A Requiem for Friendship

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

After I became disabled, I found out what true loneliness really meant, as my friends drifted away from me, unable to relate to the pain I was going through,


A Requiem for Friendship


  It took me just over a year to finally come to terms with the fact that I was now disabled.  What did I expect after being thrown from the 7th floor of my best friend’s balcony.  It was a young man I had never met before, and as soon as people hear my story they always ask, “Why did he do that!?”
Why do killers kill?  They get something out of it.  Maybe I reminded him on an ex girlfriend. There were no witnesses and it was dark out.  He knew no one would see.  My friend recalls that he very calmly walked in from the balcony and informed everyone that I had jumped.  He was calm and composed.  Got in his car leaving me for dead.  He probably got some pleasure knowing he was going to bed that night having killed someone.

In the beginning my friends were kind.  It took me 3 weeks to come out of a coma and they would often come by saying things like, “When you sue him you will get so much money!”  “If you get disability you are set for life!”  And my favourite, “You are still the same person.”

None of these were true.

No lawyer wanted to take on my case.I was told that because this young man happened to be a police officer and I had no witnesses I stood no chance.  The lawyers looking at me felt sympathy when they came to the hospital.  They could have easily taken on my case knowing I would get into debt but pay them well.  Instead they were upfront and told me the truth.

As far as disability goes, I received the maximum amount.  You may be saying, “You’re friends were right about that.  You are set for life!”  Not true.  I received $1, 053 a month.  With that money I would only be able to rent a basement.  Live underground.  I had just completed University and did not have a long job history.  So I was not eligible for anything more.

And what does, “You are still the same person even mean?”  Physically I am NOT the same.  My body and face feel completely alien to me.  Falling from the 7th floor and breaking most of my body left me rather disfigured.  
I no longer think, or look at the world in the same way.  I am simply the same person in the sense that I am the same person who came out of my mother’s womb.  Otherwise I am not the same at all and never will be.  The old Cristina was thrown from the 7th floor and died.  The body was put back together with screws.  

For a year I still believed that I would return to the way I was.  I attended rehab and practised trying to walk every single day.
I was so busy I did not notice my friends begin to pull away from me.  There was no big settlement.  They may have assumed I was to lazy to try to sue him.  
In the end I had to move.  My disability money did not come close to paying for the apartment I was renting plus food and medication.
If I could do it all over again I would have notified my friends to tell them I was leaving.  But I was scared.  The man was a police officer.  What if he found out and came after me.  Stupid... but who knows.

I moved into my grandmother’s kitchen as there was no room for me to be anywhere else.  After some time I finally had collected enough money to buy a computer.  I found that my facebook account had been closed.  Someone must have tried to get in to see where I was.  Well no problem.  I remembered who my closest friends were and I would just make a new facebook account and add them. 

My biggest worry was that I would get replies back saying something along the lines of, "Where have you been!  We were so worried."  I prepared myself for this.  There was however no need for that. 

What happened next would make me spiral into a depression for several months.  Only a couple of friends responded kindly.  Others deleted my request and marked it as spam so I would be unable to add them again.  I felt like a leper.  Some went ahead and blocked me.  These were people I grew up with.  I went to school with.  They visited me at the hospital.  But now they wanted nothing to do with me.  One former friend was at least kind enough to tell me why she deleted my friend request and didn’t want to be friends, “I am now a manager at McDonald's and I have a wonderful boyfriend.  I do not want to revisit the past.”
Am I the past?  People see me as the past and just want to forget.  We used to walk home from school together every day.  Have lunch together every day.  She was my best friend.  The entire ordeal broke my heart.
  I was more than grateful now that a small handful of friends did add me back.  By small handful I mean 4.  Nothing compared to the number who visited me at the hospital telling me if I sued I would be so rich.

So what was I left to do?  I lay in bed and cried.  My father noticed and asked me what had happened.  I told him how hurt I felt.  He nodded with sympathy in his eyes and simply replied, “This was God’s test Cristina.  And since your former friends turned their backs on you when you are in need and in physical and emotional pain, they failed the test.”


 



Submitted: July 02, 2017

© Copyright 2021 Criss Sole. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

kitminden

Friends are heartbreaking. The dreams we grow up with of such good friendships so rarely survive life's tests. I am so sorry they did not live up to their best selves. It is good to see you writing.

Tue, July 4th, 2017 9:34am

Author
Reply

Awww thank you so much Kit. It means a lot to me that you read this. I have found better friends on facebook. Ones who are loyal and stay by my side. I feel honored to call you one of them.

Tue, July 4th, 2017 2:48am

Serge Wlodarski

The new Cristina is an awesome person and I am proud to be her friend.

Tue, July 4th, 2017 12:25pm

Author
Reply

Well that just made my day :) I know you are a true friend, and I am so honored to have met you. Thank you for reading,

Thu, July 6th, 2017 7:37am

hullabaloo22

What a painful read! To think that people you believed to be friends could be so cold and callous. From reading the comments I see you've made some new friends -- ones that will stand beside you, I hope!

Tue, July 4th, 2017 5:55pm

Author
Reply

I hope so too. I honestly thought the worst thing that would happen is they would be angry at me for not contacting them sooner because they cared. But they moved on quick! I was out of the picture and I think if anything they were happy. Being disabled makes some people very uncomfortable sadly. Even if we shared so many moments, laughing, crying etc... non of that matters anymore. Thank you for reading dear.

Thu, July 6th, 2017 7:41am

Aquarius

Thank you for sharing the story of your ordeal with us. Maybe the reason for your former friends turning their backs to you was to show you that they weren't really friends at all. With that the time has come for you to look for friends of a different calibre.I would like to be counted among them. Sorry, I don't have a Facebook account. I had one several years ago, but close it because it was too time consuming.

With love - Aquarius

Thu, July 6th, 2017 12:55pm

Author
Reply

I do consider you a friend. Thank you so much dear.

Sat, July 8th, 2017 12:17am

Ethan Howard

A Requiem for a Friendship

What a powerful read.

I was intrigued by the title and was not disappointed by the content. The pain jumps off the screen.

A cautionary tale about friendship and those people who leave us when times are tough. This is a story we can all relate to at some point in our lives.

Thank you for sharing this.

Mon, July 24th, 2017 10:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for reading. I am still not over it sadly. I keep thinking one day I will wake up and get a message from them saying they are sorry and they miss me.

Tue, July 25th, 2017 12:24am

robert radcliff

A true story is often the most tragic. Hope u can be strong and have some decent friends....

Tue, July 25th, 2017 8:19am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this Robert. I do hope the friends I have now are more loyal and will not turn their backs if I am ill.

Fri, July 28th, 2017 10:43pm

Small Writer 12

Wow!
This is a very great piece of writing, I liked it too much and I liked your way of writing too, the idea of this story is great
Well done ^_^
~ sW 12 ~

Thu, July 27th, 2017 12:24pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much Small Writer. It was a true story and the actions of other people hurt me very much. Thank you for the support.

Fri, July 28th, 2017 10:54pm

Mazennino7

Cristina was the victim not only of their friends,but also by the community when she lives, the community which doesn't show pity for the pain of broken people.

Fri, September 22nd, 2017 11:04pm

Author
Reply

That is very true. Thank you for reading.

Tue, October 3rd, 2017 11:59pm

AlexBrewer

I can actually semi relate to this. People who are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin and the moment it gets a little rough they run for the hills. I personally have had one friend that has actually stuck with me through everything and that's about it. I know its not the same but I know what its like to feel alone. THEY ARE NOT WORTHY!!! I think you deserve better. (Love the writing!)

Sun, November 12th, 2017 7:10pm

Author
Reply

You are such a dear. Thank you for the kind words. And they really broke my heart. It was months ago and I find myself still losing sleep over it. I am glad you can understand although it is a shame you went through something similar.

Sat, December 23rd, 2017 9:32am

LeoShy

Great short story, and I know the feeling, believe me :(
keep writing, that's the best therapy. Nothing will come close if you're an old diary writer.
For that kind of person, it's easier to write, then to talk. Keep it up, can't wait to see your next work :)

Fri, June 1st, 2018 12:54pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! It means a lot that you stopped by to read this.

Fri, June 1st, 2018 10:25pm

jaylisbeth

People can be so cruel when you need them the most. I am so happy you have found true friends.

Sat, September 15th, 2018 2:41pm

Author
Reply

It was a heartbreaking experience and I still think about it all the time. It makes me appreciate my true friends even more though. Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment. I have missed being on booksie but i am feeling much better today and i will be catching up on reading your awesome poems soon!!!

Wed, September 26th, 2018 6:40am

Grace 96-M

Your father was right it was a test and they failed...our friends and family are those who stay with us through thick and thin...remember you're still alive which means you have a purpose no matter your physical situation!

Thu, October 11th, 2018 10:33am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much Grace! I was not expecting to have such a negative reaction from people who I thought loved me. It was a very bitter disappointment. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment.

Sun, November 4th, 2018 9:25pm

Ryan K. Mallegni

Wow, this was a quite a powerful read. It's unbelievable that there are that many fake people in the world. I appreciate you taking the time to write this as I'm sure it wasn't easy. I look forward to reading more of your work, Criss!

Thu, January 3rd, 2019 7:41pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. It was a tremendously painful experience. I really appreciate you reading and commenting.

Thu, January 3rd, 2019 9:04pm

Jennifer Lewis

You have been through it. How heartbreaking, that people wouldn't stand by you when you needed them the most. Unfortunately, I find that's often the case and sometimes wonder if we will ever know why. This must have been so painful to write, but you are so strong for sharing it. Thank you so much for sharing. Those people who left the 'old you' behind don't deserve you. Keep writing! You are very good at it!

Sat, April 27th, 2019 3:06pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for the kind comment Jennifer. That means so much to me.
Writing was all I had left to turn to, so it helped thankfully. This probably was the most heartbreaking experience for me. I have never before been so disappointed, and even though a couple of years have passed, I still think about it often. Maybe one day I will have closure.
Thank you again for the kind words.

Sat, April 27th, 2019 10:43am

RomanBoukreev

I read it. It reminds me of my situation with my school friend. He was suffering from oncology. At the last time, I did not see him on the street or wherever. I think he's dead because people with it don't live as much as ordinary people. His mother lied to my mom. "He is fine. He changed the apartment, received a new job. He could live in any place he wants to. I don't want to say where you can find him." Because of his mother, I don't know (and never know) where is his place in the cemetery. Okay, looks like he is dead so she could say where he is, but no. "He is fine and changed the apartment." She said no coordinates, even a city's district. I am 100% sure that he is dead and she lied.

Sun, April 28th, 2019 9:46pm

Author
Reply

Oh that is pretty awful. Looks like she is not handling things well. I think you were a good friend. It is nice you cared so much.

Sun, April 28th, 2019 9:45pm

MeadowlandGrimm

Thanks for sharing your heartfelt and honest story.

Sun, May 5th, 2019 1:38am

Author
Reply

That is very kind of you. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot to me.

Sat, May 4th, 2019 10:07pm

AJ Alexander

this was a bitter thing to read. i applaud your courage and integrity. you laid out the facts surrounding what happened after the accident and how you felt, yet you took no swipes at those who needlessly abandoned you. you are the magic that makes the world go round.

Sat, May 11th, 2019 7:02pm

Author
Reply

That is so kind of you. Thank you AJ. It means a lot.

Sat, May 11th, 2019 12:15pm

Cheoko

Holy Moly Wow I am glad I didn't have any friends when I became disabled. Well, actually I was with someone that decided she didn't want the
responsibility to take care of me, so she left. We are alike that's for sure I am so sorry they treated you so poorly. You do have friends now, right? I hope so you deserve them for sure. I really enjoyed your sharing your story. Thanks.

Tue, May 28th, 2019 1:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. That is very sweet of you.
I got lucky and was able to find a few good friends who can relate to what I have been through, and who I know will not leave if things get tough.
Having my friends turn their backs on me was rock bottom. It is something I still think about every day, but thankfully things have slowly started to look up.
Thank you so much for reading my work. It means a lot to me, and I will be reading more of your story. I really look forward to it.

Sat, June 1st, 2019 6:58am

Cheoko

I am happy to hear that you have trusting friends. I am happy that things are getting better it's wonderful when you do.

Sat, June 1st, 2019 7:35pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. I got very lucky.

Tue, June 4th, 2019 9:48am

Angel Snowflakes

Those people are such jerks! Set for life? Gotta be kidding me. Even if you were set for life! Freedom to walk sounds like a hell of a lot better deal then having money! Ugh! Honestly, this kinda hits a bit close to home as my brother is disabled. Though, he was born not being able to walk. But ya, your pretty damn strong for going through something like that.

Thu, June 27th, 2019 4:30am

Author
Reply

Aww, thank you so much for the sweet words. Thank you for understanding. It means a lot to me.

Wed, June 26th, 2019 10:38pm

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