Table of Contents
Submitted: July 20, 2017
Recent Comments
I like the concept for the story. Most of it does seem well written, but your pacing is a bit weird. There seems like you want to get to a part of the story, so you spend very little time with transition scenes. I got a little lost a bit and it was a bit difficult to connect with at the characters. But it still was good, great job
Author
Reply
Thanks for the comment, dgraham742! Can you let me know which parts felt weird and were starting to get a little confusing? I wasn't sure if it would be boring to focus on what the characters were doing. I thought the dialogue would be more interesting, but want to fix it so it flows better. Thanks again for the critique!
Mysterious book leading a young man on a quest to get the girl of his dreams, let me think. "American Pie The Book of Love" . Just had to say that, but it is a good start. I noticed somethings that needed fixed. I'll try to indicate them later just late right now. I hope you continue and I was only joking at the beginning of this.
Author
Reply
Thanks for the reply, Gypsy! Working on Chapter Two for next week. Will fix whatever mistake you found! Don't worry, I laughed at the comparison! Never thought of those similarities!
Vividly written and very promising, with an interesting premise and a multitude of characters. A bit too fast-paced for some readers - the relentless dialogue doesn't live much room for description and background. But I imagine that is intentional, like a "shock effect", and you'll slow down in the next chapter :-) Or I'm getting old and my brain is not what it used to be :( Or both :) In any case - strong writing, good dialogue, professional and challenging - looks like the sky's the limit for this one! :-)
Booksie Popular Content
-
Shelves: 10
-
Shelves: 11
-
Shelves: 7
-
Shelves: 10
-
Shelves: 8
-
Shelves: 15
Other Content by Diddy
Book / Young Adult
dgraham742