lost in life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A truth based story about a teenage girl lost in thought until he walks by.

Submitted: June 03, 2017

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Submitted: June 03, 2017

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As an Air Cadet you are trained to be the best... But not me...

 

Hey, I'm Ashley. I'm in the Air Training Corps (ATC, Air Cadets) and honestly it has been the best four years of my life. I was trained to become the best and I still am being trained. As an Air Cadet you learn something new everyday. But there is also a lot of drama... A lot. Drama is everywhere you go, not just in the ATC. It's just that age group we're all in! Stubborn, hormonal teenagers.

 

I'm not going to bore you with every single detail! So this is my story so far...

 

“No! I refuse to join Air Cadets. Its stupid. I shouldn't be forced to do something I hate!”

“You’re doing it whether you like it or not Ashley. I’m your mother and you do as I say until you move out! How do you know you hate it you've never tried it! Or you can go to one of those boarding schools that are made for naughty kids!”

“Well mother, I know I hate it because I don’t want to do it!”

“Get in the car now! You’re going!”

So I finally get in the car. I’m not going to lie to you, mum is real scary when she’s angry. So there I was getting a ride to the ‘discipline organization’ as I called it. I was being forced to go as I got into a bad group at school… smoking, drinking, skipping class and ruining my whole future.

 

We finally arrived. Dragged up to the 2381 Ilminster Squadrons office like a misbehaved prisoner in front of an audience. After I was signed up I had to stay for the night. There was actually a lot of people from my school I knew that were enrolled there. Didn’t mean I was going to become an angel within five minutes. I was still the bored, tired, rebellious teenager I turned into. I was determined no one was going to change that.

 

A couple of weeks go by and I finally got the knack of everything. What can I say? I wasn't going to mess this up or boarding school here I come... Its like prison for kids there. I met loads of new people there too. I cant believe I actually get on with a bunch of goody goodies! Who’d of thought it…

 

I was still the same fuck up in school. Skipping class, smoking and all. Although I started to enjoy cadets… Yes I really just said that! Two completely different personalities stuck in one body, like a coca cola can filled with orange tango. At this stage I didn’t know who I was, what my aim was in life, who I was going to turn out to be. All a mystery and I’m Sherlock Holmes walking around in a circle as if I was blind. Who knows?

 

A couple of months finally passed and I was going on my first camp away, to St Mawgan for a week. I had a special someone by then to. Yes, okay he was my boyfriend! I had also made a best friend, George I could trust him with my life and still can now! It was also his first camp. Lets just say we were all pumped for this and couldn’t wait for it. Meeting new people, doing things that barely anyone has done before and we were all grateful for it.

 

Finally, the time had come to leave for camp. People saying their loves and byes to family. Except me. I didn’t know which one of the two personalities to be with my parents that day. I told them,

“I’ll keep you updated” and left…

 

Six hours later we arrived at camp and it was lunch time. After lunch we were put into groups and we got told to do some ice breaker exercises between our groups. Luckily I had my boyfriend and George in my group to. Later on that day we were all outside relaxing and enjoying the sun, then he walked past… that guy… that one guy. Damn he looked so fine! Perfect build and looks. Lush blonde hair. Deep blue eyes. Slim athletic body. With a great dress sense! He turned his head and melted my heart with his gorgeous smile. I gazed at him until I could no longer see him. That memory will never fade! When I got back to reality, I knew I’d never have chance because of so many reasons. It torn me like two professional tug of war teams pulling a rope. I didn’t know why it hurt me so much. I didn’t even know him personally. All this made me forget about the man in my life… my boyfriend… Luke. I know, bad ain't it. But I couldn’t help it. Remembering that smile of his, made me smile like never before.

 

The next day quickly came around. We had an amazing week planned and everyone was overly excited. We got to breakfast, sat in our groups and had a laugh. We all got along so well. Then that mystery guy walks past me and sits with our staff members. Wait. What. He’s a staff member too… one of our staff members? I was shocked. I was grateful. I was even more excited than before. I get to see him everyday for the whole week. I get a chance to get to know him! My life… I now know. I know what my aim is, I want to be successful, I want to live it to the fullest knowing I’d die while living. Not leaving everything until the last minute. Making the most of it and taking every chance I got. He was the answer to my questions. He made everything in my mind seem straight forward. So I had to at least try. Try to talk to him. Try to enjoy the week! Knowing the last day of camp, will be the last time I’ll ever get to see him.

 

As the day went on I built up the courage and started my first conversation with him. He was just like I imagined. Smart. Talented. Successful. A twenty-two year old police officer... but no way was that going to stop me. He told me he noticed me a lot. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world just standing there having a conversation with him. God help me if he liked me as I did him.

 

As the week carried on getting better so did I. So did we. Not only was I happy because I got to know him but I’m proud, of myself, for the first time in so many years. I felt fearless, loved and happy… I felt the happiness rush through me like a drug.

 

The greatest week of my life was coming to an end with an hour left. I didn’t want it to end but it had to. He left thirty minutes before my bus did… I want him back. Here. Next to me. I didn’t even get his name! Suddenly my mood changed, happiness disappeared, like I had never changed during that week. The bus journey home was a bore. I had nothing left to be happy about. I was the person I hated being.

 

We finally got home. My parents were so happy to see me. So I played it all off like I was fine. I wasn’t… I was crumbling down inside. It felt like he stole my heart and I knew I was never going to get it back.

 

Not a single day went by when I didn’t think of him…

 

Luke and I broke up when he finally figured out he couldn’t make me happy any more…

 

I got worse at the end of the school year as it was getting closer. From skipping class to skipping days...weeks. Getting excluded and that’s when my parents found out. I got in more fights and was going home with bruises, cuts, blood all over my uniform and broken phones. I felt so alone. I still had George, my family, my friends but they weren’t him… nothing like him.

 

A year goes past everyday the same, I started self-harming at the start of year 11, I already had suicide written in the back of my mind with a black maker pen. I was being bullied. I got to weak to stand up for myself. School only cared about my uniform and grades, not my health mentally nor physically. They threatened my parents with child-line when they finally notice I was being bandaged up. It was when I got changed for sports when they started to take it seriously. School made me stay home until I recovered. I didn’t go to cadets as I was too embarrassed.

 

Four months down the line I was healthy and lively again. Walking. Breathing. Running. Going back out into the real world was like being re-born, I had no idea, I was scared, upset and scarred for life. Parents were overprotective and didn’t want me to go back to school, but I had to, I need to prove to everyone it takes more than that and that I’m back stronger than ever.

 

It was my first day back to school. Everyone was staring at me like I died and suddenly came back to life. But that wasn’t going to get me down! Not today. Never again. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” and right now I made it my rule and I was living by it. I went down to my old group during lunch and they dropped to silent, they couldn’t believe how healthy I was. I sparked up my first cigarette in months and it felt so good. Later that day I was getting ready for my first night back to cadets and I felt the exact same as I did when I was on my way to school, yet it felt worse now.

 

I arrive at cadets and everyone is so glad to see me again. I felt better than I did before. I was getting hugs from everyone. Staff were happy to see me again then I seen George, I ran and we hugged so tightly even a crowbar couldn’t break us apart. Everyone walked out of the building to give us space to talk. All of a sudden I felt Georges head raise off my shoulder and we let go… I asked him what was wrong and he said “promise me this before I say it”

“I promise George”

“Okay I’m going to walk outside and you aren’t allowed to turn around until I’m out the door okay?”

“um okay George...”

“I’m at the door I’m going to count down to one and you can look”

“okay...”

George starts the count down, “three” I’m really nervous. “two” I don’t know if I want to turn around… “one”

I turn around and see the tall, handsome man who stole my heart a year ago…

he says “I heard everything that happened since camp… I’ve come here to stay and share your heart with you again...”

 

We’re still going strong another year down the line and I haven’t stopped smiling since that night.


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