finally (what i dream will someday happen)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
i wish this will happen to me some day. for now, i continue my search.

Submitted: July 12, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 12, 2017

A A A

A A A


It's right there. Just a few feet in front of me, wrapped around a low hanging branch of a large birch tree. But, I just. Cant. Reach. It. My arms aren't long enough, my legs too heavy to move even an inch further. My mind too foggy and disheveled to try and think of another way to grab it, weighed down the darkness all around me.
 
"Just let me have it!" I screamed angrily, thrashing about in a hopeless attempt to get closer to it.
 
After struggling and struggling for countless hours, I flopped down on the ground exhausted and angry, but still as desperate as ever to obtain it. I had spent 16 years trying to take it, but so far I'd been met with nothing but heartache and frustration. With a shaky sigh, I lay down completely, staring up at the black sky. It seemed to be laughing at me, laughing at my silly attempt to steal its most valued treasure.
 
"Give up," it seemed to whisper to me soothingly, "you will be okay without it, you've made it this far without it, what's another few years?" It laughed quietly again without an ounce of humor to be found in its sound.
 
I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, "Get out of my head!!" I yelled up into the air.
 
 I shook my head violently and took several deep, shuddering breaths. I hated the darkness. It took over all of my thought, my life, everything. I couldn't function with it, it overwhelmed everything. Tears welled up in my eyes, but held them back from slipping down onto my face. Why did the darkness have to do this to me? I was just trying to grab it, why wouldn't the darkness let me have it? I sighed hopelessly again, but forced myself to take a few more deep breaths. I lay there for a long time, waiting for myself to calm down. After several minutes, I finally forced myself to open my eyes. I looked up, squinting as my eyes were greeted with bright light from the sun. The sky was its normal blue again, with a few wisps of clouds floating aimlessly along in its expanse. I gave a small laugh in relief, closing my eyes again with a small smile on my lips. The darkness would be back again soon though, I knew, so I had to make use of the small window of clarity I now had.
 
I stood back up, straightening my clothes, taking a deep breath to steady my shaking hands, and trained my focus back on it. I narrowed my eyes with determination, studying it as I tried to think of a way to grab it before my mind was overcome once again.
 
"Why are you so elusive?" I whispered to it as I continued to rack my brain for an idea. "I see so many people with you, how come it's so hard for me to have you?"
 
I shook my head again, ????????????'???? ???????????? ???????????????????????????????????????? ????????????, I thought to myself, ???????????????? ????????????????????, ???????????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???? ???????????? ???????? ????????????, ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????? ????????, ???????????? ???????????????? ????????????????????'???? ???????????????????????????? ???????? ???????? ????????????...
 
And so, I stared at it. And I thought about it. I thought about what it was, what it did to those who had it, and I thought about my years of struggling just to get a taste of it. I thought of what it had made me, what it had done to my mind and my life. 
 
Then a new thought struck me: ???? ????????????'???? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ????????????????????????????????... ????'???????? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ????????.... ???????????? ???????????????? ???????????? ???????????? ????????????????????????????????????, ???????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????? ???????????????????????????????????? ????????????????....????'???????? ???????????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????????? ???????? ???????????? ???????? ???????????????????????????? ???? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????? ????????. ???? ???????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ???? ???????????????? ???????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????? ????????, ???????????? ???? ???????????????? ???????????????????? ????????????????..... ???????????????? ???? ???????????????????????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????????????? that ????????. 
 
My eyes widened as I realized what I'd been missing the whole time. I'm not in charge of it. I can't make it give me what I want. He who created it has filled it with what He wants for me, not what He wants for everyone else. Everyone else has it, but it personalized for what He wanted just for them.
 
And so, I closed my eyes and said out loud, "Give me what you would have for me then. I don't know what you have sealed in it for me, but I will accept it with gratitude and will use it how you want for me."
 
I yelped and opened my eyes as I started to fall face first towards the ground. I reached out my arms and caught myself before I could hit, whipping my head back and forth trying to find what could have caused me to fall over. I found nothing and slowly stood back up, confused. 
 
"What's that supposed to mean? Is that not what you were looking for?" I said, trying to project my voice upwards.
 
I waited for a few moments, but when no response came, I looked back down at it, still very confused. I was about to resume my thought about how to obtain it, when I realized something. My legs. They weren't being crushed by the unbearable weight they once were! I tentatively commanded my right leg to try and move forward. I yelped again as it shot in front of me much faster than I was expecting. I pulled my leg back and tried to move it forward much more gently. It worked, I took a small step ???????????????????????????? it! 
 
Excited, I tried to move more quickly towards it, eager to finally get a hold of it, but I almost fell over again as my legs started moving much faster than I could keep up with.
I threw my arms out to steady myself, "Okay, too fast..." I mumbled to myself, looking at my legs as if trying to stare them into submission.
 
I moved much more slowly this time, focusing on one small step at a time. Left.... then right..... left....right....left...right..left..right.left, right. As I was finally getting the hang of working my legs again, my head smacked into something, hard.
 
"Good grief, what in the -"
 
I stopped mid-sentence as I looked up, scratching my head. I had run into ????????. I practically ripped the whole branch from the tree as I grabbed it in my delight. I just stared at it in wonder.
 
I finally have it.
 
I finally have purpose.


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