I'm not a monster mother

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I'm not a monster mother

Submitted: July 02, 2017

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Submitted: July 02, 2017

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I'm sorry I never lived up to your expectations. 

If I can con+alt+delete 

Everything I've been, am, and ever will be. 

Program your beliefs into my database. 

Redefine my natural behaviors and create ways to. 

Reinforce my second nature into submission. 

Just to see you smile. 

I would. 

There's nothing I wouldn't give to hear you speak to me. 

In the same tone that you speak to my brother. 

If I had one wish. 

I would trade places with him for a day. 

So I can know what it feels like to be held in your arms. 

To hear the words "I love you." And for once come home and actually come home.

I'm sorry my father didn't want me 

Maybe in some strange out of body experience. 

He predicted what you now despise. 

And in a sense you can't blame him. 

Because I can't help replay in my mind the countless times that you told me. 

If it weren't for the benefits you would have left me too.

So what makes him any different from you? 

I'm sorry the only thing he left behind is an exact replica of his appetence on my face. 

Maybe that's why I wear makeup 

When you look at me. Your eyes tell a story. 

A sad tale about a woman who can't seem to make peace with her past. 

Because everything she hates happened to be everything that reflects on her daughter. 

And she wants so badly to help her move on. 

She cries herself to sleep at night. 

Contemplating in her mind where we went wrong

Trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. But there's always pieces missing. 

There's always those fucking pieces missing. 

So many questions left with no answer. So many answered paired with no questions. 

I'm sorry you cannot see what I see

I'm not a monster mother. 

I'm your daughter and I love you so much and it hurts so much and it's hurts so much that I love you. 

And when people look at me and tell me "You look just like your mother." 

I die a little inside because you always told me I looked just like my father 

And maybe that's why I wore makeup

So when you look at me

You wouldn't see him. 

You wouldn't hate me for looking like him 

You'd see me. 

You hate me for looking like me

Did you really want absolutely no ties to me? 

So you refuse to believe that I carry pieces of you inside of my genes 

"You look just like your mother." 

It's those pieces that were always fucking missing. They were never fucking missing. 

Because things can't go missing if they were never there in the first place. 

You took them from me 

"You look just like your mother." 

Well in that case I guess looks can be deceiving nowadays, can't they? 

They say God works in mysterious ways. 

I never knew why I wore makeup. 

When I first picked up a lipstick and placed it against my lips

I was looking at a picture of you. 

pretty 

And I so badly wanted you to see what I see 

They say I look just like my mother 

So when you look at me do you really see my father or do you actually see a reflection of yourself? 

They say we're our own enemy

So tell me mother 

When you look at me 

Who do you see? 


© Copyright 2017 Peaches. All rights reserved.

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