SPACE

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a humourous interpretation of the history of space exploration, followed by a quick summary of current space exploration, and finished off with an action-packed story about an interesting voyage to Mars.

Submitted: June 05, 2017

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Submitted: June 05, 2017

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It all started when we started. The first human looked up into the sky, and said, “Pkjhgdafjhdsfa!” It was then forgotten in history. Humans kept on looking at the stars in the sky, until the crazy Grecians looked up into the sky, and said, “???? ??? ??????? ??????? ?? ??????, ?? '???? ?? ???????????? ??? ????? ???? ??? ????????? ??? ???????? ??????? ???? ??? ????!” Which indirectly translates to, “These sky-dots look like a thing! Maybe it’s some kind of crazy god or something!” Next thing you know, there’s a whole bunch of mythical beings and history based solely off of mysterious sky dots! That continued for a couple millennia, until some random scientist named Thomas Digges decided that they weren’t mysterious sky dots, but they were actually stars and junk that were bajillions of catrillions of kilometers away. This was in 1546. People liked that idea, and went with it. Suddenly, in 1610, the biggest space fanatic named Galileo Galilei perfected the telescope (just kidding. The telescope still has a long way to go) and looked at space, but closer. This was in 1610. He discovered things like Jupiter’s moons, lunar craters, and the phases of Venus. He also looked at the sun, which was pretty dumb. Nobody really liked him, so he kind of lived a sucky, blind life in house-arrest until he died alone. Let’s just say the church didn’t want him to wreck their fun. Later, people thought, “Dang, dat Galileo guy was a smart cookie,” and suddenly wanted to see what he was talking about -- But up close. Then Isaac Newton had an epiphany. He thought that every action had an equal and opposite reaction. William Moore wanted more from that, so he applied it to making rockets. Meanwhile, in the grand US of A, John William Draper was busy taking the first telescopic photograph of the moon. That was in 1840.  At least it was reality. In 1898, France was busy with their “research”. They released their “research”, in the form of a Science Fiction book called War of the Worlds. Because literature is so important, that was a milestone in space exploration technology. In fact, it inspired Robert H. Goddard, who eventually patented his design for multi staged and liquid-fueled rockets. This idea took off in 1926, when Robert was the first to ever successfully launch his liquid-fueled rocket in 1926. This served as a prototype for Germany’s V-2 rockets. Thanks, Robert. In 1942, Werner von Braun designed and launched the first V-2, which was the first rocket to leave the atmosphere. This discovery killed approximately 21 000 people. More importantly, humans were one step closer to space exploration! Suddenly, Russia and the great US of A were in a battle for who could be more spacy than each other. It was a “my daddy can beat up your daddy” kind of situation. In this case, it led to very important milestones, like America taking a picture of Earth, then sending fruit flies to space. They got totally one upped when Russia sent dogs. Finally, in 1957, Russia launched the first man-made satellite into space, named Sputnik, then Laika the the dog (who died), and finally, to spit in America’s face, sent Yuri Gagarin in Vostok 1 to be the first human ever to go to space. But America didn’t want to give up. They sent Alan Shephard into space later that year, who was the first American in space. America wasn’t quite done there. They launched the American Gemini program, which involved more advanced work like spacewalks, and docking during flight. That was just preparing for the big punch in the face to their Russian “friends”. On July 20th, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first human to step on the Moon. This took the world by storm. Russia dominated the space race at the beginning, but the USA totally obliterated them by the end. Eventually, Skylab was sent up by the Yankees, and three missions visited that space station in 1973 and 1974, until it crashed into the sea near Australia. The US was fined a grand total of $400, which has gone unpaid until this day, and will continue to go unpaid. Thanks, Obama. It took until 1981 for the USA to finally launch the first Space Shuttle with a reusable body. And finally, FINALLY, the US of A teamed up with Russia, and the rest of the world to create the International Space Station, where there are various experiments and that sort of stuff conducted ALL THE TIME. Hey, what do you know? That’s the whole history of space technology! Now all I need to do is finish the rest of the project!

 

In the present, space exploration technology is quite advanced, but will be drastically improved. We all know about the present of space technology, so I’m going to skip that part. Wait… Will that make me lose marks? I think it will. Well, I was very interested in the present of space exploration technology, so I researched it! Totally! Anyway, spacesuits are currently 14 layers, and are thick. They suck for trying to do things, but they also have built in heating and cooling. There is currently one suit for takeoff, and one for space. There is also the Hubble telescope, which can see very very very very very very very very far away. Spaceships use hydrogen and oxygen for fuel, which is not as good as it can be. We have tonnes and tonnes of satellites up above us, which provide us with everything. We’re trying to be more cheap and efficient with our space exploration, but it will take lots of time to be perfect.

 

 

The year was 2030. They were finally launching humans to Mars. They had been preparing for years, and absolutely nothing was going to go wrong. That was going to be the case, but half way on the way to Mars, the ship exploded and everyone died. There were some “minor technical difficulties”. Now that it was 2052, we were ready. I got on my spacesuit, that was designed to be lightweight, mobile, and g-force absorbent. I was glad that I could finally use the same spacesuit for takeoff and being out in space. My built in but removable backpack was a little bit heavy, but that was just because of the heating/cooling system, oxygen tank/converter, and water source. I had previously detached it, and was seated for takeoff. Ion-propulsion takeoff was a little bit more smooth than the previous fuel, which was convenient. In half an hour, we were on our way to Mars.

I looked out one of the windows at Earth, which was quickly getting farther and farther. I was getting motion sick, which often happened in microgravity. I took one single pill, and it was gone instantly. In a few hours, I was hungry. We had an entire feast, which was freeze-dried. We boiled some water, and made the food. Soon, all eight of us were eating a hearty meal. It had extra calcium inserted into it so that our bones wouldn’t dissolve from the lack of gravity. It also contained chemicals to stop our muscles from weakening. In the past, there used to be places to work out, but that just took too much space. All was going well. Suddenly, the entire ship shook.

“We’ve been hit!” John said. It was a small asteroid. Alarms were blaring, lights were flashing, and we were panicking. John was going to take control of the situation. “Jimmy, you go out and assess the damage. You, go check the computers, you go contact mission control, and the rest of you help where you’re needed!”

I took the initiative to prepare the escape shuttle if necessary. Inside, there was one window. We weren’t planning on using it, so it wasn’t near as high-tech as the rest of the ship. I looked out the window briefly. Jimmy was looking at something, when he was hit by a micro-asteroid. It shattered his visor, and Jimmy didn’t even have enough time to scream before he froze to death while his blood boiled, and then his head exploded. It was mind-blowing. John ran up to me and dove into the shuttle.

“Let’s ditch them!” he suggested. “They won’t make it, anyway!”

I was going to stop him, but he released us too fast. I looked out the window as we floated away calmly. One of the other members jumped hopelessly from the original body of the craft. This time, he actually did get to scream. He wasn’t heard, because no one can hear you scream in space. It was harsh. He was absolutely shattered. Then went the body. It exploded, for about two seconds before the oxygen died out. That, too went unheard. It launched us farther away from our friends.

A week had passed. We were living on primitive food from back in the 20’s. 2020’s, that is. Our bones were dissolving, our muscles were diminishing, and we were going crazy. I was getting harshly claustrophobic, and John was lonely, despite my presence. The inside of my spacesuit was a mess.  It was time for it all to end. I reached for the door-release hatch as John muttered some useless nothings of a madman. I looked out the scratched window to take in the view I would see in my entire life. And there it was. The Red Planet. Mars. We were pulled into their gravity, and in no time crashing through the atmosphere.

The landing was harsh, but the vessel was equipped with shock-absorbing seats. John didn’t have enough time to get in one. I pushed his limp, tangled body away from mine. He was like a heavy, human-shaped noodle. Every bone in his body was crushed due to the lack of calcium, Only my legs were broken, and I didn’t know how. I got out of the seat, got my helmet on, and opened the hatch.

It was amazing. Desolate, yet amazing. It was windier that I had expected, because I could hear the dust against my suit. The escape pod was still equipped with survival materials, which I was planning on using. I looked behind me. It looked like a wall. A giant wall of dust. It was approaching. And fast. The wind brought me off my feed before the sand hit me. I was launched off a small cliff, and my helmet was shattered. I clawed at the shards of glass in my face as my lungs were filled with the toxic gases of Mars. stopped by something. I didn’t know what. My mind was filled with relief. I was going to die, but at least I was the first human on space. Suddenly, something crushed my torso. I looked down. It was an old-fashioned spacesuit from the thirties, with a smashed visor. I saw the half-desiccated corpse from the first trek to Mars as the second last thing in my entire life. The last thing I saw was darkness.

 



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