Manford

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Review Chain
So um, this is a thing. It's satire that me and a fellow writer (Kenan Hodži?) wrote. It has some choice language that isn't for all so take that into consideration before reading. Also I didn't know what cover would ever be able to describe the story so it's going bareback.

Kenan writes bomb ass poetry so read it!

Submitted: July 15, 2017

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Submitted: July 15, 2017

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So, this is a story about a...uh...about a person who...h-he did a thing that...FUCK IT this is a story about a gay man. He was so gay no one would ever talk to him, got that? Good.

 

Anyways the man was not born gay; he was born like any other coldblooded American motherfucker. His name? Manlover Mannford. Therefore, People did not call Mannford, Manlover until he was about nine, when he started waving his prepubescent dick at his classmates in the gay manner of course. They all called him Manlover, fruity, fruit cup, fruit ninja, gardener, banana crammer and cockbag. Everyone thought he was a little glittery shit that should have been dropped at birth... his parents’ words. However, Mannford did not really give any of the two shits about that, he was happy. At age eight-teen, he finally found a man who understood him, Homosexual Horace. The instantly fell in love, in super gay love. 

 

Now a little something for the perverts out there…

 

About a month later, they decided to get down. Connect boy parts, like a two puzzle pieces that just quite do not fit. They had hot and steamy gay sex that lasted for at least 3 hours, basically, if you have not understood that. It was so intense that they broke the fuckin bed in half, the power of the love humps were too much for oak wood, just as Mannford’s wood was too much for Horace...it was magical. Their bodies were like Disney land to them, and we all fucking know how much die homosexuals love Disney land.

 

Were those words of much sexual implication enough to satisfy your perverted needs? Great. That was an absolute shit storm to write, you perverted pieces of wasted brain matter. 

 

They were happy together, but what happened then was about to change their gay lives forever... and it is not a trip to the pope, nor is Donald Trump involved. After some time dating a man came to their house, looking for Mannford. 

 

"Are you the dicklick they call Manlover?" He asked his voice raspy, like Horace’s after rough, gay, rainbow explosion sex. Diese motherfucker must have a heavy smoking problem. 

 

"Y-yes, how may I help you?" Manlover responded quietly. He tried to act caviler, but his elevator eyes got the best of him. This man was wear all black in the middle of the summer. What the fuck?

 

"We were informed about your residence and you need to come with us." The nameless man explained, stopping in the middle of his command to put a toothpick in his mouth. 

 

"Why is that and who the fuck are you?"

 

"Sorry about that, my name is Jarred NiggaFaggot and in the car is my friend and partner Mike Boomer. We are from the FBI. We have come to recruit your gay ass in our agency."

 

"What for?"

 

"To save the United States of goddamn America. ISIS is attacking us from every fuckin corner. Those towel heads are suicide bombing pieces of cock from hell." He said, clearly exasperated that Mannford did not know that shit before he said it. He spit out his toothpick. It landed on Mannford’s Jimmy Choo. 

 

"Why me? What am I supposed to do?"

 

"You are gay right?"

"Yeah..." Mannford answered, narrowing his eyes slightly at the country piece of ass in front of him. 

 

"Because you love men in the gay way, you must be good with all that hierocratic bullshit, right?"

 

"I mean I love peace on Earth. Can I bring my boyfriend too?"

 

"Oh, you’re dating someone?"

 

"Proudly for 8 months."

 

"Holy shit I’m going to fucking vomit. I’m going to fucking puke."

 

Then, Mannford and Horace left with Jarred and Mike to the FBI headquarters to think of a plan. They were left with ass, nothing, not a damn thing...so the strategy was total nuclear warfare over the ISIS territory. It was all kinds of Hiroshima and Nagasaki up in Syria. The plan actually worked and the ISIS forces stopped attacking for some time. The FBI thanked the gay couple anyway even though they didn’t do jack-diddly shit to begin with.

 

~Epilogue~

 

After that whole fiasco with ISIS, they went straight home. At home, they decided their gay love needed to be more...permanent. Mannford bought the ring and Horace did literally everything else. It accorded with the law...somehow. Many people were invited, even NiggaFaggot. The wedding was the best thing since 9/11... *coughs* I mean sliced bread.

The décor was top, which had its irony since a bottom designed it. The flowers, the cake, the colour patterns were all ready and fucking amazing. it was truly a wedding for kings.  Of course, this happy moment did not go unspoiled, Westboro Baptist bitches protested with their “god hates fags” signs and their inbred children. However, Mannford and Horace did not give any of the fucks, they ignored the jealous Jesus lovers and performed oral manipulation of the genitals right on their rainbow wedding cake. Why? Because that is exactly what happens at gay weddings, a shit ton of gay stuff.  They lived happy and gay for the rest of their lives.

 


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