get more. Billy wouldn't let me go back with him only his friends and Sherry. I was tripping on acid pot beer and Jack Daniel's my whiskey of choice. 
I could drink it continuously chasing it with beer after everyone passed out I'd still be drinking. I didn't want to be left alone like this. Many times in the past when we went out on burglaries or robberies such as robbing nurseries they would leave me abandoned me in the places most times never return and they did it again. I went to borrow the landlord's car. 
I kept knocking and finally looked in. He was having sex so I borrowed the car anyway. He kept the keys in it for us. I still had no license no ins no proper tag plus those felonies and DUI's from Kentucky more had been acquired in Florida. I couldn't see out the back window it was storming windows fogged so was I. 
I ran into one of the apartment buildings taking out an entire corner of the apartment. A bedroom and waterbed where people were sleeping. I ran no one no where believed what happened. They kept saying, "She's tripping messed up." I went back to our apartment, but no one there believed me either. 
I knew the law was coming I got all the beer drugs and drug money took it all to a ditch to hide where I could see everything till I knew they were gone. The woman the D.E.A. busted was one of our suppliers I was protecting everyone. I didn't want me or anyone to get busted. 
Before the law came I heard everyone yelling raising cane saying, "I stole the drugs money and alcohol." When the law came and left I returned with everything to prove I had not stolen anything. Although the drugs pot beer and money was mine anyway. This was not how they looked at it. The landlord put 2 charges on me both felonies. 
Billy and Sherry thought it would be funny to add some more charges on me fake charges. Several counts of criminal mischief assault vandalism 2 charges for burglary and grand theft. One of those charges I rented to own one of the first build in VCR-TV Stereo combination systems. This was another time Billy kicked me out again. 
Billy Sherry and his friends stole the system. I sent the company after it. They could not find where they hid it. It was in my name so I got the charges. The system was never located. 2 other charges for grand theft were added on. The landlord put two felonies on me for criminal mischief grand theft and another charge I can't even recall. 
I met a man called Frog. He said; "He wanted to help me" during another time Billy kicked me out. Frog promised if I made a run with him up North he would take me to see my kids bully his way into my ex mother in law's and make them let me see them. With hopes to see my kids I went. We stopped at a truck stop in Michigan. 
He asked if I would be in the mood finally for sex. Frog was old and gross. He had a machine he held to his throat enabling him to talk. I didn't want to have sex with him. He was thinking I was stuck in this situation I had no other choice said; "Well then I'll just take it." I jumped out asked for my purse back pack money and my belongings. 
He wouldn't give anything to me nothing. Once again in snow and cold I hitchhiked back to Florida. I got lucky truckers helped me make it all the way back to Florida with their CBs. We were living with a bunch of thieves. We were all tripping and drunk. This night they begged me to show them where Frog lived. 
After hours of fighting over this I took them to Frog's house. Being the smallest in the crowd knowing the man's house. I climbed into one of the windows wanting myself to get even with this man. I opened the front door let them strip this man's house of all his belongings. Later Frog put three felonies on me guessing it was me who was responsible. 
Now there were enough prison points to put me away forever. With all the ones from Kentucky and now twice as many here in Florida. Frog stalked me for a long time till I finally left town. I never took nor got anything from Frog's house. Billy and our room-mates split everything up. I got 3 more charges added to the other charges. 
An excursion I went on the judge called this 2 years in Bradenton jail later. During this 2 years in jail I rewrote my book on paper from the classrooms only to think it will never come of anything. Why bother it'll only end up a minute late. Maybe I just have not went through all that HE has for me to go through and it's just not HIS time yet! 
Everyone will want money to publish it and promote it I'm poor I don't own money. I reasoned away all negative aspects of why I could not do this yet threw it in the trash can on my way out the door. I also didn't want it to get into the wrong hands nor let the wrong people read it. 
You can't write the truth about things when you know someone is looking over your shoulders or reading your stuff or stuff about them. I got to know a lot of women in the jail systems over the years society calls them/us the criminal element crack heads prostitutes drug addicts alcoholics dealers thieves what the fuck ever. 
To be truthful there are rock heads living in all areas. Crack/rock heads I've gotten to know over the years most of them are pretty good people would do anything for anyone when they are straight or in jail if you get to know them. In jail no one gets bullied or pushed around no one has anything.
Everyone has the same things no access to anything the same way as everyone. Now if a white girl says the N word in the wrong content it's on. Our white asses will be beat down in a corner where no CO nor officer will see it. I've seen it from under the blanket hidden I've seen it happen. 
It may be according to which jail system or county your in also for instance the Sarasota jail be best to keep our white asses out of that one. In HIS eyes I think believing is the only requirement. These women came and went came and went during my 2 year stays you know the ole revolving door. My charges had not all been taken care of on a final note as yet. 
Many more DUI's no license wrong tags later the law found me again. Lights surrounding the house I was holding my breath in a closet. Much later I realized what happened. Billy and our room-mate Jessica wanted to be alone they wanted to fuck so they turned me in. I didn't catch on till recently what was happening all these years. 
My own husband kept setting me up trying to get rid of me. When sex and money expire with Sherry and others he would come calling on me. While in jail this 2 year stretch I wrote my story. I didn't catch on till many years after Billy's death all these years Billy and Sherry was turning me in to the law every time we got back together. I couldn't tolerate being in population. 
I pretended to be suicidal wanting out of population. I tore up a white sheet, twisted it around my neck using a pen for a vice to tie it off so I could not change my mind. It got their attention. I was thrown into a metal cell metal beds metal sink no pillow no nothing no clothes a bologna sandwich three times a day. 
I got my private room then talked the doctor into giving me a fresh prescription for Elevils. For two years I hid them in the bottom of my mattress till I got enough to overdose on. My room-mate went to church one day I took them all. She came back and found me. I was hoping there had been enough time lapse to die. 
Miss Nurse Grace took care of me all this time and issued my pills to me. She let me take a shower at nights when she came in. She was good to me. She put a TV in front of a little hole so I could watch TV. She would bring me matches and my cigarettes. Food did no good to bring I flushed it down the toilet for as long as I can remember. 
When they weighed me a trustee gave me a large thick book. I put this under my uniform for weight so they would think I was not losing anything. Believe me this was hard to do when dinner was chicken or something that smelled really good I still flushed it. They never came into the room so they didn't know there was a book in there. 
They turned off all the television sets in the jail the overdose incident was being televised. This way they thought none of the other inmates could get the same idea. This is why they now crush your medication in a tiny paper cup and watch you take it. Four days later in the hospital they finally took it all to court. 
Because of the first two years and those last two years I was free. They put me on supervised probation which down the road I violated many times over. I still owed fines, court cost and attorney fees of $3,900.00. After they released me I saw the nurse put my prescription for Elevils behind their desk in the hall. 
A crazy girl was screaming in the room I got them in there to help her while I stole my prescription back. Then the fucking law decided I needed to be baker acted. I knew this would be no problem for me to talk their doctors into releasing me which I did and they did. I went to a friend's house to see if I could stay Billy was there. He's a Christmas baby it was Christmas. 
He decided I was his Christmas present, but I was no longer in love with anyone at this point! We had sex that night as always before it was lousy boring and always took a minute or two it was over meant nothing to me. Billy is a one timer not even good at that. He has a small penis. No cuddling, no affection and he know nothing about foreplay yet he bragged to everyone. 
We went out to bars that night they spent all my money. Billy went back to our old apartment living with Sherry and their son. I waited for him to come back like he promised for about four or five days. I went back into strip dancing several times within the next couple of years. One way to make quick money, but too many violent deaths and money stolen time and again. 
It wasn't worth staying with these kind of jobs. Lots of men drugs and alcohol in this job, but no tax returns and hard to hang onto your money. Several times I gave men money anywhere from $600.00-$800.00 to get cocaine and would never see them again. Too many times friends men or other dancers stole my money. 
I always tried to attract what I called the suit and ties. They usually owned a business or clubs and always had plenty of cocaine alcohol and drugs. Comfortable in the fact that 99% of men can't get it up while on coke or while drinking I was usually pretty safe in that area. They mostly wanted female company. 
I wanted to get these kind of people trusting me so I could come and go in their establishments be trusted and do coke with them it usually worked. Sometimes I would be with a dancer or bartender who would put out and I'd still be safe in that area. I eventually always went back to Billy he was out of money of course. 
Sherry nor other women or friends had money it was easier this time to kick them out for me. He always let them come back. I was tired of the no where dancing jobs, restaurants closing down, Billy going with Sherry and others, kicking me out whenever he wanted and running through all my money. I decided Denny's Restaurant is a big company. 
Back then they were mostly all still Corporate and wouldn't be a company likely to close down. I had seen the cooks in the windows. I've been head cook or just a cook at a lot of places already so it couldn't be all that hard. Kind of a challenge since most all restaurants such as I-Hop, Perkins, Olive Gardens and Denny's are restaurants with the largest menus to remember. 
I was State certified so I would only have to get certified through their corporate office. I started out in the dish room. I got all my work done and hang out on the line cooking prepping and helping the cooks. A few days I was running everything in the restaurant. They loved my work and with all the other cooks recommendations they put me on line as a cook. 
I needed a white shirt, black pants and black shoes. I hadn't gotten a check yet. I was working for Sonny's BBQ pit earning cash tips for the uniform I needed to go online as a cook at Denny's. Working both jobs to get enough to get a uniform together. I was only making $10.00 a day in tips at the Pit it's a really slow place. 
I hitchhiked to a thrift store to get the shirt and pants, but still not enough for shoes. I'd have to work another day at the pit to get enough for shoes. A man picked me up to give me a ride. He said; "He would give me $50.00 for sex." I was desperate to have this job get away from Billy. Billy had gone with so many women and exes. 
I wanted this job it was becoming an obsession to me. In my mind this job was the ending of all the bad luck in restaurants, a great start to a new career. I would not have thought then that 35 or so years down the road it would be the ending of my career and of me emotionally. 
After all I'd been through in life what was a few minutes of my time to get shoes today and not have to work in that stupid pit. Everyone else has used me and my pussy up in life what the hell would it matter if one more man did it to me? No one cares about me anyway. No one would know or care. We drove way out to somewhere I don't know where far away. 
After we fucked when it was over he stopped at a store. He gave me a couple of dollars and told me to get us both a beer. I thought how nice of him. I came out with our beer and watched the man drive off with my purse, shirt, pants AND the money. I not only didn't know where I was, but had to start over again. I couldn't tell anyone what happened. 
I felt humiliated and disgusted with myself, nasty and dirty. I couldn't get into a shower I didn't know where I was in no where land in the heat in Florida. I eventually made enough to get the uniform and found my way home. I was in as a cook. They loved my hard work, determination, commitment, loyalty, presentation, speed, deep cleaning and could lift more than most men.
We were still into drugs and alcohol heavy. Billy and I got into a huge fight over giving Sherry free acid, beer and pot. I caught her many times in between his legs him in between her's. She always threatened to whip my ass, but this day she sat down and cried. I called her on it! Billy and Sherry moved to Orlando doing more than working together. 
He was swearing to me they were not fucking. Sherry was also fucking Connie, Billy's uncle and some of the other men on their crew. So, yeah right! Sherry will fuck a lot of men in one night. I've seen her do it. She had sex with her boyfriend then came over to our house and had sex with our neighbor then with our room-mate and was trying Billy all in the same day. 
She is a fucking tramp. My work shoes were at the apartment where we lived so I couldn't go back to get them. I wore my LA Gear Tennis shoes into work that day. The manager gave me such a hassle over not having the correct shoes. She wanted to send me home and was yelling at me all day over shoes. 
They were locking up freezers and coolers for security because other cooks were shopping there. I know this to be true. I was rooming with a couple of them off and on. Crazy in my mind I was in no emotional shape to take all this yelling from her. She can kiss my ass. I still had that full bottle of Elevils in my possession. 
I started taking them two at a time crying while she kept yelling at me. No one knew I was sweating hard working on that line dripping with sweat taking Elevils and having a nervous breakdown. I had no home, no human to care about or to care about me and everyone wants to take my babies and all men want to do is be mean to me. 
And all my family wanted to do is be mean to me and managers were always mean to me. She was really pissing me off I was thinking and feeling that none of them know I'm going to leave never come back I meant that literally. By the end of the shift I should have enough Elevils in me to go somewhere to hide and take the rest and hopefully die this time. 
I had enough of this bullshit manager yelling at me. I asked her to unlock the freezer I needed some stuff she went in the freezer to get what I needed and I locked her in and said; "Now you'll shut up." I'd been there a couple years by this time. I let tickets and customers add up during the shift. Me my incorrect shoes and Elevils walked out. 
I left the Restaurant full of hungry people and the manager in the freezer. What else could I do? She wouldn't shut up! They could not call in a cook we were all at a party. The servers saw the only cook walking out so they went to the party too. They hired me back by the way I'm THAT good of a worker. I went to a bar good a place as any to commit suicide. 
I can get shit face while I get shit faced. A man I talked to many times for a lot of years in many bars starting talking to me. Keep in mind I was still steady taking Elevils on through the night. I knew he wouldn't hurt me or take advantage of the situation. I was thinking this man has a heart of gold why not stick him with this suicide mission. 
I kept talking to him all night while drinking and taking Elevils. The bar was closing. The bartender asked him if he knew me and said; "I think she's trying to overdose. Could you please take her and watch out for her." He didn't know what or how many I had taken. I don't remember leaving the bar. I knew I was in good hands though. This was also an old friend of Woody's. 
I laid on his bathroom floor and don't know how many days past. Laying in my own puke, blood and alcohol, but still alive. Guess this means I have to suck ass with the General Manager of Denny's huh? Sick and weak I sucked up to the G. M. at Denny's and they took me back, but I had no where to stay. 
I went to Vince's. Remember my old friend I mentioned who owned a house boat on Snead Island next to Stone Crab Restaurant for many years? Though he was married to Mary now he still owned the houseboat and the friendship didn't end between Donna, Vince, Mary or I just because he married one of us. 
I stayed with him a couple of days he introduced me to some friends of his who brought a boat up from under the Ocean to restore. They let me rent this nasty boat with no windows, mosquitos, wasp, bees and the like and people partying on it all the time, but it was a place to lay down at night when things cooled down a little after work and the bars. 
Sherry was in town visiting Billy's mom and family. I was hanging out at a bar called the Sunshine Inn. I knew the owner's Ken and Kim. Woody and I hung out in there for years always stayed all night many nights to do cocaine with them they thought the world of me. 
There were many days I wandered in strung out from being kicked out by Kevin, Woody, Billy or strung out from dancing all night or when I get kicked out or raped. They give me coffee, beer, whiskey or cocaine. Whatever I needed they would help me. Sherry and Billy's sister, Dixie came in and sat at the other end of the bar. I didn't talk to them, but sent them a beer. 
They asked me to come sit with them. Sherry and Dixie told me Billy was through with me. He'd been using me and he was to be with Sherry from here on out and wants me to leave them alone. Billy always went to his mom's with Sherry on holidays though as his wife I was never invited for anything. They had family drawings Billy always got Sherry's name. 
I found her name in his pants and asked him about it. He said; "It was no big deal I bought her a stereo system I always get her name." He told me to leave. I was being kicked out again. He said; "We need to take a break." We had not been together very long why would we need a break so soon? I didn't want to take a break from the marriage or him. 
I wanted him to be affectionate towards me. To love me, hold me stay with me, but he could never do any of this, not for me. I wasn't hard to live with and not that bad to look at. I always tried to look out for my weight, not be bitchy, I buy whatever and do whatever I was told to do. So why didn't him or anyone want to be with me? 
No one in life ever wanted to be with me. I loved going to the Manatee River in between jobs or bars sit there all alone stare at the water and play over and over "Sittin on The Dock of the Bay" by "Otis Redding." I hope I spelled his name right did him justice I loved his voice and songs. 
My dreams and fantasy is that I was to meet and marry Otis Redding and he would sing to me forever. And Cinderella's shoes were my hand me downs. On this night Sherry and Dixie was in the wrong bar! After they were through with what they had to say to me I quietly went back to the other end of the bar. I told Kris what they were doing to me. 
He escorted them outside and told them this is Mary's bar. She's our friend, she's been coming here for many years we love her. Get the hell out of our bar and out of our parking lot don't come back ever AND watched them drive down the road. There would not be any trouble when I left the bar that night. 
Sherry came to Denny's the next night and told me she was through raising Billy. She has a kid to raise and no longer has the money time nor patience to tolerate Billy. I can have him if I wanted. I was working two full time cook positions at two Denny's making killer money. 
I was collecting up furniture storing it at one of the waitresses house till I could get an apartment. I planned on having all the stuff by the time I found a place. I was staying wherever I could stay. Most everyone I was finding to stay with had one problem or another. One waitress was getting a divorce so we had to leave that house. 
Another was getting evicted so we had to leave that house. Situation after situation I just couldn't win, but kept trying. I called Billy. Of course knowing I was doing good finally had money in my pockets again at least 4 or 5 checks coming in all the time back to back he said; "I'm broke if you wire me money I will come get you." In the car I bought he took. Imagine that. 
I wired him money three days later he hadn't shown up yet. I bought a living room suit, big TV and a water bed. Enough stuff and furniture to fill an apartment. I put it all in storage then talked to the district leader which was Bugs. He used to be the window washer for Denny's in Bradenton for many years and is now a district leader in Orlando. 
I talked him into giving me a transfer to Orlando. Off to find Billy stupid or what? I'm a glutton what can I say? Hey from what you've read already does it look like I make good choices or decisions? Oh HELL no! I still can't do that! He started going through my money right away. I was transferred to the East Col. Denny's which is one of only a few corporate stores left. 
Update on that I'm 60 now the East Colonial Denny's closed down a few years ago. I finally made it to where Billy was staying which was way out in bum fuck a small town called Bithlo. This is where all the true rednecks in dilapidated trailers live. He played the happy to see me and how happy he was his wife and him are back together routine. 
Still couldn't get sex out of this alcoholic. Nor clean him up still nasty as ever. While going to get my furniture in Bradenton his drunk friend poured cold water into our hot radiator. I heard the block crack. Back in Orlando without my furniture and now no vehicle. Three years I rode my ten speed or walked 30-40 miles one way 30-40 miles back. 
Most times after working double shifts. Another cook, Ed and a dish washer, Bobby talked with this land lord for a year or so, but never come up with the money for deposit or rent. This apartment would turn my bike ride into a couple miles instead of 50 or 60. I gave him a deposit and a few months rent in advance. Ed the cook was pissed with me. 
Him and the dishwasher partied with me a lot. I thought they would be happy for me. They both had apartments close and had given the man no money. They said; "You took the apartment from us." The land lord said; "He was tired of holding the apartment." Billy's drunk ass friend he grew up, Don and his crack head girlie friend, Donna lived with us off and on for years. 
Don went to school with Billy. Don has many girlfriends which always lived with us too or should I say, "Lived off of us (me)." Don and his last girlfriend Donna was on rock cocaine and caused so many problems for this landlord. Even though he thought the world of me he said; "We had to get out" after renting from him for over a couple of years. 
He tried to get Billy to get rid of them, but Billy refused to kick them out. This man was such a good landlord that when they picked me up once again on some old charges I was still paying on and taking care of he took my phone calls and was willing to help any way he could. Turns out he couldn't really help I had to go through the system. 
I was doing way better at getting all the things done that were court ordered in each county and state. I've heard so many stories over the years of the court ordered classes driving safety counseling DUI school anger management drug counseling parenting classes NA and AA all the court ordered stuff. I've done all of them at least two to three times each. 
It was so costly time consuming confusing and a nightmare! I've been handed down at least three or four I don't know exactly 15 year sentences. County time is harder I keep sliding by through Grace and Mercy would be my guess. Ed started sexually harassing me for longest time I didn't say anything.
The general manager Mrs. Winegar who is now managing in a Sarasota Denny's was listening watching this go on for a long time she knew I had done no wrong. I came to relieve him one night he started harassing me again. Calling me dirty names. Being slick about it so the managers wouldn't see or hear what he was doing or saying. 
He finally pushed my buttons I yelled; "Get off my line shut the fuck up let me do my job it's my line now!" The manager on duty fired me. I went to work for Red Lobster washing dishes. Mrs. Winegar scheduled a meeting with Mr. Bentley which was the head of human resource's from corporate Denny's. We met at Chi Chi's. 
They said; "You have a legal $10,000.00 law suit. What do you want to do? How do you want us to handle this?" If I knew now you know that saying. I said; "All I want is to work just transfer me to Lee Rd. Denny's". I didn't think they were seriously going to give me a lawsuit. They gave me the transfer. 
I was back to riding my ten speed or walking 40 to 50 miles again one way and 40 to 50 miles back home. I was still working doubles and long hours, but making good money. I was never making what I'm worth or what I should have been making or what the men always made. 
I felt I worked harder, faster and had better presentation and cleanliness than most percentage of cooks. I have to start all over with starting pay no matter which Denny's it is. When you leave one go to another you go back to your starting salary. WOW look how old I am now still at starting rate! 
Just no fair this thing called life I don't know where my camel and straws are anymore. They got weighed down long ago. Connie was a good friend and waitress had been there many years is still there. Over two hundred pounds had a lot of surgeries and health problems. She needed to eat a lot or she would get sick. Many of us cooks feed her. 
On third shift the food gets thrown out from swing shift. We give her food being tossed anyway. Lucia an ass hole manager warned us not to give her or anyone food without a ticket. Connie wanted mashed potatoes we were throwing out. I tried getting Lucia's attention telling her to get me a ticket, but she ignored me. 
Connie took the mashed potatoes anyway. Lucia was already on everyone's shit list. I had a really good partner I had worked with this boy for a couple of years we were a good team together. Him and I handled Friday Saturday and Sunday nights by ourselves. We jammed out to music had our own system of working together. She came in and ruined everything. 
She made us turn off the music. Made us work everything her way. She insulted my partner all the time. Made us cook for her big girlie friend dancing parties all the time the boss didn't know she was doing. She made us cook four or five big meals for her family every day or night when she left. She was mean as shit to my partner. He had enough of her one night. 
They got into a big fight he walked out. Hence she's on the shit list. Her and I were now on our own on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at Lee Road Denny's the highest volume area AND right next to Ettenville. I knew I was fucked. On Saturday night she told me to go do the day shift prep. I knew that was a mistake it was a Saturday night. 
She was going to need me here in a few minutes stupid bitch. She wanted to show me she could run the line without me. Ok sure you can while it's slow because you made the previous cook set you up, but in a few minutes your going to be crying for help. When it hits it's fast furious all night then Ettenville closes their bars and you start all over. 
When it hit she started yelling for my help tickets were pouring in. She was begging screaming all night the waitress were begging me to help her too so they could make some money. I told her I couldn't do nothing about it I have to get day shifts prep done. I left her there on that line drowning all night by herself when six O clock hit the next morning I hit that door.
I left her with her own mess and everyone walked out all night pissed. I knew she was going to fire me too so I wanted to do her in first. After all the meals and parties we cooked for this manager she was in her office writing me up for stealing food fired me put a no rehire on me after working there over seven years. 
I said; "Are you writing me up for stealing food yet you know what really happened?" She said; "Yes can you please go get the dishwasher for me?" I had been giving the dishwasher a ride for over a year or so. She had not fired me at this point till I did what I did. I told her I'll go get him and didn't show back up with him nor me. 
Now I could not get into any franchises nor corporate stores. I was getting worried. There are too many Denny's and restaurants for me to be unemployed. I got hired at the Airport Denny's which is a franchise ran and owned by the same people from the Alafaya Denny's Golden Management. It started with just a few joints to a few people in my first Denny's restaurant. 
That turned into half ounces to ounces to QPs to half pounds to a pound eventually 4 pounds turned into 6 pounds. A young curly blonde haired man always accompanied the young boy I had been getting drugs and pot from for a few years. He had never introduced me officially before. I never asked. Figured it wasn't any of my business who he was. 
One day after many years of dealing with him the young blonde curly guy walked up and shook my hand saying, "Hi I'm Pit-Bull. I'm the one you've actually been dealing with for the last couple of years. Just been checking you out. Would you like to get in on better prices through me?" 
Pit-Bull, that's all I'm going to call him turned me onto 98% cocaine for a great price unlimited amounts. I was selling it uncut while everyone else was cutting their's two to three times. And getting pounds of pot WAY cheaper. Also sheets of triple dip acid Mister natural as us oldies know it by.
Managers, General managers, District leaders, servers, cooks,  and dishwashers, people were coming out of the wood work to buy the uncut 98% coke. My stash was excellent I didn't need to keep a stash anymore. I was doing coke 24-7 on the road deliveries were astronomical. My dealer turned me onto sheets of triple dip acid. Getting really big. 
I still wanted to work, but no longer cared if they mistreated me now. I had a great backup it wouldn't matter to me anymore now. It took a year for Mrs. Coffield to find out I was in one of her stores. She told the managers she didn't care what they had to do to get me out of her store. Denny's has gone through a lot of uniform standards and changes. 
We were now allowed to wear baseball hats. Supposedly only the ones with Denny's logo, but most cooks were wearing baseball hats from the streets without Denny's logo. If you didn't have one you were to wear the paper chef hats provided by the company. Many years ago it was cloth chef hats very starched. 
It was manager's discretion as to which hats were to be worn. Most of them didn't care as long as your hair was contained. I've got a small head after sweating on those hot lines the paper hat would fall into my eyes preventing me from seeing the checks. Madam Coffield put a manager from the Alafaya store in that was there when she put the no rehire on me.
Mr. Tawilager was the one who had to cook two shifts when I walked out from that store. I had been there two years full time and with Mr. Aloma from the Semeron Store full time. Mr. Aloma outbid Alafaya on my money so I would quit and work solely for him then didn't give me the money he promised me. 
Part owner and acting manager on the shift, Mr. Tawilager told me not to come back if I leave. I had given them the legal two weeks notice ample notice and was fulfilling my last shifts. I was working two shifts training two cooks on both shifts. He warned me two or three times that if I walked out that door don't come back. I finally walked out and got another no rehire. 
Sucked I was only what a few minutes to legally clocking out? Mrs. Coffield told him to do whatever it takes to get me out of her store. Mr. Tawilager was also the manager on duty when I walked out on the Alafaya Trail store after being harassed by Mr. Brandon. He had to cook the next shift in my place or until he could get a replacement.
I took the sweaty paper hat off after it fell apart with sweat he raised hell about it. Here was his opportunity to fire me. I was training two cooks on two shift that day. One of them was my room-mate who would be coming in soon. I told him I would call Danny have him bring in either a baseball hat or a cloth chef hat whichever he preferred. 
He still went off and said; "Put the paper hat back on or else." I said; "Or else what?" He said; "Or else you no longer have a job." I tried to explain how gross and unsanitary the paper hats were. He harassed me for hours over this. I was tired of being harassed mistreated by managers general managers and district leaders. 
After a few minutes of staring each other down seeing who was going to give first or back off I said; "I guess I don't have a job." Danny didn't show up there was no one to train him.  Danny would not come in without me training him. Danny trusted very few people. He had been abused by his father and in prison. A very small man, but good hearted. 
He did coke, pot and drank with Billy and I he has lived with us off and on for quite a few years. Of course he wouldn't be showing up. I called a meeting with the district leader general manager and Mr. Tawilager just to be a real smart ass. One of the day cooks I trained now a manager of another Denny's and Danny went to the meeting with me. 
I took every kind of hat allowed by Denny's specs to show the pros and cons between the hats. After my presentation the General Manager Track said; "I had made some very good points and issues." The manager said; "Bottom line you would not do what I told you to do so your still fired." 
Labor board said; "I would win the case," but another turn of events came about in my life the case was dismissed. I could no longer fight the cause after what happened next. My sales on pot triple dip acid and the 98% coke was tripling every couple of days. 
Even when a lot of people would rip me off sometimes for only a couple hundred dollars sometimes for over nine hundred dollars it still didn't hurt me. Pit Bull was moving to California talking to me about leaving me all his business. He said; "I was the only one he trusted this much to take over." He introduced me to a big burley gorgeous guy. 
This gorgeous bearded man man said; "When you take over you will never see me. This will be the only time you will see me. I'll tell you where to pick up you drop the money." Billy continued threatening to take my truck a brand new F- 150 Ford Explorer the dope money the baby and leave. 
You know how people are whoever has the money and dope people will stick by you and be faithful. Everyone kept telling me what he was planning. He had no vehicle, no home, no food, no money and no alcohol or drugs without me. Every time he left me or kicked me out he would go back to living like a rat sleeping on floors without sheets or blankets well you know the story. 
The man just can't be cleaned up. I was beginning to see I married a sorry, dirty, rotting alcoholic. Remember although I was still doing drugs I wasn't clouded by alcohol anymore. Good consolation, reasoning, justifying or what? I could see what I could not see over the years of alcoholism. What could I have seen in this man? How could I have overdosed over him? 
Many wasted years, many wasted tears and many wasted times with abusive alcoholic men. Sex had never been anything worth bragging about now it was never, but I was glad of that. I hated it when he did want it I knew it wouldn't ever be worth my time. It wasn't on my mind anymore. Billy wasn't blessed with much to talk about in the penis area. 
Nor could he go beyond himself getting off. No compassion no romance no touchy feely nothing! Lots of money, cocaine, pot and acid was my fantasy dream come true. Cocaine has always been my drug of choice it was the only drug that could faze me anymore. People have weird dreams such as continually falling waking before the final drop. 
Continuous dreams that are the same each time not the three nights in a row dreams. Mine was flying swooping down grabbing milk jugs loaded with cocaine and walking on Waterford Crystal stairs and floors. Part of the dream came true. It wasn't Waterford Crystal stairs and floors I would be walking on though. 
One customer Jimmy a young gorgeous blonde started coming around a lot showing me a lot of attention. My hormones finally came back to life every time he came over he was adorable. I wanted him as much as he wanted me, but because of Billy neither him nor me would say anything. Fuck that shit SEX was awesome. 
It had been many years between Bobby, Coleman, Dave, that truck driver and Rocky since a man had gotten me off, cause me to have an orgasm during sex. Rocky didn't count as having sex he only finger fucked me, but it was awesome. Never with Tommy never with Billy so it had been many years once again. 
My first babies father, Bobby did and it was the most unexpected beautiful thing or feeling. Remember he is the one I want to think is Little Mary's father? He doesn't know he has a daughter by me. At that time it could have been one of three men they were all blonde haired with blue eyes. I never associated my uncle that raped me with being Little Mary's dad.
I kept a special hair tie in my hair. A lady contracted out by Disney came once in awhile to stay the night get coked up and redo my tie. It has special black beads with gold trimmed roses and tiny brass rings in between. The end was the only pewter skull snake and star of David she had. One afternoon Jimmy got so wild he pulled the tie out. 
It hurt because he pulled out a chunk of hair along with the hair tie. I couldn't stop him nor wanted to! The tie twisted around his finger in the heat of the moment so I gave the tie to him. His room-mates were customers also. Seemed everyone had become nothing more than customers. They wanted Jimmy and I to be together so it would be easier for them all to get drugs.
Jimmy got upset he thought I would never leave Dave to be his. He started going with another woman he is playing his ex wife me and this new girlie friend. His room-mates gave me her number. She agreed to meet with me and Jimmy's ex wife. Jimmy drove her out to Bithlo telling him she was copping dope. I picked her up around the corner. 
Jimmy caught on suddenly he knew who else in this area would she be getting dope from? He came screeching around the corner. All three of us were standing on the corner with our cameras ready to take shots of his reaction seeing us all together. The look on his face with all three women confronting him was priceless. A big fight broke out. 
Terry a neighbor supposed friend held him back while we got away. Jimmy was barging in his ex wife's house we were all in there he was wanting to fight with everyone. Terry punched him in the nose. I don't know if he broke it or not it was bleeding pretty bad. Everyone involved decided not to hurt an innocent person. 
Which was Billy even though it was over between us and he would deserve it. I covered my tracks well. On the occasions I was with Jimmy I would also be at someone's house selling drugs they would say, "Yes she was or is here." At Denny's someone would always say; "I was there." Jimmy called Billy told him he was having sex with his wife. 
Billy challenged Jimmy he didn't believe him cuz I said; "I didn't." I was surprised hurt by Jimmy's responses. Jimmy paid no attention to any of my features. Billy asked; "What color are her crotch hairs?" Jimmy said; "Brown." Billy said; "Wrong she's a true blonde." Billy asked; "Does she shave her legs?" Jimmy said; "Yes." 
Billy said; "No way dude she never shaves her legs she's a cook her legs are always covered she has no need to bother they are so light blonde and tiny you can't see them" not having sex for so long why bother who would I impress plus I'm a blonde those hairs are also blonde. I had been shaving my legs for Jimmy. Billy asked; "Does she have any tattoos?" Jimmy said; "No."
OH MY GOSH! I have a set of dice on one ass cheek rolled out to snake eyes another set rolled out to seven on the other cheek he didn't notice that! Jimmy said; "I can prove it I have her hair tie." Between all this somehow his room-mates got through to me told me to meet them down the road with an ounce they had something important for me. 
I was down the road meeting his room-mates exchanging the hair tie for an ounce of pot they stole it from him. I returned and walked straight to the bedroom. Billy asked; "Where your hair tie?" I walked out of the bedroom and showed it to him. I made my point, but what was the point? He didn't want me or did he ever? I was sick of his crap no longer wanted him either. 
Billy's aunt Murial was our babysitter she lived around the corner. Her son in law and daughter had been dealers years before, but they were busted by the head of D.E.A., spent time and couldn't deal anymore. Many of the dealers in Orlando and in the East area were in the same position. 
They had been busted too many times and spent too much time locked up and was glad I started dealing. Big Murial was pals with head of D.E.A. She turned in most of her sons and daughters causing them to spend time in prisons or jails over and over. Two of her sons are spending terms for murder several counts of B&E and strong arm right now. 
Murial and Freddie which are Big Aunt Murial's daughter and son in law were my biggest customers. They bought all day everyday and most nights.
Like most couples they bought for themselves for each other for friends and for the woman or man they are seeing on the side. Seems this was how most everyone was good for business though. Big Murial (mom) found out. Murial was good friends with the head of D.E.A. like I mentioned. 
Terry the neighbor supposed best friend had been begging me for months to sell to people he said; "They were his cousins." They were D.E.A. agents wired Every time they purchased. Billy, Terry, Freddie, Murial and mom Murial started planning setting me up with head of D.E.A.. One morning Freddie and Murial came and bought wired.
Billy knew Big Murial knew Terry knew Murial and Freddie knew. Billy and Terry left together. Everyone knew, but me. NINE D.E.A. agents AND the head of D.E.A. himself, ole' hairy legged Bob were sitting down the road. Little Murial kept trying to warn me to get my stuff out of the house, but could not say much they were wired. 
She kept telling me don't trust who you sleep with. I couldn't understand this one I didn't sleep with anyone. They had to do what they had to do to keep out of prison themselves. To this day Billy thinks I don't believe he had anything to do with it. There were too many witnesses too much proof he was. Plus all of their names were on all the court papers and depositions. 
I left Denny's went on vacation for two years compliments of the county and D.E.A. then Denny's went to the rule of wearing the baseball cap. That morning I felt something strange was going to happen something strange in the air I was too coked up to pay attention to my intuitions. Something horrible was going to happen. Terry kept going back and forth in front of the house.
Micky, my daughter was two and half at this time and I were in the pool. I was going in the house to do a few lines of coke and stash everything back in the woods. Before I got to the house I heard and saw a white van pull up. I thought it was one of my customers who came all the time in a van just like that one. 
I heard a loud noise. Out of no where three men with rifles in Orange jackets with D.E.A. written across their vest busted down the front door. Three other big men with rifles and orange jackets with D.E.A. written across their vest were coming around one side of the house. 
Three other big men with rifles and orange jackets with D.E.A. written on their vest were coming from the other direction around the house. Head of D.E.A. Ole' Bob following them. Still fucked up on Coke it took a couple of minutes to register what was happening. My first thought was and I knew at that moment there was a chance I would never see Micky again. 
I was trapped it was the Duke Boys-D.E.A. Billy originally wanted the drugs money truck house Micky and get rid of me. Fate didn't have the same plan. All I had on was a flowered T-back pair of panties. Agents tied my hands with some kind of wire or tie strap behind my back. Head of D.E.A. started trying to make deals with me trying to scare me. 
Terry walked up so I told them he was my cousin could he please take Micky. They knew he was the main snitch working with them I didn't know this at the time. They agreed. I didn't want her to see them drag me away like this. I didn't want the State to end up with her. I knew if I ever saw daylight again and the state had her I would never get her back.
If I snitched on Pit-Bull or anyone else they would kill Micky and Billy. I watched her all the way down the street thinking this would be the last time I saw her again. In the living room there was a small room which had been a bathroom. I jerked all of that out opened the front rebuilt it putting 2 dart boards a step up to a sink a cabinet under the sink. 
Looked to be nothing more than a sink and dart playing area. It took Head of D.E.A. awhile of searching before he figured it out. He had been standing all this time with his leg propped on the sink while trying to make a deal with me. I was watching him holding my breath hoping that sink didn't move. They found the first stash this was easy. They went right to it. 
Freddie and Little Murial just bought they knew where to go and went straight for that. The second stash was a little harder in a can in an old furnace lined with pepper to keep drug dogs from sniffing it out. Head of D.E.A. ole Bob moved his nasty hairy leg the sink moved a little. He said; "Bingo" and pulled the sink out. 
I made the counter top where it could slide forward. I had just done over $9,000.00 worth of remodeling rewiring tearing out the bathroom and every room even the floors. Putting house things not trailer things. Floors sub-floors wiring breaker boxes and breakers cabinets heaters new breakers boxes and a central AC. I would never get to enjoy it. 
Billy and his friends would destroy this. The two agents or cousins of Terry's were weighing counting everything with mask on using MY triple beams. That's what was stashed under that sink my triple beams. I turned to see them they poked each other. The woman was saying, "Put the mask back on she sees us" and continued counting and weighing. 
You would never believe how many people buying cocaine and pot were business owners, husbands or wives buying for each other then return buying for their lovers, District leaders, General Managers, Managers, Cooks, Servers, dishwashers, people from all walks of life. Most times I was protected by them to keep the drugs handy. 
My reputation, determination, dependability and maintaining being in the top 10 cooks of Orlando and other states and counties kept me in, but this was an added security. Not knowing how secure the deals were D.E.A. makes and knowing snitching would be wrong this was no one's doings, but mine if I talked Micky would be dead! 
It was smart not to say anything just take the fall alone. Billy was doing cocaine and selling with me so was our room-mates. It was always how bad I was, but lay me out another line sweetie! Ya'll know this story huh? I kept my mouth shut pretended my mind and memory was fogged by drugs. They wanted to arrest Billy too although he was working with them. 
See what slime they ALL are? They left a pound of pot, a sheet of triple dip acid and I'm sure some coke in the house to come back to bust him. They thought by working through Billy Terry Big Murial Little Murial and Freddie I would either give them names and addresses or let them set me back up in business. All they got was little ole me the drugs and money.
Detective Hancock we all call him Pat is considered the local neighborhood friendly cop everyone likes him took me out of the neighborhood. I got one more look at Micky swinging on the swing set on a corner with her buddies Amber and Amy. I looked out the back window of the cruiser until I couldn't see her anymore. 
She was having a good time not realizing this was the last time she'll see her mommy. Dad beat mom to the punch. I heard from him for the first time when I went in. I didn't know my best friend no let me rephrase that a customer and local crack head hog whore, Tammy was standing next to him. He told me he wanted a divorce. 
I was going to prison for a long time and I needed to adjust, get used to this environment. I would never get the house, truck nor Micky. He said; "Look at all the charges from the past an uncountable amount of DUI's, no license, wrong tags, no insurance, Criminal Mischiefs, Terrorist Threatenings, Arsons, Grand thefts, Burglaries, Shoplifting, Assaults and many more." 
Most of the charges are all racked up charges Tommy, Frog, Billy and Sherry put on me. Head of D.E.A., Bob stacked on top of these charges as many selling sales and delivering trafficking and related drug charges as he could in hopes the pressure would get me to work with him. Billy said; "He would prove me unfit and I abandoned Micky." 
Tammy said; "I don't know why he don't get it hard for you he has no trouble getting hard for me." That hurt, but I had lost all care and respect. I was laughing my ass off what a piece of shit they both are. That wasn't what was funny it's his tiny dick cheap ass one minute man is what she is getting. At that moment I was glad I never told him I love him. 
I try hard to never say those words to any man. It takes women's power from them. It was more for sexual needs which he couldn't satisfy or even get close. Tammy also said; "I was a pig for being in jail." I told her she had to be the big hog she was quite the regular customer. 
Micky watched them do oral sex and sex, child abuse another thing the HRS missed and couldn't see was going on. I later learned Micky was bumming around the neighborhood for food and drinks. Billy was always and still is more worried about beer, drugs and partying than anything else in his life. My mind, emotions, body, soul and ulcer was shot! 
In time I could get over everything and replace material belongings, but not Micky. Micky respects and understands the law and how God works through people no matter their profession or position to accomplish His divine perfect will. He's a spirit. He lives within and works within. She has nightmares a deathly fear of police officers and being separated from me. 
Billy warned the dealers some fled to California some laid low to see what would happen. They knew trusted I would keep quiet take the fall alone. I rarely talked of my mother so Micky and I were different from past relationships. I couldn't relate this relationship with those from my childhood my parents or even all the children that were stolen. 
I was robbed of the right to be a mother raise teach and love them. I prayed to the Lord to protect look after the borrowed soul He loaned me till we could reunite. This was not going to be like the horrifying life as a child where I preferred to be in Juvenile centers rehabilitation center jail even highways and streets as apposed to home. 
That was surely times of banging my head into walls trying to commit suicide time and again. Not able to see hear or touch any communication from the Lord as to why all had come to pass. It wasn't His time yet? Good grief when will it be? No heart nor true intentions inserted? No Blessings come from a false heart. 
This would not be like the times of old in the small town of Winchester, Kentucky in old Jim Boyd's jail there I could climb out the back window since I had no other plans no where to go nothing better to do than go to the front door knock. Jim would let me back in. Seems old Jim Boyd enjoyed dealing with me at times gave him something to do and laugh about. 
He always said; "I added character to this town." This time it would be a divine Holy purpose. The release was going to be my deliverance for Him and I only. No one else recognized anything that always ever happened to me except Him! Jesus was putting His two cents worth in where it would profit at His best. Unlike other times soul searching was in progress. 
He wasn't going to let this be as easily to escape from like the easy days of childhood sins and crimes. In Jim Boyd's days I would call him and ask if it was safe to come in town. He would say, "Mary you shot some ducks again" or something funny like I saw your poles getting wet in that man's pond I saw you pull out that big Bass. 
Just letting me know those years spent in his jail he knew I wasn't a bad person. I wasn't evil and welcome me back into town. What would it be to spend time in his funny little jail? Going in this time I would be called on my sins and crimes going out would be towards His light. 
All crimes and sins haunted tormented me even simple things such as knowing my older brothers robbed mom and dad's house and a few neighbors of all they worked hard for. Knowing they burned down houses, barns and garages at dad's command for revenge. The rapes and incest I was there I knew. Sins of my brothers, uncles, cousins even my dad, grandpa. 
All men I've encountered had sick minds and most are perverts, alcoholics, drug addicts, liars, rapist well you get that picture taking into consideration oh well they are Hillbillies? Bullshit rape is all over the world. It's not confined to Hillbillies. Simple sins things such as talking my brothers into running away with me. 
Stacking furniture on top of them while they were asleep. Tying their shoe strings together at school or on the bus when they fell asleep. Or when two of my brothers, David, Daniel, me and a cousin robbed Salvation Army dumpsters then running leaving our cousin behind to take the blame. Nah that's just funny dumb kid stuff. 
Trust me you can be the best of Marathoners or runners for charities, but none can run faster sneak past a sleeping dog or load a 357 or double barrel faster than a Hillbilly. Things I thought harmless way back when haunts and torments me now. Consequences seemed ironic then, but what about future consequences if I keep going down the same roads? 
Soul searching had to go back far sins were so great and gross it seemed forgiveness in human eyes is not nor ever would be possible. We are not talking of human's eyes though are we? Guilt of stealing, dancing, living in bars after Billy would kick me out to be with Sherry, Betty, Tammy, Toothless, waitresses, Dee, Bartenders or whoever would move in. 
Unheard of unmentionable things I've done for the sake of surviving. Horrible terrible things coming to mind when dealing with the Spirit of conviction going through tribulations with deeper thoughts soul searching OH the heavy job the Holy Spirit has, but the filth needs to come totally cleansed. 
I know smart asses your thinking you can purchase white trash or trailer trash wash at Spencer's very funny. His will and mine were working together trying to become one to fight through this battle going on in my mind things such as getting revenge the sweet taste of revenge we've all gotten this taste in one form or another even some in multitudes. 
I had a bottle of 1775 Italian wine. I caught Billy and our room-mates drinking it playing quarters. I threw a smoke bomb in the window so they would come out running stepping into many mounds of cow manure all over the porch and lawn. Sherry accused me of stealing one bar of Irish Spring soap when Billy moved in Sherry again. 
I went all over Bradenton buying stealing every bar of Irish Spring I could find in every store you could name or imagine threw it all over our (their) front yard. Stripping Sherry's car of everything in the motor then slicing her tires painting your the slut and whore all over her car though I didn't do the actual crime it was done by a concerned friend.
We were all scamming and doing Barnett bank boogies, but they were breaking and entering. We were all drinking and doing drugs. We were all stealing Waterford Crystal, Liz Claiborne, L.A. Gears, Guess, Gucci, you get the picture scamming, thieving, sex, violence, drugs and alcohol. Most times they were doing the crimes I was a third party. The one left holding the bag.
Nothing from the past present or future could hurt so badly as that instant driving away from my only life line my only love and gift from God. That moment reminded me of a story from a literature book. An old woman sitting in her shattered house. She nows everyone is dead. She's alone in the world her door bells rings. 
The gentle tugging and knocking of the Lord's loving forgiving hands made me feel like this. Alone in life so who could it be, but HIM? Getting out of the cruiser thoughts of ALL those black masked men the bright orange jackets with huge letters D.E.A. with rifles invading my house and yard. 
And the nightmares of what awaited me on the other side of those concrete walls and bars and how long would I be here this time? It happened like you see it happen to other dealers and on TV. The reality is it was ME this time and the humorous side is they only got little ole' me. 
I wouldn't work with them so they took me in booked me wearing nothing, but T-back panties. The other sad reality is how long will Micky and me be separated. When will she learn her dad turned her mom in he worked with the D.E.A. Although dad was in this up to his elbows involved too and using too. It was all free to him what the hell? 
This scripture came to mind as a child I did hear the scriptures the word of God. 
"THE YEAR OF THE LORD." *Isaiah: 61:1; The Spirit of the Lord
had taken control of me! The Lord has chosen sent me to tell the
oppressed the good news to heal the broken hearted to announce
freedom for prisoners and captives. This is the year when the Lord
god will show kindness to us punish our enemies. The Lord has sent
me to comfort those who mourn especially in Jerusalem. He sent
me to give them flowers in place of their sorrow. Olive Oil in place
of tears joyous praise in place of broken hearts. They will be called
"Trees of Justice" planted by the Lord to honor His name. Then
they will rebuild cities that have been in ruins for many
generations. They will hire foreigners to take care of their sheep
and vineyards. They themselves will be priests and servants of the
Lord our God. Treasures of the nations will belong to them they will
be famous. They will be greatly blessed joyful forever. I the Lord
love justice! I hate robbery and injustice. My people I solemnly
promise to reward you with an eternal agreement. Your descendants
will be known in every nation. All who see them will realize they
have been blessed by me the Lord. I celebrate shout because of
my Lord God. His saving power and justice are the very clothes I
wear. They are more beautiful than the jewelry worn by a bride
and groom. The Lord will bring about justice praise in every nation
on earth like flowers blooming in a garden.

*This was the English Contemporary Version. "King James" version states this better. I got out of the cruiser with Detective Hancock thinking here I go again. All eyes on me as I walked in with nothing except a sexy little flowered like a field of wild flowers of all colors T-back panties. Clearly visible in front of daylight God and everyone. 
They took the cuffs off then finger printed me then put the cuffs back on. At least there was no need of strip searching me! They cut the hair tie out of my hair that alone tore through my soul. I just had it redone after the incident with Jimmy. They took my small diamond clustered wedding ring off. After 14 years of marriage Billy finally got me one which I paid for. 
I was proud of this ring as opposed to the O-ring from a motor we used. My best friend, Scotty gave me a necklace with a pewter piece on it called an Itsnab which means "The Sword of Truth" in Spiritual terms "Shield of Truth" at that moment I felt I had not earned that nor deserved to wear this not at this moment. 
Maybe someday if I leave going towards the light I will deserve this "Shield of Truth, The Holy Spirit" which has all power over me along with County, State and CO's. Maybe after it's all over I will fell I've earned it. I will wear it knowing it's mine whereas before covered with multitudes of lies and buried in sin I could not wear this and feel it was mine or deserved. 
I know corny, but true? Sickening sounds of jail house noises metal against metal inmates crying mixed with singing. Busy trustees and officers with their loud jingling of the huge lot of keys and endless echoes of huge mechanical doors closing. My life is over I've lost it all! Doors were being opened I couldn't see. Doors that no human could offer nor open. 
He gave us all the knowledge to know what His gifts and promises are. If not they are all in the Bible. They are from within such as knowledge, Wisdom, patience etc...I've learned to ask Him for blessings from within. He don't own a car lot nor houses. I guess it's hard to explain a personal thing between Jesus His spirit His dad and I now. 
Jesus' mom family and friends are pretty handy to talk to once in awhile too. It's like having the ultimate back up plan no matter what you know you have eternity that can't be taken. Life was just beginning the story is just beginning HIS work begins. Work that many times I won't see won't recognize won't know how to listen nor follow for many years. 
It will be revealed if and when I learn to let Him lead listen to my message from Him "Be Still Wait on Me Know that I am Lord." I will have it all the Lord's will be done! All to me is eternity which is plenty of bass to catch and throw back all my dogs that were lost stolen or died will be back with me.
I was reading on the walls of the holding cell where there were many things written on many jailhouse walls. This one says, "You are walking into a grocery store where you can purchase Heavenly things to do God's work to be a Christian. 
You may purchase patience, love, understanding, wisdom, knowledge, Faith, Holy Ghost, strength, courage, Grace, Mercy, salvation, prayers, peace, joy, songs and praises. Ask an Angel where or how and how much it cost can I purchase it all?" The Angel will tell you Jesus paid the bill in full on a Cross long ago it's all yours for free." 
This too would take many years for me to acknowledge learn these are the Blessings we get and should strive for, live for, pray for that we're promised then all other things will follow. I do like FREE. I Don't think I had intentions of purchasing these things on this list, but I got it all for free. No vehicle or home though.
Huge metal doors were closing all around me life and life lines closed the Lord's doors purposes unseen were being opened. Evil thought it was righteous deceiving a friend separating a mother from her child. Capturing a notorious criminal removing a bad influence as to give way for drunkenness, fornication, false God's, back stabbing and coveting. 
Evil thinks while the criminal element has been removed and confined then evil can run amidst in her home. Evil Lucifer did not realize he was delivering me, the criminal element into the hands of "God the Father," "God the Son" and "God the Holy Spirit." 
All deceit and money taken property loss large amounts of drugs confiscated loss of husbands family children money homes false Gods material things and belongings were removed. How many times I've been here? With these things in your life you can't see not in totality as He desires or deserves. 
You only see and take what Lucifer has to offer which is a lot he's seductive and addictive among a few good adjectives I could use to describe the life I've lived with Lucifer. You can't see God when so many other God's are so easily accessible, visible, physical and obtainable. 
Material losses are false Gods and love from husbands and friends who were merely only customers were never friends of mine in reality. It's all lost gone like an elusion. Another saying of mine is ill gotten belongings can never be yours. 
The Lord was opening, healing and cleansing my hardened black broken heart He starts the process of conviction in my mind relieving my mind of all the past. As is gnashing of teeth I'm reliving in my mind feeling every sin committed crimes done by me to me as He heals brings back a soul drifting farther from it's appointed destiny. 
Or was I going in a direction He knew I would go to get to where He wanted me to be time and again? The Holy Spirit will reveal evil only accomplished a tremendous change of spiritual events within walls so awful unescapable considered God forsaken territory where no man wants to go.
Where all men and women say, "Jail house religion is only because they have nothing better to do" which is true in some cases. I know when I get to know this spirit of Jesus whom I've been talking with all my life would not mean I would suddenly be prefect make no mistakes no wrong decisions or commit horrifying seems unforgivable sins. 
I still know from what I've learned from my dad all He requires is to believe in Him. Satan opened and closed doors my entire life only to finally open doors for God's will to be Done. It was as if Lucifer tricked himself into Jesus' purpose. 
Spiritual events are taking place in this forbidden of God and man place will be revealed move your inner thoughts to prove to the world inside confined metal concrete unescapable walls jail house religion is reality for many. There is an escape route not a lie myth film over your eyes film at eleven or anything Lucifer wants you to believe. 
The Holy Spirit moved into the hearts and souls of thousands upon thousands of men and women very well known to the streets gangs dealers and court systems. Women were guided by the Lord's Spirit were brave enough to not worry what the thoughts of others were or how the out come would be was led by Faith some strong some only a mustard seed just sprouting. 
Each one through themselves giving up all for God relieving themselves of their selfish ways to help each other. Me and many others find their way to the light through God's Grace and Mercy is giving them another chance. For some it's the hundredth chance to look deeper to find the binding relationship the Lord so desires of each one. 
And for assurance of a second or last chance to not throw the Bible in the trash can on the way out the door continue to walk fellowship if you want to go towards the light which is the entrance to Heaven's gates and the light on your way out of the jail. Jesus' spirit was is and always will be here in concrete metal forbidden forsaken walls in our minds bodies hearts and souls.
Whatever evil thoughts and actions Lucifer has destroyed was now being given the knowledge to women and men the criminal element the foundation to rebuild all they have lost. Every soul will testify and agree they are getting a second or last chance to heed that calling the Lord's arrival is always near.
People worship money, drugs, family, children, sex, alcohol, material things, false Gods. I like all that stuff too. People in jails and prisons have extreme anxiety over the temporary separation from loved ones through incarceration, death or theft of large or small amounts of drugs. And many lose their businesses. 
Whatever your story or strongholds were is now all lost. I'm considering it "Money Well Spent!" I watched Micky go out of sight I was crying a gut wrenching hurting cry I couldn't stop. I thought Little Mary was the biggest hurt I had went through. I thought Shawn was the biggest hurt I had went through then I thought Chastity and Billy were the biggest hurt. 
I thought most of the men I loved and lost were the biggest hurts I had been through. I thought all the deaths in my life and losing my brothers and sisters and the stories behind all the incest were the biggest hurts. Ok I know you get the point I don't have to keep going. 
This was now the biggest hurt. There was a big chance she would be the last child I would ever have. If we get separated that makes five children I've lost. Should I wear a sign saying, "I'll have a kid for free for ya?" They took pictures for criminal records and breaking my heart by cutting my hair tie out taking a chunk of my hair with it. 
They took finger prints same old routine. They took my wedding ring. They could not take my clothes I didn't have any! I was booked under my last married name. My maiden name no longer came up in life nor has it ever come up anywhere. Stripped of human rights dignity and your right to be an adult not a citizen anymore. I was still crying. 
After days of booking and waiting they finally showered, deliced and dressed us in uniforms to take us to another room to wait to go to the Whitcomb building. There was no longer housing in the old Annex jail downtown. It was used for suicidal cells, red band criminals, juveniles, Culinary Arts class and men trustees were housed there. 
It is now and always has been roach ridden and rat infested. I know this to be true it used to be where the women were housed before the new jail was built. I also spent time there in the suicide cell. I was still crying, but now it was not from what happened, Micky or the scary terrible hurt inside kind of crying and not the fact I had never been separated from Micky. 
The pain was not from what Billy and others had done or was doing. It was not just another broken hearted mother. It was not the healing process of convictions hurt or sorrowfulness. There was a severe pain inside my stomach eating away at my guts. My ulcer was messed up. There was a pin hole in my ulcer. 
The cartilage in my nose was eaten through from cocaine I never ate much on the outside and had totally quit eating. Only drinking water reasoning it away as fasting or dieting. Was it all the pain stress an emotional trauma or nightmare left over from when mom and dad used to hit me in the back of my head while I was eating making me gag cry and almost throw up? 
Was it an emotional trauma from starving for so many years on the streets watching people eat in restaurants bars etc...not knowing I had to work for a paycheck so I could eat? Was it the fact I won't eat unless I know everyone I care about has plenty first? 
Was it an emotional trauma from all the abusive and men denying me food or starting huge fights every time I start to eat? Or was it a form of self punishment I thought everything in life whether it's good or bad was my fault? Or is it all of the above I need serious therapy just kidding that's what all men tell you when your fighting. 
I wanted to ease the pain by talking to someone I didn't care who. I confided in one of the officers. I met her later in life she said; "I am sorry for what I did to you." A CO they now call them. I told her how bad I hurt inside over Micky how bad my ulcer was hurting the pain inside was not just deep depression there was real pain inside. I told her I felt I wanted to die.
She handcuffed me put me in a room by myself overnight. I was being shipped downtown to the old Annex building where the roaches and rats were. I was once again stripped of my jail uniform thrown into a cold all metal cell. A metal bed with only a metal sink and metal toilette situated in front of the showers. 
I wasn't allowed to take a shower and was given green bologna sandwiches three times a day. I passed them through to the next cell to trade other women for soap and toothpaste. This was a normal routine for people who are suicidal. I had been through this many times when housed in many jails. 
Once I was in a tank for 6 months in Tampa waiting to be transported back to Bradenton to take care of once again the charges Billy and Sherry put on me. I tore a sheet wrapped it around my neck. I used a pencil for a vice and twisted it around then tied it so I couldn't change my mind. Obviously I was found once again. 
For months I watched women eating and taking showers. It was a torture the showers were located right in front of my cell. I had to trade my bologna sandwiches to women who were clothed fed good taking showers regularly had pillows sheets and blankets so I could get a small bar of soap to wash my body hair and toothpaste to rub across my teeth and gums. 
Sherry the lady in the next cell was there for assault on a bag lady she was later moved to the Horizon's building. Everyone thought she was stupid, but was actually highly intelligent. I didn't forget what she did for me. She said; "A huge lady what society calls a bag lady kept aggravating her harassing her for money and cigarettes. 
She kept trying to get her to leave her alone and was arrested for aggravated assault." It was nine week's before I got out of that suicide tank and met the lady who passed my bologna sandwiches to the other women in exchange for soap and toothpaste. The only time I would see these women were when they showered. 
Officers, a psychiatrist and the women could see me naked in this roach ridden rat infested all metal cell. They couldn't be bad people they helped me in exchange for my breakfast lunch and dinner of bologna sandwiches. They took turns standing in front of my cell while I washed my hair with soap rinsed my mouth with toothpaste. 
I had to carefully reach around the corner to return the newspapers I used to dry off the soap and toothpaste so there would be no evidence in my cell. I told Sherry I would bond her out with my property so she called Billy he told her off what an ass. I felt the Lord supplied me with the basics or is my taxes. Ten minutes after meeting her she bonded out. 
I didn't know how I would survive in here without family, friends or money. I don't know why I was worried about surviving in a jail without anyone or money I've done it most of my life. Sherry left me her toothpaste a big tube and three small tubes. The officers called my name for me to come out of my cell. I thought they were going to do something bad to me. 
They gave me another tube of toothpaste. There's my tax dollars at work! Once we almost got caught passing the bologna sandwiches. Sherry kept tossing her blanket over it till she was able to pull it into her cell. It was a week before a psychiatrist came to see me. Other women could ask for psychotropic and anti-depressants by name and get them no questions. 
William I met a few times over the years. We argued many times over the difference between mentally ill suicidal people and severely depressed suicidal people. Didn't I fall into both those categories? This facility and not many other jails do either could not provide proper medical treatment nor attention for a perforated ulcer. 
I convinced them I was not a mental case although standing there totally naked in front of this man less than 80 pounds. If they checked my past records dig into my history they would have found through Glenn Oak's and other county jail facilities I was pronounced evaluated as suicidal mentally incompetent a danger to myself. 
Because of the numerous attempts almost triumphs of suicide I was not supposed to be put back into population. Any other psychiatrist would have said; "She's a nut case leave her there give her the best drugs in the house." I talked with this man many times in the past he remembered me he told me he met a man many years before in my depression state of mind. 
All that was wrong with him was a severely broken heart. He said; "He was inspired by God to write an autobiography made a fortune." This would keep me from being suicidal keep my mind and hands busy out of trouble still wanting badly to die should I change my mind? 
I'm comfortable with being sad, suicidal, alone, depressed maybe I want the world to leave me alone let me cry have my pity party by myself. This is the Lord's inspiration His creation as is everything and everyone on this earth. There was a group came in several times a week called "Feelings." 
Women could talk in confidentiality about their life what they have been through what they are feeling now. Many women prior to this group starting promised, wrote and handed me their life stories for this book. I want one thing the sole purpose of this book is to touch one heart one soul only one and believes God is real then EEEHA this book served it's purpose! 
This lady running this group was persistent she kept asking me every day she came in if the book was finished. She went through a lot of trouble to help me get the book published. She had it sold she brought in legal papers for all the women to legally sign their stories over to me when it was finished I would sign it all over to her. 
She let me sit in on the meetings I could continue with women's stories in the group I had been talking with before the group started. I told her it would not be right to exclude me from the meetings considering I knew everything about the women's lives. This would enhance their stories and challenge my writing abilities. 
For the presentation of their life stories it is important sitting in with her. It's self therapy for the women to write about what has happened to them. My story was supposed to go with her so she agreed to let me sit in take notes ask questions also. The problem is my story won't be done until I'm dead or old. 
I didn't think it was right she wanted to sell the book to psychiatrist to pick the women's brains to study the criminal element. I didn't want that for my life or theirs to be picked apart. I started rolling up the chapters disguising them inside paperwork they give us in the classrooms numbering them for reference for two years down the road when I get released. 
When it was enough to get busted with I sent it down to my property so it would be there when I got out. I would not give her the book they won't release my property to anyone unless I signed it out I wouldn't do that for her either. In that cold metal tank I was trying not to fall asleep for fear roaches would crawl into my nose or ears. 
I'm trying to ignore the mother rats with babies hanging onto their tits running around. I was not asleep, but not awake I could see or vision a blue desk in a blue room to the right up some stairs I had never seen before. A desk I would be spending a lot of time at. I had never seen the new Horizon building I didn't know what was there or what to expect. 
They put that huge ugly uniform back on me transported me back to the Whitcomb building. I still had not eaten my heart was hardened black closed all I felt was hurt depression deserted abused by the entire world pain total loneliness. They put me back into population with a bunch of spiritual women yes there are Spiritual men and women even in a place like this. 
I told women the story of how the Duke Boys came in technically called the Orange County S-W-A-T Team or D.E.A. Drug Enforcement Agency. They all thought it was hilarious ole' hairy legged Bob head of D.E.A. brought me in a pair of T-back panties fucking pervert. I think God uses the law judges officers lawyers even criminals. 
He works through humans to accomplish bring about His will. Think about it He said; "I will leave a helper a guide." HE'S a spirit (Holy Spirit) works from within. If you aren't cautious D.E.A. can destroy you make life worse if you deal with them D.E.A. will get everyone nothing matters to them. Being a snitch has too many drawbacks can't go there! 
Some of what they do is not legal binding nor ethical. They lie cheat destroy your home family and life in thousands of ways not knowing they are doing a good thing this time God's will. D.E.A. sat in MY living room busted MY door down crashed busted took apart MY house leaving a shambled mess they destroyed everything. 
I've seen them bust other dealers from a distance in the past it's not pretty. Bob head of D.E.A. gets his rocks off being furious I wouldn't tell the big hairy legged man anything. He kept trying to scare me into working with them. I started opening up to the Holy Spirit instead of Lucifer a lot was revealed like who the people responsible were. 
The hurting pain and anger of how close friends loved ones sent all this evil power down on me not realizing they were doing what God wanted. Obedience with only a mustard seed of Faith, but obeying the calling listening to a message later sent to me from Him to be my personal message forever "Be Still and Wait on the Lord." 
No matter how nasty the conviction and repentance of sins get or the revealing of the evil done to me by me around me is as painful. Repentance it's survival requires Faith small as a mustard seed! Many times thoughts of turning back to Lucifer would be easier. 
When I turned away I was truly alone how could I not talk to someone I had talked to all my life how could I have not known it was Him? My Lord stayed with me no one else did! Amazing this guy called Jesus. When I doubted a message would always be sent through perfect strangers not strangers at all to remember "Be still wait on the Lord." 
He kept me thirsty an unquenchable thirst unfulfilled hunger wanting nothing more than to come back for more. His Spirit was revealing things to me walking me into His gentle arms a walk with the Lord. The very walk I prayed in vein for all these years like pounding your head against a concrete or metal wall not knowing why. 
Everything the head of D.E.A. said was reeling through my mind he was scaring me, but I couldn't budge. He was steady probing me for information while tearing up my life and home in front of my eyes. He wanted me to make deals with him be a snitch saying, "Your going to have some big time dealer awfully mad at you if this was all a front." 
Nope it was all bought and paid for. I would be better off to play stupid pretend to be a drugged out idiot. He kept asking over and over how did you get this much where did this much come from? Why isn't your husband with you now? Why is it so important to not talk? Don't you understand how much trouble your in do you know how much time your going to get? 
It's going to be months before you see a lawyer or public defender months before it hits preliminaries more months before it actually hits the courts months later for the sentencing you'll sit in the county for at least a year waiting to go to prison. Your looking at 4 years per charge. You sure you want to go down alone? Who helped you get this much? 
I sat in a flowered T-back pair of panties thinking yeah, but my daughter will live if I don't talk. Kiss My Ass! Ugly hairy legged ole Bob head of D.E.A...The most powerful public defender of all was going to step in when it counted when it mattered to defend me. I knew I WAS forgiven that day at Calvary on that Cross. Jesus said; "If you believe turn to Him." 
I had never forgiven myself how do I do that? When the Holy Spirit was prayed for true repentance acknowledged my Lord stepped in to battle for me it was an awesome battle to behold and experience! All He does is between Him and I yet will be a tremendous witness. None of the women believed my story of how much drugs there were. 
They didn't take me serious and coming in naked didn't help. Most of them knew me from over the years in this jail and many other county or state systems. They knew I had always been a cook being a dealer was never mentioned not many except the people who bought knew. They were joking around about it which did get me in better spirits for a moment it didn't last.
They moved me to the other side away from a women I became close to I missed Mary I didn't know she along with many others come and go in and out of the system many times during my two year. I believe CO's call jail a revolving door. Mary had full blown aides into the last stages as it is with many women coming in from the streets. 
Bad off in spirit weaker in health than I was we fed off each other's hurt and depression somehow it helped to have someone you could share pain depression with. They separated us I was glad I had not eaten yet I pissed no way to die except to starve or from all the stress. Mary and I created a bond I don't know if she felt the same way. 
I don't know if she knew or is still alive to read our stories find I loved her I wanted her to be in the spirit limbo land with me the here after stuff God promises. I'll never changed her name her and I shared the dream of telling the world He's real. She was always in bad health I never knew her in her healthy days Mary is always close to death's door. 
She found the energy, incentive and courage to make something out of what happened to her turn it to His Glory so she could say, "It could have only been Him." She speaks in jails prisons and schools about what she is going through Aides awareness. I hoped my ulcer was perforated again or collapsed and hoped it would explode again. 
I tried talking with Billy again telling him how much pain I was in hoping he still cared enough to get someone in here to check me out also in hopes to talk to Micky. He was busy partying with Tammy and everyone getting on with their lives destroying my home and daughter to bother with me. I'm sure like women from the past and me they are feeding into each other's addictions. 
I could only imagine what Micky was going through and having to watch. Billy always gets so drunk drugged out he pisses in trash cans sinks on the floor or out the doors he lays around passed out naked. The bathroom not a few steps away. If he hangs out with or moves in these customers neighbors his fuck he's moved in more trouble than he is more than he can handle. 
They will rob him blind. He had a lazy drug infested crack head 17 year old cousin taking care of Micky. Micky was never wanted by him she interfered with drugs drinking and sex so did I. She was a hindrance he always wanted someone else to do his responsibilities. Crissy laid out partying all night slept all day. 
Micky would have to be a big girl now fend and take care of herself. I called and Micky answered the phone. I called and called till Micky finally caught on how to push the three to except mommies' calls. She said; "She kept hitting Crissy on the head everyday she won't wake up." I heard water in the background. Micky said; "She was washing dishes." At two years old? 
This worried me I keep a lot of big chef knifes around. I told Micky mommy was in a hospital getting her head heart soul and mind healed. I told her mommy loves you go hit Crissy in the head with a baseball bat. She said; "Ok mommy I'll try" our time was up. I called again I threatened to send the HRS to check on Micky and investigate. 
Crissy and Tammy were idiots who would do anything including suck a man's dick dry for drugs and alcohol. Billy paid them drugs alcohol and dick to clean the place up get food and wash Micky's clothes. When they came to investigate it was covered up very well. He uses Tammy and Crissy to sell drugs and take care of Micky which none of them were doing. 
He had a lot of drunk crack heads living there this wasn't nothing new. I was worried didn't know what I could do from in jail I was helpless so was Micky. I could not get to my daughter to take care of her rescue her. I called that night again Billy was finally there in a hurry to head out to the bars kept snapping at me trying to get rid of me. 
I hated bars, but had to go this was what everyone wanted to do. I loved playing pool, shooting darts, talking with other people, I was a happy alert fun sensible drunk. Kidding do you know any sensible drunks? I'm not reasoning away making excuses nor upholding driving drunk. I did many times not proud of it at all now I'm thankful there were no accidents. 
Tons of DUI's classes, court cost and lawyer cost, but thank God no accidents. Everyone I knew in the past and present drinks and drives. There are no sensible drunk drivers! Billy always drove drunk scared the pants off anyone he rode with his best friend Don went to prison for 15 years for DUI vehicular homicide. 
I could go on and on with stories of drunk drivers horrible wrecks and the like. I can't tolerate lushes people who get stupid drunk violent drive pass out naked piss in wrong places people that can't handle their alcohol. Why bother if that's what it does to you? I can't stand alcoholics in bars, my home nor anywhere for very long though I was an alcoholic myself. 
He chewed me out for calling and for calling the HRS and judging him, his girlie friends and friends. He put a block on the phone I couldn't call anymore. I heard beer cans popping in the background. When you've been an alcoholic yourself you know the difference between a soda can popping and a beer can popping. That many years into it you don't forget that sound. 
Billy told me to leave him Tammy and Micky alone. He's getting a divorce. I always bought him a vehicle every year with my income tax it was my money that bought the house the lot Ole' Blue not drug money the D.E.A. took it was my hard earned money from work. It was me who almost died giving birth to Micky. 
I paid for everything even his and his girlie friends and friends drugs and drinking. Now he's telling me I get nothing. He said; "Honey except the fact your going to prison for 10-15 years leave us alone." I never got phone calls no money no visitors and no one would bring Micky. I was helping one of the women everyday bandage her foot she couldn't do it. 
She was on heavy psychotropics and pain pills which made her incoherent. She gave me the combination to her locker so I could get her dressing out BINGO an entire bottle just what I wanted. Something kept telling me to hold off don't do it yet. One of the women told an officer I was going to overdose she saw me holding the bottle. Being the liar I was I lied out of it. 
Mary was back it was obvious Aides was taking her soon. I was seeing the doctor for the severe pain in my ulcer for some crazy reason they treated me for pain in my ears and gave me Dimutabs which can destroy an ulcer. I was having so much pain by this time it moved into my back a sharp continuous non stopping pain like a chef knife was being twisted inside of me. 
You can't get help in here unless you have a death certificate nor do they have any way of taking care of or treating something like an ulcer. Many inmates trying to get out this way doesn't help the scenario they are limited to what they can treat. 
They were raising a big stink about the other woman's prescription I showed them my bottle of pills told them this is what she seen me with that ended that. I told her to mind her own business I'm not scared of you or anyone else in here! When the officer left she said; "Your just a damn good liar." I was thinking you don't even know.
I dozed off finally here comes Mary pacing back and forth frantically yelling into my cell to come quick please I have to see you. I jumped down from a very high top bunk and went out. She said; "Let me see your eyes walk with me your wide awake right?" I said; "Yeah well now I am what's wrong what's the emergency calm down." 
She said; "God showed me what you are planning what your going to do promise me swear to me you didn't take the pills?" I said; "No I decided to wait." She said; "Thank God. He gave me a message for you I had a vision He told me it was time to tell you it had to come from me. This would be a good time He prepared your heart to listen." 
She was getting on my nerves, but then Mary said; "You will always remember His message to you. You were going to do it soon I needed to come tell you. God wants me to give you a message you won't understand till later a personal message from scriptures. You will remember this as His calling message for you. Do you promise to except the message trust Him?" 
I thought all this was silly at the time. I said; "Yeah ok get on with it." She said; "He wants you to be still wait on Him can you do that? He will reveal everything to you later." Every time you get that terrible depressed feeling or your Faith weakens think be still wait He'll come to you later now is not His time. 
After being tested out to see I how far I had gone in school what my IQ was as to where to place me the next day we were moved to the Horizon building. Seemed destiny for Mary and me to be friends in the Lord. She kept me from wanting to die I kept her from being depressed she has to die we became each others strength stronghold or lifeline from within thick walls. 
She had no one I had no one not a human anyway. I walked into my room OMG there was that blue desk and the blue room I visioned. I knew when I saw that blue room with the blue desk and I sat down at that desk the feeling was I'll be situated here for awhile I'd been here in a vision. Now was the time to start to writing. 
During orientation we were given a pencil this was what I started with along with a few sheets of paper I got from each classroom. At 44 I could almost feel happiness some future or a hint of hope. Doors were closing, but the Lord's hands were knocking on different doors opening them as I could understand! He knows things are backwards for me in life.
My story will take longer than it should sometimes it does go a little backwards for me. I look back or spell check over and over editing as I go thinking I made some of this up or it was in another lifetime. All this could not have happened, but you know what the latest bumper stickers say? You can't make this shit up! 
No it all happened this is the only place I can tell what I feel the truth of what has happened in my life. If I get prison or county time the Lord was ahead of me, but mentally knowing that would not keep me from freaking out if they give me prison time. With new hopes of someday reuniting with my daughter, Micky. 
She is the borrowed soul God gave me to teach all He is teaching me to guide and love. Through deep sincerity and pain I'm trying to find a reason good enough to want to live. Myself was not good enough. Reading words from a book I would normally thought to be garbage throw away or set aside. I found a way or did He find it for me?
One Step to Christ says, "If there was anyone in your life you unconditionally love concentrate on that person. This would open your heart soul and mind allowing the Holy Spirit to enter if you truly desire it!" Through my love for Micky it would stay open long enough for the Holy Spirit to finish the dirty job of cleansing healing making me whole maybe even like myself. 
I knew He was giving me salvation, a purpose and reason to want to live for HIM. Security in a peace of mind knowing without any doubts if Micky and I were not reunited we would both have salvation then be reunited and have some sort of peace. I had to put aside material things the past everything on earth even Micky for the moment live for Jesus and me. 
Not for Billy nor any other man or human not for Micky or any other children for Jesus and me only! All things and humans are gone I no longer have anything. I've lost everything so many times in life maybe it is God taking everything so I can see only Him. I can't see hear nor feel Him if everything on earth is clouding my heart mind and soul. 
If everything and everyone becomes your God where does that leave HIM? He's a jealous God and says; "Thou shalt have no other God's before ME!" He became reason enough to fight for life regain my health strength and mental stability. I wanted what He promised Eternity. I wanted all those promises HE wrote in that BIBLE my dad preached about. 
There's a lot of them all the way through they are amazing ones which He can keep. Ever had anyone do that keep a promise or be truthful? I'm greedy I want every promise HE made to me in HIS words for all the rest of my life. When at last my heart was open I was amazed astonished in BIG trouble yet that moment I was the happiest soul He was all to me! 
I knew I was forgiven in all when the Father Son and Holy Ghost stepped in to battle for me. I broke through my closed hardened heart mellowed out thought of my love for Micky let the Spirit come in. He also promised to go ahead of me prepare a place. He walks ahead of me fights my battles for me if I put them in His hands I want to test this one out.
It started many years ago as my thoughts then a thought was given to me a plan that had been many times put into action then tossed away. What can men and life to me now reality is what could be the worse that could happen that had not happened? Can't put me in jail or prison I'm sentenced 4 times 15 years in prison. 
Can't shoot me I'm in jail maybe the officers and CO's can. Can't take me to court I'm already going there. Can't steal from me I have nothing. Can't take my kids that's been done too. Can't beat me up I live behind glass metal and CO's. 
They could put me in lock down, but I like it there no rules it's peaceful I can get to know the Lord in peace and quiet still be happy growing closer to HIM reaping all the Blessings HE promised. It would still be many years before I would realize the Blessings HE speaks of and gives are from within.
Such as knowledge, wisdom, intuitions, feelings, speaking in tongues, slaying spirits, preaching effectively pronouncing all those big words in the Old Testament, laying on of hands, visions or dreams and praying. Not everyone can pray I can't I just talk to Him all the time. 
Look towards Him and His Blessings at all times all else will be added yeah He said that too in the big book. He is backing me 100% what I'm saying and doing everything I do from now on will be touched by Him have His Blessings stamp of approval. I won't always go through life saying, "I wished I had more Faith." 
Most think when you acknowledge His presence let Him know you believe Him everything from then on is going to be a Cinderella story or hunky dory NOT! I kiss His loving words the Bible my Spiritual guidance through one day at a time. My Spiritual savior and father. He has to be everything to me I'm rebuking Lucifer from my life and home. Jesus His spirit is here to stay! 
I wasn't into doing much at first I could barely move pain was getting worse it didn't matter to any of the CO's/officers or teachers in the classes I was in this kind of pain. It mattered to most of the other women. It started easing up a little so I took one of the pills I had gotten for my ears. I had to take something to ease the pain. 
I felt it happen when I took the pill the pain got worse it was perforated. I knew then what I knew all along I had a pin hole in my ulcer once again. Dimutabs were irritating it making it worse. There was no substance in my body to soak it up. My ulcer had a number of things happening. I wasn't eating for months on end doing cocaine before I came in. 
Not eating or drinking for months on end after I got here except water my ribs were lying against my stomach. Severe depression stress loneliness the pain of being separated from everyone everything drugs cigarettes alcohol and Micky. Stress of losing everything and abuse throughout life. How many more straws will be piled on my camel's back? 
How many straws can my camel handle? How many times, how many people in life had I been abused by? In-laws, men, relatives, friends, employers, children, family and husbands? How many times in life have I lost everything? Homes, husbands, property, vehicles, children, jobs, money etc...How many children have been taken? Four. How many deaths? Lost count. 
Depression is justified. People do tend to want to hurt themselves be the victim it's nature for humans to like inflicting pain hurt and pity on themselves I earned every tear I cry it was justified. I unlocked the door to my room and went in. We carried the key around our necks. I had a new room-mate! She traded me a bag of Sunflower seeds for cough syrup. 
She wanted some kind of high that cough syrup would do it! I said; "Don't you think getting high now would be pointless?" Just a taste of this place would make you want to quit everything. It never did me before either this time WAS going to be different. She said; "Yeah, but I'm not going to do anything when get out." Why didn't I believe her? 
I told her to stop pacing you will be released at 11:30 P.M. or around that. She was released at 12:30 a.m. I was alone again and happy about that. That bag of sunflower seeds may have been the start of getting me back to eating in health again. All night as I wrote in my book I ate one small handful of seeds. I only had one small pack I rationed myself. 
I was being very conservative making them last so I would have at least a small mouthful while writing in my book during the night every night. I was indigent D.E.A. took everything there was no one to put money in my account so I couldn't get Sunflower seeds or anything. 
All these years writing my book while I spent time in the systems I wrote at night time in the dark breaking all the rules. Cost me my eye sight writing in the dark for so long. Barbie came over from the Whitcomb building she was a great bunky who looked like a Barbie doll. A habitual prostitute crack head.
Don't think when I say crack head about someone it's a bad thing or I'm judging cuz I'm still a pot head. It's not the person it's that nasty ass drug crack. Her husband was a dealer he abandoned her never came to visit leave her money phone calls nor letters. She spent some time on her charges before she needed another 6 months so this is what she thought. 
It was a year and half later she was released. Her lover was here also. During my two years stay she still came and went then went on to prison as did many others. We were not supposed to come out of our rooms during the night or even be up except for using the toilette. 
Barbie popped the button on the door almost every night and went down to the CO's desk complaining about my pain. She was sincerely worried. We all went to these totally useless classes all day sit in hard chairs which I could barely stand the pain of sitting up straight still quiet for so long. 
If we didn't sit up straight keep our feet flat on the floor no talking we would get a DR. That's where you stay locked in your room no phone no visitation no commissary no TV no classes what did I care I didn't get anything. Everyday I would make it half way through the fourth class. 
Mostly all the teachers did was hang out in the Chaplain's office eating drinking coffee come out once in awhile and yell at us. I didn't care what they did to me the pain was so bad I had to lay down curl up in a corner hold a pillow against my stomach to ease the pain more tolerable somehow which this never happened I rarely slept. 
Seclusion after an entire day in those useless classes sitting on hard chairs all day doing nothing was welcomed. I was writing what I could, but the pain was unbearable. Classes consisted of sitting up straight for one hour in each one feet on the floor don't put your head down don't talk. Except the computer class Mrs. Melanie worked hard. 
She was pregnant a real sweetheart good to everyone a Christian I was told. Her only rule was please don't put your shoes or feet on the desk. She showed you what program your on got you in then made rounds helping everyone keep track of where they are. She tried to match everyone with a program they were suited for or could understand. 
She never raised her voice, never gave out negatives or DRs. A beautiful hard working devoted sincere patient Christian woman. Even with the extreme pain I managed to not get negatives or DRs. Well there was this one time after cleaning the entire cell which we had to do every morning and afternoon.
The CO called me back to my room and pulled me out of class after role call started. She wanted me to clean behind the toilette better. I did it make me late for class I got a DR. I was in the class she was just fucking with me. I knew they were going to see to it I got three DRs. After you get one they try harder for you to get the other two. 
I walked up to her desk requested to be sent to lock down. I was going there soon anyway. Another time this same thing happened except instead of letting them set me up for one I walked up to the CO's desk to put a request in to be moved to lock down. They did once again I spend every minute in lock down which was a lot reading different versions of Bibles.
Getting to know who I had been talking with all my life and who it was spending every second of my life with me without becoming obnoxious or abusive. Why would He want me to get to know Him, why would He want me for anything? Barbara, my bunky kept telling the officers every day she's not faking she's in a lot of pain. For months they promised to get me a doctor. 
I put in requests every day cried all the time mostly because of the pain I couldn't eat. My ribs were pinching my stomach. Week after week the pain grew harder crying grew harder the pain getting worse and sharper. I kept praying Lord please let go of me nothing to live for I didn't deserve to live I guess only God could take this mortal shell make that judgement. 
I could feel taste and smell death. I felt He was actually going to give it to me finally let me die without me taking my own salvation in my hands. Barbie was getting mad really worried she went out of the room time and again which was a brave thing to do told the officers my bunky has been up with this pain for months on end. 
I can't take it anymore seeing her in this kind of pain crying. She looks and smells like death. You people have to do something. An officer finally had a heart started raising a big stink to get a doctor to come in. I think she might have actually liked me. She picked on me all the time, but not like other officers. Not in a mean serious way. 
In her on way she was joking around with me smart ass though. She gave me milk to coat my ulcer try to ease the pain nothing helps after it's perforated. Milk was an extremely hard thing to get especially in the middle of the night. This officer was trying to act cruel cold hard nosed, but didn't do such a perfect job at it. 
After a couple of years of getting to know me I could see she was more of a tom boy than me. Tall looked and acted like a man butch. So ugly she was gorgeous. We thought she was gay, but who wasn't in here she fit right in actually. One of the men officers was her boyfriend. She picked on me all the time making me cry worse. She meant nothing it was just her way. 
Most times I was curled in a corner holding a pillow on my stomach trying to ease the pain. One night she came in my room she said; "Guess what tomorrow is? You finally get to see a doctor." It was still months later before I saw one, but I'll never forget her for trying so hard worrying about me so hard yet she pretended she was mean only doing her job. 
She joked every morning about breakfast. She would say, "What are you going there for the milk and banana am I right?" She just shook her head every morning she watched me come down just for a milk fruit and give the rest away. The doc confirmed it was a pin hole in my ulcer this facility was not equipped to take care of this. 
He prescribed me Tylenol and Tagaments which I sold to other women to get shampoos, conditioners, socks, soaps and candy for Micky. Barbie told me if I went to Bible study a lady there would give me an ink pen I could work on my book I went only to get a pen. There were five ladies one played an organ one sang they all preached. 
A real joy these women were, but I couldn't sit up through the entire program. Sue and Valerie were my neighbors they prayed for me every night I didn't know this yet. Every time they came in here they claimed to except the Lord who was I to judge whether they were for real or not? He did not leave the judgement job to me. 
I've always been one who tosses pamphlets or flyers concerning the Lord avoid churches Christians go to Bible class NO WAY! Not me! I don't believe we have to be in a building to worship Jesus/God. I don't believe I have to find Jesus within walls of buildings I don't have to look for Jesus elsewhere. Nor do I feel the need to fellowship or mingle with other people. 
I don't have to go anywhere or inside different buildings looking for Him. He's within me always! People will always be nothing, but another chapter of bad stuff in my life book. I have been meeting these women in jails for many years before now I was getting to know them. Most all of them were spending more time this time like I was. 
This was when I picked up that pamphlet "One Step to Christ." You can bring him into your heart it said; "There is a personal relationship with Him." I read this little book over and over during this stay along with every version of the Bible I could get my hands on. 
Trying to understand looking for some kind of reasoning or explanations trying somehow to find a way out an excuse someone else to blame or share in the blame loneliness and pain. I know what better did I have to do than soul search and read Bibles right? 
Everyone believed in my book they wanted their stories in my book a lot of women started bringing me pens paper and pencils praying I was a good enough writer to do justice to their stories we would all become powerful witnesses. Lord knows some of them rarely saw justice in life. 
At Bible study I met a woman who gives away everything she was bringing dozens of Bibles and pens every week to give to everyone. I fell in love with this woman most good hearted people do. Dozens of women flocked around when she came into the Bible study to beat everyone to the free shit you have to remember we get nothing in jail. 
Anything from the outside world is grand a rock would be grand if it was from the outside world. I stuck around sit by Mrs. Adeline through the studies waited long as I could so I could get a huge from her that's all I wanted. Well I did see to it I got a pen most times. 
She lives near the jail and preaches in the jail and she says, "God led her to her house near the jail told her she was to be in that jail everyday to tell the women of His love." She's one of my best friends now Mrs. Adeline Bryant. I started going to the Bible studies regular to hear her talk. The other women played instruments and sang. 
We all got to join in this was the most enjoyable parts although I never sang I had no talents in this area, but the black ladies can. There are talents in jails and prisons. They sang songs we all knew and could follow along with. I didn't sing I enjoyed listening to everyone else sing. Some women in jails are really good. 
She always made sure I had a pen encouraged me to work on my book. She laid her hands on my book blessed it prayed it would not end up in the wrong hands or I would not throw it away again or worse do nothing with it. Mrs. Adeline prayed for me every time I went to her studies little at a time I was able to sit up for a little longer each time. 
One day at the end of the class she yelled; look Mary has sit through the entire class. She is still my dearest friend talks with my daughter a lot they love each other. She sends Micky Christmas, Easter and birthday presents. Micky kind of expects them almost every holiday. 
She doesn't live an extremely rich life style which you expect from someone who has a high standing in the community. Rubs elbows with Mayors, Chaplains, county, state and jail officials goes to dinner pool parties featuring wine and crackers. She lives in a lifestyle which I am very comfortable going to visit to talk with her. 
She's just the most wonderful woman ever come into my life. She calls me her Mary. She talks to my daughter so much on the occasions I do talk to her she forgets who I am then says; "OH MY Mary I know her she's the one that blows off talking with people on phones." From then on I never left her class early I stayed to the end for her hug no matter how boring it got.
There is something strong fascinating and interesting about the Bible drew me closer and closer to Him kept me wanting to learn about what happened next one day at a time. God healed my ulcer through Mrs. Adeline and all the women praying shut up I can believe what I want. At first when my ulcer was hurting badly I was writing on anything I could find to write on. 
The numbering and sequences of numbers were a mess. I was incoherent in so much pain for so long. You had to follow the numbering carefully. I think I might have went through DT withdrawals for awhile, but kept writing out of Faith. One two then fifty or sixty one or some off the wall number. I was getting better I could sit up all night and write.
At first I started going to the studies with Barbie. She gave me her pen so I could keep writing. I met my neighbors I'll tell you the stories on them in a minute. I started going to the studies with Sue and Valerie they gave me their pens too. If I didn't write I would cry and hurt over Micky, Billy everything that happened. 
Of course I could bring up all the things from the past make the pity party a grand one. I started carrying around that little book called "Steps to Christ" reading it in conjunction with the Bible. The book was a blessing. It was about experiences of others who came to know Jesus and their situations. 
This book tells of how if you are in denial being called by God you can use this book as a supplement to the Bible. It tells you step by step in terms you can understand how to become a Christian without coming off strong as to scare you away. 
Growing up listening and watching my dad preach and their ways of getting to know the Lord or becoming a Christian were brutal, dramatic, scary, too overwhelming. Granted I do believe getting into His spirit I don't think he makes you knock over chairs hot pot belly stoves bump into all the others while jumping dancing in the spirit. 
Or scare all the children shitless into moving to the back seats of the church they have been trampled on before during all this in the spirit close your eyes dance type meetings. I think the spirit can be felt closeness to His spirit can be achieved in a much more civil calmer sane way such as Episcopalian or Catholic services for a few examples.
I have witnessed, experienced and felt His spirit many times over the years. I have witnessed speaking in tongues with the interpretation following it being done by a stranger and slaying of spirits and laying on of hands etc...I could go on about the spiritual events or experiences I've seen, felt and experienced. 
I've experienced fake most of my life and experienced the real thing. I think I can safely speak on both terms without offending anyone or anyone saying, "She doesn't know what she is talking about." Bullshit yes I do. Remember I'm a preacher's daughter? It's a big help when the Lord is guiding from the beginning it's learning to follow someone I have the problem with.
Many have this problem don't we? I carried this little book everywhere It wasn't like we had pressing important things to do except go to these stupid boring classes everyday. Most women have gotten their GEDs and many certificates each time they come here. 
Some have four or five Culinary Art's certificates, wood shop, computers and criminal justice. There are many they offer that ought to tell you something about our tax money. Women and men benefit from getting a GED. I've seen the outside world's degrees and certificates. 
The ones they get in jail, the real world work force knows the difference between jail ones and earned, bought and paid for ones. They don't acknowledge them so I Don't want them in with my resume. I have my own. I Don't know what the real Culinary schools are like I could never afford it I don't think it's 1,001 ways to work with soybean. 
If the teachers did teach anything it was a third to fourth grade subject. Out of hunger building I wanted to read every version of every Bible all the way through a goal and challenge for me. I hate to read I can't retain I'm losing my sight PLUS the writing in Bible's is so small. It says, if your fasting it will bring fruitless results if you aren't reading scriptures. 
And nurturing your soul feed it what the purpose is intended for. I came up with excuses at first not to read the Bible. I gave it away to Monica, another dealer who wanted one. There were two in the room they were impersonal wasn't mine I couldn't read small print I was losing my sight. I was able to see perfect now my vision was deteriorating. 
In one of the classrooms I could not read the book then in another classroom. What the hell is going on with my eyes? One of the student helpers in another classroom another inmate searched through a big box of glasses people left till we found one I could see out of. I had been borrowing Barbie's glasses for awhile. 
That trustee helper went home no one signed the glasses out so I got to keep them. They were old, scratched up bent, but worked for me. First book assigned in one classroom was meant to last for months. Sue and I finished our books in one day. We got an award and our certificate early. I can keep up with you Sue. 
Many of these women are looking for my book to come out to see their stories in print. I started reading "Steps to Christ" on a more personal level I had my own pair of eyes graduated to the Bible. I heard the word of God as a child since dad was a Pentecost preacher I taught children's Sunday school class for five years I still never read the Bible for myself. 
Mrs. Adeline kept praying for me every time I went to her studies she still does. A Christian officer asked Margaret if she would get to know me try to get me to eat. Margaret introduced herself told me about the officer asking her to talk with me. Margaret had been in the systems many years in and out trying to get her relationship with the Lord stronger. 
She was a dealer also. Beautiful with long blonde hair naturally curly. Kept makeup on even under these circumstances. We used coloring pencils for makeup. She went everywhere I went in the system. She was the sweetest lady called me baby girl. If I went to lock down that's where she was or was heading there right behind me. 
Margaret reminded me of my best friend in Kentucky, Vicki. She went to work release for the same period of time came back with me AND went into lock down time and again after returning from work release. I ate with Margaret for many meals giving most of my food away. 
Margaret figured if I could trust her and share with her at meal times maybe I would feel I was sharing with someone. I felt if I didn't know Micky was eating I didn't want to eat. Sharing with her I was able to relate to sharing with Micky. I was very close to Margaret cried when she was finally released. 
I felt alone again I knew I wasn't there were lots more women He wanted me to get to know their stories. My book gave me a reason to be a little bit sociable women loved sharing their stories talking about what happened to them in life. Made them feel someone cared enough to listen to their entire story their side of what happened to them in life. 
It was therapeutic getting them to write their entire life stories. Margaret sent me a picture after she was released sitting somewhere up North in a country setting in a wood swinging seat surrounded by flowers grass and trees. She was scooted over to one side. She wrote on the back of the picture. 
She said; "Mary I will always love you see I left a spot for you there will always be a spot for you in my home and heart." I keep that picture in one of my Bibles I don't know where she is. I ventured out of my room went with Margaret to eat it was like a really sick person less than 70 pounds I couldn't walk very well. I only ate a few bites at a time slowly at first. 
My system could not tolerate nor digest anything yet. It pressured worried me not knowing if Micky was eating. I didn't have my own Bible so Mrs. Adeline gave me a beautiful blue Bible it didn't feel personal. I didn't like it, but was thankful to get it. Another woman sitting across from me fell in love with the brand new blue one I had. 
She said; "I wish I had gotten that one. I'd love it and appreciate it." She had one like my dad carried so we traded. It was small leather cased black with a zipper all the way around it. I loved this Bible still have it. Maybe I was being picking AND maybe God gave me one because of the way I felt about my dad's preaching Bible who knows. 
That's all I want to remember from dad the words he preached. I try to block out the bad things that happened he did won't make the memories of it all go away nor does it ever make what they did go away nor corrected. I felt like God was asking me well what is your excuse now? Your not hurting as bad you have glasses a beautiful Bible and a soul to feed it to. 
Barbie moved out of my room in with her lover. Her lover tried to commit suicide a number of times Barbie felt she needed to be with her. I had not personally met Valerie and Sue my neighbors who had been praying for me through the vents at this point they had only been voices. I listened to both of these women in a lot of different classrooms. 
We all lived on opposite sides of the rail road tracks on the outside world. Hilarious many years down the road I'm revising my story because JeffKnowsStuff said; "It was poorly written." Kiss My Ass! Want me to spell that? I'm doing it in a hotel on OBT their side of the railroad tracks wish I could run into them. They were both highly intelligent women. 
It was strange putting the voices with the faces. Sue had several degrees in criminal justice a couple of Culinary Art degrees a few that were not obtained in here. I don't take much stock in the word friends they wanted my friendship approached me first. We all became close friends they were street wise dealers prostitutes and rock cocaine took it's roll as usual.
Margaret, Valerie and Sue think they know why I won't eat she's used to sharing with her daughter. They all started sitting with me sharing with someone came automatic for me. They wasn't pushy greedy nasty or mean a ton of fun made sharing easy. They all had appetites like men or horses this is how coming off rock effects you. You want to eat and eat, eat a lot! 
Everyone else was pushy gross greedy nasty mean vultures who would start a riot over food. We stuck together they were protecting their meal ticket. Like me they wanted to have fun, but had to be very careful about having it where we were. We all ended up working on the food cart together what a trip that was. 
We did have a blast working together plus we usually had a cool officer working on our side that didn't yell at us gave us a couple extra privileges for our work. We had a blast almost got in trouble so many times sometimes we did got out of it quickly remember were not in here for being stupid we are criminals.
I avoided other women the fights it would cause if they knew I ate very little. I had been through that before in other county jails. I almost started an outright riot in Bradenton. I was tired of them fighting over my plate. I held the plate high in the air dropped it dumped it all over them all and walked off.
I was respected by most everyone unlike the outside world where your judged by how much you get paid what kind of job you have clothes what your profession is how much material belongings you have what kind of house you live in or what kind of vehicle you drive. No in here the most and more severe charges more respect by the other inmates you would be. 
We started sharing and trading everything trying to help each other any time we could. They wouldn't get mad if there was something on my plate I wanted to eat. They were my escape from vultures I called them. Well what else did we all have? 
They were also trying to get to know the Lord though they tried to act like they were farther than anyone else with the Lord knew more about the Lord how to be a Christian. I don't think the Lord has a rank watcha think? They acted like they were pros at this I knew better why bust their bubble. We just showed the Spirit communicated with him in many different ways.
They wasn't any further than I was. Looking out my window Valerie was hanging over the rail she said; "Come out." Who me come out? Well okay. I never came out of my room before I met my neighbors. I thought oh no what could she possibly want with me. She told me what I did and said in the classroom was so sweet. 
Some pretty girls thought they were miss popularity were telling Valerie in a very rude mean nasty way to quit smacking her mouth she sounded gross. I was thinking you girls are acting more gross than she sounds. They were going for an insulting match. I was listening weighing out everything writing a big sign at the same time. I got in front of the class held the sign for all to see. 
It said; "Valerie you are too intelligent to go there with them." She said; "Your right." She said; "Your the one in so much pain my bunky and I have been praying for you everyday and night." I asked who her bunky was she said; "Sue." I said; "Wow that's my chow buddy." She asked me why I stay in my room all the time. 
I told her because of the book and with what I've been through in life I neither like nor trust people just want to be alone. She said; "I don't either this is reality for me." She asked if I could write good. I said; "No, but it's something to do keeps my hands and mind occupied I believe the Holy Spirit must be guiding my thoughts.  
Sometimes I actually think He's doing some of the thinking for me." I'm a professional cook not a writer I hate being a cook I have read been told Jesus knows your heart's desires better than you. In the scriptures it says, "If you truly turn to Him He will give you your heart's desires." That's a huge dream to become a writer an author of a book. 
I won't ever have that kind of money they want to publish something I worked on most of my life. One of our teachers who is a Christian has a husband who has a church and preaches said; "Do something in life so amazing only Jesus could have helped." It keeps my mind off things keeps me out of trouble like everyone I've got a story to tell.
She asked what I would write about once my autobiography is done. I said; "Maybe a biography on the women in here" that opened doors. I know a lot of people have come and gone through the systems have written self help books. Stories of women in jails and prisons some tend to judge for this. 
I say, "We've all been hurt or we have hurt someone and want to tell our stories." I obtained a few more pencils, pens, paper and the idea was off and running not knowing what I was doing once again writing this book. I prayed put my hands on my new Bible for the first time. It's not like I knew what I was doing I prayed doors were opened once again. 
I asked the Lord if he would come into the life of someone like me give me guidance knowledge if this is your work let your will and mine become one. You promised Wisdom knowledge and the such so I'm calling you on these promises and a whole bunch more I saw in there looked pretty good too. Valerie was telling me a little about her self little at a time. 
When I ate with Sue and Margaret they told a little at a time about themselves. God guiding us I was building a friendship with most women in here. Mary gave me her story after shrugging me off forever pretending not to want to give me her story, but when she saw the lady running the feelings groups wanted to sponsor my book she wanted to be involved.
We talked in the afternoons on what we called the three way phone which were registers that went into every women's cell. Six women could talk communicate at one time. This was how I heard their prayers for me.
I was never going to meals or Bible study alone anymore. 
I started reading the Bible daily determined to have every version read like a hunger or severe case of curiosity I wanted to follow the scriptures. I could understand them more now my appetite for the word and food were both becoming normal. 
I wasn't only hungry and thirsty for food it was also for knowledge understanding wanting to know all I could about Jesus what was happening to me. If I could get close to Jesus I would in no aspect hurt anymore or as bad. I always have been able to pronounce every name and word in the scriptures.
When I was a kid I made it a point to learn how to pronounce all those words I was listening to my dad preach. I thought it was amazing how dad could scream yell dance hold his ears grunt sing never mispronounce one word of the Bible. When I started reading them all the words my dad preached were coming to life to mind and made more sense. 
From listening to him preach for so many years I could remember how to pronounce all those big words names and towns. Weird huh? I made real friends in here not friends out to use each other snitch on each other steal from each other or carry knives for the back. They too truly wanted to be friends not customers. 
None of us had anything to gain get or steal from each other. We all had the same things in here so there were no hidden thoughts of getting over on each other or what can I get out of you what can I take from you what do I get out of this. 
I kept my distance leery most people on the outside if they can't use you for money sex drugs material things they will use your feelings take away your security dignity sanity self esteem goals dreams or egos. If they can't take from you physically they will take from within. On the outside there was never anyone who cared. 
Here I sit no one has been to check on me written dropped off money brought Micky to see me no one would let me call to talk to her. Cynthia is my new bunky she moved into not only my room, but everyone's hearts a Christian believer. These women have horrifying stories. How is it all of us has nightmares of stories, most would turn against God blame it all on Him. 
Our stories have turned us closer towards God. He gave us a reason a real purpose for living continuing on hurt after hurt we helped each other. What one didn't have the other one does. Between us we came up with everything each other needed. Sue had money she bought me Sunflower seeds. 
I had Tylenols, Tagaments, envelopes, stamps, toothpaste, soaps, shampoos and conditioners. Cynthia had shampoos and conditioners. Valerie had socks and T-shirts. We washed our clothing in the toilets. Well did you think we had washing machines or what? 
They didn't have any facilities to wash our private clothing yet they would let us hang them over our beds or on bars when we were sleeping. When they woke us in the mornings even if they were still wet we had to put them back on. Valerie was the prettiest black woman. They all made sure I had paper pens and pencils. 
I learned how to read the Bible and understand through a constantly growing class in Bible studies we were learning together with no shame nor embarrassment. We were growing at each ones own level of understanding with the Lord guiding us. I still stayed pretty much confined to my room. 
All this time I've been fighting my own battle with denial, Lucifer and plain ole' cleansing of the heart and soul. Some if it got scary a lot of it hurt. I hurt, I know these women hurt and could write it on paper what happened to them, their life and how they came to be believers. 
Writing it down would serve as a self counseling, therapy as it did for me a tremendous witness. A lot more has been revealed to me through the growth of the Holy Spirit with the guidance of Jesus giving us all knowledge and Wisdom. This will help others believe and help them feel they are not alone in their misery in this painfully tragic world. 
It's not all that hard to be with Jesus I don't think He wants it to be hard scare people away like my dad and a lot of what I call serious Bible thumpers want you to believe. Jesus didn't hang out with winners or rich people He hung out with sinners losers thieves and prostitutes. Oh and fishermen. 
He didn't tell them they had to give up EVERYTHING to believe no He did not! Just to believe follow go by His rules and commandments which really are not hard. I know a lot of stubborn people out there are arguing the point you have to give up everything in life. Suddenly I'm to not to curse, not wear revealing or sexy things, don't watch this on TV don't watch that? 
And don't smoke cigarettes, don't drink coffee, don't do this, don't do that? Get realistic. Kiss My Ass! He said; "Come unto me believe in me you shall have everlasting life eternity." He did not say, "Put all that stuff down first then come to me." No He said; "Come as you are." Maybe fish nets don't count. 
I still often wander about the thing HE said; "He created us in HIS likeness" if this was so why did he put us in shells that die, deteriorate, get old, diseased, crippled, our teeth rot out etc...We constantly battle with taking care of our hair teeth bones blood ulcers diabetes eyes heart etc...why in shells we don't like? 
If we were created in HIS image shouldn't we be perfect? Just kidding I don't have the answers anymore than you do. I do feel this is why he put His son here on earth so that we would know Jesus was a human His body went through human pains imperfections not to be funny hanging him on that cross took care of all that! Holy shit was ISIS the same people? 
We got into saying, "Grace" before meals no matter what others thought or officers. A little much for me, but I went along with them. I do tell Him thank you for everything always have I don't have to publicly show Him off. My actions thoughts and deeds should show Him. 
This made us late getting done a few times and it wasn't like this would be a habit we carried to the outside world with us. The purpose we felt was to tell Him we love Him no matter where the food came from we appreciate it. We were thankful to be getting food though I knew this was one more thing my taxes have been paying for. 
So couldn't I get like a steak, pizza or something instead of thousands of different soybean dishes or patties? As far as I was concerned He provided everything that was needed doing an excellent job providing a soy bean party everyday. I've been abandoned by the world, but the world no longer mattered. 
I've ended up with the greatest gift to man Salvation Eternity oh yeah he forgave me too! I had to first learn get it in my head I was doing this for me foremost before I could share with anyone else. Cynthia left went back to prison. She's an aerobics instructor and works in the library in the Gadson prison. 
She was here taking care of old charges on a man who raped her a few years back. She originally came here a few years before to help her sister get her children away from her father who raped them when they were children. He took her sister's children. They had another sister at home he raped also. 
She felt so bad about all that happened when they were all young so she purposely gained three hundred pounds would not come out of her father's house. She did not want anyone else to see her, but him. Cynthia's sister died when she was on her way to get her children. Another women was driving. A semi hit them head on. 
The car was thrown over into a big swamp later they were found. The woman lived was charged with vehicle homicide, but Cynthia's sister died. Cynthia had a similar accident and got 15 years for vehicular homicide. When she left she wrote to me enclosing a pen and some paper telling me to never give up on writing. Everyone was happy to see me at least get some mail.
Everyone wrote to her putting their letters into my envelope because she was my bunky. Two other neighbors came with Cynthia to take care of charges then go back to Gadson Prison with Cynthia. For a long time she continued sending a manilla envelope full of paper so I could continue writing. She's much happier in prison. Prison time is better easier time than county time.
County time is the hardest time to do. She's spending 15 years day to day. She's probably going to still be in there by the time I get out and way longer. On into the computer age of technology. I kept her up on things here telling her how everyone was happier with the Holy Spirit in our lives. Valerie and Sue are always happy people. 
Valerie leaves soon on time spent she left me her story along with many other stories women left for me. Sue will be leaving when she hears from a public defender on time spent. For me these are very serious charges it's been a long time going to be longer. Officers say, "My charges are one step down from murder" I wear an orange band. 
The only band more serious than mine is red murder charges. I'm the only one in all the women's cells with an orange band. They don't normally go this hard on first drug charges the head of D.E.A. thought if he made this really rough on me the pressure would make me want to break work with them. The head of D.E.A. said; "He would do this to me if I didn't work with him." 
Oh well Kiss My Ass! I have the worst charges of any women in here four counts possession, four counts trafficking, four count sales and distribution and four counts paraphernalia my bond is $95,000.00 cash only. The only charges worse are murder and attempt of murder. I wear a non changeable no reclassification ever orange band. 
It's a shame it came to this and took this for me to see or understand what God wanted and see who my friends family and husband were not. He definitely accomplished a big wake up call. This does not mean I will be able to judge my friends or lovers any better in the future than I did in the past. 
At this point if I go home I would either get hurt by Billy, the dealers, drunk room-mates or customers. I would also have to tolerate his girlie friends whoever they would be for the moment. My defense is the Lord is mightier than man or judge. The public defender came a few days ago to see me. 
I walked into the visiting room with him never left the Holy Spirit behind I asked Him to escort me in. I think He went in ahead of me! I didn't believe this till some time later. The public defender seemed to be a good man at first thought I could trust him. I truly believe the Holy Spirit was surrounding us both no matter the outcome. 
First he used the most you could get scare tactics. He said; "12 years prison he would try for 4, but doubted it." If that's the Lord's will if not it won't happen steady asking Him to not leave my presence. I walked out he got busy quick with someone else. He left his other client or the other inmate he was talking with called me back in. 
He said; "She's my client no you can not talk to her." I was asked to step back out I already saw who it was. It was Terry's so called cousins the two D.E.A. agents I sold to the two D.E.A. agents that sat in my house weighing my drugs with my triple beams counting my money. That was why Terry got to walk right off with my daughter.
Few minutes later the attorney called me back in. He was a gorgeous young blonde attorney. In a mild, but angry voice he said; "Please you have to be truthful. That was the D.E.A.." I said; "I know I saw them." He said; "Please tell me you are not working with them that you did not call them you did not set up any deals with them." 
I said; "God is my witness I only come out of my room for meals showers and Bible studies I don't get calls don't make calls no mail in no mail out no money no visitors no nothing no kidding." D.E.A. doesn't except calls from within if they did I never leave my room I did not call them. He said; "I believe you." 
I told him I would be scared if I lie to you not only will God drop another hammer on me you won't help me. Turns out none of them will help you not the public defender nor the D.E.A. I knew who called them. I talked with one of the CO's she said; she would call them see if they wanted to work with me this was why they were there. 
They wanted to set me back up in business be a snitch I couldn't do it. He said; "He would try to get the 12 years lowered then try for time spent and probation." I knew both of these were impossible promises or out right lies. No promises mattered once the prosecuting attorney state's attorney brings up charges from the past they will be used against me. 
Once it's said it's in the judge's mind. I had forgotten about the six charges a lady officer in Titusville did to me. I know her full name, but won't say, "It was Theresa Cysmadia." I was trying to get back and forth to work. She stopped me every day for three days coming and going to work with a different vehicle no license wrong tags no ins. etc...
I cash bonded out each time Billy would not stop drinking long enough to help me. Charges from the past were brought up I was still paying on the charges Billy and Sherry put on me $3,900.00 more I still owed. I had to get them paid off before I could try for a license. The judge ordered me to get them taken care of for the third appearance before him. 
He said; "Try to get a license before the next court date or I would go to prison again for 4X15 years." I had to work two jobs as many shift as I could to get this paid. I did manage to get a license. I went down to the license place held my breath long and hard. I don't know how, but I did get license where as I should never see daylight over all that. 
Now my prison points has to be way up there. I knew these were empty promises public defenders lie their asses off too. The D.E.A. told him I called them trying to make a deal. He said; since the D.E.A. out right lied to him he now had something to deal with, but he didn't. He said; "They told him a lot of lie's." So does he. 
He told me Billy, Murial, Little Murial, Franky, Terry even Tammy signed depositions against me and turned states evidence against me first once someone turns states you can't turn state on them. My court date was not until December. I had Faith somehow the Holy Spirit would be there to help in some way. I just don't see or know how.
I couldn't find myself asking for material things at this point being considered a babe in Christ I didn't understand quite yet material things were not the blessings we were supposed to be looking for. I know he's backing me. I had not walked with Him long enough yet to know how to live or let HIM lead nor how to listen to HIM follow HIM. 
Or should I say, "He's driving ahead of me?" I know there is a stronger power than man looking out for me. If I stay here or go to prison I know He has a reason or a purpose. I know He will never leave me. Though I have nothing I have everything I'm forgiven. 
I think with the scriptures imbedded when Lucifer showed his ugly face reared his ugly head he was ready to do battle win a soul that was never is never will never be his. There is no room in this Temple anymore for his presence. AMEN & AMEN! Now I do wait on the Lord. 
I'll tell Micky mommy was getting her heart and soul cleansed forgiven wiser healed she's getting in return a sober drug free Christian mommy! Praise belongs to my Lord. I know in the future when she grows older she will remember and through tales and rumors she will find out the truth of what happened back then to her mommy. That her dad is a piece of shit snitch. 
For now while she's little this is the best way to put it to her. I was terribly sick they had to take her mommy away to get healed. The evil still has to be removed ahead of me in my house hold. I'm praying on that one too! Odds of children going down the wrong roads making wrong decisions are extremely high. 
Most all humans have gone down wrong roads making wrong decisions it's part of life. Why would we expect anything different or better for any generation? No matter how hard you protect your children no matter what you would like to see them become it may not happen. Streets drugs alcohol cigarettes and men are Lucifer's playground of temptations. 
He's good and WILL take your loved ones. Things of the world and Lucifer don't care what age what status you have in life or in the community what religion how rich or poor how over protective you are or permissive Lucifer does not care who he takes under with him. 
I always thought Micky was very spiritual and will always say, "No to drugs, alcohol, men, cigarettes and sex." Just keep reading my story you'll see how cold hearted Lucifer is at taking your loved ones turn a mother's love to hate and disgust. Another question which is on my mind is why are men born with anger, an abusive nature and control issues? 
They will say, "I love you in a minute," but most everything out their mouths are lies, lies and more lies. They are heartless, cold, whore mongers, drunks, drug addicts, liars and thieves etc...I apologize to those men out there who are good and faithful men. Sleaze balls out number you 100 to 1 I've only met a couple of them. 
A relationship with Jesus is for you me or whoever it's personal. For me I have to be still and wait on the Lord I'm getting good at this. I can only be a living example and witness it's up to each individual human your salvation is in your hands. I can't make Micky go down the better paths or make right decisions. 
I wanted to show her tell her what I know about God, Jesus the Holy Spirit. I did plant the seed how she nurtures it is on her. In my heart and mind I've had to give Micky up let this be for Him and I alone for now. Later in life I know I'll see this once or twice again when Lucifer will take her from me I'll have to look towards Jesus again and again. 
Maybe it is His way of reminding us it's personal. No one can walk this walk, but me no one can walk your walk, but you. Everything I have is her's although at this point I have nothing still everything I do is for her, but my walk with Him is mine my salvation is mine her's is her's. This is one thing I can't do for her. 
I didn't come to these conclusions till Lucifer brutally boldly without my knowledge was taking her away from me several years on down the road once again. When you least expect it Lucifer takes someone even the only someone you have in life. A group of women came over from the Whitcomb building. One woman looked so humble full of the Lord. 
She looked like she would be a peaceful room-mate. I told Sue I want her for a room-mate that's my new bunky! She looks like a Christian Soldier. Of course you don't get to pick who rooms with you, but she was assigned to my room. I pushed the button to the door for her as if to welcome her to this room. The blue room with the blue desk. 
I was right she was the most humble person I have ever met. Right off the bat our first conversation was based on whether or not we have Bible studies. From then on piece of cake. When the Holy Spirit works His strange ways and I leave here even if it's in the middle of the night to go outside to work for Him with Micky at my side scamming and selling.
But this time it's the highest of all highs, the Holy Spirit. The real battle will have just begun. A whole new never ending story until the gate is opened wide and Christian Soldiers can see the Light. Their battle was won at Calvary they had an unfair fight and have come to claim victory over their souls where Lucifer has no rights! 
These women are soldiers of the Cross and they should get what is rightfully theirs. They fought a tear filled fight. I pray they lay the past to rest and can see that bright light leaving painful tears behind bringing only happy tear filled cleansed souls. 
They have won ETERNITY. Big example of how the Holy Spirit works. This room-mate had her life story written it was being sent to the judge. Turns out she didn't need it gave it to me. The lady heading up this "Feelings" group allowed me to sit in on meetings. 
A lot of the women I was already writing their stories working with them there was nothing I didn't already know and had not shared with them. She knew about this book and a lot of women had given me their stories. She knew my purpose for this book her purpose was different. They were studying the women where and how of the criminal element. 
I missed the opportunity to get it published and promoted. She had publishers and psychiatrist that already had plans for the book. Over and over she would tell me they were waiting for the book to be through. She had big people in big places wanting it. 
They were going to use my book, these women's stories and mine to study the women where and how the criminal element came about. She brought legal forms for the women to sign their rights over to me to be able to write their stories use their legal names. When the book was finished I was to then hand it over to her sign rights over to her. 
There were a lot of people not just her who kept trying to get this book for the wrong reasons! It was not God's time. Wheels churned in my head how would I get more materials I needed like pens and paper indigents aren't allowed to have anything, but soap toothpaste and an extra uniform in our locker. Every day that lady asked for the book. 
I believe this is the Lord's work and inspiration the materials will come my way. I wanted my life on paper there had been so much happened over the years plus it would keep my hands and mind occupied. Every time the feelings lady, teachers and other inmates brought me pencils, pens and paper the CO's take it all from me. 
It was very hard to hold onto materials and keep the book hid too. This would be a long road I've got a lot of time in here it will be hard to keep it hidden hard to keep out of the wrong hands and hard to keep it from being taken away or confiscated. If this book makes it out of this jail it will be of the Holy Spirit's doings. 
I started rolling up each chapter when it was through inside magazines sending it all down to my property so it would be there when I got out. I knew it would be hard to put back together once I got out it would all be such a mess. Just getting it all down there to property by the end of my stay would be a real challenge. 
What if they lose or throw away one two three or even more of my chapters? I would have to start all over again. These next pages are dedicated to these women ALL women in jails and prisons going through or who have gone through incest rapes drugs bondage alcoholism deaths violence bad or abusive marriages or relationships loss of family and children. 
I have been through all of this who says I won't go through more I haven't died yet. I pray you find what we have found which is peace love security the way the Lord provides for needs. Many of these stories came from my bunkies, women here or were here or gone on to prisons, women in the feelings group who wanted to share with other women. 
These are the soldiers of the Cross. I have passed up many opportunities of getting this book published now it will cost to get it published nothing is free in this material world of ours. I have seen many weird things happen with this book I have Faith that it is all HIS timing. I truly believe when the time is right He will work some of His strange works. 
Many times HE has supplied the materials I needed the means to do it the money time patience imagination determination and knowledge. Men have wasted most all of that I have let them. I think that many times over HE will give me the resources to finish this I will fuck up miss out many times before I finally get it right. 
Many of these women have been coming and going in the systems for years, so have I. Some young some my age some old. I have met them many times over many years never gotten to know them. It's strange we have met come together at the same time same place trying to get our lives right with God. 
There are a few other reasons we are all here we don't want to talk about it right? Right! It couldn't possibly be we are here because we are criminals could it? Well kiss my ass. They have accepted Christ and want to do this walk right talk right thing with Him. 
I don't know if when all is said and done we no longer have contact with each other whether they keep hold of Him continue their relationship with Jesus. If not what a priceless loss. For now they intend to not let go. Most know they may never get another chance before Lucifer destroys them in one way or another. At this point they are with Him and don't want to let go. 
Like me they have come a long way in life a rough sad and violent life. I find it the most wonderful thing they are here at this time all of us together willing to share their stories with the world to show and tell all is not lost. If we can survive what we have been through you have no excuse to continue your pity party!
We want to stress how real Jesus is the battle will never be over with Lucifer's evil demonic spirits and imps not in this life. It can be easier with Jesus inside outside all around you. Satan makes it all look and feel so glamorous lustful tasteful and a hell of a lot of fun it was, but I am getting old time to cool it. 
The good feelings of drugs and alcohol are only temporary solutions and illusions drains your purse causes you to do wild and crazy shit like waking up to someone fucking you yet you have no clue where you met him at. Notice I didn't include sex in that? I haven't totally given up that there isn't someone out there who is right for me. 
I'm revising my story at the moment I'm 60 so that idea of someone being out there for me didn't work out I'm so happy it didn't I'm alone YAH. It's easier to be with Lucifer let's go over Lucifer's expenses what have we really paid total not counting the money and material stuff? A very high price in many ways what's left? 
In the beginning it's hard giving it all up to have this walk with the Lord. It's gotta be much easier than keeping up with getting alcohol, drugs even sex or trying to catch the stores or liquor stores before they close and quit selling or that last drink before the bartender calls last call or run a drug deal down finding it's dry or the price goes up or you get ripped off. 
What are the results before and after? And the hassle of keeping up with the money for it all AND when are what we keep calling friends all my life going to pay for anything? Why can't I get a husband or boyfriend who will want a little more rather than drain me or beat on me scam or rob me blind or steal my kids? Or worse keep turning me into the law. 
No what was worse was Billy and Sherry making up 9 felonies which I spent 4 years total on just them charges alone. I didn't mention what they cost money wise. Cost of alcohol are the headaches stomach aches hangovers liver or kidney damage ulcers black outs DTs etc...
Waking up with stranger's dicks in you or being raped the only difference being the consent be it sober or drunk. Women in prisons and jails these are the soldiers of the Cross this has been the year of the Lord's favor the great biggest reunion of soldier's. 
Incest is a familiar word in this world from Genesis to Revelation from Alaska to Hawaii from Washington to Florida from the year 1 to whenever? It's been here it's going to stay. Nothing can change that nor adultery, perversion, pedophiles, sales and delivery, users, violent crimes, gangs and wars, abuse in ANY form. 
I was common and no surprise when our mother's and their mother's and most females giving birth. Children having children in the Appalachian mountains. It's common. Valerie was one of the majority of women I am calling a reunion of soldier's of the Cross well and the fight against evil. Sounds like were all wanting to be super heroes and conquer something huh? 
How about conquering the stuff in life that is conquering us? A big majority of women who for many years have frequented the county correction facilities jails and prisons with their different stories and strongholds were chosen. We WERE dealers users prostitutes addicts violent crime offenders victims of violent crimes habitual crime offenders in one way or another.
Valerie like all of us has a sad story realizing there are much worse stories in each of our minds the hurt and pain in our eyes and hearts feel just as bad. She is healing inside by one of the most powerful healers known to beast or mankind the healing power of God. Her mother was married at 17 gave birth to her at 16. 
Her mother was not unlike most women back then like my mother and grandma who had babies back to back. Most all of my aunts and uncles are one to two years older or younger than me. She got pregnant in their home in North Carolina then traveled to Florida with each child back and forth. A strong woman to travel that distance with each pregnancy.
Strong as those who have had them alone in their homes such as my mother did a few times with no one to help. While dad ran the streets of Winchester, KY. doing drugs and being a local alcoholic. Hmm where did I get that from? Oh yeah it's when history repeats itself or you step into your dad's shoes over and over. 
He was well known in his younger days as the Winchester drunk or alcoholic and drug addict. I guess we call them panhandlers these days. My younger days I was well known as the Winchester drunk or alcoholic and drug addict. I didn't take from anyone I didn't bum I didn't steal and didn't take anything that was offered to me or I didn't earn. 
I had a phase where it was the cool thing to rip off stores. I never got caught a few times my friends got caught I went down with them. They left me in jail bleeding one time pregnant with Shawn Lee. Most times they bond out get my sugar daddy to give them money to bond me out, but they don't they keep the money. 
I outgrew all that when I actually met Jesus learned there was a right and wrong no in between no middle. Dad became a preacher and shot his head off I became the preacher's daughter who is going to keep my head stay out of my dad's shoes and shadow. 
Valerie, Sue and Margaret were major inspirations in writing this sorted mess of events which is going to touch you hopefully give you the warm secure feeling with the Holy Spirit you can make it through whatever your going through there hasn't been anyone that hasn't either been where you have been or have been in worse places situations than you have been. 
A change in at least one soul not a miracle which is usually what does happen when you work for the Lord many have heard yet few hear. Valerie's Faith is so strong she can carry the weight of others weak in Faith. Her ability to psychologically analyze situations is astonishing. She kept my Faith going with this book. 
She kept assuring me one day she would run into my book and know. When I wasn't sure of things I looked towards Valerie I'm back where I need to be in His loving hands. Through the nights I was in pain with my ulcer and my back all the officers tell me is go to sleep quit complaining shut up the nurse will be here soon, but never show up. 
Four or five weeks it took to get a doctor. Valerie, Sue and Margaret kept praying nothing prescribed would help. Through Valerie's, Sue's, Margaret's, Claudia's a few officers and Mrs. Adeline's prayers Jesus through the Holy Spirit healed it. Valerie, Sue, Margaret and Claudia helped get materials needed to continue writing. 
Everyone has a sad story we helped each other in a dozen different ways fed into each other's spiritual mental and physical needs especially mine. I'm adding in some things Valerie made up with God's inspiration and help His will in mind and her prayers for this to be published. They are much like psychological poems or parables. 
This is what she wanted to be with her story. One in particular gives way for an introductory to what kind of miracles was taking place here in jail on 33 rd Street, Orlando, Florida. Valerie like most had an abusive, violent and tragic life. 
I have written and rewritten this book many times reliving, remembering each one of these women, their stories, what they looked liked when they first came in and what they looked like when they left. Abusive fathers brothers uncles and cousins street life babies drugs and alcohol. 
I vowed to my Lord who we have that true unconditional love with I would not forget these women I would write what they have given me. If I keep working on this book, reading it and thinking of them I won't forget them. When the book is finished and I have a Cinderella type ending I will have this book to remind me of them always. 
If nothing else this book serves just that purpose a reminder to never forget those women. Never forget any women in jails and prisons. Most of them are awesome people. Valerie had problems in the past making serious bad judgements on who her friends were. We've all done that it's called being human. Wrong judgements aren't confined to just one wrong decision. 
Valerie wrote this poem or parable concerning how she perceives the subject friend.
*FRIEND; To have a friend in need is to have a friend indeed.  
We don't base friendship on life's critical circumstances things
happen for their own reasons of God. If I feel hurt about
something a friend does and feel that friend hated me it could
have been to life circumstances of not my understanding. If I know
the person I know it is not neutral or merited that's my friend in
need indeed still there for to have a friend. Take understanding of
yourself then you can understand someone else.
-Valerie-
*Most women in jail or prison are from all walks of life business streets housewives mothers cooks etc....Drugs alcohol and the system are not prejudice as to who it drags in. Most jails are frequented by women who know each other. Some took care of each other on the streets then in here. 
Society would have us believe we are all from the streets uncorrectable criminals and we're all animals which need to stay locked up. Most of them were on the streets with nothing, but their own street knowledge ways trust me when I say, "Your not dumb if you survive the streets." 
It's a wonderful world when you can see through drugged up situations through drugged up eyes they still take care of each other. Some do use each other, but are still there for each other when it counts. I've seen a lot of this. I've seen them pick each other up out of the middle of highways drugged out of their minds help them then rip them off. 
Valerie was no exception to the good people rule she would be there for anyone. She knows a lot of people she's street wise enough to know which way to turn her back more so now than ever before. 95% of women who come through here at this point and time either has opened the door to Christ from inside or rededicated their lives to Him. He alone knows who is for real.
Valerie's heart shines she's a pretty neat lady! Valerie came to me through the Faith love and Mercy of Christ Jesus not because she wanted something or was using street tactics nor wanted to scam me. I have nothing material for any of them to want. They have more than I have at this time.
She did everything for me knowing there was absolutely nothing for her to gain by praying for me and helping me like that. I've been fooled scammed robbed and taken advantage of by the best. I was a great scammer myself, but these women use every street tactic tools of the trade not even I catch.
Valerie came to me with prayers that already have been going up for awhile without ever bragging or asking for anything in return. She heard me through the register or our three way as we called it in pain literally dying if someone had not reached out took the chance to make an effort to restore my Faith in someone in myself. 
Somewhere deep inside I wanted to live, but where is it? How far down I can't find it. I wanted to be left alone and just let it happen. This was not how Valerie wanted it to end! This was not how God wanted it to end! Valerie I'll never forget you girl! If it had not been for all the women I met in county jail I would have had a long boring uneventful fruitless sad and lonely stay.
Don't worry about societies snobs or what they think of women in jails and prisons thousands of women and men need each other to help each other get through. If it had not been for what the women that frequent jails and prisons knew about the system how to survive in it I might not have made it this time.
Many thanks to all jail birds, prison mates and bunkies our street and system knowledge helps a lot of us not so street system wise people. There was so much pain physically and emotionally plus fasting for months and the grief of once again after many times losing everyone and everything. 
My children homes vehicles money drugs and my jobs not having anyone on the outside caring what happens having nothing, but water did I leave anything out Oh yeah death approaching and welcoming it. Valerie had her own pains and problems yet she worried felt mine. 
My neighbors and bunkies were praying for someone they didn't know never met, but knew there was terrible pain. Me and many others carry scarred guilt of all souls in jails and prisons from the past present I'm sure future. Here I sit in the midst of it all again afraid to be amongst the pain suffering within these walls these souls. 
Evil was there strong evident if the Spirit didn't start moving in these souls and hearts within these confined walls destruction would come eventually. A powerful black darkness not only pain for myself desperately wanting out of this body the evil too strong for me to want to live. Valerie came to me I felt special and honored. 
I felt her Faith praying desperately for my pain to at least subside for the Lord to take over somehow. Even through burdens of her own she shared her strength Faith you know the 10 fold parable? Depression is dark always looking for a way out a personal battle of my own Faith mind emotions pain I was so hurt and bitter. 
Did I need to open the door from inside instead of peeking out a peep hole and protecting what? Addictions I didn't want to give up? Convictions I wanted to hang onto? False gods that were destroying me? Friends? Family? Where are they? All these years protecting myself from letting love in or out for fear if I open the door too far spirits or love might slip in other than His.
GOD forbid real love come take hold. Less than 70 pounds my ribs were pressing against my stomach rubbing irritating my ulcer. I was severely dehydrated, suffering from malnutrition and chronic pain! I was still wanting to die. I was hoping starvation would follow. Be careful what you pray for you might get it! Margaret was another dealer of rock cocaine. 
A believer somewhat unorthodox in her ways of showing her Faith her street knowledge and ways creeping out where others can see. Not our right to judge this job was appointed only to Jesus, God's only son which by the way HE gave up to death on a cross, can any of us beat that? Can any of you say, "You have been nailed to a cross?" 
Maybe what was that called? Stigmata? For what? TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER! Margaret tried with success to bring me out of this coma because depression was eating away at me. A lot of women learned about my book many used it through God's Mercy and Faith to bring back life into me what life had taken out. 
To make me see God could love a wretched wrecked ugly mess so open the door a little get a peek of who was knocking for Hope I might learn to like myself. I might not like what I see at first might close the door say, "It's just too ugly inside and outside. 
I've been here too long alone if I open up all the way it might backfire love might take over death I'll mess up still hate myself." These women took a chance for one brief moment the opportunity while the door was cracked open I was vulnerable to make me look out little at a time. 
Margaret is gorgeous. She reminded me of my best friend in Kentucky, Vicki when we were young. Long blonde natural curly hair with deep blue eyes. She was saying, "Hey Mary come on out it's ok" with her sweet low talking. What you will find is everything in life worth coming out for you have eternity for real Mary, she was so silly. 
If you never open that door you will die without Him. Margaret made me realize out of thousands of books out there also blessed there is none will be blessed exactly the same. If you read this Margaret I may have lost contact with you, but I still have the letter and gorgeous picture you sent me of you sitting on the wooden swing in the country.
You were sitting to the side and on the back you wrote; "There is always room for me." I love ya girlfriend. My story is blessed by the blood of Jesus Christ Himself shedding His blood for the entire world that's a real story! Ya gotta read that one! Touching and going through souls the blood of Jesus was scattered for the purpose this stands for, blessed no doubt! 
Margaret and I spent time not only in the jail together, but in work release only to be returned together to lock down the next day. Every time I was sent anywhere within the jail system she was there anywhere she went I was there. Anytime one of us went to lock down the other ended up there too. We went to work release came back we were put in lock down again. 
Well yeah now it's funny huh Margaret? Many officers almost found my book or run across it or caught paper usage. It seems to be protected by the Holy Spirit. It's my book my story I can believe anything I want. It keeps barely sliding by them somehow. I started rolling up chapters as they were finished inside school paperwork. 
COs were complaining about sending down magazines so I was praying over it and sending it down to property. I'm praying someday when I'm released with His help I'll be able to piece it back together. I have proven a lot of time's God's love and power over persecution with His protection and all the Mercy He can muster up for me. 
Everything God does no matter what these judges and sergeants do or say I think our Lord God is more powerful and still a higher authority. I have Faith this book will end up back in my hands in one piece. Eventually Micky and I will have our reunion. This road I have taken had many purposes, but I will have a happy ever typing ending. 
Mary is going to kill her lambs to feed everyone. Jack is chopping his bean stock to add with the lamb stew. Snow White saved up non poison apples. Cinderella is supplying glass slippers those that don't want glass slippers can get Dorothy's take me home ruby slippers and the dwarfs will build free tree houses. 
At one point the officers told me they lost my property I had a lot of property by this time how could it all be lost? My book was in there scattered, but there. Out of Faith I kept writing from where I left off praying months later they found it. Organized system or what? 
Valerie holds onto more than her share her spiritual battle has been won I don't think she will turn back the door is wide open He can roam about His temple freely. A slow process this healing thing it gets stronger everyday. Valerie doesn't have much time left in here there is still a little work for her to do for the Lord before her release in more ways than one. 
She still doesn't quite grasp a full understanding, but has steadfast Faith. Not enough can be written not enough witnessing can be done the stories will never end. Valerie's prayers are true to the Lord or she would never have touched this black death ridden heart. Through terrible emotional physical pain a slow healing process can you truly see other's pains and needs. 
If your temple is torn down you can't do His work whole heartedly. These women has shown revealed a lot through just a few encounters. Healing themselves they are bringing their own self out of darkness gutters belonging to His Kingdom. When we go through that narrow gate we can only go through alone. 
You can't look back to see if the loved ones you've protected all your life is going through. It's for your soul only to cross over for your salvation is your responsibility. Your time spent here on this earth as we know it now should be used to guide teach help show others through our works and action's how salvation may be obtained so they will be there too. 
Faith will bring the faithful through. His guidance Blessings with His help the gifts the Lord has given in putting these stories together through hopes prayers your heart will open you'll be perceptive to listen relate to what we've all been through open to His love as our's was. When you think you have no Blessings is when you find you do. 
Most of these women ARE blessed and DO have gifts from God. Some love to write some draw some are blessed with intellectual insights some make up fable type parables or poems some can wail out songs that go through your soul throughout the jail spiritually, psychologically inspiring sometimes even funny, some love to inspire you with life situations, some love being a wife. 
Some love housework, some love being a mother and some love being a friend. They have the same goals in common to get off the streets drugs alcohol to be able to lay down their strongholds to let loose of the false gods let it all go to the Lord. It's real no nonsense. We have experienced something special very personal from the Holy Spirit. 
Many women put a lot of effort into helping provide rough materials needed from inside prison walls whatever can get through. We can only do so much considering the circumstances. Through everyone's street knowledge made it possible to get what was needed to write this book. 
Nothing could have been accomplished or possible without God's protective Blessings in putting it into a lot of peoples hearts to help. Even the women who run the Feelings group provided tons of material which most were confiscated by officers enough was left to keep writing. Many are truly blessed gifted from God's personal touch. 
Many artist who have come through these walls usually is put to use for God's work in one form or another for His purpose thousands are not recognized utilized nor stained by expensive overheads and advertising. If one piece of their work is used in God's ways it's still a witness. 
None are working with greed in their hearts souls and minds they have come here with nothing stripped of everything most will leave starting life over. Who knows maybe they will say, "Hey I know that book!" For all's sake of salvation through the Lord's inspiration dedication His guidance giving knowledge Blessings we can be used as spokesmen/women scuse me. 
Valerie had hard times past, present and future she has what it will take what she needs to take her through it. She has two sets of twins she gave birth to almost back to back approximately 10 months apart. Another set of twins were aborted 10 months later. All premature about 1 1/2 pounds each. You can't tell it now she says they are normal as all children.
She was almost totally hospitalized the entire time with all of them being emergency C-sections. If it happens to her again chances of her being totally hospitalized the entire time are 100% chances of one or the other making it would be questionable. Taking a lot of other circumstances in life into consideration she would not have been emotionally stable at that time.
She was abused as a child that feeds on your stability emotionally as a mother or mother to be. She grew up with members of their family being abusive outsiders as well. It affects you one way or another throughout your entire life. These types of scenarios are devastating emotionally and psychologically damaging. Most cases never recuperate from it.
She has the Faith she needs she's not backing out of life. Without some kind of serious counseling trauma or psychotropic drugs to help you survive deal with it all most of these kinds of situations should not even leave you stable in your mind. 
She's highly intelligent more psychologically stable than most people she's not likely to buckle under! Her ability to psychologically analyze everything in a parable sense is amazing. Touched with foresight the Holy Spirit has made her humble plain ole down to earth. Her presence alone is enjoyable more so her analysis or her fable like parables of life. 
Her children and her were held together spiritually to be able to cope with the separation. If she can do it I know you and I can. I pray Micky's love for me is as strong. Valerie is tall small braided dread locks set aside from anyone else. She keeps them around her face in a cute manner shows off her cute face. 
Her lips look like nature placed them herself full just the right amount of red it don't insult her fine perfect complexion no blemishes nor imperfections. She smiles a content smile making everyone around her feel loved and wanted. Laughing all the time. Her hair never nappy always perfectly arranged. 
She seems spiritually satisfied serene content secure in these feelings enough to share not with a lot of people at once the few she shares with are affected positively and will remain intact. Her traumatic experiences revealed with God's Blessings should have left her paralyzed emotionally or traumatized.
The Lord gave her Faith to share carry someone else who was weak in every way for that alone she will be spiritually stable and rewarded. She went to court a few days ago. Her hopes were set way too high for reality. Never set your mind and hopes for a fall. Just know pray trust believe He is there.
Whatever happens is a road you were supposed to go down for some reason or another maybe not known for many years why you went down that particular road how you went down it. How did you fair at the end of that road you went down what was at the end of it? She was let down she won't be released the court system once again messed up her paperwork. 
She was not given some of her earned time now she has to wait on that to go through a judge. I have not for days been able to get near her to talk discouraged let down like many others I have seen this happen to. The system had not done it's job properly. 
They had not gotten all her time spent into the computer systems she will still be released soon and finally be reunited with her children. She's so passive at this point forgetting the fact she is not alone she has the Lord's love and people out there who do care children who mean everything to her. 
I have no one who cares no clothes no home no job no money no family or friends no idea what my sentence will be. I've been here for so long already I don't know if there is ever going to be a release date or prison. It's time for me to carry her in my prayers with Faith my prayers will bring her out of this depression. Later that night I thought OH LORD I prayed too hard. 
She was so into her happiness. Sue and her were bouncing off the walls laughing partying carrying on. I think she got a negative that night. She's going home the Lord did make everything right! Valerie's feelings about what is happening around us what she thinks corresponds with what I said. 
This spiritual change of events which the officials in charge of our live's can't see refuse to recognize is reality taking place in a county corrections facility, jail. COs and sergeants say, "We just have nothing better to do in here." This valet she wrote explains exactly these spiritual changes events which is true evidence this is a reunion of the soldiers of the Cross! 
Women of all ages or titles you choose to label us have been coming in and out of these systems for years. Cousins, sisters, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, dealers, drug customers, lovers, violent crime offenders, whatever title have shown up here at the same time again. Same place, but not the same reasons now for the same purpose of rededicating their lives to Him.
*Valerie's letter to God; God I see it's almost time. Therefore
you are bringing in your broken hearted diseased drug alcohol ridden
souls together to be healed mended through you and your Son
Jesus Christ. They are as you alone can see tired of drugs alcohol
sex and abuse. The diseases our sins have caused. The false gods
adulteress lies and habitual crimes. They don't know what's
happening to them. Whether it's the Lord's tugging conviction drug
withdrawals alcohol DTs or all of the above. I know they are not
ordinary outlaws. They are broken hearts and minds that have for
some reason of your's have ended up here to have a new beginning
or pick up what was always their's to claim. Because you are coming
soon you wanted us to know your love that you have always been
there for us. Through all we've been through you were there to
save our lives bring us out of tough times. When we cried we
wasn't alone. You were there with us still. All you wanted was for
us to understand the ultimate life we're looking for is a fulfillment
from within. It has always been right in front of our face. It was
you inside our hearts. Most have the kind of heart before we hurt
anyone else we would hurt ourselves. Through self infliction may we
see you. Through God we've made it here for a change or a second
or last chance. We won't be the same when God releases us or
sends us on to prison this time. This time is different.
AMEN!-LOVE from the HOLY SPIRIT-Valerie-.
*In the lunch room I noticed out of all women inmates one woman. It could have been because she seemed 6' 9" or somewhere around that! She was really pretty soft light brown hair below her shoulders she kept in rollers at night. Well they were toilette paper card board rollers soft looking with soft curls. When she laughed it was loud the entire place laughed with her. 
She loves trying the officers yet always apologize. I guess that's why her and I ended up clicking. We were both kind of trouble makers in our on ways. I had a blast working living with Sue. I met her sister several times over the years. Her sister was always in trouble with officers. A real smart mouth ass hole, but in a humorous way. 
She was young and so dumb nothing like her older sister. I was curious about her amazed and surprised she didn't feel me staring a hole in her. She was tall noticeable by everyone. Her blue uniform didn't insult her like they do everyone else. She was having fun with all this wanted everyone around to have fun too no matter what the cost she could get a laugh out of everyone. 
She always called me short stop or baby girl I think they all called me and everyone else in there baby girl. It was like she just had a way with the officers said; she knew a lot of dirt on most of them could get away with some of the most hilarious stuff. She made what time we had together fly. 
Sue for what it's worth considering where we were at in life you made life for me in there bareable, tolerable and fun. I'm sorry if I was mean or petty to you. I love ya girl. Keep on smiling laughing it all off it works! Everyone's uniform looks terrible. No one looks good in these monkey suits. 
Her collar hangs back away from her neck making her look appealing sexy if that can be imagined in here. It hung around her shoulders and neck in a mistaken kind of way like accidentally as was her JF look. Pardon my French English the just fucked look as these women call it. 
She held her head, neck and back straight as to announce she's not ashamed of being tall because I'm sexy tall. Most tall women are slouches and their posture is shot. Her posture and the way she carries and holds herself. She walks with love and an obvious you can't get me down type of attitude. She's always happy and a joy to look at. 
She laughed when I told her about her JF look. She walks with a positive air of confidence. I watched her in the classrooms she's a proud fun person. Her and I finished our book assignments in all the classes in one day receiving our certificates the same day. Just to prove I can keep up with you Sue without any effort. 
This was a mistake the rest of the semester you have nothing left to do. One of my oldest and best habits from being a back woods Hillbilly I'm sneaky manipulative more so than most in an innocent quiet way. I listen to her answer questions. She was evidently very street wise her vocabulary is in contrast with her intelligence. 
She impressed me as being far more intelligent than society give her credit. Her questions and answers were mingled with a high IQ and street lingo. I was thinking I'm not gay I don't have a high IQ, education training money nor schooling of an attorney judge or accountant my street lingo goes as a trucker's mouth. I surely wish I could be her friend. 
She came to Horizons after me moved next door to me. Why would I want to be friends with someone this smart? She was always laughing loudly and joking with everyone including the CO's I wanted to be involved with her. This is Sue, Valerie's room-mate. It wasn't until Margaret and Valerie got me to come out of my room I got to know her. 
Her laugh, hair, actions and movements reminds me of Carol Burnett. She was next door praying with Valerie all that time for me! They all along with Mrs. Adeline prayed me right out of that room right out of that pain right into their hearts and them in mine. How bout it Sue? I remember and can imagine their voices as I write about them. 
Sue always said; "How bout-"then finish the sentence, but every other sentence began with how bout-I started walking around without pain. It was still going to be a long winter so to speak. Sue became my breakfast lunch and dinner companion. Margaret was now gone and Valerie sat with other friends she knew. 
I thought highly of her picking me out of all the women she knew them all. For the entire time we were there aside from Valerie and Margaret I was Sue's buddy she chose me to hang around with. We had a blast together. I finally got on the food cart with Sue and Valerie. They finally changed my band I was reclassified after a year and half or so. 
We were always breaking the rules getting over on the officers getting coffee just plain having fun making everyone's time pass better. We gave extra food when they were not watching. Got extra ice cream for everyone threw them a few extra soybean patties. Rules were changed most of the time due to the silly crew. 
We got each other in trouble a few times, but helped each other get out of it. They all felt the same way I did about snitching most times we all had to take blame for stuff together. Sue I had a blast with you, Valerie, Claudia, Margaret and a few of the officers. 
I saved food from every meal to take to my room late at night Sue and Valerie would be hungry and ask how bout it Mary ya got something to eat over there? Yeah that's right officers and CO's read this crap there were a lot of inmates got over on you guys with a lot of stuff. You guys are good, but we're better sometimes. 
Duke boys ya didn't ever get me! Ya never caught what I was doing. Maybe I shouldn't tell, but I don't plan on spending anymore time in jails or prisons after this it's a good story I'm going to tell it along with a lot of other stuff. HA HA HA! 
I'll probably be dead before this book gets on the shelves if it makes it that far if not I'll die no one will ever know so what's the difference? There is so much incriminating stuff in my story watcha gonna do? If I go to back to the mountains get to stay live in Kentucky I would consider that a perfect ending. 
The only reason I say all this most of the officers was really mean to us. We would sneak push that little button on our doors quickly hand the food over before the officer could look up to see what was going on. I was afraid Sue would get sick if she didn't eat good. We played silly games at meals switching foods like any of us had anything different than the other. 
It made the officers mad. They liked the sweet stuff I don't like sweets nor raw sugar. We made life fun for each other always including the Lord in everything even in everyday conversations. That's my man I would say. If I could get away with it if they would let me I would give it all to them. I sat beside Sue in every classroom we became close friends. 
If someone sat beside her she ran them off tell them this seat was taken. Everyone knew not to mess with Sue. We loved each other dearly. Unlike anything any of us had on the outside we became inseparable as it was with Valerie and Margaret after getting to know them. I thought I wasn't worthy of having such friends. 
Listen closely I think you can hear a bunch of special inner messages. It isn't intended for your heart to stay closed permanently. Sue could make you laugh have fun get into innocent trouble when you totally intended to stay in your depression. Darn her! She won't let you withdrawal without putting forth any effort. 
She knows more people in the systems on the streets than any dealer or whatever title coming and going ever lied about knowing. She had all those degrees I mentioned earlier. Drugs and alcohol can take it all! The beauty of it is the high up one she knows now is the most powerful of them all "God." 
She's a street momma for sure she's taking back out there something hopefully with her hyperactive spirit of the Lord will latch onto for dear life. She has an uncontrollable care for others. She let me get to know her with patience knowing God had a purpose for this too. 
I started running a store I watched all the women how pros and not so pros were making hand made cards selling them to inmates who had money in their accounts. I watched one of the best artist in the place do a tracing trick with pictures in magazines. I took everything I learned from everyone got a bunch of materials together made up a bunch of cards really nice cards. 
I was doing really good with that alone. I was also getting Tylenol for my ulcer my ulcer was not hurting so I hid every pill I got under my tongue turned around spit it into my hand. I saved up an entire bottle full and started selling them for stuff for Micky and I so we would not have to buy some products when I got out. I planned on getting her and leaving Billy. 
I would need to save a penny here and there. I was also getting Tagaments and Dimutabs selling them more giving away most people didn't want to pay I couldn't refuse helping them. When the duke boys came to bust us I kept the bottles and paraphernalia for my store hidden lined in my well I'll not say how and where someone else may be doing all this as we speak. 
I don't want to ruin it for them. I ended with enough shampoos, conditioners, socks, soaps, deodorants and toothpaste to last almost two years on the outside. That's not counting a lot of huge black garbage bags full of stuff the officers kept taking from me trashing because I was indigent. 
Sue had a black boy friend don't judge this it's not your job I don't remember reading it anywhere that we are the judges you can't go with anyone who had another color on their skin. If you've read it show it to me I'll believe you until then I don't. How many cases have been in the system for black men abusing women? 
How many statistical cases of abandonment or no child support? The percentage in comparison is very low this can be considered my opinion. Black men put white women on a pedestal as a given so high your rarely let down. Their love for a white woman or black woman is deep strong it's hard to break their love. 
In case you are wandering asking yourself or me in your minds-YES-my daughter can bring home a black man. He better be a believer good to her good looking have money or he has to deal with me and the Lord. Just kidding only on some of it, but guess which ones? They love you strong and binding.
I'm not going to be the judge NO WAY Sue loves this man as equally as he loves her. She goes crazy if she goes one day without hearing from him. In Horizons we had three phones on every wall could call out certain times of the day. She had not heard from him in over a week driving us insane with worry. It was another story of a drug deal gone bad. 
Wrong time wrong drugs wrong people wrong everything! He got stabbed all over his body big chunks were taken out of his back and face these were the areas damaged most. His sister was an RN. She stitched him up at home. He's stitched up finally answers her call. She's so worried out of her mind before she asks how he's doing she yells at him for not contacting her. 
Home boys love don't ya know? I was diligently reading the Bible when she started screaming he's alive he's alive praise God he's alive. She had me praising God and I don't know him. She is so blessed in life is an amazing person good to people you can't pull her back or down. She has a lot of friends loved ones come to see her. 
They take good care of her and she takes good care of them. She shells out her commissary clothes food tons of material things to everyone. She buys then gives it all away to everyone as abundantly as her spiritual Blessings she gets. You can't imagine her sense of humor and her humorous sense of life amazing! I want to be like her when I grow up. 
She has tons of degrees and certificates I knew she was smarter than average. There has been bazillions of poems, art, literature, thoughts, songs, many talents and singers spiritually blessed over the many years in jails and prisons. Singers that can wail out their souls and touch hearts of many echoing through these walls. 
Black women's singing can touch your soul core deeply. Sue knows them all. She says, "Everything is a matter of retaining what you've learned heard seen and take in." These women are truly talented. Sue's heart is so big her uniform thought to be blue and huge can't fit that big heart of hers. 
The talent in these confined walls which is no longer never has been God forsaken is awesome. The Lord tugs gently at their hearts and mine. He knocked doors were opening some slower than others at their own pace. He knows how fast or how slow each soul can take their Blessings. If there were more people coming and going excepting Christ Jesus. 
YEAH and maybe put this book in there too the systems would be less crowded. I pray He uses our stories of our lives this book blesses these pages uses us as messengers traveling through time and souls. If He's tugging or knocking don't ignore Him. We want to squeeze through that narrow gate to Heaven. It gets narrower and narrower as the age of the coming of our Lord. 
Don't wait till the last minute or on a death bed or when your at the bottom or desperately needy which these are times He is needed too. I've found He blesses me more each time I tell Him thank you through tough sad times if you can. That's hard sometimes I know. 
He loves to be wanted sung to praised worshipped needed talked to even when your doing good and happy too. The Lord says, "When two or more come together in His name there shall I be in the midst." When two or more witnesses come together in His name there isn't nothing that can not be accomplished when calling His name. 
The Chaplain of the new Christian cell the Nurture cell was holding a position for me to be Chaplain's assistant for months. There were so many corrupt things going on I did not want to be involved. One women who was considered a repeater a dealer also wanted the job bad enough to fight for it I let her have it. 
Chaplain's assistant comes with coffee a little freedom access to the Chaplain's office. An ambulance chaser or Jesus chaser we called her. Basically she traded an outside addiction or habit for an inside one. Her addiction was exchanged for another she thought she had power. The Chaplain took four very large black garbage bag of commissary away from me. 
She put it in her office I told her it was to be shared with everyone. Little at a time the Chaplain's helper ate it all gave no one any. Sitting in there day after day drinking coffee eating candy. The Chaplain was rarely ever there so she neither knew what was going on nor did she care if anyone told her. 
Long ago Miss Ruthie, a small black lady filled with the Spirit of the Lord resided in this office. She was demoted to the Annex building and lock down. She didn't mind she felt she was still doing work for the same cause. The new Chaplain was too busy elbowing with the mayor having pool parties. The politics of it all! 
The reason I say this there were a lot of conversations I over heard straight from the camel's mouth not my camel he's no snitch. There were many preachers teachers classes prophets witnesses book authors programs devotions and expensive seminars came through free for the women in the Nurture cell, but women from all sides were welcome to come. 
Many wealthy people came to testify of their work for God. I won't mention names, but famous song writers people who once belonged some still do to the Mafia. They travel to jails and prisons telling of their experiences and how they came to know the Lord. This was truly a blessed time to be here. 
To get these classes, studies, seminars and hands on witnessing as it should be with the Lord's Blessings free. I am a witness to society your taxes my taxes our taxes and money are well spent as far as the Nurture Cell goes! Hanging with Sue I was spared of being used or taken advantage of or degraded or stepping to their level. 
Sue had a saying; "Give it to the Lord all of it!" Sue went through major dental work in here. What a place to go through that or anything else for that matter. The medical attention you get in here is next to nothing the dentist are usually butchers something for lawyers to swing a mallet at. These women eat Tylenol like it's candy. 
I shared as much Tylenol and Tagaments with Sue and everyone as I could get. I could get more than anyone because of my ulcer. It was a good thing I did or most wouldn't get an aspirin for their pain. I prayed the entire time she was at the dentist. I knew from experience what the medical and dental are like in these places. Sue had nothing, but praise of this dentist. 
Stitches everywhere, but praise God she got a good dentist. She was in so much pain. When your in pain in these places you just have to suffer pray or have a friend who can get Tylenol right? I read a cute story in a literature book reminds me of some people I know on the outside and who come and go in jails and prisons. 
It's so true in some cases, but people can change there is good in all people somewhere down in there!
*"The Lynx Fox Gazelle and King of Beast the Lion"
The Lynx Fox Gazelle and King of Beast the Lion went hunting
together. None of them knew each other. They were supposed to
share the prey they catch. They decided to pounce on an
unsuspecting fawn. It was no big deal it was so small not worth it.
Then they ran into a big antlered deer. One with about 10 antlers.
This was more worthy of the cause. They decided since the Lion
was King of beast he should get to part it out or pass out the
parts and pieces. Lion says, "I get the head and antlers because
I'm the bravest. I also get the front legs because I'm King of
beast. I get the hind legs because I'm the smartest. I get the
rest because I'm bigger, badder and dare anyone of you to touch
it!" Moral: Don't look for someone to be in charge of your needs
wants blessings or desires he may take it all. We have the promise
of our needs taken care of by our spiritual father.

*I'll be happy and sad if Sue leaves, but I'm praying she does. I met Wendy while in Tampa jail while I spent 6 months waiting on transportation back to the Bradenton jail to take care of old charges once again Billy and Sherry put on me. Which I spent another two year stretch when they got me back to Bradenton again. I had to first serve the 6 months in Tampa.
I was dancing at a totally nude bar in between Tampa and Bradenton. I was still wearing costumes or outfits while everyone was running around totally naked. I didn't understand this nor had I ever worked in a totally nude place. I wasn't making any money I had outfits on while no one else did. The reason everyone was making money and I wasn't was something I wasn't willing to do.
They were taking the men into a dark back room. They were fucking and sucking their way through life to get money. No better than the streets huh? A man kept coming there every night watching me not make any money. I sat with him every night. I felt safe with him. He told me he took many girls to a place they could dance without getting naked and make good money.
It was called "The Library" in Tampa. Turned out the girls he talked about were true they were there really were nice. Sometimes women in dancing places aren't very nice people. They helped me he did too. Many of these women danced in some nice places had taken dancing courses classes ended up here. Some were older women making pretty good money too. 
I was surprised how nice these women were. One of them made a lot money working the bars. That's getting up on the bars literally dancing hanging upside down twisting around the bars it's called fucking the bar. She said; she had a bad back accident if I could learn to work the bars I could make some good money. I did and did make some good money. 
The owner of the bar gave me an apartment free. At the end of the shift I walked through the back hall I was home. The old man told me if I go to a hotel room with him no sex to keep him company give each other back rubs talk and drink a few beers. He took good care of me and give me $200.00 for two days of company this was what really happened. 
I had $800.00 or so on me went into Eckerd's stole a bottle of Alka-Seltzer a box of Tampax. The judge said; "I guess you need those Alka Seltzers now huh?" The old man hauled ass I never saw him again. He didn't come to check on me. This was where I met Wendy and her mother Candy were here on the same charges. 
Wendy's entire body looks as though she had been caught in a fire. A trucker after having sex pushed her out of his truck. She says, "He raped her." I have no reason to not believe her. Her coat and shirt were caught in his door. He didn't know and she was drug down the highway. They both experienced severe abuse from Wendy's father Candy's husband. 
Candy was shot in her leg her last encounter with him. I was meeting Wendy once again and her mother for the first time in Bible study with Mrs. Adeline. They both accepted Jesus together. Her dad raped her while mom was on the streets prostituting. No more rapes men drugs abuse streets alcohol or prostitution for either of them. 
It's gotta be Jesus! Tod walked up to me after one of the feeling's groups let out. The lady that ran the group was still asking if my book was finished. I don't have a happy ending so no it's not through yet. Also most of it's in property there may never be a happy ending who knows. I didn't want these women's lives used for psychological studies or pick their brains. 
As I got chapters done I was still wrapping them sending them to property so they wouldn't get taken lost signed out to anyone or put into the wrong hands. I knew it would be a real mess to straighten out someday when I would be released. He helped me amazingly one night put the book back together. It was so confusing I thought it was beyond repair. 
I had it brought up from property what a mess. I worked with it till I figured it out suddenly the pages started coming together. Tod was a serious tomboy her brothers father and cousins raped her during her entire childhood. She no longer wants to be gay. She wanted a new life a walk with the Lord. She was there for rock cocaine and prostitution habitual. 
Her prison points were high. Prison had not been a reality till they came to get her in the middle of the night then fear set in. I watched her leave in tears, but no more rapes, incest, drugs, alcohol and no more prostitution. She knew she was in human bondage free at last. She had fallen deeply in love with Jesus. 
On her way out she said; "Every time she saw me I was her inspiration and gave her strength to hold on." She said; "She has no intentions of leaving or turning away from Him. He was now her stronghold." I never knew anyone was watching that happened again later on when someone else went to prison for sixteen years. 
At dinner one night one of the women was begging everyone to trade her something for another piece of cake. You gotta be kidding. No one gives up food in here, but me. I took my tray over to sit with her. I don't like raw sugar. Rarely eat sweats I gave her my cake it was a big cake too. 
She said; "I heard about your book if I promised her the next sweets from the next meal she would tell me her story." I agreed if not anything else to give her some more food if this was all she wanted no big deal to me. The next day at lunch she told me while we ate. The man she was living with was a dealer who isn't either a dealer or user in here? 
He locked her in a closet for two years. She never saw daylight food and water were rare. When he did come to her he would shoot her up with heroine and meth wherever there was a place that wasn't scarred too bad he could get to. She said; "His penis was so big he cut her vagina each time they had sex."
This was true not only was her body scarred from the needles, but this was one of the things the doctor was seeing her for. As a child her grandfather raped her. When she told on him the entire family threatened to have her sent away if she didn't stop lying on him. To her there was no one to turn to. 
She said; "She believes what Mrs. Adeline was teaching about there being a better place to go." One scripture struck her as making this believable for her. He said; "He goes on before us to make a better place to prepare a place to go for us all." She was sure of one thing after all she had been through here on earth there has got to be another life a better place to go. 
Jesus was the only one she could turn to for this kind of promise who else could give to us a promise such as this? How can these officers possibly see hear and feel what is in my heart and mind judge me or any one for that matter? I have been a productive citizen for many years. 
How many more years do you want me to be productive before you will believe this is reality for me and many? When will I ever be not considered a convicted felon? At what point will my debt to society be considered paid in full? How will I now fill out applications for jobs? 
Do I tell the truth and say, "I am a convicted felon" and not get the job or do I lie and say, "I'm not" then let them find out on their own and get fired for lying on the application? This jail house religion is reality for most women and men. 
Jail is reality, but more of a pleasure being with these women than having managers and general managers mistreat me yell at me abuse me after working with them training them than your idea of a productive citizen will ever be. Our sergeant is an ass hole I told him it's you that isn't real. 
I thought he would do something bad to me, but he said; "I guess you told me a thing or two huh?" Don't shatter the only for some the first or last hopes dreams and beliefs they've had in most their entire lives! Something someone for them to live for learn to like love and live for themselves. They hurt don't hurt them anymore. 
Jesus is reality in here and out there I'll prove that too. I have been a productive citizen, but making wrong decisions with wrong people along the way. I was being abused, yelled at and mistreated by managers and general managers at every restaurant. I can't take being harassed or yelled at, lied on or abused when they know I was doing an excellent job.
Robin had four children and a husband because of habitual rock cocaine and prostitution she could no longer take care of her children. The courts deemed her un-rehabilitative never to see her children again. She left her children in her sister's care up North. Her sister split the children up giving them to the state HRS. 
Robin for many years was emotionally, mentally and physically torn to pieces. She had no idea where her children were taken. The state told her no over and over. She had no idea where her husband went. She thought he was in one of the prisons, but in what state? What town? Which prison? 
She had no idea where to search for her children or her husband not from within the system herself. Her husband and her loved each other dearly. She was my bunky off and on. She was fighting within herself as to whether she wanted to stay being gay or go totally straight try one more time to get her life together. 
After going to work release for one day and saying, "I had a brother in Mexico," they considered that a threat to escape put me back into jail. I was sitting at a picnic table reading in Ezekiel it said; "Pack your belongings your going back into exile." I looked up and said; "You wouldn't do that to me would you?" Ten minutes later in handcuffs being brought back in.
I was put in lock down with Robin. Her and I put all our resources together start working on finding her husband whether he still wanted her and a family then go from there. We found her husband confirmed how he felt about her and the kids started searching once again appealing to judges. 
Finally they decided to give this couple another chance if they were willing to go through a shit load of courses rehabs. They did and they got back together got their kids back all before I left. This I felt was His reason for putting me back in jail. What else could it have been the way it all went down?
Darlene became my next bunky didn't stay long, but told me what little she could before she left. Her dad, Mom, brother and sister had sex together during their childhood. They had what her father called family day. He made everyone two days out of the week sit in front of the television naked. She took to the streets to get away. 
She was here for rock cocaine and prostitution. Habitual. She got time spent on the last court date. I don't know where she was going from here I do know she's going with the Lord. I suggest if you don't want to cry anymore read no further. 
I believe if these women after all this love Jesus this much you gotta love them for their strength courage turning to a much better way of life with Jesus. Can you believe the horrible things we've been through? The sergeant walked up to me after her and I walked out of Bible study. I asked him if there was any way of changing my orange band to a different band. 
After you test out of the classes do everything there is to do here all the programs you have to go into some kind of working program in the system. Road gang, food cart, Culinary, wood shop or one of the other many work programs and you do get a legitimate certificates somewhat. I could not get into anything. 
He said; "Normally after you have been here for over a year you could apply to be reclassified. Because of my charges they could not reclassify me. I couldn't get into any programs." I went back into the Nurture cell once again. We had a conversation that went right through me like a knife. I was so angry with that sergeant. 
He said; "The Christian cell block was phoney how could anyone believe in jail house religion we were pretending something to keep our mind's occupied." Glenda Hood played a major role in starting this program getting the finances and programs for it this is what I was told. I'm sure there were many more who contributed. I hope it stays. It's a good thing! 
There were many expensive seminars Bible classes teachers and preachers. So this sergeant was ditching her efforts and work? We were supposed to be able to stay in this program for three months sometimes in special cases such as mine six months. I managed to stay there for much longer. Several times I wanted to be alone with the word be with Jesus alone. 
Off and on I asked them to send me down to lock down. This is where many women lived confined together about 15-20 women per cell. Each time I went back into population I requested the Nurture cell. I enjoyed taking all the Bible courses Seminar's and classes over and over. 
The Sergeant said; "Until I got out got a job become a productive citizen he would not believe anything I had to say." I told him for over 35 some odd years I have been a Cook in the top ten never called in sick never late. Many of those years I walked every step there and back or rode a ten speed there and back that's with pulling two to three shifts. 
Most times working two full time positions training 80% of the managers and general managers from Sarasota, Bradenton, Orlando and Titusville. How much more productive could I have been? How much more of a citizen would you have wanted me to be? Before the 35 years as a Denny's cook I worked 7 years at Marios-2 years at the Yacht Club-2 years at Cruise Inn.
2 years at Grasantis-2 years at the Galley-3 years at Stone Crabb-1 year at Casa Lapitas-and 5 years at Olive Garden. I also held the record for never being late never calling in AND within a week to two weeks I was always lead or head cook. In many of the places my name was on the plaques several times for being employee of the month. 
How much more taxes should I have paid for my stay here to be considered earned? If you did not know this much about me how could you judge me? Many times Darlene tried to be with other women in the jail she would turn to see me watching her. I wasn't purposely watching I was just looking on. She thought I was though if this worked for her then so be it. 
My Faith her guilt over her children her life and her husband would turn her around to make her steadfast. This day I was put back into jail her bunky once again. After a year and half I fasted for three months. Next thing on my sentence was work release. I didn't know because of my fuck up the last time in work release I would not be going to work release again. 
This is why I had to spend that last six months. I finally went to court shackled from hands to feet guilty standing before a human judge once again Judge Wattles. I sat through every case I was the last case to be heard. He slapped the hammer that big wooden mallet down he said; "15 years day to day no gain no good time!" 
That was the third time I have heard a judge say that to me. Some stupid reason in my mind I was certain I would get time spent and probation. Who told me that? That adorable piece of shit public defender/pretender. Kiss My Ass! I was the last one in the court room to see the judge. 
I was told he was known for giving many chances he believed there was good in all people. So much for that rumor he gave me 15 years day to day in prison. At my age that was a life sentence never to see Micky again. This was what Micky's father, Billy my husband wanted. Alone with only the judge and the lawyer present. 
I went off on my lawyer asking him what kind of piece of shit lawyer are you? To give someone in my situation my position false hopes? The judge told the attorney to bring me back the next day for sentencing again. He said; "Let her get used to the idea she is going to prison." The next day he redid the sentence making it worse. 
Reason being prison time is better than county time. Two years in county is equal to 5 years in prison. County time is harder. In prison you can take on jobs get to see some day light. That night I had the strangest dream or was it a vision? I've had this same dream for the last two nights. I was standing in front of a prison the only way in was down a huge slide. 
Every woman going into prison had to go down that big slide first. There was no other way in. There was a block or an invisible barricade prevented me from entering into the prison or from going down the slide or going around the slide. I could see cabin like or country like rooms where the women were roaming freely. 
They kept yelling at me saying, "You know us it's ok don't be afraid of us or prison. You won't have any problems remember you know us." I kept trying to get in there was something impossible invisible keeping me from entering into the prison systems. I tried many ways of getting in, but could not enter in. I could see from the distance it was better than where I was living now.
Conditions were that of camping or outdoor life. God was maybe showing me I won't go to prison. Next day judge Wattles gave me 2 years county, 2 years work release, 2 years home confinement, 5 years probation, $75,000.00 court cost and fines and the stipulation I was to work for D.E.A. in assisting them in drug bust. Good luck with that last stipulation. 
I had been fasting for three months for work release. I understand fasting is not only for the purpose of fighting evil done to you evil done by you evil around and in you. It is also for cleansing your system body and temple where the Holy Spirit dwells. A cleansing of your system of food impurities chemicals in foods especially these days especially in here. 
The Holy Spirit can dwell in a cleansed environment or temple. To show your love, obedience, willingness to have your will and His be one and to return the care, love and respect for Him. A way of sacrificing for Him or worshiping with the Lord. It is not a requirement nor is it sometimes possible to worship Him in this manor or in confined buildings. 
My alter and temple is within me. My mind heart body and soul IS His temple. I think He prefers to worship Him from within. They came to get the women who were going to work release my name was called! All the women in the Nurture Cell had been praying for this for me. Everyone was shocked clapping. I've been in here for little over 1 1/2 years. 
They had to first figure out what I was going to wear remember I had no clothes when I came in? I had to go to work release in a jail house uniform. There were clothes set aside for women when they get out who have no clothes, but there were none at this time. I went to work release and arranged for a visit with Micky. 
The first day in work release Billy brought Micky to see me. It was a very uncomfortable visit. All the things Billy has done to me in the past he did not know I knew it was him all along. Hanging and destroying me every chance he could all through our time together. I hated him and wanted to get back at him somehow someday. 
For now I would play the faithful stupid wife and mother to stay on whatever good side was left. I counted on his lower half his tiny dick to lead him once again. I had no money for him to blow he could not get sex even if I were out there was nothing for him to gain from me. The fact I was now a Jesus freak and a non alcoholic drug free human, well I'm worthless to Billy.
I was a stack of shit to him. Micky was like holding a stranger after so long. She would not leave my arms the entire time. Billy brought me clothes that had the smell of sex crusted old semen blood and stains from infections from another woman in the crotches of everything panties and jeans. I threw them away said nothing of this to him. 
I didn't care at that moment it was Micky that mattered. I got my job back with Denny's with Mr .Aloma it was New Year's Eve my birthday. I was supposed to get what they called a furlough to go home for an entire weekend to visit with Micky. Margaret and I were assigned to clean the walls and woodwork in the hallways. 
Mr. Aloma spoke with the sergeant in charge explaining how bad he needed me to work especially on New Year's Eve and day the busiest days of the year. The Sergeant would not let me go to work outside the work release building. It was a requirement you had to work at least four days before you could go out and work. 
Mr. Aloma told them if I could not be there on New Year's Eve and day he would have to hire someone else I would miss out on getting my job back. They didn't care still said; "No." While Margaret and I were cleaning there were two psychiatrist offices on both sides of us two counselors were listening to us talking about going to our home's for a weekend visit. 
One of them said; "You will not go unless we say, "You are mentally capable of going." I was so upset. Not knowing how serious they take these kind of statements I was joking I said; "I should go to my brother's house in Mexico." Where he was living at the time. I had no intentions of doing this. I was only saying it out of anger because of what they said. 
They took this as an attempt to escape. Immediately they brought in another shrink to evaluate me. Evidently it was not a good evaluation. Later sitting at a picnic table outside reading my Bible. I read one last sentence was devastated by what I read. It said; "Pack your belongings you are going back into exile." 
I looked at the sky not knowing this 1 day of freedom was over said; "Lord you would not do this to me would you?" 10 minutes later I was handcuffed being taken back to jail. I'll have to spend another six months before they will consider work release again. Margaret was put back for helping a dealer package sell rock cocaine. We were both placed in lock down.
Margaret was saying, "She only held it for them." Yeah right! Robin is once again my room-mate. I was searching frantically in the Bible for that statement I read while sitting at the picnic table thinking if that happened just like the scriptures said maybe I could get a glimpse of what was going to happen next. 
Robin was crying telling me the state would not tell her where or how to locate her children. I kept explaining I was emotionally depressed I did not get to visit with Micky I only saw her for a brief time. Her and I sat down trying to put our thoughts together. I said; "First you have to be serious with the Lord and willing to put your past life away for good. 
God does not play psychological mind games with you. You can't play the same ole games with Him you play with the systems nor the streets nor life nor with men or women He knows!" We were on our knees praying for direction. Where could we possibly start to find her children? Don't ask me I don't know where I was getting knowledge to help these women. 
I'm just a back woods Appalachian Mountain country girl, a Hillbilly, a preacher's daughter, a real live honest to goodness moonshine drinkin, overall wearin, double barrel carryin, Hillbilly. Or DO I know where this knowledge help is coming from? I said; "The first thing you need to do is locate your husband. Find out if love is still between you. 
The judge and state would look favorable if you and your husband could find each other both agree want to get back together. You have to first do it for the Lord then you then him then the children." In the Lord's eyes I don't think he will help if your not truthful sincere with Him. 
It will not work between you both and would be bad for the kids if you and him are not in love don't want the same results to come out of this. Her and I started working on what we were working on before I left locating her husband see where they both stand then start locating the children. 
I'll give you the stamps and envelopes I get with what you get too we should eventually be able to find him if he is in prison somewhere. Seemed hopeless impossible I was so sad for her. We started writing all the prisons we could locate looking for where they took her husband. After months of searching one day she was so excited. 
She got a letter stating what prison had her husband in custody. She wrote him and he did write back. Telling her yes he still loves her more than life itself wants her and the children. I told her to keep everything she got from everywhere. A black man's love for a white woman in my personal opinion is undying and faithful. 
I know most white men reading this are really wanting to tell me off. HELL have you been paying attention to my story? It hasn't been a pretty picture with my life or these women's lives you white men have not really made a very good example for yourselves. I'll save judgement I still think there has got to be just one more good one left somewhere for me.
We started writing letters of appeals to every judge HRS offices attorneys and state housings trying to locate what state the children were in. After months on end of hopeless failures and rejections one day she got a letter from the institution her children were in. Stating they were going to arrange a visit with her children.
They located her children wanted to try one more time to rehabilitate the parents make them suitable in the eyes of the courts laws HRS and judges for the mother and father to be reunited after the courts would require them to be considered rehabilitated acceptable and suitable for parenting. They were going to be reunited with each other and their children. 
They both have to go to rehabs for certain periods of time it's all gonna be worth it still gonna be a long hard road ahead for the both, but tons stacked upon tons of HOPE! I saw one day someone I will never forget my short encounter with. Me along with all other women was shocked stunned at what we saw. 
A man in the women's dorm he or she was gorgeous absolutely breathtaking-HOT! What a man in the women's dorm? Terry was now Toni? Gorgeous! Toni took hormones for years in preparation for a sex change. He/She had the actual sex change before he/she came. He/She told me her story while dragging me more or less to the side in Bible class one day. 
Now a believer He/She had to discontinue the hormone shots and pills. No telling what the effect will be on him/her and his/her new body. They were discontinued he/she got 16 years in prison for DUI vehicular homicide he/she turned to God out of loneliness desperation and the fear of all he/she had done to others and himself/herself. 
He/She did not want to die this way not entering into this thing called ETERNITY. He/She did not want to miss out on this chance of dreams hopes no man or woman can give of being forgiven of all things. That meant a lot to him/her. 
He/She also wanted me to know for the purpose of telling people no matter how bad you think things you have done in life are you CAN get forgiveness and the hopes ahead of the most awesome gentle love Faith of a mustard seed which by the way can move a mountain! Brenda walked into my room she was small adorable and pregnant. It was her dad's baby. 
Her stay with me in this room in the Nurture Cell would not be a long one. Like me she didn't want to leave the room for any reason. A lady prophet named Eva came in about two or three times a week I always went to watch and listen to her. She was amazing to me I believe she was the neatest person in life I have ever met. 
She preached of the tribulation spoke very loudly with a Russian accent anointing some with oil continuously prophesying and preaching. She had so much energy. One inmate came at her calling her a fake a liar. I know this to be real and not planned the woman lives here with us. Eva rebuked Lucifer from her and she threw out everything in her stomach. 
I mean not just threw up she threw straight outwards really far like in Poltergeist. Many things she said happened came to pass I know I watched it all happen. That was a form of slaying of the spirits. Her voice was always soft yet loud mesmerized everyone. I know she was real no fake this woman! I listen to her without ever getting bored for one minute she amazed me. 
I wandered for so long why she would never lay hands on me I wanted her to then again I was scared of what she might see feel and say. It took me all day to convince Brenda to go with me to hear her. I kept saying, "You gotta hear this woman you just gotta watch this woman she's amazing." That night she went with me. 
Eva came straight to her told her Jesus was telling her about her circumstances telling her all she needed was a place with a phone to be hooked up to home confinement $100.00 AND God was telling her to bond her out. She was out before morning. 
I felt as though the Lord used me sacrificing my dreams shattering my hopes of spending time with Micky to help two people to grow in Faith and hope. I think even through death the Lord sacrifices one human being's life or hopes and dreams to save another who may be stronger. 
I watched many miracles reuniting impossible situations husbands, wives and children. Some made newspapers some made magazines. I sit here with no hopes or dreams only Faith was left my personal love and growing relationship with Jesus kept me sane. I got a new room-mate Karen was a real mess. She lived many years in New York taking care of her lover who was dying of aides.
She was sent to prison taken from her dying lover. She came to Florida to cop heroine and smack for her dying lover was busted copping selling and in possession of the substances. She was staying in a prison in New York where her and her dying lover resided to spend her term in prison. She was sent here to take care of the drug charges she copped here.
She fell in love with another inmate who used her. She watched her new lover fucking around on her from the glass confinement of our room while her lover sat at home dying alone her new lover making time with other women down below. You may recognize this story to be true. It had been in a lot of the New York papers. For that reason this is not her real name. 
Karen was dying of Lime disease. I watched the latter part of the disease take this women. Many lawyers had taken up this case. While in prison in New York a few women were being raped by guards or officers men put in charge of looking after them trusted to take care of them. 
To prove these men were raping them one of the women saved semen in her mouth spit it into a cup therefore proving the women to not be liars. It's hard to prove anything go against or fight anyone in the systems. They won the case and getting a huge settlement it was publicly already their's. Karen was dying fast from Lime disease. 
I watched her for months throwing up foods and liquids she tried to get to digest. Her guts body digestive system would not let her retain nor digest even liquids a disgusting horrible disease. Once an obese woman now her weight dropped at a fast rate losing so much so quickly hang below her vagina on her legs and arms. 
Every part of her body muscles tissues access fat on her face arms legs and stomach hang on her. I watched sadly every day her fighting this disease the hurt of leaving her lover alone dying of aides throwing up even water. The hurt tears crying while watching her new lover flaunt sex with other women.
Her new lover was gorgeous kept herself looking like a small man very well groomed clean wanted by a lot of inmates. Karen's only way of coping through her eyes was watching the strong love Faith I have for my Jesus. Not knowing it was obvious or she was paying attention to me. I thought she was caught up in her horrible troubles. 
She turned to me said; "Your not gay you won't let me eat your pussy will you pray with me? I want what you have before I die a personal thing with Jesus!" I smiled to me that was quite a compliment coming from such a strong woman in the sense she had all earthly riches drugs sex and money. 
She is going through physical and emotional traumas with two dying lovers her dying too. Drugs riches sex and money took it all from her she saw clear enough to know what she needed before she dies. For the longest time I wanted Miss Eva to lay her hands on me tell me what she saw or felt. We became close, but she avoided laying on of hands with oil with me. 
She always avoided anointing me. She always said; "Not yet it's not time." I talked Brenda into going to listen and watch Miss Eva with me. OH MY was she glad she did! Miss Eva was walking up to me with her hand out oil on her fingers I was getting kind of scared finally she put her hands on me anointed me touching my forehead. I totally did not expect this. 
She said; "I see nothing, but brick walls." She was crying I saw tears running down her face she said; "It's pain and brick walls surrounding much protected hurt disappointments. I think these are mortal brick walls they have been put there by man. I see someday these walls will shatter fall like paper mache." 
No she said; "Jesus is showing me something else. Your bunky beside you all that is holding her back from being released having her baby beyond these walls is a place to stay. A place where she can be hooked up to a phone on home confinement and $100.00." The next day Miss Eva bonded her out to take her to stay with her and arranged for home confinement. 
There was no way Brenda could deny Jesus WAS real! Laura came into my room she was a small very pretty black lady with eyes swollen obviously tear stained. I said; "Aside from being in here there's more behind those eyes." I didn't push the issue. Most times one's problems and grief can make them turn away. 
I learned how these women who are great artist were surviving being indigent. One so good she had a lucrative business on the outside. She loved rock cocaine preferred the street or jail life over the pressures of owning a business. The jail officials chose her to do paintings drawings on jail walls. 
She was making hand made cards selling them to women with money in their accounts. I could learn to do this to get socks shampoos conditioners things I needed. I learned picked it up right away. Before long I had a little business or store. I would draw and color with the paper and colored pencils supplied by Tom and Judy. 
A couple came every few days set up huge speakers a stereo system filled the entire Nurture cell rocked all the cells. Women from all the cells all sides were invited to rock out to gospel music with them. Tom and Judy sold everything they owned to start running a recycling company to pay for equipment Bibles supplies and colored pencils they brought for the women.
Judy was once on the road singing in a rock band doing great. If you think Stevie Nicks is good you should hear her sing. Your soul and mind felt alive when you hear her close your eyes and enjoy her. They brought boxes of Bibles and colored pencils for the women making their way surviving off hand made cards. Judy and Tom laid their hands on this book blessed it. 
Both are young very enthusiastic in the Lord blessed with awesome talent. I was in the Chaplain's office listening to a conversation the Chaplain was having with the mayor I won't mention names. The Chaplain and the Mayor was talking about a pool party they were going to have that afternoon. They invited Tom and Judy. 
This is what impressed me led me to know believe they were real in Jesus. They turned down the party. They said; "They had a party going on with the women in here." They said; "This was what they were called by the Lord to do this was what they were going to do." 
I was selling hand made gorgeous cards with matching envelopes and stationary, Tylenols, Tagaments and anything I could spare from the indigent list people knocking on my door all the time. I wanted to have shampoos, socks, conditioners, enough snacks and candy to keep everyone in both cells fed taken care of and have enough for Micky and I when I get out.
I took food from my lunch and dinner plate to hide it for women who got hungry during the night. Tylenol was hard to get in here many women needed them for pain also it was a kind of replacement for street drugs. The only thing they could replace their addiction with in here. I no longer needed them nor wanted them for my pain. 
Many women in here have ulcers or stomach problems and could not get Tagaments nor any medications or things such as massengill infection cream or all things that were on the indigent list. I was making Christian cards many of my cards went to women who had no money or nothing to trade. I went to the visiting room one time. 
A friend felt sorry for me she set up a visit with a man who wreaked of alcohol and needless to say the visit was cut short. I didn't need nor want this in my life. It was Mother's day I looked around the room before I was walking out the door I saw in every families hand a card made by me! Mothers all over the place were holding up looking at or showing off the cards I made. 
This made everything I was doing worth it! I felt so good about that as if Jesus sent me to the visiting room to see this. I was trying to get up the largest amount of soaps, socks, shampoos, deodorants, conditioners everything I could when I got out this would keep Micky and I supplied after I get her and leave. 
I managed to get most of it to property stored enough supplies to last her and I till I could get on my feet able to buy that stuff. Time and time again however the officers confiscated everything dragging it out of the cell in front of all these women in huge garbage bags by the loads. I was not supposed to have anything being indigent. 
There were a lot of women who didn't want to pay for what they got from me they snitched on me. This was how I got Laura to open up talk about everything I was sharing everything I got with her till she knew or understood I was good people to trust and talk to. You have to pay close attention to this girl's story it's rough on the old heart. 
This was sad what kept happening to her! It was amazing how she brought herself out of all this saw the purpose it's just baffling for real. Her dad died before she came in so now she would not be allowed to attend the funeral. A couple days later her mom passed. She was almost in a trauma, but holding her own. 
A few days later the news her grandfather passed a few days after this the news of her grandmother's passing. When she heard about her mother passing she quit eating totally. She went into convulsions in the middle of the room. She could no longer hold her own. Could you imagine? I can. 
When she came in she was sentenced to prison no way out for her to learn before being sent off to prison you have no mother father nor grandparents to come home to. Dad mom and two grandparents dead alive when she was sentenced. A family she knew all her life will not be there when she gets out later in life. They were her life. 
I know should have thought before committing a crime she has no one to come home to. Her mind and body went into fits. Everyone was surrounding smothering trying to help. It was time for lock down. Since she was my bunky they made me carry her into our room. With everyone's help we got her to her bed which was right under mine. 
For weeks I force fed her taking from my breakfast lunch and dinner I fed her whatever I could get her to eat. The officers let me take food to my room for her. When she was coherent enough to sit up and eat on her own she thanked me for looking out for her. She started going to Bible classes and seminars with me. 
In the middle of the night with once again tear filled eyes scared to death they were taking her to go to prison. What I did for her she felt was God's way of bringing her to Him making her stronger sp she could in turn tell her story. She felt if He went with her she could make this long journey she had in front of her. NOW tell me something about your troubles or my Lord! 
Mary the first friend I met when I entered the system returned again. She came and went as did many over these last couple of years. I was always glad to see her. She was slowly dying of aides. You could see if she continued having sex drinking and doing drugs living on streets in fields she would die before God's time. It was showing in her face body and actions.
When the judge has before him anyone with aides anyone that person had sex with is considered attempted murder. I don't know this to be a fact this is what she told me. She had been in and out of here before and after me for many years still living on streets in fields doing rock cocaine prostituting, but kept her Faith with the Lord.
She started going before many classes in schools and in here. Telling everyone everything she learned and studied about aides. She felt this was her purpose her calling and reason behind her living every day knowing she is dying. It seemed a large percentage of women that comes in and out of jail systems have aides. 
Mary felt this to be her calling from the Lord knowing she has God's promise of Eternity. She wants to go to every classroom everywhere tell not only her story everything she has learned studied to tell of the Lord's love and Grace He has shown given her which for the life of me I couldn't see, but she could. 
He blessed her with the will and knowledge to bring something good out of this. God has given her a purpose worth everything to her a reason for this happening to her besides taking the blame alone. The first personal message sent by the Lord was through her to me "Be still wait on the Lord." 
He does have a purpose a heck of a reason for us no matter how bad it gets or how small it seems. I could not see a reason or purpose for my life or why I was put in this shell on this horrible earth, but I will "Be still Wait on the Lord." This is the third time I've written this book. Maybe it won't be the last fourth or fifth. 
I will just hope it won't get thrown away too many more times before it will end up with someone who wants the same purpose as the Lord me and these women want. I was called into the office after almost two years. I thought they were going to give me more bad news how much worse could it have gotten? I was surprised they were going to reclassify me. 
Change this horrible orange band to another color. That could help me get into Culinary. Before I leave I will finish Culinary with my experience Mr. Holmes Culinary instructor had no problem issuing to me. I was mostly in charge of cleaning the dining area making coffee for the women. 
Mr. Holmes thought and I agreed the teaching of Culinary Art's should be hands on for women who need it since I have this experience already I could do something else. The Culinary certificate may not mean much to the high class people or society where it was acquired I am none the less proud of it. 
It may not get me anywhere in life I may never have the opportunity to put it to use it's still mine. I could never afford to get one on the outside in the real world. Next day something unexpected happened. I didn't have much time left I was hoping praying after two years it should finally be over soon or getting close. I was called into the visiting room. 
Who could it be no one cares anymore no one knows I didn't go to prison. Everyone thinks I'm in prison. I don't have any family that's out of the question. Who could it be? I've never been to the visiting room except the incident with that drunk man. I sat at a table alone while the officer went to get my visitors. The officers were keeping a secret acting strange. 
Everyone was looking at me curious as to who could be coming to see Mary? The officers knew before I did. My visitors told them who they were. I almost walked back to my room several times. I didn't want any visitors no matter who they were. Just as I was going to go back to my room I looked up got a good look when they walked in I was going back to my room.
I told the officers I don't know these people take me back. I don't want visitors who's sick joke? I didn't recognize them. The women was very pretty with shoulder length curly blonde hair the guy with his big cowboy hat gave me a big hug both together said; "They were my sister and brother!" This was when we still had visits in rooms where there were tables and chairs. 
You could hug your people one time on entrance. From then on you could hold their hands and sit across from them. It was Darlene, my baby sister with my brother, Ezra Daniel. We broke down crying of course. I didn't know what my sister or brother looked like. Why now in a jail house uniform? They said; "They hired a detective years ago to find me they just located me." 
I loved them so much when we were children loved them all these years never thought we would see each other ever had put it all totally out of my mind. I had family a brother and sister that were alive that love me I got visitors. It took a while for all this to sink in after thinking about it all for the longest time. 
I even had the thought maybe they wasn't who they said and were agents or I don't know I just know it was really wild to see them after all the years of being separated. There were many hard days and nights spent in many jails over the years. Officers picked on me trying me taking away everything I worked for. 
One morning the officer or CO that picked on me the most was here. I thought oh boy this is going to be a rough day. No one knew what was going to happen next not even me. I thought this could not be happening. Everyone was out of the cell for the day she was the only officer on duty I was the only inmate. 
I had been talking with Randy who was the head of home confinement or of officers for months. He told me the Lord drew him to me in a strange way brought me to his attention. Over the last few months Randy had been coming here talking with me. We became good Christian friends. Between him and I you could feel the Holy Spirit's presence. 
Randy told me how it happened he found my request for home confinement laying on top of his desk he entered it in the computer threw it away. He looked down there on the top was another one with my name on it on the top of the stack. He did the same thing he entered it threw it away. 
He went for a cup of coffee when he returned there it was again on top of hundreds of request. He did it again left the office returned there it was again. He said; "Ok ok it's you doing this God I have to meet this woman." We all filled out tons of request for home confinement or house arrest rarely are the request ever read or acknowledged. 
We talked about everything under the sun. Many women tried to get him to talk with him during our conversations he turned them away telling them he came to visit with me. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about. He was a wonderful Christian man a great conversationalist. We talked about the Lord like it was an addiction to both of us.
We promised to stay in contact with each other. Things don't always work out the way you see it at that moment no promise is vulnerable to keeping. He came that morning when I was all alone with that mean officer. I thought we were going to visit together. In front of that officer who hated me so much no he came to get me out release me on Home confinement. 
This would mean I had to live my life with a box on my leg around my ankle for two years. I didn't have to go to work release I skipped that part of my sentence when I was sent back did the time in jail instead. Still a long hard road ahead. 
I was looking forward to seeing day light look into the sun feel the air wrapping around me feel see smell the rain see stars and moon appreciate things of nature for many drugged up drunk years I could not feel see smell nor appreciate the Blessings I missed all those wasted years. 
To walk free more or less past the officer that hated me who had taken from me more than personal belongings. She took what they took when I entered the system which was my right to be a human or to be in society my self worth and dignity. She was surprised as I was Randy came to release me.
I'm not saying, "I won't make more mistakes in life I do know I won't make the same ones that neither can be a sound promise." I won't throw my Bible in the trash can on my way out I won't throw my book in the trash can on the way out either. 
Before I tell you what happened after I left the system I want to tell you one more story that happened during my stay here I feel very important as to how strange the Lord works. Actually there are three more things or stories important to me before I finally leave the system for the last time prayerfully. 
There are probably many I am forgetting long as the important stuff is here for your journey walk relationship with Jesus. The real world as society would have it is not necessarily on the outside of these mortar brick concrete and steal walls. Reality is inside of you jail house religion is reality this is where I met got to know Jesus. 
One night lying quiet still on my back I felt a strange presence. Something or someone a presence not human gently forged it's way into my body. It was the Holy spirit quietly gently entering into His clean temple. Like He promised He went ahead of me to make a better place. I stayed still all night scared if I were to move He would leave or maybe fall out just kidding. 
No He was moving into His temple to stay. I did "Be still and wait on the Lord." One class was "Life Learning Skills." Everyday we create life situations concerning drugs violence alcohol child birth or prostitution. Even situations simple like shopping raising children counting money or budgeting. Valerie, Margaret, Sue and I made ours up. 
I was the girlfriend Valerie was my boyfriend Margaret the father that left Sue the mother.
*A JAIL HOUSE SKIT HOW BOUT-BY SUE-; 
Valerie {*boyfriend} me (*girlfriend) were skipping classes to do
coke. We rolled up something similar to a joint painted the end to
make it look like it was burning. I went to my room to get baby
powder this was to be the coke. Sue {*mom} Margaret {*dad} went
to work. Sue {*mom} was coming home unsuspected. Valerie
{*boyfriend} laid out the cocaine on the table while I (*girlfriend)
was rolling up the pretend dollar to snort the coke. Before we got
any further I saw Valerie {*boy friend} lay out the lines. Cocaine
was laid out everywhere you'll never guess what happened. Everyone
in the class freaked out. I (*girlfriend) went off just flipped
totally out and blew the pretend cocaine all over everyone.
*HOW BOUT-SUE-
*Something came over me like an immense disgust total hate for cocaine and what it has done to me. What it has done to everyone and what it has taken from me and what it has taken from everyone. I was not in my right mind I wanted to take everything out on pretend coke. Needless to say we didn't finish the skit I blew the coke all over the room all over everyone! 
It was hilarious I knew I was over this stuff through with drugs forever. My hate for drugs and alcohol was a furious hate it had taken over me. I thought I was on top of things making a killing I was in control having so much coke trip and weed most average people don't get to see AND it being 98% eehaw! Or was it all controlling me? 
My dream became a sweet reality then it was my nightmare and ending, but I couldn't see it for the greed of it all. Hate and rage from everything I took it out on pretend coke. I was in tears looking down at the very thing that took my life belonging's, my children, husbands and friends and almost cost me the ultimate cost of my soul and salvation. 
I gotta admit my soul was into it pretty deep too. It became a new day and beginning I still couldn't see anything else, but terrible things still happening every day. A nurse I had seen a couple of times Nurse Grace looked familiar. I told her the story of a nurse in Bradenton who took care of me for two years while I was in the suicidal tank. 
She issued me the pills I overdosed on. She said; "I am that nurse I knew who you were. I lost my job over that I'm not sorry nor bitter I hated that job I love this job It was meant to be." Is that ironic or what? Going through the food line I saw a large piece of cake I wanted to give this huge piece of cake to someone. 
I know how much these women love to get something extra or free and crave sweets. I touched the plate in front of it. A cute black lady was behind me. Totally natural white hair. Candice was as cute and adorable as can be. She went off because she wanted that huge piece of cake. 
She said; "No you touched the plate in front of that you have to take that one." It's easy to make me cry anymore I've been through so much always afraid of where my anger will take me. We got into a huge fight over it I took my tray gave it all away then left went to my room too scared and hurt to eat. I wasn't sleeping though I thought I was I was awake. 
I was in my room alone I heard and saw the cute black lady Candice say, "I'm sorry for all I've said I didn't realize you wanted to give that to someone. Do you except my apology?" I got up there was a film over my eyes clearing as I walked down the stairs. Candice was standing at the bottom of the stairs. I was scared. 
She repeated the exact same words exactly as I just heard them or visioned them in my room a moment before. You don't think my eyes didn't get big? What a shockarooni. Candice went to work release. How I know I saw her talked with her the day I spent there. A few days before Randy came to get me I had another dream or was it a vision? 
Any mother who has lost children could relate and understand what I was feeling how it could be so real to me. A lot of children fall asleep in a tub of warm bath water. Micky fell asleep in the tub I went to get her. Her body was totally white and limp. Her lips looked like a dead person in a casket. She had no color to her body or face. She was not breathing no pulse no nothing. 
I was frantic the next morning no way of contacting anyone from the outside world to find out if she was alright. For all practical purposes I went through the entire day crying worried. Miss. Ruthie who used to be Chaplain of the Nurture cell now Chaplain over lock down and old Annex building came to my room. 
I had been praying to Jesus all day for some way of contacting someone to find out if she was alright. Out of desperation I knew in the Catholic churches they prayed talked to Mother Mary. I prayed to Mary asking her to please intercede between her son and I talk to your son on my behalf I was asking her. I need to know hear Micky's voice. 
I believed Mother Mary being a mother too would hear me act as a mediator between her son and I. Miss Ruthie pulled me from my cell told me to come with her to her office. She let me dial the house where Micky and Billy were now at and talk with Micky. 
I didn't know the meaning or purpose for this dream or vision I knew somehow my Lord had something to do with it or was it Mother Mary who put it in Miss Ruthie's heart to help me make that phone call to ease my mind and heart. I was so thankful awed at getting to talk to Micky. These visions or dreams I had were not the only ones there have been many. 
Before I went to work release I had another dream or vision. I escaped from work release running extremely fast. I wanted to get to Micky get just one hug before they catch find me to take me back for escape. No matter how fast I ran nor how close to the house I got I still could not get to the house. I could see the house a few feet away. 
Like the vision or dream about going to prison there was an invisible barricade stopping me from getting past that point I could not get through. It was like dashing at a wall hitting it head on I could not get past it. Officers behind me chasing me they finally caught up with me. I could see the house and see Micky, but could not get through. 
I think this was God's way of letting me know something to do with escaping was going to prevent me from going home to visit. I would not get to be with Micky this is what happened. I was taken back into custody that day charging me with another charge. An attempt to escape charge. Spent another six months. Randy came to get me that morning. 
I waited in another building while they ran down the rules of home confinement at the same time putting that box on my leg. Randy told me they were hooking me up with the senior home confinement officer in my area Steve. Randy said; "He was a good man a fair man good with helping people get their lives back together easy going patient to work with you. 
If I had problems he would be easy to talk to work with me. He would be perfect and would help me boy did he help me!" They brought all my stuff up from property. I was worried concerned curious and anxious to see if the book made it safely and all there. Steve was amazed at how much property there was. It filled up the back of his car and the trunk. 
He drove me to the house where Billy and Micky were staying. Billy lost the truck property house furniture appliances my clothes his clothes and Micky's clothes. There was now a repossession and foreclosure on my credit before I even got started with my new life. I had to be released in a jail house uniform remember I had no clothes. 
Steve was taking me first to the house to hook up the box on my leg to the phone so they could monitor me from Steve's box and the home confinement office. All that was on my mind at that moment was a little girl I seen a moment before who was sitting on Murial's front steps skinny dirty and crying. She looked like Micky I wasn't sure dirty unhealthy and unhappy. 
I was praying it was her why did she look so unhealthy? I walked into the house of course it wreaked of alcohol this was the worse I've seen Billy living. No floors doors glass or screens for the windows dishes piled everywhere gnats flying around roaches crawling everywhere. Flies mosquitos bees and wasps swarmed everywhere. Floors were too nasty to think about walking on. 
Water coming out of the pipes was brown. This is the Billy I knew can't clean his nasty ass up. My fish, Fred a Jack Dempsey I bought years before when I first went to work for Lee Rd. Denny's was sitting in the corner in a tank so low on water with green nasty slime all over the tank dirty with no filtering system no air bubbles was surviving still alive. 
Fred knew who I was he jumped out of his tank. I said; "Hi Fred I'm home now I'll get ya hooked up." He survived amazing I thought. Fred was a baby when I bought him. He's huge now. I had not seen signs of an adult anywhere yet several kids were coming in and out of the house. The refrigerator was full of moldy standing water in the freezer and below. 
Besides a milk jug of beer this was all that was in there. The water had been there for quite some time. There were bugs flying around inside it didn't even work. No food in none of the cabinets maggots everywhere. There was a small TV in one corner where a dirty beer stained cigarette burned couch was in another corner. 
No beds anywhere except one mattress on one floor covered with roaches and flying insects coming from the window with no glass nor screen. No blankets nor sheets no clothes for Micky anywhere. The mattress wreaked covered with evidence of sex blood alcohol stains and cigarette burns. The stench of beer and alcohol wreaked about the entire house. 
The tub was black as was the rest of the tiny bathroom. Water was nasty looking that came out. I saw no soap shampoo or conditioner for Micky no evidence a child lived here. How could the HRS miss this? Why didn't the HRS do a follow up or come back later to investigate? How could they drop it with just one visit find anything out? 
How many times has the HRS/DCF harassed investigated and invaded my home? They still do even now years down the road at this point I have on record five investigations all successfully closed judges still recognize this as being very bad looking on me. In essence they investigate harass good people ignore the sick infested children abused and starving. What a society we have!
Did he expect me to live like this again how could this man live this way with a child to take care of? I shook my head embarrassed while Berry hooked up the monitoring device thinking I hope this man doesn't say, "I can't live like this" take me back to jail. I hope this man doesn't think I live like this. 
My concern at that moment was hurry up get this hooked up I want to see if that is Micky over there before she leaves or something happens I miss her and she goes to play somewhere in the neighborhood. When he was through I asked if I could go next door to see if that was my daughter. He said; "Yes of course." He stayed to watch see if it was her.
I didn't know how far I could go before that machine would register me out of range. I got closer the little girl was still crying. I still wasn't sure if this was my little girl. I stooped down eye level with her. I said; "Why are you crying?" She looked straight in my face was in my arm's yelling mommy, mommy your home your back! 
She said; "Murial was always yelling at her making her clean her house she was mean to her." She said; "She wanted to ride that big bike Murial wouldn't let her nor could she do it alone." I helped her onto the bike rode her to the house next door. Murial looked out she said; "Where do you think your going with that kid?" I said; "She's mine I'm taking her!" 
I had not noticed Steve still waiting watching. I only wanted Micky! Steve waved bye knowing I had a lot of catching up. One of the first things Micky wanted to do was show me her secret praying spot no one knew she would go lie face down in the dirt to pray for her mommy to come home. Micky has had no Bible studies no classes no learning or teaching of the Lord Jesus.
How would she have known to pray like this? This was how the Israelites prayed which was face down in the dirt! Micky had been staying with Murial a lot mostly roaming the streets of the neighborhood bumming food or drinks. Neighbors even Terry and Murial had been taking care of Micky clothing and feeding her.
Micky had done the best she could to survive. Murial said; "I keep clothes at my house for Micky." As did all the neighbors to keep Billy from trashing them. They said; "Micky can't rely on her dad for anything." They should have known this before they busted me bust him instead. 
He was never there always at bars or friends drinking while Micky roamed the streets begging for food and something to drink. None of the neighbors even Terry or Murial had any problem helping a little girl who was not old enough to know what happened to her and her mommy. 
How about they could have thought all this out before busting me bust that piece of shit dad of her's maybe I would have still come to Jesus. To me they caused all this along with her piece of shit dad. The very people taking care of her or not were the ones who turned me in set me up with the D.E.A. took her mommy away.
Micky told me stories of how she watched her dad doing nasty things with women and Tammy. He threw a pillow at her to get her out of the room. She said; "She saw Tammy's head going up and down on her dad." HOW CAN HRS/DCF MISS THIS? She was so unhealthy pitiful to hold scrawny and bony.
I could not believe this man has done this to my child the borrowed soul God loaned me! Yet when women go to jail HRS is quick to take their children. Yet these asses didn't see this? Bastards Kiss My Ass! Your quick to judge someone for going to jail. You come into people's home to destroy innocent mothers. Fuck you. Yet you miss a situation such as this?
My daughter is living in a barn with no food no clothes alcoholic drug addicts and snitches watching her. Yes I was a drug addict and alcoholic also above all things I was a good MOTHER! I started in my mind putting together some kind of plan to get her and I out of this situation away from alcohol drugs and other women. I needed a job get money stashed. 
I had no choice, but to act like I didn't know who was involved in setting me up. I had to pay Murial to watch Micky while I go back to work. I went to Mr. Aloma the one who owned the Franchise Denny's on Semeron Blvd. I do believe these days he owns a lot of Denny's. It was a 40 mile walk there 40 mile walk back. For a year I walked every step of the way there and back.
Steve knew how long it took me to walk there and back worked with me on this. As long as the monitoring was consistent with what I said. Billy had an old truck he was always too drunk to drive me to work. He was always passed out by then or at someone's house or bars getting drunk or with Tammy getting drunk. 
When I got out of jail Billy saw me the first day he hugged me acted as though he was proud happy to have me home. Hugging me like he missed me wanted me back. This was the same man I tolerated abuse from all those years? Who kept putting felony charges on me? Who kept turning me in to the law time and again? Who did not want a baby? 
Who went with women kicked me out in the streets all those years? Who moved Tammy in the day I was hauled off? Who fought me those years over alcohol and drugs? Who told me I need to get used to adjust to jail life I was going to prison for life? Who wanted a divorce? Who blocked my calls so I could not talk to Micky? Who kept my daughter from me the last two years?
Who planned to take everything and my daughter prove me unfit say, "I abandoned my daughter?" Who hated his daughter? Who lost my house truck property now I have the bad credit? Who worked with everyone and D.E.A. to see it to it me his wife spent life in prison? Who is starving my daughter making her live like a rat? 
Who is standing here hugging me telling me how happy he was I was home now everything would be alright? I didn't blink an eye nor miss a cue on acting it all out. Yes sweetie pie darling dumpling honey bun I'm gonna get you Bastard! That's what I was thinking, but couldn't say it. I had to ask God's forgiveness for hating someone so much! 
I went along with what ever I had to get my daughter out of this nightmare she had been living in. It wasn't long before Billy was staying out most nights fighting over whether or not to pay the bills or let him continue using all the money for alcohol and drugs. He hated being home hated his daughter and me.
I would not go along with giving him all the money anymore. Keep in mind my hate anger and feelings towards drugs and alcohol at this point. It wasn't the fact I had been clean and sober for a long time on home confinement being tested monitored it was the fact I had taken Jesus out that jail house door with me. 
Billy was a cook at a restaurant where the owners and cooks were all brothers and had been Denny's cooks with us at different stores for many years way before it all went down we both worked for them. They were so good to us. We had all been serious party buddies for many years we cleaned up after everyone taking care of each other. 
Three brothers bought a restaurant named it Bob's restaurant it's on Orange Blossom Trail and Oakridge in Orlando, Florida. Some of these restaurants I've been talking about throughout my life are famous. One night at work Mr. Aloma's brother was managing I was relieving swing shift. 
There was no stock on the line the line trashed as usual I was used to this, but was aggravated angry I would never say anything. All my years with Denny's it would take me all night to do my volume set the line up for day shift clean and stock after the other cooks leave the line to me un-stocked and unclean. 
Mr. Aloma's brother started yelling at me the line was trashed and un stocked. I said; "How do you expect me to have the line clean and stocked when I just got here?" He still yelled at me all night. He's Iranian this is how he talks why do you not have baked potatoes? I said; "You nor the previous cook left me any I do have them now." 
A few minutes later why do you not have any vegetables cooked off? I said; "You and the previous cook did not leave me any I do have them now." A few minutes later why is the line still un stocked? I said; "Because you and the previous cook left it to me this way I'm stocking it now." A few minutes later why do you not have the line cleaned? 
I said; "You and the previous cook left it to me like this I'm cleaning it now." He yelled at me all through the night. In the middle of the night I could not take him yelling anymore. Instead of arguing or fighting with him which was a useless fight going against a manager you never win. I walked out the back door got fired again. Orange Blossom Trail Denny's hired me. 
I had been there about a year or so never called in never late stay on day shift any days they need me. One night I did a $6,000.00 shift by myself. Sold so many pots of grits it was unreal by myself. Dick the manager on duty refused to come back and help me. He did of course have his hands full with the front of the house, but I was out numbered by him and servers.
He had plenty help to run the front of the house without him. One hour before my shift was over there was no way I could get the line cleaned in time for day shift. I had it cleaned at one point, but kept getting hit. I always clean as I go no matter how high the volume is, but this night was pure hell! I thought it looked pretty good considering the volume and chaos. 
The volume was still flowing in. I asked him to please come back at least pop another pan of grits on for me. I was getting really tired of the pace I kept up all night by myself. I was so beat tired, but proud I done that kind of shift by myself not lose no ticket time nor presentation. He said; "No I won't help." I was so mad I went out front sat down to calm down.
The son of the part owner from the Alafaya store Jeff came in to rescue me. His dad is the one that told me many years ago after working for him for three years full time there and at Mr. Aloma's full time for three years, on the last day of my two week notice if I left to never come back remember that story? 
Jeff was sitting at the counter talking to me trying to cop drugs. He went back on the line to help clean. I trained Jeff at Lee Rd. Denny's. Dick fired me for having another cook on the line from another store not clocking out on time not having the line cleaned and stocked on time. Bob owner of Bob's family restaurant where Billy worked hired me to wash dishes for him.
I didn't have to walk to work anymore. Billy could drive me to work. Still how would I get Micky and I out of this situation? Billy was stealing my money what he didn't steal from me we fought over till I got tired of fighting usually give it to him. I started coming in to work early making hand made cards and posters I learned this in jail remember. 
I started selling them at the bar Billy was hanging out in. The owner's of bars was buying them too. Billy was holding the cards and money. He piled up the dish room so it would take me longer to get out thus give him more time in the bars. He would haul ass to the bars hours before I got off work. 
By the time I got off work he sold most of my cards posters and drank up the money never had none left to give me. We didn't make enough money to get Missy anything to eat Billy was a cook for goodness sake. Everyday I asked him at the beginning of the day will you please cook something for Micky for dinner tonight. He said; "No" everyday hauled ass to the bar. 
I had to swallow my pride ask Bob to cook something for her. Bob always fixed me up with a care package everyday for Micky. Billy was glad to help eat most of it. Never enough for all of us I do without mostly so there would be enough for Billy and Micky. Billy didn't care if either of us had anything as long as he got beer. 
It was embarrassing for me to ask Bob everyday for my kid something to eat. Bob always said; "Your a cook go back there and cook it." I would not go on Bob's line. I knew how he felt about someone who was not technically trained going on his line. I knew the line well what line did I not know well? They are all basically the same yet out of respect I would not do this. 
I had to be ashamed swallow my pride be embarrassed ask Bob everyday. Bob and Tina at Bob's Family Restaurant ya gotta eat there these people are awesome their food and company. OBT & Oakridge Rd. Orlando, Florida. Fights between Billy and I got worse as time went on no money to get out with no where to go if I did have money. 
Everyday he drank up the money then fight to get more to get beer to take home. We went to his friend's house a woman's house every night before we went home. He sat in there for hours drinking talking with them. I didn't know at the time I do now they were doing crack cocaine while I sit in the truck on home confinement. 
He wanted to fuck Dee she was a bartender at the bar he hang out. I sat in the truck every afternoon with a Home Confinement time limit on me. I called Steve told him the situation I was in. I was sitting in the truck every night while Billy stayed in bars later I stay in the truck while he drinks at the houses of his friends or the woman Billy wanted to fuck. 
If we wasn't sitting at Dee's waiting for them to finish drinking he would be sitting in a bar somewhere I had to wait on them or him. If we were at home he never was. He was always going to bars or friends and staying most nights. He was just totally useless to me. 
Steve believed in me worked with me on this he knew I would not mess up getting to be with Micky and lose my freedom again. I just clammed up would no longer fight no longer give him any of my money. If he drank up his money oh well! He was no longer getting a cent of my money. I wouldn't talk to him either not a word. 
He kept saying, "You used to have a little fire about you some spunk would fight back what happened?" I said; "Your not worth my breath!" Someway I didn't care at this point how Micky and I had to get out! He said; something the next day that made my decision easier. He said; "Micky and I was not worth quitting drinking for." 
This didn't really surprise me nor affect me all that much. What he said next is what got me. He said; "Not even God was worth quitting drinking for." I think this was when God said; "Oh yeah that's how you feel?" Billy started getting really sick losing his voice in a lot of pain all the time. Taking tons upon tons of aspirins. 
He liked the BC powders which I think irritated his throat worse. A big cyst was forming on his neck. I thought God will get you for that! I thought it wasn't all that bad what he said about Micky and I it was the lowest form of human who would say something like that about the Lord. 
Servers cooks even the owners talked to me for quite a while trying to talk me into getting away from Billy. They knew how he was how he lived. I finally agreed said; "I guess it's now or never." Jody gave me the keys to her apartment said; "Now is the time get Steve to go get Micky you and her get out." Steve agreed to help and wait out back. 
Bob and Tina, the owners and the head cook, Keith which was my best friend and Bob and Tina's brother and the servers agreed to keep Billy occupied. I was scared Billy kept watching giving me the evil eye constantly asking from afar what was happening wanting to know what was going on. 
Steve went out the front door like nothing was going on we were through with the interview. I pretended I was taking trash to the dumpster. I got in Steve's county car stopped at the truck to grab my Harley jacket and took off. Finally I was away from that scum where and what do I do now where do I go from here? 
I just quit my job again had no where to go except Jody's house which I wasn't comfortable with for some reason didn't have much money why again were we doing this? Oh yeah to get out of living like a rat. Steve took me to get what few clothes we owned. I had gotten a lot of suitcases before hand in case the opportunity came we could get out.
Billy kept asking for the longest time why did I keep collecting suitcases was I planning on going somewhere? I kept saying, "No they were free really neat and just in case we go camping or something similar." I loaded them up with what few pathetic items of clothing we owned went around the corner to Terry's to get Micky Steve took us out of the county to Jody's apartment.
Now remember what happened while the SWAT team D.E.A. busted me? Terry had been driving a tractor back and forth in front of the house all morning. I had the feeling all that morning there was more to what he was doing than spying on me naked in my pool. Later he showed up was allowed without any questions to walk off with Micky. 
Now it was my turn Terry had no clue what was going on. Just a home confinement officer and Micky's mother coming to pick her up no big deal. Steve deactivated the box on my leg so no one would know in the main office I was out of the county. Steve took me out of the county without permission from anyone in the home confinement office. 
I registered Micky into school in that county then walked for miles far as I could to find somewhere to work. It was in no where land. Not knowing exactly where I was or where anything was didn't help the matter any. I already filled you in on that part of what happened in one no where land with no jobs in Ashland, KY. Getting desperate I needed to find the AFDC office.
Turns out it was 50 miles or so way out in the country. Steve agreed to take us there drop us off. Normally you know how hard it is to get in any of those offices without first waiting for months for an appointment just to talk with them. After talking with one lady for hours trying to explain. 
There was never any food or anything to drink at the house for Micky and I or even Billy for that matter except beer. He ate while he was cooking on the line at the bars too. How was it two working parents couldn't afford food drinks clothes or any of our bills? We were paying Murial a fortune to watch her. She wanted more money each month she raised the rate. 
A lot of the waitresses at Bob's went out drinking partying talking in afternoons. They made fun of Billy talking about his stringy ugly hair and how sweat and greas in his hair was hanging in his face and eyes and dripping in the food they had to serve. 
They were talking about how nasty he was how much he sweated and it dripped into the food how much he drank how much his body wreaked with sweat and alcohol he smelled gross like he's rotting from the inside. He rarely brushed his teeth. They wasn't worth brushing though they were all horribly crooked what few there was rotted out. 
That was one reason I would never kiss him. He always gave me pecks on the head he knew why I wouldn't ever kiss him, but it was never really talked about. We have never hugged nor have we ever actually slept in a bed together never any affection nor foreplay. This marriage had been SO not worth it. Concerning sex that was a joke from day one. 
First off he's small in the penis department. Second he has no idea how to treat a woman in the inside or outside the bedroom. Third he can't last, but only a few minutes actually thinks your happy satisfied he's content with the job he's done. What a joke he was in the bedroom in life even as a father he sucked.
I always thought every time he was interested in Sherry, his ex or in anyone, wait till she finds out how lousy he is in the sack! He never cut his nasty sweaty hair which was thinning fast over the years. The servers talked of how they felt sorry for Micky and I. I talked to them made friends with one of them and her mother. 
Jody and her mom kept telling me you need to get that kid out of that mess away from him. Jody said; "If it got too bad she would give me the keys to her apartment Micky and I could stay with her." She lived in another county. There was only one restaurant within 40 miles or so of where Jody lived I had no transportation. 
I did walk there to get an interview more than willing to walk there every day. They had no openings on any shift. I walked for miles in both directions there were no other restaurants near I could work for. I'm a cook I trained hard to be one took a lot of test for the state county health department even Denny's test their cooks periodically. 
I was certified through Denny's as a manager and cook trainer. My point being is I didn't want to work for K-mart, Wal-mart, McDonald's etc... or anywhere else similar for that matter. I would do what I have to do if I could find no where to work at. Maybe this is why Jody and her mom work at Bob's all the way in Orlando. There was one big lot's near they were not hiring. 
I was getting desperate enough to take a dishwashers job or maid job couldn't find a position open anywhere for those positions either. There wasn't any job choices in the area. This is what happened before we went to Jody's house at the restaurant. Steve came to check on me at the restaurant we talked for a long time. 
Billy and I had been fighting for days he drank up all the money. All I had left was half of the rent money. He wanted to party at the bar the next night to shoot darts. I had the feeling this was going to get violent if I quit feeding into his addictions. While Steve and I were talking Billy kept watching intently not doing his job at all. 
He was trying to hear as much as possible about the conversation Steve and I were having. Why was Steve so concerned being understanding as he could without jeopardizing his career. I couldn't understand why all of a sudden Steve wanted to know more detail about what was going on between Billy and me. 
Out of no where he said; "Do you want out of this situation do you want to leave him?" I'll help you if you do if you don't leave him I can't help much other than being lenient understanding concerning that box around your leg. Jody and her mom was sitting with us listening joining in on the conversation. Steve eventually took me to Jody's in another county. 
Back at the AFDC office the lady finally said; "If you are willing to stay here all day wait it out I will try to get you at least emergency food stamps." I agreed. There was a big field next door Micky and I waited in that field all day in the hot sun. Going in and out of the office once in awhile to let her know we were still there alive and waiting. 
Before the offices were closing that lady had emergency food stamps ready in my hand the paperwork done to start receiving help she got us qualified for help. Now I had to figure out where I was way out here in the country nowhere land again there was nothing around them for many miles. I knew Jody would try to get as much rent out of me as possible. 
She has a little boy they are both high maintenance. Micky and I walked for miles ready to give up turn around start walking for miles the other way thinking maybe we went the wrong way. After walking for miles the other way I was glad to see a car finally come pass. I put out my thumb asking for a ride it was Jody. Jody got worried. 
I love coffee she saw there had been no coffee going at the apartment went looking for us pulled up as Micky was getting too tired to go any further. She would have though she's a real trooper. Most children like the mother will stick by you no matter what. Micky and I cleaned her apartment during the day and did her laundry. 
When she returned home after working with Billy she would catch us up on the gossip what was being said by Billy and everyone else in the restaurant. She started complaining saying, "The apartment was not clean." To avoid fighting or arguing with her Micky and I stayed all day everyday what time she wasn't in school locked up in her spare room. 
I had an old manual typewriter I started working retyping my book. This would be the fourth time the book was rewritten I think I've lost count. We could not would not come out of that room. It was bad for Micky to stay locked in there all day. There were no toys dolls radios TV books bed sheets blankets computer nor nothing to entertain her or occupy her. 
She did it with nothing for her to do except watch me type without complaining. When she got home from school I would take her to the play ground for a few hours to get her out of the room for a bit. Jody was complaining all the time. She was dating an officer stayed in the other parts of her apartment doing cocaine with him. 
I did not want Micky nor me involved in this. She kept buying new clothes and shoes for her and her son showing them off to me telling me wouldn't you like to be able to do this for Micky? Don't you wish you could have nice things like this? Micky and I kept our suitcases packed lived out of them in case we could find a way to get out of this situation. 
Getting ahead of the story I want to tell about this before I forget. I just recently was told by my best friend Keith who is the breakfast cook at Bob's and Bob's brother that Jody was shot killed by her police husband she married the officer she was doing coke with. 
Steve came to check on me while Micky was at school everyday he came to check on me and talk for awhile he was a great conversationalist. He said; "He liked me all along felt bad about everything I'd been through and going through. He wanted to help in any way he could use any pull he had to help me." 
He called a lot of agencies trying to locate a suitable place for Micky and I to go to such as a shelter or something of the sort. I need an alarm with an obnoxious sound saying, "Warning heart jerker incoming!" One day Steve just came out and said; "If it was ok with me he thinks I could use a hug." He put his arms around me gently not forcing or scaring me away. 
I didn't quite know what to think of all this I was leery scared nervous surprised and puzzled, but felt complimented he's a very handsome man extremely refined looking. He seemed to be sincere understanding I had not had that feeling for many years. 
All my year's I have looked for a man who would hold me a certain way I would know he was the right man I keep getting reality confused with that Cinderella story. The last time was with Jeff before that Coleman. It was the most awesome feeling a woman can feel is a man's arms wrapped around. 
Not even Steve had that special hold I am still searching for it's still awesome to feel a man's arm's around you! With Jeff I missed out on being with someone who returned my feelings. We had a blast together. He had an awesome sense of humor wanted nothing except to smother me be with me at all times. Billy had kicked me out again. 
I met Jeff when I went home with another man from a bar. The other man's girlfriend showed up I was to pretend to be Jeff's girlfriend. After being a little baffled confused why this man would bring me to his house fuck the hell out of me all night invite me to be their room-mate then have his girlfriend show up. What the hell was this shit?
After watching them cuddling making out in front of Jeff and me for awhile knowing he felt really awkward too. He was trying to get his girlie friend to leave so we could continue what we were doing. I was thinking how sleazy could one treat two women? To be a real smart ass I kept turning to Jeff started talking with him joking around with him. 
I thought Jeff and I were really having a good time together making fun of their raunchy asses. We were having a blast forgot those other two jerks were in the universe. I was thinking wow why wasn't you the one that picked me up at the bar last night? How sleazy is this going to look if I want to get even with ole Romeo over there have a little fun with it all? 
Oh what the hell I thought go for it. Jeff is young hyper makes good money a lot of fun. Damn did I have the wrong guy! Romeo was getting jealous couldn't do anything about it in front of his girlie friend. Ballsy me I asked Jeff if he wanted to take a bath smoke a joint with me. He said; "HELL YEAH!" We went to take a tub together had a blast fell deeply in love. 
It was so good with us. I cooked at Olive Gardens for over three years. He was a painter to be around me he quit his job I got him a job there. We had a blast working together going to bars in the afternoons we never got tired of each other so much love to give this man had. The only fight we had wasn't really a fight turned out funny though I did pay a high price. 
They asked at work for one to work the other go home. At first I was in the car backing out to leave he was staying to work. After I saw he was willing to work for me I agreed to work. Jeff was supposed to pick me up after hours of waiting drinking beer at the bar with the other cooks and managers he never showed up. We worked and lived in different counties. 
I gave up started walking so upset I wouldn't except rides from anyone I wanted to stop at bars along the way hoping he would be coming see me on the road. I made it there he had been asleep woke up an hour or so before he realized he was supposed to pick me up. Sex was awesome with Jeff. 
He held hands, cuddled and was fun to be with we had an awesome time together at bars, home, stores even work was fun with Jeff. Even though sex was awesome with him so was other times. I was thinking maybe this doesn't really happen with women. He was awesome and knew other ways of getting the job done. 
He had a case of beer in the fridge a gorgeous meal of cordon bleu he made himself for me to apologize for falling asleep forgetting about me and a baseball bat behind his back to hit him with in case I would not accept his apology. He was so cute the way he did things. I loved him so much I couldn't be mad. 
Billy kicked Sherry out dumb blonde that I am went to see Billy talking with him. He wanted to get back together. I didn't. I couldn't stand Billy sex was still boring lousy between us. I have no idea or good reason behind leaving a man like Jeff for scum like Billy, but I did. Walking out of Olive Gardens Jeff's and my arms were around each other Billy was outside. 
I didn't take Billy serious I didn't think he did either I didn't think he would show up here so soon. I was put on the spot didn't know what to say or do. He forced me to let loose of Jeff and come with him. Tear's in both our eyes I slowly let loose of Jeff losing his Faith in me totally. I could see the hurt confused look on his face. 
He had no idea I had been having sex with Billy. What a lowlife thing I did to a wonderful man. I shattered our life together probably Jeff's faith in women went with it. What a price I paid I traded a good relationship to get back into a nightmare. It was Halloween my favorite holiday a bunch of employees went to a few Sport's bars to dance, drink and party. 
I was escorted everywhere by Billy. Jeff was with one of the waitresses. Jeff was jealous so was I, but couldn't say anything. Billy was only a drunken embarrassment made a fool out of his self everywhere. Jeff and I sat at a table in the bar across from each other staring wanting to be together while Billy danced with the waitress that was Jeff's date. 
Neither one of us cared anymore! The next time Billy kicked me out I called Jeff to see if we could rekindle what we had. He said; "He would never be with me again." In his mind I would always go back with Billy he didn't want to be hurt like that again. He went on to be a chef married a woman with two little girls. I pushed him and encouraged him to do this.
I was basking in accepting Steve's hug. When he left that day after he got out the door I felt so good complimented impressed that such a good looking well dressed refined looking man such as Steve would want me. I was jumping everywhere yelling-YES! YES! YES! The next day we started hugging each other again. We ended up in the bedroom having sex.
We were inseparable after this. We did not have sex as in him putting his penis in me he did oral sex on me. He came everyday to check on me had sex every day. Not sex for some reason he would only do oral sex only on me not for him. He always told me he loved me. I always told him I loved him. I thought we both meant it! I thought we were both serious! 
I loved him I believed he loved me. I needed to get Micky and I out of this situation. Jody and her boyfriend were doing cocaine every night. Mrs. Adeline told me about a Christian place where they house you and help with Micky also. I got hold of them was lucky or was it blessed they had a room opened for her and I. 
Micky and I went to talk with a Christian lady who ran the place for an interview. Steve took me everyday to everything I needed to do. He always said; "He had Faith in me." Linda ran a place called the Mission on Washington Street in Orlando. They accepted us. I left while Jody was at work paid her what rent I owed her Steve took us to the Mission. 
After getting settled in situated finding out the rules where everything was located Jody had a law officer search my room and belongings saying, "I stole her belongings." Steve told the officer he was my home confinement officer he watched and helped me pack my belongings when I left Billy and when I left Jody. 
He knew all I owned was a few suitcases of clothing for Micky and I. He said; "I did not steal anything nor take anything from her." The officer said; "If Jody decides to press charges he would be back to arrest me." For days I worried about this. Jody later found the items she thought I stole. 
After going through the program requirements I told the ladies that ran the place I was a cook. They put me in the kitchen now I was spending from 3:00 a.m. in the mornings on into the night running the kitchen. This was the first time the mission had hot breakfast offered to everyone. I had the kitchen opened hot breakfast cooking before anyone went to work. 
I had the kitchen cleaned ready to start lunch have after school snacks for the children when they returned. I had sack lunches for those going out to work. I had it cleaned ready for dinner to start. It was an excellent program. They helped mothers and fathers get their children to school every day. 
They helped them get food stamps, medicaid, AFDC, clothing, apartments, furniture, medical attention or anything they needed they helped. They had a huge building opening with programs for all ages of children another building opening for smaller children and babies. 
They kept everyone's pay checks when they got a job and gave them survival money while they stayed there then helped them get apartments or housing. Six months later they returned the money they put into an account for them. Their rooms and living areas were beautiful immaculate very clean and organized. Rules were hard to follow I had a problem with some of them. 
I didn't want to check in and out I earned my freedom had just gotten out of jail after a two year stay once again I wanted to come and go as I please I don't want anyone telling me what to do talking down to me bossing me around or mistreating me for awhile. I just wanted to take a break from all this. 
They provided food, clothing, shoes, deodorant, laundry facilities, detergents, soap, shampoos and conditioners even douches for the women. After I completed their entire program started running the kitchen full time they gave me a larger room with huge bunk beds. 
It was a gorgeous room with it's own living room it's own private bathroom and get this it was right above the kitchen where it would be easier for me to get the kitchen opened breakfast ready for everyone clean our room and get Micky off to school. No pay, but what they provided compensated. 
I was now getting AFDC checks I was considered doing charity work food stamps and child support didn't need use any of my resources while staying there. The AFDC worker put it in my files I was doing mission work got me qualified in this area. I saved enough money to get an old car. It ran good didn't look too bad. Micky and me called her ANGEL. 
The only thing I asked them for in return for my work was coffee whenever I wanted it. It was a sweet set up with two huge playgrounds Micky loved hanging out there. I had nothing in life to impress nor offer a man such as Steve. He not only took that ugly box off my leg he came to see me everyday called every day. 
I thought the Lord must be having a really good day by sending me a man like Steve. For the first few months we were there Micky had so many infections in her body ears and throat I had to get her into a doctor. They gave her medicines to take all day long. There were three in the morning three in the afternoon and three in evening. 
She slept for three or four weeks almost solid. She was worrying everyone there. Micky was better one day she got in front of everyone she led the dinner prayer mentioning everyone who had illnesses or disabilities. How she knew all their names and disabilities I've no clue. I was totally amazed. Micky has the gift of prayer. 
She doesn't realize the powerful gift God has given her life and Lucifer will take that from her. They were falling in love with me and my work wanted to give me a salary to keep me from wanting to go back to Denny's. I saved up enough to get a fairly good vehicle insurance and be back on the road to independence. 
I was the only one there that had total access to the kitchen anytime I wanted that meant coffee any time I wanted it day or night. I was the only one allowed to break most of the rules I was everyone's ride everywhere to get medications diapers personal things needed. They were so good to me it was an awesome situation, but I wanted to go back to work for Denny's.
It paid better I wanted to be on my own. I called Terry the one who had agents who were supposed to be his cousins. The ones that worked with the D.E.A. to bust me. He says, "We could stay with him." The first week I was there him and his girlie friend was mean to Micky while I was at work. I bought groceries and a refrigerator to put it in. 
He got all our appliances our mounted bass both our pools and storage shed when I was arrested now I had to buy a fridge? Come on get real! Micky was scared to eat anything she hid to eat hid the wrappers. They kept complaining about her eating everything yet they sat on their asses ate up all the food I was bringing in. 
I gave Terry a check for $600.00 he kept the entire check. We only stayed there for one week. I now had to find a way out of this situation. We went to stay with Vicki and her rock head family. She got $200.00 bought rock cocaine smoked it in front of me with my money. This went on for a couple of months till I couldn't tolerate it anymore. 
I now had to find a way out of this situation. I was desperate to get Missy and me out of this one. I could not be around these kind of drugs nor did I want to go back to jail. I didn't want to go down with her. An old man was always sitting at the counter everyday and every night at work at Denny's. Counter creatures I called them. I started talking with him. 
I was into the claw machines you know the ones with the claw that grabs toys? All Denny's have them now I love toys. I had only one remembrance of a toy as a child a doll with no head I loved that doll though. The counter creature was playing the machine with me. He kept asking everyone about me. Who was I etc...He seemed to be a good man. 
He had huge pimples more like craters all over his face nose and body him and them were extremely gross around 350 or more pounds. I had no choice or options no where we could go to live. I locked my keys in the car he came out to help as a joke handed me a little metal box which was a magnet hide a key. This was his cue to try to talk to me. 
I thought maybe I should get to know him. Maybe he can help Micky and me. He invited Micky and me to go to the Sanford Flea market with him. We went talked had a great time. Forgive me Lord I was willing to fuck this horribly gross counter creature for my daughter's sake. He was good to me, but hated Micky. I spoil Micky this was bad for her and me.
Later in life it became bad for her and me she had been badly spoiled by me. But she will always remember me as a mother who spoiled her instead of one who did the opposite am I right? I was always trying to make up for lost time or time she missed that we can never regain. 
Or make up for what I never got nor had as a child also as an apology for all she had to go through when I was away from her. The counter creature Stony talked me into moving in with him. I needed desperately to get away from them stealing my money eating up the food from the kids doing rock cocaine in front of us with my money! 
Stony, me and Micky did have a great time together had a lot of fun. He was over 300 pounds looked like a NY-Form Troll, but we had a great time. I would do whatever it took to take care of Micky. He was extremely perverted wanted to have sex over the Internet. 
Some kind of thing you use the camera to watch couples have sex even in other countries while they watch you have sex too. I could not see myself having sex with a 3 or 4 hundred pound cratered counter creature troll. He started becoming very insistent about it. I had to talk with him about Steve there was no way I would go out on Steve. 
He finally dropped it agreed to be just friends. He wired up electrical wires all over the house so that every morning before daylight I could not get Micky without him knowing about it. I was slowly letting myself get trapped into something worse than the situations I had been in. I could not pull out of the driveway without him knowing jumping in his Jimmy following us. 
We were getting into a hostage situation. He stalked followed me everywhere I went. If I went to meet with Steve he followed me. He stayed at my job all night. I could not get away from him. He started taking my money saying, "I owed it for rent." It was a small cheap trailer it couldn't cost all I had to keep food there and rent. I didn't eat there. 
He wouldn't let me take a shower alone nor use the toilette alone. I told him over and over please let me breath give me room let me have privacy. It was becoming unbearable and dangerous. Don't get me wrong the Mission was a great situation they even finally offered to pay me $300.00 a month to stay and run their kitchen. 
They found out I was hired at two different Denny's and I wanted to go back to work for Denny's cooking they didn't want me to leave so they thought they would sweeten the pot a little. They were good people to work for. They never came back into the kitchen acting like know it alls yelling or getting angry for any reason. They never bossed me or anything of the sort. 
I was a fool to leave this sweet situation and set up. Most everyone there was glad to help out in the dish room taking out heavy trash or emptying a delivery truck. Everyone worked together hard because we were treated good. We would all work our asses off for these people because we were being treated right.
One day a lady walked through the living area really loud said; "Does anyone here need a free lawyer?" I was walking through going back to the kitchen I looked around there was no one, but me. Quickly before the illusion went away I ran over sat down said; "Yeah I do!" She was from the Legal aide office. 
She said; "We don't normally do divorces, but I'm going to this for you. I don't know why, but Allison took my case. For month's she tried getting Billy to show up for meetings after 6 months or so she gave up finally took it to court. I wanted my job back at Denny's Restaurant. I missed cooking on the lines. I missed the high volume was proud of what I can do. 
Being one of the best to me was not just keeping up with the big boys it was being better than the big boys. I went to East Col. Denny's and Lee Rd. Denny's. I was hired back at Lee Rd. Denny's graveyard of course. This is the shift I have worked for many years. Most people find it a hard shift I find it much easier plus I love night time. 
Having no man to help no family and no one to get Micky off to school or greet her when she gets back if something were to happen during the day I would be there for her if I was working nights and had the days off to do whatever needs to be done or just be there for her. If anything needed to get done I had the day to do it. Graveyard was the only shift I could work.
The first night I was going back to work at Denny's a huge black lady in charge of running the Mission or something important in there stepped in front of me blocked me from leaving didn't want me going to work. She said; "No one gave you permission to go to work at night and you do not have proper babysitting arrangements."
I had run into another obstacle the only person I knew to call would be Terry. The so called snitch friend who helped Billy, Murial, Little Murial and Freddy set me up for the big bust. He said; "I have an extra room you could rent Micky could stay at night with me and my girlfriend." They were mean to Micky she didn't want them to watch her.
The Mission did not want to lose me running their kitchen I felt there would be no money or future there. They were offering me the money after I already accepted my job back at Denny's. I bought Terry a refrigerator then kept it full of food. Him and his girlfriend kept complaining about Micky eating. 
Micky was scared to eat out in the open or get in the refrigerator to get something to eat. She would get something and hide to eat. Terry complained about this too. Him and his girlfriend had no problem eating it up. I got an agency to help me with the rent. They gave me $600.00. 
I gave the check to Terry to cash he was supposed to take out two weeks rent give the rest to me. I didn't plan on staying so I needed the rest to pay rent somewhere else. I needed to get Micky out of this situation now. He took the entire check. When I first walked into Terry's house I saw my furniture appliances and my two huge above ground pools. 
One was set up in his yard one in Murial's yard. I watched them haul my storage shed off the property I used to own which was once Micky's and my home and put it in their yard. Remember he's the neighbor who helped everyone set me up with D.E.A.? I ran into a woman with two children around Missy's age I met in jail Vicki. She said; "I could rent a room from her." 
I kept their refrigerator and cabinet's full of food. The children got very little of the food. I watched her and her husband pig out on most of it. I paid her rent she still kept stealing money from me. This was becoming another nightmare! Back to the 400 pound troll Stony was an industrial electrician supervisor. 
According to him he made enough to work a couple weeks out of a month and be able to live off of that for quite awhile. Seems it was my money he was living off of he rarely went to work was constantly hounding me for sex wanting to rub my feet and back all the time. I told him no I don't want feet rubs back rubs nor sex! He used Micky to keep me bound to him. 
He was all I had to watch Micky while I worked we had no where to go no friends no resources no means of getting our own place. He had me trapped there was no one else to help me. He played a major role in supervising the electric lighting at Universal, Disney, Waterford Mall etc...I tried to sneak out with Micky every day he would catch us or run us down on the road. 
Micky was smart enough to figure out the wiring in the house. She could get passed the electrical wiring be standing between the wires and the door barely breathing as to not wake him with shoes in her hand waiting for mom to rescue her. She stood really still being careful not to back up or trigger the electric wiring which would go off letting him know I was there.
He kept me from getting any calls from Steve. He would do investigations on Steve trying to prove Steve not good enough for me. In the mornings when I got off from work I would get Micky into Angle push it down the road a little way without starting it so he would not hear then haul ass out of there.
He would always wake up follow us somehow be fast enough to catch up with us. There was no getting away from this 400 pound troll. He stalked me day and night taking over my money food everything! I really needed to get us out of this situation! What had I gotten us into?! The divorce made it to court I did get a free divorce. 
I have a picture of the lawyer Allison who did the divorce standing next to each other on the ground floor of the court house after the divorce. Billy didn't show up of course. The judge gave me my maiden name back. That name had never been used before. The last time I heard that name was as a child.
I was now signing everything with my maiden name unlike when I was a kid and hated it this time I'm proud of it somewhat. The judge awarded me $91.00 per week in child support getting it would be another thing. The courts do not enforce child support unless the mother is constantly in the court house complaining filling out paper work going before judges. 
I was awarded full custody of Micky, Billy would not show up for anything. Billy lost all parental rights. I started sneaking out to where we were living with Billy. Billy was now living with Dee the bartender I knew he wouldn't be there. Old room-mates were still living there. Scott was living with Dee he pulled his dick out so Billy could move in and put his tiny dick in her. 
I got my first income tax from Denny's. I didn't tell Stony anything that 400 pound Troll was not getting this. I wanted to somehow get Micky and I a home where no one could kick us out, do drugs around us, be drunk around us, deprive her of food or drinks, stalk us, control us, make us live under their rules or boss us around anymore!
I thought I would see if one or two of the old room-mates wanted to get out of that ran down house and come room with me help me with Micky. Scotty had been a good person I thought I didn't know at the time he robbed me blind while I was in jail took all my belongings to a storage shed. He was living there with another man told me he was a good man. 
I went along with this and started the hunt for somewhere for us to live. Stony knew nothing of what I was doing. I was scared of this man for some reason. Maybe because of my past with men and violence I knew also where my anger can take me. 
I knew I could hit someone up side the head with a ball bat or shoot them in the face dead on walk off not thinking another thought about it. I didn't want none of this in her and my life. I seen a house once in the park where Vicki the one who stole my money doing rock cocaine lived. The house was a double wide trailer built strange on the inside. 
It had no floors nor walls what I did see it could be fixed. I was desperate to get away from this huge man who was becoming more abusive to Micky more aggressive about sex with me. Standing at a phone out in the country the hickest town in Florida, Bithlo not knowing what to do. 
I picked up the phone looked at the sky and said; "Lord I know it's Sunday I know this man nor anyone else is in their office. If this man answers his phone on a Sunday I'll know this will be a sign I will get be able to afford this house." I didn't care how much work had to be done I always say nothing is impossible. 
Taking a deep breath dialed the man's number who owned the trailer park. He answered thank God he answered! We started talking money struck a deal. I went over to his office put a down payment on it and several months rent. When the income tax was in I paid it in full. Micky and I owned our own home again. 
It didn't have plumbing electric nor floors or walls nothing in it I didn't care it was a roof over our heads we could get away from Stony. Kitchen cabinets were rough falling apart kitchen floor had holes everywhere under the sink the plumbing was messed up the floor fell out leaving a huge gap. 
There were no walls no insulation carpet nails and particle boards here and there existed as floors. There were huge holes in the floors in almost all the rooms. Termites palmetto bugs roaches mice and rats from the field behind had taken over. The plumbing underneath was totally down 25 years later it still is that's besides the point getting ahead my story. 
Ceilings in most of the rooms were not damaged too bad hallways were shabby needed serious work. There were no electric outlets what did exist were either shot or wired wrong. Everything was falling apart in this place. Toilettes tubs and sinks in both bathrooms were destroyed falling through all kinds of bugs palmetto roaches termites and rats coming in. 
Both bathrooms were totally falling apart. The ceilings were good. Seemed overwhelming taking on a challenge like this I had no choice. What did I say though? Nothing is impossible I don't know about this one though I still took the challenge on. Stony was still stalking really pissed off about me leaving him buying a house without him knowing letting two men move in. 
He kept coming out when no one was there. Scotty was doing rock cocaine I didn't know for the longest time. The other guy helping Scotty watch Micky was holding Micky fondle her sleep with her. I could not let this go any further. I called the owner of the park he kicked them out for me just as Scotty was firing up a bowl of coke. 
I was getting out of this situation now who would watch Micky while I worked? The house needed a lot more work than I thought. The lady I bought the house from was in the middle of a divorce from a really bad marriage the husband stripped the place messed up everything on purpose. Karma still has her way. 
I've been getting that man's bills and mail for a long time he has a lot of warrants fines court cost jury duty notices etc...Electric throughout the house was wired wrong floors were just particle board pieces walls had no paneling nor even wood to paint no insulation no ac ceiling fans didn't work. Kitchen sink had fallen apart along with all the cabinets. 
Bathroom toilets and bathtubs were falling through the floors, but I had other things to worry about. I had no where I could go to be Steve. For the next couple of years I attended court required counseling pay them $45.00 per week and court ordered AA meetings. Steve had taken the box off my leg long ago I had not been monitored in forever. 
There was no action from the box being monitored from the home confinement office nothing was ever said Steve was covering everything up really well. I needed help I thought I'm in a desperate situation once again Stony isn't all that bad maybe I could tolerate him long enough to get help with the electrical work get the house together. 
I fought that idea I couldn't stand this idea. After I got the guys out he forced his way in started coming out staying. I gave in I needed a babysitter and help. I had to get it through his thick head I loved Steve please leave us alone stop trying to break us up stop trying to come in between us. I told him if he don't stop being mean to Micky I will seriously hurt him point blank! 
He agreed to be a good boy said; "It was worth it to be around us." He didn't care who I was going with. I cleaned his entire house took everything he owned out to the parking lot bombed his house his belongings and furniture before I would bring it to the house. He laid on his ass while I packed cleaned and bombed. 
He showed me how to do the electrical work in the house, but would not do any manual labor himself I did it all fans outlets everything. I bought a storage shed for $2,000.00 it had it's own breaker box air conditioner lights microwave stereo everything. It was like moving a little house in my back yard I had trouble over this too. 
Neighbors started complaining so I paid $600.00 for a permit for the shed $600.00 for a permit for the privacy fence I built and $600.00 for a permit for the concrete patio and walk I built and $600.00 for blueprints to get the neighbors to shut up. 
I was doing all the work while Stony laid on his ass didn't do anything, but take my money boss us around abuse Missy stalk me in my own home and jerk his dick off. Kiss My Ass! I still couldn't take a shower nor use the restroom without him watching standing there always staring. I couldn't see Steve without Stony interfering or following me everywhere. 
What was wrong with me? I was still making wrong decisions in life. No matter how hard I fought it bad things still followed me. It's like I said; "I didn't say, "I wouldn't make mistakes nor even similar ones just not the same ones." I completed and paid all the courts ordered me to do now going to meet my probation officer. 
Someone I would be checking in with and paying monthly for the next five years. Stony continued stalking me following me everywhere. He forced his way into our home, but I was letting him stay. He was saying, "I don't care who you go with nor who your in love with as long as I can be with you." 
I had to keep him around this house should have been condemned without his knowledge I couldn't get this thing livable up to code. I forced him to go to work I could not take him anymore! Steve and I were so much in love I guess I thought we were, only I was. He was still coming to see me everyday spending every moment with me he could. 
He was always in this nice county car calling me on the county cell phone and emailing me on the county computer. Yes I learned how to turn on a computer that wasn't all I learned on a computer. First I had to learn how to turn it on it was the big button. Stony wanted me to put panties inside my pussy have an orgasm sell the panties in a zip lock baggy. 
Before I knew it I was making porn movies making a killing with all I knew on computers and selling. I had feed back of over 5000 its hard to get 10 good feedbacks. We started traveling to different states selling XXX movies to truckers making a killing off the net and on the road. 
We started going out of town to flea markets collecting buying studying about old dolls trolls antiques Confederate and Civil War items and old toys. I love old dolls and working on computers. Porn stuff XXX movies cum filled panties lingerie new or worn and fetishes I was making a killing, but he was in charge of the money taking pictures masturbating and owning me! 
This had to go I hated the perversion of it all the porn it brought into my life a man I could not control I hated it all I wanted this to stop. I wanted his masturbating ass out of my house away from my daughter and away from me. He was totally obsessed so getting rid of him and his perversion out of my house out of my life was not going to be easy. 
I loved antique dolls, antique toys, antiques, Confederate and Civil War items and trolls, but this 400 pound masturbating troll had to go! Money was good, but I was no longer scared nor crying over losing my job this was just too much. He was forcing me to do this stuff now exposing exploiting outright using me.
Steve was loving the pictures movies everything about what Stony was doing just like a man huh ladies? This should have been a hint to me he didn't love me. Stony talked me into purchasing $36,00.00 worth of worthless porcelain dolls spent tons of money on porn stuff digital cameras digital video camcorders etc...I got stuck with this stuff. 
I gave every little girl in the neighborhood every little girl I met a doll for their birthday or Christmas. $200.00 dolls you should see their eyes when they get one that was worth it to me to see these little girl's eyes light up when I hand them a huge gorgeous doll. 
Most old dolls I picked were the rarest of dolls in excellent condition composition pa-pier bisque I have a bunch of rare antique dolls I couldn't part with these. These will be worth a fortune when Micky grows up. I decided if I couldn't leave her anything I could leave her valuable antique dolls, toys, trolls, antiques, Confederate and Civil War items. 
I've tried to own property three times in my life and have gotten cheated bullied or ran out of my own homes either through violence lies alcohol drugs etc...Listening to and doing Stony's ideas I loved some hated most I had to make money quick. My customers were mostly men who would spend any amount to satisfy their sexual desires or fantasies. 
I eventually refused to continue doing this. Stony found out why Steve would not take me to public places nor never introduce me to his friends or family never invited to do anything with him in his personal life. Steve was still married! Stony loved finding this out breaking the news to me. 
He thought with Steve out of the way maybe I would turn to him then do everything he wanted. I was so hurt over this I lay down in my bed gave life up. I couldn't eat or sleep for weeks. Steve tried to explain telling me all that was needed for his divorce was his signature. 
Knowing what liars most men are I called my old and dear friend in the Lord, Randy senior officer of home confinement. Randy confirmed that yes Steve was married and was shocked to hear we were seeing each other even more shocked to hear we were having sex for over two years. Randy ask what did I want him to do. I told him to do whatever he wanted. 
Randy started an official investigation. Steve found out started convincing me of his love so he would not lose his job. He took me to his house to have sex to make sure I would go along with the story he wanted. An investigation team was already working on it had been following us for two years even to his house that day they even knew we had sex that day in his house.
They traced his emails from the county home confinement office and his home to me. They traced daily four or five calls a day on his county cell phone to me. Berry and I had stories preplanned we were supposed to keep our heads together on the same story. The story on my part was to be truthful with them. 
I wanted him to tell them he was in love with and planned to marry me. Even if it wasn't true that was the story I thought was best. Steve wanted me to tell them nothing was true. They already knew we were lying. If I continued lying for him they would pull up all they had and arrest me too. As it was Karma AKA God stepped in once again. 
He went into the meeting with them lied about everything, hung himself. One of the investigators had the same thing done to them a day or so before Steve's investigation. She was still scorned and hurt someone jerked her heart out she wanted to help me. She came out to the house with no tape recorders or anything off the record. 
She told me she knew where Steve's heart was after asking one question. They asked him if he loved me and was he planning on marrying me. He said; "Let her think whatever she wants." They asked him if he loved me he said; "What is love she believes what she wants to believe." I told her to get her tape recorder I will tell her everything that happened in the last two years.
After a few six hundred dollar repairs I started learning fast. I thought I would never learn how to work that big button. I could not afford to pay techs to repair my computer all the time. I had to learn how to build repair and program them. Steve and I went for long walks for miles in the country hand in hand. 
One of those relationships you could never get enough never want to let loose when you held each other. I was sorry I agreed to let Stony help, but I needed a lot of help not realizing I would have been much better off without anyone's help. He was lazy! He showed me how to do everything I did the actual work myself that's how I wanted it anyway to be mine in every aspect.
I always get things thrown back into my face if I depend on anyone for anything. If it's never been there it's never going to be there so why go there it's self induced self destruction. As big as he was he pushed Micky into walls as he walked by her walk on her heels as we walked through grocery stores. He hated to see her eat he felt she was taking food away from me.
He would not let her be around me nor let her come out of her room. He took over the bills, but was not paying them. He got a Capital One credit card in my name then would not make the payments. Now I had a repossession foreclosure bad credit card which is still going up to this day and I could not get him to work. He only wanted to make sure we did not get out of his sight.
I was in a bad situation again and getting worse. After being back at the Lee Rd. Denny's for two years the manager fired me for giving the same waitress Connie food again. I could not refuse to feed people that were hungry it's a weakness of mine. I was only giving them something being thrown away anyway. She put a no rehire on me. I was scared what would I do now? 
I had a no rehire at all the Franchise stores and no rehires at all cooperate stores. Desperate with a child to feed a man who eats more than three men bills to pay that were behind because he was hiding the fact he was not paying the bills. Stony lay around the house with only a t-back men's pair of briefs on OH how gross this was. 
I managed to get him to cover himself up most times before Micky had to witness such a site. That would turn her off from men forever just kidding Lord forgive me. I was always catching him masturbating watching my sex movies that was really gross! With a child in the house! I warned him time and again not to lay around naked and masturbate. 
I was afraid Micky would see him I did not want to see this either. He had ideas of ways I could make money auctions in eBay. I taught myself the old and new versions of DOS HTML built hundreds of web sites from HTML inserting music, back grounds, gifs, pulling pics for free from other sites into auctions. I learned how to bring back dead drives others threw away. 
Some we have to pay to do now I guess Bill Gates caught on or is it Microsoft, eBay Yahoo or all of the above? You have to have a paid site to pull pics free. Even computers stuck in a prompt people thought to be dead I brought them back format them load up any windows. 
I learned how to take apart power boxes rebuild them make fans in the boxes and the tower compatible with any mother board no matter how old the mother board. I learned to build computers bring back old drives HTML DOS I was through paying anyone a fortune to clean up my drives load windows or repair my computer. I no longer had to pay tech's mortgage payments. 
I learned more than most techs. I watched every tech at the places I took mine for repairs techs at Best Buy, Office Depot, Cheap Guy's and the guy I was first taking it to who ran a business from his house. I knew what they knew and tons more than that big button. I was getting into things I wanted to be into and things I didn't want to be into. 
It started off taking pictures with digital cameras of me in adult size school girl uniforms adult size cheerleader uniforms adult size little girlie school dresses lingerie french maid uniforms nurse uniforms and adult size Girl Scout uniforms. My intentions were at first to sell lingerie on the net to women. You see where most of this is going right? 
Now I'm selling fetishes and porn. Money is money when you have a kid to support. Turns out women in small sizes do not sell good. They are not the ones that are most into it and are not willing to spend on it. Women are not the ones spending money on this. Most of my customers were men BIG men. They wanted everything I had to offer, but in larger sizes. 
They were willing to spend a fortune to satisfy their sexual hunger or fantasies. At first this wasn't all that bad I learned to deal with it and was making a killing off just this. A lot of men offered me $200.00 a week to pick them out an assortment of lingerie of my choice in their size wear it for a few days to get my scent on the items. 
They would pay extra to make a movie of me changing and unchanging in their lingerie. $200.00 per movie then I could sell the movie later or add to ones already going. They didn't care what I did with the movies after I did them. I bagged each item separately including the hose or thigh highs seal them send it to them right away. 
I had a lot of customers at $200.00 a week just to do that. Then I started picking up men who wanted to pay me to wear used Mary Jane shoe's for $40.00 a pair. Stony got the idea to do porn pictures to sell I started making better money. I was selling the movies with the option no one else had at the time fulfill a new or old fantasy make up your own movie for $200.00.
I got men who wanted me to wear their 8 inch Stilettos go to public places get naked and masturbate. Some men wanted to relive their first woman. Some men wanted to watch masturbation in risky public places. Men even requested some really unspeakable things. 
I did movies titled "The Naked Hitch Hiker" "Daddies Little Girl" "Cheerleader" "Teacher" and "Wild Banshee Hillbilly." Steve and I swore to stick together on our stories. Investigators came to my house to see how much I would tell. Steve and I agreed to keep our stories the same he would tell them he was in love with me wanted to marry me. 
He had no intentions of telling them such things. They asked me how do you know you are in love with Steve? I said; "Because I've never been there." I straight up lied about everything for this man except that I loved him leaving behind morals and truth. I told them everything he wanted me to tell to save his job or should I say, "His ASS." 
They knew I was protecting him also knew there was no way they could get me not to. They had official proof on him and said; "If I didn't tell the truth there was no more they could do." What no one expected to happen did happened. 
They had their meeting with Steve as we planned he lied about everything, but added something that made the woman investigator hurt and pissed. She was not supposed to get emotionally or personally involved at that point she did. 
Recently someone hurt her so what Steve said in the private meeting prompted her to call me and ask if it was alright with me if she came unofficially off the records to talk to me alone without any men no tape recorders and no one knowing what she was doing. I agreed and was curious I wanted to hear this. 
When she came I could see in her eyes the way she was talking she had gotten emotionally involved. She said; "We asked Steve if he loved you." Steve said; "What is love who knows what love is?" She asked him straight up do you intend on doing Mary right by divorcing your wife and marrying Mary? Steve said; "She believes what she wants to believe."
I told her ok go get your tape recorder now I'm going to butcher Steve. I'll tell you the truth about everything from day one it will coincide with what you have already found through your investigation. Months later when she closed the investigation she sent me copies of everything even the meetings with me. 
And the meetings with Steve and what he was charged with and the final result's of everything. He lost his job and everything he owned. No more county vehicle computer phone nor inmate pussy. A lesson to learn in life I guess is to never lie for anyone even if your emotionally involved! Who said I would not make any mistakes or wrong judgements or decisions anymore? 
I didn't say that! Everything I told her coincided with all the evidence they collected. I told them about him taking me out of the county taking the box off my leg the home confinement device and Randy said; "For that long period of time there was no activity or action reported from my box." 
I told them about the emails, calls on the cell phone, all the times in the county car I had thought were precious moments with him. I saved his emails sent them to the investigators. They had a list of violations on him. She told me he had been investigated for this before had I not come forward this would happen again to some other unsuspecting woman. 
They got him for misuse of county property car computer cell phone home confinement device and me because I was considered county property. They sent me a huge manilla envelope filled with paperwork the findings and results from the investigation. It doesn't hurt anymore. I don't feel anything anymore. 
Too many straws how can camel's carry such loads should have gotten three or four of those animals watcha think? Must be the footprints in the sand that keeps putting my camel's back on their feet when the loads are rough. I couldn't get Stony to leave he was getting violent over it. 
The officer said; "There was nothing I could do about it except to get a restraining order against him." I had to go through all the hassles of getting a restraining order. I asked the officer what do I have to do to get him out. He said; "Go get a restraining order." 
I pulled mine from behind my back said; "Does it look like this?" He said; "Yes he would have to get a copy to serve." I handed him mine I said; "Serve mine." The officer told Stony his rights and said; "Sir you have 15 minutes to get out of this woman's house." He continued stalking me for months. I still get phone calls I think is him. 
Most times a stalker such as this can be dangerous or violent for long periods of time and will resurface sometimes many days months or years later. I will never let anyone into my home or heart. Broke and with no way of feeding Micky no rehires at all Denny's no way of making money no bank account no card to use to do auctions anywhere in eBay. 
A white American with no qualifying resources no child support both digital cameras broke. I asked Mr. Aloma for my job back. He said; "$9.50 and probation." I said; "Don't call me I'll call you." I had bad credit nothing to fall back on. Sitting in the parking lot behind Chic-O-Filet crying not knowing what I would feed a child who now was eating as much as Stony. 
Micky says; "Mom I have a coupon for a free meal at Chic-O-Filet from school." I was thinking WOW God does supply don't lose Faith. I swallowed my pride went back to talk with Mr. Aloma. I told him no probation and $10.00 an hour. Back to the same ole shit I'll never make what the men make. 
I traded my truck for a bigger truck a Ford Explorer with an extended cab gorgeous truck. After being back with Mr. Aloma for almost a year one morning when I got off from work I went to another county at 3:00 a.m. to a clinic where if your one of the first five people you get a tooth fixed or pulled cheaper than anywhere as an emergency. 
I had several emergencies have spent thousands of dollars over the years fixing repairing my teeth from alcohol drugs and babies. I didn't make it in the first five. My truck blew up caught on fire I had no one to call was in another county. Micky and I started out on foot trying to get home. 
I had the truck towed to the nearest Ford dealer where the finance company told me to take it. The finance company and me told the Ford company do not do any work on it till the finance company finds out whether the mileage was over the limit to be covered. Of course it was over the limit not by much, but was. The Ford company did work on it unauthorized work.
They said; "They could fix it for $1,300.00." There was a $13,000.00 pay off. After being with the same company for over five years there was no way there was still a pay off like this. Especially considering I traded in two other vehicles in the past with them two of which I owned. The Ford company put a lien on the truck I couldn't get it out of their shop. 
The finance company said; "They wanted the money or they would garnish my checks." After dealing with them a couple of months trying to work something out. I took my chances taking another repossession on my credit and told them if they can get the truck from the Ford company good luck. Them and the Ford company can stick that truck and the loan up their ass.
I'm on foot again walking back and forth to work and dropping Micky off at babysitters on the way there and back. I'm paying a fortune for babysitters just for my kid to sleep at someone's house. I wore out two pair of shoes walking so far for so long. I tried to keep young girls or women in the area so I could be on my way to work. 
One day while walking home I got all the way to Alafaya Trail coming down highway 50 that's more than halfway between home and work. I saw one brand new shoe sitting in the middle of the highway it was my size too. I thought that would be nice to find the other shoe. 
After walking a couple more miles I found the other shoe it was brand new so I walked miles back to get the other shoe. Randy called my house to see if I was alright and if I turned my back on the Lord or lost Faith through all this. I assured him I wouldn't let it happen please don't call anymore I've been hurt by that department enough. 
After weeks of crying not eating with severe depression over Steve I finally emailed him a midi of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." I told him to just minimize it listen to it enjoy it. He emailed me back saying how are you these days or should I be asking who are you doing these days? 
I didn't return his email on this one, but was quite satisfied with his next email. He said; "Thanks to you these days I'm looking for a job." He lost everything including a faithful woman. I emailed him back saying, "Nothing like the fury of a woman lied to scared threatened or scorned just minimize Whitney and listen." In time with tons of Faith I will get over Steve. 
Steve sent me a card during the period of time he was telling me about his lawyers forbidding him to see me at least until the investigation was over. We had not been able to see each other for a couple of weeks. The card had a bunch of people and said; he was looking everywhere through all the crowds in none of the crowds he could not see me nor find me. 
I had a handkerchief with his smell on it. I tucked his hanky away in that card put it in the brown manilla envelope which contained the investigation report. I hid it somewhere to this day can not find it. Stony continued stalking me in my own home abusing Micky even more so now he thought I would turn to him for comfort. 
He literally throws Micky in the back of my truck and won't let her ride up front with us. I had enough of him. I was sick of doing perverted things he wanted. Doing his bidding so to speak and being exploited. I am very liberal and am a very open minded Christian. I see nothing wrong with the naked body or doing doll shows dressed up for whatever the occasion. 
Such as an elf or Santa's Helper as an Adult Doll Little girl or Cheerleader. Halloween had always been my favorite Holiday, but not the things he wanted from me! It came to head when Micky wanted to be with me and help me while I was working on my concrete patio. She kept trying to get out of the house. He kept locking her back in. 
She finally got her nerve up came out the door to be with me. He literally physically picked her up by both of her shoulders threw her in the house. You heard that saying don't get in the middle of a mother and her child? Every ounce of anger in me came out I paid no attention to the man's size. 
I grabbed his beard and hair twirled it in my hands backing him down the path of the concrete walk I built threw him backwards to the ground told him I would kill him right here and now if he ever touches my kid again! It had to be the Lord holding me back from getting totally out of control violent I would have many years ago. I told him to get out! 
He fought this for days then months still staying still kept coming back. Every time he came in the gate I threw him out again and again. He stalked me for months following me everywhere I went calling all the time emailing me every other email was his. He pretended to be a customer buying stuff to continue talking with me. I messed with his head I knew it was him right off.
He had a key to my Post Office mail box. He was taking the money and checks people were sending me for dolls toys and antiques. People were writing telling me they paid for something three or four months ago so I sent out dolls trolls and antiques for free to them. He kept breaking into the house stealing stuff trying to destroy the computer. 
Deleting important registry files taking out parts. He forgot what I knew and learned. I got a permanent restraining order. I have totally rebuilt this computer four or five times I have a 31 inch Gateway 2000 Destination monitor. I paid most of it the computer parts files things done within this computer was mine he had no rights to it. 
There wasn't much he could do to it I couldn't fix. He bullied his way into the house. I packed his belongings in the old junk Jimmy he parked here. There was no reason for him to come inside. He had long since been kicked out was not to be considered a resident. This was not what he told the officer he brought with him at first. 
Income tax time thank God I could get something to drive again. You all know how high insurance is right? For a single mom with no friends no man nor family and still packing that camel. I bought a jeep from a buy here pay here up the road. I went across town wouldn't you know it caught on fire then froze up. 
Micky and I ran to the nearest intersection to call the man I bought the jeep from before they closed. It was a long way to a phone and took them forever to find us they found the jeep and us so her and I made it back out there to the car lot. It was dark I was desperate and tired didn't care what he gave me long as it was drivable and road ready. 
I was not being allowed to look at anything else in his lot. He already had the paper work ready to sign on a piece of crap van that was in really bad shape. I had to do way more than just the maintenance on it. A tune up, oil change, 4 new tires, new muffler, new breaks, alignment, five times all the belts were replaced, rotary bearings, pulleys, pumps and compressors. 
We almost rebuilt the engine and it still squealed louder than any other vehicle on the road that squealed. This man stuck me with this van that had major problems I had no more money it stayed at their mechanics more than it did in my driveway. Jamie and all the managers kept sending someone to get me. 
They will go through the trouble of getting a cook even go out of their way for them, but not to much for a server or dish washer they figure the cooks can do everything if it's necessary. Franky had been working here for awhile he was a server Jamie sent him in his jeep to get me. 
I told him someday I would repay him for doing this I usually do pay people back tenfold if possible. Pretty cool jeep he was driving was loaded everything in it. I think he was dating a day waitress named Tasha it was her jeep. I tried not to get involved with servers or anyone's personal life. I just don't care it always ends up in trouble. 
I'll help anyone with almost anything, but leave me alone. Franky was what I called the local Denny's pervert/Romeo/player. He would make perverted calls to the restaurant to me and other women that worked there and talk dirty when he was drunk or taking his medications. Sometimes he really thought we didn't know it was him. 
He called me all the time in the middle of the night or anytime he knew I was a night owl. I worked graveyard with him so of course I'm used to staying up nights. I'm also an insomniac. He would talk about anything at first he would talk dirty till I think he caught onto how to hold my attention. 
I was always embarrassed when someone talked dirty to me I know it's all lies men can't tell the truth it's just not in them. Just kidding guys there are some good ones not many though. He finally started talking about different things over a long period of time. 
Fishing or computers or waitresses he was fucking because I knew them all they were co-workers somewhat friends to me also. Took him no time to figure out how to hold my attention on a call would be first talk computers for awhile then drift in and out with dirty talk. The dirty talk I tried to avoid. I don't like lines come ons, lies or games etc...
A waste of time come on guys most women consider it stupid. I started being like a dear Abbey for him like I had always been for a lot of cooks and servers. I would talk about anything with him enjoyed doing it. I would talk with him about his girlfriends. Even get nitty gritty with sex details. He was very comfortable to talk with.
One morning his jeep was stripped and trashed. We all knew who did it. He was so upset. Twice we came out from work in the mornings the jeep had been vandalized. I usually gave him a ride anywhere he needed to go. He did not need one when he had the jeep. That day he had to stay wait on the law to make reports.
His next girlfriend was one of hottest little cuties in my opinion. A waitress from another country Muna from Morocco or something like that. She turned out to be a real winner. We all watched Muna drain Franky of every penny he had and kept going wanting always demanding more from him. He finally started blowing her off.
He would call me and after computer talk for awhile then sex talk I never responded to he would proceed to tell me about what all happened with whoever he was fucking at the time. Most everyone even me says he's a dog he has sex with anything anyone any age he's gross and perverted. 
I didn't find anything he was doing any more abnormal than any other men couples or women do. Denny's is vicious when it comes to gossip and rumors. Franky is just very misunderstood. Yes he gets drunk and trashed the alcohol and medication together affects him in a weird way that's when he tells everything his true feelings come pouring out. 
He's a romantic when he's drinking, but he never remembers doesn't know he is. Most everyone in Denny's thinks about the sexual part they think he's the Denny's idiot. He's not though he's highly intelligent if you listen to his mumbling and can understand it that's when you can find out things about him. He's talking to himself. 
Sometimes he blacks out not many recognize when he's doing this he holds his composure. He's strange, but so is the world. If you listen closely he's smarting off to everyone making fun of everyone in between tables it's just that slow to him. No one hears him, but I've been listening laughing my ass off under my breath for a long time. 
Sometimes I make eye contact with him and he knows I know what he's doing and what he's saying we both laugh. This is how I look at it I've worked around men most of my life side by side on these cook strips. I'm used to men their sexual perversions comments roaming hands etc... 
Most all men servers, dishwashers, cooks, managers, general managers, district leaders or any profession all talk a lot of bullshit we all know that. Most of them can't even come close to doing what they say they can do. They will all brag about what they have and what they can do for a woman and how wonderful they are.
And how they could please a woman how they can go hours on end and how they can get or want certain waitresses. Truth be known they could not get anywhere near most of them not even for a smell most couldn't take of business just running their mouths. Most women won't give most of them the time of day. Most of them can't even get an erection. 
Most of them only fantasize about having the waitresses and talk stupid talk about how they know they can get any one of them. This total drunk drugged up Denny's wanna be Romeo idiot don't just talk about the pussy he gets or wants. Franky has had relationships or fucked every HOT women that has come through that restaurant. 
What other men are bragging about all the time Franky has been doing for years! Not so dumb HUH? Micky was getting hard to handle I was spinning my wheels with her. Spending every dime I could make on her clothing school fixing the van all the time bills rent electric phone food and babysitters. 
My life only mattered to support her buy for her care for her cater to her drive her everywhere for overnighters or parties or to get someone to party at our house then driving them home. These teenage finger nail painting parties were not only getting expensive and aggravating now they were wanting to roam at nights. 
Going places I didn't know where she was going with people she wouldn't give me names nor addresses for. Most times I would imagine her coming in with her clothing torn to shreds with a horrifying story. Surviving just wasn't worth it. She was old enough at 10 to start helping around the house or at least pick up after herself. 
I gave up everything in life to love and support her. Freedom going out anywhere meeting any men having any social life or sex was null and void. I bought everything Micky would tell me to buy went everywhere she would tell me to go pick up anyone she told me to pick up and take them home. I'm thinking good grief at what age do these nail parties stop? 
An added note: Teenagers are the most gross creatures on earth. She throws all soda bottles and cans down anywhere with soda in them. Ok here goes the long list of things she throws all over the place food clothing cigarettes toys dolls drinks paper empty containers well I think you get the picture. 
Every time she spends the night with anyone or anyone spends the night with her they all get lice over and over. She has periods now I taught her how to take care of it. I explained exactly what was happening to her what it meant in life. I taught her how to be discreet about it how to take care of the smell that comes along with it how to keep down infections. 
I taught her how to properly dispose of said items. She does none of this. I find used Kotex and tampons all over the house gross panties gross clothing piled everywhere with food dishes containers whether full or empty mixed in. Sometimes I let it all pile up in one room clean it while she destroys another room then clean that one while she destroys another one. 
She carves destroys all the furniture. I have no dressers that I have not either thrown out from her damaging them or they sit around forever carved up waiting for handles or whatever she tears up on them again and again to fall apart. So it makes sense thank God I'm poor and live in this town. School I gave that horrible fight up many times over. 
Jamie was relieving me she was the general manager for that moment anyway. She had a daughter to get to school too. It was more important to get her daughter to school than for me to get Micky to school on time. I was always late getting her there was always threatened by the school to take me to jail if this doesn't stop. 
Most everyone says the same thing or worse your daughter won't go anyway or she's always late anyway. Well if I was relieved on time she would have been there on time! The school was constantly threatening to take me to court and to jail. I could not get Micky to get ready for school once we made it home. 
Trying to make an hour drive getting out from work over two hours late every morning then getting her ready for school along with everything I was going through in life and work this was getting really hard. She would never take a bath, brush her hair, dress decent nor brush her teeth living was not worth it for me. She refused to listen to anything I say. 
Smarting off to me was a real pass time. I tried all the tricks suggested to me and I could think of. She was even getting large allowances, but I'm soon to give up on her. I started telling her ok I'll pay you to help me. All you have to do is brush your hair teeth take a bath and get ready for school. 
I took her once or twice a week to do whatever she wanted to do take her to a store wherever she wanted to go spend at least $20.00 a week for whatever she wanted. It always cost over $200.00 or so each week buying her whatever she wanted dolls CDs games clothing makeup whatever. 
She still was smarting off not brushing her hair not getting ready for school not brushing her teeth not taking baths. Nothing worked. I finally had a law officer come out and talk to her nothing fazed her. Micky couldn't stand her life her mother her home nothing I did was good enough for her constantly complained her clothes were outdated. 
I never buy for myself always her. I couldn't have clothing or shoes she now wore my size. Her and her friends took everything I had. The house was a wreck, she tears it up, breaks everything and trashes every room in the house. She cried to her friend's she had no family no relatives no brothers or sisters no grandma or grandpa and no dad and she wants a different mom. 
She's always saying, "She wants a different family." I can't supply her with brothers and sisters I don't know where they are. I didn't understand anything she was going through. I was thinking something that may end up being a huge mistake. 
Her dad is still a stinking alcoholic crack head, but just maybe I should bring him back into her life see if this will make any difference. Stupid thought stupid idea. Note to reviewers and JeffKnowsStuff. I like my quotations on the outside of the periods or commas. How I write isn't none of your concern so I say, "Kiss My Hillbilly Ass!" In quotes. K? 
I was training a cook at work he could not cook in my opinion didn't even make a good waiter. He was not dependable showed up whenever he wanted was really cute though. We started talking getting to know each other. He was losing his apartment I agreed to store his stuff. I ended up storing him and his stuff having great sex. 
I still couldn't get off he wanted to be too rough. After the second time I told him no way I'm just not into rough stuff. I thought he won't work won't pay for anything maybe he will be of help with Micky or maybe a good man for me. WRONG! He started yelling about everything nothing was good enough for him. The house wasn't clean enough nothing I did was right. 
He started taking over everything in my life. Now there was no sex he was an outright ass hole. He yelled about everything you rolled the joint too tight you rolled the joint too loose you should never turn the joint off till I say so you ruin my high when you stop at stores to get coffee. 
Finally one day he yelled at me one time too many I had taken enough off of him I took him back to the house. He got out I took off. Oh was he pissed off. He hated that more than anything to be dropped off somewhere in his Italian accent he said; "Momma I will never be as hot for you as when we first met." Kiss My Ass! Geese who cares we only met two weeks ago. 
He said; "I was mad at you for dropping my ass off." He was yelling at me to save face. He started taking my Ole' Blue truck all the time not picking me up from work. I was walking while he roamed day and night in my truck. Michael was gorgeous, but not that fucking gorgeous. How stupid could I be to let a man do this to me and my daughter. 
He hated Micky they fought all the time. He kicked her out of her own room moved into her room so he would have his own space he said; "I only wanted to be a room-mate now since you were mean to me you dropped me off." Wait a minute doesn't a room-mate supposed to pay rent or something to that effect? 
He was yelling at me and Micky all the time telling me I was an emotional wreck I needed therapy needed to seek outside help. I already knew this everyone all through my life has told me I need therapy I need counseling AA meetings anger management money management parenting classes raising kids classes etc...
I was paying his and her bills working supplying all the food and vehicle. I guess I am the one needing outside help here I did after this. The fighting between us I figured I could handle I'll just hit him in the head once a week with a baseball bat that will cure that. The fights between him and Micky I could no longer handle. 
If he didn't like my house the way I cleaned do it yourself or get out simple no not as simple remember the residency thing with the law. I had no where to turn out of desperation I called Billy, Micky's dad. She needed discipline or a father of some sort even if he was an alcoholic crack head. What else could I do? 
The house he was living in had the old familiar stench of piss shit sweat alcohol and something similar to death. Nasty clothes lying all over the house. Four room-mates all alcoholic crack heads of course. One guy laying in a room dying of some kind of disease drinking and smoking heavily he died two months after meeting him.
Billy has these room-mates from the field they were living in behind the nasty house they were living in. One so drunk he slept on top of not only nasty clothes, but dog poop all over. He would wake up get a beer not bother getting the poop off of him. Michael insisted he had to go or Micky had to go.
Normally yes you would never put a man over your child, but neither one of them was doing me my emotions my ulcer or my pocket book any good getting at least one pressure off which would be to let her dad take her for awhile let him see what it cost for babysitters food and clothing for her see first hand what a lazy smart ass she is. 
Let him deal with her for awhile he deserved to go through this for awhile. Maybe things will work out for Michael and me if she wasn't there making everything worse for the both of us. She don't want to stay around, but she doesn't want anyone to be with me either. 
Billy agreed to take Micky for awhile after a week he was ready to give up because she wanted to come home! Michael started getting abusive HEY WRONG THING TO DO THIS TIME IN MY LIFE! Too many pressures right now with the past and what Billy has done over the years. Jamie the manager and Mark the district leader was always yelling at me all the time. 
There was no reason for this I was the best most dependable reliable hard working cook they had or ever had. They said this while at the same time yelling at me everyday. They never yelled at the men cooks. I never called in was never late never partied was the best cook and trainer they had. 
I was at Billy's house every morning when I got off from work if I didn't she would have no coat on during the cold days nor never dressed good. There was never anything to drink in the house for her never any snacks she was used to me spoiling her. I loved her so much I could not go a day without seeing her. 
I was there for her in the mornings there when she got back from school. Most times she begged to leave with me I would take her with me. Now see I didn't pick no man over her no matter how bad she treated me. Billy and his room-mate's sit in one room with the door closed smoking crack and drinking themselves into oblivion. Micky was running the streets. 
She found girl's down the street to roam with I didn't want her all over the place without an adult she would end up a statistic that is a bad area. Two kids was shot walking to school the same path Micky and her friend take when they walk. Michael pressured forced me to give him Micky's room was trying to force me to get rid of her. My kid really? 
This got Billy back into our lives which was a huge mistake. I took him to the house only for him to drink till he passed out. I told him I needed him to bully Michael for me get him out of my house! Micky was with me day and night anyway why take her home or room away from her no matter how bad she was. No man was worth putting above your child. 
Billy came out to kick Michael out and kick Michael's ass for me once again he passed out drunk. I kept hitting him yelling saying, "Get up hey Billy you gotta get Michael out of here." He just laid there like the stinking drunk that he is. I was running around the house screaming yelling for Billy to get his stupid ass up take up for me like he promised he would. 
All the while Michael was laughing at the whole thing. How could Billy be that passed out not to hear all that noise? I stood up to Michael told him to get out, but the fucking pussy came back with the law. Michael the officers and I stood outside arguing for hours. They were going to take me to jail if I didn't agree peacefully to let Michael stay. 
I had to think ok just go along with the officers for right now. The officers told me he was a resident if he kept shoes in the house that alone made him a resident. During all the fighting commotion even the law Billy stayed passed out. It would only get me arrested if I kept arguing. Nice and politely I said; "Ok yes officers Michael can stay sorry for your trouble.
Thank you so much for coming out here I'm so sorry for taking your time to sort this out for us. You are right I need to give Michael another chance let him stay." Michael didn't know me did he? I don't take no shit from no one anymore! No men no managers no district leaders no general managers! I take shit off my kid because she is MY KID! The officers finally left.
Michael went back into Micky's room stood with his arms crossed like this was his domain and he won. You can tell this is a kid's room couldn't the officers see this? I painted a large rainbow with florescent paint with a pot of gold at the end. 
I built her a chest with a huge cushion on the top of it to use for a seat with hot air balloons between the rainbow on the walls I painted clouds and hot air balloons to match the trunk definitely not a room a man had been staying nor living in. I brought Billy back into our lives tried to have Faith in that man tried to help him. 
He's still an alcoholic closet crack head he now has cancer of the throat. He has not been able to say anything above a whisper in a couple of year's. Actually about five years. He started losing his voice getting sick all the time losing weight and a cyst started growing on his neck around the same time he told me before I left him that not even God was worth quitting drinking for.
UH what was that you said about God Billy? Billy hates his own daughter Micky and Micky hates him worse. She tells him like it is he don't like it. He tells her like it is she don't like that either. I felt sorry for him several times because he owes over $6,000.00 in child support. 
I didn't want to watch him go to jail all his life having to purge out each time I would have to be the one bonding and purging his dumb ass out. I went to the court house time and again to asked the Child support enforcement agency to take it before a judge again. I talked to the judge and took it off his back with his promise of paying on his own. 
Each time I took it off of him he would not give her anything. Months and months on end year after year each time I took it out of the court's hands he would not help with anything. He wouldn't help even when it was in the court's hands. Out of desperation I was needing help I found out about Support Kids.com. 
What a horrible mistake let me tell you the pros and cons of these private child support collecting agencies women. I filled out an online application thinking their fee of 30 some odd percent meant if they get the entire sum they would then take their fee. 
This is how the message is perceived in the commercials to find after I did all the paper work I did all the leg work. I went to the court house to get records to prove what he has paid and what he owes after all this I end up getting $60.00 per week while they get the rest. Support Kids are making a fortune off mothers desperate in need. 
Ok so I'll let Billy move in then maybe he will help pay bills. He has to be paying bills where he lives so why not make him pay half at least here. He was never dependable for anything before. I was doing ok working for Mr. Aloma, but the stress was outrageous of Jamie and Mark yelling all the time, but that isn't something I haven't tolerated already over the years. 
I wanted to make Billy help somehow it's hard on single mother's out there I know. Some of you have more than one kid believe me I don't want to trade places with you in no way! One is quite a handful thank you very much! I've been back with Mr. Aloma for little over two years. 
Billy was borrowing more money every week granted he gave me half the rent and bills, but was borrowing more than his share of bills not paying any of it back. As before he was dragging me down and the stench of his breath and body along with the alcohol is barely tolerable. 
I felt bad, sorry and pity for him he thought and was even praying we were getting back together talking all the time about remarrying me telling everyone I was his wife. He started taking over bitching about everything. Fights between him and Micky were pretty bad. 
I was so mad at Billy for passing out not helping me get Michael out and Michael my veins were popping out of my neck. I got right up in Michael's face I was so mad and said; "Are you going to get out of my house?" He said; "No I'll call the law again wait right here for them." 
I grabbed him by the back of his hair neck and ears started punching him in his head and face escorting him out past my gate and fence to the front of the park punching him the whole way and said; "Now you are a non resident." I threw everything he owned in the back of the van hauled it all to the front of the park dumped him and his belongings. 
Went back to the house got that drunk up out of my bed took him across town back to his nasty little house. I had a pure blood black tongued Chow she was my best friend. I thought I would never have another dog she took my heart when I found her. The last Cinnamon Chow I had was poisoned by the neighbors I loved that dog. 
I buried her in my back yard swore I'd never love another dog. I went to the humane society one day with no intentions of getting any dog for Micky. There sat a little perfect black ball of fur with a full black tongue. I fell in love with that dog like no other dog. Michael had been feeding her Big Macs. Her electric collar was off it was burning holes in her neck. 
Michael lured her stole her with a Big Mac. I had a pure Dachshund I bought for Micky's first birthday. Shirley was a puppy when we got her. I paid $100.00 for her. I left her with Nicole when I left this neighborhood telling everyone to please take care of her I'll be back soon to get her. I was back soon when I bought this house Shirley came running right to Micky and I.
Neighbors came to the house raising cane about Shirley saying Nicole the one who kept stealing my money buying rock cocaine sold Shirley to them to get rock saying, "She belonged to them." I came up with paperwork on Shirley told them the dog belongs to my daughter here's the paperwork on her. I raised this dog, but you know what you can have her. 
No dog is worth fighting over when after death we will be reunited. Shirley will be with you while she's in that dog shell. Have a nice life take that child's dog! In the end you won't have her. Since all my dogs I said; "Never again." Bear was different she was so smart stayed right by my side slept with me since a baby protected me with everything she had in her. 
She was very well trained gorgeous show dog pretty beautiful all you could see of her was long silky black fur. She killed a rat which had taken over the house because it got too close to me. I bought her an electric fence and electric collar. She never barked never left my side get near me she would maul you! She hated uniforms the post man couldn't get past her territory.
She had every right lawfully she had an electric fence and boundaries. She was a huge black fur ball. Michael was feeding her Big Macs every day when he left he stole my Bear with a Big Mac my baby my heart my dog. That was more of a heart break than any man! What kind of person would steal someone's dog? 
That dog I will never get over I still look for her to find her way home if not in this life she will find her way home in the next. My point women don't have to do perverted things nor have sex if you don't want to and don't have to tolerate men abusing you in any form verbally physically mentally sexually emotionally or any other wise! Get some balls about you stand up for yourself!
Above all be thankful your child is healthy enough to be mean no man should come before your children. After all the abuse over the years in Denny's I welcomed making good money selling sex stuff role playing stuff fetishes lingerie movies and the like, but the issues that come with it is not worth it. 
When in hopeless abusive situations and after losing everything time and again not knowing how I would pay bills or feed Micky I believed Jesus would provide. I thought of the story I heard over the radio. A preacher served food in the food line on Orange Blossom Trail. He ran out of food day after day it was getting so overwhelming he was giving up. 
Sitting out back leaning against the dumpster contemplating giving up there was a woman sitting with no legs she asked him do you have anything left for me? He went in knowing there was nothing left, but came out with a sandwich and gave it to her. She looked at the sky and said; "I knew you would provide." There was no way he could give up.
I wrote this book one more time submitted it to a couple of Christian publishers in New York and California. A lady published a book about how she was raped when young years later was reunited with her daughter who was a product of the rape. Why can't I tell my story? Like all people businesses and firms everyone wanted money it's still not a stupid dream. 
I shredded it in the paper shredder using it for packaging for stuff I was selling on eBay gave up again. The reason why I was so willing to give up this time was the Christian publishers told me to tone down the porn and sex a lot. Their suggestion was to omit it. Then I wouldn't have a book. 
They said; "It seems to be based a lot on abusive relationships incest rapes violence drugs abuse." Well yeah did I not warn you or tell you about that so sorry. By tone it down or omit it did they mean candy coat things for children or adults? 
Fuck that shit nothing was candy coated for me when horrible things were happening to me or anyone in my book so why should I candy coat it all? I did rewrite the book omitting as much of the sex dirty language porn anything similar to it. The finished product was a very boring book not at all the way it really happened! 
How would any woman that was robbed raped or beaten describe it? Should we just say, "Oh by the way I was raped beaten robbed yesterday today whenever and it's all dropped." No they come in screaming yelling hurt cut up bloody hysterical torn up violated sometimes disabled mangled stabbed shot mauled even maimed. 
Sometimes we never get over it sometimes we are dead never get to tell about it all. Every man I've ever been with there is nothing, but fights whore dogging thieving scamming bullying mistreating me or Micky. Michael was no exception to this. We fought all the time over stupid shit. 
I wouldn't have sex with him nor let him get close in any aspect he was just gross in every way to me now. This was making him mad he had it in his head we were forever to be as one or some nonsense like that. He wanted me to start calling him from wherever I go like checking in or something like that getting obnoxious bitchy about everything. He was so drunk all the time. 
Micky went running to Billy's truck when he got here one day was hanging onto the side of the window. He had a friend in Ole' Blue with him don't tell me one of them did not see that child nor hear her hanging onto that truck screaming yelling and did not see the child was stuck on his truck! He said; "He told her to let loose he thought she did." I call bullshit. 
One of them had to see her! I know how the man thinks he was thinking I warned her told her so oh well I'll teach her. Not realizing it would cause such damage or did he? He drug her down the road took a huge chunk out of the top of her leg scraped the rest of her body up and the other leg. There was a huge chunk taken out of my babies' leg. 
He was scared to come into the house for days I surely don't blame him for that! I was on the other side of the door waiting with a baseball bat. I got out everything in the house large wraps, neosporine and vaseline and put as much as I could on it, cleaned, wrapped it totally then went after him. My first instinct was to smash his entire head with a baseball bat and don't stop!
Micky stopped me. She kept yelling it was an accident mommy please don't kill him I know you will kill him please hear me. She couldn't walk for months, but she alone stopped me from killing him she swore it was her fault please mom I know you WILL kill him. She begged pleading telling me it was her fault she did not let go when he told her. 
The point was there was NO way ONE of them did not see her! It was late in the night when he got enough nerve up to come to the door to see if he was going to live. It took me days to calm down he stayed clear of me. I told him there is no relationship there never was never will be. 
I brought you here for her sake to give her some kind of dad I don't think you qualify to be called a human much less the title of dad. There have never been any feelings for you. You stripped me of feeling anything years ago! There will never be any sex so give that one up! 
I can't continue supporting you loaning you money. This is the same ole same ole I tolerated years ago I finally got rid of your ass now I've got to get rid of you again. I refuse to live my life supporting cleaning up after you ugghh. I could not look at my child limping holding onto furniture trying to get around on her on. 
HELL no I'm not letting that man stay drain me of not only all my money, but strip me of my self worth again the only emotion I have for him is disgust anger maybe pity. I let him stay a couple more weeks till he could find somewhere to go. Micky had me feeling sorry for him. 
I felt the least I could do for the man since he can't have the family wife child and sex he thought he was going to get I would buy him a dog to make him feel better about life. Don't laugh it was working. The mention of the dog sent him on a bitching spree. For week's he kept me awake remember I work nights yelling about how I promised to buy him that dog. 
He wanted a pure blood Jack Russell. I was so tired of listening to his never ending drunk ass raising Cain about his Jack Russell I promised to buy him. I was trying to get out of my promise. He had Micky carrying on about it too. I don't have that kind of money to spend on a dog. 
Finally I was tired of listening to him and her wanting desperately to get some sleep I stayed up to go get him that dog. I drove across town to get one that was a puppy. Miss Jackie cost me $900.00. By the time the vet got through with me it more like $1,200.00. 
He promised to get his W- 2 forms from the past years pay me all he owed me on child support and what he borrowed and the dog. Not only was he verbally physically and emotionally mean abusive to Micky, but he hates her he has no intentions of paying me anything for child support nor what he borrowed years ago what he borrowed now nor for Jackie. 
How much dumber can I get? He still visits every other day or so in my mind thoughts and heart I wish he wouldn't. I felt if giving him Jackie will keep him away it was worth it. He keeps coming around in the afternoons hanging around I keep wishing he would leave he never does I don't want to hurt his feelings again I guess he's just stupid. 
I let him spend the night once in awhile eat popcorn dinner watch TV get to be with Micky. When he tried to get sex again I turned him down so now he won't spend the night often anymore. He still has hopes that I want him still dreaming still borrowing money. He hates Micky only wants sex and to borrow money. 
Coleman, Angel, Leanard, Scotty, David, Bobby, Tommy, Bobby #2, Jeff, Billy, Woody, Kevin, David #2, Michael and all the men who raped me got most of my good years. I lost many years over men and have nothing or no one to show for any of it except tears sad memories which many are blocked out for instance I can barely remember what dad and mom looked like. 
Billy is gross stinks wreaks of alcohol has gingivitis cancer of the throat yet is extremely jealous. Constantly accusing me of being with men. If I mention another man's name I'm doing him. This man's imagination has done terrible things over the years or is it alcoholism or drugs? No one actually exist or is as much of reality to me as Jesus.
I have to materially take care of Micky she mistreats me something terrible. Worse comes to worse I have a nice 95 Dodge Dakota truck with an extended cab which I can't afford the insurance, but I can sleep in it. I was getting up courage and Faith to one more time write this book. 
The current events happening now while reading this thinking of it all are nightmares in the midst of writing it down once again. Something happened to bring me once again to poverty level. I wrote a full report of what happened to me. This report will be going to the EEOC which is the Department of Human Relations. Here is the report of what happened to me and on my job.
I wrote details in this report made numerous attempts at many lawyers researching everywhere for help researching on the net still have not gotten any help. This turn of event's has led me back to writing this book one more time plus losing everything once again. I applied for AFDC hopefully to at least get medicaid to pay for a doctor and Micky some glasses. 
The AFDC office and EEOC office scheduled me for the same day and time. I chose to go to EEOC first. I've waited for weeks maybe months to get help from the AFDC office so I chose to go to the EEOC to show them and get them to bring it to Mr. Aloma's attention what kind of people he has working for him. I'm losing everything again. 
Women know what we have to go through to get help from the AFDC office how hard it is to qualify for anything how long it takes. Systems=People who run our lives. I've been fighting with the unemployment office for months now. It will probably come down to sitting across a table facing Mr. Aloma to fight for unemployment or my job back. 
I don't understand why we have to go through so much pain fighting for something that has been put aside taken from your paychecks put into an account for you for when it is needed yet you have to fight these people for it. I had to close my bank account so I had no card to work with I can't do auctions nor sell anything on line without some kind of debit or credit card. 
I can't sell dolls toys antiques nor trolls like I planned on doing if something happened to my job again. Once again everything has been taken out of the way I have nothing, but HIS work to do concentrate solely on writing work for HIM writing my story once again. 
I mentioned long ago there may be five or six who knows how many times I will write this book before HE considers it WELL DONE MY CHILD. Farther than my means can take it without Jesus' help. I wrote a report for EEOC my last human hopes of making sure what general managers, managers and district leaders at Denny's has done to me will never do this to anyone else.
That didn't work out I lost the case. There is no place for me in Denny's anymore and no other Denny's will hire me in the restaurant business now. 
If this report or book comes of nothing I can sell my home to survive that won't last long if no one hires me and I can't sell dolls antiques trolls French Maid uniforms Cheerleader uniforms & stuff Nurses and School girl uniforms. Micky is having her operation on the 9th of July next month. Both adenoids and tonsils has to be removed. 
I no longer have to worry she will quit breathing in the night Faith is all I have. I'm praying I at least get to keep medicaid long enough for her surgery. After the report I will tell you what happened and by the way my book still has no happy ending and probably won't! Mr. Aloma said; "I will find out what that ass holes problem is why he was doing this it had to stop." 
I was scared feared for my life emotionally mentally physically psychologically traumatized. He scared me badly let me tell the story to someone you can totally understand what they did to me. I lost my job so I have no money and no qualifying resources so I'm a single mom trying to feed a child on what is left from the last paycheck. 
I can't afford a doctor can't get unemployment can't get hired anywhere because of this and the fact I'm a convicted felon. I don't know what will happen to us might have to sell my vehicle and home to survive. I don't know where I can go with this pain bleeding constant crying I can't control. 
If it wasn't for my daughter telling me not to think about it or talk about it I have no idea where this stress and pain would do to me. I have never called in sick in my life never late never partied proud of my position what I could do and accomplish. I could maintain stock clean cook get it done on time and handle my volume by myself! No one can say any different. 
My last day on my job was the day I couldn't take the pain stress yelling screaming and threats fearing for my life anymore he scared me so bad I was scared for my life to go to work that night first time in my life I called in sick. Kiss My Ass on March 12, 2003. No one understands I have a daughter to feed and cloth I'm all alone all she has. 
Neither of us have family or friends to turn to. My family all died in the same week were flown home to Kentucky to be buried in our family burial place. Most times no one gets back with me in EEOC or AFDC. I don't know where to go or what to do. When I file for worker's comp Unemployment Disability AFDC they tell me I can't have anything I didn't file a report. 
They won't understand how scared for my life I am of this man that did this to me scared for my life to go there for any reason. This man did me in. There was no way I could go back in there fearing for my life and health to work or fill out anything. 
My job title or position is Cook & Manager trainer I was severely harassed abused mistreated wrongfully terminated retaliated against over sexual Harassment by a manager and general manager. I am emotionally physically financially destroyed I have a perforated cystic peptic ulcer irritated. 
I love my job and have been with Denny's over 30 years never called in sick never out partying never late maintained being one of the top ten cooks in Orlando no one can discredit my job ability my work dependability performance presentation or timing. Managers in every Denny's in Orlando knows me and my work. No one can taint my reputation. 
Now I'm in so much emotional stress and pain scared for my life to go back into that restaurant any restaurant even to eat. I can't quit crying over this times when I can't bear this pain emotionally and physically. I was so scared for my life by the third day this man was doing this. 
I was crying so hard every day and night I was too scared for my life to go back to my job to fill out a report. I thought he would threaten my life or do all this to me again if I went back in there. I now have the opportunity to tell the entire story if I can maintain without breaking down or making the pain worse.
I'm a simple Hillbilly country women trying to figure out how to go about doing all this. I do have an appointment on the 13 of April with the EEOC which is the Department of Human resources this isn't going to go anywhere I'm sure. I'm afraid sometimes my pain and emotional trauma will effect her in a negative way with all she's going through in life also.
John another manager was putting his hands on the waitresses and women cooks asses breast and bodies hugging backing us all into walk in freezers and coolers. He kept hugging them feeling all over them telling them he wanted to fuck them. He hugged and felt all over a lot of the women servers. I kept watching listening to all of this. 
He kept telling me he wanted to fuck me every day. He would feel of my ass and breast and keep trying to hug me. I would push him away move away from him telling him I didn't want to be with anyone I didn't want to be touched. 
He kept backing me up into walk in coolers and freezers hugging me feeling my ass and breast trying to continually hug me telling me how badly he wanted to be with me and fuck me. Everyday he told me he hated his wife she was a bitch they had not had sex in many years she was dying of cancer. I kept pushing him away going about my work trying to ignore him. 
He asked me every day if he could come to my house get a back rub and have sex. For a long time I ignored the talk comments sexual advancements pushing him away from me trying to get away from him feeling all over me constantly trying to hug me. I kept telling him I was not interested. He did special things for me to prove he was sincere about me. 
I didn't pay any attention to him coming onto me or servers at first talking about our bodies constantly making sexual advances and comments to us all. Most back of the houses in Restaurants cooks servers managers and dishwashers always joke around sexually I blew it off as just that. I was used to being around this being a cook of over 25-35 years. 
The actual physical contact I thought was unprofessional wrong I still ignored it. It's hard to go up against anyone in management they are considered right they always win. Denny's Gods. I continued to ignore this keep doing my job. Every day Jamie and Mark the District Leader & manager relieved me late. 
Jamie had a daughter to get to school on time in turn after relieving me made my daughter late for school every day. Jamie and I were the only ones in the entire restaurant with small children. My daughter for two years I could never get to school on time. 
I would drive her 40 miles to a babysitter wait in the mornings for Jeanie to get her daughter to school pick up my daughter from the babysitter drive 40 miles home to try to get her to school on time. The school has threatened many times to take me to court put me in jail if my daughter doesn't start maintaining regular attendance. 
John wrote me a statement letter explaining the situation how it was my jobs fault my daughter was late every day. This had no influence impact bearing or importance to the school. I have the letter accompanying this statement copied and acknowledged by the school no bearing on the fact they want to take me to court and jail. 
These records will follow her to the next schools continue in efforts to take me to court. Jamie and Mark relieved me every morning an hour to two hours late yelling at me every morning. I did my volume have the line entirely stocked cleaned have the day shift's meats cooked off for their shift soups on all they had to do every day was what little prep I left them to do. 
I always came into a trashed un stocked line work twice as hard to clean and stock after the other two shifts left it to me like this. No one on the other shifts at any Denny's ever wants to clean they think and say, "It is grave yards job" this is NOT a rule they are just lazy. 
An example of her yelling at me for petty stuff, I told her one morning I did not put sausage in the drawer yet. There was plenty of sausage in the drawer already I wanted to leave an extra pan for the next shift. I always cooked off enough meats to take her or the next cook through their entire shift. 
They didn't have to do anything, but cook their shift God forbid anyone want to clean. Jamie and I were the only ones cleaning. She had become a very cook loved to cook and clean. She might not have liked it, but she did it when no one else would. Her mother Joanne has been a cook for many years. I have worked with her at many other Denny's. 
Jamie has big shoes to fill a hard mother to follow and impress. She made me cook off all day shift's meats. Getting things ready for day shift was not my job. I'm a team worker trained and trained myself to do what I am told by managers and higher authorities. What they say goes needs to be done whether it is fair or whether or not it is your job or not. 
I respected Jamie's position loved Jamie very much would do anything she told me to do. If I had went to her first with everything that happened I believe I would still have my job none of this would have come about. Jamie cared about everyone which always made the burden of her job much heavier.
Her and I had a lot of times so did many others when we would get into big arguments always mostly miscommunication or misunderstandings she would do her best to rectify any situation she could make right. I'm still a team worker and didn't mind. 
Since I was late getting my daughter to school she said; "It was no problem she would put the sausage in the drawer" then yelled at me complain behind my back to Mark for days over one incident like that. Mark came in relieved me yelling at me too. 
Not knowing I was under a lot stress because of Jamie yelling the school pressures of having to get the line cleaned up stocked on time though the other shifts always left the line trashed and un stocked. One example I was finishing the floors the last thing I did everyday. 
I had a small pile of trash nasty stuff I cleaned from the other shifts and my shift swept into a smaller pile after removing the biggest of the pile in front of the drain. All that needed to be done was to sweep it into a dust pan. Mark relieved me late all the time too. They always called me telling me they were going to be late my daughter's school don't care about all this.
Mark relieved me this morning late as usual most times an hour or so. I didn't care, but the school did. Mark said; "It was no problem he would finish this for me" then yelled at me complained to Jamie for days over it. These are only a few examples of them yelling at me all the time. I went to the Titusville store a couple of times. 
Mark was substituting for Tom, General Manager of the Titusville store while on vacation. I told him I couldn't take their complaining and yelling over petty stuff anymore please stop it talk with Jamie get her to stop it too. He said; "Yes no problem he would talk with Jamie." John was doing special things for me to prove he wanted me. 
He got them to quit yelling at me said; "He took care of it they will stop." I saw a box of black molding in the storage room. I asked John if he would ask Mr. Aloma if I could trade him a box of white ones I had at home. I was remodeling rebuilding my entire house it had no flours and no walls. 
John said; "He would give them to me if I let him come to my house for sex and a back rub." I was very lonesome been alone for many years. After many more special things he did for me such as getting me a good review to get a raise he knew over the years the men were getting anywhere from $3.00 to $4.00 dollars more per hour than I ever got.
I was a much harder working than any of them he recognized this about me. I started taking him serious thought he really did like me. After many times of saying, "No" one day he called my house asked if he could come out to my house I agreed. He came out the manager of my park slowed him down. He came to my house we had sex. 
After this I thought we had a special relationship I must be special to him. On the line while cooking the next night I watched him again hugging the women servers touching their asses and breast asking them to fuck him. He was standing not two feet from me turned to Shawn told her he would just love to fuck her. He also told this to Kelly, Muna and many others. 
I was hurt crying I was going to walk out going through the banquet door. On my way through the banquet room all of the women servers were in there talking about they were tired of John feeling all over their bodies asking them to have sex. No one knew I had sex with him I stayed and listened. Two of the waitresses and I was very close friends. 
I thought we were till it came down to everyone's job being at stake! I thought all of servers would step up tell the truth about what was going on. Lizard will tell you the truth about everything she knows she's that way nothing comes in front of the truth to her. Lizard kept warning me he was a liar not worth fooling with. She watched him doing this to servers. 
So did my best friend Terry the dishwasher. So did many others. After listening to them I was getting more and more upset depressed and hurt. Everyone wanted to know why I was leaving I told them I'm listening to all of you I'm the one that actually had sex with him. They all agreed if I would stay they would all back me up we would get him for sexual Harassment. 
I went back to the line to continue doing my job. No one knew I was crying. I was no longer interested in John at all hurt and confused. He backed me into the walk in cooler hugging me feeling of my ass and breast telling me he had the best time he had in all his life. I pushed him away told him I didn't want him touching me nor did I want anything to do with him. 
We both returned to the line. He asked me what was wrong. I told him some of the women were saying they were tired of him coming on to them feeling of them always asking for sex. John hated Kelly one of the servers and said; "That Bitch she's talking shit about me." I told him he was wrong. He said; "I'll go out there now and fire her." 
La Shawn, Lizard and Muna were listening. I told him he would be wrong if he fired her because I didn't mention any names. My partner Dan was listening to all this had been listening and watching for days. John went out front and fired Kelly. The next night a Saturday night I was so upset over all this crying all day. I could not go in and work with this man anymore. 
All the waitresses was so upset for the first time in my life I called into work sick. Shawn and Lizard called Mark the District Leader and told him. Mark was upset called me asking what was going on. I told him the entire story he said; "I will take care of everything for all of us." He was very upset told me John and his wife were his best friends. 
I was really scared what had I stepped into I'm telling on his best friend. He made me go into work that night no one would talk to anyone all night a lot of conflict and friction in the air. The next two days were my days off. I came in on my next scheduled night to work. Thursday night. My new partner Dan was there. They called him in to replace me. 
Jamie the General manager John the manager in question and Mark the District leader were all in the office. I asked the waitresses and Shawn directly what was going on they all clammed up said; "They did not know." What a nightmare I was so scared what was I walking into? I knew my job was over. 
Now that I'm gone the waitresses Shawn and Lizard in particular have been talking with a friend of mine who was my partner for over the last year or so admitted they done me wrong they missed me knew it was wrong what they did not speaking up when it mattered. Now I was gone taken out of my home store they were stuck with working with John. 
It was wrong he got to stay it was my home store I had been in off and on for over 10 years. I walked to the back of the house to go on the line and start working. My new partner was on the line. He said; "They called him please don't be mad at him." Mark told me to come to the break room to talk with him. He said; "I have to go into the office with Jamie, him and John."
He said; "John was denying lying out of everything." He said; "I have to go into the office confront John tell the entire story to all three of them." I was so scared trembling in tears upset and shaking. I didn't know what I should do at that point. I explained to Mark I wanted to drop the whole thing just do my job. 
I told them this is why I kept begging you to transfer to me another store so it wouldn't come to this. I wanted to avoid the entire thing forget it to keep from losing my job. I knew from past experiences in Denny's you do not go up against any manager. They will always make a fool out of you they will always be in the right in management's eyes. 
They always win employees can not ever win. I made it a religion of mine do not under NO circumstances go up against a manager alone. They will try everything to prove you a liar or a bad worker. Management always wins. Mark said; "I could no longer work there go home I no longer had a job there." 
I went home calmed down waited till I quit crying so hard then called Mr. Aloma the owner. Mr. Aloma is a very good man has always given anyone a job no matter what they have done in or to society no matter what they have done in the past he will still give them a job with no questions asked. 
He has cooks many employees who do no call no shows for days and weeks at a time over and over some of them he still lets them work. Dan the day shift cook had taken many weeks off without calling in. Many of Mr. Aloma's employees for years have been in and out of trouble in the past present and always will be in the future. Mr. Aloma stands by them gives anyone a job. 
He has loaned over the years a lot of money to a lot of employees some pay him back some don't he still gives them a job. He's a good man don't deserve the lying abusive stealing employees that come through his restaurant over the years. Mr. Aloma always hires them back. 
Jamie and Mark are basically very good people will most times go out of their way to help anyone not in this situation! I have been with Mr. Aloma off and on for a total of ten years. I never go to management for a job I have always went straight to Mr. Aloma. I called Mr. Aloma explained a little about what had been going on what all happened. 
He wanted to meet with me the next day at one of his other stores the John Young store. That day I could not make the meeting. The school called me in over my daughter being late all the time they held me up for a couple of hours. Mr. Aloma told Mark to put me in one of his other stores. Mark called me told me I had to go to work in the Titusville store. 
Over the years I worked for that store before Mr. Aloma owned it and after Mr. Aloma owned it off and on for four years. It had since then gone through many managers and general managers. Mark told me no one could take away the fact I was the best deep cleaner stocker prep cook and cook in the business no one could take that away from me.
Everyone in management are all either friends or relatives. Jamie's mother cooks on day shift at Titusville Denny's Joanne. I worked with her for many years in many other stores. Cindy and Jamie are sisters both manage different stores sometimes they are in the same store together they are Joanne's daughters.
Tom, John, Mark their wives are all friends. Tom being the General Manager of the Titusville store. I was happy to be able to keep working keep my job. I didn't know they had been talking together about what happened. I was there for two weeks Tom the general manager was on vacation. The day Tom came back no one knew there was going to be an inspection except me. 
I didn't know for sure I had a feeling Sharon was coming in that day. Of course I'm not going to tell everyone's real names not even inspectors as much as I would love to suck up to them tell them my story too. It is customary between cooks to let the next cook know what you had not done yet so they have the opportunity to do it they rarely do. 
I thought it very important the next cook finish what I could not get to. I told the relieving cook I thought Sharon would be in that day to inspect. I told Anthony I did not do the egg station nor one of the cold tables showed him which one I had not been able to get to. He said; "No problem he would do it." A couple of hours later Sharon came in to inspect. 
I busted my buns extra hard that night to get a good score as I always do. I had been trained and trained myself to leave the next shift with a stocked prepped and clean line. Anthony did not do the egg station nor he did not do the cold table. He was caught with an entire days prep work laying out all over the sinks together food off all kinds laying everywhere together. 
This could cause a number of diseases cross contamination maybe even causing salmonella staphylococcus or even botulism. None of the food he had out was up to temp either it laid out waiting for him to get to it or the food laid out together. We still got a pretty good score in the high 80s. When Tom came in that next morning I was finishing bricking cleaning the second grill.
Which no one ever cleans nor bricks the grills or anything else for that matter. No one has ever cleaned on other shifts at any Denny's Restaurants. They do a quick wipe down and haul ass. This is NOT a RULE that graveyard has to do all the cleaning! No one in the store was bricking the grills except for me I have never come into a stocked cleaned line. 
All the cooks at that store and many other stores many times he said; "Mary you are the only one that has ever left the line close to 100%." Managers and cooks have always said; "I was the best closer they have ever followed." Joanne came in to relieve me. Jamie and Cindy's mother. Cindy was standing next to me on my left Joanne on the other side of me to the right.
The day waitress Connie was standing in front of the window which separates cooks from the waitresses. Tom came on the line yelled at me not inches away from my face really loud! You Miss Mary I want you to come with me now! I want you in my office NOW! I want to talk to you. 
I said; "Ok let me finish bricking this grill I'll be right there I have a few more items to stock." He yelled really loud in my face saying, "NO when I tell you to come to me you come to me NOW! My employees especially women employees come to me when I tell them to you are no exception." He was still yelling very loudly saying, "You do what I tell you to do. 
I'm in charge here this is my restaurant." Still yelling loudly he said; "I helped Sharon (the inspector) write the spec book. I know the specs better than you or anyone else does. I have been with Denny's since day one many years you are nothing you know nothing I can destroy you." 
Everyone's eyes were getting big listening to this man make a fool out of himself yelling at me so loudly close to my face they were feeling sorry for me. I didn't feel it was important anymore how long any of us had been with Denny's Restaurant. Most of us old timers have gotten over whose who and whose been there the longest who knows the most. It's a job pays ours bills.
Joanne and I had been with Denny's in many different restaurants over the years that didn't make nor give us the right to talk down to one another or brag constantly about our experience or years with Denny's. I have been with Denny's Restaurants for over 35 years who cares anymore it feeds my daughter keeps a roof over our heads a bed to sleep in at nights. 
In my case a bed to sleep in during the day when and if I ever got to do that. I was in tears at this point holding them back. I was walking behind him following him to go into the office with him I grabbed a box of onion rings to stock the drawer wanting to leave Joanne fully stocked as I always have done. Tom turned to me got back up into my face once again yelling at me. 
He said; "I told you Miss Mary to stop what you are doing come with me. No one goes against me. Are you stupid? You do what I say to do. You do not work for Mr. Aloma you do not work for Mark you do not work for any of them people anymore. You belong to me now. This is my store when I tell you to do something you do it right now." 
Mark is still the District Leader of three stores Mr. Aloma is the owner of all three stores how could this man be telling me I don't work for them? Yes I do work for them I didn't say anything to him yet. When we got into the office I said; "Excuse me can I talk now? I owe Mr. Aloma a lot. I have every respect in the world for Mr. Aloma I owe that man to work for him."
Tom interrupted me got a few inches away from my face pushed his finger on my chest yelled really loud saying, "I did not tell you could talk. You can respect anyone you want, but you don't work for them anymore! Did I say, "You could talk? Did I tell you to talk? You shut up don't talk in my presence until I am done only when I tell you can talk."
The entire time yelling right into my face really loudly still pushing at my chest saying, "Step up to the plate take the blame for ice not being under the inserts which made the tuna salad not up to temp." Still yelling really loudly everyone outside could hear him continued yelling saying; "It's all your fault step up to the plate your nothing! I know more than you will ever know."
I said; "I asked Anthony to please finish up I had not done that cold table" yet he did not do it. He interrupted me again still yelling loudly pushing on me saying, "Did I say you could talk yet? No it is your fault no one else's step up to the plate Miss Mary who are you to talk when I told you not to talk? You were supposed to put ice under those inserts."
I said; "No one has ever put ice under those inserts no one has ever told me there was supposed to be ice under them. If I had ever seen ice there before I would have in turn put ice under them. If I have never seen ice under those inserts if I have never been told they needed ice under them how am I supposed to know you want ice under those inserts?"
He yelled interrupted me again in my face pushing on my chest loudly saying; "Did I tell you to talk yet? No! I did not tell you to talk. Step up to the plate Miss Mary you have been a cook long enough to know the tuna salad was not up to temp. Therefore you should have known to put ice under those inserts." 
I said; "It's a rule there should at all times be a bio therm supplied to each cook by the company to check the temperatures. We do not have access to getting or ordering them. Or there should be a bio therm on the line." He again interrupted me yelling loudly still saying, "Did I tell you to talk yet? Are you that dumb to talk when I said you can not talk? 
You should have asked one of the managers to get you a bio therm. Why did you not ask Cindy to get you one?" Cindy, Joanne and Connie were standing outside the door listening to this bullshit feeling sorry for me. He continued yelling poking my chest saying, "Step up to the plate Miss Mary no matter what you say this is your fault you aren't having sex with me too are you?" 
I said; "How did you know about that? If the inserts need ice under them this means our cold table does not work properly needs to be fixed." He interrupted me again poking at me still yelling loudly saying, "Again you talked when I said don't talk. My cold tables work just fine. Step up to the plate Miss Mary."
I said; "Your cold tables do not work properly if the inserts need ice under them." Again yelling he said; "You do have a point, but you still talked when I have not said you could you need to take the blame step up to the plate Miss Mary." I was getting sick of hearing this phrase. 
Joanne and Cindy had enough of this knocked on the door it had been over an hour since he started yelling poking at my chest. Cindy said; "My purse is in there we both need to go home." Cindy had been working side by side with me all night as did all the mangers every night getting the line cleaned and prep done. This was my chance to dart out the room. 
I clocked out barely holding tears back trying to hurry so no one would see me crying. Connie the day waitress had been listening outside the door with them I had to pass through three of them listening to escape get clocked out.
I was sweaty tired and so upset that I said; "Fucking dick head" as I walked by Connie knowing she would go tell him she tells everything hears everything knows everything runs not walks to Tom with everything she can. Brown nose we call this in this business. Connie said; "WOW. I said; "Yeah WOW what a dick head!" She said; "Yeah we all know he his." 
I held it back till I got in my truck then broke down in tears. I had been through so much in my years with Denny's this was not just another straw on my camel's back this was bricks being loaded on that poor camel's back. I was crying so hard I tried calming down so my eyes wouldn't be so sweaty and could make it home safely again didn't get my daughter to school on time. 
I couldn't calm down I cried all the way home made it there to be able to break down cry harder. My daughter was so upset worried saying, "Please mom calm down enough to tell me who did this to you. What happened to you?" I was thinking surely this man won't do this to me tomorrow morning. He made his point it should be over with I can work and keep my job. 
I called Mark the district leader told him everything. He said; "He would call Tom find out why he did this to me find out what his major malfunction is." Mark said; "Just go on back to work it will be ok I will take care of this." Mark seemed to be a little bit upset about the fact Tom said; "I didn't work for him or Mr. Aloma I belonged to him only him now."
The next morning I made sure the entire line was totally cleaned stocked grills cleaned and bricked there WAS ice under his inserts. Surely this will make him happy with me make him like me. When Tom came in he did not look at my line or my work. He did the exact same words and scenario I just described. 
Except the only thing added to the conversation was he said; "I was told what you said about me on your way out yesterday." Still yelling loudly poking at my chest saying, "Step up to the plate Miss Mary. You called me an ass hole." 
Joanne, Cindy and Connie were listening outside the door again and before when he took me off the line yelling loud enough to hear in the parking lot. He took me off the line that morning the same way I described from the day before. I said; "No SIR I did not call you an ass hole SIR I called you a Dick Head! SIR!"
Over and over for over an hour he poked at my chest yelling loudly! He was yelling saying, "I have eyes everywhere I know everything that is done at night or during the day. Everything that is said everything that is done I know about it!" I was thinking no you just have a lot of brown noses and snitches working here I didn't say anything. Kiss My Ass!
By the time he got through with me this time I was crying before I got out of the restaurant. My ulcer started hurting I started bleeding and I don't have periods anymore! I was so hurt depressed sick not only crying hard sweat pouring mixing with tears I was in real pain a lot of pain. 
I have a huge scar on my belly from a perforated cystic peptic ulcer I have not had any problems with it for many years till now I was in real pain sick. I cried before I left after I left all that day. I made it home safely my daughter was again late for school. I knew better than to talk at all next time. I thought surely this isn't going to happen again. 
No way he can keep carrying this on every morning. It's got to be over with. I was so scared for my life I told Cindy the next morning I'm scared I'm really scared of Tom. She said; "I don't blame you." My ulcer is hurting I'm sick and bleeding too I'm going to clock out haul ass before he gets here ok?
She said; "I totally understand under the circumstances what he did to me was doing to me it was ok with her." I looked over the counter into the restaurant he was coming in the door. I took a deep breath said; "OH GOD here he comes." 
My heart was pounding going into my throat as he walked towards me pulled me off the line the same way as the last two days I described. I stood there with everything I had in me holding it back didn't say a word through the entire hour he repeated all of this over and over again steady pushing at my chest. I kept quiet holding it back was really getting hard at this point. 
He added one extra statement other than the things described from the last two days while still yelling screaming loudly in my face pushing at my chest he said; "You don't understand Miss Mary I can destroy you and your life!" I was thinking you have already destroyed me and my life. I have had it my mind body and soul just can't take this ever again! 
I was shaking so hard thinking while trying to make it to my truck trying to make my way home safely. All that day I was crying hard once again through sweat and tears. Got my daughter to school once again late I told Micky I will never as long as I breath on this earth walk into a restaurant ever again for any reason any purpose not even to eat! 
I was destroyed emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. For the first time in my entire life I called in sick to work that Saturday night. There was no way I could let this man do this to me again. Every time I told anyone what happened I totally broke down so bad I could not plainly talk or even finish the story. I'm praying he never does this to anyone else. 
I was so scared of this man too scared to even think I was supposed to go back in there to fill out a report or maybe to have even called the law on him. I was so scared for my life I was crying so hard in so much pain there was no way I could put my life in danger go back in there where that man Tom could get hold of me again. 
For the last few weeks after all that happened I couldn't quit crying or hurting. I have a daughter to feed no insurance no money no qualifying resources no AFDC $60.00 a week in child support Support Kid's.com take 30 some odd percent out of the child support checks for their fee I only get $60.00 a week. I can't afford a lawyer or attorney I've spoken to a lot. 
I don't qualify for medicaid to get a doctor. I have to wait on the long fight with the unemployment office to go to court I guess with that too. I'm screwed out of life and a job I loved dearly and was proud of. It never meant anything to me that I was a better cook and a harder worker than most men, but never got paid what they got paid. 
It was to me a job, a position I was proud I had done all these years and maintained ranking in the top ten cooks in Denny's. I have since that day researched contacted every lawyer I find on the Internet phone book bottom line is I can't afford to pay them. I went to get my last check today 04-03-03. 
I was too scared emotionally torn up scared for my life to go in there where that man was to get it. Before I got there I was so scared for my life I was petrified Tom would be there. My heart was pounding I almost got sick I was so scared and upset. When I walked in I almost fainted when I heard Tom's voice. I first asked Connie for a statement of what happened. 
When I heard his voice I felt my life in danger felt threatened by his presence. I told Connie just please go tell him to give you the check let me make it safely out of there. I heard her tell him the nerve of her she wanted me to write a statement about what you did to her can you believe she wants statements? She handed me my check I saw him coming towards me. 
Connie should do the right thing I doubt it. All of them in both stores should do the right thing. She can tell you I was white with fear ran out that door before he could make it to me. My last day there was March 12, 2003. This started with Tom three days before this date that would have been March 10, 2003. 
I'm still sick with my ulcer still bleeding especially after today's encounter with him. I called Mark the District Leader on March 09, 2003 told him what Tom was doing. He said; "He would call him find out what his problem was. Find out why he was doing this to me tell him this had to stop. 
I was pulled into school again for a meeting over the periods of time Jamie, Mark and Tom made me late getting my daughter to school. They are still threatening to take me to court send me to jail it was my job's fault not mine nor my daughter's. Some was her fault she was beginning to get an attitude about going to school she took forever to get ready. 
I could not get her to get her clothing the day before pick up after herself nor I could I get her to be clean about her hygiene. I have not found an opening anywhere and have been home with her so this should prove it was their fault she has not missed any time been there on time. I was getting stressed with the managers treating me like shit. 
Not being able to find a job not knowing how I was going to manage everything no dependable vehicle now no dependable babysitter and the school constantly threatening to send me to jail. This was only the beginning of another long drawn out nightmare. I know most all restaurants. 
I consider other restaurants very clean on sanitation restrooms the cooking line walk-ins freezers etc...Denny's however is one of the grossest restaurants I've ever worked for. Their lines or cook strips well I've never eaten there neither will my daughter. Inspectors look over a lot of gross shit. Most of the cooks have been in Denny's for a long time not one in particular. 
We are so mistreated by management it's hard to stay in one for a long period of time. For now I'm going fishing. That's as happy of an ending as I can come up with for now. I did get approved for unemployment $224.00 a week. For a year is my understanding. If you qualify you can apply for an extension. I did get to keep my daughter's medicaid for awhile anyway. 
She is scheduled for surgery on the 9th of July. If I get a job somewhere she will not be able to get surgery there is no way of paying for it because she would no longer qualify. I have been to dozens of Denny's and dozens of other restaurants and many other places of business. 
They either won't hire me because of what happened on my previous job or the no rehires at all the Denny's or the fact I am a convicted felon three times over. I have contacted and tried to find people in higher positions in Denny's corporate and franchises over the years trying to locate people who knew me that had power or knew how to get unfair no rehires lifted. 
Someone who know my work maybe not me personally, but my work who could help. Nothing ever comes from my work and research. I could mention a list of names very familiar to those who have been with Denny's for long periods of time's who are in higher offices which could help all I've gotten from any of them is I'll see what I can do for you Mary.
By the way I lost count on many times I've written and rewritten this book. I wrote everything down on paper in my handwriting statements of what happened to me at work. I put them on a floppy disk sent all this to the investigator from EEOC. I also sent a copy to Mr. Aloma so he would know the entire truth of what all happened. 
A lady called from EEOC evidently the investigator. We talked for over two hours about what happened. She got my material and read it. Said she would call the next day after she goes over everything a few times. This camel's back is feeling the years of piled up straw I need to dump this load once in awhile. EEOC has refused to move further with what Tom did to me.
Bottom line was Florida is a right to work state Denny's nor Tom has done anything against the law. This will go against me in job interviews too plus Mr. Aloma will never give me a job again. They gotta stop the production of straw. I feel our entire society the system failed me raped by society and our system. 
EEOC told me I would not need a lawyer they said; "That's what they are there for." I know now they were wrong poor people can't get lawyers. The wonderful things I've heard and seen on the Internet saying, "How great EEOC is listing all the business they've went after." Including many Denny's. There's that one minute behind in life thing again. 
Sometimes I feel maybe God is only for salvation and our blessings are after death not for material things or help in this life this place and time we call reality. Yet I've seen and experienced, felt, heard and witnessed many unexplained visions that really happened, slaying of spirits, the passing hand of death. 
Dreams that are persistant and happen almost immediately after the third dream, speaking in tongues the real things folks. Remember my dad was a Pentecost Oneness Preacher all my childhood I DO know the real thing from the fake! How is all things explained away so easily? I have two more ideas before I call it quits on life. 
I got another bank account I'm going to try to go back into selling on eBay only dolls trolls antiques maybe a fetish here and there such as School girl uniforms, French Maids, Cheerleader uniforms, lingerie and the like. I also will hunt Sharon. The inspector who inspects all the Denny's for many years behind my work. Pray she will read my book. 
I think she may find this book very interesting. I'm going one step further I'm enclosing a letter stating how towards the middle of this book will start getting interesting to her. I'm going to be brave enough to ask her to help me get a job somewhere. Help me get the no rehires lifted. Maybe even be an inspector with her. I would be very good at this job. 
I've worked in every Denny's from Sarasota to Titusville to Miami. If I have nothing else in this world I can be as depressed as I want cry if I want, but I get at least a corner smile which most times over powers the hurt and depression turning to good happy tears. God promised over and over "I will put all your enemies at your feet!" 
I try to deal with things rationally and calmly HE didn't say I couldn't have a baseball bat in my hands and in every corner of the house. Two neighbor boys got together thought it was funny to shoot the girls with a bee bee gun not realizing the damage a bee bee does. The boys locked the girls in an old dryer wouldn't let them out. 
They were going to shoot them when they let them out the girls got loose they ran and called the law. The law caught the boys with the gun took the gun. I told them don't do anything to them just scare them trying to calm the situation down before it got out of hand. The neighbors blamed me started an outright war. Most incidents always turned around on them backfires. 
Our last verbal words she said; "I hope my kid nails your daughter." I turned said something worthy of days past unexpected even by me I said; "Your son has balls so you gotta get some metal wear for them cause she's gonna nail his balls!" She couldn't out do that one, but called me every name in the book some were not in the book then stomped off furious.
After weeks of giving them cigarettes antiques many dolls and toys beer and coffee when they were out oh then she wanted to be friends again FRIENDS? HUMPH! HUMBUG! Yeah right? Don't you have a bigger sharper knife for my back? This one has been clean through my back too many times it's made a hole twisting so much.
I started paying Mia Lopez Lyons to baby sit while I worked. I thought it strange every time I paid them it came out to over $40.00 to $50.00 a day. We went to a lot of places together such as Universal Studios, Wet-N-Wild etc...I didn't know she was double charging me saying, "It's a simple fact Micky was with us we helped watch her so I owe them extra for that day."
They never watched her most times her and her daughter were always stealing from people or stores. Micky and I always left not wanting to be involved. Mia's kidney was enlarged she says, "Me being her best friend (HA!) would I take her to the hospital?" I said; "Not on your death bed!" She was furious then said; "Oh well will you pick me up?" 
Again I said; "Not on your death bed." She wasn't sick wasn't going to the hospital what she did do was tore down my huge gate. She was so angry stormed in my yard and house threatening to kill me. I watched her tearing my gate down it was taking her an awful long time. 
I stood on my porch talking calmly with one of my baseball bats firmly in hand yet resting on it's head thinking please don't make me use this. I taped her conversation on the phone like the officers advised me to do. On tape she says, "She will kill me put me in the morgue." 
I told her you know how I am about directions you need to give me directions I'll never find this morgue on my own. I didn't catch enough fish to bring home for a meal. Ya gotta have at least one turtle one bass a good size catfish or more for me to consider it worth their lives to take them home to eat. 
Catfish, turtles, frog legs, rabbit, lamb or hog balls or brains and bass things of nature are rare and expensive in restaurants or stores. It's a luxury to have fresh catfish, bass or turtle. Saves me money too. I felt guilty Micky loves catfish and turtle. She understands it's a waste of the fish's life. 
They survived this long they deserve their life back or as God and nature intends they are on our dinner table. I made a friend for life with catfish a friend I could have been close with talk to confide in yet a stranger. Weeks before I caught enough catfish to share with the family next door. I've stayed to myself now for many years inviting no one into my home or heart! 
The law has been here along with the HRS and County inspectors many times only because nosey neighbors called them. Micky tutored our neighbor's two children taught them to read write and enjoy doing so. I've tried showing them I'm good people by letting HIM guide the way. I broke up a fight in my yard. 
An older much bigger kid was hitting pushing bossing the smaller children. Taking full advantage her parents were not home they don't discipline her so she can do whatever she wants to the little kids. She never knew all this time I had been watching her. She had been the neighborhood bully for quite awhile now. All the smaller children were afraid of her. 
I ran her off told her how long I had been watching she was to never come near my child nor the other children or I would run her off every time from here on. She told her parents I pulled a knife on her. Later the sheriff was at my house handcuffing me reading me my rights! I would have went to prison for more than 15 years. 
That is what the last orders were from the judge. If anything else happens in my life I go to prison day to day with no gain time for 4 X 15 years. After harassing me handcuffing me he was ready to book me. Micky and I were able to convince them I didn't pull a knife on anyone. Neighbors had the HRS doing regular visits to my house. 
They told them I was doing pornographic things on the Internet with Micky. I had no clue Micky was with the neighbors calling the HRS on me with them. For a lot of years this went on without me knowing it was Micky instigating the neighbors. I do sell fetishes over the Internet e.g.: Adult size Cheerleader Uniforms, Adult size School Girl Uniforms, Adult size French Maid Uniforms etc...
Nothing of pornographic nature AND Micky is certainly not involved in anything. After about a year of investigating harassing me they finally closed the case confident convinced I was not doing anything of pornographic nature with my daughter. It made the neighbors really pissed every thing they tried to do to me always back fired on them. 
The county inspector told me how sorry he was he had to keep harassing me to get a permits for my storage shed and privacy fence. He said; "Normally where I live (*I knew this too) most all homes and buildings are grand fathered in. We don't normally push these issues in this area, but your neighbors call every day." 
I had to get the building hurricane ready and make sure it was located so many yards from any other structures even the fence. I had to take pictures at all angles then pay a company to make two sets of blueprints, one for the shed and one for the fence. Then I had to pay another company to put their name or seal of approval on them. 
Then take all this to the court house to prove it to them which took three trips. Then pay them for their signature of approval. All this bullshit makes my fence and storage shed legal and makes things registered eehaw right. This wasn't enough to get the Neighbors to leave me alone they poisoned my Cinnamon Chow Bear. 
She loved me so much never asked for nothing to love and protect me except food water shelter and love in return. No more than kids ask of you. I still did nothing to them I put it in God's hands. I could be like I was in the days gone by option 1-Burn their asses out option 2-Kill their dogs option 3-Shoot them not a problem. 
I've seen felt and experienced how when something is put into the Lord's hands under no circumstances interfere. The following week I caught enough catfish to share with my neighbor's entire family. I thought at first it was only enough for Micky and I. I offered her husband some she was furious said; "I don't want any stinking fish on my property. 
She will not clean them nor cook them." A plate of steaming hot catfish, hush puppies, corn on the cob, cole slaw and sweet corn bread aroma filling the air cleaned and cooked was before her husband's nose. He said; "It had been so long he since he had eaten catfish." Most men adore catfish. She was ok with this since she didn't have to catch clean nor cook them. 
She didn't have to participate in any of the smelly nasty disgusting process of nailing their heads to a board cleaning gutting filleting soaking out the wild taste and cooking. Their was enough for Micky and me two plates her husband two plates her and her children a couple of plates. That man thought the world of me for doing that. 
If I didn't accomplish anything else I was showing them through my actions either I was a good person or Jesus' spirit is showing through or I'm a good fisher. I made a friend of him and his family. His children have always come to my home sometimes leaving with amazing beautiful dolls and toys as do most all children or even adults. 
They see a doll or toy they really like or maybe associate one with their family or childhood I give it to them no matter what the cost was to me. If a doll or toy will make someone happy if only for briefly it was worth it. It's quiet it's midnight I'm editing my story. Scared the shit out of me a huge knock like the fucking cops do. 
Terry my fish eating neighbor didn't know where to turn or go. No family nor friends awake or around no one present nor awake for him to talk to or do anything with. He couldn't take the chance of anyone waking up finding out what he was doing. In the dead of the night no one to turn to for help he came to me. 
All coked up on cocaine snot mixed with cocaine powder all over his face sweat dripping from his nose and chin freaking out scared for his life. You could see fear in his face and actions. His first experience with cocaine. He could not call any of his friends nor could he take the chance waking his children or wife for fear they would know something was wrong. 
Or think the wrong things or find out what he was on. What would thinking the wrong thing consist of? IT'S COCAINE IT'S WRONG! It would devastate his wife or children to find out her husband their dad is on cocaine not knowing nor understanding the power affects or the befores and afters of cocaine. 
At first I wanted to tell him it's not my problem go home to your wife and kids face up to what you've done. Explain things to her it's not like she's all that innocent don't know about these things. He was afraid of losing them, but their respect trust and the security a father and husband is supposed to provide would be shattered. 
He knew I had done drugs in the past the catfish and my hillbilly ways he trusted me. He thought I would know what to do to help him not only come down a little, but to help him ride out the storm so to speak. He said; "He knew I would know what to do." The most you can do is ride the storm out with them most times it's a matter of time and patience.
The important thing would be first a cold shower to clean off the sweat, snot and coke then come down a tad. I occupied his mind with something that will last for hours not pertaining to or opening doors for sexual advancement. He did keep trying to fuck me I had to keep his mind off sex, his wife is right next door we are good friends.
If he would do cocaine then sex from another woman would not make him feel shame nor guilt. I entertained him talked with him all night. I even helped him get the lines laid out showed him how to get the rest of the cocaine off the baggy and out of the straw. 
They are going to do it anyway no matter what you do or say if it's in their possession they will hide or go somewhere else to do it. You might as well be there for them and help them. You can only tell them your experiences what it leads to the pros and cons. Nothing you can do or say will stop the person from doing it. 
Let them weigh out the consequences themselves mull over everything that was said and done while they were doing the drug. Prayerfully something I did or said will hit home with him. Reality was he's a hard working good hearted faithful man has a good woman a wife and children don't let cocaine take your money possessions dignity your wife or children or your own life! 
To keep his mind occupied I thought of letting him read some of my book. I know from experience at the beginning of any serious drug whatever you are doing at that moment will become more intense hold your attention. If I can get him interested in reading or listening to me read it help mellow him out occupy his mind so he won't be hounding me for pussy. 
He was hypnotized didn't want to stop reading almost crying the entire time. Most times his mouth was wide open in disbelief. Twelve pages through he was holding back tears through the entire story. It was like he and I was reading someone else's life story. 
It's hard to imagine living through all this sometimes it seems as though it never happened then why is it stored in my memory. It all could not have happened not for real, but it did. He said; "WOW That's really good writing did it all really happen to you? Did anything good ever come your way in life? Did you ever have it good with a man? Did any man ever treat you right? 
I'm so sorry all that happened to you I had no idea. It's got to be the hillbilly survivor in you." In the frame of mind he was in everything being more intensified tears by this time he said; I can't take any more of this I can't imagine anyone going through this much shit. It was nearing day light. I told him he needs to go home to his wife and kids. 
Don't waste household money on cocaine. Look your wife and children in the face appreciate love the Blessings you've been given. I know he thought hard on everything said and done that night. How I stayed his friend didn't let him get carried away or do something he would regret. He tried all night to have sex. 
Knowing he couldn't anyway not on cocaine knowing what he had at home right next door. Knowing he truly loves them I would not let this happen. Especially with snot all over him sweat mixing in with coke. Micky has gotten a lot of first hand experience with sex and drugs the before during and after affects and consequences. 
I left some of the cocaine tools used to do cocaine in front of the computer another first hand experience. I wanted her to know what it looks like what it does to you what tools and things people rig up use to do this drug with. What different forms and effects it takes when cooked stepped on or cut. 
Terry (*the coked up neighbor) was starting to come over more often all coked up trying harder to have sex with me. He was getting not just aggravating it was getting almost forceful. It was getting harder each time to get rid of him. 
A few days later Micky was to get more first hand experience with drugs this time it would be serious affects and consequences of abuse of alcohol cigarettes and heroine cocaine's cousin and accompanying friends a lethal deadly combination. I was witnessing for the first time Micky show real honest sincere believable emotions. 
The child is cold fake false with no emotions nor tolerance for life's hollow promises. Her feelings emotions are froze void of any meaning unless it's for her sake. Shaken by the way her father is depressed in the daily growing pain of not having relatives those people that are usually called grandpa grandma aunt uncle cousins brothers or sisters?
Dad wasn't worthy of being called dad to me just words society uses to make movies with. Micky is beautiful in more ways than most children she is spiritually gifted can't tell it shows up at some eye opening rare occasions awes everyone! Morally strong taught by my detailed experiences, street wise without the physical traumas of actually being stuck there. 
She is highly gifted in reading the difference being inhaling, retaining, comprehending, re-evaluating everything to put perspectives into her terms. Extremely intelligent motivation I'm working with her on, but only on what she wants to work on. She doesn't want rules guidance nor any human interference. I say, "She has to become a publisher for my book kidding." 
She knows my feelings of how none of my children fought their way back to me. In this aspect end being I blame my children for not fighting with everything in them to be with me. The first two were babies later in life several times they had the opportunity to fight to be with me they didn't. Micky fights to the end not letting me out of her sight. 
The years of separation and being incarcerated has confirmed her fears of what it's like without a mother and what the law, people even loved ones can and will do to each other. I believe even the law would have a true battle trying to separate us again I could be wrong. 
You've heard the joke about the statue of liberty with a rifle in her arms saying, "The most dangerous place is between a child and the mother?" I've heard at least once in my life of how my children turned out what they've done what they have become. It was only hear say from my sister that time they visited me at the jail once at my house. 
Did they do such a better job at raising them than I would have? Would their lives and morals be different better or worse? I know I'd be even poorer than I am. I would have still given it my all! Years ago Katy, Tommy's mother found me and called me. She said; "I owe them years of child support." 
I said; "Excuse me you stole my children you stole our life away from us you stole their childhood from me. Now they are grown aren't cute little puppies you stole my babies many years ago now they have turned out bad you want me to pay? Is it that the fascination and challenge to take them from me or destroy me has turned into your nightmare? Now you say, "I owe you?" 
How ironic they never got child support from me would I have gotten it from Tommy? Throughout my life not a day passes without the sad thoughts of ALL my children. My memories will always be of what they looked like how they were when they were children the way they looked and were when snatched from my life. Not one child, but four taken by different people. 
Leaving me no choice, but to drown somehow put all this pain somewhere like in alcohol, but through alcoholism many times overdosing I led a life of constantly finding a way to get out of it. The hurt will never go away will never heal nor fix itself like you see happening on real life movies. 
Even if we were reunited at this point the fear of what they have become is overwhelming fear of what they would do to my emotions and life all over again making the pain worse. I don't want to be a grandmother either so I don't want to know. 
The pain of that many children being taken the way each of them were taken is so overwhelming I could not imagine the joy of ever seeing all my children all at once. I know in my heart past all my mistakes their morals right and wrong would be like as the mustard seed planted. Would they have morals and standards? 
The ones who stole my children robbed us of our life together has done more damage to them. No matter what they are doing or have become the pain remains unchanged no fairy tale happily ever after ending. No one ever told the extended version of Cinderella maybe it wasn't so happily ever after either who knows or she was catering to a frog. 
A lot of things in life are blocked from my memory such as I barely remember what mom dad grandmothers grandfathers aunts uncles brothers and sisters look like and the lives we were all supposed to have had together. Not many memories except for the ones I have written here. 
Are there NO good memories does this mean there were no good times or I only choose to remember the bad stuff that happened? Micky desperately needs surgery. I try to sleep at different times than her for fear she will quit breathing. That's how bad they are. 
She sleeps with her mouth wide open all night drying out her mouth tonsils and adenoids making them even more irritated and swollen. They are so enlarged they choke her while she sleeps she sleeps so sound almost nothing can disturb her. I have fought over the years with AFDC, medicaid, Stay Healthy, Healthy Kids and Stay Well. Any program I didn't mention? 
She has been switched back and forth from program to program. Every time I get her past the doctor scheduled for surgery they either drop us or switch programs. Now they have her on this wonderful government program I didn't know about again till I got her admitted into the facility. It's called Medically Needy. Ha! What a name for that program what a joke! 
It's got a $1,059.00 deductible. The facility agreed to participate, but the surgeon's money comes first. His amount does not reach the deductible amount he refused to participate. Back to square one. I went three times to different offices trying to explain to them I have not gotten child support for over 6 months. I should qualify for something better than this. 
Support Kids gets 30% of the child support even the small amount they gave back to me helped now even it's stopped. Unemployment is running out. No one will hire me. Most all Denny's in Orlando everyone knows everyone and everything. They won't hire me because of everything that has happened at each Denny's especially this last time. 
Also because I'm a convicted felon 9 times over legal prison points. At what point in one's life are you ever not a convicted felon? Do I ever get to say, "No" to this question? When in life will I not have to lie on an application or get turned down for jobs I lied or they ran me through the system found out or did a criminal search make up the we're not hiring to get rid of me. 
Or we can't hire you because you told the truth? At what point when in life is my debt to society considered paid? I can't even get into one of those ritzy apartments because they do criminal checks. There was some confusion with the child support payments. Somewhere they were holding a check for $1,018.00 in back pay on child support. I located it. 
It was sitting in the hands of the State disbursement unit. Before this I talked with a man from the disbursement unit. He said; if I wanted Support Kids to stop getting 30% of the child support every week I need to notarize a statement stating the fact I want to relinquish or stop all dealings abate my relationship with Support Kids.com. 
They had gotten a considerable amount of fees from the child support payments. I had to specifically state I do not want Support Kids.com to take any more money fees or funds out of my child support payments. I want the entire amount to come to me. After I did this it must have confused the system. 
The disbursement unit could not decide who the money legally belonged to. This would be a long fight to get this money. After Billy said that against God that he was not worth quitting drinking for I had no more respect no more nothing for this man. That was blasphemy against Jesus God the Holy Spirit how low can one go. 
I surely don't want to be in his shoes if he were to be taking that last breath leaving this life without making that one right nor do I want to be with him. I still didn't have much of a plan a few bucks was all I had going for me. One of the waitresses Jamie said; "Micky and I could come stay with her and told me to make yourself at home." She gave me a key to her apartment. 
All the waitresses there including her mother Joann knew how Billy treated us how we were living and wanted to see us leave him they were willing to help almost any way they could. Billy and I had been having pretty big fights over not giving him anymore money. He wanted to play darts in the upcoming tournament. 
He was in that bar every night darts or no darts he gets plenty of beer and partying. Sometimes it seemed as though he was doing rock. Steve came into check on me while we were working. Billy kept watching us I could see anger in his eyes jealousy written all over his face. He was starting to scare me with his anger for the last couple of weeks. 
I was beginning to think he may get violent over this. Steve said; "He would help me get out of the restaurant if I wanted to leave right then." I looked at Billy who was still staring with squinting eyes questioning looks and anger his face was so red. 
He looked like something from a horror movie with all the beer and alcohol sweating out dripping all over his face forehead shirt and people's food. All the waitresses always talked about him made fun of him. They hated him cooking on their line having to serve the food he cooks. They all felt sorry for me they liked me a lot wanted to see me get away from him. 
Jamie her mother and two other waitresses were sitting with us. They were talking of how I should leave with Billy right now go get Micky they would inform each other to keep Billy busy keep him out of view. We told the owner's Bob and Tina which were old friends of both of us they agreed to help me.
Keith, the lead and breakfast cook, Bob's brother cooked with us both for many years at Denny's as did his two brothers. They always talked about getting away from Denny's. They finally did it. I went to work for them now this story. They agreed to help me make my get away. I was to act like I was making a trash run and go for it. This is what we did this was what happened.
Steve took me to get Micky even helped us pack our suitcases. I had been collecting suitcases for a long time Billy kept asking why I was collecting them kept joking around like going somewhere are you leaving me? Ha ha right? Steve took me to Jamie's apartment which was in another county. That was his first mistake taking me out of county while on Home confinement. 
He had motive though. I had to look for a job in a place where there were only strip malls. That's why Jamie and her mother work way over in Orlando at Bob's. There are no jobs around. I walked for miles every day looking for a restaurant to work in. I had to first get Micky registered in the school there.
Micky and me walked way out into the country which took most of the day to find the HRS office to see if I could get food stamps and help. Once I found the place they were closing. I guess Jesus put it into this one black lady's heart to talk with me. She started working up my case after I told her my story. 
She said; "Do you have somewhere to wait I'll see what I can do about getting you emergency stamps." I told her we would wait in the abandoned field next door and keep checking in. She did manage to get me stamps that day. It was very late, but we got them and she got us qualified to get a check too. 
Jamie found out about us qualifying she started spending the money already. She assumed she would be getting all this money for rent and food from us when all along I didn't plan on staying because there were no jobs in the area for me. She started bragging about her son's new clothes and shoes her new clothes and shoes etc...Trying to make me feel bad. 
She planned on spending my money on her and her son. Micky and I were trapped in one room where we sleep on the floor with no mattress no blankets nor sheets or anything. We almost don't have access to the bathroom or kitchen facilities. I cleaned the apartment every day even did her laundry she would re-clean everything and bitch about everything. 
I started locking Micky and myself in the room and didn't come out when she was there. I had a very old manual typewriter. I sat there day after day pecking away typing whatever I could remember of my life. Micky stayed right there beside my side didn't once complain. I took Micky to the malls and playgrounds during the time Jamie was away at work. 
She said; "She knew all along we were going to leave we lived out of suitcases." I told her we didn't have a dresser bed or anything. Where were we supposed to put everything. Her and her son's crib and clothing were in there too. There was no where to put anything. I still left while she was at work. 
Mrs. Adeline called some friends of her's that ran a shelter called The Mission. They take in families. Help them get jobs get their kids registered off to school provide day care after school programs free meals free laundry bathrooms free personals such as shampoos toothpaste deodorant douches you name it you didn't have to pay for it. 
They put your money in an account give you an allowance end of six months you get all your money back they help you find and furnish an apartment or house. I started helping in the kitchen with another lady and a few volunteers. A few days later I was running the kitchen all day into the night. 
I heard later the police officer Jamie was fucking doing cocaine with shot her three times killed her. This was why I wanted to cover this story one more time. I believed Billy was sincere once again don't follow your heart. I still had not quite caught on to his deceiving lying two faced thieving double standard ways yet?! I would not give sex with his gross ass! 
I would not be in the least affectionate towards him. I was being cautious what if I were wrong? He always played both sides of people. Who ever loans him money buy him smokes and beer whoever was benefiting him that's who he'll be most faithful to at the time. I felt sorry for him I would not be affectionate or give him sex. 
He should have been used to it this was how our entire marriage had been. He always wanted a Jack Russell Puppy. Out of pure severe pity I bought him one. Something to make him feel better about life. I bought him a female puppy Jack Russell. A dog he always wanted. I did not know he called the disbursement unit. 
He has not been able to talk above a whisper for about three years now. He has a huge lump in his throat and he can barely breath. He's been sick for a long time. It started the day after I left him the day after he said; "Micky and I were not worth quitting drinking for." Then said; "Not even God was worth quitting drinking for." Remember this? 
He eats over three bottles of aspirins a day not including the boxes of goodie powders. They must have heard him though he was whispering he told the disbursement unit the money was legally his gave them his address where to send it. Evidently whoever calls the last caller is who they acknowledge and where they start sending the money to.
This was Micky's child support they were fucking with. First it was me then Support Kids then Billy then back to me now back to Billy. He told them the check was his it was his hard earned money and it should go to him. He owes me all the money he borrowed every week since I've known him, all the years of paying rent, mortgages, vehicle payments. 
Buying him vehicles with my income tax checks to get kicked out when he wanted someone else, all the back pay over $7,000.00 in child support, $1,200.00 on the Jack Russell Puppy, $200.00 in vet bills, all the alcohol I had to by us him and friends over the years plus all the homes and apartments he lost plus the property and home that was almost paid for. 
Plus the brand new truck almost paid for and almost lost his daughter too well he did lose her and he tells them this is his money. Like I mentioned those people in that office down town must not be too bright. He talked them into putting the check in his name sending it to his address. 
All the work I've done locating it and convincing them it's Micky's money and driving down there is all down the drain. I believed him when he said; "I'll give you the money you know I will I owe it to you of course I'll give it to you." This will show you how petty how a small amount of money turns everyone into vultures. Greed raised it's ugly head big time! 
Let me tell you how nasty this got. During this time Billy aggravated me to no ends to find his money. Gary, Billy's room mate came here said; "Billy has not worked or eaten anything for a couple of weeks he was having trouble breathing." I went downtown which is an hour and half drive to the actual disbursement unit. 
Anywhere from where I lived was a long distance to anyone out in this area. I've lived in that area for many years since I came to Florida. We lived for awhile in few apartments in town Micky was conceived in town. I showed them at least four inches of paperwork I had been collecting all these years. A complete up to date research on payment history and non payment history.
Everything Billy and I had done for or against each other over the years. All school papers and documents over the years are in my name health records doctor statements school records payments appointments bills from both the eye doctor and her regular doctor. Years of school activity. 
All copies and originals of motions for hearings several years of my attorney courts and judges trying to give Billy the opportunity to prove himself worthy of being involved in Micky's life. If he wanted partial custody visitation or whatever could be worked out arranged for Micky's benefit. He would never show up for any meetings. 
They tried motions for hearings in front of the judge. For over a year he would not show up for these either. Now it's stacks of copies of the final judgements permanent injunctions after which many petitions were served trying to get some responsible response from Billy. The final Divorce judgement I get my maiden name back. Billy lost ALL parental rights. 
Billy was court ordered to stay in a rehabilitation center for a period of two years. Prove to be clean before visitations supervised or otherwise could be arranged judgement of the visitations was left up to me. Otherwise he was to never see or come near Micky. He was ordered to carry insurance on Micky pay child support of $92.00 per week. 
At this point he is in rears of over $7,000.00. Several times over the last few years I felt sorry for Billy his body wreaked of alcohol, the pyorrhea will knock you down, still lives for that next drink, smokes five packs of cigarettes per day Marlboro full flavor 100s, an average of two twelve packs per day.
He's been hanging around here for the last few years saying, "He's trying to prove himself or redeem himself for what he's done in the past to us." I was not believing anything he did or said He was borrowing money every week again. Several times he talked me into going to the court house to get the child support off his back. 
In the records and eyes of the court system the last actions taken were considered abated. If I wanted it back I would again have to take it back through the court systems. When the notarized statement I sent them bumped heads with Support Kids the disbursement unit had to then decide who the money legally belonged to. 
At first I convinced them it was child support for Micky, Billy's daughter. All the stacks of paperwork I had proved I had her over the years excluding the time spent in jail. The paperwork also consisted of permanent restraining orders on Billy. They said; "They would sent the check to her and I." A couple of weeks it had not shown up yet. 
They said; "Support Kids interfered gave them as the address where the money should go." I told them no this is legally not correct. I did not give them permission to do this. They put a stop payment on the check till they could again decide the rightful owner of the money. Again I took the years of paperwork to the disbursement unit. 
The reason for being there I wrote: "You are holding my child support checks hostage." I convinced them common sense would tell you child support checks should go to the child's mother or whoever has legal custody. Guess the disbursement unit people are not that bright. I didn't know Billy's heart was never in the right place. 
He would not go to the hospital for no one except me. While getting my keys to go get him Gregg's neighbors were visiting Gregg called an ambulance to come get Billy he quit breathing. Billy has been sick for over five years. He was looking pretty bad smelled it too. 
Ya know what? I loved that nasty, filthy, stinking, backstabbing, two faced, double standard, lying, thieving, two timing, alcoholic drug addict. Somewhere inside I cared for him or was it severe pity why would I keep standing by him? His mom hated me. She swore years ago she would get even with me if it took her forever. Read on you'll see she did or did she? 
I've dealt with much smarter abusive alcoholic men and their mothers. In this instance Jesus, my man was walking ahead of me that made me two steps ahead of everyone and everything that happened next. This is another one of those situations where you cry, but smile at what you know Jesus did or caused and can't no one interfere with what HE does. 
Put something in HIS hands don't take it back into your's watch trust even if it's many years down the road. Just "Be Still Wait on the Lord." Learn to slow down let him walk in front of you. I made it to the hospital just after the ambulance. I knew from my many experiences in the hospital to go straight on to the ICU unit this is where they will take him. 
Here comes the IVs and a bed it was him. I followed them into the room. A lady doctor took me to the waiting room. She said; "This is going be a long road." It's according to how long he has let this go as to how long he will live how bad it is how long he has to live. I know of around three to four years he has let this go fighting immense pain all the way. 
He has a huge lump in his throat he's been fighting pain for a long time. Looking at him sedated hooked up to so many tubes and machines. He had a tube down his throat to breath from which they said; "After a few days they will have to find another way for him to breath his throat is totally closed off they had a lot of trouble getting this tube down there." 
They can't even get the little TV down there. His worse nightmare the reason he let this go for so long because we were poor people has happened. Millions of feelings, memories and thoughts crowded my head frantically. All those years I was in the hospital like this three times were overdosing over him, 4-6 years of confinement being put in jails time and again. 
Years of being kicked out to be with someone else while I lived on the streets hanging in bars till my next check and could get a place, fighting over paying the bills and child support, almost dying delivering Micky, all the chances the courts gave him to get his family back and all the FUCKING jail time.
Through tears I was saying, "You fucking lowlife piece of shit you were never there for me, never there for Micky why have I always been there for you, why am I here for you now?" If one person is a sleaze ball or thousands are sleaze balls doesn't mean I have to be a sleaze ball. 
I couldn't tell if it was pity humanity or disgust how could I love a man this gross bent on self destruction? I deserve something better out of life. Was I believing him again? NOT! He was always talking about remarrying me how happy it would make him that's all he lives for all he wants out of life is to grow old with me. 
He even went as far as telling his mom all this time to stay out of our business I am the woman he wants to grow old with. He talks about us as a family introduces me everywhere as his wife I let him get away with it. Talking of how proud of me he is I out do everyone with cooking doll and toy collecting working fishing computers. Nothing he says means shit anymore. 
I didn't know what to do when the doctors and nurses brought papers in for me to give permission to do surgery on him in three days so he could breath from a pipe out of his throat. They ask me who I was if I had authority to sign make decisions on his life while he is sedated in case he did not wake up. 
I had to make a quick decision am I going to stand by this man one more time why should I? Everything was running through my head like what if he ends up living on machines or being an invalid needing special care after this if he makes it. He has no real home Gregg won't want to take care of him. 
His mom is handicapped herself and don't give a flying fuck she won't take care of him nor would want to. None of his sisters are willing to take something like this on. What kind of man would I be getting he now has to quit drinking get cleaned up and sober. 
Would I now finally be number one no choice, but to be faithful to only me forced into a situation he would have to be truthful to me? Would I now get the man I originally fell in love with except without the good looks and body without hugs or affection without sex sounds like I'm talking about the marriage we have already had. 
What would the difference be if I had to take care of him? I made the decision that no matter what the out come will be before this man dies I will make him happy before he goes I would not be right to let him die without knowing I tried to let him pass to other side with Faith. 
How often is it that you get a chance to make someone happy before they die give them the gift of eternity. How many have a loved one they wish they could turn back time for get another chance to make them happy in this life before they go? So they will see through your works when they are on the other side their memories will be good ones. 
Although it's tempting to pinch those tubes give death a helping hand so this isn't dragged out forever. May his nasty ass soul RI? Billy should know I did love him years ago wanted to make him happy. I signed the papers as his wife told the hospital I was his wife. 
I gave them permission to save his life one more time stand by him make him happy before he dies although he does not deserve it this was not my choice or judgement to make. I thought all along this would be his dying wishes was to have me love and trust him. For days then weeks I stayed with him. I thought maybe a month tops he could be released. 
I didn't know how serious this was. Micky was with me during this entire ordeal watching her father lay there living off machines a man she had no respect nor love for. She wanted a sober dad one she could be proud of. She had no love nor respect for him. I was thinking honestly can I pinch his tubes help him along? 
She knew about him snitching me out when we were both drug dealers. She watched him move in whores and have sex with them. She watched the many nights of him peeing everywhere except the toilet. She watched him pass out sitting upright almost every night. She knows how he treated me all these years. 
She knows the stories of how he used to treat me before she was born. I don't expect her to have anything for him except hate, pity and disgust. She watched all this emotionless. She missed school this entire year was going to miss during her surgery too. 
Several times the truancy courts or whoever was in charge of making sure kids go to school was rumored to be out of money at different intervals. Micky was getting away with not going to school for a long time. I was tired of the horrible fights it took to get her to go to school. It was not worth getting my ulcer upset. 
Watching the horrible nightmare of death from the effects of alcohol drugs and cigarette abuse her own father what a waste of human space she thought. You would think after all the live on hands experiences with drugs and alcohol I have made her cringe through she would be the one out of all the girls her age who will forever turn down cigarettes alcohol and drugs. 
That afternoon he was brought in I spent hours looking at him deciding what to do I was confused and scared for him. I kept imagining the horrible look on his face when he tries to wake up. I don't know how much time had passed I finally left the hospital to get Micky something to eat for dinner let his room-mate Gary know what was going on with Billy. 
While I was at Gary's another room-mate of theirs Barbara a heroine addict bullied her way into my truck she was really fucked up. I'm naming her Ratanal/Rat's Ass/Rat's Anal. She didn't know where her car was I was to take her to find it I knew a wild goose chase was on. 
After she took me to several places the car was not I suggested looking down further on the main road going towards town. We found the car I determined it was out of gas. We needed to go to my house to get a gas can. She had to first get her drugs out of her trunk immediately she popped a bunch of pills in her mouth. This entire time she kept nodding. 
That's what it's called on Heroine when you constantly fall asleep. She kept falling hugging on Micky. After getting the gas can going up the road to get gas I almost ran over a body laying in the road. She wasn't moving looked all mangled and dead. It was another one of their room-mates with her six pack of beer tucked close by. 
We tried getting her up she was out cold heavy drunkenly mumbling. I looked up here comes an ambulance and three police cruisers. I talked them into not arresting them. They were in the corner store earlier this same officer trespassed them out of the store. Theresa and Ratanal were together when she lost her car or ran out of gas is just getting another freebie. 
I told the law I would take them both to their house and make sure they were safe. Ratanal was nodding out falling all over Micky on one side Theresa on the other hugging tight rubbing her mumbling to her. They had been partying with Billy earlier and his room-mate. Billy probably thought he was doing coke Ratanal will poison you with bad meth. 
You will see later on five or six years down the road how evil Ratanal is. I wanted to get rid of them both. It was turning into a nightmare. I wanted to dump them somewhere safe so I could get back to Billy. I didn't want him to wake up no one there think that no one gives a fuck which they don't. 
That's a horrifying feeling although I've been through it many times alone. He made me go through it a lot during our life time together. Gary refused to let me dump them off there. He had another woman he was going with and wanted to get rid of everyone so they could be alone. Gary thought with Billy out of the picture he would see how far he could get with me. 
He started talking about him and I getting together relieving all my stress. I asked him where Ratanal's boyfriend lived. I followed him there dumped them both off. I made sure they both got into the house safely made them help each other so they would be too busy to notice me haul ass. 
I told Micky if you haven't already seen enough out of alcohol cigarettes and drugs then take a good look at them before we leave this is alcohol cigarettes meth heroine and their affects when combined a lethal deadly combination. I stayed with Billy every minute I could for months leaving only to go shower, feed the dog, feed Micky and return. 
Micky usually stayed at the hospital with me. I wanted to be the first person he looked at when he comes out of it. I thought it would be best if the first person he saw was who he loved trusted the most. I know he's going to be so scared when he starts waking up looking around at all the IVs and tubes. 
He would either know his worse nightmare had come true or he would think he was dying. At any rate I wanted to be there to comfort help him through this. This man I thought is not worthy of this kind of love devotion from me I don't have to be like him. I had to find a way in my heart to love this man so he can dye happy. 
I went home the night before they were going to try to wake him. I called his mom and sisters told them everything what a mistake that was. Remember I said; "She swore to get even with me for telling on her boyfriend? Pops they called him for trying to have sex with me?" 
I don't know if I told that delicious little story or not. Billy's sister Dixie and I used to work for Pops on the side doing landscaping after we got off from our normal jobs. Pops likes to lick the sweat from under Dixie's tits and armpits. She had size 40 D's! One day after a hard days work he cornered me in their bedroom. 
He pushed me on the bed started licking all over my vagina he wanted to have oral sex. I pushed him off me. He showed me two huge bags one with my panties one with my bandanas he stole from me he was sniffing. When I told on him I was the total outcast. Oh well I was all alone anyway. 
Billy's mom started sucking up to me right away we started talking civil to each other. She wanted me to take digital pictures every day call her every day. I wasn't ready for a high phone bill like this. Micky thought long distance was free calling friends in California and a boy on the Internet from Louisiana which she was obsessed over she met on the Internet in chat-rooms.
Billy had no clothes he owns a few things which he's worn since I've known him. The stench of his clothes would knock you down. I bought him a sweat suit with matching shorts, hoody and sweatshirt. That broke me I had no more money. Gary finally started visiting him he had not woke up yet.
When he did start waking up it was really slow took hours on end for him to finally respond to anything. He finally started squeezing my hand he was still in restraints he got violent on them at first. They were scared he would get violent when he wakes up. 
The looks and expressions each time he tried to look around were of horror confusion bringing back memories of all the times I woke like this. For me no one was there yet someone was there who cared deeply will never do me wrong why didn't I see HIM then? He finally tried to say something he said; "Am I dying?" I didn't want to tell him the truth not right now. 
I told him no baby your just seriously sick the huge lump did turn out to be cancer also had double pneumonia in both lungs his throat had totally closed off. They could not get cameras back into his stomach through his throat wasn't looking good. 
At times I was thinking what am I doing there is nothing in that hospital bed for me there's only a dead man it's a matter of time. I was willing to make him a happy man if for only a brief moment love him be faithful take care of him if it came to that. 
Fight thoughts of pulling the plug pinching the tubes putting something foreign in his mouth maybe something will fall into his mouth you know take care of him. After a couple months he was seriously skinny I kept telling him and his mom he was looking better every day. That lump in his throat was getting bigger he lived only for the next pain medication. 
His mom told him we made friends. Trust me on this one none of this shit was true I was not falling for his mom's friendship bullshit nor was I going to do any type of happily ever after with his nasty ass fuck that shit Kiss My Ass I wanted his money period. They moved him out of the ICU. 
Still in intensive care and isolation for open bacteria and germs mostly the chocolate he wanted to taste chocolate before he died so I gave him some I don't give a fuck. I was still driving downtown to the disbursement unit looking for that check. They finally told me they made the check out to Billy at his request it was being sent to his address. 
Billy said; "He would give it to us if it came in," but this was not his intentions. Jesus' intentions were different than everyone expected. Billy was now able to sit up a little at a time to write notes communicate a little. The hospital Social Services called me they started paperwork procedures per doc's orders on Billy to receive SSI disability. 
I was told Micky would receive benefits till she was 18 if they lived together. I was thinking of how to get him a decent check every month so he would not be living off of me. If he lived with me whether we were married or not he would get the entire thing. 
I was going to give it to him. Him and I were talking of how he would not have any more pain he won't have to work and can now go fishing without that pain all the time. They were taking all his teeth out cleaning him up. We talked of how Micky and him would now get along better. We talked a lot about getting remarried. 
Everyday he asked how the paper work was coming along. I was willing to tell him whatever he wanted to hear to let him be happy. I was working on getting all of his W- 2 forms together from over the years he had not filed in many years. I was going to file them in turbo tax over the net direct deposit it for him. I was getting his SSI medicaid taken care of. 
I was also getting his tag turned in so he wouldn't lose his license and getting his birth certificate so I could get all this accomplished for him. I needed power of attorney I thought was told I would. I needed it to cash the check when it came in and for all the paper work. Come to find out I didn't need it at all it caused tons of problems working with a notary. 
I made up something to tell Louis, Billy's mom that would tell me everything she would either go off the deep end or be happy sincere go along with it all. I told her I paid someone to come to the hospital sign over all the paperwork to me and remarry us too. I acted all excited anxious to get started let's get this done eehaw!
I was right she went off the deep end yelling at me telling me there is no way I'm going to remarry her son she won't let this happen. She will talk with Billy make him understand he can't marry you just do what I tell you to do. You have to get this stupid marriage out of your head your going to come to your senses and let Maloney handle all this let her cash that check too.
This told me what I needed to know. I couldn't continue paying to drive there everyday I was too upset confused and hurt to go see him I also got bad sick my back went out. I took a few days off from visiting Billy. It was also emotionally draining seeing him like this every day knowing he's getting worse. I'm the only one that knows he's dying how bad he is.
These other characters have not been there they just met recently. His mom, family nor Sherry have been with him all these years nor is going to come see him die. I'm the only one that can see death coming for him. His mom is too far away to see this death in him. Billy sent Gary over to see if there was another man in my house he accused me of being with another man. 
Gary dropped the check off to him earlier was baiting me. They wanted to see what I would do. Gary backed me into my kitchen sink tried to kiss me then tried to get my blouse off. I put the baseball bat to his chest gave a little push told him I don't trust anyone leave or I'll use it! He told me Billy had the check. 
His mom and him both said; "I was looking for money out of all this." I was ONLY trying to get Billy and Micky some money NOT take it. He's always taken it from me for goodness sake that check would be used for all of us although it was back pay on child support that got held up I didn't have to share it with anyone if I didn't want to. That was to help support Micky. 
I went there and talked with Billy for awhile now get this he signed handed over the check to me. Now remember none of the parties mentioned or involved including me knows whatever is happening on either side. I didn't know what they were doing to me and they didn't know how much I had caught onto which wasn't much at that point.
When they all found out about the check being in my hands the phone was ringing off the hook. His mom ordered me to take it back to Billy let Maloney cash it everyone gets what Billy promised them let him give you what is left. Maloney kept calling saying the same thing imagine that. Still not quite knowing what was going on I went to see Billy. 
By this time everyone convinced him of what a big mistake he made. He told me to give him the check all his paper work Maloney could handle everything. I always helped Billy with his paperwork income tax get his license his insurance for the vehicle I even pushed him to get insurance on himself. 
I accomplished everything without power of attorney or the help of a notary or anyone. I didn't realize this at the time. Gary had a friend, Melony he said; "She would help with the paper work she was a notary." First night I met her she was demanding and bossy. We met at Denny's to talk. This was the wrong place to meet me at to begin with. 
She said; "I needed to turn all the paperwork over to her let her handle it all." I guess a traveling notary gets a little cash for their services I wasn't willing to let her take over where I was doing fine. I only needed her to sign the power of attorney over to me she didn't have power of attorney he didn't sign shit over to her. 
She refused said; "She would not help me unless I gave her all the paperwork let her handle everything." I thanked her for her time and left. I was fucking with her dumb ass. Gary and Maloney had been talking with Billy's mother I wasn't aware of any of this. They were all three talking about how they could get me out of Billy's life away from his money what money? 
They started planning things behind my back. Billy's stupidity was kicking in again he was listening to them. Including Billy's mother they were telling him I was only in for the money Maloney can get things done. Billy was not comprehending I already had things done. Maloney said; "If I didn't do things her way she wasn't going to help at all." I said; "Fine I don't need you." 
I didn't know they were all in constant contact with each other. The money they were referring to was that stupid little child support check. See where greed raised it's ugly head? It became an outright war over this small amount of money which was owed to Micky. 
Lois, Billy's mom was talking Maloney, Gary and Billy into getting all his paperwork away from me sign over power of attorney to one of them. I didn't know till later the money was not all that was the issue. The other issue was I could not give up on Billy. I could not take another human's life lose my salvation even if I wanted to. 
Billy wanted them to pull the plug then cremate him get it all over with. If there was any other money I was not aware of it at the time. Maloney was stalking me calling all day everyday standing in front of the hospital waiting for me to get there everyday. She didn't know it was Micky she had been talking with all along on the phone not an adult. 
Micky was giving her a run for her money too. She kept telling me I need to turn all the paperwork over to her almost forcing me everyday telling me I'm obnoxious. His mom was constantly telling me I needed to give her all the paperwork. I had not caught onto to the total picture of what was going on yet. 
I was thinking I was helping Billy protecting the only thing he owned in the world which was his newly acquired birth certificate and driver's license which I helped him get. I thought we were remarrying it only made sense that since he was coming to live with me I do the paperwork. Why would any woman want to go after a man for a petty SSI check?
What was really going on Billy knew Gary had the check. Dave thought he was getting SSI on him and Micky getting money from his tag and income tax. He didn't know all this took time. He thought he was getting all this NOW. What was happening without my knowledge was greed was rearing it's ugly head remember I mentioned this earlier.
Billy promised his mom a couple hundred Maloney a small chunk for her services of pulling the plug and Gary back rent and future rent. He planned on paying all this with the back pay on child support he so cleverly got put in his name and sent to Gary's/his address. Billy signed over power of attorney to someone I didn't know who it wasn't till later I learned it was Melony. 
They were all playing on Billy's stupidity and hollow promises feeding off each other's greed. How I started catching on that something wasn't right I asked his mom why does Maloney get information on Billy. She said; "Maybe they are doing something you don't need to know about." I still didn't have a clear picture of everything. 
I started throwing his paper work every where all over Billy separating his from mine and Micky's. He told me to stop being this way. All this time the tablet of paper he had been using to write notes in he was protecting it. He did not want them nor me to see what he was writing to me he didn't want me to see what he was writing to them. 
Every time anyone touches his notepad he jerks it away from them. I try to help him get a clean sheet of paper on it to write on he jerks it back all the time. For months now he's been writing notes to everyone. I was thinking there must be a lot of information right there on that notepad. I waited till his medication kicked in he drifted off.
I took the note pad outside to the back of the hospital sat at a picnic table started reading. Micky was sitting by his side during all this. I didn't know till Micky told me later Maloney had been sitting there with them the entire time while I was in the back of the hospital reading the notes Billy had been writing protecting for so long. 
Micky knew what I was doing wouldn't for the world tell them no one knew where I was. Maloney eventually gave up on me coming back and left. There were notes from day one since he woke up and came into the hospital which was almost three months ago at this point excluding the ones he allowed me to take to the house. What I was reading dropped my mouth open. 
I sat there for a couple of hours reading thinking crying trying to sort all this out make sense of it. There was no sense to make it was clear. I read a little tried putting the pieces together there were references to Maloney and Gary giving phone numbers to his mom and sister, notes to Maloney about signing over power of attorney to Gary was tricking me. 
I was supposed to think he was signing it over to Maloney they thought this would throw me off. Beyond power of attorney everything including death and funeral expenses along with his ashes would go back to good ole mom. Burial expenses and his care during the period of time before his death during and after goes back to dear ole mom.
None of this was taken into consideration while they did their scheming and planning. If there was any money to be had anywhere it would go to his son or daughter only under the age of 18. I read how he said; "All I talked about was money." That's all he talked about too. 
That's all we had in common at this point the only subject I could come up with other than the blue sky out the window. What do you say talk about or plan with a dying man other than your soul needs to be right with Jesus and His Dad before you take that last breath get with Him! He wrote of how they would all watch me put my foot in my mouth. 
Billy wrote of how he would call the law force me to hand over the paperwork and his I.D. How he would call the law on me get Jackie back for Gary. How they were tricking me. Hurt and crying I was thinking hard of everything I just read went to get Micky. She was coming out telling me Maloney was still there.
I went home holding back tears that forced their way. I put his ID and paper work together along with the notes of his I had been taking home from the tablet which had all the communications as well as mine on it along with all the cards from his mother and sisters put them in an envelope then took them to him. 
I looked him in his face dead square in his eyes I didn't want to miss one expression. I wanted to be sure positive he was alert paying attention. I said; "You are the NON custodial parent. I AM the custodial parent. You LOST ALL paternal and parental rights. You can NOT draw nor claim SSI disability income tax or anything on Micky unless you are living under my roof." 
I also said; "Since you have decided by signing power of attorney over to strangers I'm assuming you don't want to live under my roof therefore you can get nothing off Micky. All you get now is your petty part. I was trying to help you, but you are a fucking idiot." I handed him his paperwork that intense look of attention hanging onto every word. 
His eyes wider more sunk in than I had ever seen them straining with awe mouth wide open I said; "Was it worth it all? All our life together you have fucked over me. Now you wanted to get right with me? I'm not the one you need to get right with. Before you take that last breath get right with God." He did not expect either side to budge. 
He thought he could wash one hand without the other knowing, cake and eat it too syndrome. He surely didn't expect to lose a good woman a wife possible sex before death his kid a home with love and no strings. His last chance in life to be with a woman. His last chance for a happily ever for him the after. 
It was him all these years trying to destroy me turning on me setting me up kicking me out dating other women waitresses and Sherry snitching on me stealing from me. WHO and WHAT are they power of attorney over now? A dying cancer ridden alcoholic drugged out man who owns nothing? 
A man that only a mother could love yet I was willing to because it was the right thing to do? They will dump him when they realize his hollow promises aren't even worthy of his signature. They moved him into a Nursing home they won't give me any information nor tell me where they took him and he can't talk to tell me. OH WELL. 
He'll die alone a lonesome man a long hard painful death this man is dying. Over a year now since Billy came in on that stretcher. That hurt so deeply I cried, got more depressed and was becoming even more secluded isolating or protecting myself and Micky from the outside elements people and humans. For a couple of days he kept calling and tapping on the phone. 
Micky was answering the phone. We both knew it was him she played it off was saying things to affect of mom someone's really fucking with us. Someone is doing prank calls. Billy was trying to tell us he was wrong please come see him before he dies. 
Melony and Gregg had him taken to the nursing home was not going to tell me anything left orders to the hospital to not tell me anything. How fucked up is this shit after I, the wife and mother of his daughter has been there all along with this hospital staff from the beginning they are even turning on me doing what these people want. 
Billy was more or less kidnapped taken to a nursing home where he would never see Micky or me again we were through with him and his fucked up family. Billy realized what they had done what he had done now they are going to pull the plug on Billy this is how Billy wanted it now he's wanting to get out of his final decision in life?
Remember when Billy and everyone turned me into the head of D.E.A.? Remember when my phone calls were blocked I couldn't talk to Micky anymore? Moving whores in kicking me out? Turning me into the law all the time so he could move whores in. It's like the song: "Living in Your Radio How Do You Like Me Now."
I just shake my head at it all pick my camel up again making sure no straws fell cuz me and my camel we earned them straws! I want all of them I earned every last one of them straws! I have that sneaky eerie little smile because I can gloat over how Jesus revealed everything my entire life how HE handled things when left in HIS powerful mysterious hands.
Gary came over today to get the book Billy's sister sent him the one we were accused of stealing. He also said; "Billy wanted to know if I had his income tax." I told him I have not gotten anything I don't know anything. Tell Billy he is a fool he could have a good woman a family before he dies. 
Gary said; "They are going to try to cut the huge cancer out since radiology had no positive results." I said; "You know if they cut a knife touches it will spread like fire." Gary said; "It has already started to spread there are two or three new cancer cyst in his throat. They are moving up his neck and down his back." 
I didn't have the heart to tell Gary all Billy's mail still comes here so I know exactly what is going on with him medically. He has quite a bill racked up. His insurance refused payment a long time ago. Gary thought I didn't know Billy had been moved. Everything has been denied. I was putting in applications for work everywhere. I was hired at a few restaurants. 
I stopped in at Mr. Aloma's for shits and giggles filled out an application. I even put funny stuff on the application and was hired back. Micky and I went to see Billy the day before they moved him during the night. I'm going fishing. Six month or so later I was told I could apply for death benefits for Micky and me. 
I went to get Billy's death certificate found out all the missing information. He signed over power of attorney to Maloney. She agreed to pull the plug take Billy's life. He died at 2 a.m. in the morning D.O.A. Dead on arrival. He died on the way to the nursing home. He always said; "He would not live on machines do chemotherapy or live in a nursing home." 
I guess he meant it. Maloney, Gary nor Lois his mother got anything, but his ashes and the bills for it all. There were phone calls for a little while someone was tapping on the other end. I knew it was Billy trying to get us back one last time I kept pretending it was a prank phone call and hang up on him. He made that bed let him lie in or die in it. 
I took some friend of mine's advice and applied for death benefits for Micky and me from her dad's SSI. I was thinking it couldn't be much every little bit helped. A month or so passed we were both approved for benefits. $4,000.00 back pay now $4,000.00 six months from now. 
I was approved for surviving mother's death benefits of $675.00 per month and Micky was approved for $675.00 per month. I felt the Lord was somehow giving me the means of publishing this book since all the publishers I had researched on the Internet wanted right around $400.00 to $600.00. 
I plan on researching more to maybe find someone first who will do it on consignment or something similar. I need so much work done on this house I might not end up with anything for the book. We have no kitchen sink it fell in along with the cabinets and floor. We were doing dishes in a big tub I bought outside with the hose. Her bathroom is totally going to the ground.
All the plumbing from the inside to the underneath going to the septic the field are destroyed. Most of the rooms still don't have floors. It needs either tons of kilz and paint and or siding. Sometimes I think the overwhelming troubles we have in life are something I'm going to have to live with forever.
The stove we have has shorts in all the burners all that is good on it is the oven. Our sink kept falling apart along with all the plumbing all the cabinets fell down. None of the rooms had real floors in them what was there was particle board. In 10 rooms I had to strip that up and lay two layers of plywood and stronger glue than what comes on tiles in most of the house.
The walls well there were no walls nor insulation. I had to do this in every room too. Then of course the molding facings doors for every room trim work carpet etc. I haven't talked about the outside yet. Everything that could go wrong with a vehicle went wrong with this truck. 
The break lines ac belts flat tires transmission and muffler which had to have special parts ordered from out of the country. This blue Dodge Dakota truck is costing a fortune yet I felt we would be together for many years so I named him Ole' Blue.
We didn't have any air conditioning no lawn mower no beds the first $4,000.00 went fast getting everything we needed it didn't go very far. As you can see if the Lord was giving me the means to publish this book here I sit still writing haven't the resources to do it with once again. 
Even with working this house cost so much to try to fix up as you people know it's expensive to clothe and feed a kid I was still not getting anything accomplished. The job was extra money and helped tremendously, but was short lived once again. The rule was when I started receiving the SSI I was to work no more than 20 hours per week. 
I was already into a month of drawing SSI still working 40-50 hours per week. I kept telling them they were going to make me lose the SSI. It was the night before the fourth of July I was right at 40 hours. I still had 8 more to go for that night which would put me at 48 hours 8 hours overtime. 
Mr. Aloma's family which are all Iranians work in all his restaurants as managers are mean, mean, mean. They talk down to you yell at you belittle you. I've told you of a few tales of what happened in the past with some of his family. Well this one Mr. Allmouth is his cousin. We have had many arguments and disagreements. 
Before I walked in the door he started yelling at me telling me I was going to work a double the next day on the Fourth of July. That would be 16-18 more hours on top of 48 would be 65-67 hours. I told them I would think about it during the night. I had every intention of telling him yes. They didn't care about the SSI rules I believed they could fix it. 
It's overworking me that is the problem nor do they care if I lost it nor do they care how much they over work their employees nor do they care about our lives feelings or circumstances. I have never had a holiday off before I had a chance to have the fourth of July off. I went to the break room to put my hair up to go on the line he followed me back there.
I had been talking with him and Franky a server and one of the cooks gaining whatever knowledge I could about computers. I did learn some stuff found some stuff they told me to be wrong. They had a computer both of them tried to get the computer to work and failed. 
I took the computer home in one night got it running took it back in to work showed them all then out of no where Mr. Allmouth told me I was a piece of shit on computers. He said; "Don't come in here all cocky with me about computers. You know nothing I know everything I have a card a degree your a piece of shit." I didn't think all that was called for. 
He had no right to talk down to me at any point which he did every day all day. Later he really showed his ass. I like to try to make work fun for everyone. It's a really hard long stressful job. I brought some bumper stickers the store near me always gets the newest ones before anyone else. I had a couple that were for him.
I think he took offense when everyone was dying laughing at them picking some out for themselves I said; "Quick hide them here comes Allmouth." Allmouth misunderstood I think his feelings might have even been hurt a little would not admit it thinking we were all having fun on his time at his expense.
He grabbed them out of everyone's hands threw them at me in his Iranian accent said; "You no bringa toys to school you no bringa toys to work. Who gave any of you permission to have fun?" I said; "I've seen a lot of managers have fun with us what's up with that?" He went off on me I had enough of all this. 
He told me if I didn't agree to work the double the next day I couldn't work there anymore. I made the line pull cleaned it up set it up for the bar rush walked out on them again. Now they won't hire me back at all under no circumstances. 
Even though it's cutting my nose off I still think I should pat myself on the back for having the balls to walk on all these restaurants when they are mean to us lie on us yell at us harass us etc...How many camel straws are we aloud in life? Isn't there some limit? Since the house was so cheap lot rent wasn't bad I could survive on what little SSI we were getting. 
Billy didn't know neither did I that he would be taking care of us after he died. His mom would shit if she knew. He couldn't do it while living, but can after death. If it's only for a short period I pray I don't waste the time He has thrown in my lap to get this done. It could mean the difference of whether I have to go back to being mistreated in restaurants ever again. 
I think about it all I get sad depressed about Billy. I think of how it seems to have been the Lord justice judgement or just plain irony. Billy died the way he lived in the aspect of alcohol drug abuse using and abusing women what he said about not even God was worth quitting drinking for. 
I told him before he died he needs to make that right between him and God before he takes his last breath. Micky has dealt with a lot of issues in life already. She learned first hand about most all drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. 
She watched her mom be the biggest dealer in the area then watched her own dad's family and friends turn on mom with the head of D.E.A. She watched the law drag me off. She has had two pairs of glasses a year plus her major surgery. She has been without any family on either sides of the family.
She was watching her dad die all year of alcoholism, cancer, cigarettes, drugs, crack, bad meth and double pneumonia. She hasn't gone to school, but a few days in the last couple of years. We have been going through truancy courts shelters and threats to pick me up and separate us. The other kids give her a hard time she also says, "The work is overwhelming." 
She's a night owl and says, "The teachers are mean." I have no reason to not trust her judgement and believe in her at this point till she proves different. That's a mother's job no matter what even at the very end extremes rescue the kid, take up for the kid, have Faith in the kid, stand behind the kid, believe in the kid. 
I have to give her room, space and pray-pray-pray. Until she proves me wrong. I won't take up for her if she's in the wrong though unless I know for a fact we can get away with it kidding. She has to lie in that bed if she's makes it she knows this. 
She will always have to pay for her own actions or what have we accomplished with them other than always taking their side even when wrong. A line even though very fine at times has to be drawn as to what you will and won't take up for your child on. I'm not taking the responsibility if she gets out and robs a bank for instance. 
Or gets up with a Jesse James type of character. She's at a very hard impressionable know it all age or is it stage. Doesn't make sense even in our days children judge us by our clothing things we were aloud to do things we own. Her dad taught her to live like someone in the woods would live or a rat. I have no problem with that, but they are not woodsy survival type people. 
She has a lot of problems with laziness attention span school depression well teenage years are upon me. I guess I should just be so thankful I have a child after losing four children she's a handful. She's very talented with writing demented off the wall morbid strange, but in a wonderful way poems has gotten the attention of several publishers has had at least one published.
We are poor she has never needed or wanted for anything I have always found a way through Jesus' help to get for her. I have Faith that she will do just fine in life no matter how much everyone puts her down. If I can leave home around the fourth grade and made it and don't look too bad for my age then she will too. 
She doesn't have the drawbacks everyone has or the horrible ones I had. Wow Micky wasn't even thought of when I first started writing this book. I found out I may still have another opportunity to get the book published the other $4,000.00 should be in soon. I know right off the bat a couple hundred goes to getting caught up on the bills. 
I have not made a dent in remodeling fixing up the place. You can't get anywhere or ahead for all the bad luck along the way plus we own no appliances yet. We would really like to have a TV. Something unexpected is happening to all of Florida. Four hurricanes are coming through Florida back to back! 
Tons of tropical storms, tornados, twisters and hurricanes which usually touch down head for this area first. I'm right next to Titusville, Brevard county. On the coast. Even all the fires that happen are still happening I can usually watch from my driveway. Florida's natural disasters head right for this area first. 
If it wasn't for the fact that I like storms right now the scare that's out there coming our way I'm kind of leaning more towards maybe the snow storms in Kentucky are not so bad after all let's head for the hills! My life my story runs in circles. Concerning Steve, our relationship, his job, the investigation, my life and other women's lives. 
I had to in the end do what was right for the women in the past and future on home confinement. Sex was not all that with Steve it was the romance and attention I was caught up in. He was very refined looking and used to finer things. He was aging couldn't get an erection, but adored to give the women pleasure with oral sex and his hands were awesome. 
My secret is now the world's secret. My home confinement officer Steve can eat pussy better than any man EVER! Is that what the teenagers such as mine consider an over share or what? There was only a few times he could actually have intercourse. 
I was alone for many years after that except for Stony the four hundred pound, abusive, possessive, control freak, troll room-mate, but he didn't count that was a different nightmare. I hid in my room what time I wasn't working constantly trying to get away from him and Micky. I finally got rid of him I could be alone for a few years. 
There was no sex with this man at all he was gross horrible mean huge looked like a Troll or Ogre I couldn't stand him. When we got into doing the movies and risky public pictures it was supposed to stay all business, but he could not do this. 
I kept catching him doing himself jerking off watching my movies looking at all the pictures he had taken some were without my knowledge. The horrid sound it made when he was jerking off like a loud sloppy slapping sound it was so gross. Those ridiculous T-backs he wore got lost in his four hundred pound ass. 
He was just too carried away with all this could not separate business from pleasure nor could he understand I did not want what he considered the pleasure end of the deal. I had to go through all that legal stuff to get him out of my home. He was getting carried away with all this control and porn. 
I was alone for a lot of years in my life being with a man husband boyfriend whatever their title is to me I'm still alone. Even if you've been with a few men doesn't mean you know your body how to be a woman to know how the man is supposed to treat you especially if abuse is all you've ever seen. Sex nothing to brag about it's over rated! 
Doesn't mean I'm experienced means I'm used up damaged I don't give a shit to carry that title of damaged. I can't find a good faithful man? Honest yeah I'll settle for honest if he's faithful that's an added plus. I don't mind so much that most men won't spend their money, time, energy, sex or emotions on me, but at least be honest and faithful. 
I don't have a proverbial plate and if I did I don't want no one else's shit on it. I'm trying to justify being stupid believing in the bullshit men put me through to get a piece of ass. In relationships I've learned a few things my partner must be a great conversationalist this is awesome when a man can hold his own in conversation's keep it going at all times. 
If I have a lot in common such as fishing or camping this is awesome when two people can agree on the same things to enjoy together for the sake of spending quality time not if the man uses even what we have in common as a weapon to abuse me. If the man has his own money and can hold his own on paying for things this is truly amazing. 
The amazingness ends when abuse takes it back. He could shower me with gifts, roses, wine and dine me, but at the end of this wonderful night I get a fist in my face. If sex is not good, no affection or he can't hold you the way you want or treat you good with or without the sex or money 24/7 all other stuff you have in common will eventually come to emptiness and loneliness.
Charlie was the first Hurricane to come through. I stayed here for a few years alone before Billy came back into our lives working remodeling and fixing up the house. Except for the brief encounter with Michael the one who stole my black Chow. 
I was still staying alone even during the few years Billy came and went like a pesky neighbor in love doing basically the same thing working remodeling and fixing up the house. I stayed alone for many years after Billy's death. Yup you got it working remodeling and fixing up the house. 
Micky still wasn't going to school and the courts had not caught up with us yet, but it's a matter of time. Hurricane Charlie came in slow, but powerful packing a ton of damage. Most of Florida was evacuated everyone left state or went to shelters. It was like a ghost town all over the state of Florida. 
To understand what I was going through at the time of Charlie I have to say a little about the past. I haven't said much about sexual experiences in awhile some ask who were you fucking during these years? In the past sex with Tommy was short lived after two kids the abuse going with other women had always been going on. 
14 years of being faithful doing without while he got sex everywhere or the encounters I did have with him sex was violent. I ONLY fucked Tommy's best friend Billy Graham one time to feel a little sweet revenge once before I left. The marriage before with Bobby was annulled we never had sex or even got close. Coleman my first love was many years before all that. 
I say, "True love I mean emotions exchanged between two consenting adults when the feelings are being returned not a one sided thing." With Billy sex was also short lived after the first year it started getting really boring actually way before that. I had to almost rape him to conceive Micky. 
I don't know if I was not interesting anymore or was it alcohol drugs or other women taking up too much of his time money and energy? Was all of the above the case with Bobby, Tommy and Billy? Are all men easily led by women's pussy other than who they said I do to? 
So far I have not mentioned anyone who returned my feelings or had any affection towards me or could hold me the way I'm looking for a man to hold me. There goes that Cinderella story popping back into my head. I wish adults and TVs wouldn't read that story quite so much while we're children impressionable, vulnerable to pertaining this shit to things later in life. 
Then life is contrary to what we have been told, read to and heard as children as to what the perfect life and relationships should be between a man and woman. If we are not told the truth in life by our parents we go through life thinking all we were told as children are lies. Where is this happily ever after, magic shoes, gold shittin duck, magic beans, fairy godmothers. 
And trains or cars and dogs that talk, those dwarfs who all have different professions who live in trees where they don't pay rent. There is NO Santa Claus, NO Easter Bunny, No Cinderella, NO tooth fairy. I do know a lot of real wicked witches and I have met a few trolls. 
I do thank my parents for telling me the truth because when life's truths hit I was better equipped to handle it all knowing there was not going to be any magic taking me away or rescuing me. Could make a fortune on eBay if we really had magic shoes. Towards the middle of our relationship during one of the episodes Billy kicked me out and moved Sherry in again I met Jeff. 
I went home with a guy from a bar called the Sunshine Inn in Palmetto, Florida. The owner's Ken and Kim always stayed up all night most nights and did coke with us. The guy I went home with and fucked all night his girlfriend showed up who was supposed to still be out of town. He told Jeff and me to pretend we were together. 
After a couple of hours we didn't know what to do or say anymore since we really were not together. I asked him if he wanted to take a bath together and smoke a joint. He was so funny during this entire thing. He had one of those sense of humors ya just gotta love. 
Him and I were playing this thing off then turned the whole thing around on his room-mate and got serious we fell madly in love. He was the one I mentioned I let go of his arms both of us crying to go back with Billy. We had such fun together he loved me so much, but I threw it away. 
That was my second true love in life the only one who returned the feelings was honest and faithful. What a mistake that was! Or was it? Micky would not be in this world and maybe something I've done or said has influenced someone to believe there is a Jesus and a Holy Spirit. A big DAD.
Maybe I was meant for something or someone later in life after this book is through. Jeff was the only man to return my feelings give me the affection and attention I needed and wanted. That could hold me the way I wanted to be held what a fuck up I am to walk off from Jeff for a piece of shit. After I left Billy remember I was going with my home confinement officer, Steve? 
I thought the feelings were being returned. After two years I didn't let it go any further who knows maybe he was telling the truth, but it came down to his job or me he chose his job lost it all with that decision. During the time I was trying to get that mean old ugly troll out of my house I started hanging around with my best friend almost every day. 
He used to be Billy's best friend I thought learned years later he couldn't stand Billy. Billy rode him around doing whatever Keith needed or wanted to do stay gone forever sometimes a couple of days. I didn't mind I wanted Keith to keep Billy don't bring him back. 
When Billy and everyone shut their phones off when I was in jail to keep me from calling Keith was the only one who excepted my calls every week and paid for them. He encouraged me every week kept my Faith going. He used to do the Heroine and coke thing into needles though.
When he was excepting my phone calls during my stay in the county hotel he cleaned up met the Lord around the same time I did. I always appreciated what he did for me and always told him I would pay him back somehow. Come to find out he says, "He could not stand Billy he hated Billy, he kept trying for the last couple of years to get rid of Billy. 
He just wouldn't go away especially when there is a free drink or beer." To get out of the house get away from Stony and this weird Bithlo town Micky and I go over to Keith's. We went to all the Orlando attractions together. Watched movies till we all fell asleep over two years I came here to get away got used to having a little get away.  
I could have someone else cook for me cater to me a little. We were both believers and great conversationalist neither of us thought of sex truly just best friends enjoyed each other's company he provided a great getaway he still smoked pot. I was on probation at the time had to do five years of randomly being tested so I wasn't doing any alcohol pot or drugs. 
I had been alone for a lot of years after Steve. Steve wasn't anything sex wise to brag about except orally, but I loved him. Middle of night Keith had his hand on my ass we were both sound asleep. I know for a fact that he was not aware he had his hand on my ass. He had been alone for a lot of years so had I. 
That night it got to me I had not felt a man's touch in so long. He went to his room I paced wandering if this would ruin our friendship. Or what if he told me I was ugly or insulted me in any way? I don't like taking those kind of chances where you leave yourself open for insults. I got my nerve up tip toed into his bedroom. Shook him lightly asked Keith would you have sex with me?
He was thinking he was not hearing this. He shook the sleep off say, "WHAT? What did you just say?" I repeated it. He said; "I heard a lot of rumors over the years mostly from Billy that Billy and I had sex for the first couple of years that ended with Billy fucking around too much." 
Keith and I had never discussed these issues he didn't know me well enough that way to have sex. He said; "Come here honey let me take care of this for you." He did oral sex for me to get me through the night so I wouldn't ask for sex till we cleared the air about some things. 
For the next few days we spent time together talking about everything over the years since he had been there most of this should coincide with what I was telling him. He had been around Billy and I partying with us and many other employees and friends for a lot of years. Most all of us were Denny's cooks. Billy told him of many men I was supposed to have had sex with. 
I convinced him a lot of stuff was Billy's overactive imagination. He thought back to our days of alcohol drugs thieving etc...a lot of questions came up concerning these issues. Then the subject of do we need protection yes. He paid for the Depo shot which is $150.00 for three months coverage. 
Then there were the issues of I don't need you to buy me a white picket fence, a dog, a kid or any of the sort. We both agreed there was no ties, strings, no happily ever after Cinderella type bullshit. I have no proverbial plate to be filled. I usually say most men wouldn't know what to do with what goes in that glass slipper after they find her. 
I was not attracted to him in any way except he reminded me of Ozzie Osborne. He was not attracted to me either except for my body hair friendship and pot. Neither of us had been with anyone in many years we decided to take care of each other sexually. 
There were some ups and downs arguments things to get straight with one another even in a relationship such as this. Two parties agree on everything includes one big rule don't fall in love. He watched me become a real woman nah that's what I let him think he ate pussy good. We were comfortable together as friends I tried to be relaxed with him uninhibited. 
I never had orgasms with men during sex since Bobby, my first daughter's father and Jeff. It didn't happen during sex often. Rocky, the fantom finger fucker, that gentlemen trucker, Mark who wanted to talk about his orgasms with wife which was a huge turn off, Coleman that was fatal attraction and Steve, my home confinement officer risked it all to eat pussy. 
He was good at it too. Keith showed me over the last few years all the erotic sensitive places on a woman's body how to appreciate everything I had as a woman so he thought he was the first one doing this. He took time with me and much patience, loved lingerie. It was a plus to me he was now a believer also loved Jesus. 
And yes I do ask Him to forgive me if I'm wrong in all this I do believe he said; "It was better to spill your sperm in a whore rather than waste it on the ground." We both agreed if one finds someone they want to be with we won't stop being friends. This road was crossed dealt with a couple of times always the friendship gets lost. 
Thousands of things go wrong you would never thought would happen. I'm getting to Charlie, Ivan and Jeanie etc...Hurricanes be patient. There were a lot of good and bad things in this friendship besides sex benefits. Such as I would like to have the man of my dreams he would like to have the woman of his dreams. They just haven't shown up yet. We grew to trust each other.
Neither of us could trust anyone nor believe anything anyone says. We both needed another human to believe in whether there is sex or not. Someone both of us can ask for money belongings favors food whatever not hesitate or cringe. He gave me a place to get away from Micky Bithlo and Stony problem is he can't get his dick hard. Stony will soon be out. 
Micky was getting to be a handful old enough to stay alone now I was more than willing by now to get away from her without it costing me a fortune for someone to watch her. Still refusing to go to school starting to be a real smart mouth. She bullies me I have to buy her anything she wants to wear eat do or watch. 
She always has TVs games computers etc...nothing ever makes her happy. I have to do whatever she tells me to do or there is a huge fight. She still has horrible body hygiene throws nasty bloody napkins and tampons everywhere. She carves up destroys every bedroom set I get for her including my room. I am continuously remodeling time and again after she destroys it. 
Most of her clothing is all over the floor and the bed mixed with chips and cookie bags some not empty and plates with left over food everywhere. Soda bottles and cans everywhere. Food stashed and smashed everywhere. Most of the expensive equipment I keep setting up in her room she destroys. She always wants more, more, more yet is still always depressed. 
She hangs out with older girls and guys who have sex, drink alcohol, party, smoke pot and do drugs. Sometimes I know who and where most times she won't tell me. She has men pick her up from here, at malls, down the road or at any of her friends. Her friends come here constantly begging for cigarettes, food, pot, alcohol and money they are huge guys and girls.
They eat me out of house and home also add to Micky's horrible messes everywhere vandalize and break out windows to climb in and out. When is this teen age finger nail painting party going to stop being on mom's time and money? It gets worse hang loose let me tell you what happens later. 
Keith was somewhere I can be totally hidden where no one knows where I am can't call or look for me nor bother me in any way. He makes sure there is coffee, sweet and low snacks I like a lot of little extras no one else would appreciate anyone doing or even notice. 
Keith knew more about sex pleasing a woman than most men I've encountered still don't replace spontaneous orgasms during sex. Could not get his dick hard that's aggravating. There wasn't a lot of competition at the moment. I let him think he taught me how to appreciate every aspect of being of a woman. He only ate pussy he was lousy at sex. 
He loved lingerie, Beautiful perfume, dressing women and giving advice on hair and the like. He loved foreplay knew every erotic zone on a woman drive a woman insane with many orgasms it still don't replace a hard dick that's just good company. He loved to play experiment a little hold caress tickle my back cuddle and keep the conversation going.
The longer we had sex together the more we learned about each other. I learned without me he would be purchasing sex. I learned he didn't care whether it was me or someone off the streets he purchased. I learned he could never get his dick up/hard was now forcing me to give him head ALL the fucking time. Suck a soft dick forever.
The friendship was still there, but now lousy sex sucking a soft dick was expected from me. Quite a few times he purchased pussy when he thought I was seeing someone else it would pan out that I wasn't I just didn't want to be with him anymore. I quit seeing Keith for awhile couldn't tolerate being pawed all over knowing I'm only sex to him now friendship was lost.
For a couple of years I didn't call or go around Keith. I felt cheated out of having holding being with someone that was just for me. Someone I thought looked good to return deep feelings and emotions with someone I was attracted to. I couldn't stand Keith from the beginning he's always been an ass hole he was a getaway for me that was all. 
I tolerated him always trying to force me to give him a blow job head suck his soft dick. He was a place to get away from Micky, Bithlo and Denny's. I needed someone who would let me be a part of their life be proud to be seen with me do things together it got to be only sex now. We didn't go anywhere, but his bedroom. 
He gets pissed off if I didn't show up twice a week to take care of his soft dick whether I wanted to or not. He stopped helping with babysitting gas or the Depo shot or any protection or expenses it took to get over there way across town. 
I knew any time I didn't go to Keith's he has no emotions has no problem buying a fuck or get his dick sucked from someone off the streets this thought disgusted me. I know he purchased pussy and blow jobs a few times the day or so before me then played me. This he doesn't know I know. 
We together agreed to the no strings or attachment deal yet Keith gets pissed expects me to call him all the time keep in touch with him all the time and be there when he wanted sex. Kiss My Ass! It became an obligation to go spend the day or a couple of days doing what he wanted which was watching TV listening to music and get his dick sucked. 
I couldn't plan my weekends nor some days during the week. I had to keep them open for his soft dick. I wasn't attracted to him from the beginning was becoming lesser attracted to him as this no strings yet let's have a one way agreement which is I be there forever to suck his soft dick thing just kept going and going. 
I was afraid If I refused to suck his dick he would get really pissed. Anger finally reared it's ugly head over NO head. He was saying, "I'll make you happy satisfy you be your friend do anything in the world for you, but when I'm ready to lay you down in my bed you be there!" Kiss My Ass! HUH WHAT! 
Most men will do stuff like this turn it around on you make it look like what he did was all your fault and what you did is all your fault too. Men are never wrong and hate apologizing. They make you feel like it's your duty and responsibility to give them oral sex/suck their dick sometimes they get down right obnoxious about it. 
Women don't you just hate the famous; "You need therapy or counseling bullshit." Shit hit the fan I went to be with Keith I had been sucking his soft dick all night he did return the favor once and ate my pussy. The next morning I was having my first cup of coffee for the morning. Rule of mine is DON'T FUCK WITH ME AND MY MORNING COFFEE! 
Keith walked past me from the kitchen one sip was all I got when he hit me upside my head with his soft dick. Kept slapping me upside my head with his soft dick wouldn't quit hinting let's go I want my dick sucked. I walked out his door never called never went back that was gross and fucked up. 
For a few years after Billy died I stayed to myself all alone there were a lot of men interested and trying. Three of them came into my house being forceful, obnoxious a few almost became stalkers. I was basically in limbo land. I don't socialize nor go out to bars or parties. I don't go out with other employees. 
I buried myself into my work Micky fixing the house up and building computers. I have always went to work and straight home. Everyone assumed all these years I was such a loner trying hard to keep the outside world out of my world that I was married taken forbidden. I looked like a boy at work most times off work a greasy ugly cook. 
Most of my life I was lonesome the last five or six how ever many it's been was unbearably lonesome. I tried getting old friends involved in my life they tried to force sex on me right off. Night after night day after day the days seemed to be meaningless a lonesome existence. I know Jesus said; "He would always be with me," but this wasn't physical human conversation or sex.
Micky was no help to me now 12 she still throws her clothing all over the house and floors. Destroys and vandalizes the entire house anything I get or fix up she destroys. She collects food dishes drinks snacks packages and clothing in all the rooms. I've taught her how to do the dishes sweep mop vacuum do laundry she won't do anything.
I can get her once in awhile to put a load in or take a load out that's it for the month or do a sink of dishes when the blue moon comes around. She STILL won't go to school has not been to school on time or for a full day in over two and a half years. I've been to the shelters picking her up so many times they should assign me a parking space free on the GOV.
Had dozens of threatening letters from truancy and the school threatening to take me to jail turn me in for child abuse. I've had the HRS here many times and many times been in cuffs with them. I've had many officers come take her either to school or to the shelter for truancy. She won't do anything, but eat sleep and boss me around.
The fights to get her to school became violent sometimes physical I just gave up. I try for an hour or so then give up. I've been to the school almost every day for the past several years counseling and more counseling meetings after meetings courts after courts probations after probations programs after programs in house and to their offices. Referral's and more referrals.
She destroys the entire house every day and equipment. She answers every thing with a know it all smart ass answer. She filters all the phone calls no one can get through to me. She charged up a two hundred dollar phone bill then a three hundred dollar one then a five hundred dollar one I had to give up my Bell-South account which included the phone and Internet. 
It took me forever to get another service. She bought a credit card on my name then one thousand dollars later I go through hell to get rid of the card and get some of the money back. She hangs out with older girls and boys which have long since quit school some of them were talking her into letting them steal from me or making her steal for them.
I still have Faith in her that she will still end up going down the right roads and will keep fighting her laziness, yeah right Santa's elves are helping me with everything till then. I needed or wanted the companionship of a man in a sexual way and adult conversation loneliness was unbearable. I could not explain this to Micky we don't get along anymore. 
She only uses me she can't stand me her home or her situation in life she's extremely spoiled this would mean nothing to her. I don't feel comfortable talking about my sexual desires wants or needs with a child she would think why isn't she enough it would become another fight. I keep it all bottled up. I feel like I'm the one God left out of everything. 
I'm the one God left with no one. I'm the one who lost four children yet have one who cares. I've lost many people to death many that wouldn't do nothing, but take from my every being. I'm the one who can't find a compatible companion. I'm all Micky has, but I don't have her. I'm thinking of buying out the straw factory maybe a few more camels. 
Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming anything on God, Jesus or even the Holy Spirit I know they are working hard. When though after I'm nothing, but wrinkles to look at? Ya know that feeling when you want to just curl up in the fetal position and disappear? I thought about going out to the bars, but it sickened me. 
I don't want to pick up another bum or alcoholic I've had enough of them in my life. I also don't want to watch everyone go from being able to say the alphabets to slurring them all together. Then the darts pool and games get further out of every ones sight for some odd reason they can't play the way they did when they first came in. Hmm. 
I also don't want to tolerate all the pawing on my body lies and pick up lines from drunks or the forceful ones. That's one of the main reasons I quit seeing Keith. One morning I was sitting in his living room truthfully I was aggravated with him. I had gotten tired of the way he was treating me although he thought he was treating me better than any man ever has. 
So fucking what I don't want the way he was treating me either. The fact I wasn't ever attracted to him made the situation worse. I was tired of being pawed all over by him. He was also handicapped in bed. He had bad veins his legs were always giving out neither of us was getting 100%. I wasn't getting any percent. 
He wanted to have sex at exactly his timing in all the same positions over and over every time. I was sitting there having a cup of coffee and a cigarette disgusted over the entire night wishing I could be with someone I wanted to be with and this lousy nasty fucking ass hole walks over to me naked starts slapping his soft ass dick on my face demanding I give him head.
I pushed him to the side and left. I didn't go back around him for a few years once again till I was horny and lonesome I thought oh well it wasn't that bad maybe it won't happen again. I went to see him, but during the night he started grabbing my hair forcing my face down to his soft penis forcing me to give him head. That's it no way ever again. 
Keith still calls once in awhile wanting to know if there is a Mary still lives here or if she's still alive. Oh well he can buy a tramp to suck his soft ass dick. Over the years I've worked with partied with hung around with mostly all men. I'm very strong have always held my own on almost anything or any situation. 
Everyone that knew from customers to cooks, servers, managers, GMs, owners, dishwashers and people I knew all thought of me as one of the guys one of the cooks to party with talk to have fun with just one of the guys. I was everyone's dear Abbey. Guys all my life talked to me about their wives girlfriends friends co-workers and details of their sex lives. 
I've always been the local dear Abbey. They always had fun with me joked around with me sexually, but no one would ever want to get serious with me. I'm just one of the guys way too ugly for anyone. I have let myself go over the years I don't care about anything anymore except Jesus my salvation trusting always in him that it's gotta get better for me. 
But when? When I'm celestial? Bottom line in my opinion men can not be faithful can not tell the truth can not keep their penis out of other pussy holes tell you they want to be with you when they really want to go party see if there is any available chances to get laid or any better offers for pussy before they take yours. 
Jeff was the closest thing to a perfect relationship I've ever had I fucked up! There has been many cases of sexual harassment over the years from cooks or managers physically emotionally sexually sometimes violently harassing me. I usually blow them off as harmless and continue taking the abuse. 
There is nothing you can do about anything bad that goes on in the back houses of any restaurant they usually always win I'm usually always wrong they make a fool and example out of me. It's nothing I can't handle nothing I haven't tolerated over the many years as a cook. I've only made the mistake of believing one manager once I wrote that story earlier. 
There have been many of them gorgeous men coming on to me then later I see and hear them saying the same things and doing the same things to servers or another cook or another manager. How sleazy! Many places of employment there are a lot of HOT waitresses out there. 
I've watched cooks, managers and servers trip over their tongues and bend over backwards for the HOT servers and managers. Most all men brag about what they would do if they had such and such alone or boy I would do this or that to that. Or I'm gonna get me some of that. All male managers cooks and servers are no better than any other men. They are all horny dogs! 
They talk only about having sex with such and such how when and where. I've seen a lot of obsessions over the years too. Many of these horny dogs are trying to get laid by another employee or are married trying to get laid by another employee most times trying to get me to have sex with them too get real guys pay attention girls. 
I'm the one you men worked with gave a lot of you rides home for years who listens to all your crap on the line you talk to about your sex life past present or future affairs. When I dealt coke trip and pot I gave this to some of them to help them get laid I was giving you all pot coke and advise to get pussy...
It's like this I would like to have someone finally notice me I would like to get laid I'm extremely lonesome this isn't right cuz I'm not that bad I would like for someone to notice I'm a pretty woman if they treat women like this I don't want them. HOT waitresses that came through Aloma's Denny's male cooks servers and managers tried to get them to have sex with them.
While they were all still in the begging for sex mode impressing for sex mode talking about sex with them mode making plans for this extraordinary sexual encounter mode there was one man that had already had relationships for several years with almost everyone of them I'm talking sexual relationships with most of all of Denny's past and present waitresses. 
Franky had already done what they were still talking about and seemed to impress wine and dine roses the whole nine yards this Mr. wannabe Don Won Mr. wannabe player whore dog of the universe had hundreds of relationships and fuck. I wasn't just another one of the cooks, guys or dear Abbey. I was a lot more than that to them. 
I gave many of them rides to and from work for many years. They would tell me all about their latest girl friends experiences thoughts feelings or details about their one nighters or who their latest fuck was even how their latest fuck was. I helped many of them over the years move in and out of places loaned them money my vehicle etc...
I helped them get laid or get presents for who they were trying to fuck. I watched over the years lovers, lusters, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, customers, employees etc...bring in presents for someone e.g. roses, lottery tickets, birthday cakes, love notes, cute sexy furry handcuffs, sex jokes etc...
I've watched over the years customers cooks managers or male servers bring in roses flowers and different presents for all the women in the restaurant. Guess I wasn't ever considered a woman! That really hurt still does like them who cares right? I've cried over so much over the years you could say boo and I fall apart.
I've gotten one Christmas and birthday present in all my life Keith bought me a large bottle of Beautiful perfume to wear while I'm sucking his soft dick. My birthday isn't anything special to anyone. I was born on December 31, 1955 at 11:59 New Year's Eve. I have a twin brother born on January 1, 1956 at 12:02 New Year's Day. 
When David mentions his birthday at any time during his life everyone will stop look listen cheer celebrate etc...all his life. When I tell when mine is to anyone they blow me off it's in the old year it's over. I've tried to bring it to everyone at works attention by asking for my birthday off at the beginning of the year. 
When they catch on that it's the night before New Year's the busiest day of the year they don't believe me and have to look in my folder to see if I told the truth. I never get it off of course. I was only doing it as a joke also to say to anyone who would happen to give a care hey I'm like all the other human being's on earth could someone please wish me a happy birthday?
Over the years in many restaurants most all employees or even employers buy birthday cakes make a big deal out of everyone's birthday. Mine is passed up as just another day year after year. I watched for the last five years in particular a lot of really HOT managers have huge parties tons of gifts pouring in big cakes employees buying them gifts. 
Time and again this happens this is what is ironic most of their birthdays were before or after mine by just a few days. This is something else I could never tell anyone because who gives a crap right? I have also watched over the many years of cooking male managers male servers and male cooks with their tongues dragging the ground over HOT managers or servers. 
I guess I'm just jealous or life only has heavy straws for me? I would never dare tell anyone if I took off that greasy cooks hat washed and cut my hair let it all hang down stop wearing men's clothing three sizes too big for me under that uniform was still is a gorgeous woman. A better woman than most all of the men over the years have had or has. 
Don't tell anyone though only those who read this book will know I'm HOT and SEXY too. Just kidding again. I have long layered blonde hair and yes my drapes carpet everything are natural and do match. I weigh 120 pounds. I'm very limber can do cartwheels for several city blocks and back non stop. 
I have deep blue eyes which you can see the many years of tears pain and hardships. I have a lot more than that going for me. No one recognizes any of this except Jesus. I can build new or rebuild old computers all day long I know so can you. I can build web sites from HTML containing music backgrounds gifs etc...all done with HTML I know so can you. 
I know all the versions of DOS which comes in handy when dealing with older computers or outdated ones I know so do you. I do my own oil and fluids and work on my vehicles, I know so do you. I do all the repair work in my house on my own even electrical I know so do you. I cook pro on any line or cook's strip keep up with the best I know so can you. 
I have no health problems except my ulcer. I have a HOT little body, ass and hair. I do have bouts with my ulcer and hemorrhoids. We won't tell all these people who don't know all this who don't see all this okey dokey? Let me stay in my depression have my pity party all alone don't bother me. I'm familiar with the ole bottom of the barrel. 
After I quit work let my hair down took off that greasy uniform a lot of men started coming on to me. Don't they know I've heard all this thousands of times over in my line of work considering I was a dealer hang around men all my life? I don't want to fuck or date anyone just want to be acknowledged I'm not a greasy man back there on cook's strips. 
I'm naive, backwards, inverted, a sleaze ball magnet, inexperienced in relationships because none of the men in my relationships considered me HOT, exciting nothing in comparison with these HOT women over the years. Franky wrote them all special love letters poems over and over creating them in an awesome gorgeous frame and background on his computer. 
He would give every women he was with or interested in fucking pretty much the same run down. How much he loves them they are the only one in his life they are everything to him. For some reason all the HOT women believes what he tells them and falls deeply in love with this man. 
His lines he uses all the time when talking to them or coming on to them are actually really simple and stupid. He calls everyone baby puss sweet puss or some kind of puss. If you think his lines and his conversations with these women are stupid you gotta read his poems that's a classic. 
Funny thing is he actually thinks his poems or love letters and stories are really good they aren't they are like I said; "Simple sad and stupid." They sound like a young boy trying to impress his first woman. He buys them roses all the time or whatever else they want. He spends all his money on them. He works harder for them longer hours for them.
Keep in mind I'm the local dear Abbey I've known the dirty details of almost every male server cook or manager in almost every Denny's from Sarasota to Orlando's sexual encounters or lives for many years. All the other male servers male cooks male dishwashers and male managers has talked about dumb drugged out cancer ridden dead man walking Franky. 
Remember I'm Abbey they all tell me everything. They say he's a moron a user an idiot that would stick his dick in anything animals old ladies or even children. BUT look what he's doing while they are busy talking about all the HOT women what their plans are to get one and fuck the shit out of them and while they talk about how dumb Franky is. 
Franky has already fucked every woman almost on every shift for many years he's done them and done with them out of there through with them. He's fucking and sucking all of the HOTTEST ones while they are all still dreaming, fantasizing and running their mouths. 
Franky is getting laid by all the HOT ones they are not getting anything unless they are married or have a girlie friend in which case you lousy sleaze ball you should keep your thoughts to yourself your dick to your wife or girlfriend. That's just not right God will get you for that! This guy Franky has quite a story. Remember local Abbey talking here. 
Franky is forgetting I was the one riding him around doing things for him before during and after his wife Destiny, Tasha, Muna and Elaine. Did I miss anyone besides the ones he's working on fucking right now? There was one in Korea a year or so ago I've listened forever about all their sex tales and the older woman. 
He kept having me email her for him talking her into believing in him telling her how good of a man he is. I used to take him to his house to see his daughter. One time for Christmas he collected up a bunch of stuff for her we took it all to her. One of the items was a very nice expensive porcelain doll I had reminded Franky of his daughter. 
Actually everything he took to her I gave to him to give to her I wasn't allowed to go around her. I have been watching helping listening to this man about all the women past present and future ones too. Listening to all the details of their love life sex and relationships what they had done to him or not done to him. 
How he felt emotionally, physically and psychologically about them. Details of their sex pictures things they had done together. I knew everything about Franky all his sex relationships or adventures yet he was just a waiter a stranger I knew nothing about him personally. 
For many years he called my house during the night keep me up listening to his bullshit because he was high drunk alone or crying in his alcohol over some woman. He even told me how long it took to get each woman and what it took him to get them. I had been there for Franky all along down the road he will forget I was the one had been there for him. 
Granted yes most of his fuck were and are there for him too, but so was I more so than any other woman. These days he has no remembrance of that part of it. He chooses to not have me in his memories in the respect he didn't want our relationship to be as it was in the past, someone always there for him to call every day or every night and talk about anything he wanted. 
I always go rescue him from places after the women and him go out get drunk messed up. Sometimes they dump him somewhere I would have to go get him even find him sometimes. I was the one who moved all his belongings to another place each time he broke up with someone. He had such a bad reputation as a horrible whore dog! 
Everyone in all the restaurants and bars he hung out in knew what a whore dog sleaze ball ass hole two timing liar he is. When I came back to work here this last time I learned that two of the servers had cancer. Franky was one of them. I was hurt shocked not Franky. Destiny, one of his exes for Franky she was "The Bush Goddess" and he was "The Bush God." 
She still is his idea of a perfect woman next to her his idea of a perfect woman is me, but I know Tasha was second to the most perfect woman in his eyes, but she had a lot of issues which took points off as far as Franky was concerned. She went with too many men, she did too much coke and rock, she was too high maintenance etc...
Long, spiraled, red hair, small body and huge vagina according to Franky's description. The pedestal he had Destiny on was higher than Tasha's. According to Franky Destiny would not be faithful to one man she shows up out of the blue her and Franky spend sex time together. How one could fuck another after fucking so many others is beyond me on both their parts. 
Franky would blow any woman off for her even Tasha. Destiny went on her own way they still get together often. He wrote many poems love letters to all his women. Destiny and Tasha are the only women that have a hold on Keith's heart attention and money. 
He loves his ex-wife dearly and all the other women especially the one in Japan which I can't spell her name he will forsake lie cheat hurt take away from any woman to be with Destiny or Tasha. Tasha and Franky has a love/hate relationship. At one point they got into a huge fight Tasha used to do a lot of nasty stuff to Franky he always took her back always forgave her.
She stripped his jeep one night. Took all the expensive equipment he had in the jeep. She was a terrible lover according to Franky. There were several men she kept going to have sex with. Franky could not tolerate her going back and forth to a lot of different men those two men in particular. She loves cocaine and rock tries to stick with men that can either get it or do it.
Many nights Franky would get drunk be on his medication too call me night after night talk for hours about his sex his relationships computers everything we could talk to each other for hours on end. He made a lot of prank sex phone calls when he was messed up to work a lot of other women or fellow employees. 
I knew when it was him sometimes I would put him on the spot in front all his co-workers. He tried to talk sex I was not into phone sex or any sex for that matter. Especially with a dog like Franky! He had always come on to me try talking me into having sex with him when I took him anywhere on the phone late nights or at work. 
I never took him serious. I never took anyone serious. He went with way too many women for me to fool with, but he was harmless a very gentle man. He asked over and over please come in with me keep me company just for a few hours. Jokingly I would always say, "I need more than the 4 or 5 hours you are offering. I want a man that is just mine all mine." 
He always said; "He could be that man." He says so much to so many women how can anyone take him serious? Especially when he tells them ALL they are the only one they are special bullshit he loves them all. What kind of crock is that as many women as he has had? No way he could love each and everyone of them, but he does. 
No woman could possibly feel special to him, but they do. Muna was one of our waitresses. She was from Morocco. She's gorgeous and also one of Franky's idea of a perfect woman. She took him for a real ride. He tried for a long time to get her almost two years he fooled around with her till he got her. 
She took him for a lot of money ran his cell phone up over and over calling Morocco. She was going with other men I don't think Franky knew nor would admit it if he knew nor would I ever tell him. He said; "She started becoming an alcoholic going out with other men became obvious." He said; "Her vagina/pussy stank so bad he could barely tolerate being around her." 
In her cute little Moroccan accent she was always saying, "Eat my pussy Franky." He would cringe at the thought and think oh NO not that again yet he says, "Her vagina is very small." He finally got her out of his life not out of his system he says, "He will beat her severely or kill her if he sees her."
Franky took a lot of pictures and movies of a lot women he was fucking while having sex. He said; "Muna was the hardest one to get a good shot of his dick going in her pussy." Well you get the picture about this guy by now right? Franky was into a lot of kinky perverted shit. I thought Stony was perverted he's got nothing on Franky. 
Keep reading it will SHOCK you the things some people get into sexually. I could keep going forever about all his past present and the future pussies he wants. There are four he has the hots for so bad no one can get past them in his mind. Destiny is one Tasha another Jeanie and Monica who are managers many more he has the hots for intends on trying to fuck. 
Destiny and Tasha are the ones you can't get him to love you higher than them they will always come first. If he has a date with anyone and the ones he has the hots for ask him he will ditch and lie to that the other person to be with her unless the other woman has something better to offer like unconditionally having sex in the ass. 
Or better pot than the woman he has the hots for. What a great man to have huh? Gotta get me one like that-NOT! I've had quite a few of them way more than my share. I always wandered about Franky why did he go through so many women? Why do so many women either tell him off or make him pay dearly to do anything for him. 
What is it that women find attractive about him? He's a dog an ass hole a serious pervert obnoxious alcoholic drugged out all the time he's old now wasn't good looking even when he was young. He treats women like he owns them can do say anything he wants to them. He has sex with every woman he finds hot. 
He's ugly, can't get his hair to behave even when he shaves it all off. He's all wrinkled everywhere he's an alcoholic. He takes all kinds of potent drugs which make him go crazy especially if he's drinking. He's dying of cancer which he says is in remission right now. I don't think it's going to stay in remission long. This is my opinion. 
I still say, "You die the way you live most times." He abuses sex and mistreats women this should tell you something. From a front it looks as though he's the sweetest man on earth to all women. I have a feeling this is the farthest from the truth. Two sides remember? Franky would do things to me like walk up behind me rub his dick as close as he can push it on my ass.
He whispers what all he wanted to do to me. He did this to every woman. He would talk sex talk over the phone all night if I was awake enough to keep up with his nonsense. He did this to women he had women he was going with women he wanted I had no intentions of letting this sleaze ball make me another one of his sweet pusses or baby pusses or whatever pusses. 
I thought he was ugly, nasty, in no way very mature. I tolerated him the same way I tolerated Billy or any other man with a complete cold shoulder ice all the way. I wanted a man to treat me to stuff wine and dine me yet I hate going out to restaurants for many reasons I can't drink anymore I wouldn't be any fun to anyone anymore. 
I don't like to eat or drink from restaurant dishes I don't want some stranger touching my food. Most cooks are gross nasty no one would know that except another cook. Food is not as sanitary up to date temp and prepared correctly as you may think. It takes me forever to chew and eat leaving everyone else through with their meals staring at me ready to go. 
I don't like other people watching me eat I like to fast for three days then eat a good meal thank the Lord for helping me through the fast. Thank Him for whatever he reveals through the fast for cleansing my body for my love and obedience for Jesus thank him for the meal I'm gonna chow down on. It's a thing between Him and I don't ask why I just told you why. 
I also have an emotional or psychological problem with food. Mom and dad used to hit me in the back of my head while I was eating making me gag throw up and cry. They would beat my little sister with food in her mouth an epileptic seizure going on. When I could not get them to let me come home time and again over all those years I almost starved so many times.
I had to learn on my own the food I was watching people eat looking through the windows outside in the snow rain or whatever I had to go to work earn a paycheck pay for whatever I wanted. I had so many men treat my kids really bad over food yell at them over food deprive them of food. I went through similar circumstances with Micky men treating her bad over food.
I go off on someone if they have an attitude or anything about food and stop eating for days. If anything goes wrong in my life I stop eating if anything upsets me I quit eating. I guess it's also my way of punishing myself for everything. If I punish my body I'm either praising God or thinking I'm the cause of all the evil need to fast to clean it all out. 
Going out to eat isn't a good idea either. I want a man to ask me out instead of let's fuck. I've had tons of men outright ask for sex that's a turn off. A friend's husband came in my house asked if I would have sex he was so horny he couldn't go to work. I said; "No." He proceeded to ask if I would compensate with a blow job. 
This guy so fucking dumb he then ask for an hand job. I was told he had pictures of me he got from the Internet that were hidden in his house he jerks off to. I told him to leave my house if he wanted to go out with me do it the proper old fashion way with flowers and candy knock on the door ask me out offer to let my daughter go too. He did I ran him off.
One of her other husbands did basically the same thing. And a man who gave me ride to work one day who had to get back to work release begged me for sex before he had to go back sick fuck. I'm not dead just sick of the games men play with our lives all the diseases and most men out here in Bithlo fuck crack head whores. Ask me out where though? 
Not a restaurant obviously and not a bar. I'm not a drinker so it would get old to me quick watching everyone get stupid or wasted thinking of them driving the risk being taken of losing license vehicles and maybe lives. Bars always kick me out for having coffee. Isn't that funny? They let people get wasted drive home or wherever, but kick me out for coffee. 
So bars are pretty much out of the question too. The closest restaurant is 10 miles to Denny's. Not going to restaurants so where exactly does this idiot think he is going to take me in Bithlo to a Kangaroo store? I would like for a man to give me roses or just a rose. I don't like roses they die and the nylon satin plastic or silk ones get lost or torn up and collect dust. 
I guess rose giving is a no no too. I would like for a man to shower me with groping hugging cuddling playing around foreplay be with me do things with me. Oh well I'm not that good at all that stuff anyway. Otis Redding was right this loneliness won't leave me alone. I really needed some adult company not that of a female or kid either. 
It was eating away at me giving way to the depression which resides in all of us. I just couldn't bring myself to trust again. That's a road I'm tired of going down traveled it too much. I was getting desperate couldn't handle it anymore. Keith made it known he had sex with several other women during all this time. I didn't want to go there with Keith again. 
Keith would go with any woman I wasn't nothing more than free sex to him. Keith was a great lover as far as foreplay, but his legs both need surgery. He can't have sex the way he used to because of the cramps and body aches. He's limited to the positions he can do so I have to keep this in mind when and if I decide to get things started up with him again. 
He has a horrible body and face I could not hurt his feelings in any way. I'm not into oral sex period. Any man who thinks women really likes this is looking for whores. I couldn't stand him other than being straight up friends. I heard a message on TV a preacher said; "Get rid of that booty call or you will never find a good man who you find fun and compatible." 
This message was just so clear out of the blue maybe this is the only way God can get me to be quiet or get my attention. I was taking it that this was my message if I quit seeing Keith He will help me find that man? I could not tolerate Keith pawing all over me expecting me to be his sex slave be there for him when he calls wanting sex. 
A little TV a little music see how fast he can get the friendship talking part out the way so he can have his blow job always asking me to give him head oral sex. Why do men think this is our job to suck their dicks? Foreplay sex was put on a shelf somewhere replaced with sucking his nasty soft dick for special attention go tell a $20.00 woman. 
I knew he paid other women to give him oral sex and sex why did I have to spend my time my money on gas babysitters Depo shots the wear and tear on Ole' Blue the cost of keeping it up fixing it the daily maintenance of a vehicle insurance every month license tags. The ride in itself is 60 miles or so one way. He never invites me to anything his family does with him. 
He never invites me anywhere except his bed. The only way I could tolerate him is to fantasize that he was Ozzie. And you want what? Special attention? That's what we have whores for ooh baby ooh baby ooh. I'm sorry Lord forgive me and that good green stuff, but I don't want Keith to ever read this book find out the truth that he is not the King of the hill. 
I would never hurt his feelings like this. He thinks that no one can take care of me the way he does. Take care of me? I live how far away again? He thinks the Lord told him to look after me take care of me in every aspect. So far the only aspect has been I looked forward to getting away, but to that same ole' apartment where there is nothing else to do at all. 
Except listen to TV radio Keith's mouth with the same ole news I've heard many times over the years let him grope all over me suck his soft dick. He won't let me talk about any subject only subjects he wants to talk about. He tells me I don't care. I can't talk about the past Denny's Restaurants Billy Micky my house or my dogs. 
I have to let him talk about whatever he wants to talk about. He complains about everything hates everything except lingerie pot and sucking his soft dick. I've cooked partied with his family his two brothers for many years worked with them at Denny's then I worked for Bob one of Keith's brothers for a couple of years when he bought out the restaurant on OBT. 
When Keith starts having sex he doesn't want me to smoke anything, drink anything, do anything or watch anything on TV for hours on end while he gets his fill of sex and groping me. I just don't see where this is to my benefit money wise vehicle wise or even sex wise. It was like it was getting more like a possessive controlled relationship to me.
I was getting so lonesome and wanted to have conversation with an adult sex with an adult do a few adult activities. I I didn't want to get back into anything with Keith he was the only clean person single person I knew I could do this with. I called him made a date got some lingerie together like he liked the perfume Beautiful which we both liked told him I was on my way.
knew he had sex with a lot of women since me he said; "He was always careful wore rubbers." Oh how nasty! I had no choice I didn't know where else I could go no one I could trust or knew was clean or single or who would even want me. I know my self esteem is way too low. Life hasn't offered me much more than to believe this way about myself. 
On the way over there I kept thinking I really hate this. I don't want to do this. This kept going through my mind over and over. This sucks this sucks this sucks and the more it went through my mind the worse I hated the idea of being with Keith. 
Yes he's good at foreplay, but that had stopped and he's handicapped which makes it very uncomfortable, confining and I'm restricted many times I was trapped under him till he could get his legs to work to get off me. Of course he will cook me some chicken if I'm a good girl keep my mouth open for special attention. 
I decided after I was about a mile or so from his house no matter what I'm turning around going home I really don't want to do this. I should never have to be with a man I don't want to be nor have sex with someone I don't want to have sex with. This should be my choice not my only option even though it had been quite a few years.
Counting the time with Jimmy which was null the time with Billy null time with Steve was definitely null. Other than the short term booty call I was doing with Keith it's been many years. Aside from Coleman and Jeff there was never anything worthy of talking about. All the way there something else was on my mind or my heart trying to tell me something? 
Couldn't be my heart that thing messes me up with decisions men and sex. What I kept thinking was nagging at me NO I could not even think that way. It kept popping into my head I kept saying, "No way." I kept thinking I know Franky has not been with anyone in a long time I know remember I'm Dear Abbey. 
I also know since he has cancer that he gets tested regular so I know he's clean. Why don't I go to him? Go to Franky? No way no way I could be thinking this. That's just crazy. He'll use you hurt you this will end up being a night mare! But I still kept thinking this go see Franky go see Franky. Take Franky up on his offer see where his heart and mind is. 
See if he wouldn't mind having a regular booty call. I didn't really catch on that for all these years he had tried desperately to get with me, but I never NEVER would catch on. He even told me this time and again if you would just go with me I wouldn't be going through so many relationships. It was like I had known Franky forever he had been there for me all along. 
I was all of a sudden very excited with this idea. I'm gonna need more paper for this hold onto your hearts one huge straw is about to be added along with a ton of small and medium ones. I'm gonna also need more camels. It was my conscious choice to go see Franky the thoughts started before I left my house he was just a thought buried in the back of my mind. 
As I drove on further the thought kept surfacing getting clearer. But he has such a horrible reputation I couldn't understand where these feelings were coming from. I kept thinking follow your heart just this one more time maybe it won't lead me astray this time. Maybe my heart will make up for all the horrible mistakes and pain it's caused by guiding me wrong in the past. 
Yeah right I'll find myself in bed with Hank Williams in the morning too huh? Maybe he's ready for a good woman right about now He keeps saying he is. He's had his share of them both bad and good. So what do I think is so special about me that I will turn his head and heart or can hold his attention have his love and heart beyond all other women even Destiny and Tasha! 
If I got involved you know this would be my main goal to get put above Tasha and Destiny once I'm there it may no longer be so tempting of a challenge. I was once told by a Black teacher who was a believer in jail her husband was a preacher. She said; "Do something so amazing that you could have only accomplished that with God's help." My dad planted a solid seed.
Eddie, Franky's room-mate let me in said the strangest thing. He will wake up for you he will also get dressed and leave with you. That was all Eddie said it was strange because no one knew I was coming there. I went into Franky's room. All he had was a foam mattress a blanket covering it. 
His computer, a little radio, some new pots and pans, a microwave, a few clothes and uniforms and some fishing equipment. This was the extent of this man's belongings. I knew this because I've been the one moving him in and out of all his girlie friend's places every time he broke up with someone. I've been lugging his stuff around for some time I know what all he owns. 
He got up was dressed like he knew I was coming. I didn't know what to say to him he was grinning from ear to ear neither of us was talking I froze up. What do I say how do I ask a man out? How do I ask a man if he wants to have sex with me? 
Franky and I were rambling on like we had not seen each other in forever or talked to each other in forever then again we always carried on like that. Out of no where I blurted it out how bad do you want some pussy? I thought oh shit I can't back that out of my mouth. What have I done I opened that door? Oh no help me Lord I said it all at once. 
I was froze didn't have to wait for a response long. Franky grabbed me hugged really hard for a long time mumbling how happy he was. He said; "His heart was beating way to fast he was way too excited do you realize how long it took me to get you!" I was shocked I didn't know he was serious all these years. 
He said; "He even prayed to God to let him be with me just one time he told God he knew he could be good to me and good for me." He was still hugging me then we got his things. I was thinking reasoning this away I've known him for a few years it's not like he's a total stranger. I've been his dear Abbey forever. I know everything about his ex loves and lovers. 
All about their detailed sex. All about what they all did to him. We've been talking for the last couple of years at work and over the phone. I couldn't explain why I was so worked up about this. I had such a happy feeling about this. My heart was pounding as thoughts raced through my head like don't let me down Franky. 
Please don't let me get over there and you insult me or something goes wrong maybe I insult him. I was thinking maybe I wasn't thinking clearly maybe I'm just too horny and lonesome. There is no way my conscience myself or the Lord is telling me to go see this King of Sleaze balls. 
If it's my heart then I know I'm going wrong cuz it's never led me right, but a couple of times even those times I let my heart ruin those relationships for me those damn bad decisions in the way along the way. Turning down the wrong roads detouring straying from my appointed path or road. Which I don't really know what that is. I actually had the hots for Franky. 
I knew he wouldn't be good for me I'm not saying, "He would be right for me or we couldn't make it right for us, but he wouldn't be good for me." I know I'm going to get hurt the only stories I know are the ones he told me. What I see is Franky is very good to women. He could be so gentle loving the perfect man. I'm kidding right? 
I was thinking I want Keith to wine and dine me like he's done others for so many years. I want him to make good of his promises to grope me all the time lick my pussy all the time and hold me all the time. He said; he could have sex for hours on end let's see if every thing is all talk or if he really can do this. He begged me to spend time with him for two or three years.
He has so many women I wasn't interested in a dog player or anymore Sleaze balls. He begged every woman to spend time with him. He had the hots for so many women there would be no way I would stand a chance. What the heck do all these women see in this old ugly wrinkled dying has been pervert wannabe player? 
He's a waiter I don't like to mingle with waiters or waitresses. They are nosey, two faced back, stabbing gossipers. He has nothing going for him no car no license no money no pot he's wanted by the law for a lot of stupid stuff and stupid drug exchanges. He don't make much remember I was his cook all these years. 
He has no money no home to speak of no vehicle no clothes only one or two outfits and two or three Denny's uniforms a fishing pole and his computer. I want him to spend money on me like he does all those women. I was forgetting all the nasty dirt I knew about him. It's going to be a battle of my heart he won't let loose of Destiny or Tasha nor anyone else. 
He'll always be searching trying to get new or trying to find that perfect pussy or who's bringing more to the party. There have been so many women he has loved this won't mean nothing to him. He has had so much sex mine won't phase him I'll get my feelings hurt big time. What if he doesn't like the way I look now? What if what if. 
I was at Eddie's where I last took Keith's belongings when I helped him move out from Elaine's house. I was forgetting about everything I knew about Franky throwing away all logic reality and stepped right into it. What I was stepping into has turned into the biggest eye awakener, biggest hurt, biggest tear jerker, biggest heart break, biggest nightmare of my life. 
Well maybe not of my entire life there's been a lot of them well here goes one more. Franky is a Jew he taught me a lot I didn't know about Jews. He's also a Capricorn-OH MY GOSH-what a head clash two Capricorns. Gotta be major fireworks or disasters coming. 
I walked right into this one wide awake knowing all I knew about him, but was being blinded by hormones needing to explode. From the moment the idea popped into the very back of my head I should have gotten my thoughts cleared together and got out of there. We were driving to a store to get Franky some liquor. 
We were both so numbed and dumb founded by what just happened we both forgot what was just said and done back in that room. We loved it was cherishing the moment of it was kind of scared to bring it up again for fear this was all a misunderstanding and the other didn't want what the other thought the other one wanted. 
We were scared if we talked about what I said or the long hug the excitement of it all would go away neither of us wanted it to go away. We started talking each other's ears off just like we had always done for the last few years. He kept telling me how many times he prayed to God he could be with me just one time show me how hard he could love me. 
I knew in my mind where did all reasoning go Franky would stand me up for those other women he would lie to me cheat on me take advantage of me then ditch me for a new one or one of his true loves or whoever had more and better pot or drugs. Neither of us was thinking with common sense logic reasoning or anything else normal. 
We wanted each other badly not just sexually. We were both ready for a relationship, but both of us were looking for that perfect one. We are both perfectionist looking for that perfect hug perfect sex perfect feeling perfect relationship. We were both smart enough to make this work. We did consider each other perfect in a lot of aspects in a lot of aspects we found fault. 
We were spending time together trying to get past the stranger stage two people who knew so much about each other well actually I knew everything about him he knew nothing about me. I never told him anything about me he didn't even know what my last name was. He was smart enough to get the managers to let him look in my files to find out some stuff about me. 
We were trying to find out whatever we could about each other so we could reason away jumping into the sack together. I knew everything about Franky except his social. OH MY was I wrong about everything I need a heart transplant this one fucked me up. Later down the road I found some freaky perverted porn that involves me when I caught on I was so hurt. 
Remember that fetal position and disappearing? Sorry I'm giving away I learned something terrifying traumatic for me. I can't get over everything I'm mulling over in my mind. Back to this magical night then I'll tell about all that. We talked for hours enjoying each others company more than we did in the past. We were both open wanting and ready for this. 
I don't think neither of us meant for this to be just sex between us. We wanted each other mind heart and soul. I mixed a tiny bit of his liquor with an entire glass of Mountain Dew. He said; "Wow I can't believe your breaking 13 years of sobriety for me." Into the hours of the night Franky finally led me to my waterbed. 
What he said to me was the grandest, sweetest thing I've ever heard. I've never heard it put so nicely. I wasn't even thinking how many times has he used this line? Franky said; "Ok Baby Puss it's time to break the ice." He knew I was nervous scared it had been many years since a hard dick. I didn't know he was nervous scared too. 
He wanted everything our first time to be perfect. He wanted no interference no mistakes. He wanted only to concentrate on making love to me he was awesome. We fucked all that night into the next night the next till it was time for him to go back to work. He said; "It was like breaking a virgin the feeling of that never went away the entire time."
We stayed together every day after he got off from work. We had sex before he went to work for hours after we got back. Franky was saying, "This is going to be a great relationship. This will be a sharing relationship he was saying." He was talking things like when I'm with you don't go anywhere. Don't work, don't leave stay with him till he falls asleep or goes to work.
He wants me to stay in my room naked with him. He started talking about fucking me in my ass. Now please forgive me for talking so blunt I don't know any other way to get my point across later as to what I found out why he was wanting something so painful unnatural from me. The next day was his last day at work. 
I was looking forward to picking him up from work was so excited to get to spend two entire days with him. This wasn't what happened at all! My heart breaks starts here truthfully Franky really did love me he loved everybody! I think it was before I left my house that first night I started thinking of Franky in a sensual way. 
I invited Franky out a few times never went through with it I always stood him up I wasn't interested at the time. Frankly I thought Franky wouldn't be able to handle me. He was excellent he was rocking my world every time. There were a few problems with the sex started after a week or so. 
He couldn't keep his dick in me very long he was saying, "It was hot up in there it was burning his dick." He said; "It was from me going through menopause the change had something to do with the temperature inside a women's vagina." He could still go for hours on end at first. It became such a job to him later on he gently tried to get out of doing it. 
He loved it, but it took a lot from him. He was so into pleasing me each and every time he wanted every time to be like the first time forever for him he was more performing than anything all he was doing was making me uncomfortable it was getting really painful he was getting rough and some perversion started slipping out here and there.
He begged me to let him fuck me in my ass all the time. He would not take no for an answer. He was telling me all his women do this if I won't do that it will die out no longer interest him. He told me to pick him up at 10:00 P.M. I called at 9:30 Allmouth told me Franky had to work all night. He was lying for Franky.
I went over to a mutual friend and co workers house Terry. Terry had worked with me for many years as a dish washer for Mr. Aloma. Terry and I had been good friends for a lot of years. Terry told me to call work find out what time he had to come in. I called Allmouth thought I wanted to talk to Franky. He said; "Franky just left for the night." 
I said; "What? You told me an hour ago he was staying all night." Allmouth said; "I don't know what to tell you he has left for the night." Allmouth knew what he was doing he was covering for him. Allmouth knew where Franky went and who went with him. I drove to Eddie's house no one was there. 
I went home and cried all night in my storage shed by myself listening to country music. My storage shed is like a small house it has it's own breaker box for it's own electric, four computers, a TV, VCR/DVD player, printer, microwave, couch and stereo and a few doobies. 4:00 A.M. the phone rings. I knew it was him what do I say or do? 
If I bitch him out for standing me up he may not want me I listened first. He said; "He took some medication and had been drinking all night he was sick, fucked up and didn't know where he was. He could see a 7-11 near the airport. I told him to stay there I'll be there soon. By the time I got there he made it home was passed out. 
I drove all over looking for him he was passed out at home all this time. I had to jump the back fence when I got there to get to Franky's window. He put me through bullshit all that night the least he could do is wake up talk to me for one minute. It took an hour to get him up let me in. I pissed off Eddie and his neighbors. 
Eddie was fucked up too he had been with Franky at this huge bachelor party Franky threw for himself. He took me to his bedroom started spilling his guts. He acted like he didn't know what he was saying doing or who he was talking to. 
He was talking at first about off the wall shit, he's looking for a lifetime partner, he wants to get to know me better, he thinks I may be the one. I was thinking your full of shit. He said; "He went to a bar to be on the Fear Factor show. He ate an entire plate of worms an entire plate of dog food." He started telling by names what everyone was doing. 
Almost every woman he has fucked in the past was there his ex-girlie friends, current girlie friends, all the women he's obsessed with was partying and drinking with him except me. There was Jeanie, Muna, Jody, Tasha & Demaris. He said; "He wanted to show them he was not stupid." Looks to me he showed them the opposite. How stupid are you Franky? 
No woman or man is worth degrading yourself for. He said; "He offered to get Muna a hotel room." He realized what he said he backed off rephrased it. He stood me up to go drinking with them. He said; "He didn't invite me he didn't want me tainted like them." Yeah right! He was running his drunk mouth steady putting his shoe further down his throat I was listening silently. 
I gathered my stuff I'm through dealing with this. What Franky did to save the day jolted my heart. He was talking about fucking me in my ass this was the ultimate submission for your man. We were through arguing Franky grabbed everything out of my arms. I was steady putting it all back into my arms he kept taking it out this went on for awhile. 
It was getting funny we both stopped to laugh I gave up and listened. I said; "Ok give it your best shot Franky let's hear it all." Hurricanes are here! I'm one of few people who stayed wandered around through them even got away with driving through most of them. I have driven through many hurricanes scared of nothing in life. 
I can tell you all the damage I saw happening from Titusville, Orlando to Bradenton what all was going on with me through each hurricane. Sometimes Orlando and surrounding areas get evacuated I hide never leave later drive through them. There was a temporary law put into affect that all Denny's cooks are allowed to drive during a Hurricane. 
We are considered shelters we also take food to stranded people and workers. Us cooks are the ones that have to transport food from one Denny's to another when the hurricane is too close. The law was put your cook's hat with the Denny's logo in the window. Damn it I thought I had been through enough in life here comes the first big one Charlie. 
What point in life if any will society, people, HRS, government, jobs, courts, counselors, Cins & Fins etc...consider me a non felon? Will anyone ever acknowledge I've been expunged with clemency over 14 years? Expunge and clemency are red flags I was a felon. I quit drinking doing cocaine in any form and acid, mescaline even pot marijuana (*on occasion for that one.). 
I cold turkeyed it all on my birthday which as you know is 12/31/55. One minute before midnight at 11:59. I purposely quit drinking doing all drugs cold turkeyed everything on my birthday at the same time I was born. Micky was one year old. I wanted to raise my daughter in a sober environment. 
I was careful all these years not letting her see me hold hands kiss hug nor touch a man didn't keep her safe from sex and men. Cost me dearly in life to finally have a clear record clear license be sober drug free for the last 14 years. I have a 10 year drug and alcohol free ring I wear with much pride also I wear a fifteen year one earned that one too. 
They don't have a 14 year one I have to wait one more year to legally say, "This 15 year one I have earned." Revising update today I'm 60 proud owner of 25 years sobriety. I never seen the media in court nor at my house it will be in my life story for sure. I titled this: "At 50 going to jail for truancy." I've had five or more cases open and close successfully with HRS.
I'm sure there will be more. I want to explain my side of what each investigation was about. I kept paperwork over years of open and closed cases and allegations. My story goes on and on with each tragedy drama tribulations and heart aches. I don't know what will come of all this bullshit with courts Cins & Fins etc...
I've been writing my life story about events, heartaches and hurts which have been depressing, brutal, violent. Pages of my life is always one more chapter of never ending aggravation. I want to turn life in for abusing me. Most HRS workers I've encountered came at me like they wanted to destroy me. 
Once they put me in cuffs, but I admitted to smoking pot with my bosses not in or around my home or Micky. Micky gets with neighbors telling them bullshit abuse stories they all together constantly call HRS for issues such as Internet porn with Micky drugs alcohol or abuse. Bogus fucking calls. 
Official accusations were; Child pornography with my daughter, Drugs, marijuana, crack cocaine and meth. My version truth be known I was a loner went to school babysitter work school babysitter work same ole scenario. A friend showed me how to turn on a computer now I build rebuild and program old drives and motherboards. 
Old and new versions of Dos, build hundreds of sites with html linking them together, even old flat boxes with simms, dimms or SDRam, Windows 95, 98, XP, Vista, ME on up etc...I repair computers for people in Christmas, Bithlo area they can't afford a tech. I'm self taught tired of paying a fortune for parts repairs and expensive techs. 
My friend also introduced me to eBay I surfed around the only area I saw to make money in was selling lingerie. At first I thought my customers were women they were all men. I started selling French Maid School Girl Cheerleader and Nurse's uniforms. 
A couple neighbors hang out together thrived on calling HRS court house law humane society code enforcement any authority on people. Nosey asses saw my back ground wallpaper on my computer desktop of me in a school girl uniform. I have more than 3000 pics of me in uniforms little girl dresses my size or bigger for the larger men. 
Micky was my size and has bright blonde hair just as I do. They called and reported I was doing pornography with my daughter. I showed all my pictures I had in my drive to the HRS/DCF investigators. Case was closed no findings to move any further. The next case opened they told the HRS/DCF there was so much smoke and alcohol in my house she couldn't breathe. 
My reply was Micky has been sneaking three or four boys/men and girls/women ranging from ages 13-30 having parties while I was working. I started coming home early catching them all having sex drinking and partying on all the food and drinks I was buying for Micky. I started running them out taking inventory of missing stuff they were stealing around the house. 
She has boys, men, girls and women climbing in and out of her bedroom window a useless hopeless battle. She waits till I was gone working or sleeping sneak them in. She was bullying me into letting her boyfriends stay rip me off all the time. She locks her room won't let anyone in unless they want join to her party. 
Many years I was buying groceries for her to have a party. Everything was opened thrown around all over the house. They were destroying everything I was building for her. I couldn't eat there was usually never anything left for me. They play with a lot of it then throw it to the side. Cigarette butts cover the floors, dressers and counters along with dirty dishes. 
Nasty dirty clothing from her sex drug and alcohol parties. Accusations on this call I was giving pot to Micky to bribe her to do house work and go to school. Truth is Micky runs around bragging running her mouth making shit up not realizing the consequences behind her actions the damage gossip can have stories are escalated through gossip people running their mouths.
This case was successfully closed also. For the life of me I don't understand how they could miss what was really going on. This case accusations I was abandoning Micky. Leaving her without supervision food nor drinks and was abusing her. The truth on this one Micky is rarely home. 
Micky has sex with a lot of boys and men some married some married with children some with girlfriends some with girlfriends who have children. Evidently she don't care who gets hurts. Me or the other women and their children. She stays gone for days at a time most times all the time. 
She checks in maybe once or twice during the week rarely home anymore since I told her no one is allowed to come here ever again after years of putting up with it! She can't call she racked up $900.00 worth of phone sex. She doesn't ask before she goes never leaves a note most of her friends I don't approve of.
Most whore around with two or three sex partners at a time get drunk, smoke pot and do drugs. She has been partying having sex truant for over three years she is 14 at the time I'm writing this. She started going to friends of her's many years ago leaving me alone for all the Holidays. 
I go to work get groceries for her leave her money pay three neighbors to look out for Micky keep an eye on her the house and our two dogs. If she needed anything they were always handy. I didn't know these very people I was paying to watch the house were doing things against me too. 
She's 14 now legally old enough to stay alone she's been having sex drinking and partying has been going on since she was 11. Next case was also closed successfully sixth accusation opened stating I was doing everything I've already been accused of in the past. The only thing added to this investigation was I was supplying her alcohol and pot smoking and drinking with her.
Each investigation they threatened to take Micky take me to jail be tested for drugs. A couple of times they handcuffed me till I admitted to smoking pot on the job with my bosses once again two or three times a month no where near my daughter or home. 
Yet she is allowed to continue having sex parties in my home I can't say anything I'm being accused of what she is actually been doing on her own since she was 11. Seventh accusation I was sick of them being called coming here to invade me accuse me for what she is doing on her own. I called them myself for a change to report myself as an abused mother. 
When she came out she was ready to hang me till she talked with me for awhile and after talking with Micky her findings were Micky is ungovernable. The said; "They will all get together try to sort it all out." She called Pedro, Micky's Sins and Fins worker basically still her probation officer and counselor. She told him if they take Micky he no longer had a case. 
They didn't want to do things like that they wanted to keep taking me to court keep harassing me. In essence what I'm trying to convey a lot of calls made to HRS/DCF are bogus don't be quick at turning in someone unless you know all the facts involved. During any of mother nature's furies natural disasters when the area was evacuated I hide never leave.
This may get repeated on down the line in my story. It has been Micky all along calling the HRS on me. She had me take a picture of her in a school girl uniform in from of our huge gates the same as the picture of me. She put it on my computer as a background then called the HRS I was pimping her out on the Internet. I didn't like the picture so I took it down put mine back up. 
She didn't know I did that. The HRS worker saw me an adult woman in a school girl uniform. I didn't catch onto all she was doing to me till many years later. She kept pulling stunts like this so one day I called them myself I was going to report all this bull crap as a mother getting abused. 
When they showed up Micky thought it was from one of her calls she came running up to the ladies van at the same time I did. Looking through the HRS van windows at Micky on the other side of the van. I kept quiet stared her down to see what she was going to tell this woman. The woman asked who called. I smiled at Micky. Think she knows I'm catching on? 
The years I was confined I could barely hear the rain enough to know it was raining. I couldn't smell it feel it see it nor enjoy it's sound. That drove me insane I love rain and big storms. When it rains or storms I enjoy every aspect of mother nature, God's way of reminding me I could be confined a personal blessing to me. 
When it rains it feels, sounds and smells like freedom to me. When I hear about evacuations I had no intentions of leaving. Neighbors were very close to Micky. She has been hanging out with them and their family for quite a few years. They were going to evacuate and go up North. I gave them money to take Micky to safety with them. 
I was thinking this will be awesome, romantic like camping out to spend this time during the hurricanes alone with Franky. He was thinking the same thing, but had different plans arranged I didn't know about. It was like a ghost town in Orlando. Officers were riding around broadcasting curfews except people who could prove they were coming and going to work at Denny's. 
We had to keep going back and forth to Denny's helping as much as we could cooking on the line and with my Ole' Blue truck. Denny's won't close down! If it got bad they planned on shifting food from one Denny's to another Denny's according to whoever still had power on. 
While I'm on the subject I'll tell you what happened to all the food at most all restaurants during hurricanes majority of restaurants all around Orlando. Things the public did not know realize nor consider before venturing out in before during or after hurricanes eating in restaurants. 
Denny's and other restaurants electric went out they employed everyone they could get to help transport the food to whatever restaurant was still up and running which meant hours on end it sits in the walk ins and freezers thawing nothing up to temp THEN during the long drives transporting the food would exposed the air either thawed out or partially thaw out. 
When the restaurants opened back up the same food was transported back to the restaurant once again thawing or partially thawing. Some restaurants kept their food stored right where it was at. During the long hurricane power outages restaurants who did not have a back up generator the food was stored during the hurricanes. 
It was sold to the public without saying a word to the public warning them they are eating at their own risk. Franky and I were part of the crews helping to transport the food all around Orlando and Titusville. Most restaurants kept enough food stored to stay open until forced to close. It was scary driving back and forth from Bithlo. I drove everywhere looking at damage. 
Trees were falling, electric lines and traffic lights were flying through the air. It was dark everywhere nothing was visible, roads signs nor stores and no traffic anywhere. I love hurricanes and driving in them. During the hurricanes between and after they got through pounding on us, water and ice started getting hard to find then it got scarce then there was none. 
Not even in stores. They started sitting up post every where announcing on the radios where everyone could go to get water and ice. A few people stayed here and there during Charlie, but after Charlie they said; "No way they would endure the next ones." I stuck by Denny's helping in whatever areas I could help in. 
I started going to Good-Wills and Salvation Army stores begging them for their candles because Bithlo would always be the last ones besides a couple of other hick counties to get our electric or phones back. They argued with me at first didn't want to help. I explained the situation in our town. Some stores had trees down in front of them, power out, windows and signs broke.
I can understand why they were skeptical of helping people. They were in bad shape too, but I was paying for them they kept arguing they were closed. I said; "No your not your standing here talking to me with your door open you are called Good-Will and or Salvation Army your supposed to help people." They finally sold me all the candles they could find. 
I told them they would be the first ones to get their electric back on why not help us. It will be weeks before we get electric back maybe longer if these other hurricanes are as bad as Charlie. I supplied everyone I could in Bithlo with at least three or four candles per family. People appreciate candles when your in total darkness. 
Most Denny's were forced to close down Franky and I could finally go home. He didn't plan on going home he wanted to go to Merritt Island to Muna's house to party and get showers. Franky was high maintenance truthfully I don't know any man that doesn't try their damndest to keep you broke. I could not afford to party and he was broke all the time. 
I set up candles all over the house in the storage shed thinking it would be romantic seem like camping out roughing it. Sit back smoke a few doobies and for him drink take major drugs till you become an ass hole. He told me what he wanted to do, I told him what I wanted to do. It ended in a big fight he won. 
I had to drive to Merritt Island which was in direct path of most hurricanes. Muna lives in one of Mr. Aloma's houses it could with stand full force hurricanes. I forgot all about the fact that I had a big dog now D.T. Terry gave him to me. Terry was supposedly one of my best friends/co-worker. 
I have been giving him a ride back and forth to work every day for many years and feeding his family and buying them cigarettes. I've been giving him pot yet he never offered me any money on the gas for taking him to work all these years. He also later a few years down the road he ripped me off. 
He helped Michael Nash and Mark Nash empty my house out and rob me after paying him a quarter bag to watch my house because the female pit bull, Afton was giving birth. I had to go to court with Micky so he helped them rob me. Terry had a huge pure white pit/Kerr with only one black patch on one eye like the famous dogs. 
When Billy died I told everyone she was going to have a litter. She did I got one of most awesome dog out of her. I called him D.T. I was joking and told everyone Petey was pregnant with my puppy, D.T before anyone knew she was pregnant. So we had to drag my huge dog with me. This night became a nightmare for everyone because Franky is suck a jerk. 
I made him leave so I could take my damn dog home. When we got home Franky was furious I made it back as Denny's was opening back up and they needed Franky right away. He was more pissed off he did not get to have romantic time with me that he had planned during this hurricane nor did he get sex. I took my pot with me for a change I had the upper hand. 
I dropped his bitching ass off at Denny's laughing my ass off at him. It was horrifying riding all over Orlando checking out the damage. Many businesses were leveled ones that wasn't were in pretty bad shape. It pretty much disabled all of Orlando. Trees were uprooted everywhere. I don't think many trees in Orlando survived this. 
There were light poles all along the highways and Curry Ford either on the ground or almost on the ground no traffic lights anywhere. They were demolished along with signs. Roofs and signs destroyed. Many businesses were closed not only due to power outages or damages they were closed because of the huge uprooted trees blocking their stores.
I made it back to our side of town safely drove around for awhile out in our area to check out the damage out our way. I watched trees fall on all of our neighbor's houses yet the wind barely touched my house. My fence was torn down my porch roof blew off. The next trailer is still damaged from it I still have no roof on my porch.
Community center was giving out free hurricane cleaning supplies I went there to get some strong concentrated stuff. I poured some all over my tiled floors so I could mop them up. D.T. came in rolled all in the stuff licking it off of himself. I didn't know what this stuff would do to animals thought nothing of it. He was running around the house hyper crazy.
I left to go pick Franky up from Denny's. He said; "He was sorry for everything we should try again to be together through the next hurricane I agreed." We opened the door D.T. bolted out he acted like he was going insane. I looked at the door and door facing he destroyed it all. 
Not knowing what was wrong with my dog I started spanking him yelling at him for tearing everything up. I looked at him closer something horrible was wrong with him. His entire body was burned all his fur the top layer of his skin were burned off. His throat was burned so was his tongue. He was going to die if I couldn't figure out how to properly care for this. 
I did ok with keeping his weight up force feeding everything this burn seemed to be getting worse. I paid the vet half my life's savings to get antibiotics shots advise and something to soak his body in. It took D.T. a year to fully recuperate he looks good now couldn't tell he almost died. It was chemical burns from hurricane cleaner all over D.T.'s body. 
Micky was still up North with the neighbors they were going to stay up North till all the hurricanes have passed. We still had electric till the ending of Charlie. Everyone was lucky surviving everything was getting scarce gas lines started forming. 
I had to go a long way and burn out a half tank of gas to find somewhere to wait in line most of the day to get whatever the minimum was that station was allowing. Shelves in all the stores were skimpy. We were all hauling water from whatever ponds, creeks and local stores we could find to flush everyone's toilets. 
I got smart started using a hose attached behind the corner store. Bithlo is well and sulfur/egg water it's bad on good days contaminated during hurricanes. We lived like this till electric came back on which was a long time we were the last as usual to get everything back on. Except for Jim and Betty, the managers of the park. 
They had a generator and said; "No one else was allowed to have one in the park." Some people had one anyway most people don't pay any attention to that ole bitchy woman. Franky bitched the entire time he hated my house, hated not having any conveniences and I was beginning to hate him. I hated having no sex no affection yet there was a man present bullshit on that! 
He was taking all the pot to work to give to all the other women to sell leaving me nothing everyday. Soon as everyone got electric caught our breath here comes the second hurricane. Many Floridian's had not returned home yet. By the time the last hurricane past even I was getting a little worn and edgy with this. 
All the shelves in stores were bare no gas to be gotten anywhere we did without any conveniences during most all of them. I was tired of constantly trying to survive yet I liked roughing it. My head aches came from Franky constantly bitching all the time. He kept playing all kinds of stupid games getting caught. 
I wasn't concerned most times with what he was doing anymore it was circumstances catching him. I agreed to watch Margaret's boys take them fishing. Things were almost back to normal weather wise. The next day I was supposed to be watching her kids the brake lines and muffler went out on my Ole' Blue. 
Franky kept telling me he would ride with me we could ride in a cab back together. Margaret was a manager Franky was fucking I never caught till a year or so after the relationship ended. I was almost raped by a friend of my dad's who was a preacher when I was growing up I won't go on any buses or get into cabs alone. 
He was passed out drunk. I took Ole' Blue half way across town left him for them to get started on him started walking home. It took half a day to get home to find him still passed out. By the time I got back did everything I had to do several days later Franky is still passed out. I had to walk all the way back across town to get Ole' Blue. 
When I got back I grabbed up the boys and Micky heading out the door when he finally woke up started yelling at me where are you going? Where are the kids going? He started yelling I thought we were all going to spend the day together? I said; "You missed out on that days ago." I lit into him and drove off. 
When I got back he paid Tasha to come get him told everyone he was watching Margaret's boys I ran off with them. He went to move in with a dealer where Tasha is hanging out at. He was supposed to go get his daughter Jordan all the kids were supposed to go fishing and swimming together. Franky thought he could get some kind of normal visitation going with Jordan. 
We could not go get her or do anything anyway Ole' Blue was in the shop having a lot of work done Franky was passed out. The brake lines were eat out from Northern salt so was the muffler most everything under Ole' Blue was welded by Northern salt. 
Franky was pissed about Ole' Blue being in the shop and Margaret's kids my daughter and his daughter didn't get to do anything and was taking it all out on me as if I didn't have enough stuff on me going on. Micky was watching them the entire time I was going back and forth trying to get Ole' Blue fixed.
He got drunk fucked up on his medications just gave up disgusted with the entire situation he stayed passed out for days. I was in and out entertaining and feeding all the kids checking on Ole' Blue and getting them all some drinks and food. I didn't have time nor patience nor energy for his petty bullshit. Once again we didn't get to spend any sex time nor any affection.
Franky was fucking Tasha and Margaret he begged me to believe he was not having sex with them. I had already given up on this no where relationship figuring he would never stop the player shit nor would he ever be able to tell the truth nor would he ever love only one woman or anyone besides himself. We tried again to spend time during the next hurricane.
It was like during times of the depression everything was scarce water food gas electric and ice. I was broke by the end of the second hurricane trying to survive. During all the hurricanes commotion and things going on D.T. was hanging out in the storage shed fighting for his life. He looked like a dog with mange you could tell something bad happened to him. 
I spent a lot of time with D.T. during all of the hurricanes even took him to Franky's with me. He was taking antibiotics three times a day something anti inflammatory plus he had to be soaked in Epson salt three times a day. Between Micky, D.T., Ole' Blue, Franky, Margaret's kids, courts, school, depression, the shortage of everything and the hurricanes. 
I was ready to tolerate the heavy duty winters and tornadoes in Kentucky. I think all of Florida felt this way. We were going to try again to brave a romantic time during the next hurricane taking advantage of Micky being gone and D.T. was getting better. I was able to keep him from losing any of his weight still healthy. 
He grew new skin all new fur is a huge healthy pain my ass smart ass dog he's my baby. Sometimes I think the things he does is Billy's spirit in there. Terry's brother, Tommy has aides. The day before the next hurricane was supposed to hit Tommy stepped on a nail wanted me to take him to the hospital. 
I was supposed to pick up Franky from work later anyway so I agreed to take him. I took Terry to work Franky was supposed to already be there working. They all work at Mr. Aloma's Denny's on Semeron Blvd. Orlando, Florida. Mr. Aloma's cousin Mr. Allmouth was managing and was a friend of Franky's who lied for him all the time. 
When I dropped Terry off at Denny's I was not even asking about Franky. Mr. Allmouth said; Franky had a chemotherapy treatment appointment at the Lake Underhill hospital Muna took him. That's exactly where I was taking Tommy. After Tommy got checked in I walked over the chemotherapy place to find Franky. They said; "He never showed up for his appointment." 
I went back to where I left Tommy they could not find him. Mr. Allmouth called Franky and Margaret he told them I was in the area had just left Denny's was going to the hospital. Franky thought I was coming to pick him up and was checking up on him which I was once Mr. Allmouth told me what excuse he used to leave and who he left with. 
By the time I got back to Denny's to tell Terry I could not find Tommy I was worried. Margaret hauled ass from Franky's house was helping to cook on the line. I went to Franky's house to get him to go help me find Tommy and to take him back to my house so we could be together during the next hurricane. There was a strange pair of panties lying on Franky's bed. 
I picked them up he played it off saying, "Oh wow that must mean she wants to fuck me yeah baby puss that is what that means when a woman leaves her panties on your bed it means they want to fuck you." I was thinking to myself bullshit. That's what it means when you just fucked a woman. I didn't say anything, but I did bait the situation. 
I said; "We were just at the hospital." They said; "You didn't show up for your treatment." He said some off the wall crap like he used another name or something stupid the reason we did not see him was at exactly 3:00 clock he was standing across the street at the bus station. 
I knew that was a lie too at exactly 3:00 clock I pulled back up to the hospital to look for Tommy the entrance is exactly across the street from the bus stop I remember looking over there didn't see him anywhere around. I told him I was going back to the hospital to find Tommy then would be back to get him I never went back. 
I did find Tommy made it back home before the next hurricane hit. I spent the entire hurricane walking around watching trees fall on houses even the next door neighbor's houses. I watched all the damage happening to all the local stores and businesses. No one not even the law knew I was out and about during all of the hurricanes past and present which are past now. 
It was scary dangerous eerie I loved it. I sit in Ole' Blue alone listen to music smoke a few doobies or sit on the corner lot on back roads watch the hurricanes smoke a few doobies. Franky kept calling a lot trying to get me to spend the hurricanes with him I knew where that would lead did not want to go there anymore. 
Franky kept calling I finally agreed to spend the next hurricane with him. I had no intentions of wasting anymore time effort money emotions or pot on him anymore. I wasn't getting sex nor affection nothing. Especially after Margaret good grief Charlie Brown! I wanted to mess with his head bad this time. 
I knew I wasn't going to have sex with him after fucking Margaret had been there no fucking way! He wanted to go to a party had a date to have sex with one of the waitresses he had the hots for so long. Terry overheard them talking making the date. Mr. Allmouth and Franky told me Franky would be working all night he was pulling a double. 
I went all the way across town purchased an ounce of some green sticky smelly nuggets really good pot a quarter ounce of crypt knot weed. I went to Denny's about the time Franky was normally going to get off work before he hauls ass with the waitress. I was supposed to pick him up at Denny's the next morning. He came out to the parking lot to talk with me. 
I showed him what I had I knew that would get his ass to wanting to go with me more than with what's her name. One thing I can count on greed and people jonesing for something good. Immediately he started weighing out his options. 
I knew if I came up with something better for Franky out did the waitress proving pussy was just pussy to Franky he would go with the better deal. He said; "Wait right here I'm going to go get my bag tell them I'm not staying." I waited till he got his bag on his shoulders half way to Ole' Blue I hauled ass left him standing. 
He wasn't talking with Mr. Allmouth he was making his excuses to the waitress to get out of his date with her. I did get the satisfaction of seeing his face the fit he threw when I drove off. He was yelling damn she did it to me again. D.T. and I spent the next hurricane alone again. It was rough D.T. and I survived all the hurricanes. 
All of the stores in Orlando was out of food shelves in all the stores were bare. Most meats if you did find any anywhere was unsafe. By this time most all restaurant's food was unsafe also to eat. The public did buy what they could from restaurants most all restaurants either still didn't have power or was out of food. 
I can go for weeks possibly a month or so without eating I wasn't concerned too much in that aspect people with children had a hard time. They were rationing out gas if you could find any at all. They were announcing on the radios where you could go to get gas water food shelter ice candles etc...I was stocked up with canned goods boxed products non perishables. 
I drank coffee and water mostly getting hot water was not a problem to make coffee. I don't care if it comes down to it drink it black or cold. Darla one of my best friends didn't turn out to be a friend. She sweet talked me out of hundreds of dollars worth of dolls, clothes, my digital camera, tons of computers I fixed. 
She says, "She has never drank anything in her life except water." Weird huh? No one could cook, shower, do laundry and no one had any modern conveniences or otherwise ways of doing anything. I did quite well considering I'm a mountain woman great survivor I loved it all. 
I love rain, thunder, hurricanes, storms, camping, fishing, hunting, roughing it living off the land if there are any resources in that state. Remember at the beginning of my story? Remember where I am from? When I was growing up in the mountains or almost anywhere in Kentucky or parts of Indiana we lived off animals we hunted killed ourselves. 
I'm not sure about my brothers and sisters or anyone else I knew how to kill clean and cook almost any animal or weed. Squirrels rabbits frog legs catfish groundhogs ducks quail chickens hogs goat deer let's see are there any animals I didn't mention? 
There are many other foods mother nature provides too such as all the different huge berries up North, mint plants, shawnee, poke, walnuts, hickory nuts and you can make syrup, tea, jams and jellies, cakes and pies because fruit trees were plentiful. Sassafras trees for Sassafras tea was plentiful also. 
There are also potatoes at the ends of the stalks in some ponds and lakes. I started life out without any modern conveniences no floors proper heat insulation screens or windows and no doors. Not even out houses. I did fine then have had to go back to living that way to survive from time to time over the years. 
I don't know what Franky and everyone else was moaning groaning complaining bitching about through the all three or was it four hurricanes? Most everyone that did stay in Florida had enough with the first hurricane Charlie. I was having a great time roughing it was the way most of my life has been. I loved going to all candles and Coleman lanterns. 
Granted even I will admit under the circumstances all over Florida after a long period of time it was getting to me too thinking we could have it worse we could be living this way forever. I had just bought groceries right before Charlie I had to throw them all out. 
I had to pay for D.T. to survive and pay all the regular ongoing bills such as electric, phone, rent, Internet, Ole' Blue's insurance and pay out a lot of money to get Ole' Blue fixed and repaired now all these hurricanes. Franky had taken me to the cleaners. Now he wants me to buy him some clothing he needs clothes I bought his alcohol cigarettes pot food etc... 
Anyone out there got any spare camels to hold more straws? Buy stock in straw huh? I took my time went shopping for him picking out all shirts pants underwear etc...I thought was in his taste. He bitched about all of them told me to return them. I returned them got my money back didn't buy him anything else. He then said; "Oh well maybe a few things I might have liked."
Well fuck me running! Kiss My Ass! He knew all the circumstances had broke me he bought some food for Micky and himself. He would not buy for her he hated her I had to keep sneaking giving her my food. I paid him everything back when I got my money gave him an ounce of pot. 
Next time I got some pot he thought he was going to keep getting it all I had to tell him no more. Franky was still trying to hang onto whatever he thought he could rescue of a relationship he thought we had. It was sad dead! He had a very nice computer he always bragged how no one could get into his hard drive. 
All this time he was playing bullshit games with me and any woman he could. We were talking all night one night. He didn't know I was talking to him from my storage shed which is like a small nice house with it's own breaker box TV, computers, AC, electric etc...In his drive he had sex movies of all the women he had ever fucked over the many years. 
I use this solitaire space to build and work on poor people's computers. All night till the sun came up we talked while I was watching getting the shock of my life with each picture flashing in front of me. I was not only hurt and confused I was disgusted I wanted to throw up. What I was looking at was the most disgusting things I've ever seen.
He had no idea what I was looking at all night while I was talking with him while he was talking about his love for me how I had gone way above Tasha in his heart yeah yeah right! It was pitiful on both our parts. I was looking at all this perverted shit on his computer and disk talking with him and crying. Each disk I put in I ran every thing on automatic slide show.
I couldn't make it all come together at first. I was watching Franky having sex with every woman he had ever been with except me because it only happened that one and only very special night I thought still believe it was special to both him and I. He had taken pictures and videos of every woman he ever had sex with. 
Many of these women I knew how many did or did not give their consent? I'm not too upset about movies of him fucking women I knew about all of them that's not all I was looking at that was only the mild stuff. I saw thousands of chicks with dicks. That is real chicks or females with breast, but have a penis. 
A lot of people educated me as to exactly what chicks with dicks are. When I learned this I was sickened by this man. Plug up and protect your ass holes literally that's not all I saw. I saw thousands of asses you know ass holes, pics of men's ass holes. Some of them had large objects pushed inside their ass holes. One of the ass holes I recognized. 
I knew it was Franky's ass hole. He had a can of butane stuck inside of his ass hole. No wander he was always begging me to let him have anal sex and begged for oral sex I refused to do either. Franky came out with Tasha to get some of his things. He got home put his computer together to find SURPRISE it had been formatted with a brand new version of XP. 
ALL his perverted files, notes, love letters, pictures, perverted movies, porn and freaky shit were gone. He put in his disk he found they were all blank, clean, clear of any perversion. OOH was he pissed off. I wander who could have known how to do that since Franky swore no one could get into his computer or drive? 
Franky had a huge Styrofoam mattress he loved to sleep on the cancer in his back was painful this huge foam helped he took it everywhere. I was not only hurt because of what I had seen how many women he fucked I know how much money pot gas alcohol cigarettes beer and food he took from me, but how many women didn't know. 
How many in the future won't know that he is video camming them while they are fucking? I wanted to let all of management, his girlfriends, servers he video cammed to know what a perverted low life dog he is. I wanted all the waitresses he had sex with to know about all the other waitresses he had sex with. 
I wanted to deface him, put him on the spot, make a huge fool of him and hopefully prevent some other fool from having sex with him. For my final ultimate statement, to have the last closing words, have the last laugh, to make it public and known what he is so no one else goes down that road with him, for a closure that will be in everyone's minds and memories. 
And everyone will talk about forever. I got several bright colored sharpie magic markers and started working on Franky's resume as a wannabe Denny's player. His huge foam mattress the very mattress he has sex on with all those women was going to become his resume. The ending joke of all jokes. At the very top I put in huge red letters "FRANKY'S RESUME!" 
Under this in smaller letters in black it said; "Denny's server/wannabe player." I listed in columns the full names of all the women he had sex with. Under each of their names I wrote descriptions of how he described their relationships, bodies, how sex was with them in his words no matter how skank or cruel. I wrote the insults and bad things he said about their pussies. 
Some of this was horrible his description of their sexual encounters with them. I put a heading in different color saying, "His future ambitions and goals were to have sex with women he had not fucked yet." To add a real interesting twist of the ole' knife I listed all the names of everyone he wants  to fuck and has not fucked yet. 
I hid around the corner in the pilings in the church next door watched fireworks the entire thing go down and unfold. I put it right in the doorway where everyone that comes in and out, where everyone comes to smoke. Then I cut it and let it roll out. The hide watch and laugh my ass off. I deserved a laugh. Every customer and employee read it when they went by it. 
They stopped ogled laughed. Terry even read it. Tommy his brother in law helped me do it he had a few ideas he threw in there. They called the law all they did was laugh and make jokes. As all women love it to be I had the last laughs the last words. I considered this relationship or whatever it had been come to an abrupt halt. His games in life are disgusting. 
Micky returned and was glad to see no Franky hanging around she hated him. He never went around her he avoided her. He could not handle her bluntness. She has a sorry outlook on life. She thinks I'm still supposed to drive her to her friend's houses to party supply their food drinks smokes make up then come back whenever she's ready to come home. 
I am to take her anywhere she wants to eat buy her anything she wants. I am supposed to clean up her room for her nasty ass in the same breath it's let me trash it for a few weeks first in the meantime don't come in without knocking. She vandalizes destroys every room in the house every piece of furniture time and again. 
She throws nasty panties even ones bloody from her period all over the house her room my room middle room kitchen bathrooms along with the dirty pads and tampons. I spend around $150.00 on groceries just for her and her parties every week. By the time this story is published that amount won't be shit. She destroys every room everyday.
Micky still has not made any attempt at school. I was having a meeting with the school principle vice principle school board head counselor her counselor and teachers etc...to talk about what we can do to get Micky interested in some kind of schooling. I remodeled her room over and over each time she destroyed it. 
Each time it would cost a lot to fix repair and replace everything. I build computers and program them so of course she has a computer TV VCR DVD player one in her computer also. She has a huge expensive radio/cassette/cd player anything she wants she gets one way or another. And yes I have tried taking everything away from her that won't work. 
She hangs out wherever there is another computer and TV etc...set up trashes that room. Her life consist of watching TV DVDs or the VCR being on the Internet eating reading writing nonsense vandalizing smoking bossing me around and party with her friends on me. She's rarely here to do anything. 
For two years a counselor came to my house once a week from Lakeside Alternative's which had an office at the Corner Lake Middle School. They quit coming every time medicaid dropped us. The school said; "If I didn't do something soon I would go to jail." Fourth time the schools threatened me with this. If I go to jail I assume HRS/DCF takes Micky. 
They told me I have to get her started in the Sins & Fins program to get help with her through a judge and court to be able to deem whether it is me at fault and have serious problems or if it's her. There was a psychiatrist came to my house once a week for two years after Mr. Ratter quit coming. Doctor Gecobee was an awesome lady. You couldn't help, but fall in love her. 
She's a wonderful lady very powerful in her nice little old lady way she hangs your ass. Now she works as a counselor in the Shelter where Micky keeps going. The Sins & Fins program was supposed to be to help me find Micky a long term program get it court approved they also told me another one of their services was they investigate medicaid find out if we qualify.
They were supposed to help me get emergency surgery on my hemorrhoids which at the time was about to explode. They did not do any of these services. All they did was went after me sentencing me to parenting classes, counseling and jail threats. They kept Micky locked in the shelter all the time. All that did was cause me to make three trips a week downtown.
I don't think there is a counseling, AA meeting, ANA meeting, NA meeting, parenting class, money management, anger management, community service or driver's safety courses I have not completed many times over. Some of them two or three times. 
I thought this was all wrong unfair for the courts school board counselors and judges to point their fingers accuse me of wrong doings without knowing me. I have to pay for the gas wear and tear on Ole' Blue once a week to go to more counseling and courts. The school says, "I have to enroll and qualify to get her into the PACE school or program." 
Which from my understanding is an all girl school for troubled teens I will have to drive her there and pick her up. If I don't follow their rules I won't get to let a judge decide or rule on this case. After a couple times riding to the counseling meetings I was disgusted her laziness is dragging me back into the systems.
The school said; "Every day she misses I have to get an officer to come get her for truancy have them take her the county juvenile shelter. I have to bring her clothes sign papers and talk to counselors some more. If I didn't again they would arrest me for neglect." She's been there twice and it didn't faze her. 
She likes it there except she can't get cigarettes nor party nor be with her friends. They have computers games TVs pool tables tons of stubborn kids. If I had not brought it to their attention at the very beginning it would have taken them way longer to do what they are doing now which is hanging costing me. 
She was going out at night or leaving during the day never telling me with who, where or low long. If I pressed the issue it became a huge fight. I thought I had set a very good example in life for her. Instead taking the stories of my past using them to learn not to go down the roads I went down.
I never let her see me hold any man's hand which there were only four men I held hands with in life. Jeff, Billy, Franky and Steve. I never let her see me hug a man which there have only been three men that hugged me Franky, Steve, Jeff and Coleman. 
I always tried to portray the image to her it's not good to be with any man till your way older and never show sexual affection in front of kids. I've also taught her first hand experience on drugs. I thought Micky would be the strong amongst all her friends school and peers stay on the right paths that go down the right roads. This is not what is happening it gets worse!
I've had the HRS/DCF up my ass so many times for porn with a child contributing abuse neglect abandoning her giving and smoking pot with her even handcuffed me twice almost took me to jail. These are just a few more things I've been going through. Micky figured out how to purchase things with my card and bank number. 
She has bought me credit cards books magazines clothes CDs bless her heart all for her. She fell in love with a boy having phone sex from a chat room on the Internet charged a $300.00 phone bill another one for $500.00 to Louisiana. I tried paying on it for awhile gave up through dealing with Bell South. I had been with them for very long time.
That sucked as bad as men ruining my credit and bank cards. Do I ever sleep NO! When will I get to go fishing? Don't look like anytime too soon. I lost my services phone and Internet with Bell-South after being with them for many years. It took over two months to get another service turned on. Enough about this wicked kid.
Now I'm not seeing/fucking anyone. I was determined to not give up on the thought there has to be one perfect man out there or at least one that knows how to hold a woman treat a woman good. I know you haven't found one of them either. I'll let you know if before I die I find one out there. I stayed alone once again for a long time. 
I wanted to be with a man so bad, but I was so picky. I couldn't be with just anyone they do say, "As you get older the chances of men looking your way get pretty slim." I don't want to tolerate any bullshit. I thought if I go to a few bars and hang out maybe I would meet someone to be with. I know a bar would be the last place on earth to look for a good man. 
A man who hangs out in a bar would be the last kind of man I need to be with. An alcoholic is the last person I need in my life there could not possibly be any good people or men in bars. Ok as far as the alcohol goes I think I can handle a few watered down margaritas at $4.00 to $5.00 bucks a pop I could only afford a night out once in a blue moon. 
I went to one bar the band was lousy horrible the atmosphere sucked the people were too many rude and unfriendly. I went down the road to another bar. I ordered a margarita the lady next to me started pouring her heart out to me with her life story troubles. All I saw in this bar was a couple of small groups of people who came together. 
She was telling me about her being a recovering alcoholic I really wanted to listen to her story her sitting in a bar sucking down beers right? AA meetings she has attended how she truly didn't want to be here doing what she's doing. I had a half a drink left she had a half a beer left. 
I said; "Here's how it's done take your hand off that bottle see I have half a drink left too. Follow me we'll leave out of this bar together for the first time leave half our drinks there." I said; "Are you ready?