Love - Hate - Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 29, 2017

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Submitted: June 29, 2017

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Do you know what I did yesterday? No. You think you do. See, I told you that I cried and maybe had a bit too much to drink. Well one part was a total understatement, and the other part I had embellished a little. When I say I cried, I really mean I spent an hour on the bathroom floor wailing, screaming, bawling. I was just waiting to puke, but nothing was coming out, and that just hurt even more. I kept calling myself stupid, pathetic, an idiot, because that's what I am for trusting you. Then I got up and took 3 small shots of fireball and had a glass of wine. I hardly felt anything, just sick from the crying. The drinks did nothing to me, but I wanted you to think that they did in case I said something crazy or stupid. I also thought you'd pity me for drinking, knowing that I'm not like that, but instead you got mad. So, plan backfired. Just a few hours before I was absolutely certain, I just knew it in my heart, my mind, and my whole body, that you and I were going to get back together. I knew that the 26th, the day I've been planning for us, was going to be perfect. And then everything changed. You said one thing and it just completely changed my perspective. I had completely lost hope. And now I am completely broken apart. All I wanna do is lay in bed and mope, cry, tell myself that I hate you even though I love you more than anything. But you're just like every other guy, aren't you? You fooled me. Just like they all do. But I thought you were so different. You told me you were so different. Why do I keep falling for the same jerks? Why can't I be with a genuine guy that truly cares about me? You said you cared about me, and I believe you do. But not in the way I thought before. You don't love me. You love my body. You love having someone to lean on, to come back to when you're having a rough day and no one else to talk to. Gosh, I hate you! But I don't. Which makes me just hate myself. And then hate you all over again for making me hate myself. And then it all just keeps going in circles. I've never been so heartbroken. I've never been so angry. I've never felt more betrayed. I gave you my everything, all of me, all of what I have to offer. And you took it. But you didn't return the favor. I wish I could see you differently. See the person you really are. But the truth is, unfortunately, I still love you. And I still hate you.  


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