I Hope You Are Listening

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short outlook on the world of a physics student.

Submitted: June 08, 2017

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Submitted: June 08, 2017

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I hope you are listening.

I am not a religious person, not even remotely. But I do believe in something, and it keeps me alive.

I have contemplated of life, death and existence itself in many aspects. Any value that life appears to hold is all stored in my head. Something in my brain prevents me from driving myself insane. Perhaps our bodies adapt to prevent us from self-destruction. I scare myself as I write these realizations, as they do not shock me anymore.

To start off, I do not believe in a higher power. It seems to be a concept for a weak person looking for easy explanations. Luck, karma, God, all that stupid bullshit we use to simplify everything around so that we can rest our simple little heads easy, none of those things exist. To me, this seems like very simple rationale that you collect with the help of unbiased observations of the world around you over a decade or so. Unfair coincidence and chaos, that is what existence seems to be all about.

The conclusions I have come to so far sound depressing as fuck, don’t they? Biologically speaking, we’re all here to just duplicate and die.

Taking all that I said into context, I seem to be in an interesting position. I am still breathing, so why do I even have the drive to exist anymore? Why not just stop and give up?

Just try to grasp how unlikely us being here really is. But we cannot fully perceive it, as it just is. The same applies to the fact that we might have crossed paths with death and never got to know about it, and all of it is purely by accident. Because of this realization, I feel respect for people that are gone. Think of the people who were planning to go home and to their spouses, their hearts drawing the last beat a few moments later. We take so many things for granted. The universe is unrelenting, cold, it does not care for us. That is why I think what we do have for ourselves is beautiful and amazing in so many ways.

The answer to the questions that I have asked is cliché, but very relatable. Love is the closest thing I can find in the English dictionary. I enjoy the presence of other people alone. The dynamic that people provide to my life is nothing short of amazing.

You have to realize how strong the feeling of love for somebody can be when you fully understand that you have just one existence to experience, and that the next moment could be your last, forever. These concepts form a diamond-hard feeling of loyalty and passion for the people I adore. To be more precise, people that I feel close to. Friends and such, you know, the usual.

And now I think I can safely pinpoint what slowly rots me from the inside. Naturally, I ache for intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy, based on complete trust, a connection that I feel intertwines two lives together and provides them with meaning. Sounds like cheesy romance paired with animalistic desire, as it appears to be a manifestation of the biological purpose to have offspring. However, it feels so damn right. I’m sticking with my gut to this one. If there’s something to be weak for it, it’s for the things that make us human.

Time is running out. Every second I waste is a second lost I could have used to know the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Every single part of my being wants to believe that you exist. This is my religion. I hope you are listening.


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