Shall I Trust You?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Follow up to Crazed. I finally got the other half of the story. I refuse to say who I believe. I only wrote off the emotions of the story teller, not on my own.

Who to trust? Who to tell? Will you listen to me without judgment? Or am I better off staying bundled, hoping that I don't spill apart?

Submitted: June 27, 2017

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Submitted: June 27, 2017



Shall I Trust You?

Or shall I trust no one

But myself

And the secrets

That I lie beside


Will you listen?

Or will you judge me?

Am I better off

Staying tightly wound

Hoping I don’t crack

At the seams


She thought I was a cheater

A liar

A player


Demanding explanations



But one-sided stories

Are only true

When the other half

Is dead


And I

Am very much alive


Within every lie

Some truth remains


I only wanted

Someone to text

Cuddle with

Late night excursions


Our own little secret love

Not even the friend

I didn’t really ask for

He didn’t even know


Felt like I was lying to him

Stealing his crush

Even if

He never had a chance


But nice things don’t last

And nice guys don’t finish

They’re manipulated


Strung through the desire

Of love

She was playing games.

Me? Just another piece

On her chess board.



There is no end game

Not for her

I was just lucky enough

To catch on


Some like it

The manipulation

I don’t do

That sadistic shit


I want

No games

Just honesty


Maybe love will come


Our secret

Stayed secret

Told one person

In another state

She flipped shit


Why were we hiding?

Something wrong?

Felt like a hidden gem

In her wallet


Always thought of


But never shown


I was fucking


Of being a prop

Where was the love

I needed

I deserved?


Who to talk to?

Who to tell?


That friend?

Fuck that

He was one

Who approached

With arms wide open

He listened, cared

And then….

Everything was about him

His ego

His life

His lies


Who to trust

Who to tell


Already dreaded the mundane job

Didn’t want to fear it

A constant battlefield of landmines

Who knew my issues

And who would blab to the world

It was life’s version

Of emotional tug of war


Toxic relationship

But I loved the why

I don’t know why

I lock myself here


I can really only

blame myself

For my hurting

My own heart


She kept that friend close

Never told him no

His crush became

An obsession


A hore for attention

Kept everyone near

Close enough to see

But not to really connect

‘All on eyes on me’

Kinda gal



Didn’t trust her.

All aboard the sinking ship

And still…


Who to trust?

Who to tell?


Work piled up

Business was tiring

And the panic attacks

Were back

And so was the fear that came with them

My life derailing

Losing control

The moment of no return

Dangling in front of me


I didn’t want the sympathy

The looks that came

With the pity

The shame

The ‘why can’t you deal’


Didn’t have time for this shit

Didn’t have time for her


Ended things – abrupt

Could have been smoother

Not thinking straight

Or had my subconscious

Saved me from

A losing game?


I knew all about her

Her family issues

Her wants


The game that she played

That I wanted no part of


But I didn’t want to share

My secrets

With her


She was just someone to spend time with

To waste time

To fuck with



I didn’t share my problems

Not because I couldn’t

I didn’t want her to know


Not ashamed

Or afraid of the look

The pity

The worry


Didn’t want her to know

Because she’d laugh

In my face

Use it against me

Manipulate my bruised



There’d be this weapon

And I’d have placed

It in her hands


And for what?

To feel loved?


I needed someone who

Would understand

Who loved me

For my imperfections


Just another person

With problems




A life to live


And yet

She only saw herself


Maybe I was still secretly waiting for a call, text,

Poke on fbook

Maybe playing the game

Was a guilty pleasure


At what cost?


Like a forbidden fruit

I just couldn’t get enough of


Maybe it was time

Give her a taste of her own medicine

To let her feel



Chewed out





Chained to a losing game


But what would that make me?


And yet, it still came down

To the same problem


Who to tell

Who to trust

Or should I just rot with these secrets inside


© Copyright 2018 D. Nic. All rights reserved.

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