Necromancy For Dummies

Reads: 12763  | Likes: 25  | Shelves: 14  | Comments: 30

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

It's not easy being a sentient skeleton mage; especially when you have pesky, adventuring heroes break into your lair all the time.


Cover by Adam Dorman: https://www.adamdorman.com/project/goofy_skull/

Table of Contents

These Are Not the Heroes You're Looking For


They came to slay an evil lich and fulfill their quest as heroes. What they found was... not quite that.
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Demons: The Predictable and Cliché


What's with all these uninvited guests lately?
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What the Crux?


There seems to be a theme of spacing out into vision things. Oh, and another intruder. Yaaay?
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The Fellowship of the Jar


Questions get asked, jokes get cracked, references get shamelessly thrown around. It's Neet. What'd you expect?
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FHA: Failed Heroes Anonymous


And so their quest begins with the surprise guest appearance of an old friend. Did I say 'friend'? I meant 'dimwitted buffoon'.
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I'd Ship Them; I'd Ship Them So Hard


So much abuse, but this ship won't sink that easily!
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And In Rode Mr. Knight Shyamallama


Selia wakes up in Neet's lair. But where's Neet?
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Impractical Weapons Are Not Impractical, Apparently


Neet's cathartic release continues unabated - that is, until yet another uninvited guest shows up.
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Unholy Cow!


The Ghoul King has escaped, and Neet pursues him. After Neet makes his way to a hidden level of the Nine Hells, he confronts its ruler - and you won't bull-lieve what happens next!
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My Ship Sails On


The battle continues to wage in epic proportions. Will Neet save the ghostly damsel in distress? Will the bovine demon lord finally be vanquished? What awaits our sort-of hero? I don't know. Read
the chapter.
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I Can't Steven Right Now


Neet and Selia catch up on lost time, only to be caught up in another trap. How will they prevail this time? I don't know... maybe with a little helping of JUSTICE!
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Three at the Gate, One in the Bush


Now a party of three, our kinda heroes make their way to the Ghoul King's castle. What perils await them this time? More importantly, will Neet care? If you think he will, you're reading the wrong
story.
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Big Ghouls Don't Cry


"And I'm gonna miss you like a dragon misses their gold hoard, but I gotta get a move on with my quest..." Shut up! I'm not crying, you're crying!
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The Floors Have Hands


Our heroes enter the ominous Citadel of Evil Tropes, and Selia discovers something new about herself. Also, more shameless puns and references.
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Scions, Rhymers, and Chairs, Oh My!


They're off to see the Ghoul King, the horrible Ghoul King of Tropes!
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Keep Calm and Necromance


Faced with a terrible realization, our hero must look within himself. Oh, and the 5 Stages of Grief suck.
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Revenge is a Dish Best Served Ironically


At last, the hour of extinction has come! The Grave Lord has called upon his demonic armies to unleash them upon the world for the utter annihilation of all life... So where is everyone?!
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"Zombadin" is a Trademark of Neet the Not-Lich Necromancer


Neet's plans for the Grave Lord begin. Sit back, grab some popcorn, and read how the Grave Lord is made an idiot this time.
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The Signs Have It


What's better than getting revenge on a vengeful demon god? Revenge trolling a vengeful demon god, that's what.
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Roll for Deception


The Grave Lord confronts Neet. Will their rivalry, at last, reach it's fated conclusion? Will Neet finally get Selia's soul back, or will the Grave Lord have his long-sought victory? Pfff what do I
look like, a spoiler guy?
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Whose Life Is It, Anyway?


True to his style, Neet messes with the Grave Lord before their final showdown for the greatest reason of all -- an overly elaborate one-liner.
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Happy End


The epic saga of Neet the Not-Lich Necromancer comes to a close.
Read Chapter


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Recent Comments

C.A. Exline

I found this quite amusing.

Mon, July 17th, 2017 12:45am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Sun, July 16th, 2017 9:45pm

chris collins

Hey how long did this take you overall, and what inspired you

Wed, July 26th, 2017 7:42pm

Author
Reply

It took me a little while, considering it's outside my norm of genre. Inspiration-wise? It started with a friend's suggestion I try a parody of sorts, which I followed up with nerd-culture references (I am one, after all), taking after some trope deconstructions I've grown fond of lately, then adding a bit of 4th wall break which I love when done right. By the time I had the concept, it was a matter of taking what I think is funny and rolling with it. Hope you liked it!

Wed, July 26th, 2017 3:14pm

Brian P Baldwin

I agree with just about everyone here. I was half expecting the narrative to switch at some point in a long winded speech that someone would say, "Just roll the damned dice."
I wouldn't call this a Crit as they say, but I would have started with the vaporization of the Cleric. I like to start with a bang these days. But I will continue reading. And I think the title is fantastic. Drew me right in.

Brian

Fri, August 11th, 2017 8:25pm

Author
Reply

Very interesting input. I'll have to look back and see if that change could work better. Thank you for your feedback!

Sun, January 7th, 2018 12:04pm

T. E. Jackson

Hahaha, humor from you my friend? I hadn't thought I'd see the day, but you definitely managed it hahaha. Great job. I already like Neet, he reminds me a lot of a character of mine, who coincidentally was based off myself, egotistical aren't I? Hahaha. Regardless I'll be reading the rest of this story, as it's definitely caught my eye. After reading a lot of your more horror related works, I'm interested how you do comedy, so far so good my friend haha

Sat, September 16th, 2017 10:43am

Author
Reply

Thank you! Yes, definitely a step out of the norm for me, but it seems to be going well. Enjoy the rest of the chapters!

Sat, September 16th, 2017 3:46am

Angelast1

Hahaha...love the choice of words.

Thu, April 26th, 2018 6:06pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Sun, April 29th, 2018 9:14pm

Angelast1

I really appreciate when people write so it makes me laugh. The world is too serious already. I didn't read the whole story but just the bits and pieces are delightful.

Thu, April 26th, 2018 9:14pm

Author
Reply

It's my first shot at comedy, let alone a fantasy parody, so I'm happy I could make you laugh!

Sun, April 29th, 2018 9:17pm

C. J. Davis

Haha, I love it. Shelved. Neet sounds like some of the more irreverent NPCs from our campaign. Your style is properly dramatic and epic at times, but I love Neet's impatience with grandstanding.

I noticed a few grammatical and punctuation errors, I'll go through and Icomment them for you.

Sun, July 22nd, 2018 5:11pm

Author
Reply

Glad you enjoyed it! And thank you for the corrections. I'll get to those as soon as I can. Always appreciated!

Sun, July 22nd, 2018 7:41pm

Celtic-Scribe63

brought back some happy memories of my good old D&D days, way back when.

good bit of humour, the chapter was just a good size for some light reading.
think I will stick around for this one.

Mon, July 23rd, 2018 1:19pm

Author
Reply

Thank you! I still play D&D and it's great inspiration. I just finished the last chapter, so welcome aboard and enjoy the ride!

Mon, July 23rd, 2018 6:24am

Markie Bee

I like the light-heated approach to this, reminds me of Terry Pratchet's Death character. Very entertaining

Tue, July 24th, 2018 11:12am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Tue, July 24th, 2018 4:20am

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