The Quest

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
JoAnne is moving to California to go to school. She overhears some comments made about her and takes them to heart. She meets a friend at her job whom she loves. She hates being away from him but her secret pushes him away. Will she live to be happy with him or will her quest for perfection kill her?

Submitted: July 04, 2017

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Submitted: July 03, 2017

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I was walking towards the airport when it all finally hit me. I was leaving home. It would be a long time until I had enough money to come back and I wasn't sure if I was ready. I can't leave, I had only been an adult for a year but when I looked into my parents eyes I could tell that they wanted me to go. It was too late now Anyways, college was already paid for and my dorm had been assigned.
"We love you! Call us everyday! Be safe!", my parents' voices were shaky from holding back tears. All I could do in response was look back at them and wave because if I tried to do anything more I would definitely have an emotional breakdown and there would be no hope of getting me on that plane. I turned around and started to walk towards the airport doors and as I did my bag slowly felt heavier and heavier and I almost collapsed to the ground. It was pulling me back to my parents and my home and everything I had ever loved but I kept pushing forward even as I felt tears well up in my eyes. The doors opened and I was sucked into the building. As I tried to navigate the crowded halls to find my flight the smells of bakery shops and fast food fled into my nose and overwhelmed my senses. The next thing I knew I was fishing around my wallet for a twenty dollar bill to pay the man who was the cashier at the Cinnabon.
 He looked down at my three cinnamon rolls and then looked me up and down and said, " I assume you only need one fork, right?" My face drained of all colour and I slowly nodded. I quickly paid him and got out of there as fast as I could. Luckily I hadn't missed my flight and I had a ton of time to enjoy by food because my flight had been delayed for another hour. I sat down and plopped my bag down next onto my suitcase. Immediately my hand shot straight for my fork and I ravenously ate my cinnamon rolls. I was planning on only eating one for now but when I looked back down only five minutes later I found only crumbs. I felt sick and so full. I got up and went to the bathroom, which was conveniently located right next to me. I sat down in the stall and looked at my watch, I had about 50 minutes left until my flight got here. I didn't have to pee but the pressure on my pants was getting to be agonizing so I unbuttoned them and immediately felt relief. It had only been two minutes when I heard the door of the bathroom opened and two girls walk in. 
"Oh my gosh, did you see that fat girl eat three cinnamon rolls!"
"Yeah, it was crazy I mean it's not like she needs any more calories."
"I would never ruin my body like that. She must have been like 200 pounds!"
"Someone should seriously help her and tell her to lose some weight." They both left the room laughing. As soon as they left I got up and opened the stall. I walked over to the mirror and stared. Were they right? I mean, I had always been chubby but not fat. Right? I was starting to question everything I had ever thought about myself. And then I remembered earlier at the Cinnabon when the man had made the comment about the fork. I looked down at my unbuttoned pants and tried to fasten the button. It took a lot of suck in but I finally got them to close and when I looked back in the mirror it felt like I was seeing my true self for the first time. I was huge. My fat hung over my pants, my breast sagged down to my stomach, my thighs were touching and were barely contained in my size 22 jeans. Even my face was fat. It was very round and I had two chins. My once bright green eyes felt covered by my fat and my brown hair was nowhere near long enough to cover my huge fat head. I saw a scale in the corner of the bathroom and couldn't stop myself from jumping on. I shoved three quarters into the slot and closed my eyes. When I got up the courage to open them I saw something I never thought I would see. 230 pounds. How was this even possible! I was only 5'4"! I ran back to the mirror and realized that it was possible. All you had to do was look at me and you could tell that I was incredibly fat. I stared for another five minutes and decided that I was going to be skinny. I would lose at least 50 pounds by next month, whatever it would take. 
As I walked out of the bathroom and back to my seat I glanced at my watch. I only had one more minutes till my plane arrived. I was almost at my seat when I felt something ram into me.
"Watch where you're going fatty!" The man who had just run into me was furious and yelling very loudly. I tried to get him to be quieter but he just kept getting louder and louder. I saw the two girls from the bathroom giggling and watching me. The man finally stopped and walked away and my flight was announced to be boarding. I quickly grabbed my things and ran to the plane. At least here I could be alone with my music. I put in my headphones and made my way to my seat. As I was shoved myself into the small seat I laid back and fell asleep.
I was having a dream where I was finally skinny and I had a boyfriend who loved me and I was very popular. When the seatbelt sign woke me up I realized that it was just a dream. The plane was about to land and when I looked out my window I could see it. California. But I didn't feel excited. I just felt a burning terrible feeling of despair in the pit of my stomach. Everyone there would be skinnier than me.
After I landed I collected my things and got a taxi to the school. It didn't start for another week but the college was letting students move in early to get settled in. It was already 6:00 and I had a job interview tomorrow so I decided to just put down my things and collapse onto the bed. When I woke up my watch said it was 9 in the morning so I got up and called a cab to get me in twenty minutes. I brush my hair did my makeup and got dressed. I got ready surprisingly fast and had five minutes to spare. My stomach growled and moaned. I knew I had said I was going to lose weight but the thought of the breakfast bars I had packed lured me over to my bag. What harm could one bar do? I picked one up and looked at the calories per bar. 
"250!? Are you kidding me?" I put it down and decided to skip breakfast. The control I felt in that moment felt so good and it made my morning start out better than any food could. The taxi was outside and I ran down to meet it. I arrived at the diner and was met by an old man.
"Are you JoAnne?"
"Um, Yes I here for the open pos-"
"Yeah, yeah I know get in there, put this on, and get to work. Tony!" A beautiful boy with golden brown eyes and long brown hair walked out.
"Yeah, Ern?"
"Can show this new meat the ropes? I gotta a court date I can't miss again."
"Sure thing Ern"
"Thanks, uh.. I be back soon, hopefully." The old man walked away and got in a cab. And I was actually glad that my stomach was empty because I would have barfed if it hadn't been.
"Hey I'm Tony, what's your name?" He held out his hand to shake mine but suddenly the world around began to fade and I was falling. When I woke up he was holding me .
"Are you okay, was it something I did, should I call someone?"
"I'm fine, just a little lightheaded from being nervous." I stared into his eyes and the blurted, "I'm JoAnne." He looked confused but then began to laugh.
"That's a good move there." He just continued to laugh as he helped me up.
"What's a good move?" I asked as I was dusting myself off.
"Fainting to get me to like you? Classic!" He kept laughing.
"It wasn't a move on you, I'm just nervous!"
"Really? That's a shame...because it worked." He leaned over and kissed me. I was conflicted. I liked the kissing even though I knew it was wrong but I was so uncomfortable with he hands touching my fat. I pushed him off and he looked confused.
"Listen, that was great and all, and I hope we can do it again sometime, but shouldn't we actually be working?"
After that day me and Tony had a permanent flirtationship and were very close. A month had gone by and school had started, which somehow made my diet even easier. I had not passed out since my first day in California and was eating as little as possible. I would only eat in front of other people in order to not raise any suspicions. Today was the day I would finally weigh myself to check my progress. I hopped onto the scale and waited while my thoughts yelled at me saying that I didn't do enough it isn't going to work. And then I felt so happy, I lost more than I thought I ever would. I was 160 pounds! I screamed, I yelled, and then I saw my reflection. I didn't understand. I lost 70 pounds but I still looked fat. I grabbed my fat and squished it around. I was only stopped by a knock on my door. I ran to it and opened it. It was Tony.
"I lost 70 pounds since I came here. I'm almost skinny! Isn't great!"
"Yeah, I guess but I think you are always hot, no matter how much you weigh."
"Sure you do. And I guess that's why you never invite to see your friends."
"Hey, I always invite you to go to lunch with us but you never want to come."
"Because I don't want to embarrass you, I mean look at me." I walked over to the mirror and stood there disgusted. "But soon I'll be beautiful."
"Hey you better stop talking like that or I'm gonna think you're anorexic." He laughed and picked me up onto the bed.
" Are you kidding! I am the last person you could call anorexic!" We both laughed until we fell asleep in each others arms. In my mind I set another goal for myself. If I lost 70 this time, I could do it again. I have one month so I am going to have to work harder than ever.
This time when I would eat I would throw it up. I exercised every day for an hour and only at night. I couldn't fall asleep anymore and would go days without sleep until it became too much and slept the whole day. My hair had begun to fall out in large clumps and I was cold and dizzy all the time. I blamed it on the lack of sleep though because nothing would stop me from being skinny. The only person I would see anymore was Tony. Sometimes if it was one of my "sleep all day" kind of days he would hang out in my room while I slept. It made me feel good. Not alone. It had been a month and I was going to weigh myself again. I walked slowly to the scale and stepped onto it. My heart was pounding so fast and I thought I was going to faint. I looked down and started to cry. I did it. 90 pounds! I was 90 pounds! I looked in the mirror and even though my teeth were stained and my fingernails were blue and my hair was falling out I could only see how I was perfect. I was skinny. But then I thought I can't stop now. I want to be 70 pounds, then I will stop. Then I will be beautiful. I was about to sit down in my bed when there was a knock on the door. Tony walked in and set down a bag on the table. 
"I thought we could watch scary movies and eat pizza" He smiled at me and I forced a smile back. I hadn't told him that I was still trying to lose weight because he would have tried to stop me. So I just threw up anything I ate with him.
"That sounds perfect, I was actually craving pizza." He smiled and started to set everything up and we both sat down on the floor and began to eat. I was about to finish my third slice when I started to feel sick. My head was singing "time to throw up JoAnne." 
"Hey I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back." I started to get up and than Tony pulled me back and kissed me.
"You know, I'm glad you stopped all this dieting. You're getting too skinny. If you kept it up you'd disappear." He let go of me and I smiled at him and went into the bathroom. The movie was loud enough to cover the sounds of puke but just in case I turned on the sink. I tied my hair into a bun and started to puke. I had done this so much that I didn't even have to try anymore. Every time that I ate something it would eventually just come back up. It was painful but pain is beauty and I wanted to be beautiful. I cleaned myself off and took my hair down and left the bathroom. I found Tony sleeping on the floor with pizza in his hand. I snuggled up next to him and woke him up.
"Oh sorry"
"No it's fine, come here." He scooped me closer and then stopped. He looked at me with wide eyes.
"What?"
"Nothing it's just...do you want more pizza or something."
"Oh come on I'm not that fat Tony." I laughed and looked up at him.
"You're right, I just meant... well...I can feel your ribs and spine."
"That's just normal. You can feel way more bones on ACTUAL skinny girls."
"What do you mean 'actual'?" He got up and had a very serious look on his face. " You did stop dieting, right? I mean you have nothing left to lose."
"Yes, I stopped. I came to terms with my chub and decided to embrace it. And stop talking about me like I'm so skinny. I'm at a healthy weight. I mean you just saw me eat three pieces of pizza."
"I guess you're right. I just want to make sure you're okay. I love you." I started to cry and Tony looked surprised. "What! Did I say something wrong? Are you hurt?"
"I love you too." I looked up at him through tears and started laughing and he did too. That ended the conversation and we both huddled together and he fell asleep holding me close to him. I began to think up my strategy to lose 20 more pounds without him noticing. I would not let any food pass me lips even if I was going to "get rid" of it. I would have to hide the food.
It was getting harder and harder to hide food and it sucked because I didn't want to stop hanging out with Tony. Every time I saw him, he brought food. I would hide all the piles of food on my plate and say I was so full but Tony would just pile more on top. I didn't understand. Did he want me to be fat? It had been two weeks and I was skipping classes a lot. I didn't have any energy and would get up only to take showers and use the bathroom. Tony was the only thing I looked forward to anymore and began to feel depressed. He noticed that I was still losing weight but he thought it was from the depression. After a bath, one day I decided to weigh myself. I wobbly walked over to the scale and dragged myself onto it. I had lost even more than I wanted to. I was finally skinny. I was 65 pounds! I dragged myself to my bed and plopped into it. I laid down and the whole world went black.
I could feel Tony shaking me and yelling but all I could do was twitch my hand. I couldn't feel anything in my body except for a sharp pain in my chest. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. He said he was calling 911 and wanted to scream no but I couldn't. Doctors would try to fatten me up. I just became skinny and he wanted to ruin all my hard work. He kept mumbling things like "Why did you do this?" "Why can't you eat?". I felt so guilty. I felt guilty enough to be okay with a hospital. I needed to get better for him. If he wanted me to be fat, then I would try. I just wanted him to be happy.
I woke up in the hospital. Everything was blurry and all I could hear was beeping. I felt something in my nose but just as I was about to pull it out I heard voices outside my room.
"She's already gained five pounds so she seems to be improving but I can't guarantee her emotional state is improving." I heard Tony enter the room and touch my hair. As he ran his fingers through it I felt a big clump fall out. I reached up and held his hand. He smiled and wiped the tears from his eyes.
"JoAnne?"
"That's a good move there." I tried to laugh but only a few hoarse squeaks came out.
"What are you talking about?" He started to laugh a little too.
"Rescuing me to get me to like you." This time I started to cry but I found even this very difficult. Everything was getting harder. I couldn't breathe, My vision was getting blurry and I couldn't hear what Tony had said to me. The pain was still in my chest but it was intensifying every time I tried to inhale. I started to moan which turn into screaming and then nothing. There was nothing.


© Copyright 2017 Karina Blossom. All rights reserved.

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