The Tortured Artist (Part...I have lost count)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A mash up of article, poem, non-fiction

Submitted: July 03, 2017

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Submitted: July 03, 2017

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After a severe deterioration in mood, I had a full mental break down and lost memory of it all,

Under a sky of silver stars, where the mood should have been merriment 

I lost all my senses, only a drop of liquor left on my lips after only a few

My mouth has been crammed with pills over the course of several years

But never have I ever known that what awaited me that night

I’ve swallowed many at once in order to silence my screaming soul

I’ve leaped from a great height wishing I had wings and longing for the freedom of a bird, instead my body fell like a boulder alike the worries and fear in my mind that burden me

At least the birds can still put a small smile on my face when the air is fresh with the season, but wings I certainly did not have and in my mind never shall,

There is no angel wrapped inside my body or looking over me, it is more a demon who taunts me, his teeth would be sharp, like the dark thoughts in my mind that unintentionally wound me and the razors of my past

All memories gone, erased like I would have wanted and yet that became a great distress,

Part of me has given up on health professionals I see them as I see that demon, greedy for anything but my well being

But there was one who did help a feather dancing in a breeze and thankfully I caught it before it was too late

 End

On a brighter note now I am not so bogged down, as part of his advice I was to take a walk today so I felt some sort of achievement, I did take a walk, straight into a liquor shop and had to laugh at myself there is a dark irony about it, an element of destruction is present in the bottle but it is by far not the only component, strange how things you enjoy can also be poison, habits, or love for another human where in a relationship can have a catastrophic end, I love you if you read this and it stirs emotion within your body, many people did not help me through this and were really quite cruel but I do not blame them at all because I know they probably have issues and fears just as I do but perhaps they deal with them better, perhaps they don’t and one day they will boil over like a brimming volcano, I hope if that day comes someone shows them kindness, I want to show you kindness, I love you, I may not know you but I do care because that’s what you need right now and I know the shadows, and I frequently dance in the darkness, falling and losing my way, maybe there is a brighter future, in fact I believe there can be, okay? But when we cannot see the light or feel the warmth I want you to know that we will dance together in the darkness and keep each other warm and help each other up when we fall.

<3


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