It's time to smile again

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I wrote this for an english assessment at school and i was really happy and confident with it so i decided to share my work.

Submitted: June 14, 2017

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Submitted: June 14, 2017

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I’ve had my heart broken before. I have cried over boys and their foolish antics, but haven’t all teenage girls? However, this one was different. He built up my self esteem. He made me smile for no reason. It was as Dr. Seuss said, “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” I was in love. I had never felt this kind of love or affection before. People kept telling me he was trouble and he’d break my heart - and deep down I knew he was just setting me up - but I didn’t care. He was my shoulder to cry on, my best friend and he was always finding ways to make me feel better no matter what I was going through. Mr. Anonymous. Thank you for breaking my heart.

 

“I’m always here for you. Whatever happens I’ll still be around for a while to take care of you. I promise. Just try your best, don’t listen to the haters and remember school is only just to set yourself up for the future. But don’t be scared to speak up to the teachers if something is wrong. I won’t leave you Milli.”

 

“I first started loving you like a sister and then we knew each other a bit more and you were like a best friend. Soon, you it turned into more than just a best friend, someone I could consider a soul mate but I wasn’t sure you liked me anywhere close to that; so I just kept being a good friend and was about to accept the fact that, that might be it. I understand you on another level and I feel that goes both ways xx.”

 

Five months later, I was a wreck. It felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest and completely demolished. I was crying myself to sleep and wondering what was wrong with me. Those words. Those words that I thought would last forever, didn’t. The promises made were all broken. My heart was shattered and all over the floor like a broken mirror.

Lies. All lies. At the time he made me smile. He made me feel like I was loved and that no matter how hard life is you can always find the light and feel elation again. Obviously I was wrong because where is he now? He told me I was perfect. He told me I was his sunrise and his sunset. He told me I was everything to him. Clearly I wasn’t.

 

Three months; rumours were flying but I ignored them all. I didn’t want anything to do with someone who finds joy in tearing people down and smashing their self-esteem and ego. However, one rumour did make my blood boil. It was the rumour that caused us to go our separate ways. He was seeing another girl.

The same girl he complained about being ‘too clingy.’ The same girl he said annoyed him and stalked him. I was more angry than hurt, but then I realised; the Universe has separated us for a reason and maybe that’s how it was always meant to be. I lay in bed that night, looking up at the ceiling and for a long time I finally smiled. A smile that was true and happy; I cried silent tears of bliss. I was finally over the boy that made me feel worthless. I was over the boy who crushed my soul and broke me. It was in that moment I realised that the best feeling in the world, isn’t when you win a videogame or when you get an ‘A’ in class, no, the best feeling in the world is when you finally realise you are over somebody because you deserve so much better.

 

Days later I decided to share my happiness. I decided to show Mr. Anonymous that I was done with him and posted my favourite line from the most upbeat heartbreak song on social media. I wrote: “Shout out to my ex, you’re really quite the man. You made my heartbreak and that made me who I am. Here’s to my ex, hey look at me now. I’m all the way up and I swear you’ll never bring me down.”

 

People messaged me things like, “You go girl!” or “Happy Milli is my favourite Milli.” But the messaged didn’t sit right with Mr. Anonymous, even though I didn’t use his name.

He messaged me with a simple, “Haha.”

I rolled my eyes and texted back, “What are you laughing at? I don’t find anything funny.”

“I just thought this was gold,” I could hear his irritating laugh lacing the words; even if it was just a text.

I was completely done with his attitude. He had broken my heart, lied to me and was now trying to ruin my mood. “And I thought what you said to me all those months ago was gold, until I found out you were saying them to another girl,” I snarled in retaliation.

He didn’t respond for a while but when he did he was defensive, “What?”

“I think you know what I’m talking about,” I texted before shutting my phone off and for a split second rage engulfed me; however it was quickly replaced with sadness. It was my fault. I had ignored all the warning signs that he was associated with another girl. I had seen him and his car multiple times, always with that girl. At the time I shrugged it off and thought nothing of it - after all, I trusted him. Or at least I thought I trusted him. I was trying to be happy and show people that you can overcome a broken heart but it felt impossible. I shut my eyes and watched the swirls and patterns the dark created behind my eyelids. It was that moment I realised that throughout our relationship it was just me. Mr. Anonymous had one foot out the door and I knew that all along. I opened my eyes and looked around. Seeing my messy bed and books sprawled everywhere I finally saw my life in a different light. All my power and feelings were back and it was time to let go of what was once the best moment in my life and start living again.

 

Two months down the track and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have lost all contact with him and he blocked me on a few social media pages. But if your ex blocks you, you’ve obviously won. I won’t lie and say I don’t think of him. Every so often a memory of the two of us together will float into my mind, but then I remember that all teenagers go through heartbreak - it’s not just me. My mum once told me, “All teenagers date jerks and players at some stage and end up getting their heart crushed but there is someone out there who will cherish the ground you walk on and treat you like a queen.” And to this day that has been the motto I have lived by. Heartbreak is a horrid thing but I finally made a choice to let go because I couldn’t stand the pain. It was time to let my last tear fall and smile again


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