Emperor Gelgazor Falls

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The universe's tyrannical Emperor is finally defeated! Rejoice!

Submitted: July 21, 2017

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Submitted: July 21, 2017

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Emperor Gelgazor Falls

 

Earth was spinning in the same motion it always had, doing what it always did. Plants grew, water waved and creatures creatured.

The vast, black emptiness didn’t feel like being empty today, however, and a boom of thousands of starships of crazy colours and shining lights zoomed into the solar system, zipping around at impossible speed, and the humans of the earth screamed and marvelled at the sudden appearance of hundreds and hundreds of alien spaceships. The galaxy had been silent for the whole of Earth’s existence, and now aliens had appeared by the thousands. Before any of them could rally together to discuss what was happening, hundreds of the spaceships landed all across the planet, landing on the surface as quickly and gracefully as butterflies. All the ships were different. Some were bigger than skyscrapers, others were as small as cars. Some were incredibly complex shapes never before witnessed by humanity, others were little more than 2D squares.

Swarms of aliens exited their vehicles, and all were just as varied and peculiar as their vehicles. They were tall, short, fat, skinny, slimed, scaled, 2D, 4D, tentacled, burning, frozen, impossibly possible and possibly impossible. They were all cheering and yelling, and none of it was aggressive. It was immediately clear that these aliens were in celebration. Aliens activated their translation hardware and communicated with the humans, speaking in ‘primitive human languages’ and trying to get along with the locals.

‘I can’t believe they did it!’ a bug-eyed alien with a hundred weeping feet told a terrified teenager somewhere in Ireland. It put a jovial robotic arm around the boy and didn’t notice his discomfort at all. ‘Gelgazor, dead at last! A million billion years of darkness has ended. Assimilate some Squirch with me, boy!’ The alien attempted to force a jellied plant into the boy’s ear, but the teenager broke free of the robotic grip and sprinted into the distance. The alien shrugged and moved towards an old lady instead, who had fainted.

In Singapore, a purple alien made up of a million tiny versions of itself chatted to a group of young ladies, all of whom were screaming and trying to climb out the window. ‘The Universal Frontier… demolished,’ he cried, ‘I never thought I’d live to see the day. Their tyrannical rule, their oppressive regime… demolished! Democracy can return to the whole universe. I could cry with happiness.’ And then he did cry, and his acidic blue tears melted through the floor.

Meanwhile, in the Australian outback, a lizardman sat inside the circle of a mob of confused kangaroos, drinking some fiery liquid, his squinting eyes sullen and sad. He regaled his tale to the beasts, who sniffed one another and blinked stupidly. ‘Had the Resistance fighters only won the battle six thousand years earlier,’ he woed, ‘the Cromble Galaxy would still be here. They, more than any other galaxy, would have revelled in Gelgazor’s death. Instead, that madman blew them all up with that terrible weapon…’ He lifted up his drink to the sky, where spaceships seemed to jive. ‘Here’s to the Cromble Galaxy... may they forever snoggle the snerp.’ He drank hard.

In Canada, Bagglesnurg boasted to some fellow alien partyers. ‘Yes, I knew the Resistance well. Me and Captain Hepper went out snabbling once.’

‘You never met him,’ said Glep. ‘I hear he spent his days prior to joining the resistance raiding pirate ships and conning the Skull People.’

‘That’s just a myth,’ said Frumpyperp. ‘He was a prisoner of The Silent for nearly twenty years. Check it, it’s public record, now that the Universal Frontier has been defeated.’

‘Everything’s going to change now,’ said Bagglesnurg, and he looked right at Mr. and Mrs. Jones, who were sobbing in the corner of their bedroom as these three alien creatures babbled. ‘Hear that, humans? Everything’s going to be OK now! The Resistance… they finally located all seven of the Doom Gems and finally managed to overthrow the Emperor! What lengths they went to, what adventures they had!’

The three aliens held up their various limbs. ‘To Captain Hepper! To Jairoe! To Lady Resh!’

‘Don’t forget General Herzer,’ Glep reminded them all. ‘Although a longtime foe of the resistance, his eventual allegiance to the resistance was paramount in their victory… may he rest in peace.’

‘To General Herzer,’ they all cried, and then laughed.

‘Whoever thought we’d be saying that?’ chortled Glep.

For many hours did the aliens party and rave on Earth, and for many hours were the humans screaming and running. One by one, the aliens departed in their spaceships, waving everyone goodbye and thanking them for their hospitality. Humanity was told multiple times how everything was going to be so much better, how lucky they all were, and they need not be afraid any more. When the last ship left, there was a collective stunned silence all across planet Earth.

One little girl in South Africa tugged on her speechless mother’s dress and said, ‘Mummy, what’s a “Emperor Gelgazor”?’

 


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