One Step At a Time - Episode #5 - Calm The F@#$ Down

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This is Episode 5 of my Soap Opera Blog! Check the first episode for the full summary of One Step At a Time!

Submitted: June 23, 2017

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Submitted: June 23, 2017

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One Step At A Time

A Soap Opera Blog

by Jay Sims

 

Episode Five

The Zen Room

 

Previously on One Step at a Time…A dinner party for Da’Waylon and his family turned into an all-out woman brawl as Phyllis and her totally unexpected sister, Tiffany, came to blows after Tiffany’s sudden arrival in Appleseed. Dinner and desserts weren’t the only thing served at this gathering of the families! Other than two aging sisters fighting because of petty jealousness, we found what Phyllis might be forced to do if Phoebe doesn’t come to her senses and do something about her baby, although most of the credit goes to Blake for giving her the idea. Timothy and Mayor Charleston were able to work things out, but unbeknownst to them, their passionate make-up kiss was captured by the cameras surrounding the back of the house. Rashad takes Officer Michael throughout the house and outside, exposing his dad’s secrets, but Michael can’t do anything about it because he remembers what The Messenger told him. Finally, Justin is guilty of being sloppy according to his younger sis as they try to figure out who The Messenger is, which they do at the end of the episode. All fingers lead to Tiffany, but is it really her? And speaking of Tiffany, what’s up with her and Phyllis?

 

I guess we’ll find out soon on another episode of One Step At A Time!

 

 

 

 

After The Storm

 

The setting takes place in front of Da’Waylon’s house.

 

Phyllis and Tiffany have just finished fighting and Octavius and Da’Waylon are keeping the women apart from each other.

 

 

Phyllis: (Spits blood onto the lawn) You better be glad they have us separated cause I was gonna beat your ass, bitch!

Tiffany: Oh please trick, we both know who won that match. Betcha I’ll win the next one too you sloppy piece of shit!

Phyllis tries to break away from Octavius, but isn’t able to. Tiffany tries to raise her arm, but Da’Waylon warns her to not even try it.

Blake: Okay, you two are grown ass women out here fighting like it’s Fight Gang or something! Cut it out!

Da’Waylon: Bro, you mean Fight Club?

Blake: Seriously?

Da’Waylon: I’m just sayin’, man. Don’t be messing with Fight Club. Get that shit right, you know what I mean? (He high fives a confused Octavius)

Blake: Ugh, anyway! What the hell happened between you two that made you like this?

Phyllis: (Stares at Tiffany) I’m not telling him.

Tiffany: Why not? Isn’t he like your best gay or something?

Blake & Octavius: Hey!

Jessica: Look ladies, I know how difficult it can be to be sisters. I mean, I don’t have a sister, but Blake is kinda like one and Da’Waylon did have his diva moments. So I guess in a way—

Blake: Oh just get to the point Jessica!

Jessica: Whatever happened between you two is in the past. So let’s forget all about it and hug it out. Whatdaya say?

Phoebe: Yeah, like it’s gonna be that easy. Those two need therapy—no, a surgeon so they can each get new brains and hearts.

Rashad: (Whispering to Blake) Wow. That family really don’t like each other.

Blake: You have no idea, kid.

Timothy and Charleston walk out into the front yard and notice the commotion.

Charleston: Hey, what’s going on out here? (He sees Phyllis being held by Octavius) Hey! Let go of my wife!

Octavius: (Moving himself and Phyllis out of the way) Not until she and her sister stop fighting. We had to pull them apart.

Charleston: Sister? What? (He turns around and spots Tiffany) What the hell are you doing here?

Tiffany: Oh you know, just checking up on my favorite sis.

Phyllis: Suck it bitch!

Timothy: Mayor, shouldn’t we be on our way to your office for the scholarship?

Blake: Whoa, what scholarship? (To Charleston) You’re giving him a scholarship? Fuck yeah!

Charleston: It can wait. My wife needs me.

Phyllis: I’m fine, sweetheart. Once I slaughter the pig I’ll be home for a little afternoon delight.

Rashad & Timothy: Gross!

Timothy: Come on, let’s go.

Timothy gets behind Charleston and pushes him towards the limo waiting for them.

Blake: Phyllis? Tiffany? Can someone please just say what happened so we can figure out a way to fix it.

Tiffany: There’s no way to fix it, Blake! It’s like you said Jessica, the past is the past. The only way to fix it is to go back in time and we all know that’s not possible. So just let me go and maybe I’ll leave in peace.

Phyllis: Da’Waylon, you let her go and I swear you’ll be out of this town so fast!

Da’Waylon: She ain’t going nowhere.

Jessica: I think I have an idea on how to end this feud. I can’t take you back in time, but I can take you to a place where you’ll feel so good and relaxed that the truth will come spilling right out of you. I call it my Zen Room.

Phyllis: Um, Jericka? No offense sweetie, but you look poor as shit. There’s no way I’m stepping foot anywhere near your house. I’d hate to get the rabies.

Jessica: Ok, my name is Jessica. And I’m going to pretend my feelings aren’t hurt, and extend my offer to you again.

Phyllis: Uh, my answer is still the same.

Jessica: (To Blake) Well then, I’ve tried.

Blake: Wait hold on a minute, this could work. I’ve been in Jessica’s Zen Room. (To Jessica) That’s a terrible title, by the way. (To everyone) The moment I walked inside it was like—

Random Ass Neighbor: Everything outside ceased to exist and all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and just release all our deep dark secrets so your guilty conscious can stop kicking your ass slowly from the inside?

Blake: (Confused) Um, who the hell are you and why have you been inside my sister’s room?

Jessica: Oh Blake, this is my neighbor. Joan meet Blake, Blake meet Joan.

Joan: Sorry to sound weird, I just overheard you talking about the Zen Room and got excited. Jessica and I have our session every Wednesday at seven. I can’t wait for the next one. I did something so terrible I’m just dying to get out. (Joan wanders off)

Jessica: See? One visit to my room and she was hooked.

Phyllis: You probably fed her some crack. Look, can I go? I really have somewhere to be.

Octavius: I’ll take you.

Phyllis: No! I mean, this is something that doesn’t involve you. I need to go myself. I promise I’ll go straight to my limo and nowhere else.

Octavius questioned Blake with his eyes.

Blake: Go ahead, but I’m walking you to the limo. Come on! (They walk to the limo)

Tiffany: What about me?

Jessica: Da’Waylon, honey, could you bring her to my place please? We’ll wait up for Blake to bring her sister to me and figure out why these two just can’t get along. It’ll be fun!

Tiffany: Kill me now, God!

 

 

 

 The Dealer

 

The setting takes place at nightfall in the neighborhood park.

Justin paces along the sandbox, waiting to meet the dealer.

 

 

The Dealer: (Muffled Voice) You better be alone.

Justin: Do you see anybody else, dude?

The Dealer: Watch the tone, young man!

Justin: Young man, what kind of dealer says young man?

The Dealer: An old one. Look, this is the first and last time we’ll ever come face to face.

Justin: Yeah, like we’re really face to face now. I can barely see your face you’re wearing so much black.

The Dealer: That’s the point. Listen, it’s time to up your game. You’ve sold out on me twice in less than two weeks. I have other stuff I want you to push for me. It’s not illegal, well not like the drugs are, but I’m sure you can handle it. More money in it for you.

Justin: What is it?

The Dealer: You’ll know when you get it. Got it?

Justin: Yeah, whatever. Hey uh, do you have any advice for someone who might have done something bad and someone else might know?

The Dealer: Kill anyone who knows. Or find a way to silence them for good. Trust no one. And stop being sloppy. I’m having seconds thoughts on your promotion.

Justin: No, it’s okay. It’s not about me.

The Dealer: You should know that I’m a trained lie detector. Even when I can’t see you clearly I know you full of shit.

Justin: Ok are we done here?

The Dealer: My guy will be outside your bedroom window in twenty. If you’re not there, the job goes to someone else, got it?

Justin: Yeah.

Justin sits on the bench until he thinks The Dealer is gone, then he leaves to go home.

 

 

 

 

The  Actual Zen Room (Part 1)

 

The setting takes place where the title says.

 

Jessica, Octavius, and Da’Waylon have tied Tiffany to a chair in the Zen Room. Blake enters the room with Phyllis.

 

 

 

Blake: Fuck Phyllis stop struggling, you’re no longer a lightweight, ya know? Shit.

Phyllis: (Tries desperately to pull away from Blake’s tight grip on her wrist) Blake don’t make me bitch slap the shit out of you again!

Blake: A little help here guys, Christ!

Octavius: Oh sorry babe, we got it from here.

Blake surrenders Phyllis to his husband and brother and falls to the floor.

Blake: I gotta get out of this room. Too much comfort and I might start saying things I’ll regret.

Octavius: Remember what happened last time. You’re such an idiot sometimes.

Everybody gasps. Octavius puts his hands over his mouth, letting go of Phyllis, but Da’Waylon gets her.

Octavius: Oh shit, where the fuck did that come from?

Blake: It’s the fucking room. And how dare you!

Da’Waylon: Will you two faggots chill the fuck out?

Octavius: Whoa man.

Da’Waylon: Fuck, this room ain’t no joke! Let me slip on out of here before I start confessing to all my illegalities.

Da’Waylon hurries and straps Phyllis to a chair opposite her sister and quickly leaves.

Blake: Octavius, please go and relieve Phoebe from babysitting our son. I meant to tell you when I first walked in, but it slipped my mind. She’s inviting that Fisher boy over. I just don’t like him for some reason.

Phyllis: Oh my God, right? I tried to warn Penelope to stay away from him, but does she listen to great advice? No!

Blake: Ok first of all, your daughter’s name is Phoebe, not Penelope! And second we need to start talking. In a matter of minutes you two will start to feel so at ease, so overwhelmingly calm, and just terrific all over! Then you’ll start talking. All it takes is one sentence and you’re gone.

Tiffany: I’ve been here the longest, so it’s already affecting me and I like it. I like it a lot. Phyllis, you’re still a stank bitch, but I like this feeling a lot.

Jessica: It’s good to see my room has that effect on you, Tiffany. It’ll come in handy once the truths start pouring out.

Phyllis: This is nonsense, there is nothing on this earth that makes me that vulnerable other than the smell of freshly printed money and the throbbing of my husbands—

Blake: Alright, we’ve heard enough!

Tiffany: The visual picture you just painted in my head of a hairy gorilla and a hippopotamus going at it like two elderly overweight monkey’s is seriously about to make me barf.

Phyllis struggles to get out of her chair.

Phyllis: Just you wait until I get out of this chair you ass of a cow!

Blake: (Pulls Jessica aside) Okay, maybe bringing them into a room that makes them tell the truth wasn’t such a good idea.

Jessica: It’s a great idea. We just need to distract them from fighting by striking a conversation. Oooh like about our childhood.

Blake: Well I didn’t have a great one because of Da’Waylon and little orphan Jessica!

Jessica: I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just shatter my highly enjoyable upbringing.

Blake: Sorry, I can’t help it. Like I couldn’t help stealing your diary and giving it to Da’Waylon to make copies. (Blake slaps himself in the face)

Jessica: (To herself) Don’t get distracted, just stay focused and get the girls attention. (To Blake) Your actions upset me, but they don’t define me. You are forgiven. (She hugs Blake)

Blake: Ok? (To Phyllis and Tiffany) Can you gals believe my sister is mad that I stole her childhood diary and had my brother make copies and pass them around school?

Tiffany: That’s nothing, I took Phyllis’ and had this cute guy I was dating sneak into the town newspaper and had different pages printed into the morning news. Ha! It was the talk of the town, let me tell you!

Phyllis: You cunt! Why did dad lie and say he accidentally threw it away and someone must have gotten ahold of it?

Tiffany: You know he always did love me more. (Throws her head back and laughs)

Phyllis: I think he loved your ass more! I’ve seen the way he looks at it. No wonder you were his favorite.

Tiffany: That is seriously fucked up and gross you disoriented chimpanzee!

Blake: (To Jessica) Wow they must really be running out of insults.

Jessica: It’s time to turn things up a notch. We need to get their minds out of the negative.

Blake: And how are we going to do that?

Jessica: Go get the serenity candles.

Blake: The what?

Jessica: Ugh I’ll go get them. Try to get them to simmer down, will ya?

 

 

 

16 & Dumb As F#$%

 

The setting takes place at Phyllis’ house in Phoebe’s bedroom.

 

Phoebe and her baby daddy Fisher have left Blake’s house and just finished doing it and now Phoebe is frantically searching through her closet.

 

 

Fisher: Bae, what are you doing? Come back to bed.

Phoebe: Can’t! Gotta sort through my clothes to see which ones to keep. I can only pick three of each.

Fisher: Why?

Phoebe: Because, if we want to be on 16 & Pregnant, we gotta look poor. You know they never film the rich people. Have you ever seen a success story coming from an already wealthy person?

Fisher: What about the Kardashians? And Tia and Tamera? Those people were rich.

really rich. And I’m sorry to say, but not even Tia and Tamera.

Fisher: (Sits up in bed) You’re out of your mind lady.

Phoebe: (Giggles and jumps onto the bed) No I’m so serious. So the only reason these “celebrities” get to play rich and famous is because that’s one of the perks of the organizations they work for, which are the commercials.

Fisher: The commercials?

Phoebe: The actual rich people, Fisher. Companies like Apple and Pepsi. They create these celebrities. They pluck out someone who doesn’t know shit. Someone who if they became famous it would matter to the other people like them.

Fisher: I’m so confused and high right now, dude.

Phoebe: (Giggles) Be quiet. Anyway, these companies shape and mold these celebrities but don’t pay them any more than the normal adult gets paid. Instead, the company gets richer and creates this whole celebrity universe with the fake amount the “celebrities” get paid, and the designer clothing they wear in order to attract our attention therefore making the celebrity famous. But in reality, they’re just like you and me. Well not like us actually because we’re actually rich, but you know what I mean.

Fisher: I think we should totally do it again and again. Maybe we can make another one so we can have twins.

Phoebe: You are a fucking idiot, but I love you anyway. We can try for twins, but I can guarantee you that’s not how it works.

Fisher: Sweet!

Fisher tackles Phoebe on the bed and they begin and finish round two.

Phoebe: Okay, I really need to get back to my closet. I’m dedicated to getting onto this show.

Fisher: What’s it about anyway?

Phoebe: (Rolls her eyes) Gonna pretend you didn’t just ask that babe.

Fisher: Alright. Don’t say I didn’t try to be truthful.

Phoebe: I need you to go home and do the same. Sort through you clothes and only keep three of each.

Fisher: Yes ma’am!

Phoebe: You know that girl at school who smells like sewage and shame?

Fisher: The fat sloppy one? Or the anorexic looking crackhead?

Phoebe: Crackhead.

Fisher: What about her?

Phoebe: She agreed to let me use her house for the audition tape.

Fisher: Oh, sweet babe. (He kisses her)

Phoebe: Yeah so all we have to do is pack the stuff we keep and head on over to her house whenever we finish. We have to give her family a two hour notice.

Fisher: So, we’re going to someone else’s house?

Phoebe: That’s what I just said doofus.

Fisher: Okay and that means no one is going to come and look at our houses because they won’t know that we live there?

Phoebe: Exactly!

Fisher: Then why the fuck are you about to throw away thousands of dollars of clothing? Just pick a couple of outfits that look totally poor.

Phoebe: (Gasps) I knew you were a fucking genius!

Fisher: Our baby is going to be so smart and good looking, He’s gonna get all the hoes

Phoebe: Don’t insult me, babe!

Fisher: Sorry.

Fisher soon falls asleep, but Phoebe is wide awake rubbing her belly and secretly wishing for twins.

 

 

 

 

The Actual Zen Room (Part 2)

 

 

Blake: This is getting nowhere.

Jessica: (Looking at Phyllis and Tiffany still bickering) My room is definitely working, but what the hell is going on?

Phyllis: And when you crawled your not so skinny ass through our window I was the one who had mom and dad waiting in your bed! God it feels so good to get all of this off my chest!

Tiffany: Remember Jeremy?

Phyllis: I already know you slept with him in middle school. You were practically glowing about it.

Tiffany: Ah, but what you don’t know is that it was while he was dating you. (Evil laughs)

Phyllis: Fucking little bitch!

Tiffany: I slept with Jeremy. I slept with Corey, and Jake, and Andrew! Every single person you dated, I slept with.

Jessica: Tiffany, how awful.

Blake: *Coughs* Slut *Coughs*

Tiffany: Say it loud and proud, Blake. I’m not ashamed! I embrace my whore-ness. You should too.

Blake: Hey! I’ve been with the same man since I started dating, thank you.

Phyllis: What about Roger? And Andy?

Jessica: And Michael in middle school, remember? Jordan when you went to summer camp.

Blake: Okay, damn! Shit.

Tiffany: As I was saying. Embrace it, honey!

Jessica: Ladies, was there ever a time you didn’t fight? Like, where you ever friendly?

Phyllis: When we were eight.

Tiffany: We were nine.

Phyllis: EIGHT!

Blake: Who cares? What the fuck happened to make you archenemies?

Phyllis: I already told you I’m not telling you anything.

Tiffany: If you don’t I will.

Phyllis: Be my guest.

Tiffany: (Rolls her eyes) This skank bitch caused me to lose my Bon Jovi ticket and as punishment Dad made me stay at home with mom!

Phyllis: I did no such thing!

Tiffany: Yes the hell you did!

Phyllis: We were in the playroom and you told me you forgot where you put it, but then I found it in the bathroom right above the toilet and called you. YOU were the one who flushed the toilet.

Tiffany: Because you told me to!

Phyllis: I told you NOT to.

Tiffany: Who the hell says not to flush a toilet?

Jessica: Actually, that does sound like a fair warning.

Blake: She’s right.

Tiffany: (Yells in frustration) My tickets flushed down the toilet and I was devastated.

Phyllis: Tiffany, I—

Tiffany: Just shut the fuck up!

Blake: I can’t believe your dad was going to take 8 year old’s to see Bon Jovi.

Phyllis: We lived a privileged  life. And don’t forget, I went. Best fucking concert of the century.

Jessica: (Notices Tiffany growling) Tiffany, is this why you sleep with everyone Phyllis has been with? Are you trying to get back at her?

Tiffany: Best type of revenge if you ask me.

Blake: Yeah, but it’s seriously fucked up.

Tiffany: You have no idea what I’m capable of.

Blake: And what is that supposed to mean?

Tiffany: Get me out of this room!!! Its killing me to stay silent. I want to talk so bad!

Blake & Jessica: Then TALK!!

Phyllis: Tiffany’s right! I feel so vulnerable right now. I almost told Blake I loved him.

Tiffany: See? Even the person with a chunk of coal for a heart has a heart.

Phyllis: (Staring at Tiffany) That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Tiffany.

Tiffany: Even though I hate your fucking guts, I guess there’s still that sisterly bond.

Phyllis: Tiffany, let’s explore it. Let me start by apologizing for the Bon Jovi tickets. I really did try to warn you.

Tiffany: I know, I guess I was just pissed that you always got everything you wanted and it seemed like I got nothing.

Phyllis: Are you kidding me? You got the first tattoo, the first hickey, the first pregnancy scare. I didn’t get any of those until the eighth grade.

Tiffany: You have a point there.

Blake: I can’t believe we actually did it, Jessica.

Jessica glares at Blake.

Blake: Jessica? What’s wrong?

Jessica: I just remembered Roger, my first boyfriend.

Blake: Oh he was a hottie. Whatever happened to him?

Jessica: You and Da’Waylon!

Blake: Me and Da’Waylon did wha—Oh shit. He was the one we sprayed with mace when we caught him climbing up the house to get to your room. Uh, sorry?

Jessica throws herself on top of Blake and starts trying to fight him.

Phyllis: Come on Tiffany, let’s put our heads together so we can escape while these two go at it.

 

 

 

 

The End

 

Was this not the craziest episode yet? Insults flying everywhere, catfights, new characters, and past discrepancies! I can’t wait for the next episode!

Also…Where the hell can I get one of those Zen Room’s?? What is this newfound friendship between Phyllis and Tiffany going to mean? Do you smell an Ultimate Sister Team-up? Who is The Dealer? And what is he going to have Justin selling now? What the hell is wrong with Phoebe and her baby daddy? Will they land a spot on 16 & Pregnant? Will Jessica and Blake make-up?

 

Tune in later to find out the answers to SOME of these questions and more!

Remember, life would be a breeze if we just took it…One Step at a Time!

 

*Drops mic*

 


© Copyright 2017 Jay Sims. All rights reserved.