Heartbreaks & Hospital Rooms

Kossettes Novellettes

The wording is magnificent. Now i am not much for indepth critisism only because the story and general construct of the story are what really interest me. For you the story seems amazing and the way that you wrote it your writing style isnsonpoetic and heartfelt. I honestly rwally need to read on

Xoxo

Kossettes

Xartorious120

my god, the wording is magnificent in this story haha like Kossettes said up there, there really isn't anything to criticize in this story lol its well constructed, well written and extremely well worded. i'll definitely be reading on as you post :)

Aira crimson

The story is interesting even though I just started reading. I'll read further and tell you how I think.

Islebabe

Thank you so much for the invite. I can honestly say this was the most intriguing intro that I've read in a long time. My only tiny feedback would be, as your readers read your book they will know who's POV they are currently reading, you don't have to point it out to them. This was truly a very nice intro.

WintertheWhiteWolf

The wording is just how it should be and both POVs left me with a sense of suspense to want to know what happens next. The quote was a nice touch, a lot to think about after I finished this chapter. These characters will probably have interesting backstories. As for medical terminology, I'm not even that familiar with the American terms. For changing POVs some people use a line, like a whole ton of those dashes, or a symbol in the middle of the screen (when you write it on Booksie or copy & paste, their should be an easy way to center it). Since it uses that program-thing like on our school's computers.

~~~~

Like this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or this. And they usually use the same symbol throughout the book.

Ps. Thanks for the chance to practice reviewing and keep up the good work. Good luck!

WintertheWhiteWolf

Also the lines are supposed to be centered:

~~~~~

Sometimes anyway.

FirePlague

This is written with such intimate detail. Captivating the reader. I am never so glad to be kidnapped. Great work! I am loving this so far

Spyguy

You have an impeccable grasp of the English language, so intensely so, that I feel outclassed here almost! I'm very impressed! You've begun a story with a bravado & fury that compells further reads & I am almost tempted to do so! There are two problems with that... 1. I have very little time, & have many friends who are writers here, & who have willingly read many of my works & commented on them, & I am more inclined to aquiess to their requests than yours, simply because of protocol & due diligence. 2. I have been on this site for quite awhile now, & I have made it my practice to read & comment on another's work, at least once, always before I ever ask them to read &/or comment on anything of mine... I believe that is both a proper, & polite custom to follow, & feel that others should also employ the same courtesy! I appreciate your request, but feel that you should honor that same courtesy position... I have now read & commented on your work before I request anything of you, & I would appreciate it if you would reciprocate! Thank you for understanding my position!

Katilly

This is a very heartfelt first chapter!
I love your use of metaphors, and the way there is multiple perspectives to each other. It is worded very good, the only thing I might change would be the length of each persons' perspective before going on to the next one. Anyway, can't wait to read more!

Sylvermyst

It definitely sounds interesting (in a good way) and I shall continue to read on.
I like how it is worded and made two suggestions for edits. It's up to you if you want to change it.

Miss Midnight

Power descriptions and well-constructed sentences. I liked the flow of the story and the questions you asked through your character. Nothing felt rushed or forced. I'm not good with grammar myself and therefore rarely remark on another's problems, lol. So, I sacrifice (;p) or offer what I feel.

Like I said before I really like the flow so far and will most definitely continue reading. I like the pacing and you have a rich vocabulary that always draws me in. Overall, excellent start!

Rubianne

Beautifully written. POV is a writer's term, but not so much a reader's. Perhaps, just put a character name at the beginning of each narrative.

I. Razevich

OMG! I absolutely LOVE this! I enjoy the shifts of point of view and how their perspectives change around it as well. Wish there were more books like this, keep up the good work.

C A Sechler

This is beautiful work, I'm looking forward to reading more!

LeParadisNoirPoetique

Underneath all this is a poetic tone, and it works really well with the thoughts that you are giving your characters. It's amazing how you describe a thought, and switch to a poetic tone to finish it off with a metaphor of some kind. The dash system you use doesn't bother me at all. In fact I feel it gives another element of how the person is feeling, so I believe it is a great added touch.

For POV, I would use the name of the character, so you know who is thinking, who is talking when it is their turn in the chapter. I find no fault with this, and your wording is majestic. Any critiques some people have pointed out, I find them as a strength, but you will know what works best for you.

I'm not a romance fan, and I can be a slow reader, but I will read more of this. The emotions alone are so deep, and I like that in a story. I have to say this is a beautiful start :)

H D Cooper

Excellent descriptive words. I think the layout needs a little work, perhaps justify it. The last few sentences made me want to read on.
Thanks for sharing.
Heidi.

dominiko

THE FIRST LINE drew me in right away. All of the icomments that said I love this, I agree with 1000 percent. I've never seen this wording before and I can actually say I'm very envious of your style. This is just a preface too...... what a way to start off this story. I can't comment much on the story content just yet because I personally don't have enough to go on right now, but the preface did its job and instantly makes me want to know what's going to happen next. This is amazing.

ShadaStorm120

Hey Trish :) I am going to read through your novel from start to end. I remember reading this part of it, but it's been so long, so I'm doing it again, haha. Anyway, this preface is worded very lovely, almost like poetry. The way it was done drew me in and I loved the references to chess and things like that. Very well done :)

A. G. Smith

A truly poetic piece: raw and brimming with emotion. I think this is a wonderful way to begin a story. Your grasp of elegant prose and linguistic beauty is very profound. I look forward to reading more.