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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
He deserves to be loved.

Submitted: July 11, 2017

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Submitted: July 11, 2017



Where do I even begin with this guy. He's my baby, my best friend, the love of my life. It wasn't always like that.

I love him to death right now but there was a point where I just didn't care. Do you ever fall so far you just stop caring?

Had we met at a different time would things have been different? I don't know. I guess things happen for a reason. Even though I wish some things didn't happen at all.

I met him at a time in my life when I didn't know what I wanted, who I wanted or where I wanted to be. I was lost. He gave me a purpose in life. And he'll tell me, “I don't give you permission to die. Even in death you can't escape me.”

Where to begin?

Young and dumb. If there's one thing I know, it's basketball. I'm good at it. I would say that's what got me in trouble in the first place.

I had a friend that I would go to the park with everyday. She taught me new tricks and when we weren't playing, we were sitting on a bench on blue skies and sunny days telling each other stories of when we were younger. I had five siblings and she had one brother she spoke highly of. She would tell me stories of all the trophies he won as mvp for basketball tournaments. How he would make ridiculous shots and three point shots consecutively. I hadn't even met him yet but I was in love with him secretly.

A fight broke out at school and the issue was far from resolved. Two girls planned to meet at the park my friend and I usually play at. A whole crowd showed up to witness the brawl. It took about an hour for either girl to actually initiate the fight. And it didn't last long either. A lot of hair pulling and a few haymakers later and the fight was over. It hadn't lasted long and everyone was disappointed to say the least. They even tried to start another fight for no reason and I quote, “I just want to fight because it's fun.” But the fight was over and all that was left was a crowd of people, a basketball and a court. This is where I met the man that won so many trophies it filled his room. The man where his reputation preceded him. The man I hadn't even met but was secretly in love with.

After a long day of playing game after game everyone had left to enjoy the lake. It was nearly summer after all. The only person that stayed behind was my secret lover and I. I could've started walking home already and I probably should've. But the walk home would take about two hours and I was exhausted. Instead, I decided to hang around and play one on one with this guy who I'd heard so many stories about. We didn't say a word to each other. He spoke towards the end saying, “Alright last shot and I'm going home.” I was a bit disappointed, my only company was leaving me and the sun was going down. And I didn't even have a way home. Before leaving he stopped his bike in front of me and asked, “How are you getting home?”

“I don't know.” Was my honest response. “Maybe walk. Maybe call for a ride.”

He raised a brow, “Where do you live?”

“Mm.., if I walk? About 2 hours from here. If I get a ride, a few minutes.”

He looked away in thought. “I could give you a lift on my bike.” He suggested.

I almost laughed thinking this was a joke. Realizing it wasn't I responded, “Uhm, no that's okay. I'm good.”

“Well, I'm stopping by the store do you want anything?”

I shook my head, “No that's okay. I'm good.”

“Nothing to drink? You can get whatever you want.” He insisted.

I finally agreed, “Okay.”

I walked while he pedaled slowly on his bike to match my pace. I told him stories of my siblings so as not to be stuck in awkward silence and I told him of the stories I'd heard of him just to confirm they were true. He seemed surprised asking, “She told you all of that?”

And I vigorously nodded yes. He felt more comfortable and started telling me stories of his own. Even walking back to the park from the store was nice but I felt kind of creeped out. I didn't really know him and he kept insisting on staying with me. Even asking for my phone number and telling me it was to make sure I was safe. Naive me thought this was a kind gesture. He left and I was stuck at the park until 10 o'clock when my sister's boyfriend came through to pick me up. While waiting at the park we texted and he seemed genuinely upset that I was still at the park when it was already so dark and late.

We started texting and talking on a daily basis and I would hang out with his sister and casually ask her questions about him. She told me he was married and had a four year old son. I thought, maybe she has another brother. Nope, she's only got one. I confronted him about this through text. “Are you married and do you have a son?” “Yes and yes. But my wife and I aren't even speaking to each other. She doesn't like my family blah blah blah excuse after excuse..” And I ate it up. Partly because this is what I wanted to hear and partly because I didn't care.

A few months before this I had met someone else. We met through basketball, surprise. And started dating shortly after. He called me up one day and asked me where I wanted to eat. He said, “I only have this much money so you can only get this.”

I decided not to order anything insisting that I wasn't hungry. I knew something was wrong. After our meal he parked in the parking lot in front of the building where I lived and sighed. I knew it was all bad. He says, “Look, you're great and all but I don't think we have that chemistry. We can still be friends but this isn't going to work.” We'd been dating for one week and having only dated one other guy I'd never actually been dumped. What a wonderful feeling.

I went through everything, shock, denial, wanting to call him, there's something wrong with me, and finally not caring.

Back to this other guy, he wasn't any better. In fact, he was worse. After eating up all the lies he would ask me to meet him at a park early in the morning. He wouldn't pick me up from my house saying his wife would be upset, and he wouldn't even meet me halfway. Sometimes he wouldn't get up in the morning and I'd make the trip there just to find out he's still sleeping. One time I walked all the way to the park that was only a minute from his house and because he wasn't there I walked even farther. He called me and said, “I'm so sorry I was sleeping.” Well obviously. “Please come back I'll buy you breakfast.” I use my last dollar to catch the bus back and he hands me a bunch of coins. Nickels, dimes, quarters, pennies. Telling me his wife took his card. I lose my virginity to this guy who did nothing for me. Who only answered my texts or calls whenever he felt like it. Who used me for his own pleasures. Do I get any stupider than this? I do. He calls me and suddenly tells me he's leaving to work on the fishing boat for six months. He's worried that I'm pregnant and wants to make sure I get rid of it if I am. It had to get to this point for me to realize that he never cared for me and like the other guy, I go through another series of heartache and feeling stupid.

By this point I'm officially done being played. I want to be the player. And this time I'm not going to be the one hurting.

I meet another one of my friends brothers. He's younger, more naive, easy prey. I text him when I want, see him when I want. Throw in some flirting and he's hooked. I'm talking to other guys and the control I have makes me feel powerful.

This is bad timing to meet the love of your life.

He shows up out of nowhere from a different state and he's different. I can tell off the bat he's a one of a kind. But my past experience with relationships keeps me from getting attached. He's doing things differently.

He drives on empty to see me. Works 15 hour shifts and stops by my house after work. Fights with his family to be with me. Calls me all the time, texts me. Makes me laugh like no one else. Even after all the evidence I refuse to believe it's real. I continue to play the game but I start feeling something I hadn't felt in a while. Guilt.

A few days after I meet him and he asks me, “Eres mia?” I say yes with my tongue but not with my heart. Not yet at least. I meet another guy a week after being with him. I'm on a roll. I get ahead of myself, thinking I'm all that and then some cause I pulled a few guys without even batting a lash. The other guy I meet I actually start falling for. But then it's the same as the last two. He calls me when he wants and texts me when he wants. Tells me to come over but won't even drive to come see me. What's wrong with me?

I start to realize who really cares for me and it's too late. I've made a few too many mistakes. I start loving him and caring for him and fighting with him and for him. We move in together and life is great. But in the back of my mind the guilt starts to eat at me. I want to make everything up to him. He deserves to be loved.

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