An interview with Candidate O'Mama

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A satire about an interview with presidential candidate O'Mama

Submitted: June 16, 2017

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Submitted: June 16, 2017

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Transcript of An interview with Presidential candidate O’Mama 

 

Interviewer: “Mr. O’Mama, I can’t tell you how excited I am to have you in the studio for this exclusive interview. It actually sends a tingle down my leg.”

 

(camera shows a small puddle of water near interviewer’s leg with O’Mama  glancing down at it.)

 

O’Mama: “Um, yes Chris, I’m happy to be here. I’ll be pleased to answer any question you might have, but could I first get a glass of water?” (An attractive female assistant hands him a glass. He thanks her. She swoons to the floor and is dragged off the set)

 

Chris:” Well , first I’d like to give you the opportunity to straighten out some of the misconceptions that some people may have about you. For instance, during the exhaustive primary season, when you were in several states in one day, you accidentally said that there were only forty seven states. Would you like to correct the record?”

 

(Chris tosses O’Mama a waffle ball. O’Mama picks up a plastice bat and hits it past the camera. There is the sound of glass breaking in the background. The camera closes in on O’Mama, smiling.

 

O’Mama: “Yes, of course I know there are fifty one states…”  ( pause)  O’Mama touches his left ear, then taps on it) “…fifty you say! But what about Puerto Rico?” (he touches his left ear again)  “then why did we waste our time campaigning there? Live, what do you mean this interview is live, why didn’t you tell me that before? You did? You said it was a ‘live’ session? I thought you said it was a ‘Jive’ session.”

 

Chris: “Mr. O’Mama?”

 

O’Mama; “Let me clarify my last statement Chris. The people of Puerto Rico were so nice and friendly to me when I was there, that I tend to think of them being a state already, although of course they aren’t, but they will be as soon as I become President, you can count on that. We need the extra tax money.”

 

Chris: “Um, yes. Moving on, there has been some criticism about your being a very shallow person, with no depth. Would you like to respond to that?”  (Chris tosses another waffle ball to him, he swings and misses.)

 

O’Mama:  “Yes, my opponents have no issues to talk about, so they resort to personal attacks against me. Let me tell you something about me right now, what you see is what you get!”  (camera shows an Easter basket  with jelly beans, etc. in a store window with a sign reading ‘what you see is what you get’. Camera, which up until now has only shown upper part of O’Mama’s body, pulls back to reveal that he is wearing basketball shorts and tennis shoes under his suit jacket and tie)

 

Chris: “Um, yes. I’m glad you were able to clarify that. Moving along now, we have a couple in our audience from Pennsylvania that would like you to clarify a statement that you made.” (camera turns to middle aged couple dressed in shabby clothes, with perspiration dripping from  their faces. The man is clinging desperately to a riffle, the woman clinging to a Bible.)

 

Man nervously: “Mr. O’Mama, are you going to take away my gun?”

 

Woman terrified: “Mr. O’Mama, are you going to take away my Bible?”

 

O’Mama: “No, of course not. I was mis-quoted. What I said is that you were clinging decisively to your guns and Bibles. I admire that. I am a great fan of guns and Bibles, always have been!”  (a waffle ball is tossed to O’Mama. He hits it over the couple’s head. A women in the audience screams as the ball hit her.)

 

Chris: “Your opponent says that you lack foreign policy experience, citing your statements that Iran is not a threat to us, and then your statement that Iran is a grave threat to us. Would you like to clarify those statements?”

 

O’Mama: “Yes, let me clarify that. What I said was that Iran was a tiny country, like Cuba, which is true, but tiny countries can also be a threat. Cuba was a threat during President Kennedy’s missile crisis, which he handled so skillfully. Of course, that was a defeat for us, like the bay of pigs, but he kept us out of war, which is all that matters.” (O’Mama pulls a waffle ball out of his pocket, tosses it in the air, and hits it towards Criss. It bounces off of his forehead causing him to grimace).

 

Chris: “We have a gentleman in our audience that would like to ask you a question.” (the camera shifts to a standing man, who is about four and a half feet tall)

 

Man: “Mr. O’Mama, if you are elected, what are you going to do for the little people in this country?”

 

O’Mama: That’s a very good question. In China, being tall is considered very prestigious. The have developed an operation that can add up to six inches of height  to  person by cutting his legs and inserting additional bone. My health plan would cover this operation for all vertically challenged Americans, allowing them to feel better about themselves and qualify for jobs that might not otherwise be available to them, due to height discrimination” (He hits a waffle ball at the standing man, knocking him to the ground.)

 

Chris, nervously: “That concludes our exclusive interview with presidential candidate OMama”

 


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