Sir D'Ignorant and Sir D'Umber

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: The Imaginarium
A short story inspired by the Imaginarium Picture Prompt 12.

Submitted: June 21, 2017

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Submitted: June 21, 2017

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Sir D’Ignorant and Sir D’Umber

 

Sir D’Ignorant loved the Princess Fair but she did not love him. As the King’s daughter she was to have no say in the matter of who her husband would be. Her father would decide, and that would be that. But Sir D’Ignorant was not the only contender for her hand in marriage.

 

Sir D’Umber also had his eye on the princess, wanted her to be his wife. Princess Fair was not too keen on him either, viewing him just a marginally better prospect than her other suitor. The King, it seemed, could not make up his mind between the two and had decreed a joust to decide the issue.

 

The trouble was that both Sir D’Ignorant and Sir D’Umber were no good at jousting. In fact, they could barely maintain the saddle without a lance in hand, let alone when they had one hand on the reins and had a weapon to manoeuvre with the other. Three times they had jousted and three times they had both been unseated. Other than bruises, both to their person and their pride, neither knight had been injured.

 

The King, the Queen and the Princess Fair took up their usual positions. The seats with the best view were always reserved for the royalty. Perhaps the first time there had been some slight excitement, but by joust number four it had become little more than a routine event that just had to be sat through out of duty.

 

The courtiers and citizens were also in attendance out of duty. In fact they had been ordered to attend. They were not really interested in who won the Princess’s hand; but watching the two clumsy knights did add a bit of entertainment to their mainly monotonous lives. The laughter, though, was beginning to wear a bit thin and had to be forced before they could all make a decently hasty exit and get back to their own boring lives.

 

But this joust, the fourth one, promised to be a bit more serious. Both knights glowered towards their opponents. Both knights took extra care in adjusting their armour, and helmets. They took even longer over adjusting the reins and the saddle. The horses grazed contentedly, ignoring the entire process.

 

Both knights strode out towards the royal box and bowed to their royal family. The King nodded solemnly, the Queen gave a slight smile, and Princess Fair carried on chatting with the stable boy and did not even glance in their direction.

 

Sir D’Ignorant was the first to mount his steed. The horse raised one foot, twitched it’s ears as though it was being bothered by flies, then returned to eating. The knight adjusted his weight to one side of the saddle, then the other, before becoming satisfied that he was finally sitting centrally.

 

Sir D’Umber smirked at his opponent as he mounted his own horse. He sat straight then nearly slid forward down the horse’s neck as it went straight back to grazing. He hoped that Sir D’Ignorant had not noticed but it was clear by the smile that played on those lips that he had seen it all.

 

Both bowed their heads towards each other, a movement not even enough to be considered a nod. They adjusted the lances they held in their hands, then tried to get the horses to canter rather than trot towards each other. The horses just began to pick up speed when the lances met with a tap that instantly unseated both knights.

 

The groans of the knights mixed with the groans of the crowd who were hurrying to make their getaway. The Princess did not once look back as she walked off arm-in-arm with the stable boy, the King and Queen following behind them.

 

Sir D’Ignorant followed the princess with his eyes, as did Sir D’Umber. Both were disappointed to see that they were being ignored, but neither of them were going to give up and admit defeat.

 

Sir D’Ignorant was the first to get back on his feet. He held out a hand towards Sir D’Umber and helped him up. “Same time next week?”

 

Sir D’Umber nodded, and both knights hobbled off in search of their horses.

 

 


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