Fighting Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
People thinking talking about it is the hardest part, but isn't. The hardest thing is to stop running from it and admit it to yourself.

Trigger warning, does contain suicidal thoughts.

Submitted: August 03, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 03, 2017



“This isn’t easy to talk about okay,” I yelled my vision getting fuzzy. “you don’t know what it’s like” the room started to spin around me, “to have to deal with this. It’s like you carry the fucking world on your shoulders.” Everything was just getting fuzzier and heavier as more tears fell down my face.

“Just talk to me, please” she pleaded with me, moving closer to me.

I stumbled away from her I didn’t need her pity, or her judgement, people were right when they said your worst enemy is yourself. “I can’t, I can’t” I whimpered my legs giving out under me. She rushed towards me, “Please just leave me alone, leave me in peace” but she wouldn’t listen instead picked me up and leaded me up against a wall.

“Just talk to me, you need to so you can get better” she said wiping my hair out of my face.

“What do you want me to say, do you… do you…” but I couldn’t even finish the thought let alone the sentence.

“Come on, please, you have to admit this to yourself” she whispered, tear filled blue eyes searching mine.

A sob, escaped me and I curled into myself. I didn’t want this, I never wanted this. I don’t want to do this. But I can’t keep lying to her, to me. "I… I don’t want to-" I ran my hands through my hair- “I don’t want to live anymore, I… want… to…” I took I deep breath, “die.”

Finally, the fight had stopped. I had stopped lying to myself. I finally accepted that this was what I felt and I couldn’t run from it anymore or fight with myself anymore.

“Jane, Jane” the teacher called, I was startled out of my thoughts, my internal battle. I put on a smile.

“Yes Mr. Stone” I said back.

© Copyright 2018 Jacob Ian Allen. All rights reserved.

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