Love Rants

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
If you wanna help me out by adding some comments that would be super helpful, this is just here for me to kind of express myself here and figure out how I really feel about this guy.

Submitted: July 17, 2017

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Submitted: July 17, 2017

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Shane Rants

 

Okay so instead of losing my shit with Shane because were not dating and I’m that petty. Some guy drove 4 hours to hang out with Shane lol, but hey I can’t drive 30 minutes to go pick him up and hang out, how fucking cool is that. Like? It’s fucking wicked. I swear to god the more I show that I’m interested in him he’s like oh look at these 30 other people who I’m talking to, aren’t they fucking adorable lol, you’re such a pal Grayson. 

 

What’s fucked up to me I think is that I have so much love for him and it’s so blatantly clear that he has no love for me. And for the first time in a relationship I didn’t do anything wrong, the breakup was all on him but what’s so fucked Is that I feel the worst about this breakup out of all of them. I have no fucking clue why and I have no clue why I still love him. Like I shouldn't. At all, yet here we are!!!! 

 

I really don’t know why he has such a hold on me. Maybe its the mutual love thing, I mean thats what he tells me anyway. However I did feel love with him, thats what kinda crazy, we fell in love so fast and so hard but we both felt it, maybe thats what kills me the most is that we both loved each other and now I’m the only one with love.

 

Maybe the breakup still breaks me up a little bit to. We broke up because he said he needed time, he needed to work on himself. I told him I understood but he didn’t have to grow alone, its scary to do that and I wanted to be there for him but he told me over and over he didn’t want to date anyone right now, he wanted to grow on his own figure out who he is. We kissed and hugged goodbye and that was it. 

 

A few weeks later I found myself in a bad situation, bad bad. Bad to the point of where I was crying on the side of the road having a panic attack at 3 am bad. Shane was the only one who answered and came to save me, he saved me, truly saved me. But to my surprise he rolled up with a man name Tyler. After he calmed me down and talked me down I asked him why he was with someone new. Especially why did he bring him with him to my savior, I mean fuck the first time I meet this man is the time where my heart rate is at 186 and I’m sobbing. He told me they were friends but recently started dating. I asked I thought he didn’t want to date anyone he told me “I didn’t plan on it, he just told me ‘you don’t have to grow alone’” on comes the second flood of tears. That was the same thing I said to him and the reason he said no to me. I felt crushed all over again. 

 

I need to give up on him, I need to stop loving him but I can’t. I don’t know how. I miss the goodnight kisses he would give me, the call me as soon as you get in your car so we can still talk. The lets cuddle, the lets fall asleep and nap together because I’m just happy when I’m with you. Now thats all over and I’m clinging onto nothing, Im holding onto a memory thats fading away. Love is the one thing that kills me and I love this man. 


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