Fuck that Library

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
It was the roughest times for us. We were both out of a job, out of luck , and almost out of love.
He thought I complanied and worried to much & I though he was in denial or he didn't worry enough.
Both correct in it's own right.
That day , when we switched up the daily routine, something simple & sweet perspired!

Submitted: July 14, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 14, 2017



Why? 8:30 SHARP, 6 days a week, we were there when the doors opened, to get a seat at the computers of course. It was Summer and everyone was at the library during the Summer time. It was one of the few things we had to dc in this town. It was a beautiful library , very clean and well organized. The staff was very nice and friendly. A big selection of books , movies, & magazines. 2 stories , elevators , kids library section full of games and activity books as well as the biggest science fiction section I've ever seen. The children area was painted orange and pink. Like the summers sky after the sun sets. The main computer area was a calm gray. The bathrooms were clean and they had very strong WiFi and up to date computers with webcams. It was like our second home. Money had been real tight lately. We were home without jobs. It had been that way for awhile now. Funny how before I never had a problem finding work. He was always on and off gigs but he could get one when needed and keep it long enough to get a result. I honestly don't know how we made it this far with absolutely no income coming in. We would find odd gigs here and there and somehow come up with just enough for what we need just in the nic of time. It was crazy and scary at the same time. But most of all exhausting. I can't lie it had been driving me crazy lately. The uncertainty, the never really knowing. "Just going with flow" is what he always said. If you're floating with the current than you will never go wrong " Yea , what ever that was suppose to mean. All I knew is that it was taking a toll on me and I was starting to wonder would we ever get our life on track. Even more so would we ever get out of this cycle of ups & downs , would we ever have enough and be finish. Was this what life was all about. Going and going until you are comfortable with the fact you'd never get there. Another day at the library. We were first in line to return our dvds we had rented the night before. The usual check out a book or two and fill out 5 to ten applications a day. Including sending in resumes and making phone calls. It was getting aggravating. It had already gotten old. I know he could tell I was worried. I'd talk less , laugh less. Complain more. At this point in our lives we had both been through enough spiritually and physically to not have a lot of worldly desires. We weren't interested in the latest trends or designer bags. Although we always found ourselves getting good quality things for unbelievable prices , at times even free. Authentic items. You could say we were lucky in that way. If only luck would follow us to our finances. I'd get dressed up some mornings and after we'd leave the library we'd ride to the city and I'd go to the temp agencies. I'd plan on going to three in one day. But every time he'd tell me "You're not going to feel like ,three in one day, pace yourself sweetheart , we're going to get everything we need when we need it ." And sure enough I would have over thought and been so full of anxiety as soon as I'd get finish with one 2 to 3 hour application and interview process I'd be burnt our. Exhausted! Was he right or was he jinxing me. When was our big break. And why didn't he try as hard as me. That day my emotions turned to anger. "Why do they have me come down and waste my time , tell me they have a damn opening and after alls said and done it's "we'll keep you on file and call you when have something that meets your qualifications". Ugh, what is it, I'm polite , I dress professional, well groomed, knowledgeable ... " It's not any of that , it just wasn't meant to be when it is it is, then it will be. He said looking at me winking. "I wish I could be like you and just not care about bills and finances and survival." I said intentionally pushing my frustrations on him who was in the same position as me. But all the stress was falling on my shoulders. "I care, who said I didn't care , he said this time looking serious. " You don't think I get disappointed to. Every time I go in and apply for something there's a big chance the big black guy with locks isn't going to even get that interview. And you on the other hand you've got skills and training and years of experience, you're beautiful..." "Beauty don't have anything to do with it." " oh but it does, to beautiful to be sitting at an office on the computer all day." "You're going for things you don't even enjoy , so do you really want the job, maybe they're doing us a favor babe." " I like to draw ,you like to play. We are artist." "Yea and nobodies hiring artist." I think my bashing and negative energy had rubbed off on him. He didn't say much that night and went to bed early. I know he tried and he called himself being true to himself but could we really afford to do that. We really couldn't afford anything literally. It was one of those 1:11 , 3:33am type of mornings. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop pacing , thinking about our future. The next week, the next month, the next 5 years. I finally passed out and didn't wake up until after 10 am. "Why did you let me sleep that long, the library has a job fair today at 9:00 and the computers are going to be full by 10:30 because it's Summer and... " Fuck that library! " he said and continued watching TV . "Excuse me " I said just now realizing he had cleaned up and was fully dressed. "Fuck that library, we've been going there everyday for the past 2 months nothings changed so lets change" he said He was right. I just got out of bed and did my daily morning routines. Being that I had already missed the job fair I put on a sundress. He had on his shades. "Let's go to the beach" "The beach , I said We can't afford it we're saving for... Aww come on its only 3 hours away that's $30 gas. I have that & some. Let's just do something different switch it up . Make today significant from all the other today's. " yea" "Yea? " "Yea let's go !" He was more shocked than I was. Since we'd been stuck I hadn't spent anything extra . Budgeting and Wording was driving me mad This little road trip was exactly what we needed. He got me a little hyped up before we left. We got slushes and played our favorite tunes. We ran into a thunderstorm an hour on the road. We had two more hours to go. We both thought about turning back around ,but it felt like it was a test to see if we would keep going? When we checked the weather and it assured us it would be Sunny at the beach all day. We kept pushing , why turn around now. And in no time we made it ! I had been talking about the beach all summer we just could never put it in our budget or plans We spent hours playing in the sun , sun gazing, riding the waves as if we didn't have a care in the world. And at that moment we didn't We didn't think about the lack of anything . The water was clear, the sand white and the weather was perfect. We were feeling so good that he Took out his canvas and started to paint. An old lady and her pet was near by so they became his subject. He hadn't painted in awhile especially a stranger. He gave it to her. She was so pleased she asked him to do a family portrait painting for her she handed him a picture of her family , she told him she was visiting her daughter who just a daughter. She asked how much would he charge . Of course. He was surprised and told her he'd have it done by next weekend and whatever she'd like to offer. Just like that he had a painting gig. He hadn't had one if those in years. Yeah I guess you can say he was lucky like that. On our way home those couple of hours had the effect of a couple of days. We felt so refreshed. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We crossed the state line at 11:11. Just last night I was us pacing tonight I was checking my email with my feet full of sand and my feet kicked up out the window. Going with current isn't so bad after all. If there's one thing I've learned about stress and worrying is why suffer twice. Whatever will be will be. Oh yea and guess who gives guitar lessons part time, at a very pleasing rate per session. That's right that lucky email I opened as we pulled up was a mother of three little rock stars. Who'd come across an ad I posted months ago. As for the library. We still go faithfully .

© Copyright 2018 Shretha Bell. All rights reserved.

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