A Decision

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Fragments Of Thoughts
just a question that I am unsure of the answer to

Submitted: June 11, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 11, 2017



There was a time when he was all I wanted. He was the boy that I lie awake thinking about, asking myself if he felt the same way. He was the reason for my feet hitting the floor every morning, the smile that crossed my face whenever I walked through the burgundy double doors into our shared school. He was the cause of my tears and laughs for so long, I forgot how to do both when he was gone. 


I moved on. I had erased every piece of him from my memory and let the empty space he left be filled with the thoughts of another. The person I was before him was no longer, but neither was the person I was when he was here. There was a new boy, one from the next town over that I had taken an interest in. 


As I came home and made a post about the terrible day I had just been through, he suddenly was back. He wasn't the person I once knew, but somehow more. He cared more than anyone else, even after I had dismissed him from my life. 


Somehow in that moment I found myself falling deeper into his gravity. I was trapped in the orbit of two completely different planets. My mind told me not to go back down the road we had traveled together, to continue whatever journey I was embarking on with the boy that had replaced him. But then there was my heart, so full with the idea of us, what we were, who we could be. And I was left with a decision I wasn't sure that I was ready to make. One that would make or break me, that had the possibility to send me into the downwards spiral I had just pulled myself out of. Or one that could teach me how to be really, truly happy. 

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