Sometimes It's All You Can Utter

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sometimes it's all you can utter...

Submitted: June 10, 2017

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Submitted: June 10, 2017



As I once again find myself in a time of reflection and prayer, I find myself draw to the words of Psalm 30:5
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

There are times when all I can utter is “Dear Lord, Dear Lord.” And the words won’t come, when I find myself unable to express the crying out of my heart, when I just can’t say what needs to be said, but the Lord is faithful.

I found myself that way the days after I learned my best friend, the sister of my heart died, I found myself walking around in a sort of shock, I remember the comfort of friends who told me she was in a better place, and deep down I knew that, but I could not grasp the fact that she was gone, even today, from time to time, I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and to dial that number I have etched in my memory bank forever, but the first days after finding out about her death, were a kind of blur, I remember going to church, and Brother Tony, and Sister Wernau just offering me the comfort I needed, and Sister Ruth being the support I needed, she understood the sting of death having had a daughter murdered in the seventies, but loosing a child like that, to acts of such violence never leaves you, and that is why I appreciated her comfort so much, she and I have a special bond though, I look to her as a spirtual grandmother and a spiritual mentor, and I find myself thankful for her roll in my life everyday.

This week has been another tough week, as I watch my friend suffer from another one of her “spells” and walk around in a kind of cloud, I find myself once again praying for this dear sweet woman, whom I love like a sister and trying to reach out to her, I remind her that no matter what I am going to pray for her, I understand her feel I have seen people shun her for the things she can not help, and it breaks my heart, meanwhile I try to offer her young daughter comfort as she faces things some adults do not have to face, and I see her carrying a heavy burden on her shoulders, and reaching out for the comfort she needs, which I have tried to give her, letting her know that my door is always open if she needs to talk, if she needs to just be a kid.

It feels lately as if Satan is trying to attack me by attacking my friends, the people who mean the most to me, and I find myself trying to form the words to prayers, that will lift them up in ways only the sweet Lord can, but sometimes all I can utter is “Dear Lord, Dear Lord.” And yet even in that I know he knows the very cries of my heart, and just crying out to him is what I need to do.

(C) Michelle R Kidwell



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