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Submitted: July 20, 2017
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I like the concept for the story. Most of it does seem well written, but your pacing is a bit weird. There seems like you want to get to a part of the story, so you spend very little time with transition scenes. I got a little lost a bit and it was a bit difficult to connect with at the characters. But it still was good, great job
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Thanks for the comment, dgraham742! Can you let me know which parts felt weird and were starting to get a little confusing? I wasn't sure if it would be boring to focus on what the characters were doing. I thought the dialogue would be more interesting, but want to fix it so it flows better. Thanks again for the critique!
Mysterious book leading a young man on a quest to get the girl of his dreams, let me think. "American Pie The Book of Love" . Just had to say that, but it is a good start. I noticed somethings that needed fixed. I'll try to indicate them later just late right now. I hope you continue and I was only joking at the beginning of this.
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Thanks for the reply, Gypsy! Working on Chapter Two for next week. Will fix whatever mistake you found! Don't worry, I laughed at the comparison! Never thought of those similarities!
Vividly written and very promising, with an interesting premise and a multitude of characters. A bit too fast-paced for some readers - the relentless dialogue doesn't live much room for description and background. But I imagine that is intentional, like a "shock effect", and you'll slow down in the next chapter :-) Or I'm getting old and my brain is not what it used to be :( Or both :) In any case - strong writing, good dialogue, professional and challenging - looks like the sky's the limit for this one! :-)
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