Darkness, My Friend

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Not really sure how to describe this one. It's a bit more dark than my usual ones. I'm not a huge fan of how I made the ending, but it wouldn't be as good without it so :/

Submitted: July 29, 2017

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Submitted: July 29, 2017

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I wake up.

Suddenly I'm scared.
I'm really not prepared.
This ocean 
is pulling me under and
I'm drowning from all this emotion.
I'm getting claustrophobic,
And yet space is all around me.
I'm suffocating, I can't breathe,
And yet the air is clear.
There is nothing to fear.
My poisonous thoughts crash in,
I feel like a mouse crushed by the paws of a bear.
And I can only stare
In the mirror,
As my tears flow like a river.

I sleep.

The nightmares begin,
Voices, upon voices.
They whisper:
'No one loves you'
'They hate you'
'You hate yourself don't you?'
And then they laugh.
They cackle in delight,
As they realise they are right.
They scream the words now.
My ears bleed,
My eyes are gone
But I still cry.
My veins are black, 
I look like a demon.
My mouth moves,
Mouthing the words:
'I...hate...myself'
'I hate myself'
'I HATE MYSELF!'

I wake up.

No time to pray,
I'll rely on luck today.
No time for tears, 
Just ignore the jeers.
Run swiftly,
Hide quickly,
Maybe they will forget me.
Probably not.
It's getting hard to keep hoping,
And I'm definitely not coping.
I wish they were joking,
Some sick joke it would be.
No, it's not a joke,
I'm not laughing.
They spit at me, 
Kick at me.
And I don't see,
What I ever did wrong.
I wish I was free,
Oh, What a life that would be.

I sleep.

No dreams tonight.
Just darkness.
Not the normal type though.
But the vast, deep blackness,
That has not a speck of light.
Nothing but a void.
It's peaceful,
The silence so inviting.
I welcome it.
I dance as my worries lift,
And my mind drifts
But one thought remains
Is this what it's like after death?

I wake.

My mind is a cage.
My mouth the door.
But I can't find the key.
I have so much to say, 
And yet my mouth won't move.
I want to speak out.
God, i want to scream
And shout what I've kept hidden all these years.
But I don't have a voice,
Not when everyone else's speak over mine.
Who can I turn to when people won't listen?

I sleep.

No dreams again.
I'm back in the peaceful void.
This time it's different though.
There is a light.
And It tells me to fight.
It begs me not to give up.
But the darkness is so nice.
So much better than real life.
I think I prefer the darkness.
It prefers me too.
A hand is on my shoulder now.
It is like a shadow, 
But it has a silver glow.
I turn around but nothing is there.
Just the darkness.
My new friend.
A voice speaks.
'You could stay here forever,
You could leave the pain behind.
Just give up fighting'
And then a face appears,
It's me.
But it's like the one from my nightmare.
It has no eyes, 
But tears of blood 
leak from the wholes.
It's veins are black, 
And it's ears bleed.
It's the demon,
But this is my demon.
And it is so inviting.
'Hello child' 
It rasps.
'Hello Darkness' 
I reply.

I wake.

It's another day of school.
But I'm no fool,
I'm not going today,
So I don't need to pray.
Oh no.
Crashes of emotion,
Another visit from the ocean.
Bang.
The thoughts shoot me.
Slice.
I'm resorted to a single thread. 
I'm full of dread
There are no more tears.
I need to get rid of these fears.
No more.
Please.
I don't want to be the mouse anymore.
I'm sick of being bullied by the bear,
It's just not fair.
I close my eyes hoping for peace.

I sleep

I wake

There were no dreams,
Nor did i see Darkness.
But it doesn't matter, 
I'm going to see it today.
My parents aren't home,
I'm alone.
Good.
I run upstairs,
Careful not to trip.
I take the bottle of pills,
Swallow as many as I can.
My body fills
With pain as I start to choke.
I can't breathe, I grasp at my throat.
But then I stop.
I'll see Darkness soon, just like it promised.
I will fight no more.

I sleep.


© Copyright 2017 SianAyla. All rights reserved.

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