Lost Lover

Lost Lover

Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

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Status: In Progress

Genre: Romance

Houses:

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Chapter1 (v.1) - The Begining

Author Chapter Note

This is the full first chapter of my book. It took me a few days to write it but it was a process. If you have any suggestions please don't be afraid to leave a comment.

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: June 10, 2017

Reads: 20

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: June 10, 2017

A A A

A A A

I am but nineteen years of age, barely an adult. My family? Don’t consider myself to have one. The rest you will learn later. My name is Jane and this is my story.

 

My father, oh lord my father, threatening to throat punch the man I love. Throwing things across the restaurant. Screaming at the top of his lungs. I just sat there trying my best to fight back tears while the whole thing was going on. God I’m so used to my family treating me like shit and causing a scene, it rarely even effects me anymore. This was so important to me and of course my father had to be an imbecile.  Standing next to the car all the events are playing through my head as the tears stream down my cheeks, regretting even inviting my father to meet my boyfriend. Standing there I suddenly realize, my father could have scared away my boyfriend! Fear fills my body as I look at the passenger side door, afraid that after today my boyfriend will fear me and my family and think of me as a crazy lunatic.

 

All this fear melts away as I feel strong arms wrap around me. Quickly I try to wipe away my tears, afraid to show my pain. Yet my frustration towards my family and how they treated us shows. All they had to do was say they didn’t really like who I was with. There was no need to cause a scene. I mean seriously? I already was full of anxiety waiting for you to show up to meet my boyfriend in the first place! UGH! I just want to scream! The thoughts race through my head and rage blurs my vision. As if sensing my rage my boyfriend softly says into my ear, “Jane, I never before wanted to believe how badly your family treated you; now I know exactly why you are the way you are, and I am so sorry.” I just turn around and bury my face in the crook of his neck and start crying again, embarrassed at the whole situation and relieved at the fact that he still cares about me.

 

My boyfriend, Michael, is 33. Yeah, say what you want about the age gap but I honestly don’t care. Michael is a man of his word. He is strong and passionate about so much and manages to make me smile even in the worst of times. Just thinking about his ocean blue eyes; his warm and gentle smile; the way his laugh makes me feel like I’m floating; it all makes me just fill with pure joy. The way he runs his hand through his buzzed off blonde hair, and him keeping just a tiny little bit of stubble, just because I like it; oh, it drives me absolutely crazy. He is the main source of my happiness.

 

I never cry, and I mean never. I always try to hide my feelings and Michael has helped me open up, to not only him but the people around me. Yet every time I feel like crying when around him, or others, I always try to hide it. This was the first time he has ever seen me cry. His response: pulling me closer to him and constantly telling me he loves me over and over until the tears stopped.  That was the best response he could have given me;it was the thing that caused my smile to emerge. Yet still, I had thoughts running through my head that couldn’t be stopped. Thoughts that gave the weight of a hundred elephants standing on my chest.

 

How could you love someone as fucked up as me? I’ll never make you happy and I will only drag you down with me. I swear I’m crazy. Why love someone like me? Why me? These thoughts and many more like them revert through my mind. Crushing me more and more. My fear of voicing these thoughts caused my silence and I just sat there with a mask upon  my face, trying to hide my pain from Michael, the man who has stolen my heart since the very first kiss.

 

Michael grabs my hand and lifts it up to his lips, slowly kissing the back of my hand and using his thumb to trace a recent scar; resting his hand on my armrest we sit through the hour long drive in complete silence. Me, watching the scenery go by, wishing that he didn’t have to go. Him, focusing on the road, yet his face full of worry. He was worried for me, afraid I would do something crazy.

 

When he goes to drop me off at home I don’t want him to leave, I want him to turn to me and tell me that no matter what he will always be there. I want him to say “I don’t care I’m staying here with you!” I just want him to stay with me, and never let go.  But the look in his eyes before he left said enough that I didn’t beg him to stay. His eyes told me that we will fight for this, we will fight for us, no matter what the world has to say.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Ist has been about a week since the day my father caused a scene in the restaurant. Six days since I moved out of my mother’s. Five days since the rule came that I can only go over to Michael’s to help his ex-wife take care of his three children. Three beautiful children that have captured me in their life and consider me part of the family. Two perfect little girls and one perfect little boy.

 

It has been about four days since I have started my notebook for Michael. I call it “Why I Love You.” Everyday that I remember, I write down a reason that I love him. Weather it’s something big, or something small. It has been about four days since I’ve actually written in it. I’m not too great at keeping up with things, especially now that the kids take up all of my time, but since today is a day that I can spend a few hours to myself I will write something in it. After I watch more of my favorite show on Netflix; and  no, I will not share with you what it is; I like it being a secret.

 

I sit down on my computer and pull up my show, but I hesitate for a moment. My facebook is open in another tab and I click on it. I do not know why, but I decided to read through the conversation my boyfriend and I had while he was at work today. As I read through I cannot help but smile. I laugh as I read the part where he mentions “bells,” like as in wedding bells, or that's how I took it,  I know him and I have not been together long but I see myself having a future with him. Even though he does drive me up a wall. I love him and I never want to lose him.

While reading through our messages it’s hard to not have memories flood through my brain. It’s hard to not actually see those memories replaying through my mind. It is happening so often that I have to stop reading. Instead I switch tabs on my computer and open up my writing. I tend to write more after spending time with him, or even reliving memories in my mind. He is my inspiration, my muse. Michael is genuinely dignified with  my writing; heck he drives me to continue on with it, asking me daily if I had written at all in the day.

 

As I write I can’t help but remember all the times I would get mad at him for no reason.  I thought to myself, Geez, I can be very melancholy at times. I really have to work on that. Well at least I have therapy on monday. Hopefully I’ll be a better girlfriend and motherlike figure by doing this. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll become who I used to be, who I want myself to become once more.

 

As I continue on writing, the time passes quickly, so quickly in fact that I didn’t realise how late it was when I finally got the message from Michael saying that he was on his way to get me. Elated, I rush to grab my things because I was going to spend the night with him in his car. We rarely do overnights anymore, and oh how I miss being able to do overnights. I always have been able to sleep best when he is by my side.

 

Michael shows up not even ten minutes after he texted me that he was on his way. As he pulled in I tried so carefully to make sure I didn’t disturb the dogs in the house. Well with my luck, my brother’s dog started barking and I had to get her to be quiet as to not wake my grandparents. As I finally am able to close the door behind me, I breathe a sigh of relief. Skipping over to the van, I open the door and am greeted with a kiss and a smile. Then I notice all the snacks littering the floor. Laughing I say, “You seem to be nervous.”

 

“What? Me? Nervous? Whatever makes you think that?” Michael exclaimed.

 

I arch my eyebrows and look to the back of the van. “You always have been a nervous eater, love. I do understand though as it has been three weeks since we had an overnight together.” Laughing, Michael pulls me in for a kiss. “I love you.” He says quietly. My heart is pounding at the words. I respond to him with a kiss full of passion, full of love.

 

The night ended peacefully; with Michael’s arms wrapped around me and his soft snoring in my ear. I  think of everything we may become; everywhere we will go. I think of my future with him and fall asleep knowing with my entire being, that Michael stole my heart.

 


© Copyright 2017 Kay Love. All rights reserved.

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