Heartbreaks & Hospital Rooms

The wording is magnificent. Now i am not much for indepth critisism only because the story and general construct of the story are what really interest me. For you the story seems amazing and the way that you wrote it your writing style isnsonpoetic and heartfelt. I honestly rwally need to read on

Xoxo

Kossettes

my god, the wording is magnificent in this story haha like Kossettes said up there, there really isn't anything to criticize in this story lol its well constructed, well written and extremely well worded. i'll definitely be reading on as you post :)

Hi, Trishalavadhan,

Some comments on your introduction / preface before I read any further.

You have managed to pique my interest (a remarkable thing to achieve) and I will actually be reading further from interest rather than a sense of duty, having started.

However a few things. One you seriously over-use the dash, creating a disjointed series of fragments that is harder to read than it should be. Remember that any breaks in the line create a pause and making the reader pause so often is not good. The reading has to flow.

The other thing that is a problem is your ~change of POV~ tag. You need a better way of indicating a change in POV - new chapters, a heading, but that isn't a professional header. It is also very difficult to write a multi-POV book successfully and it is generally not recommended one attempts it in one's first novel, so having been warned that you have set yourself a difficult task, let's see how you manage with it.

The story is interesting even though I just started reading. I'll read further and tell you how I think.

Thank you so much for the invite. I can honestly say this was the most intriguing intro that I've read in a long time. My only tiny feedback would be, as your readers read your book they will know who's POV they are currently reading, you don't have to point it out to them. This was truly a very nice intro.

The wording is just how it should be and both POVs left me with a sense of suspense to want to know what happens next. The quote was a nice touch, a lot to think about after I finished this chapter. These characters will probably have interesting backstories. As for medical terminology, I'm not even that familiar with the American terms. For changing POVs some people use a line, like a whole ton of those dashes, or a symbol in the middle of the screen (when you write it on Booksie or copy & paste, their should be an easy way to center it). Since it uses that program-thing like on our school's computers.

~~~~

Like this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or this. And they usually use the same symbol throughout the book.

Ps. Thanks for the chance to practice reviewing and keep up the good work. Good luck!

Also the lines are supposed to be centered:

~~~~~

Sometimes anyway.

Good writing and a great set up for the story itself. Other commenters have dealt with the POV change indication and I'd agree, all I would add is that I label mine (but they're diary entries, so it makes sense). Dashes have been mentioned before as well and to add a bit more to that, they're used to mark interruption so most readers would stop/start with the text. For a gentler stop, a brief pause, readers recognise a comma. It's an odd one because we want a unique style but we also have to account for the mechanics of how most readers process our work. If you want flowing text, free thought, dashes won't help a reader keep the flow.

Side note: My first project I used way too many ellipses, I don't consider myself immune lol

This is written with such intimate detail. Captivating the reader. I am never so glad to be kidnapped. Great work! I am loving this so far

You have an impeccable grasp of the English language, so intensely so, that I feel outclassed here almost! I'm very impressed! You've begun a story with a bravado & fury that compells further reads & I am almost tempted to do so! There are two problems with that... 1. I have very little time, & have many friends who are writers here, & who have willingly read many of my works & commented on them, & I am more inclined to aquiess to their requests than yours, simply because of protocol & due diligence. 2. I have been on this site for quite awhile now, & I have made it my practice to read & comment on another's work, at least once, always before I ever ask them to read &/or comment on anything of mine... I believe that is both a proper, & polite custom to follow, & feel that others should also employ the same courtesy! I appreciate your request, but feel that you should honor that same courtesy position... I have now read & commented on your work before I request anything of you, & I would appreciate it if you would reciprocate! Thank you for understanding my position!

I don't watch K-Dramas, but the names of the doctors sound very familiar to me. I might have read about them somewhere but I can't remember...
Anyways, your writing-as others have noted-is superb. You have a vast vocabulary that you know how to apply, and an enticing writing style to accompany it. I'm not the biggest romance fan but I can tell that you have something wonderful in the works here. Great job!

Wow...very poetic. You use alliteration in your prose and your vocabulary is generous. I'm going to agree with MeAW a little bit and say that your use of the dash is distracting. I like it some...you see it a lot in novels, but not at this frequency. The semi-colon actually works well for these sorts of pauses, and as I look at your writing style, I understand your interest in 'pause' during your sentences because of their complexity. You're very descriptive about things that may not need to be detailed quite so vividly. The style is incredibly intellectual, but somewhat overbearing for my taste. By that I mean it requires too much punctuation, which is why you're running into an issue with dash-a-mania. I like a mix of short emphatic sentences with longer more traditional ones. This feels overly complex. But I'm a simple girl....

POV: This is easy. The books I've read typically switch chapters with a change in POV. I like that tradition. I wasn't a big fan of the 'POV' switch in general when I started to see that happening in literature. You don't see it in traditional literature much. However, I've come to like it in certain books where the author uses it to their advantage and does things that otherwise could not be accomplished. One such example is "Girl on a Train". I thought it was really used well there. So take a look at that, and you'll notice the POV is demarcated simply by the name of the speaker at the top of the page. That's all you need.

Your quote beneath the 'Preface'...is that yours? I like it. That's Iambic meter, very Shakespearean of you. You have a poetic nature...it bleeds thru your work regardless of what your writing. You don't need to discard that.

This is a very heartfelt first chapter!
I love your use of metaphors, and the way there is multiple perspectives to each other. It is worded very good, the only thing I might change would be the length of each persons' perspective before going on to the next one. Anyway, can't wait to read more!

It definitely sounds interesting (in a good way) and I shall continue to read on.
I like how it is worded and made two suggestions for edits. It's up to you if you want to change it.

An editor or publisher may not care one way or the other, but just wanted you to be aware of how it all shakes down in case it becomes an issue.

just so you know, Kang's double boarding in Neurology and Cardiology is highly irregular. A lot of docs are double boarded, but typically in related specialties. The most common is pulmonology and intensive care medicine. Med/Peds is another popular combination and I've even seen a surgeon go into pathology. It's a minor issue, but Kang has made a 180 degree turn in her clinical direction. I suspect that plays out in the story. If it were me, though, and I was trying to advance my training and status, I'd take my neurology into a neurosurgery fellowship.

Power descriptions and well-constructed sentences. I liked the flow of the story and the questions you asked through your character. Nothing felt rushed or forced. I'm not good with grammar myself and therefore rarely remark on another's problems, lol. So, I sacrifice (;p) or offer what I feel.

Like I said before I really like the flow so far and will most definitely continue reading. I like the pacing and you have a rich vocabulary that always draws me in. Overall, excellent start!

Beautifully written. POV is a writer's term, but not so much a reader's. Perhaps, just put a character name at the beginning of each narrative.

OMG! I absolutely LOVE this! I enjoy the shifts of point of view and how their perspectives change around it as well. Wish there were more books like this, keep up the good work.

This is beautiful work, I'm looking forward to reading more!

Underneath all this is a poetic tone, and it works really well with the thoughts that you are giving your characters. It's amazing how you describe a thought, and switch to a poetic tone to finish it off with a metaphor of some kind. The dash system you use doesn't bother me at all. In fact I feel it gives another element of how the person is feeling, so I believe it is a great added touch.

For POV, I would use the name of the character, so you know who is thinking, who is talking when it is their turn in the chapter. I find no fault with this, and your wording is majestic. Any critiques some people have pointed out, I find them as a strength, but you will know what works best for you.

I'm not a romance fan, and I can be a slow reader, but I will read more of this. The emotions alone are so deep, and I like that in a story. I have to say this is a beautiful start :)