The Shadow of My Past

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short piece of what love feels like when it's taken away from you before you had the chance to enjoy it.

Submitted: July 29, 2017

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Submitted: July 29, 2017



Shadow of My Past-

Today I saw my rapist on the bus. We locked eyes for what felt like a lifetime but was only two seconds. Two of the longest seconds of my life. I sat down on the bus in front of him because it was the only seat available. I don't know how I felt. I didn't know if I was nervous, angry, sad, or just tired. Very very tired. I gazed out the window but somehow my gazed stopped stick upon him. He was sitting there. His eyes were the same. His eyes filled with a passion of boredom. The way his nose connected perfectly with his eyes. His lips were like two soft pillows. I felt them. I felt them on my skin as he took advantage of me. Shred me apart and taped me back together with the words "are you okay?"  I'll never forget that moment where everything seems like it stopped and broke. Like I never knew how to live again. You held me with care but butchered me like a piece of meat. Your eyes.... Your eyes were dead but alive at the same time like you were enjoying to see me suffer. I was as delicate as a flower and you tried to pluck me so early. Why? Why did you decide to do those things to me? You said "it's okay" and I believed you but the little boy in me screamed for help. I didn't listen. I didn't know what I was getting into. I wanted every single piece of you but I wanted nothing of you. You were the light to my darkness. You were the darkness in the light. Your eyes pierced my soul. I know you saw me looking at you from the corner of your eye. Your leg flinched. You started looking around. Do you remember me? I remember you. His stop came and he slowly got up. God, he's tall. I forgot how tall he was. You forget how tall a person is if you both are lying down in bed. He walked passed me and didn't do or say anything. Don’t get off! I yelled in my mind. Notice me, please! I'm still here. I still remember. Before you leave to get off the bus. You stopped and turned around. Our eyes meet for a second and at that very moment, you said.... "I remember".

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