One Last Goodbye

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
On one hand, I was desperate to claw my way out. On the other, I wished gravity would pull me back down. I want to leave, yet my heart, soul and tears have fallen in and blended into this ground.

Submitted: June 17, 2017

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Submitted: June 17, 2017

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I want to leave this place, I want to break free of the chains that have held me captive all these years. I look around me and all I see is pain, sharp and vicious and forever scornful. Dark memories that haunt me to this day, that rip away my happiness and leave me exposed and vulnerable.

You see white benches by the walls, I see a little girl sitting alone, watching with her big hazel eyes her peers play their silly games. To this day, she still wonders why she never felt like joining them. You see hallways, I see that girl, walking with her head down as the kids behind her always had vile things to say. You see a simple, empty playground, I see that same girl, stopping to see her friends walk away from her, as they forgot she was there with them. I see that same girl being followed by the meanest bullies, who wouldn’t leave her alone until she ran away with teary eyes.

I walk inside the classrooms, I see her all alone, hiding behind the drawers, slowly eating the sandwich her mother packed her as her classmates played together outside. She had tried to tag along multiple times with no avail. She was always left alone, she was always ignored or talked over or ridiculed. Why did they dislike her so much? What had she ever done to them?

I see her crying inside a toilet stall, afraid of being exposed by a worried stranger or a nosy teacher. How would she explain her situation? How would she describe the bitter taste of this crippling loneliness? It wasn’t as if it was all too new to her, but quite the opposite; she had grown so used to her seclusion that she no longer knew how to explain it. How do you explain colors? How do you explain the black that you’ve been seeing every single day?

I saw her fight her way through it, I saw her make some happy memories for a change. I saw her open her heart and cry on the shoulders of nurturing souls. They told her she had a mind too big for her little body, but she never understood what that meant. But those same people slowly began drifting further and further away, as time was a cruel reminder that nothing could possibly last forever. There she was again, alone, and her big hazels were stripped of their glimmer.

I’ve decided that the only solution it to seek a new place, a new sight, a new dream. I’ve decided that it is time to leave.

But when I look back, now with a foot set outside of this nest of thorns, beneath these shrouds of black rain, I see a crystal clear reflection in the water. I see everything I could’ve had, everything I’ve lost. I see the people that I’ve showed the pieces of my broken heart, and in return gave me a needle and thread. I see the fond memories that I keep in a small coffer by my bed.

The pain of knowing there can never be another hello is much more agonizing and hollow than the years of loneliness that I’ve encountered. Yet, is it such idiocy of me to wish for one last goodbye?


© Copyright 2017 Pink Sky. All rights reserved.

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