Words From The Heart Of An Introverted Soul

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Introvert: a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with that of external things.
-Take a ride on my emotional rollar coaster through different seasons of my life, heart and mind.

Submitted: July 24, 2017

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Submitted: July 24, 2017

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I've always liked to think of myself as a writer

A good one at that

Words have never come easy to me though

I've always complimented that issue as the struggle for all great writers

Truth is

As profound as some of my thoughts are

I never felt they were reader worthy

Ink is permanent

And I wanted to leave a mysterious masterpiece on this earth that would be respected.

 

I am always chasing perfection

I scribble a sentence or two

Maybe even a sentence that fills a whole page

Just to later rip the leaf from the branch

Before long the book appears thinned

No longer supported by a luscious spine

One might think

This writer has something to hide

Hence the jagged tears from my book...they are many

Truth is

I was never sure if I truly wanted my words to be heard

Read

Known

Someone else’s eyes searching my thoughts

Untangling my spaghetti

But what worth is experience if I just hoard it away

And so what if these words never travel the earth

Maybe they were only meant for me

Or you

-HB

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Don't Blink

Life is moving too quickly 

I'm afraid to blink for too long and then be fifty 

What once was 

No longer is

Generations are changed in a day to adults from kids 

 

Remember snow in December

Nap-time at noon

Now it's hard to find peace 

And it's snowing in June

 

What use to be "once in a great while"

Is now the norm kept on file

With every tick tock of the clock 

We're affected by something heinous

We should be shielding our mind and our eyes

But we seek more

As the heinous thrive in the lime light 

Becoming famous

 

What happened to simple Nintendo 

Now it's fun to "fake kill" and make evil the hero?

What the world needs now 

More than love

Is God

Whose Son shed his blood for man kind

ONE LOVE

To forgive is to be forgiven 

Don't try to earn it 

Just live it

Enjoy the seasons 

They're passing quickly 

And don't blink for too long

Or you just might miss it

-HB

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Thank You For The Bad

How could you let the most precious thing your heart will ever know 

slip so easily away from you

I tried to love you 

I forgave with all my heart

But I loved you better when we were apart

 

My hearts not so forgiving 

Not anymore 

Long time ago I nailed shut that door

As you stood over a laid-out weakling on the floor 

You were ruthless down to your core 

I vowed then to let it happen nevermore

 

No more do you control me 

I freely belong to someone new

Someone whose showed me what a real man is

Which is definitely not you

 

So this is freedom

Do you really feel free

Or burdened with guilt and regret

You should be bended on knee 

You did me wrong

You hurt me bad

Those were the times I needed you Dad 

 

How can you love someone who bleeds from their heart and head

It didn't have to be rape 

For heaven sakes we shared a bed

I've never told anyone

But she could have died 

What if I had dropped her

What if the knife.....

I can't think it 

I won't let it in 

That life was evil 

So full of sin 

Thank you God for bringing it to an end 

 

I stayed quiet for too long 

Afraid to speak 

At times didn't care 

But I'm heard now 

And I know he genuinely cares

I'm glad I got out before it was too late 

Oh how I regret that very first date 

 

You're an experience for sure

But I'm glad I traveled that jagged road 

My journey only prepared me for greater things 

Taught me to be all that I can 

And lead me to a ring 

 

I don't hate you 

No

I thank you

For crying me out 

And helping me recognize love without doubt

-HB

 

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Blissful Chaos

In the midst of chaos

How can it be

That we alone feel lost in blissful eternity

The world swirling around us

Then time slows 

We share a kiss

Sitting at the back of the party bus

Watching everyone swing but miss

 

We talk about it often

How we're the exception to the rules

Well we're livin' it baby 

Now we're just laughin' at them fools 

 

We don't have to talk about the feeling

I know we shared it that night

While they were crazy fighting

Our love felt just right 

 

I believe in Team Awesome

More now than ever before

We are strong and unconditional lovers

Building up to so much more

 

How I love you daddy

Oh how you love me

I know without a doubt

God has placed us exactly where he wants us to be 

-HB

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Random Entries

YEAR 2017

July 21-

I feel like this could be the start to me falling in love with him again.

~"Don't awaken love too early, don't rush it". -HB

 

July 22-

I was surprised that the words came out so easily, "I love you". I had to say it again to confirm its authenticity, and this time I was comforted by the gentleness that lifted each word. I had meant to reserve this moment, I had meant to be in control of its release. But I wasn't. -HB

 

July 26-

Even though I really wanted your attention when I got home from work, it was satisfying to push you into a deeper sleep, with both heads relaxed. Going down on daddy really gets my pussy throbbing. Even the thought of you now makes me wet. I wish you'd wake up and make our bed rock! -HB

 

July 28-

This was the first time in a long while that my stomach didn't quiver at the thought of spending a weekend with you. There was no lingering negativity, no anticipated arguments to be had. For the first time in a while, I took the time to recognize you; I see real love in you for me. This time I see it in your eyes, I feel it when you speak. -HB

 

July 29-

Here's what you don't understand about me, not everything I say to you is meant to be taken to heart, have a response, or be held onto. My brain's like spaghetti....untethered thoughts are just everywhere! Please don't let little things like these taint the progress we're striving for. -HB

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When I was a child

I would often dream I could fly

Each dream would begin the same

With a desperate urgency to escape

I was always running from someone or something

I could never identify exactly

Then with a surge of energy rushing from my toes to my brain

I'd push against gravity

Lunging my body upward

Feeling the air lift me with ease

Only to drop me

Though gently I would land

Still I was disappointed

Each night I sought that adventure

Praying for sleep to come early

 

Not every attempt was a failure

Some nights I made it to the tops of trees and flew for sometime

Some distance

It never lasted long

And the nostalgia of it all still eludes me today.

 

That night I was running from you

From the loneliness you can very well leave me with

Even though you're lying right next to me

So I drove away

Trying to end up somewhere familiar

Ended up almost getting lost

Which is appropriate for my emotional status

 

As I drove, my emotions twirled inside of me like a boat rocking in a storm

Tears swelled my eyes, clouding my vision

But I would not release them

My nerves tried to harden

But slowly began to tremble like a vibrating melody

My thoughts rattled so quickly

I found it difficult to grasp one

Finally I parked in the darkness

Tucked away from the world

Then I set them free

And I cried until I understood why I was crying

 

Then I became still

So still that even the sound of my own breathing became a stranger to me

Every noise blurred into one

Until white noise buzzed through my brain

I think I may have even stopped breathing for a moment

 

Then an inconsiderate person pulls up right next to me

In a row of six vacant parking spots

You choose the spot literally right next to me......ugh....I hate it

 

That snapped me back it to the reality of the moment

I collected myself

I turned on the internal vacuum

And headed back home....to you

Because that's where my heart lives

 

I'm not a child anymore

But I still desire to fly

Way past the tree tops

On through the sky.

-HB

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There's a desire deep inside me today to just write and write and write

Yet all that reflects that desire is the above statement

My head is clouded by the urgency to sleep

My shoulders

Burdened by the weight of the week

I could just fall over right now

Close my eyes and resume this saga as a beautiful dreamer

-HB

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When life drowns me in all its sorrows, lies and troubles

God always come through to lift my head above the tide

He becomes my life saver

Literally

And my best friend is always riding the waves alongside me

Holding on to me

I am confident in his aid

I feel secure in his grip

My husband is my true, live, soulmate

-HB


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