an escape from my own heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
a short story about an abusive relationship and surviving one.

Submitted: June 26, 2017

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Submitted: June 26, 2017

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AN ESCAPE FROM MY OWN HEART

 

It's currently 2:27 AM as I sit here at my desk to tell you my story. I honestly do not know where to start, so I'll start where it all began. With none the less than, a boy. Of course it starts with a boy, why wouldn't it. Now he wasn't any ordinary boy, he was dangerous, he was hot, he was everything everyone warned me to stay away from. He broke hearts, played with girls emotions, not one good thing had ever come from him. But thats what I found most attractive I think. I craved the sweet scent of danger that followed him. I wanted him so badly that i disregarded all of my friends, family, and other warnings and dove head first into him. Now i do have to say, when it comes to boys, I am the heartbreaker. I've broken up with every boyfriend i have had, and I'm pretty much heartless when it comes to relationships. but this, this was different, he was bad, and i liked it. it excited me. So I had a plan. Catch his eye and make a move. It worked, obviously or we wouldn't be here. I got his attention with in three days of the new school year. it didn't take long for me to understand what i was getting myself into. only about a week later was i trapped. stuck in this endless cycle of crazy. we were "talking" as my peers called it. we weren't just friends but weren't dating either. i would flirt, he would flirt harder. he was always trying to get something out of me, a wild side as it appeared.  so were about two months into the school year, at the time i would never have admitted i felt something towards him, but looking back at was it strong as ever. he fell before i did, thats for sure. of course i wasn't the only girl who wanted him. as i was mustering up my courage to tell him how i felt, he got a girlfriend. this should of been the first sign that things weren't going to go my way. i should've stopped, i should've ended it right there, but i didn't i kept talking to him. growing more and more jealous every single day. Until finally he broke up with her. i was so happy i couldn't believe. this happiness lasted for about three weeks until he went after my best friend. she told him ask me out tomorrow, and she just kept pushing it off. i was hurt and jealous at this point. so i spilled everything to him. i told him i felt something. and he said it back. we were happy. just talking and getting closer and closer. everyone knew. we were buzzing around the school, and then just like that, the happiness was over. someone hacked his snapchat and screenshotted messages between him and another girl. those types of messages where you know you're in trouble. i was furious. how could someone do something so inhumane behind my back? how could he lie and hurt me the way he did? it was something i still dont understand.  i confronted him about it. he promised me it meant nothing, that it was a one time thing and would never happen again, and guess what i did, i believed him! i gave him a third chance beca- actually i dont know why i did. it was very unreasonable and stupid of me. but i did it anyway. overtime as he did this to me i felt a piece of my heart crumble each and every time. so we went on for a while talking and i slowly started to trust him again. that is until i heard something unfathomable about him. It was April at this point and this would be my third heartbreak caused by this one boy. he did it with a girl in the school elevator. now how sick is that? so i confronted him and once again he promised it was nothing and wasn't true. i didn't know what to think at this point. i knew i had to leave. that it was only going to worse as time went on. so i told him. i said I'm done bring walked over, used, and mistreated in more ways than i knew possible. I thought you this is good. we can move on and go our separate ways. that was until i received a text from him at 11:38 on April 4th. the text read as the following, "Charlie, my sweet sweet baby girl. I love you with all my heart and i could never imagine a life with out  you, nor do i want to live in a world without you. This is it, if you leave me right now you will never have to see or hear from me again. its your choice, you stay and i stay on this earth, you leave and I'm gone forever." He had put his life in my hands. If i left he pulled the trigger. It was sick every single moment of this relationship. but i stayed, i kept my head down and did what he asked. As you can imagine things only got worse from there on. i had recently started talking to this boy in my ski club, when he found out boy did i pay the price. i had a bruise from where he yanked me so hard. i was scared of him. but did i leave? nope. i stayed and put up with the physiological abuse. he had broke me down to his perfect pet. that crawled to and eagerly awaited him everywhere he went. he messing and flirting with girls right in front of my face, but if i so much as opened my mouth i was screamed at and told to shut up. i was broken and had no escape.  dont worry,  i got my break soon enough. the date was june 11th,  and he had two girls over in his room. i lost it. i broke down crying and i felt this massive rock in my chest crushing my lungs. with every breath i took it got worse. i had officially broke. i wasn't who i once was. i wasn't the happy bubbly girl i had been before this. now here comes the best part of all of this. one of these girls texted me off his phone saying and i quote, "stay away from my boyfriend or ill beat the shit out of you."  i was at such a loss of words and so broken by what he had done. I thought quite a few times if I'm not good enough for him, am i good enough for this world? do i even deserve to be here?  and that was that. he had left me. heartbroken. in pain. wishing everyday it could just be over. i stayed like this for three weeks, until i realized the only person who was gonna pick me back up was me. i got out there, i started to workout like crazy. i tried everything that summer from kickboxing to zumba. and i met someone new. a sweetheart. a loving, caring, and selfless individual. i carried on. i grew up. i learned. i learned to love myself, to love who i was and my individuality. i never heard from this boy again until senior year started. he came right up to me on the first day of school. He said hey baby i missed you. he acted as if nothing ever happened. i was stunned i couldn't believe. turns out his girlfriend left him two weeks before and he wanted back in my life. I promptly told him write there to "fuck himself" and i walked away. the proudest moment of my life. today i am here, at 3:32 AM, a year and a half later, sharing my story for the first time ever. I want anyone who reads this and is struggling to know that is gets better, i promise you. anything can get better, it takes time and a whole lot of self-love but you'll get there. i promise you.


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