Actions speak louder than words.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 23, 2017

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Submitted: July 23, 2017

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I’m not gonna lie but I took a day off yesterday because I wanted to come up with a way to manage our situation a lot better. I was miserable for days thinking about what’s going on between the two of us. I thought that avoiding you would solve the issue but it didn’t. You know what the issue is?
 
Remember the time I talked to you about not wanting to talk to you and I had a change of heart because I said I was nice. And that’s what I did. I didn’t necessarily say I wanted to make friends with you but I hinted at that. I wanted to make friends because the people I usually talked with were gone so I was a bit dismayed. And you were the only one left that I could imagine making friends with.
 
However, how many times did I ask you why you were so weird? I apologize but I noticed it. Three times, four times? You wanna know why I asked it? Because I had expected that you would talk to me instead of “flirting” with me. Yes, flirting. I remember saying “I was just responding to you” (and your behavior) when you commented on me being weird as well.
I tried talking to you like “How you’re doing and everything” every once in a while. But our conversations didn’t seem to flow as easily as it should have been. Most of the time it’s one- directional. It’s about you. The majority of our interactions are purely based on flirtations and that’s the troubling part. Why would someone like you flirt with me?
 
You remember the time when you were wearing your cap and a short-sleeved shirt and shorts. You were the only one wearing shorts. It was the first day that I truly noticed you. You looked at me several times that day as if you were waiting for me to respond to you. I was weirded out about it because I don’t usually look at people like that. But as days went on, I noticed you more and more looking at me so I finally gave in. Sometimes, I feel jealousy coming from you when I talk to certain people. I thought that if I would flirt back we would easily just talk, but alas, it became a cycle of avoiding and being nice to each other. I tried avoiding you because I thought that you would understand that we shouldn’t flirt anymore. But you always showed up in the end - as if you did something wrong and you wanted to apologize but you didn’t really do anything. And that’s the problem--- you didn’t do anything. I expected you to talk to me instead of flirting with me. I expected conversations. Hence, the “come here” gesture.
 
You know what I thought about this whole experience? I thought you liked me. And you probably thought the same thing about me. Why condone it when I have been trying to avoid you? It’s an antithesis to your hypermasculine behavior. It was to me very unexpected. But I’m partly to blame for this miserable situation. I know that you have been thinking about this too. But here I am open and willing to talk to you. I asked you once if you wanted to hang out with me and you said “yes”. But I haven’t heard from you about it since. I assumed that you actually didn’t want to make friends with me. And yet in the corner of my eye, I still see you watching me. Why is that?
 
Can’t you just talk to me and forget this whole thing? Because that’s how I usually make friends. I just talk.


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