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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

This first chapter is my life in a nutshell. I'm basically going on a rant about it. Hoping it catches your attention. Next chapter should be better.

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Stuck

Submitted: July 17, 2017

Reads: 246

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Submitted: July 17, 2017



I feel lost.  I feel like there is no hope.  Nobody likes me.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I have no friends. Strangers talk to me when I initiate the conversation.  People at my church life talk to me, but their older. Friends?  I'll say they are more like acquaintences.  After all, they are people in the church, so it is their duty to love.  It is their duty to talk to me.  We don't hang out.  They don't take time to talk to me.  Well, unless we have a group together that I don't put together, I go for something to do.  But I always feel like the outcast when I do.  

Church isn't suppose to feel like that.  But I'm stuck.  I've been brought up in this church my whole life.  I can't leave.  Family goes there.  People are nice.  I enjoy it.  Besides the hope I feel in church, outside of church there is no hope.  

I smoke.  Sure, only at work or outside of church.  It's the only thing that actually makes sense.  It makes me feel good about myself.  I make descent money at work.  I have enough money to buy just about anything I want.  Money isn't the issue.  I hear so many people saying only if I had money things would be better.  It's more than money, it's real relationships.  I have none.  

I suppose I'm pretty good looking.  Long blond hair, blue eyes, average weight, 169 lbs, average height, 5'9.  Dreamy? Perhaps.  But I can't get a girl for the life of me.  Nobody wants me.  Sure, perhaps I'm not a good conversationist.  But I'm kind.  I'm nice.  I enjoy buying gifts for others.  

Perhaps people abuse me because of the money I make?  I'm stuck.  Usually when people feel like this they turn to a church.  I'm in church.  I tried the bar/club scene.  Got so drunk I crashed my car.  Nothing seems to work.  

Stuck.  Sort of like being in a dream when someone is chasing you and all you can do is run in slow motion.  Stuck.  

I'm not suicidal.  But perhaps that's the answer?  I need more.  I need real-friends.  I want my own family with a big house, perhaps 3 children and a dog running around in the yard.  One of those houses with the white picket fence and flowers along the edge of it.  Isn't that everyone's dream?  I'm ready.  Seems like everyone wants that with other people, not me.  I'm 37.  Time is running out?  I'm stylish.  I buy all my clothes from the most expensive department store in the mall called The Buckle.  I drive a nice car.  But I'm stuck.  

Hope.  Hah.  Just a word to make people feel good about life.  Perhaps a word to help people "hang in there."  Love.  Our culture has changed it so many times that nobody knows what true love is anymore. Truth.  What is truth?  Is it not what is relevant to today's culture?  

This is my life.  Tired of people telling me how to live my life.  I'm so lost with God in my life and I'm even more lost without God in my life.  Stuck.  

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